Uncle Andy's Digest - September 2013

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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September 2013

COLLEGE NIGHT Welcome Back Party!!

Wednesday, Sept. 18th • 5pm-close $3 Crazy Sushi Rolls • Live Music • Bar Games!

4-7pm

20% OFF

7pm Valid on College Night Only 9/18/13 5pm-close

food in the lounge when you present your student or faculty ID

40 East Ave., Lewiston

795-6888

Dino

Treat her gently, guys!

Will do, Rick!

LIQUID SUNSHINE CAR WASH & DETAIL

See the back cover to see how we did.

865 Sabattus St., Lewiston •

333-3004

Armandsab@aol.com

Top Ten Signs You've Bought a Lemon of a Car

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

Submitted by Jim Benson

10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.

9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.

8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.

7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk."

6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.

5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Lewie & Clark

4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."

3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.

2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.

1. When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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The key to a good home based business is discipline. So every morning I get up at 5am and go straight to my computer and sleep in the chair until 7.

I'm in the prime of my life: in that 53 is an irreducible integer.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA SEPTEMBER 2013 Thursday, Sept 5th Schemengee’s 4 – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $7.50 Member; $8.50 Guest Sunday, Sept 8th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Dr, Brunswick $4 Member; $5 Guest Child/under 10 free Tuesday, Sept 10th Luiggi’s 4 – 7pm (Chapter 12907) 63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest Thursday, Sept 12th Center St Café 7 – 10am (Chapter 12749) 945 Center St. Auburn $5 per Member; $5.50 Guest Sunday, Sept 15th Flagship Cinema (Chapter 8609) Lewiston/Auburn $4 Member; $5 Guest Tuesday, Sept 17th Dairy Queen 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14346) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Tuesday, Sept 24th Pizza Hut 11:30 – 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt 26, Norway $5 Member; $5.50 Guest Wednesday, Sept 25th Grid Iron 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston $8 Member; $9 Guest

I was looking for a career. I think that pyrotechnics spark my interest.

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

I was in court today with the airline over missing luggage. They lost the case.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Staff

FREE CONSULTATIONS

JIMBO #3 off to College

UNCLE ANDY America’s Most Wanted

MAGGIE Maggie May

MARTY

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 www.smileagaindentures.com See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Straight up the Middle

ANGIE

Pinning pictures on a bulletin board seems a bit tacky to me.

Bachelorette No More

TOM Trailer without Wheels

PAM Triple Duty

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Continental Congress changed the name of the United Colonies to the United States on September 9, 1776.

Mice, whales, elephants, giraffes and man all have seven neck vertebra.

Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

KITCHENSolutions DESIGN & SALES CENTER

I’m coming for YOU!

Autumn Raymond

995 Center St. Auburn

Pay no attention to what is behind my hand!

Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100 Visit our brand new showroom

Moe Morin

Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops 10x12 OAK KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP Bruce

$1,999

Stacy

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com How do Vikings communicate? Norse code.

Sarah Wanser and Jasmine Clarke Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open Official Ricky Fowler Apparel Consultant

Jay Novella

What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went to work? Bison!

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL, NOW IT’S TIME TO GET BACK TO YOU! Fabulous Fall Packages

These Gipper’s girls are up to no good...

AGAIN! Dave Rossingnol & Paul Landry

We’re gonna plaster these guys with water balloons... they won’t see what hit ‘em!

Autumn, Sarah & Angelique Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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September 2013

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❧ Herbal Body Wraps ❧ Pumpkin Sugar Scrub ❧ After Sun Treatment ❧ Autumn Package ❧ Harvest Package Book your appointment & buy gift cards right on our website!

24/7 available Gift Cards om! .c ls ie ss at ca

We are a full service salon ❧ Hair ❧ Body Waxing ❧ Facials ❧ Pedicures ❧ Spa Packages ❧ Massage ❧ Electrology ❧ Manicures ❧ Bridal Packages ❧ Permanent Make-up

We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON

(207) 783-3321

Specials

“I need my sleep. Eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks

There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.

CELEBRATING

IN BUSINESS

FREE

COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday in September!

Your Choice

On

10

Giant 1-topping pizza or 2 Large Boghooters or 3 Large Italians or 2 Small Appetizers (Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)

There’s NO PLACE like...

$ly

(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info "I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself." – Albert Einstein

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Weddings Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Reunions

Indoor or Outdoor Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!

Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event

N

re’s ...

The like E C A O PL

Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009

Real diamonds do not show up on x-ray.

www.dadsplace.info Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

Monthly observances in September include: Apple Month, Chicken Month, and Little League Month.

• • • •

You really want to mess with all of this!?

Marine Canvas (Boats/Yachts) Cushions (Boat/Home) Upholstery (Boat/Home/Auto) Metal Fabrication • Repair Call about FREE Boat Storage for Winter Work

41 Millett Drive • Auburn, Maine 04210

783-5600

Joel Cummings

Colby, Chris, Sarah & Autumn

No Registration FEE When you enroll in September

Now let’s talk about who’s #1.

Steve LeBlanc & John Whited Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!

Early Learning Center

301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

946-KIDS NEW HOURS! 6am - 6pm

Did you know A termite can live 30 years?

Because heat expands the metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the sun.

Walking or Riding Submitted by Jimbo

Mens & Boys CUTS for

$

12

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Brad’s Precision Auto ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $58/hr labor rate

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad

Call us today!

Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

Larry said, "I left my car keys in the bag."

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet th

EGINS SEPT. 7

B FALL SCHEDULE

7:30-10pm ts - Ages 20+ Thursday Nigh 30 - 10:00 - All Skating 7: Friday Nights 30 - 4:00pm Sat. & Sun. - 1: pm ght 7:30 - 10 ts - Family Ni Saturday Nigh pm 10 30 - All SK8 • 7: Sunday Night

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs.

When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course again.

Steve

Ryan

333-0364

e m o r d l o l Ro

Larry is playing a round of golf with his buddies.

On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water.

Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course.

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

The smell of freshly cut grass is actually a plant distress call.

Riddle Me This Q: Joe was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat.

His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this happen?

A: Joe is bald.

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

Some daze I just can’t seem to focus.

Not liking this...

New Texas Hold ‘em Auburn Sunday, September 22nd Social Annual Lobster Feed Club Sunday, September 15th

Never mind, I’m fine

$50.00 Buy in Starts at 11 am • Doors Open at 10 am

Dan LeClerc

Choice of Twin Lobsters or Surf & Turf Baked Potatoes, Corn & Clams $15/pp

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Pam Ashby & Geno Veilleux

Happy Hour Noon - 1pm Eating starts at 2pm

Last Tuesday of every month Officers meeting at 6pm sharp at Rolly’s

Teachers Make a Difference!

Let them know with flowers!!

Watch out for flying water balloons.

Ryan Lagasse & Scott Landry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn

782-3457

AnnsFlower.com My friend and I are going to drive across the southern states of America, just to see how long it Texas.

Did you know: Sesame Street was nearly called 123 Avenue B. It was changed as this was a real address in New York City.

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.

Hunting Trip Submitted by Maggie Joyce

Jimbo and Uncle Andy hired a pilot to fly them into the far north for some elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls.

The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk, but the pilot objected. He said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything.

What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Same Day Emergency Care Visit us at our newly renovated state of the art office at:

730 Center Street Mon.-Fri. 7am - 5pm

Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 auburnplazafamilydentistry.com We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

Ontario is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. When they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, Uncle Andy said to Jimbo, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied Jimbo. "Yep! I think this (continued on next page)

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(continued from previous page)

is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

Riddle Me This Q: Golden treasures I contain, guarded by hundreds. Stored in a labyrinth where no man walks, yet men come often to seize my gold.

By smoke I am overcome and robbed, then left to build my treasure anew. What am I?

Walking in a circle is pointless.

HIT THE TRAILS THIS FALL IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES

SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

A: A beehive

Lawn Ornaments Uncle Andy at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma’s in bloomers."

Cashier’s reply: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"

We Insure ALL of Your FALL TOYS Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711

CummingsAgency.com

Have an automotive problem?

Ask the Auto Guys

email us your auto questions at asktheautoguys@gmail.com

Fancy Roman Numerals?

No sir, not on my watch!

183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon

353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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A lightning bolt is 5 times hotter than the surface of the sun.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

We specialize in vehicle wraps and lettering.

After

SAVE 20% on your next order!

Go to: eastcoastsigndesign.com Before

Fill out our new quote page and SAVE!!

September only

www.eastcoastsigndesign.com

Cats in Halifax, Nova Scotia, have a very high probability of having six toes.

Predicting the Future

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

September 8, 2013 On September 8th, the Lake Auburn Half, 5K and Bike Tour (Moving ME Forward’s largest fundraiser) will again start at Lost Valley Ski Area and include a Half Marathon, a Half Marathon Relay, a 5K walk, a 5K team run, a 5K run, two Kids Fun Runs, a Bike Tour and a Corporate Event.

The Half Marathon and Bike Tour will take a trip around Lake Auburn on closed roads that provide a wonderful picturesque backdrop for this community event. There will be an Expo, package pick up, refreshments, and guest speakers at the Hilton Garden Inn on September 7th, from 2:00 p.m to 6:00 p.m.

For more information, please see their website at Lakeauburnhalf.com or find them on Facebook (Lake Auburn Half, 5K and Bike Tour).

Thanks

for picking

us up and Shopping

LOCAL! Tsunamis (tidal waves) travel as fast as jet planes.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

Did you know: Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

Andy!

Look out!!

Andy Brooker

Why do I get stuck keeping score?

Mike Kelly knows what he’s doing... really.

That’s Captain John to you.

John Linnell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight in 1807.

You may say that I'm a dreamer: the clinical term is narcoleptic.

KIDS! You Gotta Love ’em

We Have the Loan for YOU! Low Rates • Fast Approvals

Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

GreatFallsfcu.com I hired a private origami tutor and I must say the quality of my work has improved tenfold!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Did you ever notice how a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a guys "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are one and the same?

KIDS! You Gotta Love ’em

Check out our newest location 686 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Censored

Featured Inventory 2003 VW Beetle, 5spd

2004 Jeep Grand Sp. Ed.

2005 Honda Element EX

109K, Dk. Blue, $5,995

96K, Blue, $7,995

119K, Orange, $8,995

2002 BMW X5, Leather, AWD, 150k, Silver . . . . . . .$8,995

2003 VW Beetle, 5 speed, Leather, 109k, Dk. Blue .$5,995

2002 Nissan Maxima, Auto, Roof, 112k, Green . . . .$5,995

2003 VW Passat GLX, 5 speed, 121k, Lt. Blue . . . . .$6,395

2007 Volvo XC90, AWD, Loaded, 113k, Silver . . . .$10,995

2007 Jeep Compass Sport, 4WD, 123k, Black . . . . .$7,495

2005 Volvo V50, Auto, Leather, 138k, Blue . . . . . . .$6,995

2004 Jeep Grand, Special Edition, 96k, Blue . . . . . .$7,995

2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Loaded, 158k, Green . . . . . .$4,500

2004 Scion xA, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 127k, Black . . . . . . .$5,500

2003 Mitsubishi Lancer, 105k, Graphite . . . . . . . . . .$4,995

2005 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . .$9,700

2003 Oldsmobile Alero GLI, Auto, 72k, Red . . . . . . .$4,795

2005 Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer, 93k, Black . . .$11,500

2003 Pontiac Grand Am, Auto, 4 cyl, Silver . . . . . . .$4,695

2005 Honda Element EX, 4WD, 119k, Orange . . . .$8,995

2004 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 148k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,250

2006 Honda Civic LX, 5 speed, 104k, Tan . . . . . . . .$8,795

2004 VW Passat, 1.8T, 5 speed, 120k, Lt. Blue . . . .$5,900

520-0028

Call 520-0028 • 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston View our entire inventory online @

www.IndependentAuto.Me Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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September 2013

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A queen bee uses her stinger only to sting another queen bee.

The Misplaced Engineer

The life boat was patented in 1845.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

It’s never too early to get your vehicle ready for winter!

Come see us today!

Mike Morin

OIL CHANGE

LIKE us on Facebook Receive

$10.00 Discount!

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

Did you know: There are 488 million users regularly using Facebook mobile.

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?

The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."

"What? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."

The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs.

"Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

It takes about a week to make a jelly bean.

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Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS 30th Reunion

Uncle Andy: “Sometimes I wrap myself in bows and call myself gifted...”

FALL CLEARA

30 years later & still looking good!

The Back Forty Used 2012 Chevy Malibu 1LT

2013 Ford Focus S

2011 Honda CRV-SE

2011 Honda Pilot EX-L 4x4

Blue, 2.4L 4 Cyl., 55K, Auto. 5-Spd.

3.5L V6, Auto. 5 speed, Maroon, 32k, 4WD

our price

our price

$19,495

$28,995

2011 Toyota Camry SE

2012 Scion

Jamie (James) & John Anderson

2.4L 4 Cyl, Gold, 2.0L 4 Cyl., Manual 38K, 4dr Auto. 6 Spd. 5Spd., 10K, Silver our price

our price

$15,995 $14,995 Joe & Jen Rawls

2011 KIA SORENTO

Tuscan Olive, 3.5L V6 4WD SUV, 44K Karen & Randy Robichaud

2011 Toyota Highlander

18K, 3.5L V6, Auto. Blue, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto. 2.5L 4cyl, Automatic 6-Spd., 34K, 4dr.

5-Spd. Maroon, AWD 6 Spd., 13k, 2dr

our price

our price

our price

our price

$24,995

$17,995

$16,995

$17,995

Pam (Jordan) Veilleux, Sonya (Malcolm) Porter & Jodi (Miller) Bennett Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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If you're over 100 years old, there's an 80% chance you're a woman.

A shepherd once told me to count his 37 sheep and then round them up.

So I told him there were 40.

ANCE SALE!!

Out ’n About at the ELHS 30th Reunion 30 years later & still looking good!

d Car & Truck Center 2012 Hyundai Sonota Hybrid

2010 Toyota Camry LE

2008 Toyota Corolla CE

2011 Jeep Wrangler Sport Sonya (Malcolm) Porter, Jim Marston & Sandy (Schmidt) Barnich

2.4L 4 Cyl., Auto., Black, 5k, 4 Dr.

Tan, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto. 6 Spd. 35k, 4dr

our price

our price

our price

our price

$22,995

$15,995

$8,995

$28,995

2010 Jeep Liberty Sport

2007 Hyundai Sonata Limited

2010 Honda CRV-EX-L

2008 Ford Escape XLT

Silver, 3.7L V6, Auto.

4WD, 48K,

Silver, 3.3L V6, 76k, 4dr

Gray, Auto, 5 Spd. 51k, 4WD, SUV

Silver, 3.0L V6. Auto 4 Spd. 64k, 4WD SUV

our price

our price

our price

our price

$16,995

$11,995

$19,995

$12,995

Blue, 1.8L 4cyl., Red, 3.8L V6, 4 Spd. Manual 5 Spd. 84k, 4dr VLP 29k, 4WD

Tim Towle & Elaine Gammon

Andy Capwell won the 50/50 and donated the cash back to the class

Dawn Daye There are no rental cars in Bermuda.

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The bark of an older redwood tree is fireproof.

Please Help Support Brock Thompson's family Brock was taken from us on August 11th due to a tragic ATV accident. Leaving behind a wife and three children.

Please join us!

When: September 7th 4-7pm Where: New Gloucester Bible Church, 218 Lewiston Rd, New Gloucester What: Spaghetti Dinner, 50/50 Raffle, Bake Sale and Silent Auction All proceeds to benefit the Thompson Family.

If you or your business would like to donate an item or service to the silent please contact Lisa @ 522-1651.

Some items donated to date: massages, photo sessions, night at the Regency in New Hampshire, and many more.

Please tell your friends and spread the word.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 Most people who read the word 'yawning' will yawn!

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!

From 2-button to 3-button to double breasted suits, we have what you need to dress to impress!

Dress to Impress

Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

ALL SUITS available for purchase

$

199

Does not include tailoring.

Mel Novella and friend

S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service 76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3737 www.sjtuxedos.com

Trust me, it tastes good.

Brownies ARE a health food... if you count mental health.

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival Christina Metzler, Sarah Major & Blake Major

I smile because I won the 50/50

John Fournier You have plenty of time. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. Everyday.

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Out ’n About at the ELHS 30th Reunion 30 years later & still looking good!

Crickets hear through their knees.

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502

Open 7 Days a Week 6am-8pm

Dan LeBrun & Chip LeBlanc tied for having the best Hawaiian shirt

2 LARGE 1 TOPPING PIZZAS & a 2 LITER OF SODA

$ ✂

19.99 Limit 1 per customer

UAD Expires 9/30/13

Witches parking only: All others will be toad.

Heather Condon & Arthur Desjardins

Megan & Mya Landry with Prince Daughters (& pup) of Bruce Landry of Kitchen Solutions

Oh, the things I have to do for my humans...

Kelly (Lewis) & Dave Dyer

Robin (Lewis) & Lee Ellingwood Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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September 2013

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Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.

I saw a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.

Out ’n About at the ELHS 30th Reunion 30 years later & still looking good!

Andrea Philbrick & Dave Marcotte

Coreen & Kevin Sturtevant

David Purington

Caleb Morris is a 10 year old boy who loves Moto cross racing. He was diagnosed with a form of cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma, commonly referred to as RMS, is a type of cancer, specifically a sarcoma (cancer of connective tissues). He and his family live in Turner and travel to Scarborough almost daily for treatment.

Please consider attending this benefit and donating what you can to help the family pay for the enormous medical bills associated with cancer treatment.

Eric Austin That whole 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' thing doesn't work so well with cats.

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My doctor told me to cut down on sodium, but I’m taking his advice with a pinch of salt.

Bookkeeping Plus

(Sales tax not included)

FREE 2-liter Soda with purchase of any Large Pizza

Large Dagwood 8-pc Roadies Bone-in Snack

$

4.99 9.89

$

QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The local doctor, the veterinarian (same person) still makes house calls.

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

Open Year Round

Quality Used Furniture at affordable prices!

Buying Single Items or Entire Estates!

386 Minot Avenue • Auburn 312-9139 • past2presentfurniture@gmail.com

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020 Hours: 6am - 8pm

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 t Comfor n a C u Yo n!

O t n u o C

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

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September 2013

783-7039

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Uncle Andy: How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.

KIDS! You Gotta Love ’em

Did you know...

Heidi's makes Delicious PLATTERS and BOXED LUNCHES for your business meetings, staff luncheons and gatherings?

Locally Owned & Operated 600 Turner Street, Auburn heidisauburn.com

784-3434

Ask about ou r Gluten F ree options.

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm • Sun 10am-8pm

Dear Santa, for 2014, I'd like a fat bank account and a slim body. And please don't mix up the two like you did last year.

Heart of Hope Breast Cancer Fundraiser

Let’s Rock Against Cancer!

September 28th 7pm – Midnight

Tickets 1

at the Carriage House, 1119 Lisbon St, Lewiston

$

Live music by the Veggies!

$

Raffles & Live Auction

0 in adva nce 15 at the door

Tickets are available at:

Republic Jewelry 212 Center St in Auburn

Call Chrissy @ 784-4444 for tickets or to make a donation.

Contact Mitch/Carlene Sperry @ 754-0709

Carlene Sperry, a 10 year Breast Cancer survivor, is the founder of the Heart of Hope Charitable Fund. For over 10 years she has raised money to help local women/men fighting this terrible disease. Carlene has designed a line of Breast Cancer jewelry which includes pendants & earrings to help raise money for her charitable fund. Her jewelry line is sold exclusively at Republic Jewelry which helps raise money along with her annual events.

There's a lot to be said for being a man of few words.

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Alligator Shoes

My uncle laughed about my aunt's curio cabinet. And he knows I hate knick knack jokes.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Uncle Andy was on vacation in the swamps of Louisiana. He really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for his wife but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.

2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse

GTS 84K, White, Auto., 6 Cyl.

106K, Green, Auto., Alloy Wheels, AWD

After becoming very frustrated with the local shopkeepers, Uncle Andy shouted, "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

2006 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport

2004 Jeep Liberty Limited

The shopkeeper replied, "Good luck!

Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, Uncle Andy turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching himself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, and he spots Uncle Andy standing waist deep in the water, rope in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He lunges, wraps himself around the beast and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more alligators all tied up.

Completely amazed, (continued on next page)

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September 2013

783-7039

2008 Outback 2.5i Wagon

$9,950

$10,450

$7,950

$9,950 Blue, Auto., 145K, Alloy Wheels, AWD

Red, 133K, Auto., 4WD, Alloy Wheels

2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5i

2006 Nissan Xterra SE 4WD

$9,950

$9,950 Special Edition, 131k, Blue, 5 Speed Manual

2010 Subaru Outback Limited

$22,950

AWD, 142K, Bronze, Auto., 6-Cyl 4.0L V6 DOHC 24V

All Subarus Come With: • 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available

Pewter, 76K, AWD, Heated Leather Seats, Parking Asst.

www.rjbandson.com I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world.

Perhaps you’ve seen it. – Steven Wright

(continued from previous page)

Did you know: It takes the average snail 115 days to travel a mile.

Cigars are back!

Check out our great selection

J.T. REID’S GUNS Full Line Gunsmith Service Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

We buy, sell & trade

86 Court St., Auburn 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner 777-3579

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Get Your Remote Starter NOW before the Rush!

216 Center Street, Auburn

Riddle Me This Q: I have two arms, but fingers none. I have two feet, but cannot run. I carry well, but I have found I carry best with my feet OFF the ground. What am I?

Shin Guards Submitted by Jimbo

777-3339

CS700 S

Just then he flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts up at the shopkeeper, "Ugh! This one isn't wearing shoes either!!"

A: A wheelbarrow.

Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course

the shopkeeper got out of his car and walked toward Uncle Andy.

2W900 FMR

Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building

soundeffectsmaine.com What is a mosquito's favorite sport? Skin-diving.

After I had injured one of my shins for the umpteenth time, my doctor suggested I wear some sort of protection. Remembering the shin guards I wore when I played soccer over 60 years ago, I went to a local sporting goods store.

I'm a petite, elderly woman, so when a young man came to help me, I said, "Don't laugh, but I'm looking for a pair of shin guards for soccer."

"Okay," he said with a completely straight face. "What position do you play?"

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Out ’n About at the ELHS 30th Reunion 30 years later & still looking good!

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Large Groups Welcomed Call Ahead Full Bar • Free Parking Lounge • Dining Room Private Function Rooms “Best Seafood Restaurant”

Jeff Goss, Dave Marcotte & Tom Swift

Ten years in a row.

Award Winning Chowder Family Owned for 3 Generations

Sue Marston & Michelle Grenier

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was “Very Strong.”

The Rawson family (back): Paul, Mackenzie & (front): Connor & Keegan

Caitlin

Caitlin was the winner of our social media contest (2 hot air balloon ride tickets) that ran on the Uncle Andy’s Digest Facebook page. She was randomly chosen from 17,600 entries!

Tony & Jodi (Miller) Bennett

Riddle Me This Q: How would you rearrange the letters in the words ‘new door’ to make one word? There is only one correct answer.

Thank you SO MUCH Uncle Andy’s Digest!!!

A: O-N-E W-O-R-D Jimbo to Uncle Andy: Just because your head is pointed, that doesn't mean you're sharp.

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September 2013

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We got to be part of the chase crew!

Caitlin & Paul flew on the Friday night launch (8.16.13)

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

— Chinese Proverb

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

80-Seat Private Function Room Available

as on e s l l a e r y g am e v e g n i Sh o w HD ! lo ng ... i n e te am t i r o v a f h yo u r T Vs ! c t a a m s w a e l p m Co o n o u r 13 Follow us on Twitter @gipperssportsgr

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Elephants eat roots, leaves, grasses, and sometimes bark.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Rolly’s Diner is the #1 Restaurant in the State!

And I know that from experience.

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

Adrien Fournier turned 81 on September 4th.

He works part time at Foxridge Golf Course

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Did you know: The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long.

Still Waiting Submitted by Jimbo

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, Sarah decided she had been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate, and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV when the doorbell rang. Her dad went to the door, and there stood her date.

He took one look at Sarah on the couch and gasped. "I'm two hours late and she's still not ready?"

Fun Pun Submitted by Ron Hood

A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig.

The little hog laughed to see such sport and the sow jumped over the coon.

If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.

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Practical Marriage Submitted by Jimbo

A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel him. The Pastor asked several questions.

"Do you love her?"

The old man replied, "I guess."

"Is she a good Christian woman?"

"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.

"Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment What’s Going on in September at the Chick!

Want us to cater your next event?

Food & Beverage – WE DO IT. Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT. Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT. Call us and we will fax you our options.

We Thank All Our Customers for a Terrific Summer.

Business was good in the dining rooms, take out was superb and we catered a number of events.

We hope going into fall our success will continue. Thank you for your patronage.

of Lewiston

You’re gonna love it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston•376-3870•ChickadeeLewiston.com

• Boiled or Baked Stuffed Lobsters • Fresh Steamer Clams • Stews & Chowders • Loaded Lobster Rolls • Fried, Baked or Broiled Seafood • Prime Rib Au Jus Best Hot Loaded Crusty Lobster Roll Around! with Rings & Coleslaw

0 50 2..5 $112 $

Fully Stocked Bar Take-out Available on our Full Menu

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

"I doubt it."

"Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked.

"She is allowed to drive at night," the old man said.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Hunting Season has Started!

We Buy, Sell & Trade TopGunofMaine.com Premier indoor shooting range open to the public

Riddle Me This Q: I have a neck, but no head. I have two arms, but no hands.

What am I? A: A shirt.

Jimbo

September 2013

CALL FOR DETAILS

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

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CONCEALED WEAPON CLASS SAT. SEPT 21ST

783-7039

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Des Moines, Iowa has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S.

BUBBLE TEA

ASIAN FUSION & LOUNGE

Japanese • Korean Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA Try it ! today

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Floating in a hot air balloon is very, very cool!

376-4855 jasminecafemaine.com Only female mosquitoes bite and drink blood.

Nick Brigham & Brooke Garber

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

The view from a neighboring balloon

Sharon Lerette, Walter Hill, Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasante volunteering at the booth for the Liberty Festival

Wearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good is pure shoepidity.

The Ken Goodman All-stars were shredding it up Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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UAD Trilogies The Uncle Andy’s sales staff, Jimbo, Angie and Uncle Andy, go on a trip to the desert.

Jimbo says, "I brought water, so we won't go thirsty."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$4.25

1 OFF Any

WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes...................$4.25

Purchase

THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$4.25

of $500 or more

All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

Angie says, "I brought food, so we won't go hungry."

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$4.25

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette.........................................$4.25

Then, they ask Uncle Andy what he brought, and he says, "I brought this car window, so we can roll it down, if we get hot."

But wait, there's more!

As it turns out, the window Uncle Andy brought came from a stolen car. The three are arrested, taken to jail, and put in separate cells. Somehow, Jimbo manages to get hold of the keys, and unlocks each of their cells.

They then proceed to escape through a window.

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

$

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage............$4.25 SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$4.25

Prices do not include tax.

1 coupon per order Please, no reproduction of coupons

✁

Expires 9.30.13

You can't plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Jimbo goes first, and sees a wall blocking his escape route. He also sees a tall tree next to the wall, which he starts climbing, figuring this was the only way to get past the wall. As Jimbo reaches the top of the wall, a guard on the other side hears him.

"Who's there?" asked the guard.

Jimbo replies with a

Brian Woodard, Jim Gordan & John White

(continued on next page)

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783-7039

Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The sheriff, the deputy, and the street cop are all the same person and can be seen on Wednesdays only.

NOW Delivering Take-Out Orders!

FREE Delivery within 10 miles

Call for more info 345-7040

New Menu!

New

Kids Eat FREE 12 & under Sunday - Wednesday with paying adult (in Pub only)

"Oh," says the guard, "it's only a cat in a tree." So Jimbo gets away.

"Who's there?"

Rolling Rock Concert Series

Skosh

convincing, "Meow.

Meow."

Angie goes next. She climbs the same tree, and the same guard hears her.

Happy Hour 4-7pm

Featuring

(continued from previous page)

$1 Rolling Rock Food Specials Give-Aways Sept. 20th

Entertainment Lineup Sept. 6th . . . .DJ Just Benny Sept. 7th . . . .Madcastle Sept. 13th . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg Sept. 14th . . . .Northern Groove Sept. 20th . . .Skosh (see above) Sept. 21th . . . .Jukebox Night 128 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls Sept. 27th . . .DJ Scotty Dawg Sept. 28th . . .DJ Will 345-7040 Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

"Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet."

"It's only a bird in a tree," the guard mutters.

And, last but not least, it is now Uncle Andy’s turn to escape. Now he has been watching the others make their escapes, and he likes their approach. So, he climbs the same tree, to get over the same wall, and meets the same guard. Meanwhile, Uncle Andy has been concentrating what's wrong with that picture? Ok, animal noises. Think animal noises. Of course, the guard hears him, and asks, "Who's there?"

"Moooo. Moooo."

But wait, there's more!

All three escapees are recaptured, and taken, as targets, to the firing range as punishment for their jailbreak.

Jimbo, as usual, goes first. They bring him (continued on next page)

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(continued from previous page)

out, and the man in charge yells, "Ready...

Aim..." But before he got a chance to continue, Jimbo yells, "Earthquake!!"

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

SOMETHING

FOR

Everyone ducks and covers, and Jimbo gets away.

Next, Angie is brought out. Again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...

Aim..."

FRIED CLAM DINNER Whole belly, crumbs or batter

$10.99 Located in the former Chick-a-dee of Turner building

LOBSTER ROLL

$8.99 32 Auburn Road, Turner

225-2777

Once again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...

Aim..."

"Fire!!!" yells Uncle Andy.

Riddle Me This Q: Six glasses are in a row. The first three are filled with milk, and the last three are empty.

By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so that the full and the empty glasses alternate?

A: Pick up the second glass and pour the milk into the fifth glass and then put it back in the second position.

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September 2013

783-7039

www.landmarkturner.com

$

5 OFF

BREAKFAST BUFFET Sat & Sun 8am –11am

✃

One per person, per visit. Cannot be combined with any other offers.

Tues & Wed 11am-8pm; Thurs 11am-9pm; Fri-Sun 7am-9pm

Out ’n About at the Edward Little High School Class Reunion

Finally, they bring Uncle Andy out. Once again, he has been watching the other two, and, once again has been concentrating twice in the same day?!

Like us on Facebook

FULL BAR & TAKE OUT AVAILABLE

any purchase of $20 or more

with fries

"Tornado!!"

They all scatter, and Angie gets away.

EVERYONE!

Seafood • Chicken • Steak • Pasta • 2-fer menu • Senior menu • Kids menu

UAD • Expires 9.30.13

Kathy (Lang) & Gary Duesburg

L/A’S HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT MONDAYS Hospitality Night 20% OFF total bill TUESDAYS Open Mic Whiskey WEDNESDAYS $1 off Selected Whiskey

THURSDAYS Happy Hour 2pm-closing FRIDAYS Ladies Night SATURDAYS All Day $3.50 Allagash Drafts

SEPTEMBER BAND SCHEDULE Fri. Sept. 6th . . . .Pop Rocks 4-7pm Chad Porter 8-11pm Sat. Sept. 7th . . . . . . . .Lewiston HS 30th Class Reunion Sun. Sept. 8th . . . . .MDA w/ Veggies Pigs & Pints Pig Roast $25/pp Fri. Sept. 13th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Haoles Band 9pm Sat. Sept. 14th . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/Dancing Fri. Sept. 20th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chad Porter Sat. Sept. 21st . . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/Dancing Fri. Sept. 27th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pop Rocks Sat. Sept. 28th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies

Lunches starting at

$3.99

Never EVER Any Cover!!

thefirehousegrille.biz 47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959

Under the Tent Parties Weddings, Private Parties Up to 200 people•Call for details

Did you know: A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The city limits sign is printed on both sides of the same post.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles

ONE FREE GREEN FEE

BUY A 2014 MEMBERSHIP NOW!

4:30PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted

Must present this coupon to receive

for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.13 ✃Expires 8.31.12

Golf the remainder of 2013 FREE!!

Bill Morrison

A variety of memberships are available.

Call or visit our website for more info.

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Stan & Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey

Don't believe everything you think.

WE’RE BETTING You’ll LOVE our food!

We’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

Riddle Me This

Home of the Double Yolker I coached him the whole way.

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Dennis Anderson & Jane Ridlon Blue

Dominic Dymond of Poland

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Bill Gates designed a traffic control system for Seattle when he was only 15.

Q: My thunder rolls beneath me, my lightning flares above. I dust the crust, and when I bust, all I touch will I shove.

What am I? A: A volcano

Family-style restaurant serving breakfast & lunch every day!

Wall of Fame Inductee!

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Local Restaurants & Entertainment Earlybird Special

$

5 OFF any two entrees

Monday-Friday • 2-4pm

✁Expires 9.30.13

L/A’s Best Steaks

Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish, & pasta entreés Call us for your catering needs

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885

macsgrill.com Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

UAD

Did you know: A bee uses 22 muscles to sting someone.

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Baked Ziti

The Fergy

Meatball Subs

Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

Mel, Sarah & Alex

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

Hey, that was actually a good shot...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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September 2013

783-7039

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... You plug in your electric razor in a motel and the street lights dim.

Every Thursday

Action Packed Thursdays Beer Pong Karaoke Line Dancing

No Cover

Saturdays Happy Hour 8-9pm $

1 Drafts 3 Wells

$

w/ DJ Bset Pubside

Holding All the Cards Uncle Andy jumped up from the card table white with rage.

“Stop this game,” he shouted, “Jimbo is cheating!”

“How do you know?” asked the other card players.

Sat. Sept. 7th No Cover

Fri. Sept. 20th

Benefit for Caleb Morris

Sponge

10 yr old battling cancer (2nd time)

“He's not playing the hand I dealt him,” Uncle Andy responded

Fun Pun

DJ/Dancing • 50/50 Raffles

Submitted by Ron Hood

Sat. Sept. 14th $10 Cover Sat. Sept. 28th Civil Disturbance

A man who rode in a carpool felt sick whenever they passed under a certain tunnel.

His doctor diagnosed this as carpool tunnel syndrome.

Riddle Me This

Fri. Oct. 11th Back in Black AC/DC Tribute

Q: Hank is 33 years old today. This is three times as old as his brother Harvey was when Hank was the age that Harvey is today. How old is Harvey?

A: 22.

ZUMBA w/ Adrian Kramer Every Monday starting 9/9 Check FB page for times

Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info A dragonfly typically has a lifespan of 24 hours.

"Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."

– The Swiss Army Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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"Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street." – Zig Ziglar

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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40

September 2013

783-7039

A lot of people cry when they chop onions, but the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

The Man of Steel and Iron Man are powerful alloys.

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103 Karen & Jim Albert

New Patients Always Welcome Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more

Christina Noonan interviewed by Lee Nelson

We accept most insurances Financing available

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

Nichole, Ron, Chelsea Major & Ashley

All Insurances Billed

OUR LOCATION: 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210

We participate with CIGNA, Delta Dental--PPO & State of Maine.

0% Financing Available!

(207)784-1577

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM When one door closes another one opens, you should really get that cabinet fixed.

The view from a balloon above Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

Sept. 2013

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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute - I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.

We buy used ents! instrum

We’ve Got Your Musical Accessories!

Guitar strings • Reeds • Valve Oil • Cork Grease • Violin Strings • Mandolin Strings Combination Tuners • Metronomes • Instrument Cleaning Kits & More!

We special order books, instruments & accessories.

Welcome Homeschool Students!

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

Authorized

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Service Center

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

These pictures better not end up in one of those tabloid magazines...

Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey, Joyce (Ouellete) Campbell, Gail (Corette) Sylvester, Linda (Lyon) Anthony (came from England), Jim Gordon

Stock Frames FRAMES 8x10 up to 12x16

Judy Marston Statistics are like bikinis. What they conceal is more important than what they reveal.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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42

September 2013

783-7039

FRAMES 14x18 up to 24x30

OVER 50

OVER 25

to choose from

to choose from

ONLY $10

ONLY $20

each

each

75% OFF Ready made metal frames

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

786-4333

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn

Perspiration is odorless; it is the bacteria on the skin that creates an odor.

Special Appearances from: Slugger from the Sea Dogs, Crusher from the Maine Red Claws, Monty the Moose from Community Credit Union and Sparky the Dog from the Lewiston Fire Dept.

Saturday, September 28th Noon – 3:00PM Lewiston High School

• And Much More!

A day dedicated to children’s health, safety and environmental awareness.

Join us at Lewiston High School Saturday, September 28th Noon – 3:00PM

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

Sue (McCarthy) Hinkley & Joyce (Ouellette) Campbell

Can I believe my eyes right now?

REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICE Your Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer Where the Pros shop!

1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558 Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm

Dandelion root can be roasted and ground as a coffee substitute.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

Wow! It’s true... here we are in Uncle Andy’s Digest!!

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Diane (Gagnon) Vreeland Annette (LaRocque) Marx

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

Anna Murphy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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783-7039

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.

Domestic pigs average a top speed of about 11 miles per hour.

BREATHE SAFETM INTERIOR ZERO VOC FINISH FROM MURALO.

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

You want the best for your family, and with Muralo Breathe Safe™ you get just that. Breathe Safe™ is virtually odorless and free of VOC’s, while still keeping the high performance properties you’ve come to expect from a Muralo product.

www.lewistonpaint.com

Richard & Ruth Michaud

Used Commercial Buildings for Sale bout Ask a ry and e Delivet-up S

Joan (Larose) Barrett, Jane (Ridlon) Blue

For more info. Call 539-8211 or 515-1119

Celebrating our 5th Year Anniversary "Helping the environment one job at a time" Call us for a free quote to clean your business

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC

We are now accepting more small office clients!

Check us out online at:

Owner Operated KandLGreenClean.com

Check us out online at:

KandLGreenClean.com 577-8725 • Kristie@kandlgreenclean.com

Lauren & Kristie, owners

Did you know: You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!

Jane (Ridlon) Blue & friend

Riddle Me This Q: A man takes a barrel that weighs 50 pounds, and then puts something in it. It now weighs less than 50 pounds. What did he put in it?

A: He put a hole in it.

Schiavi Leasing Corp.

103 Airport Rd. • Oxford

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”

– Steve Martin

OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCK New Inventory Arriving Daily Check out www.IndependentAuto.me

His name is Mike Peters.

1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory 2004 Toyota Sequoia SR5 2005 Chevy Equinox LT

CALL FOR PRICE

Sarah Wanser & Scott Landry Hey ladies, what club do you think I should use?

Daren Cote

Leather, 103K, Pewter

$

$

7500 AWD, 117K, Silver

2000 Honda Civic EX, 5 speed, 115k, Blue . . . . . . . .$4,795 2008 Saab 9-3, 2.0T, Auto, 115k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$9,995 2002 Saab 9-3, 140k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 2001 Saab 9-5 Wagon, Leather, 32k, White . . . . . . .$3,995 2006 VW Jetta 2.5, 5 speed, 119k, Silver . . . . . . . . .$7,500 2005 VW Jetta GLS, Auto, 96k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,995 2005 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 138k, Blue . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 2003 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 125k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,495 2003 VW Passat, 122k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,500 2003 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2003 VW Passat Wagon, Auto, 114k, Gray . . . . . . . .$5,795 2002 VW Passat Wagon, 1.8T, 139k, Green . . . . . . .$4,995 2002 VW Passat, 5 speed, 1.8T, 100k, Blue . . . . . . .$5,995 2001 VW Jetta VR6, 5 speed, Roof, 95k, Red . . . . . .$5,795 2002 Chrysler Sebring, 5 speed, Loaded, 93k, Silver $4,495 2004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 126k, Blue . . . . . . .$7,995 2004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 138k, Gold . . . . . .$7,495 2003 Volvo S60, Loaded, Auto, 137k, Silver . . . . . . .$6,495

2006 Cadillac SRX

10495 AWD, 6cyl., 84K Purple

2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Leather, 101k, Gold . . . . . . .$6,995 2003 Dodge Neon, Auto, Low Miles 58k, Blue . . . . .$5,295 2003 Kia Sedona, Leather, Low Miles 62k, Black . . .$5,000 2004 BMW 3 Series, Wagon, Auto, 117k, White . . .$8,995 2004 Saturn Ion, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 119k, Silver . . . . . .$5,495 2004 Toyota Sequoia SR5, leather, 103k, Pewter . . .Call for price 2004 Toyota Sienna LE, 7 passenger, 114k, White . .$8,495 2007 Chevy Trail Blazer LS, 4WD, 125k, Grey . . . . . .$7,995 2005 Chevy Equinox LT, AWD, 117k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,500 2006 Jeep Liberty Limited, 4WD, 92k, Blue . . . . . . .$9,495 2005 Jeep Grand Laredo, Leather, 90k, White . . . . .$8,995 2005 Nissan Altima, 5 speed, 2.5S, 131k, Brown . . .$6,400 2005 Subaru Forester, AWD, 2.5XS, 116k, Black . . .$7,995 2006 Cadillac SRX, AWD, 6 cyl, 84k, Purple . . . . . .$10,495 2006 Saab 9-5, 2.3T, Auto, 123k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$6,295 2007 Mazda 6, 5 speed, Roof, 127k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,995

Well, it appears you’re about 169 yards out. A slight breeze in your face, might I suggest a 6-iron?

Impressive?

I think so!

Debbie, Amber & Autumn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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www.independentauto.me • 786-7744 686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St. Lewiston McDonald's salads contain up to 60% more fat than their burgers!

The onion is named after the Latin word 'unio' meaning large pearl.

Betting on the Church Submitted by Peter Asselyn

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

DAILY SPECIALS

Monday 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/salad & chips

Tuesday Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 w/salad or cole slaw

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams sm. $11.99 . . . . . . . .lg. $15.79 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls

w/salad & chips

Friday & Saturday

Friday, Saturday & Sunday

After 4:00 PM

Fried Haddock* $11.99

Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99

*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

Denise Wood of Litchfield

This, of course, is done by the Chip Monks.

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

I love to go above and beyond to make my customers dining experience an excellent one. What can I say... I love my customers!

Waitress Since 1988

“The Difference is in the Details”

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Call us for your FREE quote!

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

A giraffe's kick is so powerful that it can decapitate a lion.

Riddle Me This Q: Always old, sometimes new, never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls. What am I? A: The moon

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Thursday 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99

Do Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?

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Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Did you know: Billy Graham was once considered the best Fuller Brush salesman in North Carolina.

We work on all equipment… not just ours!

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Rock climbing is kind of like Driver’s Ed, intimidating at first... but conquering the unknown is so much fun!

Sam Roy Watch me, Daddy! I’m gonna climb that tree like the little monkey that I am.

Give us a call.

We’ll ta ke care of your equipm ent like it w as ours!

Light/Heavy Duty Trucks, Tractors, Trailer, All Plow Equipment Repairs & Service Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

Certified Fisher Plow Dealer

Denny Bly

John Perron

HEAVY DUTY & EQUIPMENT ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE AVAILABLE • Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks • Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site See! What did I tell you!!

• Light Duty/Heavy Duty Trailers Keep all your equipment clean in our extra LARGE wash bay!

Maine Heavy Equipment Service 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston Cassie Roy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com At room temperature, the average air molecule travels at the speed of a rifle bullet.

Each year, more than 50,000 people are injured by jewelry in the U.S.

KIDS! You Gotta Love ’em

The Dvorak keyboard is more efficient than QWERTY. 20 times faster, in fact.

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Elaine Derosby, Michelle Gagne, Wendy Roy, Jen DeRosa & Greg Perkins Volunteering at the ELHS Field Hockey booth

In 1948, Costa Rica abolished its military and spends the money on education and culture instead.

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Intelligence Submitted by Thomas Hill

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

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Jimbo

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Thanks

for

The octopus does not have a blind spot.

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

choosing

G.A. DOWNING

us!

782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Winter is coming, get your vehicle ready!

Call for your appointment...

782-5500

Towing Discounts with shop repairs

Auto Repair • Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More Body Work • Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays • Custom Paint

& More!

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn

Tri County Auto Sales $

$

4,295

3,500

‘02 VW Passat

‘00 Dodge Dakota AWD, 126K, Loaded, Nice!

4x4 Auto, Runs Great!

See full list at: TriCounty.HasYourCar.Com Inspections • Walk-ins Welcome 1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine

Full Time Auto Mechanic 207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321 Did you know: The exact odds of scoring a hole-in-one in golf on a par three hole are 8,750 to 1.

Quick Witted

Some things are better left unsaid. If only I could determine which things.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Jane

Mallory Mallory

Expires 9.30.13

Family Hair Care

Tanning & Day Spa

Tammy Tammy Sarah

Sarah Jeanne’s

Kendra Kendra

Hair styles that make you look your best!

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778 sarahjeannes.com

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Mike looks at his friend John and says “Let’s go in there for a cold drink.”

John replies with, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”

“Sure they will, just follow my lead.”

Micaela

UAD

Tiffanie

✃

Sarah Sarah

50% OFF

Salon Products for Students with any hair service!

Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub.

Mike walks up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman tell hims, “I'm sorry but I can’t let you in here with your dog.”

Mike replies, “But I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”

The doorman says, “Okay well in that case, come on in.”

John sees this and decideds to do the same thing. He walks up to the front door, but the doorman says, “Sorry sir, you can’t come in here with a dog.”

John replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeingeye dog.”

The doorman responds, “I don't think so buddy.

You mean to tell me you have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?”

Mike Albert, Adam Desjardins, Bernadette Albert, Sue & Mark Desjardins

In a lifetime, an average person walks the equivalent of 5 equators.

John stops for a second looking confused, and says, “They gave me a chihuahua?”

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Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!

BATTERY & CORE Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler George & Mary (Schoppe) Buker

Ed Welch

Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/ better payout Starters & Alternators Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless

Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Paying TOP prices for computer scraps!

Sept. 9th through Sept. 20th Closed for vacation Velvet (Fleckenstein) Welch & Betsy Jo Bunney

Riddle Me This Q: If it takes six men six days to dig six holes, how long will it take one man to dig half a hole?

A: There is no such thing as half a hole.

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“ You are always treated fairly and with respect!”

We pay EXTRA for copper & brass from LARGE businesses with LARGE quantities!

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes) Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r

795-8887

In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

“An escalator can never break — it can only become stairs.” – Mitch Hedberg

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

1002 Minot Ave., Auburn • facebook.com/StevesDojo

Margaret Veayo

Visit or Call 420-0139 FMI

Who’s the old guy?

Guys, let’s welcome the new band members... Courtney Cunliffe and her dad, Dan.

Posing with One Direction are Courtney Cunliffe & Dan Cunliffe

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

One Direction are an English-Irish pop boy band based in London, consisting of Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. They signed with Simon Cowell's record label Syco Records after being formed and finishing third in the seventh series of the British televised singing competition The X Factor in 2010.

Bonnie (Margolin) Faiman

Thanks

for

Ron Field Riddle Me This

Local!

Jim Hogg, the governor of Texas from 1891 to 1895, named his only daughter “Ima.”

Q: Why do black sheep eat less grass than white sheep?

A: Because there are fewer black sheep than white sheep.

shopping

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Wedding Bells Congratulations to Joshua & Taylor Bourque, who were married on July 6th at Popham Beach.

The smallest mountain range in the world is outside of Marysville, California and is named the Sutter Buttes.

Bakery &

Taylor & Josh

r a l l e C e Win ❧ Freshly Baked Breads

❧ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❧ Soups & Sandwiches ❧ Huge Wine Selection Jason Bourque (Josh’s brother) officiated the wedding ceremony

❧ Wine Tasting Events Mon.- Sat. 6am - 6pm; Sun. 6am - 3pm

Rylee & Taylor All photos by Toni Ferraro Photography Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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353-7552 • 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine

www.benoitsbakery.com You Know You're in a Small Town When... The town square is actually a phone booth.

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

Be Fashion Forward this Fall Come see any one of our expert stylists!

We are a full service salon...

• Colors • Cuts Ann Dumais

• Foils

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch Angella Brissette

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw Camille Cloutier

• Pedicures • Manicures Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

• Waxing We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

• Eyelash Tinting Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

786-4311

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Riddle Me This

I want to find my missing watch, but I can never find the time.

(Starting top left): Ted Morris, Halie Vachon, Nicole Vachon, Brycin Vachon, Emily Morris, Nemo the dog and Molly the dog.

Family Fun Vacation

Fun Fall Family Activity

Q: Walk on the living, they don't even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and crumble. What are they?

A: Fallen leaves.

Sexy Why does summer have to end?

comes from within

• Lingerie size 0-6x • Women’s shoes

• Clubwear • Jewelry

RMJ Collections 850 Lisbon St. • Lewiston Wed. - Sat. 10-7 • Sun. 11-6

320-1165 One of the 'World's Strongest Man' events should be "Pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck together.

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Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." — Timothy Leary

Scott Lagasse, Elaine Deraps, Teliah Viscone, Nadia Roy & Chloe

Check out that great looking ad on the bottom of page 72.

Jennifer Lumb, Harmony & Brian Lowell

Pat & Melora Lavoie

us join d n er a geth o t Team r u o Y Get Mark Your Calendar!

Friday, September 20th Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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for

! golf f o y at da e r g a

Route 202 in Leeds

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." — Winston Churchill

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

Tara Brown, Tashia Brown, Tyler & John Lamothe

Tim Turcotte & Louise Whalen ELHS Grandstand Club

Aerobics Submitted by Jimbo

The first time I met my wife, she was an intense aerobics instructor at my health club and I was an out-ofshape new member.

After one grueling workout, I gasped, "This is really helping me get toned." She looked me up and down. Feeling self-conscious, I added, "Big men run in my family."

She raised an eyebrow. "Apparently not enough."

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.

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You Know You're in a Small Town When... The Walmart, the local grocery, and UPS all have the same telephone number.

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Jimbo

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First you're telling me to be myself, then you're telling me to stop being an idiot.

Make your mind up.

Do you think Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year's resolutions?

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion Here’s to the Class of 1963.

We’ll see you soon!

Joanne (Shea) Bollinger

www.wolfeye.com Pocahontas appeared on the back of the $20 bill in 1875.

Jim’s Rent It

• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles

Jack Chenard, Dianna (Dwinal) O'Connell

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

Car accidents, no problem!

We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn Jellyfish as a species are actually older than dinosaurs and sharks.

Martha White McGonagle Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Out ’n About at the Gippers Open

Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.

Chris Angelo I’ve got a few water balloons of my own...

I’m just waiting for an opportunity to present itself.

There are more female than male millionaires in the United States.

Matt Drewell

: U O Y G N I T C PROTE s What We Do. I

The Gippers Open is a great time for bonding.

s Kerrie Robbin Specialist

232 Center St., Auburn

nce

Commercial Insura

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm Pam Ashby & Dan Martin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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commercial

home

VarneyAgency.com

auto

recreational

umbrella

786-0417 life

C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.

health

Pollen can travel up to 500 miles in a day.

P OOL BUILDERS OF MAINE Q W ,O S .

UALITY

ORKMANSHIP

UTSTANDING

Out ’n About at the Redneck Blank

ERVICE

25 lb. Buckets of $ only 3” Chlorine Tabs

99

Any Above-Ground IMMEDIATE INSTALLATIONS!

25% OFF ALL EZ-CLOR PRODUCTS

Discovery LX

Picnic Tables for sale

Schedule Now for the Best Prices in Pool Winterizing!

SEPTEMBER SALE!

PELLET, WOOD & GAS STOVES! Plus inserts & Contemporary Stoves

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn • 795-7222 www.poolbuildersofmaine.com Beavers have orange teeth!

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Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Hummingbirds can't walk.

CNA’s WANTED NOW!

Jim & Judy Gordan

GREAT PAY! GREAT WORKING CONDITIONS!

Assisted Home Care Home Care Means...

• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home.

• Convenience - continuity of care.

• Comfort - being in your own home.

• Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home.

• Nursing care by qualified caregivers.

Joyce (Ouellete) Campbell

Home C d e t s si 783-7375 are s A

For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill in Auburn Annette (LeRocque) Marx Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.

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Jeff & Becky Cote

If you’re looking for a good magician, look no further...

Pam & Mark Vaillancourt

A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a spat.

KIDS! You Gotta Love ’em

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811

MAINE-LYACTION.COM The say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try but it's costing me a fortune in houses.

Q: A farmer, his daughter, the policeman, and his wife won the lottery and divided the prize into three. How can this be?

A: The farmer's daughter is the policeman's wife.

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

Riddle Me This

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Out ’n About at the Great Falls Model RR Club

I bought a book on obedience seven years ago, but it turns out the dog is a slow reader.

at the Train Fest Family Fun Day

Tired of how your old deck looks?

Need a new deck?

CALL THE DECK DOCTORS! Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert

Bryce Weeks

What a blast this place is!

Tyler Randall

Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!

Facelift Your Property

Garrison Whetzel son of Stacy Whetzel at Kitchen solutions

www.setwright.com Mom, will you hurry up and take the picture?! There’s a cute girl over there waiting to go boogie boarding with me...

Paul Lodge

You can find me over at the Great Falls Model Rail Road Club at 144 Mill St in Auburn.

Got photos you’d like published?

Wait no more!

Ken Nettleship & Chandler Ireland

Racine Bruce and Adam

Email them to editor@UncleAndys.com

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP

WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET Quiet, clean, elegant stoves.

Several styles to choose from.

1220 Center St., Auburn

784-9249 Ivan and Gerry Smith Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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www.firesidestoveshop.com Montana borders the most Canadian Provinces of all the fifty states.

It borders three of them.

Since March 2013

Sinceer b Octo 2 201

Max

Savannah

Since April 2012

Max P

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT We have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area.

We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

Est. 2008

thedoggzinn@gmail.com • facebook.com/thedoggzinn http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Dog Grooming, Daycare & Boutique Ella

Hyzer

Casper

Sin Februce 2011ary

We're so glad you're back to play and feeling better after yo ur surgery!! :)

Since August 2013

FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS

$16 PER DAY!

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

65 Washington St., Auburn • 333-3640

I'm a 5 year old Yorkie mix looking for a furever home!

I'm a sweet girl who loves to cuddle and will always greet you with a smile!

Out ’n About at the Great Falls Model RR Club

Don't complain to me. When I was a kid, we actually had to get out of the car and OPEN the garage door.

at the Train Fest Family Fun Day

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Pre-book your next appointment and be entered to win a FREE haircut!

Drawing to be held on Oct. 1st

Ralph Strout & Ava Grenvill

392 Center Street, Auburn

786-0112

Back from L to R: Taylor, Cori, Kelly, Terry & Linda Front from L to R: Jennifer, Michael, Kathy, Tina & Nuria

HairByGregorys.com

The only social fraternity founded during the Civil War was Theta Xi fraternity, at Rensselear Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York in 1864.

Chandler Ireland & Lanna Hartley

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation

Chuck & Deb Scott-Henderson

Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TM

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com Lilly & Ayden Franzen Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.

The shopping mall in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada has the largest water clock in North America.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Out ’n About Jimbo and I go way back... but I’ll have no problem kicking his butt out of any nightclub I’m working at.

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

Paul Pinette

INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!

C&W Protective Services

Not that you’d need any help with that weakling, but I’m here if you need me, Paul.

20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

Dean Berry

9 AM - 5 PM

C&W Protective Services

M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

s Alway g n i Buy

Riddle Me This Q: SEA PIGEON is an anagram of what nineletter word?

A: Espionage

We honor:

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Primitive Artist Signing

The Bear Necessities, located at 35 Vernon St. in Auburn, is honored and excited to be hosting Billy Jacobs in their Shoppe for a signing on September 14th from 10AM to 4 PM. Billy Jacobs is a highly established and well known folk artist, musician, song writer,and photographer. His amazing prints are warming hearts and filling homes!

This is going to be a Primtastic event so mark your calendars! You wont want to miss this opportunity to have your favorite Billy Jacobs print signed and meet the artist himself!

Amazing door prizes and yummy refreshments will be provided.

FMI call The Bear Necessities at 7860992 or LIKE them on Facebook for updates and other happenings.

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The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it's shorter than "yes".

THE BEAR NECESSITIES Primitive Home Decor & Gift Shoppe Enter a world of a simpler time... As you enter our shoppe, you are embraced with warm scents and a great selection of primitive, colonial and country home decor, custom made furniture and needful things!

Owners - Tammy & Gerry Charette

Join us on September 14th (10 ~ 4) for our Billy Jacobs Appearance and Signing • • • • • • • • • •

Johnston Bench Works Reproduction Furniture Old Village Paints Primitive/Colonial Lighting Family Heirloom Weaver Textiles Window Treatments 1803 Candles • Potpourri • Pottery Room Sprays • Quilts • Braided Rugs Scarecrows • Prim Pumpkins Gift Certificates • Clubs • Layaways Hours: Tuesday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 10-4

35 Vernon Street Auburn Maine 04210 (207) 786-0992

Ever think you're hearing something in a song, but they're really singing something else?

The word for mis-heard lyrics is mondegreen.

“The cool part about naming your kid is you don't have to add 6 numbers to make sure the name is available.

Out ’n About at the Redneck Blank

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811 maine-lyaction.com

Albert Einstein’s last words were spoken in German. As the nurse attending him didn’t speak the language, we’ll never know what he said.

He looks like an Olympian...

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Where in the World is Brad Hooper?

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it” – Michaelangelo

!

W NE

Instant & EZ Drug Test

EZ Drug Test Split Key Cup Results in minutes!

Well, right now, he is playing at the Freedom Cafe in Naples

EZ Drug Test Split Key Cup is 99% Accurate and gives results in minutes! Fully integrated cup where the tester does not have to come in contact with the urine. Tests for 10 drugs! Cocaine, Amphetamine, Methamphetamines, Marijuana, Opiates, Phencyclidine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Methadone, and Ecstacy.

Available from 5 to 12 panels

Volume Pricing Available Call for details!

Save Money!

For more information on all of our services visit out website www.mmdrugscreening.com

On-Site Services Available For: Tiffany Churchill with her daughter, Kiley Plourde Tiffany works at Happy Days Restaurant in New Auburn

Riddle Me This Q: Though liquid in nature, don't push me too far; for then I will break, and the damage may scar. What am I? A: Glass Jimbo

September 2013

We also offer: • Tenant Screening • Background Checks • Private Investigations • Pre-employment/Corporate Drug Screening • Pre-probation Drug Testing • Drug Test Kit Supplies • Trail Preparation

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

155 Center Street • Building G • 577-6000 mitch@mmdrugscreening.com • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

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•Drug & Alcohol Testing • Hair Folicle Testing • DNA/Paternity Testing

783-7039

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

Did you know: Until the 1960s men with long hair were not allowed to enter Disneyland.

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry is giving away this great prize to one lucky winner!

Like us & Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to stay in the loop.

Enter to win this It’s true... my mom is one of the master minds behind the Great Falls Balloon Festival.

She’s actually the Marketing Director, but to me she is a master mind.

Christina Noonan with her son, Henry

nds e t s e t n o C Sept. 11th Go to: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest

Click on “Enter to WIN”

How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?

Did you know: Over 40 million Ritz crackers are purchased every day.

SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY Paving (Driveways & Parking Lots) • Crack Repair Seal Coating • Concrete • Excavating • And More!

Call us for your FREE quote TODAY!

Commercial • Residential • Industrial SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY

782-4010 Serving all of Maine for over 40 years!

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THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Black holes are formed by unknown matters of solids as well as gasses. If you are in a black hole, your head would be at your feet.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

This amazing Balloon Festival picture submitted by Sandy Berube Turcotte

Justin Binette, Bert Levesque, Barbara & Frank Bart and Brian Michaud

How do they get the 'Do not walk on grass' signs way out in the middle of the lawn?

Color Me Rad 5K

Tasha Pelletier & Katie Rubino Tasha works at Marc's Auto Body in Auburn

I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

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Burglary

Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...

Submitted by Jimbo

The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.

"It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday."

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

"Why is that?" the detective asked.

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

"Because today everything was on sale."

Sarah Simpson, a native of Auburn and a 2010 graduate of St. Dom’s. She achieved her Associates degree from Central Maine Community College and then was accepted to Embry Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona, Florida. Sarah is working on finishing up her Bachelors degree.

Sarah competed and was crowned, Ms. Petite America, in Hartford, CT last month. Her parents, Tim & Karen Simpson are very proud and Tim states, “Not only is Sarah pretty, she has the brains to back it up! It was great to see her crowned Ms. Petite America, but it’s even better to see her getting an education of a lifetime.”

In this photo, Sarah is at the peak of Cadillac Mountain in Bar Harbor. We challenged her dad that if he submitted a photo of Sarah holding up Uncle Andy’s Digest we would publish it. We would have published it either way, but this photo is very cool.

Ms. Petite America 2013

Sarah Simpson

Congratulations, Sarah!

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An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Miss Petite America

Got a Bad Tattoo?

Prove it and remove it... FREE! is looking for the WORST tattoo in the L/A area from now to Sept.14 Sarah Simpson makes an appearance at Disney.

One winner receives a free removal!

Message us your photo on our Facebook page, or email us at info@yourbestskinofmaine.com 34 Center St., Auburn • 333.3069 Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Addictive Advertising Specialties

Lease and Property Management

A cure for all of your promotional product needs!

Pens, wearables, drinkware, calendars & more!

786-0725 addictivead@aol.com

Lease

Property

Referral

207.784.2011 www.yourleasingoffice.com

DAVE IRELAND BUILDERS, LLC We have over 2,500+ satisfied Energy Audit and Air-Sealing program customers thanks to our partnership with efficiency MAINE! Howland • Lewiston, ME • 1-800-625-4136 I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

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Out ’n About at the Redneck Blank

National Atheist's Day April 1st.

READY OR NOT. It’s NOT too early to start thinki Attention Landsc apers & Contractors!

Money Sav

We sell bulk san d/salt and straig ht salt.

Call us for yo ur snow removal needs!

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944

www.stlauren Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.

The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool.

Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

Out ’n About at the Redneck Blank

... IT’S COMING!

ng about the upcoming season!

ving Multi-Year Contracts Available Ask Today!

Commercial Plowing Sanding, Salting Snow Removal Call us for a FREE Quote!

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Fully Insured • EOE

ntandson.com Nothing written in fine print is ever good news.

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Medical Condition

Always remember to proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Submitted by Jimbo

We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, Patty, my co-worker, came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."

Knowing nothing about that particular condition, Patty double checked with the doctor.

After listening to the tape, he shook his head.

"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."

Riddle Me This Q: Shoot at me a thousand times and I may still survive; one scratch from me and you will find your prospects take a dive.

What am I? A: An eight ball

Riddle Me This Q: Carl the butcher wears a size 12 shoe, is 6 feet 3 inches tall, and wears a 42-long suit. What does he weigh?

A: He weighs meat.

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Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Now available in Oil Rubbed Bronze

Out ’n About at the Great Falls Model RR Club at the Train Fest Family Fun Day

Partnering with Professionals

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Tiffany Sinclair & Ricki Merchant

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com

Tim Fox: 514-1137 tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.

Jake & Monique

Family Friendly Dentistry

Willow Run Dental Association is accepting new patients

Denise Purington, Rita Vatter & Terry James

Come meet our friendly Dentists & Staff

Scott Beckerman, DMD Geraldine Schneider, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS • Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B, Auburn

willowrundental.com Maurice Fortin with Tyler, Emma, & Mary Randall

No one can ruin your day without your permission.

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One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

Another Happy Customer!

These guys do a top notch job!

I would highly recommend them to anyone.

TOP TEN AT

Rick of Rick’s Pools in Lewiston

Come see us for: • Basic Car Wash all by hand • Full Recons

$

$

• References Available Upon Request

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& DETAIL 865 Sabattus Street Lewiston 333-3004 Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

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2007 Saturn Aura

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This beauty will bond an instant FUSION to your daily life

This gem will get you the nickname ‘Johnny Nitro’

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Your friends will RAVe about you driving this sexy beast

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2011 Ford Fusion

2007 Dodge Nitro SXT

2008 Toyota RAV4

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You’ll love driving this to the Sea-bring your beach towel

#3

Driving in Komfort, you know you want to

$

#2

You could drive this all the way to Santa Fe

10,490

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2008 Chrysler Sebring

2008 VW Passat Komfort

2008 Hyundai Santa Fe

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ACCORDing to Derek,

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Driving this they say gives you a groovy soul

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This vehicle has a great Aura about it

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9,490

You’ll be considered the Kemo-SAABy once you own this beauty

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12,490

Find these and a whole lot more on our website!

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2007 Saab 9-5 71k, Auto, 2.3T

867 Center St. Auburn • 753-0033 LakeCityExports.com Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

Top Salesman COLIN DUBE