THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
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The Most Unusual Digest in America
FREE JULY 2011
PARKING LOT LIGHTING REPAIR & UPGRADES • Lighting Repairs • Energy Efficient LED & HID Upgrades • New Installation • Ask about Efficiency Maine Incentives ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126
www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com Armandsab@aol.com
138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com
Three Little Piggies
I was born free - my Dad's an Ob-Gyn.
Three little piggies went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their orders for drinks. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a glass of Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and a little later, the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and awhile later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy. "I want lots and lots of water!" exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have you only ordered water?" "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'" replied the third little piggy. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities
Check out our all new website!
www.pelletierskarate.com
July 18th
Karate for Kids FREE Intro Fitness & Adults Kickboxing Clinic Call for Details 7:30-8:30pm • Call to register Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com
786-3731
"Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes." – Antisthenes
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
JULY 2011 Wednesday, July 20 Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers 4:00pm – 7:00pm (Chapter 8609) Center St. Auburn $4.00 Member $5.00 Guest Wednesday, July 27 Dairy Joy 3:00pm – 7:00pm (Chapter 10589) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn $1.00 per Tix Thursday July 28 Chick-A-Dee Lunch Buffet 11:00am – 1:00pm (Chapter 12907) Lisbon St. Lewiston $7.00 Member $7.50 Guest Park Tickets Available: Aquaboggan $13.50 member / $15 guest Combo Fun/Splash $23.50 member / $25.00 guest Funtown $18 member / $19 guest Splashtown $17 member / $18 guest WaterCountry $26.50 member / $27.50 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member / $11 guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holiday’s). FMI call 782-1833. ____________________________
Auburn Activities Saturday, July 16th PARIS FOUNDERS DAY Historic Home and Garden Tour $20 (Chapter 18087 Matching Fund)
800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
Craft, Antique, Food, Vendors, Hamlin Library and Museum (Chapter 13085 Matching Fund) Wednesday, July 27th Hodgman’s Frozen Custard Lewiston Rd, New Gloucester (Chapter 8794) Tickets may be picked up Monday – Thursday 10:00am-4:00pm Taylor Brook Mall, side entrance behind Ann’s Flower Shop or by calling 783-8804.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – M. Kathleen Casey
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Uncle Andy’s Digest
Elbow grease is the best polish. – English Proverb
MAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:
editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 FAX: 207
783-7039 777-3898
www.UncleAndys.com
JULY 2011
Staff UNCLE ANDY
Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted
Smile Again Dentures
Peppermill Casino
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
JIMBO
514-0660
9 Grove Street
TRAVIS DOW
www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Joe & Mike Adkins
Everywhere "What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." – Henny Youngman
MAGGIE JOYCE On the Porch
MARTY DOW
Is your teen using drugs?
On Par
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
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Hair follicle and urine-based screenings available. State-of-theart wipe and spray technology to see if drugs have been present in your child’s vehicle.
It’s your right as a parent to know. Call today: 577-6000 MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator 577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com "I'm going to live forever, or die trying!" – Spider Robinson
Vacation is a two-week-long experience where money and time race against each other until both are totally exhausted.
Today's Market Activity Submitted by Marty Dow
Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Dr Pepper fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life." – Herbert Henry Asquith
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Katherine Hiss Promoted to Childcare Director at the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA
"Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed."
SUMMER DAY CAMPS This past year, Katherine Hiss was promoted to the position of Childcare Director at the AuburnLewiston YMCA. Kate began working at the Y in October of 1998 as a childcare “floater” at Daisy Garden, the Auburn-Lewiston YMCAʼs off-site Childcare Center at St. Maryʼs Hospital. Kate worked her way to becoming the Assistant Childcare Director and currently serves as the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA Childcare Director. “Iʼm very proud to say that our childcare program is Nationally Accredited and offers high quality childcare to our community.” Kate resides in Auburn with her husband Jamie and 3 children Maddelyn (14), Keegan (10) and Alliya (6). Kate is involved with Safe Schools / Healthy Students, Downtown Education Collaboration (DEC), the Maine Y Alliance, ACCESS and NEAYC. FMI on the Yʼs Full Day Childcare (ages 6 weeks & up), and Before & After School Care Programs, call 795 4095 or email Kate at khiss@alymca.org. See the Yʼs ad on page 6.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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CAMP CONNOR The Tradition Continues 45 Years of youth camping for kids entering grades 1-8 • FREE Transportation, Lunch, Pre & Post Camp Care at the Y
Y KIDS SUMMER CAMP Ages 5-8 Based at the Y • Daily Swim, Outdoor Play & Weekly Field Trips • Hours: 6:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. • FREE Lunch • Weekly sessions available through August 19th
Help send a child to camp! Give to the Y’s Annual Campaign
Donate at www.alymca.org Summer Swim Lessons Begin July 5th Ages 6 mos. & up (7 weeks) Call for more info!
Accelerated Swim lessons
NEW!
2x per week for 4 weeks July 25th - August 17th
TRIPLE CROWN 5K SERIES EMILY’S RUN Â SUN. JULY 24TH • L/A BRIDGE RUN SUN. AUG. 28TH
See ad on page 86 for more details
AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)
207 795 4095 • www.alymca.org "Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. That's what I have to say. The second is only part of the first." – Anna Quindlen
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. – Sydney J. Harris
2011
Out ’n About at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Lewiston
RIDE INTO SPRING
SHARE OUR PASSION
SALES EVENT See store for details
AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc
84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. – Mark Twain
I’ll pay you cash for your antiques!
Dan Boyd Auction Company Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates • Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items
State & Federally Licensed
Dan Boyd
998-5084 or 754-1009
At my age, I can't see the forest OR the trees.
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My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. – Ashleigh Brilliant
Large Ham & Cheese Subs $3.79 Large 16˝ 1-Topping Fresh Dough Pizza $9.45 • Open July 4th, 8am-8pm •
"Life is a series of commas, not periods." – Matthew McConaughey
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
Pricing Programs & System Guard Plans Now Available... Call for details! “Delivering Comfort you Can Count On”
Liz Dickey & Sue Joncas Poland Spring Resort
Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You Might Be An Engineer If…You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
"I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code." – Unknown
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
BARBEQUE & CATERING SERVICE Weddings, Birthdays, Corporate Functions & More Let Moose’s Mobile Kitchen make your event complete! Parties from 1 - 200
Bob Valliere Rainbow FCU
We modify our abilities to meet your needs! Call us and we can create a menu just for you!
795-6778 or 577-5523 • www.moosesmobilekitchen.com Amy Bilodeau Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.
Gamache & Lessard
A tired dog is a happy hound!
Your dog will... Boarding Interact, run and play with other dogs Available Receive hands on loving care & supervision Be more calm & well behaved at home due to less pent up energy
Mike Leighton & Dan Gagnon National Protective Agency
M-F 7am-6:30pm Weekends by appointment only
528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
Bruce Bilodeau, Lisa Poulin & friends
Lise Tancrede & Tish Caldwell Dempsey Challenge
It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Lewiston
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
We, at Uncle Andy’s Digest want to send out a big THANK YOU to those who have ever served our country in the armed forces!
"Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?"
Wedding Confusion Mrs. Frobisher and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother,
"How do you mean, change her mind?" asked Mrs. Frobisher. "Well," said the child, "she went into the church with one man and came out with another!"
Cruise Night Mission Accomplished!
Every Friday 5:30-8pm
July 9th
Come welcome home the USS Carl Vinson’s proud sailor, Robert Roy with a dart tournament, BBQ and dance.
Call for info Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039
Once the new hive was done the bees had a house swarming party.
New Auburn Business District Shop Local
Out ’n About at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Lewiston
9 Third Street, Auburn
376-4822
Jennifer Kritzer Owner / Stylist
Military, Police & Fire Discounts
Men’s Clipper Cut L
SPECIA
$
10
Hours: Monday 10-7; Tuesday 9-5; Thursday 10-7; Friday 9-5; Saturday 9-3 • Closed Wednesday & Sunday
Women’s Wash & Cut L
SPECIA
$
20
Julie Dionne Stylist
Children’s Wash, Cut & Style L
SPECIA
$
12
Here Kitty, kitty...
LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1 Ear of Corn 1-1/8th lb. Lobster 2 Red Potatoes 1 lb. Clams Side of butter
All cooked!
$
15
(Please call one hour before pickup)
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the dads out there!
Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood
“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!” We ship anywhere in the US
22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm
Kids and Their Clichés: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up!"
In 1859, Frenchman Charles Blondin aka Jean Francois Gravelet crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope! It took him five minutes. 25,000 spectators stood and stared as he made his way across the falls in a most dangerous Odyssey... one he had made several times before on stilts; carrying another man on his back; pushing a wheelbarrow; and even once, blindfolded. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Hellman's Mayo
New Auburn Business District Shop Local
Submitted by Glen Gisel
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery on May 5th in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
3 Generations LOVE Rolly’s Diner
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
Great scrambled eggs, great staff and a great place to take mom on her birthday!
87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Virginia Campbell (Grammy), Hannah Coughlin (Daughter) & Goldie Edwards (Mom & birthday girl)
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko De Mayo. The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. – Sydney J. Harris Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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JULY 2011 783-7039
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
NEXT DA Y DELIVER Y IN L/A! Towels, Tissues & Dispensers
Sorbents & Safety Supplies Textile & Paper Wipes
Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners
Chemicals & Cleaners
Breakroom & Food Service
Skin Care
Packaging
120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com At the awards show, the movie star's new and outrageous hairdo became the mane attraction.
New Auburn Business District
Yacht Refinancing
Shop Local I went to my bank to refinance a loan on my yacht.
Need merchandise for your next show? Making small talk with the loan officer, I told her that she was the main reason I came to that branch.
Band merchandise available! T-Shirts, Sweats, Ladies’ Clothing, Tops & Bottoms
Screenprinting and Embroidery 85 Third St., Auburn • 753-1177 • www.varsitylettering.com
Not even looking up from her paperwork, the loan officer responded, "You don't fool me, sailor. I'll bet you have a woman in every bank."
Out ’n About at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Lewiston on Memorial Day
WOW!
Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
$
12
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’s Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
In 1998, Koko the Gorilla participated in the first interspecies online chat via America Online. At the time Koko understood and used over 1000 words of sign language, and understood over 2000 words of spoken English. As many as 20,000 people logged on to chat with Koko during this historic event.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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My home town was so small that in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened.
Quality Service at an Affordable Price Beat the Heat!
SAVE $
A/C EVALUATION By Appointment Only With Coupon Only Expires 7-31-11
50.00
On Complete Brake Service Front or Rear Call For Appt. - With Coupon Only Expires 7-31-11
NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net
Morning Kiss A farmer and his wife had just awakened one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
The display of still-life art was not at all moving.
LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED July Special
$
1 OFF *full size sandwich
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
Ham & Cheese Sandwich includes choice of potato salad, cole slaw or chips & a pickle
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that? " The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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CHAD PORTER LIVE ON THE PATIO!
Live Music Every Wednesday On our patio! 6 - 9pm Beer & wine available Common sense isn't.
Ask about our new REWARDS CARD! Breakfast served all day! 600 Turner Street, Auburn
784-3434 www.heidisauburn.com
HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm; Sun. 10am-8pm
"Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps."
Top 10 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s
Summer is here! It’s time to think about a complete A/C performance check!
10) Best of the best 12 years running for automotive service 9) Full service garage, no problem too big or too small 8) Fair & honest quotes 7) Accurate diagnosis of problems 6) Expert service & highest quality 5) Great customer service with a smile 4) We service all makes and models 3) State of the art equipment 2) Complimentary Coffee & Donuts 1) Free shuttle service in L/A Just one of the many compliments we receive: “By far the most friendliest, honest and dependable auto shop in town! Also like their new waiting area with the leather couches and Keurig coffee machine. Keep up the good work!!”
Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433
Teaching Hazards One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked. "Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to twenty-three metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts."
Snorkel Packages Starting at $49.95 Snorkel, mask, fins, bag & DVD
Barclay s Skindivers Paradise
Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery
784-7300 685 Washington St. Auburn
"Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
"I prefer adjoining rooms," said Tom sweetly.
General Family & Cosmetic Dentistry
John Codjoe, DDS Eugene Kim, DDS Michael Bufo, DMD Kathy-Rae Emmi Maine Septic
$
25 GAS CARD for every new patient (cleaning, exam & X-rays) Expires 7/31/11. Not valid with any other offers.
Patti Gilbert & Steve Lamontagne Ouellette & Associates
Lisa-Marie Sasseville Natural Existence
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.
Opening Soon
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
Register for our E-News for updates on events & specials online at www.benoitsbakery.com
y r e k a B &
r a l l e C Wine
❦ Huge Wine Selection ❦ Freshly Baked Breads ❦ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❦ Fresh Home Made Fudge ❦ Large Cheese Selection ❦ Wine Tasting Events
Kurt Swanbeck & Susan Geismar Hebron Academy
Jan Barrett & Sheila Sylvester Ware Street Inn
Mark Prevost Schooner Estates
Farm Stand Now Open Fresh Produce • Jams • Jellies Maple Syrup • Ciders ...and more 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine
www.benoitsbakery.com You can't unsay a cruel thing.
Dustin Carrier Carrier Landscape
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ELHS
You Might Be An Engineer If…You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
Edward Little High School Class of 2001
Saturday, July 23, 2011 at Schooner Landing in Damariscotta from approximately 3pm to 7pm. If we get lucky with beautiful weather we'll be out on the deck overlooking the ocean. Your ticket price includes a full lobster bake (or a non-lobster barbeque option). There will be a cash bar. We will be providing buses from the ELHS parking lot to Damariscotta (about an hour and 15 min drive.) The bus will cost $10 per person. Until June 24th, tickets are $35 per person with no bus / $45 per person with a bus ride. After June 24th, tickets are $40 or $50 respectively. Your ticket is not confirmed until we have received your payment!! Please see the ʻELHS Class of 2001ʼ facebook page for full details or email: karli.fallos@gmail.com
In an 1886 White House ceremony, President Grover Cleveland married Frances Folsom. He was the first and only U.S. president to marry at the White House while in office. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes
Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net You Might Be An Engineer If…You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
Kids and Their Clichés: The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler on.
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
EVERY SDAY TUE 5:30pm – 8:00pm
5:30pm – 8:00pm
Elizabeth Turcotte Dempsey Challenge
Got a hot ride? Show it off at Roy’s!
Shelly Merrow & Tom Stacey
T-Shirts • 50/50 Raffle • Prizes • Give-Aways Featuring
Wayne Bates & Dan Cote
&GOLF CENTER Rt. 4, just past Lake Auburn THE BEST HAMBURGERS AROUND! MADE WITH FRESH GRADE-A STEAK, CUT & GROUND DAILY
Aqua Max
18-hole Mini Golf Driving Range Batting Cages
www.roysgolf.com Kids and Their Clichés: A rolling stone plays the guitar.
Dave Meeker, Laura Pandolfo & Emily Bourassa Sunday River Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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The only time you should ever have a chip on your shoulder is when you tried to dump the entire bag into your mouth.
FULL SERVICE HARLEY MOTORCYCLE SHOP
We service fuel injected Harleyʼs 140 Riverside Drive Auburn, Maine 04210
KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
207-782-9400 V-ROD & ROAD RODS State of Maine Inspection Station
SAM’S BODY SHOP Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00
We work on Shovelheads, Sportsters & older bikes
BUILT & SERVICED
email: info@v-shop.us
www.v-shop.us
Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!
for the whole family
Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall) DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.
(207) 782-5030
The Acker Clan
Pink Angels
FOR SALE
Walk-ins welcome
Fully restored 1972 Toyota FJ Land Cruiser CALL FOR PRICE
That Little Barber Shop
304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100 www.theshopclassicrestoration.net theshop@roadrunner.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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1 OFF Any Cut Men’s, Women’s & Children’s (Reg. $10)
THE SHOP AUTO SERVICE AND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION Mike Smith, owner
$
9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.) Cosmetologist Brittany Legare
312-5478 Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon
Kids and Their Clichés: A bird in the hand is a real mess.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems
Out ’n About with the Pink Angels at Schemengee’s A fundraiser for the Dempsey Challenge with live music by Forefront & Broad Street Band
JULY SPECIAL
OUR TIRES
Buy 4 New Tires Receive Front End Alignment
FREE $55 Value
60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210
782-6666 or 783-2026
MARK of EXCELLENCE AWARD WINNER
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
EMERSON CHEVROLET BUICK 946 Center Street • Auburn • 784-3503
Help! We need your trade!
RICH TREMBLAY
We’ve got the best selection of fuel economy cars & trucks. Incentives are high and now is the time to deal!! Come see me for details.
A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR • State Inspections • Rocker Panel Repair • Auto Repair • Reconditioning
I’ve gotta catch some Z’s after working hard for mom & dad at A-Plus Auto...
786-0522
Jimbo Rocks
41 Millett Drive, Auburn Located in the former Hebert’s Auto Building
Chance
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
At my age, forget all the health food; I need all the preservatives I can get!
Ron Peyser, Gamache & Lessard; Larry Morin Custom Window Decorators
Celeste Yakawonis The Perfect Choice
Diane Dubois Cassielʼs Day Spa
Nikki Bramlett Cassielʼs Day Spa
What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad!
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that's close enough.
ed “The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!” t c e Sel With 100% Customer Satisfaction!! 3 Master ASE Technicians QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Bob, Steve & John
Out ’n About with the Pink Angels at Schemengee’s A fundraiser for the Dempsey Challenge with live music by Forefront & Broad Street Band
CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all
HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420
Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com
8.8lb baby boy healthy and happy... Dad is too!
I live for live music...
NOW LOCATED AT:
216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339
Next to Republic Jewelry & parking in back of building www.soundeffectsmaine.com
Scott & Isaac Feldman
Appointments Required, Please call first Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…
NO PROBLEM!
$
55/hr. LABOR RATE
Brad Johnson
Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
Fully Warranteed & Certified
In Congress someone gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then they all disagree.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
"You are not a kid anymore when you are obsessed with the thermostat." – Jeff Foxworthy
The Back Forty
Rachel Larrivee, LMT & Justin Brousseau, LMT
Terri Cook Mechanics Savings Bank
Dave Iannotti
In 1979, someone in Stamford, Texas, paid $42,500 for one pig (the highest price ever for a pig). Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company, he finally brought down the house.
Just because I'm wandering, doesn't mean I'm lost. – Uncle Andy
y July Specials
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
Matt Callahan St.Laurent & Son
Tom Wilson & Dan Dyer Sullivan Tire
Paul & Deb Leonard Habitat for Humanity
990 Center Street, Auburn • 784-1348
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it." – Margaret Thatcher Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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TESTIMONIAL We’ve been running ads with Uncle Andy’s Digest for 11 plus years... and we get more than 60% of our job applicants directly from our ads in the Digest! We are very satisfied with the results and the extra service they provide each month. I highly recommend them to ANYONE who owns a business!
Joseph Stalin's grave is a Communist plot.
2003 Mercedes Benz
$
18,000
2003 Honda Element EX
$
8,775
S Class, Silver, Loaded, 82K, AWD
Loaded, AWD, Manual
2003 Saab 9-5 Aero
2002 VW GTI
$
7,495
Turbo, Black, 104K
$
5,995
Silver, 1.8 L. Turbo, Alloys, Roof, 5-speed
Other Inventory
Nancy Merrill Assisted Home Care Olympic track star Wilma Rudolph was born on June 23, 1940, in St. Bethlehem, Tennessee. Until she was 12, she had to wear a leg brace because of polio. At age 20, she became the first American woman to receive three Olympic gold medals -- by running! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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09 Cadillac CTS, 41K, 3.6L, Maroon .............................$23795 07 Chevy Aveo, 77K, ..........................................................$6995 05 GMC Yukon XL, 60K, Pewter ...................................$15995 05 GMC Canyon, Crew Cab...............................................$9995 05 Pontiac Montana, 86K .................................................$7495 04 Pontiac Vibe GT, 6-Speed, Alloys, Loaded................$7495 04 Saab 9-3, Standard Shift, Blck, Leather, Loaded ....$6495 04 VW Passat GLX, Auto ........................................call for price 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L 4x4 ................................$7495 03 VW Passat GLS, 124K, Auto.............................call for price 03 VW Jetta, Vr6, Blue.......................................................$5495 03 Dodge Neon, 86k .........................................................$4995 03 Volvo S60, AWD, Tan ...................................................$6995 02 Jeep Liberty, 3.7L, Black ..............................................$5495 02 Saab 9-5, Turbo, Silver ................................................$5885 02 Ford F250, 73k, Auto, 4x4, ......................................$12995 02 VW Passat, Grey, 116K, Manual................................$6495 02 VW Passat, 99K, Grey, Auto .......................................$7000 01 VW Jetta, 2.0L, Red, 133K..........................................$4995 01 VW GTI, Green, VR-6, 5-speed...................................$6495
01 Audi A-4 ..........................................................................$5485 01 Audi A4 1.8T, Silver ......................................................$5495 01 Audi A4 2.8L, Manual, AWD.......................................$6495 01 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4x4, Blue................................$5995 00 Honda Civic, Green .......................................................$4495 00 VW Passat, Turbo, Black..............................................$5495 00 Cadillac Escalade, Pewter, Loaded, 102k .................$5995 99 Saab 9-3, White, 108K ................................................$4995 89 Chevy Corvette, 52k, Black.......................................$10500 98-01 Audi Parts..............................................................Call FMI 94 Dodge Intrepid AS IS....................................................$2000 83 Mercedes 380SL Roadster, 2Door, 114k, V8, Auto .$10,495
INDEPENDENTAuto
1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston www.independentauto.me
Tim Bellmore
786-7744
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
WANTED
George O’Connell
Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli with live music by Chad Porter
Hey little buddy, smile nice for Uncle Andy...
New and Used Car Buyers REWARD: Customer satisfaction, loyalty, great pricing and friendly service. Stop in and enter to win 4 Red Sox tickets 946 Center St., Auburn
784-3503 Cell: 689-5117 Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
John Wallace & Kelly Hiltner Harvest Hill Farms
Hey, just because this guy is taking my picture I refuse to call him “Uncle” anything!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
JULY 2011
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Doormats with Attitude!
Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work.
To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website
www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The older we get, the fewer things there are that seem worth waiting in line for.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
$
11,500
$
$
7,995
5,500
2007 Chevy Equinox
2006 Dodge Caravan
1997 Ford F150
90K, AWD, Loaded, Leather
40K, Runs Good
Reg. Cab, 4X4, 114K UP TO 45 MPH
$
10,500
$
$
8,500
900
2003 Ford F250 Superduty
Racing Go Cart
1994 Chevy Rack Body
Reg. Cab, 4X4, V10, 84k
Racetrack Approved, New Motor
2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K
www.MandPautosales.com 2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6-Speed, Diesel . . . .$17,995 1994 Chevy 3500 Rack Body, No Dump, Diesel . . . .$8,500 1998 Chevy 1.2 Ton, 4WD, Short Box, 120K, 7½' Minute Mount Plow, Black. 4 Brand New Studded Tires . . .$4,500
Kelsie-Mae Rioux Graduates June 10th from Brunswick High School with high honors while maintaining 2 jobs as a CNA at Brentwood Rehabilitation and Sunnybrook Village. She is college-bound in the fall and will attend Southern Maine Community College. She will major in behavioral health.
Proud parents are Scott and Lori Rioux
M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
You Might Be An Engineer If…It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
Rowe KIA
RT 4, Center St. Auburn
800-790-7132
RoweAuburn.com
Tim sits in Cassiel’s massage chair
Great deals on all KIA!
Great selection on all makes & models!
Support your local dealers!
Cassielʼs Day Spa
Jake
Ah, Kemosabe!
Unheard-of pricing! May the
(Great gas mileage)
Force be with you!
Jason
Don
Steve Morgan Group Keller Williams Mid Maine
Carl Sheline Center Street Dental
Clothes don't necessarily make the man, but a good suit makes a lawyer.
You Might Be An Engineer If…You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
You Might Be An Engineer If…You have a pet named after a scientist.
AYURVEDIC WELLNESS CARE A•YUR•VE•DIC Rarely treating the symptoms, Ayurveda cures by removing the cause of disease. It is the oldest surviving complete medical system in the world. Derived from its ancient Sanskrit roots - 'ayus' (life) and 'ved' (knowledge) Ayurveda literally means "Knowledge of Life". It offers a unique blend of science and philosophy that brings harmony of body, mind and spirit.
Out ’n About at Rowe Auburn’s Customer Appreciation Days These empty buns kinda remind me of Uncle Andy’s advertising promises...
Ayurvedic Wellness can help you with: Pain Management • Arthritis • Bonesetting Stress & Anxiety & more. Ayurvedic Wellness can: Increase Energy & Stamina • Enhance quality of life Improve memory • Create a sense of peace & well-being & more. Text or email Chris to learn more or to book an appointment Christopher Harris, 54 High Street, South Paris csharris1@roadrunner.com • 207-332-2424 (text messaging and email preferred)
July Special
for exclusive promos!
What the heck, let’s go parking...
Buy 3 Get 1 FREE
DiamondCut
Jewelers
Exceptional Quality Jewelry u Maine Gemstones Layaway Options Available u Instant Approval Financing
DiamondCutJewelers.com
1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford
739-2300 Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9am-5pm • Sat. 9am-3pm
Bolster Monumental Works Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning Since 1877
1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673
David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience
You Might Be An Engineer If…You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
Florida will not longer count ballots. Instead, they will count the chads and divide by the square root of each candidates' hat size. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at LYAF Bingo in Lewiston
Kids and Their Clichés: No news is no newspaper.
Ethel Rueda
Kids and Their Clichés: It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity.
Arlene Houle
Rates as low as 2.75%* Stop by and apply today! INSTANT APPROVALS!**
Clayton Tardif Reputation is character minus what youʼve been caught doing.
Great Falls Federal Credit Union
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com
– Michael Lapoce
*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate. **Most cases.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Kids and Their Clichés: It's always darkest just before I open my eyes.
& Jimbo
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Kids and Their Clichés: You have nothing to fear but homework.
Tropic al Har mony
Out ’n About at LYAF Bingo in Lewiston
All your salt water tank needs right here!
Get your snacks & ice cold beer here before hitting the area golf courses!
Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372
Helen Kurts
Celebrate Summer! Home of the U.F.O. Potato Salad Pasta Salad Filled Finger Rolls Milkshakes Italians
Outdoor Dining
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com
Jane Morin
Look for this K+L decal at local businesses in L-A Check us out online at:
KandLGreenClean.com
We get you clean and stay green!
"Helping the environment one job at a time" Call us for a free quote to clean your business
K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725
Pat Ross Lauren & Kristie, owners
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Streaking for a Cure at the Hairem in Lewiston
I'm a pretty patient person - just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything.
WE PAY YOU! Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler
Molly Bean & Amy Fillion
Automobile Batteries.......................................................$9* Alloy Rims...............................................................$16 each* Catalytic Converters...................................from $8 to $260* Starters/Alternators ..............................................$4 each* Computer Green Board Scraps .............................$1.80/lb.* Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions. *Prices subject to change to market conditions
Isabella Dube & Madeline Albert
Jen Albert & Carmen
e Oxy. om Main Across fr n from ways dow Two drive z Inn. Dogg
15 Pierce Street, Auburn 615-7057 or 795-8887
R.I.P. Mom
Mary Groves Shannon Christianson & Cindi Skilling Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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March 15, 1958 – May 19, 2011 Only the Good Die Young! Cholesterophobia: The fear of frying.
Sell us your Harley! We’re Buying Bikes! Selling your Harley? Call us first and get
paid Top Dollar for your used bike! Help us fill our used inventory! Free appraisal & evaluation of your used bike.
Email a photo and description of your Harley for sale and get a response within 24 hours!
Byron Bouchard - Bike Buyer Email to: byron@l-aharley.com or call 786-2822
839 Main Street, Lewiston • 786-2822 • WWW.L-AHARLEY.COM Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9AM-6PM; Sat. 9AM-5PM; Sunday - GONE RIDIN’
Streaking for a Cure at the Hairem in Lewiston
Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm
Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.50/pp $5 Children 10 & under 782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston
www.davinciseatery.com
10% OFF with this ad
Donna Noel working her magic
Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries
• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups
Ron Moon, Manager
207-657-5000
35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039
THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414
Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings
AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS
CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com
Porter
Dog gonnit… We want your business!
Nessie
It rained so hard here last night our whole town flooded. The entire city was taken by storm.
9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •
Boo
(F) Hannah Dube & Isabelle Dube (B) Melanie & Bridget
THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm
Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm
FRIDAYS
SATURDAYS
LADIES Night Drink Specials
DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!
DJ & Live Local Entertainment
ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri. July 1st Sat. July 2nd Fri. July 8th Sat. July 9th Fri. July 15th Fri. July 16th Fri. July 22nd Sat. July 23rd Tues. July 26th Fri. July 29th Sat. July 30th
Lawton, Breakdown, Worthy Bones, My Own Demise & Full Circle Firewater Creek Paranoid Social Club See below FMI TBA Blue Khakis D-12 w/opening acts King Gordy & Local Legend Sandbag See below FMI Most Brutal Local Shows Gypsy is Back! Classic Rock Suicide Silence & Unearth plus lots of local bands - All Ages Show! TBA Party Train
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !
Come see why
CLUB TEXAS is
Friday, July 8th
Friday, July 16th
THE ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL OF CENTRAL MAINE !
Tickets on sale at Bull Moose Opening Act King Gordy & Local Legend Sandbag
Tickets $10
150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info
Out ’n About at LYAF Bingo in Lewiston
Kids and Their Clichés: The grass is always greener when you put manure on it.
3rd Year Anniversary July 15th & 16th
h s a B d n e k e e -W Friday, July 15th - VEGGIES BY DAY Sat. July 16th - KAINING AMY
Claudette Fisher
Party starts at 8pm each day Closed for vacation July 3rd-11th
under the tents
Bike Nite
Every Wednesday starts at 6pm
DON’T FORGET... Live Entertainment Every Wednesday thru Saturday
Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close
743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)
65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210
Diane Auger
(207) 333-3640 Est. 2008 The only cage-free facility offering 6,000 sq. ft. of comfortable inside play area in addition to 20,000 sq. ft. of outside play area!
Rita Haycock & Bonnie Seeley
• Blue Buffalo • K-9 Advantix thedoggzinn@gmail.com • Lupine • Christine’s K-9 Treats www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn • Planet Dog http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com ...and many more!
In 1997, Great Britain's 99-year lease of Hong Kong ended and Hong Kong's sovereignty reverted to China. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Kids and Their Clichés: Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom.
Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: Was the "Open valve A and close valve B" or was it the other way around?
Silly Wabbit
PEDRO O’ Hara’s
Irish • Mexican • American
Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week Don’t forget
134 Main Street, Lewiston
783-6200 Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick
the sunscreen this summer!
House of Lady Debra Presents...
Our Sock Hop!
While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions.
6pm-11pm
Every Saturday at the Lisbon V.F.W. Mouth-watering food, cash bar, door prizes & giveaways
Listen and dance to your favorite hits of the 50s & 60s Live D.J. ~ Music starts at 7pm Stump Dr. Love!! Lisbon V.F.W. • 52 Lisbon Rd. in Lisbon FMI call 689-3591 or 353-5291 email: houseofladydebra@yahoo.com
After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd." The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."
Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: HEY! Is smoke coming out of the core normal?
Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Music theory • Brass & Woodwinds We also sell and service all types of instruments Authorized Service Center
We are sponsoring
✭
✭
376-3376 134 Main Street Auburn
Camp of Rock Scholarship*
Apply Today! *Camp is Aug. 8th-19th, directed by Brian Gagnon
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: Meet your new plant superintendent: Homer Simpson.
✭
✭
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Why do my gums bleed when I brush or floss my teeth?
You Might Be An Engineer If…You can translate English into Binary.
by Dr. Rosemarie G. Sheline, DDS
Bleeding of the gums can be caused by many different factors such as diabetes, dry mouth syndrome, hormonal changes during pregnancy, and tobacco or substance abuse. The vast majority of the time, however, bleeding of the gums is caused by poor oral hygiene. Failure to brush and floss properly (or not enough) can lead to plaque buildup along and under the gum line. The accumulation of plaque results in inflammation of the gums, swelling, and bleeding. This disease is called gingivitis. Over time, the possibility of infection can result. This may lead to a more severe form of gum disease known as periodontitis. If left untreated, periodontitis may destroy the tissues that support the teeth, including the gums, the periodontal ligaments, and the tooth sockets (alveolar bone). Don't ignore the symptoms! Treatment for gum disease begins with seeking professional dental care from your dentist. Your dentist and hygienist will perform a thorough exam and cleaning and put you on the path towards healthy gums. Contact Dr. Sheline at Center Street Dental, 26 Cross St, Auburn. Call her office at 784-2211. See their ad on page 49.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You Might Be An Engineer If…You can't remember what's behind the door at the lab that says "Exit."
You Might Be An Engineer If…The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli with live music by Chad Porter
Since 1953
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com
MONDAY The Fergy
TUESDAY Meatball Subs
WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners
sm. $2.50/lg. $5.00
sm. $3.20/lg. $6.00
1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $4.50
THURSDAY Mini Pizza
FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians
1 Top $2.60/2 Top $3.30
with 1.5 Liter Drink $5.99
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 My first word was Husqvarna...
I bake, therefore I am.
A little music with my dinner makes for better digestion...
Out ’n About at Reggie’s Sales & Service in Auburn Reggie Sr, Owen & Karrissa
Jimbo to Uncle Andy: You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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If you can't tie good knots, tie plenty of them. – Yachtsman's Credo
Celebrate your independence Cuts & Styles Emily
Christine
Michelle
all month long!
Acrylic & Shellac Nails
Highlights & Colors and much more
!
Jen
Cindy studio for hair, nails & massage
Elizabeth
Lynn
Micaela
20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009
www.panachehairandnailstudio.com
(Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday
Big City Worry
put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, we'd be sure to hear him.
A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren't used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security. The first night we placed a chair against the door and stacked our luggage on it. To complete the barricade, we
RS DOO N AT OPE PM 3:00
Around 1 a.m. there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" my friend asked nervously. "Honey," a woman on the other side yelled, "you left your key in the door."
Knights of Columbus
MORE GAMES
• MORE PRIZES • MORE
RY EVE AY ESD N D WE PM 6:30
WINNERS
Up to 48 Cards for $10 Sealed Tickets • W.T.A. • 50/50 Prizes Canteen • New Friendly Staff
150 East Ave., Lewiston • 782-9265 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You Might Be An Engineer If… Your favorite James Bond character is "Q".
The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing.
Radiant Pools
Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli with live music by Chad Porter
• Can be installed inground, semi-inground, sloped terrain or above ground • 52˝H insulated walls • Lifetime warrantee against winter damage
Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
Diane Dyer, Jen Hogan & Jessica Burgess
All who would win joy, must share it; happiness was born a twin.
Community Credit Union
– Lord Byron
Kids and Their Clichés: The squeaking wheel gets annoying.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Playing The Game So That Kids Win!
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
Denise Blanchette of Lewiston traded in her street shoes for bowling shoes as she participated in Bowl For Kids’ Sake, the annual fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters. She participates in memory of her sister, Doris Blanchette, who was a Big Sister to a local Lewiston youth in the mid 1980’s. “I bowl for Big Brothers Big Sisters because it helps the kids in the program, but I also do it because my sister would be proud of me for doing this,” Denise said. In 1992 Doris Blanchette was only 32 years old when she died of bacterial meningitis. Doris was a happy-go-lucky person who loved to cook, listen to music, and was a natural around children. She joined Big Brothers Big Sisters when she worked at Country Kitchen in Lewiston. The program was looking for kind, caring individuals to serve as mentors to area youth and one of her co-workers suggested that she join the program. Doris looked into it and was soon matched with a little sister. Denise recalls that Doris took her Little Sister everywhere with her. “We have a family store and she would bring her Little Sister there and have fun times with her - sharing her world with this little girl. It was really wonderful because you could tell that Doris loved being with her Little Sister.” Denise works in the family business, Blanchette’s Variety Store. “Everyone in my family donates to Big Brothers Big Sisters each year at this time,” Denise says. “Even my close customers and friends donate and it makes me feel good to know they support what I am doing in memory of my sister.” Denise has been a Bowl For Kids’ Sake bowler off and on for many years, but more recently she has become a consistent supporter of the event having raised over $2,000 in the last 3 years. “I went to high school with the director of Big Brothers Big Sisters and I realized that I needed to be involved again with the program. It was like my sister was there telling me to do this, so I got involved. It’s for a great cause and makes me feel good doing it,” Denise says. This year Denise had a personal goal of raising $300, but it quickly went to $400, then $500 and beyond. “I finally said that $600 would be my goal, but then I raised over that amount, so I decided that I would just continue to collect as much pledge money as I could,” Denise added. “And now I am up to $700 exactly, so that makes me very happy.” Denise thinks that if her sister were alive today, she would be bowling at this event. “I know Doris loved children, and I am sure that she would be on my bowling team enjoying this event in support of the kids in our area. She was just that type of person.” While Denise is not a Big Sister herself, she keeps the memory of her sister alive by supporting something Doris loved. “People still talk to me about Doris and how much they miss her, and my whole family misses her every day and there is incredible emotion behind every donation that I receive for Big Brothers Big Sisters.” Denise says that her family is very close and it is her hope that next year she can create a family team called “The Doe-Doe Birds” that will bowl in memory of her sister, Doris. “This event means a lot to me because it motivates me and I just do it,” Denise says, “but I do it because Doris would be happy to see me doing this. I think everybody should do this like I do, but I guess I have a different purpose.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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SIMPLICITY g FLEXIBILITY
g
EASE
Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Check us out for all your payroll needs!
PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.
100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com
"When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are." – Cary Grant
True friends are like jewels, precious and rare. False ones are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.
Framing Made Simple
Streaking for a Cure at the Hairem in Lewiston
$
8x10 ............................. 10 16x20 ...........................$20 20x24 ...........................$30 24x36 ...........................$40
Metal Frame (silver, black or gold) Regular Glass
Affordable, everyday pricing, just for you!
Foam Core Backing
Expert Custom Framing! Quality Personal Service!! Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.
23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 www.DandRFraming.com
Dan Williams, owner
Christine Nazaroff
Magical Powers These three ladies wisely brought a copy of Uncle Andy’s Digest with them on a recent trip to Florida. Flashing the worldrenowned Digest at packed restaurants magically got them a table in seconds. They were ushered to the front of the line at amusement park rides. Let into the VIP section at night clubs and waited on hand and foot at the hotel spa. So next time you take a vacation, don’t worry about your toothbrush or having enough pairs of socks, just make sure you’ve got an Uncle Andy’s in your suitcase and everything else will just fall into place.
Trevor Laliberte
Janey, Louise & Donna
SUMMER SPECIAL Clean your furnace
Tune-Up Time Oil • Gas • Solid Fuel
New homes • Replacement equipment & repairs
in 10th year ! s busines
Avoid costly repairs with our tune-ups! Multi-unit Discounts • FREE Estimates 24 hour emergency service • Call 615-6391
at affordable rates! *
$120
Labor & parts included *most units
Child’s Heating Service 345-3083 www.childsheatingserviceinc.com "The only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is extraordinary determination." – Mary Kay Ash
Emily Bean Two keys hang in an undertaker's office one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Red Light Submitted by Glen Gisel
"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first." – David H. Comins
The stoplight on the corner buzzes in our town when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a co-worker who often spoke before she thought. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”
sushi $
House warm sake!
• Full Sushi Menu & Bar • Freshly Caught Seafood Ingredients • Executive Sushi Chef from Boston every weekend
3
off any sushi order over $20
Limit 1/order • Expires 7.31.11
730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza, next to Flagship Cinema
376-4855
www.jasminecafemaine.com
Kids and Their Clichés: There is nothing new under the bed.
Out ’n About at LYAF Bingo in Lewiston
Happy 50th Anniversary!
Richard Tardif & Dot Bellefleur
Harriet & Fred Schneider Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Doris Duplissis
Norm & Joan Gagnon will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on August 26th.
"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased." – Katharine Hepburn
A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
Earn
10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!
Out ’n About at Rowe Auburn’s Customer Appreciation Days
We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!
Expires 7/30/11
Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm
Richard Conway, owner
A skeptic sees the handwriting on the wall but claims it's a forgery."
DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductee I have some pretty good company on that wall of fame!
Scott Savage of Poland
Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm
Call me to finance your next vehicle at Rowe Auburn.
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame! Home of the Double Yolker
Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere
Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
Lea Smith In 780 B.C. the Chinese recorded the first reliably reported total eclipse of the sun. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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King Arthur's Unknown Knights
I stayed in a really old hotel last night - they sent me a wake-up letter.
It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included: Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight Sir Pass - Arthur's best knight of all Sir Port - A great help to all the other knights Sir Culation - A knight who got around a bit popular at parties Sir Prise - the knight who could always be relied on to do the unexpected Sir Vey - a watchful knight Sir Monise - a rather long-winded and droning knight, but a good, moral sort Sir Cuitous - a knight who approached his duties in a roundabout way Sir Pose - a knight who stands by wild predictions Sir Cumflex - a knight with a strange accent Sir Cumvent - the evasive knight Sir Reen - a calm and cheerful knight (continued on next page)
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It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Laws of Life: When ones hands are covered in oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Itchiban)
(continued from previous page)
Sir Spicious - a paranoid knight Sir Real - a vague and insubstantial knight Sir Cumstances - a knight whose fault it never was Then there were the non identical twins Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice - the longest and shortest knights.
Picking a Winner The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands. "Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?" The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is." The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?" "Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork." Laws of Life: Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Incuranctions So Sorry Law)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at Rowe Auburn’s Customer Appreciation Days
You Might Be An Engineer If…You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy."
YTH2042 Yard Tractor
Price...$1599
Price...$399
Price...$1699
"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." -- Christopher Morley Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Kids and Their Clichés: If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace.
Out ’n About at Rowe Auburn’s Customer Appreciation Days
Kids and Their Clichés: If you can't stand the heat, go swimming.
Home of the
With flowers, words are optional.
Crazy Daisies $
It’s all about the details!
7.99 a Bunch
Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn • 782-3457
www.annsflower.com Squeaky clean!
Rowe Auburn Service Department Kids and Their Clichés: Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long.
Home of the Gluten-free Crust
Featured Sandwiches for July Steak & Cheese and
"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine." – John C. Maxwell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Steak & Cheese Deluxe Try one or both, you can’t go wrong! The Little Place with the Great Taste
Rt. 100 • New Gloucester
Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm
Check us out online at www.mariositalianmaine.com
926-3434
Breakfast Served Daily until 11am
Kids and Their Clichés: The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.
Losing is like fertilizer: it stinks for a while, then you get used to it.
Signs... They’re everywhere!
Banquet & Function Room For quality banquets & functions at prices that won’t break the bank... • Business Meetings • Receptions • Parties • Anniversaries
Think Gippers! 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought, which they avoid." –Soren Kierkegaard
CELEBRATE RESPONSIBLY THIS SUMMER!
$3.00 OFF per gallon Exterior • Outstanding color retention in flat, mid-gloss, high-gloss and soft gloss sheens • Superior adhesion to oil and latex • Highest performance on any paintable surface • Useable on wood, metal, concrete, stucco, brick and more • Highest performance on any paintable surface
516 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 784-1993 • M-F 7am-5pm, Sat. 7:30am-1pm
www.lewistonpaint.com Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it. – George Halas
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Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli
"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: NOW." – Denis Waitley
with live music by Chad Porter
Why was the Tibetan rooster unusual? Himalayan!
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"Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?"
"I'm back from my lobotomy..." he said absentmindedly.
Best Breakfast Burrito in Town! Grab a Coffee & Bagel To Go
Need Catering?
Try Holly’s 4 Soups Served Daily
Weddings, birthdays, we do it all! Customize your orders. Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs Private Functions Upstairs 84 Court St, Auburn
333-3041
Signs... They’re everywhere!
Grab a picnic lunch to go!
Hours: Mon.-Fri. 8:00-4pm • Sat. 11am - 4pm
www.hollysown.com
Holly Mireault, Owner
Our Services: Proudly Celebrating Our
3rd Year Anniversary
❖ Massages ❖ Hair ❖ Manicures ❖ Facials ❖ Pedicures ❖ Waxing Back l to r: Shannon Lord, Mel Cote, Hannah Greene. Front: Ashley Farrell, Darcy Ames
Now hiring Experienced Stylists, Massage Therapist & Nail Tech
A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-lapen-o," not "ha-lopeen-yo."
(apply within)
336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 Hours: Tues. 10am-7pm • Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm
Music Every Weekend!
Free WiFi
Friday July 1st
Open Jam Thursdays
Veggies by Day
Saturday July 9th Black Cat Road Friday July 29th
Pepper
Ruckus
97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668 The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. – William Faulkner
The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called." The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please." The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli with live music by Chad Porter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. – Douglas Adams
BEAUTIFUL
Smiles
CREATED EVERY DAY. NEW PATIENTS ALWAYS WELCOME.
Preventative & Cosmetic Dentistry Our goal is to help you achieve optimal dental health. Yeah, it’s true! Live music every Wednesday on the patio right here at Heidi’s!
TAYLOR BROOK
DENTAL ASSOCIATES
OUR LOCATION: 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210 Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances
(207)784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. – Jim Murray
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. – Ted Ray
Out ’n About at Mary Deschenes’ surprise Retirement Party Mary taught for 40 years in the Lewiston school system, 5 at McMahon School and 35 at Montello. You guys got me! I had no idea!! I thought I was going to see my son Tom receive an award from the city!
Mary Deschenes Maryʼs philosophy over her 40 year teaching career was to always be fair, be firm and make learning fun. Keep your expectations high and the children will meet them!
Front: Kelly Grover, Mary & Ray Deschenes. Back: Chris Grover & Tom Deschenes "How's Business?" asked the bystander. Said the street cleaner, "Things are picking up." It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. – Hank Aaron
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Code 33
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. – Don Adams
It was April 1st, and in a small midwestern town, two rookie policemen were patrolling the downtown business area. They decided to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time was 11:55 AM. Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio: "Code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana." Well, there was only one bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. A code 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and the two rookies decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them just before lunch. So they continued enjoying their coffee break.
SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART
At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."
497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232
Realizing it was past noon and the dispatcher sounded frantic, they rushed across the street -- but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split. To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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• Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars
HUGE SALE
Hit Florian’s before you hit the beach!! • Cold Sandwiches & Italians • Chips & Snacks • Soft Drinks, Beer & Wine • Sunglasses & Hats • Ice • Charcoal • Sun Screen • and more!
TUESDAY SPECIAL
Italians $1.59 (ham, salami or veggie)
Find us on Facebook & Foursquare
F~lorian’s Market ~
301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week
I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. – Gerald R. Ford
Laws of Life: When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)
Out ’n About on the patio at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli
INDEPENDENT FUNDRAISING EVENT
benefitting THE PATRICK DEMPSEY CENTER FOR
2nd Annual Cancer Hope & Healing BENEFIT BASH atLost Valley Sunday, July 10th • 10am-6pm •Mechanical Bull Rides
s d n a B e v i L 5 Arlo West & the Pinecasters Veggies By Day Forefront Broad Street Band Chad Porter
•Cash Bar •Silent Auction •Outdoor BBQ
Ladies & Gentleman, Mr. & Mrs. Adam Dow Congratulations to Adam & Hillary!
Tickets $10 ea.
Ticket sales go SPONSORED BY directly to the KRY Auto Sales Dempsey Challenge
Laws of Life: The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it's exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)
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Mary Poppins Room Service
Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: Look at the good news, we are going to find out whether people actually glow in the dark.
Submitted by Jimbo
Lewiston Youth Activities Fund We support school libraries!
Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly, madam," he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday at 6:30PM $
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100
Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A.
"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese, please," said Mary. Robert Poulin Bingo Nut
"Certainly, madam," he replied.
Kathy Tremblay, Tyl er
Pulk & Brooke Deros ier LYAF Staff
"And may I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room. The night passed uneventfully. The next morning, Mary came down early to check out. The same
burn Diane Hep ff a St F LYA
Norm & Joan Gagnon Bingo players
Jane Burn s&
Becky Gre goire LYAF Staff
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394
(continued on next page)
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Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: Sniff, sniff... you smell that?
(continued from previous page)
Kids and Their Clichés: A penny saved is nothing in the real world.
Sponsors area inner city kids to attend summer camps. $
2,200 donated to send 35 kids to
summer camps!! Total donations in 2011 so far exceeds $15,000!
FISHING - CAMPING - SWIMMING
guy was still at the desk. "Morning, madam. Sleep well?" "Yes, thank you," Mary replied. "Food to your liking?" "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional -- I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though; they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully. "Oh. Well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our guest comments book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist. "Ok, I will. Thanks!" replied Mary. She then checked out, paused awhile, and scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. Here it is: "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!'' "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." ~Lucille Ball
You Might Be An Engineer If…You've even calculated how much you make per second.
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Future Price of Roses
"Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors." – J. Bothne
The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.
LIGHT & HEAVY DUTY TRUCK SERVICE & REPAIRS You can come to us or we can go to you!
When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life.
Suspension Service • Oil Changes Inspections • Roadside Assistance Turn Rotors • Transmission Flush Tune Ups & Much More!
The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife." The young man bought a dozen roses.
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday
2 Fer $14.95
2 Fer $16.95
Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread
Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock
You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price
**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad
w/ shrimp stuffing
Broiled Haddock Steak Tips
Outdoor Patio
w/onions (plain or teriyaki)
All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.
BOOK TODAY & BE BEACH READY
Ann Dumais
Kelly Giambra
Sue Poulin
Kim Galgovitch
Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond
Lysa Ronan
Valerie Kelshaw
Jacinta Labbe
We are a full service salon FREE WiFi
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
786-4311
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
Doormats with Attitude! Kids and Their Clichés: Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday.
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us! No Separating Required!
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
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Out ’n About at the B2B Trade Show at the Lewiston Colisee
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
WWW.MAINEOXY.COM
Laurie Pelletier Rainbow FCU
Betsey Sibley & Stacey Curit Northeast Bank
Mike Rogers, Julie Poulin & Matt Gutshall Northeast Bank
"It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all." – James Thurber Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433 The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Act like you expect to get into the end zone. – Joe Paterno
Fontaine Family Team adds teammate
Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103
New Patients Always Welcome Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available
TAYLOR BROOK
DENTAL ASSOCIATES
OUR LOCATION:
We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances
27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210
(207)784-1577
Chad Sylvester has recently joined the Fontaine Family – The Real Estate Leader at 336 Center Street in Auburn, specializing in the marketing and sale of commercial and investment property. Chad holds and Associate Broker license and has been selling Real Estate since 2003. Chad graduated from the University of Maine at Orono, earning a Bachelor’s degree in finance and has taken numerous commercial and investment courses. Chad has been a local business owner since 1997, including Praxis Production Studios. Chad’s extensive experience in business, commercial and investment properties and his focus on the client’s needs will be an asset to his clients who are looking into making smart investment decisions. He is a lifelong resident of Maine and lives in Sabattus with his wife, Sherri and their two daughters. He enjoys hockey, skiing and hiking.
TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM
Chad can be reached at 784-3800 or by e-mail at chad@fontaineteam.com. Chad invites you to call him for your commercial real estate needs.
"Between infinite and short there is a big difference." – G.H. Gonnet
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Out ’n About at Windham Summerfest
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." – Buddy Hackett
dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo
All photos © Port City Photography
Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm
WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich
Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.25 • Large $15.95
DAILY SPECIALS Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . .$8.50
Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.25
w/salad & chips
Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams - sm. $11.25 . .$14.25 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw
Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.75 • Large $13.25
Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . .$7.95 w/carrots, potato & gravy, rolls
Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . .$6.95
Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95
w/potato & rolls
Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls
Baked Salmon $10.95 Try our delicious crabmeat rolls! They’re a big hit!
includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Cloeslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
Liam Kalloch, cook
BREAKFAST BUFFET
Adults .............$6.95 6 & under .......$3.95
SATURDAY & SUNDAY
Now open from 7am-11am
Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE
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There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
Border Battle Submitted by Jim Bossie
A long fought over dispute came to a confrontation as to where exactly the boundary was between Maine and New Hampshire. A surveying team was hired to finally resolve the issue. After weeks of painstaking labor and surveying, it was found that a frail old man who lived in a log cabin, and who was thought to live in Maine at the edge of its' border, actually lived in New Hampshire. The surveyor sadly and reluctantly went to inform the old man of this, and when he knocked on the door, the old man appeared. After the surveyor told him that he actually lived in New Hampshire instead of Maine, the old man replied, "Well, God bless you son for the wonderful news... I don't think that I could have survived another Maine winter."
Things Not To Say To On Date I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
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Out ’n About at Windham Summerfest
My mind makes contracts my body can't keep.
All photos © Port City Photography
Summer heat got you beat? Come to Thatcher’s to rest your feet!
RESTAURANT 892-9922
Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm Sun 12 - 8pm
Located at 907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere
Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners
The gleam in my eye is from the sun hitting my bifocals.
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My knees buckle and my belt won't.
Out ’n About at Windham Summerfest
I sit in the rocking chair and can't get it going.
All photos © Port City Photography
indham •
Located
orth W . 115 in N
0
892-822
on Rt
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
Monday Night Scrambles
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
Make your own team or sign up as a single. Call the club for more information.
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
GIFT CARDS available at our online store! www.SpringMeadows.com
Great idea for birthdays & other occasions! Purchase them at our pro shop, on the phone or now directly form our online store!!
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
2 for 1
Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.
ATTENTION FACEBOOK FANS! You can now book a tee time directly from the Spring Meadows FaceBook account. Convenient, fast and easy. Try it today!
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS Check out new website: SpringMeadowsGolf.com
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
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It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Whether you’re going to the beach, to the races or just hanging out in your own back yard...
Dad’s Place is a great place to fill your cooler!
Dad’s Place
There’s NO PLACE like...
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551
Confucius Say Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.
Summer Catering From Weddings to Backyard BBQ’s to Company Parties & More!
Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price No job too big or too small! There’s NO PLACE like...
345-9009
Dad’s Place Catering Division
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Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing
Confucius Say Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
Confucius Say Man who run in front of car get tired.
Out ’n About at Windham Summerfest All photos © Port City Photography
Confucius Say Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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A Day Off
Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: A leak? Can't you fix it with duct tape or something?
Little Travis burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?" Travis said, "They let me go early because I was the only one who could answer a tough question." "Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked. "'Who threw the eraser at the teacher?'" Most auto accidents are caused by mechanical faults - the loose nut behind the steering wheel.
Laws of Life: Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Gotta Go!)
Now Offering
PAVING Professional, Affordable & High Quality Work 20 years experience Commercial & Residential
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Materials Sold & Delivered Mulch • Packing Gravel • Top Soil • Crushed Rock • Mulch by the bag or truckload
M&P Property Management 1339 Sabattus Street, Lewiston Moe 577-0690 • Scott 402-5108 • moe.poirier@yahoo.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Laws of Life: Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. (The Hair-Wind Principle)
Confucius Say Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
One Rifle Hunting Submitted by Marty Dow
Three goobers, Travis, Jimbo and Uncle Andy, went away on a hunting trip. Once they'd set up their camp site, they prepared to leave for the hunt. Unfortunately, they discovered they'd only brought one hunting rifle along with them. So they decided they'd each take turns hunting.
• Power your whole house • Keep medical equipment running • Keep food cold & your home warm • Keep well pumps & sump pumps working
And Much More!
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ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn
783-7126
Travis headed out first and, a few hours later, he returned. He came back with a raccoon. The other two goobers, Jimbo and Uncle Andy were amazed and asked how he got the raccoon. "Saw tracks, followed tracks, shot raccoon," Travis said. The second goober, Jimbo, thought that this was going to be easy, so he headed out. After a short time, he came back with a bear. The other two goobers, Travis and Uncle Andy asked how he got the bear and he replied, "Saw tracks, followed tracks, shot bear." The third goober, Uncle Andy thought that this was so easy, even he could do it. He left... and came back three days later, battered and bruised. He looked awful. The other goobers, Travis and Jimbo asked what had happened.
www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com
He said, "Saw tracks, followed tracks... got hit by train."
Confucius Say Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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Out ’n About at Windham Summerfest All photos © Port City Photography
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs • Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance
BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs
LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029
BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797
Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?
L/A’S NEWEST RESTAURANT Breakfast Served Daily 6-11
Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner
Family Dining & Casual Atmosphere • Full Bar • Plenty of Parking
DECK NOW OPEN FOR THE SUMMER! 757 Main Street, Lewiston (Across from Marden’s ) • 376-4990 Open 7 days a week 6am-9pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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If "Q" were castrated, would he become "O"?
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.
20 years of experience
225-5833 576-9070 You dream it. We’ll build it. You’ll love it.
Jim, Dan, Art & Shawn
BEST PRICES AROUND!
• We install all pools, no matter where you bought it • In-ground & above-ground • Complete restoration • Service & maintenance
• Patios • Retaining walls • All facets of decorative landscaping
WWW.POOLBUILDERSOFMAINE.COM
Auburn-Lewiston YMCA Welcomes John Emerson to Board of Directors
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” The Y welcomes John Emerson, President of Louis/Emerson Chevrolet-Buick in Auburn, as a new member of the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA Board of Directors. John has had ties to the Y since he first became a member at age 12, logging many hours as a participant in youth basketball and occasionally assisting Roger Childs with youth sports. John has been in the car business for over 33 years and has also served on the Boards at St. Maryʼs Hospital, CMCC, St. Domʼs, and Martindale Country Club. John committed a lot of his time over the years on United Way Campaigns, and helped raise money for the new St. Domʼs School and the Auburn Public Library. In 2003 the City of Auburn named John as Citizen of the Year. John and his wife Beth have 4 children: Johnny (24), Willie (21), Mary (18), and Eddie (15). Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Regular Paperbacks $1/each $
3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2
20 OFF %
all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks Pre-Read Books arriving daily
Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!
INVENTORY REDUCTION
SALE! 20% - 70% OFF
Featuring
131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week
8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
s Alway g n i Buy
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
CALL US FOR THE NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATE!
We Buy, Sell & Trade
Out ’n About with the Pink Angels at Schemengee’s A fundraiser for the Dempsey Challenge with live music by Forefront & Broad Street Band
Full Line Gun Smith Service New website coming soon!! Check us out!
DRIVING RANGE
J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager
RESTAURANT
Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat
John Reid, Owner
MINI-GOLF
Check us out online!
Save the date!
Flashback Sock Hop August 13th
Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am
TABERS
Open 7 days a week! Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn
www.tabersgolf.com
Pat’s Pizza
THE DECK awaits you…
784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Grandparents Answering Machine
At Andrew Jackson's funeral in 1845, his pet parrot had to be removed because it was swearing.
Submitted by Gene Couillard
"Hello. You have reached Nana and Grampa. We're not able to come to the phone right now. If you are one of our children, dial 1, state your name, and then select from one of the following: If you need us to watch your children, press 2. If you want to borrow our car, press 3. If you want us to do your laundry, press 4. If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5. If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6. If you want us to have you to dinner on Sunday or to bring it to your house, press 7. If you need money, press 8. If you are calling to invite us to dinner or a movie, start talking; we are listening." Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston
1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore
784-3100
897-3400
www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com Acupuncture was first used as a medical treatment in 2700 BC by Chinese emperor Shen-Nung.
Bock's Car was the name of the B-29 Bomber that dropped the Atom Bomb on Nagasaki.
Call for a FREE QUOTE
BONDED & FULLY INSURED
Out ’n About with the Pink Angels at Schemengee’s A fundraiser for the Dempsey Challenge with live music by Forefront & Broad Street Band
Retaining Walls • Walkways & Steps • Brick Patios • Specialty Stonework • Granite Curbing • Foundations • House Lots • Excavation • And more! •
Shawn Brown, Project Manager • 740-0560 There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".
Ball Lightning Normally the size of a bowling ball, ball lightning is a sphere of glowing light that strikes during thunderstorms. In 1977, a ball of lightning the size of a bus bounded down a hillside in Wales, the largest sized ball of lightning ever to be recorded.
Doormats with Attitude!
Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities
Service Rental Sales
Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.
CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT
G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500
We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.
Canada declared national beauty contests canceled as of 1992, claiming they were degrading to women.
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Parking Space Sign Language After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'" A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Chicago's Lincoln Park was created in 1864. The original 120 acre cemetery had most of its graves removed and was expanded to more than 1000 acres for recreational use.
Streaking at The Hairem
Christy Poulin
In mirror: Bridget & Isabelle Dube. Left: Linda Landry (3 year breast cancer survivor) & Amy Fillion
Streaking For A Cure!
ia Jacinta & Oliv
Doreen, Janie & Betty
Jen Lachan ce, Erin & Cou Kristen, rtney
111 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-4104
100% of the proceeds go to the Dempsey Challenge!
First four countries to have television: England, the U.S., the U.S.S.R., and Brazil.
Check Out Our Showroom!
Congrats Graduates!
Kyle Giguere Family Owned & Operated
Graduated from UMass, Amherst with a Bachelors degree in Landscape Design and Horticulture.
786-5556
995 Center Street, Auburn • www.granitemarblecountertops.net Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm
Grand Rapids, Michigan was the 1st US city to fluoridate its water in 1945.
Out ’n About at Mary Deschenes’ surprise Retirement Party Mary taught for 40 years in the Lewiston school system, 5 at McMahon School and 35 at Montello.
All in the Family
Keenan Giguere graduated from Edward Little H.S. with his brother, Kyle.
Front: Jim Horn, Tim Lacombe, Kelly Grover, Tom Deschenes, Maggie Joyce & Michael Lacombe. Back: Paul Lacombe, Linda Horn, Chris Grover, Gwendolyn & Jennifer Lacombe, Mary & Ray Deschenes, John & Darlene Joyce & Katie Lacombe.
Michael Peppe, shown with his teacher, Mrs. Larrabee was presented with the Lori Purington Award at Elm Street School
Martha Washington, Pocahontas, and Susan B. Anthony are the only 3 women to have been represented on US currency.
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Huge Trees Back in the day men who cut trees for a living smithed a long saw as seen below to conquer the Sequoia, also known as the mammoth tree.
Members of the Nazi SS had their blood type tattooed on their armpits.
Eggcettera Catering OVED UNC LE ANDY APPR
Please order one day prior. Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.
784-5544 31 Leavitt Street, Auburn (first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. intersection as you head toward Mechanic Falls)
Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards
Dinner Menu $7.00 per person, Dinner for 1-200
See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Nevada was the first state to sanction the use of the gas chamber, and the first execution by lethal gas took place in February, 1924.
NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night
What is business coaching? Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge. Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.
New Orleans' first Mardi Gras celebration was held in February, 1826.
is pleased to announce that we have moved to a new location! We are now located at 245 Center St. Suite 7 in Auburn. We are absolutely thrilled with and take pride in our new and improved space. Some of our upgrades include: plenty of parking, four beautifully spacious multi-functional rooms in our soothing spa area, and five brand new state of the art pedicure chairs in our casual but elegant salon area. The greatest part of our improvements is that we have not increased our prices. We offer facials, facial and body waxing, massages, and now couples massages. We also offer haircuts, coloring, foiling, etc. as well as manicures, artificial nails, gel/shellac manicures, and pedicures. We enjoy catering to bachelorette and bridal parties as well. We look forward to pampering you at our beautiful new location. Please call 777-3939 to set up an appointment today! Also, become our friend on Facebook to receive exclusive online specials. Remember, “A Little Pampering Goes A Long Way.”
MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERS SHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS We also carry: All other types of firearms Knives • Ammo by the case We Buy - Sell - Trade Finders fee for collections
Call Matt, Drew or Chris at
Rt. 4 • Turner, ME
225-3432
Just past Twitchell’s Airport
Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210
g3firearms@megalink.net
New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote! “The Difference is in the Details”
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available
See their ad on page 88.
"The scientific theory I Iike best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." – Mark Russell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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New York's first St. Patrick's day parade was held on March 17, 1762.
On December 20, 1860, South Carolina was the first state to secede from the Union.
Assisted Home Care
CNA’s GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials
Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team!
Snow White Photos Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry. Someday your prints will come." Teaching junior high school English, Mr. Speller emphasized the importance of nice clean margins on student papers.
If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us!
One seventh-grade boy said in his essay that he was sorry to write in the margarine.
Nancy Merrill: Administrator Heather Trainer: Director of Nursing
When he graded his paper, Mr. Speller added a little note next to his that said, "Maybe next time you will do butter."
Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston
783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.
Confucius Say Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
In 1989 auction at Christie's in New York City, "Portrait of Duke Cosimo I de Medici" by Jacopo da Carucci (Pontormo) sold for $32 million to the J. Paul Getty Museum. It is the most ever paid for an Old Master painter. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Confucius Say Man who sit on tack get point!
ED
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Make your appointment today!
Customer Appreciation July 5th & July 7th
50% OFF
Sheila’s Hair Salon 5 S. Main St., McFalls 345-3819 is proud to add Allie Fahey French to the staff. Allie graduated from North West Hair Academy and Paul Mitchell School. She is inviting her graduation class of Poland Regional High School ‘08 to come in and see her for a cut/color/perm and save $7.00 for first-time customers.
Cuts only
Sheila
SHEILA’S HAIR SALON
Nicole Angela
345-3819 Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2
5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls
Confucius Say Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
Laws of Life: After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Irreversibility)
Huge Trees Back in the day men who cut trees for a living smithed a long saw as seen below to conquer the Sequoia, also known as the mammoth tree.
We welcome your feedback! Let us know how we’re doing. Call: 783-7039, email: editor@UncleAndys.com or message us on Facebook!
Find us & like us on FACEBOOK
Team Hair by Gregory’s
Family & friends of Hair by Gregory's in Auburn recently raised money & participated in a walk-a-thon in support of The March of Dimes, March for the Babies, a branch of March of Dimes. This picture is from their walk on May 1st.
Lake City Exports donates $1,500 to Auburn Pre-School Ready kids, Thank you, all together now... Lake City Exports! 1, 2, 3:
Students of Auburn Pre-School pose with a $1,500 check their school received from Lake City Exports in Auburn. The donation will help the school buy much needed supplies & learning tools for the students.
Laws of Life: The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to its need to be clean. (Law of Campbell's Scoop)
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Real Skill There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine." The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?" The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money."
www.abcpool.com
Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free youʼll enjoy it even more. We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price thatʼs right for any budget.
After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please." Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?" The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none."
Heather’s Gardens
YOU GROW IT, WE MOW IT!
Specializing in flower garden design and maintenance
Best prices in L/A!! Lawn mowing & trimming
Greenside Up Lawn Care Heather Martin
576-6814
Degree in Horticulture
HeathersGardens@hotmail.com
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713-3566
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.
UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP!
HACIENDA HACIENDA EL PATRON PATRON EL Authentic Mexican Cuisines
MEXICAN BAR BAR & & GRILL GRILL MEXICAN SPECIALS
Happy Hour 4-7pm Sun.-Thurs. 2 for 1 Bottled Beer
DAILY SPECIALS
Everyday Special Grande Margarita $6.00 Live Entertainment every Thursday
Weekday Lunch Specials #1-11
Monday. . 40¢ Wings $5.50 Tues.. . . Margarita Pitcher $13 includes soft drink Shot of house Tequila $2.75 99¢ Tacos - beef or shredded chicken Wed. . . . 1 Chimichanga w/rice & beans $6 Thurs. . . 40¢ Wings, 25oz. Big Guy Draft Beer $3.50 Sat. . . . . House shot of Tequila $2.75 Sun. . . . Any combo plate #1-30 just $5
838 Lisbon St. Lewiston 689-3196
Note: specials cannot be combined w/other offers, discounts or coupons
Religious Customs A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments. The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?" "Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz. "Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... " "That," said the old man, "is our custom."
www.haciendadelpatronme.com
"An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason." – C. S. Lewis
Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching. – Thomas Jefferson
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College Applicant Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as the admitted class.
Eight positions are mentioned in Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" routine. Only right field was left out.
Maine Shrine
Lobster Bowl
"Why doesn't she try anther school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested. "Another school!" exclaimed the Mother. "Have you seen her grades?"
Going Up The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
6th Annual
Golf Classic SATURDAY, JULY 16TH Turner Highlands Country Club, Turner, Maine
Tee Time: 9:00AM • Registration 8:00AM Cost: $300/foursome or $75 per person *Entries will receive pre-tournament gifts, buffet dinner and chances at assorted prizes throughout the day, along with a hole-in-one chance to win a new car!
Net proceeds benefit Shriners Hospitals for Children Visit: www.korashriners.org (Tab: Events; Lobster Bowl; Golf) FMI: Call Tim Luttrell @ 225-3000 or email: timl@murrayoil.com Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.
Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty," but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott."
Auburn Marine & Small Engine
Blackie’s Farm
Your local full service repair facility
Fresh Produce
Fully stocked showroom!
Open Year Round
Water toys, tubes, skis, wakeboards, kneeboards, ropes, etc.
908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm
65 North River Rd, Auburn Open 7 days a week Hours: M-S 8-7; S 9-4
996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020
784-3888
Jim Niemi and his company, Pool Builders of Maine, installed my pool. They’re the only guys I trust to do a great job!
Marine parts by Sierra, Quicksilver & Mallory Small engines & equipment by Tanaka, MTD, Troybuilt, Kohler, Generac Parts for all makes & models
NO INITIAL CHARGES Cancel your annual service today and call...
Maine Seasonal Pest Control
July is swarm season!
Andrew Ferguson Master Applicator
(207) 346-1678 MESeasonalPest@aol.com
Lic # CMA44691/7A7B7E
FOUR SEASON SERVICE
Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Tina Croteau, owner of Marcel’s Hair (see page 13) & Jim Niemi, owner of Pool Builders of Maine (see page 75)
Glen A. Gisel
7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond
DOLMAR
shindaiwa
655-4635
www.downeastsharpening.com
Building or Remodeling?? Check out our Showroom!! WE STOCK: Monitors • Rinnai • Radiant (Heating Supplies) Baseboard • 1 & 2 pc Tub & Showers Vanity Tops & Bases • Kitchen & Bath Faucets Toilets • Repair Parts (Plumbing & Heating) 1525 Lisbon St., Lewiston
783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 www.myselco.com PLUMBING & HEATING SUPPLIES
M-F 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4
In 1962, the Mashed Potato, the Loco-Motion, the Frug, the Monkey, and the Funky Chicken were popular dances.
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Understanding Bob Weber, past president of Kiwanis International, told this story. He had spoken to a club in a small town and was spending the night with a farmer on the outskirts of the community. He had just relaxed on the front porch when a newsboy delivered the evening paper. The boy noted the sign Puppies for Sale. The boy got off his bike and said to the farmer, "How much do you want for the pups, mister?" "Twenty-five dollars, son." The boy's face dropped. "Well, sir, could I at least see them anyway?"
In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.
Get it GONE NOW!! • Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… • We bust our butts so you don’t have to! JULY is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!
Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed
Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!
Farrell Enterprises Over 65? Ask about senior discounts.
Fully Insured Call for FREE Quote!
782-5300 or 576-2501
The only truly consistent people are dead.
The farmer whistled, and in a moment the mother dog came bounding around the corner of the house tagged by four of the cute puppies, wagging their tails and yipping happily. At last, another pup came straggling around the house, dragging one hind leg. "What's the matter with that puppy, mister?" the boy asked. "Well, Son, that puppy is crippled. We took her to the vet and the doctor took an X ray. The pup doesn't have a hip joint and that leg will never be right." (continued on next page)
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If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes
• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems
CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)
MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899
PAVING
• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating
Call for FRimEatEes Est
784-5899
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413
The jester struggles to free himself... but he is up to his knees in muck. With each nervous joke he sinks deeper and deeper, "Oh my god, I'm in quip sand!"
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To the amazement of both men, the boy dropped the bike, reached for his collection bag and took out a fifty-cent piece. "Please, mister," the boy pleaded, "I want to buy that pup. I'll pay you fifty cents every week until the twentyfive dollars is paid. Honest I will, mister." The farmer replied, "But, Son, you don't seem to understand. That pup will never, never be able to run or jump. That pup is going to be a cripple forever. Why in the world would you want such a useless pup as that?" The boy paused for a moment, then reached down and pulled up his pant leg, exposing that all too familiar iron brace and leather knee-strap holding a poor twisted leg. The boy answered, "Mister, that pup is going to need someone who understands him to help him in life!" The first seeing eye dog, Buddy, was given to his owner, Morris Frank, in 1928. Buddy helped Mr. Frank fight for the rights of people with special challenges, including the right to bring service animals into restaurants, onto airplanes, and other places where pets are not typically allowed. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
JULY 2011
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OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE
Kids and Their Clichés: We have nothing to fear but our principal.
BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION
783-7299 or 576-4330 Happy Birthday America! Come on Digesters, do me a favor and celebrate all month long. It’s not every day the whole country has a birthday. No people, I am not being facetious, it really is not every day, though we are all privileged enough to enjoy all of our America liberties and freedoms every day. So celebrate and thank everyone you know who has served or currently serves in our countries armed forces, protecting our rights while dorks like me get to write cheesy articles in the best publication ever, to amazing folks like yourselves! Not that you need it, but I’ll give you yet another reason to go completely bonkers. The Boston Bruins are Stanley Cup Champions! The Bruins added a sixth championship to their already illustrious existence. If you don’t like the Bruins and are not so pleased with the cup finals, I know just the place you can get some cheese for that whine of yours. Benoit’s Bakery and Wine Cellar has an unbeatable selection of cheeses, which is just a fraction of the delicious goodies they have. So head out to Lisbon Road and get a snack you will love, and while you’re there grab some fresh baked breads and a bottle or two of wine from their wine cellar which has over 500 labels. If you find yourself in the opposite part of town you could stop by Roy’s All Steak Hamburgers & Golf Center on outer Center St. to shank a bucket of balls before you sink your teeth into the
24´ X 40´ RANCH ROOF $
3995 COMPLETE JOB
➭ Remove and haul away all roofing debris ➭ Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield ➭ Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area ➭ Install a 30-year Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof ➭ Installation of ridge vent to entire ridge
WE DON’T USE SUBCONTRACTORS
ALL LABOR AND MATERIALS INCLUDED! Email: roofnfools@yahoo.com web site: www.LessardRoofing.com
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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JULY 2011
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Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant: How come all the big shots are leaving?
Laws of Life: Arriving for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else else arrived before you. (Law of De Lay)
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mouthwatering one-of-akind Roy’s cheeseburgers with the caramelized onions and the softest buns ever. Stop buy on a Tuesday for Cruise night, or if you are more of a two-wheeled Maineiac, check ‘em out on Thursday nights for Bike Night, leave your training wheels at home and go easy on the rum raisin Gifford’s ice cream if you know what I mean. No one likes indigestion on the ride home. Well, Uncle Andy’s Digesters, my time for the month is up and if you have come to the end of this month’s digest, don’t wait till next month, start from the front again: there is always side-splitting stuff hiding on every page that you surely missed the first time around.
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision." The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self." My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. 800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about writing a will. He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite!"
Laws of Life: Do not take life too serious, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Law of Absolute Certainly)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
JULY 2011
783-7039 95
Tootsie Tanning
• Eliminate sock & sandal lines! • Tan bottom of legs & top of feet! • Relax in a massage chair & tan those toes!
Sauna • Massage Tanning Fitness Facility Cardio Classes
New Summer ZUMBA Program 8 week session: $50 Up to 3 classes per week Tues./Thurs. 6:30pm, Sat. 11am
Become a fan on
Facebook For Those Who Like it HOT!
Hot Stuff
Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn
784-8900 Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
96
& Jimbo
JULY 2011
783-7039
A magician was driving down the road, then he turned into a drive way.
867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033 2004 Chevy Trailblazer LS 4X4, Auto, 85K
Gift Card
$1500 with purchase of this vehicle only must mention this ad
$9,990
Browse our DEALER INVENTORY 04 Audi A4 Quattro, 3.0L V6, Auto, AWD, Loaded, Gray . . . . . . .$9,990 04 Audi A6 2.7T S-Line, 6 Cyl,, 4 Dr., Blue, Air/Cruise/PWDL . . .$11,490 03 Audi A6 4.2L, Auto, V8, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 09 Chevy HHR LS, Auto, Cardinal Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 08 Chevy HHR, Auto, 4 cyl., 82k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 BMW 328xi, 4 Dr., Black, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$17,990 07 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Auto, Tow, 4X4,4 Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 06 Chevy Trailblazer EXT LS, 4x4, Tow Pkg., Running Boards . . . .$11,490 05 Chevy Malibu, Auto, V6, 85k, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 05 Chevy Silverado 2500 HD LS, V8, Tow Pkg., Xcab, Auto, 98k . . .$15990 05 Chevy Tahoe Z71, Auto, 92k, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$16,490 05 Chevy Suburban 1500 LS, 96k, 9-Seat, Roof Rack . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Red, 94k, 4x4, Power Options . . . . . . .$10,990 05 Chevy Equinox LT, 68k, 4DR, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 03 Chevy Suburban 1500LS, 9 Seats, 4 Dr., Charcoal . . . . . . . .$10,490 04 Chrysler Sebring, Auto, V6, 61k, Green . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 08 Dodge Avenger SXT, 68k, Brilliant Black, 4Dr, CD, Loaded . .$12,990 07 Dodge Caravan SXT, V6, Auto, Dual Sliders, CD, Blue . . . . . .$10,990 07 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, Quad Cab, Tow Pkg., 86k . . . . . . . . .$17,990 06 Dodge Durango, Auto, 86k, 4Dr, Black, Loaded . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Dodge Grand Caravan, V6, Auto, 93k, Red, Loaded, DVD . . .$10,990 05 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, V8, 4x4, Silver, Loaded, Xcab . . . . . .$12,990 05 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, V8, 86k, Xcab, Red, Bed Liner . . . . .$14,990 05 Dodge Dakota SLT Quad Cab, Gray, 4x4, 84k, CD Changer . . . .$13,990 05 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, V8, 4x4, Silver, Tow Pkg., CD . . . . . .$12,990 04 Dodge Dakota SLT, Quad cab, 4x4, 8 Cyl., Auto, Silver . . . . . .$8,990 07 Ford Escape XLT, V6, Auto, 4x4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 06 Ford F150 XLT, V8, 4x4, Auto, White, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Ford F350 4x4, 4Dr, Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 04 Ford Explorer XL, V6, 4x4, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 06 GMC Envoy Denali, Auto, 4x4, Loaded, Black . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,990 06 Honda Element, Auto, Blue, 4Dr, Power Options . . . . . . . . .$10,990 05 Honda Civic EX, Auto, VTEC, 4 cyl., 2Dr, 94k, Black .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Honda Accord EX, V6, Auto, 4Dr, Loaded, Roof, VTEC, Gray .$10,490 05 Infinity G35x, V6, Auto, Red, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 08 Jeep Compass Sport, V6, Auto, 66k, CD, Silver, Loaded . . . .$10,990
07 Jeep Liberty Sport, V6, Auto, 4x4, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 Jeep Liberty Sport, V6, Auto, 89k, 4x4, Black, Loaded . . . .$11,990 06 Jeep Commander, V8, Auto, Black, 68k . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Jeep Commander, 6 Cyl., Auto., 3rd Row, Parking Sensor . . .$12,490 06 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, 6 Cyl., Auto., Red, 4X4 . . . . . .$12,490 05 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, V8, Auto, 4x4, Loaded, 96k .$12,990 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Freedom Edition, V6, Auto, 4x4, Loaded, . .$8,990 04 Jeep Wrangler Sahara, V6, Hardtop, 5-Speed, 4x4, 2 Dr, Tan . . .$12,990 06 KIA Sportage EX, 85k, Running Boards, 4x4, Auto . . . . . . .$11,990 06 Pontiac Montana,V6, Auto, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 Saab 93, 5-Speed, 68k, White, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Saab 93 Aero, Convertible, Auto, 90k, Silver, Loaded . . . . . .$11,990 04 Saab 95 Arc, Auto, 95k, Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 03 Saab 95 Aero, Auto, Loaded, Black, Leather . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 Saturn Ion, 95k, Auto, 4 cyl., Loaded, White . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 07 Saturn Ion 2, 5-Speed, CD, Loaded, 77k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 06 Saturn Ion 3, 35MPG, 5-Speed, Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 07 Scion TC, 89k, Auto, Roof, Premium Wheels . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 05 Subaru Forester XT, Auto, 4 cyl., Silver Loaded, Leather . . .$10,990 05 Toyota Camry LE, 98k, Auto, 4 cyl., Loaded . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Toyota 4Runner SR5, V6, Roof, Auto, Loaded, 4x4 . . . . . . . .$13,990 07 Volvo S60, AWD, Auto, 5Cyl., Grey, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 06 Volvo S40 T5, 5 cyl.Turbo, AWD, Auto, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . .$12,490 05 Volvo S40, Auto, Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 05 Volvo V50 T5, 5-Speed, Silver, Loaded, Leather, Roof Rack . .$9,990 08 VW Jetta SEL, 5 cyl., Auto, 62k, White, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$14,990 08 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edition, 79k, Auto, CD, Moonroof . . . . . .$14,990 07 VW Rabbit PZEV, 43K, 5 Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 06 VW Jetta, Auto, 77k, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 VW Passat, 82k, Auto, 4 cyl., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 05 VW Passat, Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 05 VW Passat GLS 1.8T Wagon, 91k, Auto, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 VW Jetta GLS PZEV, 5-Speed, 96k, Power Options . . . . . . . . .$8,990 04 VW Passat, Silver, Auto, 71k, Power Options . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 02 VW Passat, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,685 01 VW Jetta, 4cyl., 5-Speed, Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,000
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? el-if-i-no