Uncle Andy's Digest 6.11

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

The Most Unusual Digest in America

FREE JUNE 2011

PARKING LOT LIGHTING REPAIR & UPGRADES • Lighting Repairs • Energy Efficient LED & HID Upgrades • New Installation • Ask about Efficiency Maine Incentives ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com Armandsab@aol.com

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

Take the first step to owning your own home FIRST TIME HOMEBUYER SPECIALIST

H Low Fixed Rates H FHA, VA, Rural Development & MSHA Loan Programs H Experienced & Local Mortgage Professionals We also offer H Close Fast & On Schedule refinancing H Over the Phone Approvals

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 www.rmsmortgage.com •dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions.

Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Morning Sickness

Seen on a sign a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong, Molly?" she asked.

Molly told her that she had morning sickness.

Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied.

"I'm just sick of mornings."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Summer Camps in July Check out our all new website!

www.pelletierskarate.com

June 22 Don St. Germain turns 73 this month!

Wish the young fella a happy birthday!!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Call for info

June 15th

FREE Intro to Karate for Kids

FREE Fitness Kickboxing Clinic

Call to register

7:30-8:30pm • Call to register

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com

786-3731

Stay tuned. I could say something brilliant at any moment. – Uncle Andy

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.

JUNE 2011 Saturday, June 4 Crepe/Buffet Breakfast (Chapter 10589) Franco Center, Cedar St. Lewiston 7:00am – 10:00am $4/Member $5/Guest Saturday, June 4 Bean Supper (Chapter 12907) Franco Center, Cedar St, Lewiston 4:30pm – 6pm $5/Member $6/Guest Wednesday, June 8 99 Restaurant (Chapter 8609) 650 Center St, Auburn 4pm – 7pm $8/Member $9/Guest Saturday, June 11 Dairy Frost (Chapter 7938) 107 Bath Road, Brunswick 4pm – 6pm Members Free $1/Guest Sunday, June 12 Kiwanis Pancake Breakfast Festival Plaza Downtown Auburn 7:00am – 11:00am $3/Member $4/Guest Tuesday, June 14 Taber’s (Chapter 12749) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn 4pm – 7pm $4.50 Member $5/Guest Wednesday, June 22 Rolly’s Diner BREAKFAST (Chapter 14346) Mill St, Auburn 7:00am – 10:00am $4/Member $4.50/Guest Tuesday, June 28 Norway Soft Serve (Chapter 10929) Main St, So. Paris 5:30pm – 7:00pm $1/per person Tuesday, June 28 Danny’s on the Mall (Chapter 7938) Main St, Brunswick 4pm –6pm $1/Member $2/Guest Wednesday, June 29 Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers (Chapter 14437) Center St. Auburn 4pm – 7pm $4.50 per Member $5.50 per Guest

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Some people bond. You and I are crazy-glued!

Park Tickets for: Aquaboggan, Combo Fun/Splash, Funtown, Splashtown, WaterCountry, York Animal Kingdom TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holiday’s).

FMI call 782-1833.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

Commit random acts of kindness.

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

JUNE 2011

Staff UNCLE ANDY

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

Freddy Lynn

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

JIMBO

514-0660

Carl Yastrzemski

TRAVIS DOW

www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Joe & Mike Adkins

Roger Clemens Black holes suck.

MAGGIE JOYCE Ricco Petrocelli

MARTY DOW Sandy Koufax

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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& Jimbo

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ON-SITE DRUG TESTING D.O.T. Drug Screening

$

15 $ 20

Alcohol Screening

Local* After Hours & Weekends*

$

30

Includes confirmation if necessary

Available 24-7, 365 days a year

*Call for out-of-area pricing

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.

Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office. *All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator 577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com My mother was a travel agent for guilt trips.

I saw Elvis making crop circles.

SIDNK Submitted by Jimbo

During the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups and then get in line to answer questions about the academy. If they answer correctly, they are allowed to proceed inside. If not, they are sent to the back of the line.

One doolie had been sent back a number of times because he didn't reel off the answers.

When the poor cadet came up again, a sympathetic upperclassman asked him, "What does the abbreviation S. I. D. N. K. stand for?"

The doolie bowed his head and replied, "Sir, I do not know."

"Right!" the upperclassman said. "Go on in there and get some chow!"

One of the Renaissance's greatest artists and thinkers, Leonardo da Vinci was born on April 15, 1452 in Florence, Italy. Besides painting the "Mona Lisa" and "The Last Supper," da Vinci also designed the first parachute.

Just say NO to one-word solutions.

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

Therapy is expensive. Poppin' bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Come to Pedro’s, we’d be happy to serve you!

SUMMER DAY CAMPS JUNE 20TH - AUGUST 19TH CAMP CONNOR Grades 1-8 • FREE Transportation • FREE Lunch • FREE Pre & Post Camp Care at the Y

Y KIDS SUMMER CAMP Ages 5-8 Based at the Y • Daily Swim, Outdoor Play & Weekly Field Trips • Hours: 6:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

• FREE Lunch

Help send a child to camp!

Give to the Y’s Annual Campaign Donate at www.alymca.org

ARC LIFEGUARD CERTIFICATION COURSE June 16th-19th WATERFRONT COURSE 8:00 - 5:00 p.m. each day Cost: $195 members/$235 non-members

TRIPLE CROWN 5K SERIES • Y FIT FEST SAT. JUNE 11TH • EMILY’S RUN SUN. JULY 24TH • L/A BRIDGE RUN SUN. AUG. 28TH See ad on page 86 for more details

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)

Pedro’s has a fantastic atmosphere!

207 795 4095 • www.alymca.org

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty." – Mark Twain

& Jimbo

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

What is a zebra? 25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

2011

SHARE OUR PASSION

RIDE INTO SPRING

SALES EVENT See store for details

AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc

84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

BROS

6/30/11

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

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Life is nothing like the brochure.

The Graduate

Large Salad Subs (ham, chicken, tuna) $

4.59

10˝ 1-Topping Pizza $5.45 Roadies 1-Breast Chicken Dinner $3.99

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Toi Lindsay Toi graduated Summa Cum Laude from Husson College with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Accounting. All while raising two young children and working full time at Northeast Bank. Traveling many nights to classes with her mom and dad babysitting her children.

Great job, Toi! Congratulations!!

Pricing Programs & System Guard Plans Now Available... call for details!

“Delivering Comfort you Can Count On”

Send The Husband Shopping A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why on earth did you buy six cartons of milk?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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IRS: Be audit you can be.

He replied, "They had eggs."

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

BARBEQUE & CATERING SERVICE Weddings, Birthdays, Corporate Functions & More Let Moose’s Mobile Kitchen make your event complete!

Parties from 1 - 200 We modify our abilities to meet your needs!

Call us and we can create a menu just for you!

795-6778 or 577-5523 • www.moosesmobilekitchen.com Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them.

A tired dog is a happy hound!

Your dog will...

Interact, run and play with other dogs Receive hands on loving care & supervision Be more calm & well behaved at home due to less pent up energy

M-F 7am-6:30pm Weekends by appointment only

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

Lisa Poulin & Bruce Bilodeau

Lack of money is the root of all Evil.

Fishing Terminology HOOK - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish.

(2) A clever advertisement used to lure a fisherman to spend his life's savings on fishing supplies.

(3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after she learns what he spent their life's savings on.

(Usually accompanied by word "right" or "left.")

In 1789, the first inaugural ball was held for President George Washington in New York City. Trivia buffs: It was not until 1809, however, after the Inauguration of James Madison at the Capitol in Washington, D.C., that the tradition of the inaugural ball began.

That night, First Lady Dolly Madison hosted the gala at Long's Hotel. Four hundred tickets sold for $4 each.

Fishing Terminology LURE - An object that dangles from the end of your fishing line and is supposed to encourage fish to bite it. It is the fisherman's equivalent of sports cards, comic books, buttons, lint, and other things you collect that generally have no purpose.

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo I don’t mind if the world knows my name! I’m Beth St. Pierre!!

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO. Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619

Call us if you are broken down.

We now offer Roadside Assistance, such as tire changes and lockouts. We carry 60 new NAPA batteries, air compressor, and tools to fix small problems.

E CL CY RE

RE DU CE

RE-USE

Don’s DBA...

One coupon per customer

TOGETHER LET’S THINK GREEN AND RECYCLE!

15

% OFF

In-stock auto & truck parts

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo Hola Amigas & Amigos!

9 Third Street, Auburn

376-4822

Jennifer Kritzer Owner / Stylist

Military, Police & Fire Discounts

Men’s Clipper Cut L

SPECIA

$

10

Hours: Monday 10-7; Tuesday 9-5; Thursday 10-7; Friday 9-5; Saturday 9-3 • Closed Wednesday & Sunday

Women’s Wash & Cut

$

L

SPECIA

20

Julie Dionne Stylist

Children’s Wash, Cut & Style L

SPECIA

$

12

Don’t forget the lassies & lads, too!

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1 Ear of Corn 1-1/8th lb. Lobster 2 Red Potatoes 1 lb. Clams Side of butter

All cooked!

$

15

(Please call one hour before pickup)

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the dads out there!

Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

Join the fiesta everyday at Pedro O’Hara’s.

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

United New Auburn Association Meeting

Fathers (& Mothers!) Day

Steak Dinner Special Saturday, June 18th

OUTDOOR EVENT Last Tuesday of June (June 28th) New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

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Shipwrecked Submitted by Jimbo

One day a man decided to retire... He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

This is our first time here.

Rolly’s came highly recommended by friends & relatives!

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

“Peanut” & Judy Ellis

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

NEXT DA Y DELIVER Y IN L/A!

"Amazing," he notes.

"You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches.

I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no (continued on next page)

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& Jimbo

JUNE 2011 783-7039

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care

Packaging

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com When I was a child I was told anyone could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

(continued from previous page)

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

Brand New Line of Promotional Products Mugs • Calendars • Pens • Wine Glasses • Beer Mugs, Etc.

Ask for our new catalog. Best prices anywhere!

Screenprinting and Embroidery 85 Third St., Auburn • 753-1177 • www.varsitylettering.com

HOME COOKED FOOD EVERY DAY Andy’s still has the best-tasting cheese burger around!

Tyler Raymond 18th Birthday June 30th!

Large Baked Bean Special

✄

Pool • Darts Large Screen TV

$1.00 Beans, Coleslaw, Bread ✄ OFF Expires 6.30.11

ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern Every Saturday

47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044

“Love at first bite!”

HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pm Thurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close

WOW!

Andy’s Baked Bean Specials…

Don’t Miss Out!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an cabin and treehouse.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. (continued on page 15)

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How can I be overdrawn? I still have checks left.

Quality Service at an Affordable Price

A/C RECHARGE

$

ALIGNMENT CHECK

129.95

By Appointment Only

(Reg. $169.95)

With Coupon Only Expires 6-30-11

Most Vehicles - With Coupon Only Expires 6-30-11

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net

Out & About at Bruno's 49th Birthday & Rites of Spring Party at Irish Twins

Government policy: If it ain't broke, we'll fix it until it is.

TWO GREAT RIDES!

The Birthday Boy!

2003 Chevy Impala

2007 Toyota Tacoma Double Cab, 4WD, V6, SR5.

SUPER SHARP!

66K

$7,800 My friends are the bestest!

Bruno Smith Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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$17,600

Derek Albert

Jim’s

Over 60 vehicles to choose from starting at $3,800 online at:

AUTO SALES 1097 Center St., Auburn • 784-5438 1-800-289-5467 Ask for Dave

www.JimsAutoSales.com

A fool and his money are soon partying.

(continued from page 13)

I was happier than a kitten with a Q-tip.

Summer is here!

It’s time to start thinking about a complete A/C performance check!

June Special 2-Wheel Alignment $65.95 4-Wheel Alignment $72.95

Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

Who’s ready for some sun?

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

I was more nervous than a ceiling fan storeowner with a comb-over.

After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone.

Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely.

There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a golf course?"

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Out ’n About in Bonaire

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.

Photos submitted by Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise

Bryan & Francine Fletcher

Claire Barclay & Lorraine Poirier

Dennis Poirier & Chris Barclay Lenin wasnʼt Leninʼs real name. It was one of 151 pseudonyms Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov used during his lifetime.

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Success covers a multitude of blunders.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on "escape."

Opening Soon Register for our E-News for updates on events & specials online at www.benoitsbakery.com

y r e k a B

Out ’n About in Bonaire Photos submitted by Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise

We’re thinking outside the box when we say we need to vacation more!

Joe & Linda Bolduc

&

r a l l e C Wine

❦ Huge Wine Selection ❦ Freshly Baked Breads ❦ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❦ Fresh Home Made Fudge ❦ Large Cheese Selection ❦ Wine Tasting Events

Sometimes thinking inside the box is pretty good, too.

Sarah Poirier Why do people always refer to boxes when it comes to thinking?

Farm Stand Now Open Fresh Produce • Jams • Jellies Maple Syrup • Ciders ...and more 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine

www.benoitsbakery.com If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

Marc Robichaud Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

Hey, I saw a picture of you shaking Bob Hope’s hand.

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE Forget Bob Hope, this picture with you is the one people will be talking about for years to come...

WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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You have the capacity to learn a lot from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

It's been one of those days--all week.

Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.

EVERY SDAY TUE 5:30pm – 8:00pm

Digging

5:30pm – 8:00pm

One of the women says, "We don't seem to be having much luck here, are we?"

The other replies, "Just keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Got a hot ride? Show it off at Roy’s!

T-Shirts • 50/50 Raffle • Prizes • Give-Aways Featuring

&GOLF CENTER Rt. 4, just past Lake Auburn

18-hole Mini Golf Driving Range

In 1985, Coca-Cola announced it was changing the secret formula for Coke and creating a New Coke.

The American public's reaction to the change was poor, and CocaCola executives announced the return of the original formula on July 10, less than three months after New Coke's introduction.

In 1884, Thomas Stevens started a bicycle trip around the world. The trip took him over two years and nine months to complete!

www.roysgolf.com

It was Friedrich Froebel who began the first kindergarten in 1837 in Blankenburg, Germany. The first kindergarten in a public school in the U.S. was started in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1873.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

THE BEST HAMBURGERS AROUND! MADE WITH FRESH GRADE-A STEAK, CUT & GROUND DAILY

Batting Cages

&T Jimbo

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According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

FULL SERVICE HARLEY MOTORCYCLE SHOP

CALL FOR Tire Appointments, Oil Change, Stage 1 Kits, Brakes & More 140 Riverside Drive Auburn, Maine 04210

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

207-782-9400 V-ROD & ROAD RODS State of Maine Inspection Station

Regal 233xl for sale...

New carpets, mooring cover, full head, refrigerator, aft cabin, cd player, dock lines, fenders, 20amp service with 50 foot cable, runs great and is fully winterized.

$10,000 obo call 376-5003

Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00

FOR SALE

for the whole family

Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

Custom Machine Embroidery 1 S. Main St., Suite 2, Mechanic Falls (next to Sheila’s Hair Salon) 345-9161 • dustisdesigns@roadrunner.com

WOW! $ 19.95 Walk-ins welcome

& Jimbo

783-7039

and phone # embroidered.

$

Never worry again!

1 OFF Any Cut Men’s, Women’s & Children’s (Reg. $10)

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net theshop@roadrunner.com

JUNE 2011

Keep your dog safe!

Custom-made collars with name

with coupon • expires 6/30/11

That Little Barber Shop

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100

20

DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.

(207) 782-5030

THE SHOP AUTO SERVICE AND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

www.v-shop.us

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

Fully restored 1972 Toyota FJ Land Cruiser CALL FOR PRICE

Mike Smith, owner

email: info@v-shop.us

✂

SAM’S BODY SHOP

BUILT & SERVICED

✂

BOAT FOR SALE

We work on Shovelheads, Sportsters & older bikes

9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.) Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

312-5478 Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

The buck doesn't even slow down here.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

JUNE SPECIAL

OUR TIRES

Buy 4 New Tires Receive Front End Alignment

FREE $55 Value

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats.

You have to be careful nowadays!

MARK of EXCELLENCE AWARD WINNER

EMERSON CHEVROLET BUICK 946 Center Street • Auburn • 784-3503

RICH TREMBLAY

“Thank you for 32 years in the car business. I am now back at Emerson where I started. Stop in and say “hi” and let me help you save some money and find a nice ride!”

Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039 21

Out ’n About in Bonaire

Is there life before coffee?

Photos submitted by Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise

Cindy MacDonald & Wendy Gallant Scuba Sistaʼs

Highly educated scuba divers DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT PROPER TRAINING!

If we’ve told you one, we’ve told you a million times Uncle Andy’s is read everywhere!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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783-7039

Can I trade this job for what's behind Door #2?

The trouble with work is...it's so daily.

ed “The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!” t c e Sel With 100% Customer Satisfaction!!

3 Master ASE Technicians QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Bob, Steve & John

Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420

Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com

If you roll your window down and crank your tunes and it doesn’t sound good...

CALL ME!

NOW LOCATED AT:

216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339

Next to Republic Jewelry & parking in back of building www.soundeffectsmaine.com

Scott Feldman

Appointments Required, Please call first Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…

NO PROBLEM!

$

55/hr. LABOR RATE

Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Fully Warranteed & Certified

You can't fire me. Slaves have to be sold.

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet.

He said "postage dew".

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures in Lewiston When people come to us they usually need something fixed...

Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.

The Back Forty

Joe Adkins Licensed Denturist

They always leave with a smile, sort of like this set of dentures here...

David McConnell started the California Perfume Company (CPC) in 1886. Today the company is known as Avon, which he named after his favorite playwright William Shakespeare, and Stratford on Avon.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of their way.

y June Specials

Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures in Lewiston Making dentures is an art form within itself...

I heard Uncle Andy’s was coming today, so I dressed up just for the occasion!

Jack Downey

990 Center Street, Auburn • 784-1348

Baseball umpires want salary hikes.

The response from the owners is, "Yikes!

Can't afford increased pay."

So the union does say, "Then our recourse is calling more strikes."

– Kirk Miller

Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

2002 Chevy Tahoe

2003 Mini Cooper

Our customer Reward Cards are here.

We know how loyal our customers are and we want to show our appreciation. Now when you come into Heidiʼs Brooklyn Deli in Auburn, just swipe your Reward Card and earn dollars off your future purchases!

Reward cards can also be used as a payment or gift card. Just load money onto your card. You can pay for your purchase and earn rewards all in one transaction. Now thatʼs convenient!

Heidiʼs is located at 600 Turner Street in Auburn. Call us at 7843434. Check us out online at www.heidisauburn.com Come check out our patio - a great place to enjoy lunch! See our ad on page 36.

"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.

There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right."

– Ralph Waldo Emerson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JUNE 2011

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$

$

9,000

8,495

5.3L, Spare Stock Tires, 26” Rims, TV’s

Green, manual, one-owner

2001 BMW

2005 Subaru Forester 2.5XT

$

10,495

3-Series, Black, Loaded

$

9,995 AWD, Auto, 1-Owner

Other Inventory 05 Pontiac Grand Prix, 89k, Silver..................................$8495 05 Nissan Sentra, Auto, CD...............................................$5795 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L 4x4 ................................$7495 04 Hyundai Elantra GLS, 84k, Auto ................................$5495 03 Audi A4, Turbo, Black...................................................$6495 03 VW Beetle GLS, Blue, 91k, 5-Sp, 2-tone Lthr, 17" Alloys ......$6495 03 VW Passat, Green..........................................................$7775 03 Mercedes S500, Loaded, 82k..................................$18,000 03 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 88K, Loaded .........................$6,995 03 Dodge Neon, 86k .........................................................$4995 03 Infinity QX4, Auto, 4WD, V6.......................................$8495 03 Volvo S60, AWD, Tan ...................................................$6995 02 Jeep Liberty, 3.7L, Black ..............................................$5495 02 Nissan Xterra, Green....................................................$7895 02 Saab 9-5 Aero, Silver, Black Leather, Auto .............$5995 02 Ford F250, 73k, Auto, 4x4, ......................................$12995 02 VW GTI, Silver ...............................................................$5995 02 VW Passat, 99K, Grey..................................................$7000 01 VW GTI, Green...............................................................$6495 01 Audi A4 1.8T, Silver ......................................................$5495

01 Audi A4 2.8L, Manual, AWD.......................................$6495 01 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4x4, Blue................................$5995 00 VW Passat, Turbo, Black..............................................$5495 00 Cadillac Escalade, Pewter, Loaded, 102k .................$5995 99 Saab 9-3, 108k, White, Convertible..........................$4995 89 Chevy Corvette, 52k, Black.......................................$10500 05 Pontiac Montana, Minivan, Extended, Loaded, 86k ......$7495 04 Pontiac Vibe GT, 6-Speed, Alloys, Loaded................$7495 03 Honda Element EX, Loaded, AW, Manual.................$8775 98-01 Audi Parts..............................................................Call FMI 94 Dodge Intrepid AS IS....................................................$2000 83 Mercedes 380SL Roadster, 2Door, 114k, V8, Auto .$10,495

INDEPENDENTAuto

1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston www.independentauto.me

Tim Bellmore

786-7744

There's nothing like a little experience to upset a theory.

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures in Lewiston With planning, denture corrections can often be done in just one day.

Unlike Jack on page 25, I had no idea I was going to be part of an “Out ’n About”!

Available at:

Bea Levasseur

www.maine-lyaction.com

"Apply yourself both now and in the next life. Without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, you cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation."

– Plato

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Out & About with the Healthy Androscoggin Work Healthy Award Winners

I live so far in the country my zip is EIEIO.

Central Maine Orthopedics receives their plaque from State Senator Margaret Craven

Erin Guay, HA & Joy Harvey, representing Androscoggin Bank

The Healthy Androscoggin Staff

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website Hillary Eaton of Austin Associates & Jill Brayman of CMMC; HA Work Healthy Panelists at the Chamber.

Each discussed different steps they have taken to encourage a healthier workplace & staff.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 PB4WEGO.

Uncle Andy always gives 100% at work: 12% Mon. 23% Tues. 40% Wed. 20% Thurs. 5% Fri.

$

11,500

$

$

7,995

5,500

2007 Chevy Equinox

2006 Dodge Caravan

1997 Ford F150

90K, AWD, Loaded, Leather

40K, Runs Good

Reg. Cab, 4X4, 114K UP TO 45 MPH

$

10,500

$

$

8,500

900

2003 Ford F250 Superduty

Racing Go Cart

1994 Chevy Rack Body

Reg. Cab, 4X4, V10, 84k

Racetrack Approved, New Motor

2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K

www.MandPautosales.com 2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6-Speed, Diesel . . . .$17,995 1994 Chevy 3500 Rack Body, No Dump, Diesel . . . .$8,500 1998 Chevy 1.2 Ton, 4WD, Short Box, 120K, 7½' Minute Mount Plow, Black. 4 Brand New Studded Tires . . .$4,500

Kelsie-Mae Rioux Graduates June 10th from Brunswick High School with high honors while maintaining 2 jobs as a CNA at Brentwood Rehabilitation and Sunnybrook Village. She is college-bound in the fall and will attend Southern Maine Community College. She will major in behavioral health.

Proud parents are Scott and Lori Rioux

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 Welcome to Wisconsin. Smell our Dairy Air.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures

Jimbo to Uncle Andy: It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.

in Lewiston We do full dentures, rebases, relines & repairs.

Lori Stuart I may not be sitting on the dock of the bay, but I’m standing on my newly installed dock.

Thanks, guys!

I want it all and I want it delivered.

Customer Appreciation Day Tues. July 5th and Thurs. July 7th ONLY! Sheila

John Bonneau

Nicole

PRODUCTS Buy one get 50% Off another EVERYTHING in the Salon!

July 5th & July 7th

Our pleasure!

50%

Angela

Men

Reg. $14 $

& Jimbo

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ALL CUTS

Women

Children

$

Now $5

Reg. $27

Now 7 Now 13

50

We appreciate your business!

SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

OFF Reg. $10 (spray cut only)

Make your appointment now!

345-3819 Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

Aliens have examined my internal organs. – Uncle Andy

There is the Law of Gravity and then, there is the Law of Parenthood

It's not easy being right all the time.

1) A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance he or she is away from the parent.

Saturday, June 25th Fun filled activities for the whole family!

Pottle Hill Road Race

2) Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.

3) The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.

Arts & Craft Vendors The Horribles Parade Antique Car Show Fair Food & Games

4) A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.

Library Book Sale Chicken BBQ Touch-A-Truck One-Pitch Softball And much, much more!

Horribles & Non-Mechanized Vehicles Parade

Saturday @ 11:30 AM Pleasant Street to American Legion

PRIZES AWARDED

Downtown Mechanic Falls For more info: Call 345-2871 or find Mechanic Falls Community Day on Facebook Sarcasm is just one service we offer.

5) The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.

6) A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year unless it is the only food in the fridge.

7) The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures

Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out by itself.

in Lewiston We use quality materials to provide durability and long-lasting wear.

Jeff Blackburn I’m wearing this mask to block Jimbo’s bad breath...

Hire a teenager while they still know it all.

Rates as low as 2.75%* Stop by and apply today!

INSTANT APPROVALS!**

Craig Cook A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"

The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?"

"That's it, I can never remember the word."

*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate. **Most cases.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Vegetarian: Indian word for "lousy hunter."

& Jimbo

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Great Falls Federal Credit Union

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com

Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures

Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

in Lewiston

Tropic al Har mony

All your salt water tank needs right here!

No one told me that Uncle Andy’s was doing an exposé on us...

Get your snacks & ice cold beer here before hitting the area golf courses!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

THINGS ARE HEATING UP AT GEORGIO’S! Home of the U.F.O.

Jen Paré Who has two thumbs up and loves Uncle Andy’s Digest?

This guy!

Signs of Summer Milkshakes are back Pasta Salad Polar Shock Outside Seating

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

Look for this K+L decal at local businesses in L-A Check us out online at:

KandLGreenClean.com

We get you clean and stay green!

"Helping the environment one job at a time" Call us for a free quote to clean your business

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 Meandering to a different drummer.

Lauren & Kristie, owners

Joe Adkins Licensed Denturist

Fishing Terminology TACKLE - What your last catch did to you right after you brought him into the boat and right before he jumped back overboard.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

I plead contemporary insanity.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn 615-7057 NEW LOCATION!

795-8887

Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn in Auburn.

Pedro’s is a great place to enjoy a meal with your kids, too!

Shane Lacasse, Deanna Groves & Peter Michalak

WE PAY YOU! Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile Batteries ...................................................$9* Alloy Rims ...........................................................$16 each* Catalytic Converters ...............................from $8 to $260* Starters/Alternators...........................................$4 each*

Fishing Terminology ROD - An attractivelypainted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Computer Green Board Scraps .........................$1.80/lb.* Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions *Prices subject to change to market conditions

Cancer cures smoking.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Upcoming Events

Fri. June 3rd PORCH PARTY

Fireworks, BBQ, $1 Drafts, rley Band Live Music from the New L-A Ha

Sat. June 4th ANNUAL DYNO-SHOOTOUT Cash Prizes & Trophies

Sat. June 11th RLD DOGS FROM AROUND THE WO s.

Sample unique hot dog creation Live music by The Veggies

Sat. June 18th OW VERTICAL OUTLAWS STUNT SH $1 Drafts & Food Specials

Sat. June 25th BLESSING OF THE BIKES in Coburn, NH

Sat. July 2nd: FAMILY DAY

inting Bounce House, Clowns & Face Pa

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

Allow me to introduce myselves.

LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED June Special

$

1 OFF *full size sandwich

Ask about our new REWARDS CARD!

Cajun Turkey with avocado* includes choice of potato salad, cole slaw or chips & a pickle

Dine on our outdoor patio Beer & Wine available Breakfast served all day!

HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm; Sun. 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn

784-3434 www.heidisauburn.com

10% OFF with this ad

El Broad Street Band with Maria y José

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Porter

AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS Nessie

Could you excuse me?

My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

Boo

Things Not To Say On A Date

Dog gonnit…

We want your business!

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Sat. June 4th

Dead Season CD Release Party All ages, Doors open @ 8pm, Tickets on sale at Bullmoose

Sat. June 18th Fri. June 24th Sat. June 25th Sat. July 2nd

Dogpile - Classic Rock Never Trust & Guests - Hard Rock Hip Hop Show, featuring Sandbag & guests Firewater Creek

Don’t miss the

CD Release Party June 4th for

Dead Season’s “The Negative NUMBers” THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

Action packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm

THE ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL OF CENTRAL MAINE !

DJ & Live Local Entertainment

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

Out ’n About at Smile Again Dentures

That was Zen. This is Tao.

in Lewiston

Bike Night 2011

Watch and learn people...

Every Wednesday Night • Starts at 6:00pm $1.50 Drafts • 1/2 price appetizers Live Entertainment & much more!

Every Wednesday - Come check it out!

Friday, June 25th - BEACH PARTY Party starts at 7pm • RAIN OR SHINE Under the tents Live Music from the Chad Porter Trio DON’T FORGET... Live Entertainment Every Wednesday thru Saturday

Irish Twins Pub Jimbo, I used to kick your butt all over the racquetball court... keep taking pictures and you’ll see a new form of butt kicking!

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Out ’n About at the Village Inn in Auburn Great service!

Great food!

Mike Adkins

Great drinks!!

I love this place!

Licensed Denturist

"For myself, losing is not coming second. It's getting out of the water knowing you could have done better. For myself, I have won every race I've been in."

– Ian Thorpe

Bobbi Birney, Lori Powell (Mom), Amanda Clapsaddle & Eric Donnell If you can read this, thank a teacher.

Any philosophy that can fit into a nutshell belongs there.

PEDRO O’ Hara’s

Irish • Mexican • American

Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week

Sign up for Summer Drum Lessons!

Mention this ad and your first drum lesson is FREE* *with your first month of lessons

134 Main Street, Lewiston

786-6861

783-6200 Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick

25 Mary St., Lewiston

House of Lady Debra Presents...

Our Sock Hop!

Dick Demers

6pm-11pm

Every Saturday at the Lisbon V.F.W. Mouth-watering food, cash bar, door prizes & giveaways

Listen and dance to your favorite hits of the 50s & 60s Live D.J. ~ Music starts at 7pm Stump Dr. Love!!

Lisbon V.F.W. • 52 Lisbon Rd. in Lisbon FMI call 689-3591 or 353-5291 email: houseofladydebra@yahoo.com

In 1999, 70,000 teenagers gathered together in the Silverdome at Pontiac, Michigan, to sign the Acquire the Fire Teenage Bill of Rights.

These rights include: 1. We will live with honor. 2. We will be honest and tell the truth. 3. We will take responsibility for our actions. Share this with a special teenager in your life.

A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Music theory • Brass & Woodwinds We also sell and service all types of instruments Authorized Service Center

We are sponsoring

✭

✭

376-3376 134 Main Street Auburn

Camp of Rock Scholarship*

Apply Today! *Camp is Aug. 8th-19th, directed by Brian Gagnon

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

✭

✭

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Out ’n About on RED DAY at the Root Cellar

Procrastinate now.

Thank you to everyone at Keller Williams Mid Maine Realty who came out to help us on Red Day.

Est. 2008 The only cage-free facility offering 6,000 sq. ft. of comfortable inside play area in addition to 20,000 sq. ft. of outside play area!

Chris Pope The Root Cellar

I've always said there's no I in team... but there is in my last name!

But seriously, find out what Red Day is by reading page 41.

June 25th, 9am - 5pm BBQ at 11am • Drawings & Giveaways for Daycare and Grooming Services!!

• Blue Buffalo • K-9 Advantix • Lupine • Christine’s K-9 Treats • Planet Dog ...and many more!

thedoggzinn@gmail.com www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Greg DeCristofaro KW Team Leader

I've decided today is the day I stop procrastinating. If not today then tomorrow, next week at the very latest.

– Uncle Andy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Out ’n About on RED DAY at the Root Cellar

Be Alert! The world needs more lerts.

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

We believe in putting people first at Keller Williams, whether we're helping out in the community or working with a client, we always put their wishes and needs before our own.

Laurie Danforth KW Realtor

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

sm. $2.50/lg. $5.00

sm. $3.20/lg. $6.00

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $4.50

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians

1 Top $2.60/2 Top $3.30

Hey Robin, how would you sum up Red Day in three words?

RENEW, ENERGIZE, DONATE.

with 1.5 Liter Drink $5.99

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Red Day (Renew, Energize and Donate) is recognized nationwide

by Keller Williams Associates and it is a day that we step out into the community to do volunteer work for a local organization. Last year we (Keller Williams Mid Maine) painted the insides of three Habitat For Humanity houses. This year we picked The Root Cellar and we cleaned the place up with yard work, trash pick up, sorted tons of donated bags of clothing, painted two chalkboard walls and prepared food for a barbeque for the entire neighborhood.

Agents, friends & family of Keller Williams Mid Maine Realty came out to help at The Root Cellar in Lewiston for Keller Williams Annual Red Day Event, which encourages it's associates to "Give where you live"

Meagan & Robin

Residential/Commercial • Camp openings • Garages • Rewiring Street lighting • New construction • Renovations • Generators Outdoor services • Meter upgrades

Jason Desmarais Master Electrician

Yawn: an honest opinion openly expressed.

740-2888 Licensed & Insured Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039 41

Mosquito: an insect that makes you like flies better.

Daniel

Michelle

Jen

Cindy

Elizabeth

Lynn

Micaela

Look your best at the beach!

Our Services: Emily

Christine

• Cuts & Styles • Colors • Highlights

studio for hair, nails & massage

www.panachehairandnailstudio.com

• Shellac Nails • Acrylic Nails • Facial & Body Waxing • Massage Services • Make-up Application Coming soon... Facials!

• Extensions • Perms • Formaldahyde-free Hair Relaxing • Wedding & Prom Styles • Manicures & Pedicures

20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

Logical Math

John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

A mathematics professor poses the following problem to one of his classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves 10 million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his daughter, one-fifth to his son, one-sixth to his brother, and the rest to his wife.

Now, what does each get?”

"Waiter," he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"

After a very long silence, a student raises his hand and replies, “A lawyer?”

RS DOO N AT OPE PM 3:00

"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."

Knights of Columbus

MORE GAMES

• MORE PRIZES • MORE

WINNERS

Up to 48 Cards for $10 Sealed Tickets • W.T.A. • 50/50 Prizes Canteen • New Friendly Staff

150 East Ave., Lewiston • 782-9265 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Myth: a female moth.

RY EVE AY ESD N D WE PM 6:30

Out & About with the Healthy Androscoggin Work Healthy Award Winners

Innuendo: Italian suppository.

We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!

Hillary Eaton receives the Work Healthy plaque on behalf of Austin Associates

120 Center Street, Auburn

784-9900

www.AuburnGoinPostal.com

Jill Brayman, CMMC; Kate Callahan, HA & State Senator Craven

Brian Dubois of The Y in Auburn & Kate Callahan, HA

We want to be the easiest part of your week!

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll...

Payroll Management has been serving the payroll needs for small and mid size companies since 1989.

PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.

100 Manley Road, Auburn Rose Pelletier of Rose's Cleaning & Kate Callahan, HA Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JUNE 2011

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783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.

Out ’n About at

There's no place like http://www.home.com

KC Bingo

Framing Made Simple 8x10 .............................$10 16x20 ...........................$20 20x24 ...........................$30 24x36 ...........................$40

Metal Frame (silver, black or gold) Regular Glass

Affordable, everyday pricing, just for you!

Foam Core Backing

at the Knights of Columbus in Lewiston It’s true, we take our BINGO pretty seriously. You’re looking at our game faces right now!

Expert Custom Framing!

Quality Personal Service!!

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 www.DandRFraming.com

Dan Williams, owner

SUMMER SPECIAL Clean your furnace

Tune-Up Time Oil • Gas • Solid Fuel

New homes • Replacement equipment & repairs

in 10th year ! s s e busin

Avoid costly repairs with our tune-ups!

Multi-unit Discounts • FREE Estimates 24 hour emergency service • Call 615-6391

B-I-N-G-O is not my name-o. But I sure do enjoy winning the cash prizes!

at affordable rates!

$120*

Labor & parts included *most units

Child’s Heating Service 345-3083 www.childsheatingserviceinc.com

481 Maine St. • Poland Spring, Maine Joseph Cimino • Roger Caldwell POLANDSPRINGTRADINGPOST@HOTMAIL.COM

Hermits unite!

207-998-2806 207-576-9535 207-576-1553

This game takes total focus.

I can’t even stop to look at the camera...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About on RED DAY at the Root Cellar

I used to contain myself, but I escaped.

I thoroughly enjoyed Red Day, and to give where I live, really made this a fulfilling experience. I encourage others to do the same, it’s good for your soul.

We buy and sell gently used children’s items!

Clothing, toys, furniture and everything in between!

Newborn thru Kids sizes Kids Love Our Clothes Moms Love Our Prices Frequent Shoppers Program enables you to save even more SHOP MORE

Jan Jacques

$AVE MORE!

Ask us how!!

$5 OFF Your $25 purchase!

Must present coupon or mention ad • Expires 6/30/11

KW Realtor

Anonymously Speaking I'm not in the witness protection program, I just prefer volunteering anonymously, by the way this picture isn't going to be seen by anyone is it?

Lately the bank has been charging me maintenance fees. So I went to the bank and asked them, “Why, have you been coming over to do my housework?”

Submitted anonymously

96 Sabattus Road, Sabattus 375-7100 I used to smoke. Now I just smolder.

Out ʻʼn About at Jasmineʼs Cafe

Some say my 6 handicap is impressive.

It’s not as impressive as the food here! (front) Willy Kannegieser (back) Kristin Kannegieser, Donna

Giroux & Marc Kannegieser Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Earn

10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!

Expires 6/30/11

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductee It’s an honor to have made it on the wall of fame!

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Normand Bisson of Lewiston

Maine Blues Festival 2011 For the sixth consecutive year the Maine Blues Festival is scheduled for Father's Day weekend, June 17-19 in Naples. The Festival has grown into one of the area's most anticipated events of the summer. Over 40 Maine based blues acts will perform at 10 venues in Naples. Well known area acts including Pam Baker, Mark Miller, Denny Breau, Blue Steel Express, the Practical Cats, Pat Pepin, Brookside Blues Band, The Colwell Brothers, Delta Knights, Eric Green Party, Matt & the Barnburners, Zach Pomerleau Band, and Jimmy & the Soulcats will appear. A host of other bands, duos and solo artists will be performing electric, acoustic, Chicago, Delta, Cajun and other styles of blues music.

Friday, June 17 will kick off the event at several non-ticket venues in the Naples area.

Saturday tickets are $12 in advance and $15 day of show for entrance to all 10 venues throughout Naples, with continuous music from noon until after midnight. Sunday will feature finale performances and all-star jams throughout the afternoon.

Advance tickets, entertainment schedule and lodging info is available at mainebluesfestival.com and all Bull Moose locations.

Kiosks will be set up all around Naples for day of show tickets and festival programs.

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

The Brookside Blues Band will kick off the Festival

5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Friday June 17 at Rick’s Café in Naples beginning at 9:00.

They will be joined by former members of The Blend for an evening of classic and original blues, with no cover charge.

If something goes without saying, let it!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery

&T Jimbo

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Out ’n About on RED DAY at the Root Cellar I'm so proud of both my daughters for coming out to help us on Red Day.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Bento Lunch Box Includes your choice of Jasmine Rice, Miso Soup or Glass Noodle Soup, House Salad, 2 pc. Sushi Roll, 2 pc. Appetizer & Side of Noodle of the Day

Starting at $6.95 Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi We Deliver!

730 Center Street, Auburn

www.jasminecafemaine.com Robin, Heidi Gallop, KW Agent & Meagan

Helping out always puts a smile on my face!

Tammy Bellefleur KW Realtor

Odd Phrases Where did they come from?

The phrase "sleep tight" originated when mattresses were set upon ropes woven through the bed frame.

To remedy sagging ropes, one would use a bed key to tighten the rope.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Auburn Plaza, next to Flagship Cinema

376-4855

Note Worthy Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir.

From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch.

His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?"

Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Every time I think I've hit bottom, someone lends me a shovel.

Out ’n About at Jasmine’s Cafe for their Grand Opening

Jasmine’s sushi is unbelievable!

I’m here so much, they know me by name!

Anthony Collins & Richard Conway Their Japanese food is king. It’s even better than my King Cobra driver golf club.

Julia Gavin & Dave Bisson The Crystal clear choice for me is their Thai food!

Betty & Derek Laliberte A nest is not empty until all their stuff is out of the attic.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

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Local Tot To Compete In Little Miss Pageant

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Kayleigh Levesque Six month old Kayleigh Levesque of Buckfield will be competing for the title of L/A's Little Miss Independence at the Auburn Mall on June 25th.

Kayleigh will compete in three areas of competition including beauty, photogenic and patriotic wear. The pageant is open to young ladies from 6 months to 11 years old. Kayleigh will be competing for the opportunity to represent the L/A area at the National Finals in Portland as well as a host of other awards.

Kayleigh is the daughter of Joseph and Samantha Levesque of Buckfield. Her proud grandparents are Vicki and David Dean also of Buckfield. For more information stop by the Auburn Mall on Center Street in Auburn.

YTH2042 Yard Tractor

Price...$1599

Price...$399

Price...$1699

You may say I am crazy, but I am really a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios.

– Uncle Andy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Adults are just kids who owe money.

Uncle Andy wants to know: Why do two pound bags of uncooked popcorn cost about two bucks in the grocery store while a handful of popcorn costs seven bucks at the movie theater?

Out & About with the Healthy Androscoggin Work Healthy Award Winners

Month of June Proms Recitals Graduation Father s Day

Ann’s Flowers Taylor Brook Mall 14 Millett Drive, Auburn

782-3457 www.annsflower.com "Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at the very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive."

– Mel Brooks Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Kate present Chip Morrison the plaque for The Androscoggin Chamber of Commerce

Matt Cote from Kaplan University Lewiston Campus accepts award from Senator Margaret Craven

Kate Callahan, HA; Auburn Mayor, Dick Gleason & Erin Guay, HA

The Schooner Estates group receives their Work Healthy Award from Senator Margaret Craven

At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his high-school alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.

Try our Boston-style Sausage Sub this month!

"I sure was!" answered the host.

"He was the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"

"Well, not then," replied the guest.

"But my mother married him last Saturday."

Spaghetti Special!

Bucket of spaghetti with 4 meatballs & loaf of garlic bread

Home of the Gluten-free Crust

$

Just

11.99

Call ahead for takeout or enjoy a meal in our full service dining room!!

Breakfast served daily until 11am The Little Place with the Great Taste

Rt. 100 • New Gloucester

Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm

Check us out online at www.mariositalianmaine.com

926-3434

Breakfast Served Daily until 11am

I have a photographic memory, but the lens cap is glued on.

You're getting older when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster used to.

Cancer Survivors Invited to Unite at Relay For Life of Androscoggin County

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

Open Father’s Day!

a i v i r t ntn

Specials & Full Menu Available MLB Baseball Package Watch your favorite team in HD HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com It's not the pace of life that bothers me; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Poland Regional HS Knights Baseball sends out a big...

THANK YOU!

To all of our sponsors who made our golf tournament a huge success...

Michigan Veneer Dad’s Place Republic Jewelry G.A. Downing K&K Excavation Bryant Energy

Cooper Paving Electro Static Technology Dead River Dunkin’ Donuts of Auburn & Oxford

Minot Country Store

Wight’s Sporting Goods Shirley King Sign Shack of Maine Uncle Andy’s Digest (prime sponsor)

The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.

The American Cancer Society invites all local cancer survivors to attend the Relay For Life of Androscoggin County on June 11 at Edward Little High School track to celebrate life and the hope of a cancer-free future. Relay will kick-off with the opening ceremony and Survivor/Caregiver Lap at 12:15 pm.

Relay For Life is the Society’s signature activity bringing together members of the community to celebrate those who have defeated cancer, remember loved ones lost, and to fight back against the disease. Relay is a team event and takes place at Edward Little High School track, and teams of participants pledge to have one member walking around the track for the duration of the event.

During the Relay, cancer survivors are honored and invited to participate in a special “Survivor’s Lap,” to open the Relay, unified in victory and hope, while the rest of the event’s participants surround the track to cheer them on. The Society believes a cancer survivor is one who defines themselves as such from the time of diagnosis through the balance of life.

There will be many fundraising activities and fun activities throughout the 18hour event to raise money to support cancer survivors and to fight back with funding for research.

This year in Maine, 18 Relay events are planned in communities across the state during May and June. For more information, or to find a Relay event near you, please call 1-800-227-2345 or visit relayforlife.org.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Jasmine’s Cafe for their Grand Opening

Forget health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Lauren Cronin I’ve been around marketing for a long time and Jasmine’s does a great job. With their ad in Uncle Andy’s and their great website by T.H. Creation they’ll be around for a long time!

Tom & Susan Stacey

Angie & Earl St. Hilaire Jimbo is not afraid to say that Uncle Andy is in fact, the one who let the dogs out.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Uncle Andyʼs Law: You will always find something in the last place you look.

Out ’n About at

60-year-old, one owner, needs parts...make offer.

KC Bingo at the Knights of Columbus in Lewiston

Need Catering?

Graduations • Weddings • Birthdays • Father’s Day

We do it all!

Try Nick’s 4 Soups Served Daily

BINGO! BINGO!!

I win!!!

Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs Serving smoked meats for lunch

The patio is now open!

Hours: Mon.-Fri. 8:00-4pm • Sat. 11am - 4pm

84 Court St, Auburn

333-3041

www.hollysown.com

Holly Mireault, Owner

June Specials Shellac Manicure & Spa Pedicure Combo . . . . . .$60 Full Head of Foils . . . . . . . . . . .$75 Eyelash & Brow Tint . . . . . . . .$25

Back l to r: Shannon Lord, Mel Cote, Hannah Greene. Front: Ashley Farrell, Darcy Ames

— Now hiring full & part time Stylists — 336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611

Live Entertainment Weekends Free WiFi

Open Jam Thursdays

Fri. June 3 Sat. June 4 Fri. June 10 Sat. June 11 Fri. June 17 Sat. June 18 Fri. June 24 Sat. June 25 Fri. July 1 Sat. July 2

Join us on Wednesdays. Take a look at the KC Bingo ad on page 42 for more info!

Matt & the Barnburners TBA Skösh TBA Veggies by Day Beyond the Fall TBA Black Cat Road Veggies by Day TBA

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668 Life not only begins at 40, it begins to show.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Jasmine’s Cafe for their Grand Opening Thank you to everyone who came out to our open house.

We hope you keep coming back!

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

Helping our patients achieve extraordinary dental health.

Now accepting new patients.

Wide-Ranging Services Our dental services include crowns, bridges, dentures, dental extractions, tooth whitening, cosmetic dentistry, root canal, fluoride treatment, and all other major areas of dentistry.

Taylor Brook Dental

Dog Math A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Our dentists serve patients in Auburn, Lewiston, Poland, Minot, and surrounding towns. We are here to provide quality, comprehensive dental treatment in a friendly, caring atmosphere. Our goal is to help the patient achieve optimal dental heath throughout their lifetime.

We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

784-1577 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Goodbye tension. Hello pension.

I'm not 50--I'm 18 with 32 years' experience.

Out ’n About at Poland Spring Inn

It’s true!

I stole this shirt from Charlie Sheen

Things Not To Say To On Date I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.

Fifty is the ultimate F-word.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at

KC Bingo

Retirement: twice as much husband, half as much money.

at the Knights of Columbus in Lewiston B-14, B-14.

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

I wish he’d say I-14...

HUGE SALE

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232 Redemption Center Great Beer Specials! Commercial & Residential Create a case, mixed beer selection!

See store for details

SUNDAY SPECIAL

Italians $1.99

Check out our Deli

(ham, salami or veggie)

TUESDAY SPECIAL

Hot & Cold Sandwiches Italians $1.59 (ham, salami or veggie) Pizza & More Find us on Facebook & Foursquare Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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pick-up available Check out MobiDeals for our coupon!

F~lorian’s Market ~

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Why is it called a classified ad if its there to let us know what there selling?

Out ’n About at Poland Spring Inn Uncle Andy, let me get my coat off before you snap a picture...

600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm

v Professional & Experienced Hair Team v Licensed Manicurist/Pedicurist

... to us, you’re more than just a haircut

Why do people say “You know what?” before telling you what “what” is?

Residential Projects – We Do That!

• Excavating • Concrete • Septic System Installation • Water or Sewer Connections • Retaining Walls

Yep, it’s my birthday... I have my cake and I’m gonna eat it, too!

• Screened Loam & Gravel Delivery 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston www.stlaurentandson.com • 784-7944 Locally owned and operated since 1970

Call for your FREE quote!

Why do they put a post office box out in front of the post office? Youʼre already there!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Brown Promoted

If there is an extra small and an extra large, why arent the extra mediums?

Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza Danielle Brown of Community Credit Union, has been promoted to Branch Support. Brown joined the Credit Union in 2008 as a Member Representative.

With this new position, Brown will be responsible for overseeing the Credit Union’s Share Draft and Bill Payer programs. She also serves as an Assistant to the Member Service Supervisor in the Lewiston branch. Brown resides in Lewiston with her husband Nicholas.

Community Credit Union is a member-owned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and Androscoggin County since 1945.

Community Credit Union has branches located at 144 Pine St., Lewiston and 40 Stanley St., Auburn. For more information, log onto communitycreditunion.com

$9.50/pp $5 Children 10 & under 782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston

www.davinciseatery.com

If builders donʼt like building a 13th floor, why donʼt authors skip chapter eleven?

Lewiston Youth Activities Fund We support school libraries!

You grow it, we mow it!

Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday at 6:30PM $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A. Call Greenside Up Lawn Care for all your grass cutting & trimming needs!

Check out the ad on page 88.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

Why are you always the only one in your house that knows how to put a new toilet paper roll on the holder?

WOMEN’S SELF DEFENSE SEMINAR at

Hot Stuff

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

The girls at Panache got all glammed up for the Royal Wedding of Prince William & Kate Middleton

• Learn how to defend yourself with techniques that are easy to learn and apply in a real-life situation.

• Learn how to use your keys, a pen, or even your newspaper to defend yourself.

• Learn an easy formula of stun-release-follow up that will help aid in your defense.

• Learn basic striking and joint manipulation techniques.

• Gain confidence.

• Most of all, have fun learning something that could benefit you or a loved one!

Friday, June 10th 6:00-7:30pm $20 Pre-registration required.

Includes Keychain Kubaton.

Max 20 participants.

Call 784-8900 or stop in to register!

Hot Stuff

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center (l to r) Cindy, Emily, Queen Elizabeth, Michelle, Christine & Lynn For that perfect look on your wedding day, call the salon professionals at Panache at 782-9009 Did You Know: The Prince and Kate are now formally called The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge.

Why isnʼt the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Poland Spring Inn

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

Being Dockside* is one of my favorite places to be...

LIGHT & HEAVY DUTY TRUCK SERVICE & REPAIRS You can come to us or we can go to you!

Suspension Service • Oil Changes Inspections • Roadside Assistance Turn Rotors • Transmission Flush Tune Ups & Much More!

Cyndi Robbins *Cyndi’s Dockside Restaurant

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com

The first thing any coaching staff must do is weed out selfishness.

– Johnny Majors

For sale: Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Treat Dad to lunch or dinner on Father’s Day, Sunday, June 19th.

Large parties, please call ahead.

Outdoor Patio

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.

would like to wish congratulations

to all area graduates!

Get your graduate a gift card for any of our professional services.

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

Lysa Ronan

Jacinta Labbe

We are a full service salon We Now Offer WiFi

786-4311 Doing the Right Thing A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. Thereʼs no sign of the offending vehicle but heʼs relieved to see that thereʼs a note stuck under the windshield wiper. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think Iʼm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But Iʼm not.”

Valerie Kelshaw

Cabbie Submitted by Glen Gisel

A stark-naked woman jumped into a vacant cab. The cabbie was immediately beside himself and just kept on staring at the woman. He makes no attempt to start the car.

"What's wrong with you sunshine, haven't you ever seen a

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

naked woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I come from."

"Well if you're not bloody staring at me, what are you doing then?

"Well, I am thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to pay me with."

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Poland Spring Inn

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.

WWW.MAINEOXY.COM

22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Shooting stars arenʼt stars, of course. They're meteors.

Tennessee Williams wasnʼt born in Tennessee. He was born in Columbus, Mississippi.

Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

Why Choose Taylor Brook Dental?

Joe & Linda Bolduc

• Experienced, professional and courteous staff • Our staff has a combined experience of 391 years in dentistry • Clean, modern facility with plenty of parking

Bobbie & Shelley

• We offer Cosmetic & Preventative Dentistry Services all under one roof • We accept the following insurances: Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna • We have Care Credit & SpringBrook Patient Financing available

Kris & Ken

• Our mission is to help our patients achieve extraordinary dental health

T AYLOR B ROOK D ENTAL A SSOCIATES 784-1577 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Peter & Ramona Genther

Buttermilk doesnʼt contain butter.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Bruno's 49th Birthday & Rites of Spring Party at Irish Twins

The Douglas Fir isnʼt a fir—itʼs a pine tree.

dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo

Boy, you look a lot like Charlie Sheen...

Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm

WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS

Friday & Saturday I hear that all the time and I never get sick of it!!

Erica Robinson & Bruno Smith

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.25 • Large $15.95

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.25 Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.75 • Large $13.25 Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . .$6.95 w/Potato & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Veggies By Day ...winning

Baked Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Cloeslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

I’ve worked here for 25 years, it’s a family atmosphere. Come try the chicken pot pie or hot chicken sandwich, two Cole Farms favorites!

Christine Marshall of New Gloucester

BREAKFAST BUFFET

Adults .............$6.95 6 & under .......$3.95

SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Now open from 7am-11am

Veggies with Bruno

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com

...epic winning

JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Although people think otherwise, a newborn baby canʼt shed tears.

& Jimbo

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Smokey the Bear didnʼt always have that famous name. Originally, he was Hot Foot Teddy.

Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event

207-739-9022 Commercial or Residential

Kenny & Janet Palmer

• Lawn care • Landscaping

June Special

• Seasonal Cleanups

We're from the Augusta area, but we come here for all our bikes, accessories & apparel because its the best shop in Maine, hands down!

$10 OFF

• Stone Work

First lawn mowing New accounts only

• Seeding • Hedge Trimming • Annual & Perennials

Durginslawnandlandscape.com

Those who do public speaking donʼt stand behind a podium. They stand behind a lectern.

A podium is the platform or stage on which a speaker stands.

Out ’n About at the Village Inn in Auburn

I love the Chicken Cordon Bleu

The clam strips are delicious, but the French Onion Soup is the best in L/A without a doubt!

I'm very proud one of the three generations of The Vallee family to own and operate the Village Inn in Auburn.

We're proud to still prepare our meals using the same recipes and techniques that we've always used.

Janine & Al Hastey Nobody does Harley-Davidson better than L-A Harley!

Vincent Corey & Leslie Lafrance We decided to treat the birthday girl to her first meal at The Village Inn...

And I'll be back again soon. Next time you go out to eat, come here!

And I think I’m pretty hot, too!

Michael Vallee Sr

Shirley Michaud, Heather Allen (the birthday girl) & Paulette Dyment

The London Bridge has never fallen down.

Lori Chason, Dan Lawler & Susan Lawler Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Bruno's 49th Birthday & Rites of Spring Party at Irish Twins

Short Line, of Monopoly fame, wasnʼt actually a railroad. It was a bus company.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

Monday Night Scrambles

2 for 1

Make your own team or sign up as a single.

Call the club for more information.

I can’t wait to see the video of this kiss so I can PLAY IT AGAIN.

Senior League EVERY TUESDAY MORNING Call the club for more information

Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

ATTENTION FACEBOOK FANS! You can now book a tee time directly from the Spring Meadows FaceBook account. Convenient, fast and easy. Try it today!

Kristin & Chris

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS Check out new website: SpringMeadowsGolf.com

Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone that act as pigmenting agents.

Dan Smith

Saturday, June 18th Don’t miss the...

And be sure to stop

by Ron’s Mexican Cantina & Grill.

All proceeds are donated to Camp Sunshine! Thank you for your continued support!!

Scott & Michelle St. Pierre The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.

– Dennis Green Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Always a

Camp Sunshine donation destination!

Sponsored by:

Windham Automotive 385 Roosevelt Trail, Windham

892-1212 It might surprise you to find out men are far more likely to be moved to tears by music than women.

Out & About at Holly’s Own Restaurant for their 4th anniversary celebration

Venetian blinds were invented in Japan, not Venice.

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

Don’t forget

Father’s Day is June 19th.

But you can bring dad and the whole

Thatcher’s has the best food in Windham!

family anytime!

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere

RESTAURANT 892-9922

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm Sun 12 - 8pm

Located at 907 Roosevelt Trail

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Nothing can be more useful to you than a determination not to be hurried.

– Henry David Thoreau

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

– C. S. Lewis Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." – Michael Jordan

Whether your going to the beach, to the races or just hanging out in your own back yard...

Dad’s Place is a great place to fill your cooler!

Dad’s Place

There’s NO PLACE like...

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change. – Erick Golnik

Summer Catering From Weddings to Backyard BBQ’s to Company Parties & More!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price No job too big or too small!

There’s NO PLACE like...

345-9009

Dad’s Place Catering Division

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

The time is always right to do what is right. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is the still, small voice that the soul heeds, not the deafening blasts of doom.

– William Dean Howells

Out & About at Holly’s Own Restaurant for their 4th anniversary celebration My song writing and I are a work in progress. And we’re certainly moving forward!

MO RE

This is what I’m talking about!!

I heard Uncle Andy was making a comeback...

"If it's sanity you're after, there's no recipe like laughter." – Henry Rutherford Elliot

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A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes.

"Mr. Brewster," the judge said, "you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."

Bad thoughts are like germs. Build up your immunity!

After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."

"I have a sore throat, Doctor. I ache, I have a fever."

"Sounds like a virus."

"Everyone in the office has it."

"Well then, maybe it's a staff infection."

The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.

Now Offering

PAVING Professional, Affordable & High Quality Work 20 years experience Commercial & Residential

CALL FOR YOUR FREE ESTIMATE!

Materials Sold & Delivered Mulch • Packing Gravel • Top Soil • Crushed Rock • Mulch by the bag or truckload

M&P Property Management 1339 Sabattus Street, Lewiston Moe 577-0690 • Scott 402-5108 • moe.poirier@yahoo.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. – Sydney J. Harris

Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event

Mercedes Shellman & Dean Hale

• Power your whole house • Keep medical equipment running

I came up here from Portland because L-A Harley was the only dealership in the entire state with the exact bike I was looking for.

• Keep food cold & your home warm • Keep well pumps & sump pumps working

And Much More!

INCLUDES FULL INSTALLATION CALL FOR MORE INFO

John Dianan & Kerry Kenney

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn

L-A Harley's got the best selection & service ever!

www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com

Dawn Chase & Richard Urquhart

Donʼt hate me because I m good, hate me because I know it!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

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&T Jimbo

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Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo

I love coming to Pedro’s to see my favorite bartender, Abby!

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

2006 Jeep Commander Limited Loaded, 64K NICE! It’s party time!

I didn't loose my marbles, the people in my head are playing with them and they wont give them back! I wish they would learn to share. – Uncle Andy Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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NADA Book $18,900

MARC’S PRICE

$16,900 Tasha Pelletier, Model

1111 Center Street Auburn

AUTO BODY & SALES Cell: 754-0310 COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING

Tel: 782-6515

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. – Joy Hargrove

Ray The Electrician LLC RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL

Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event Better prices, nicer staff & more activities going on than any other Harley dealership I've been to.

“My Prices Won’t Shock You”

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643 rayele@roadrunner.com

Kathy Harris, Jesse Harris & Mike Franklin

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools

• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator

PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

Dana & Tina Goodwin Stop wishing you had a Harley. Stop

by L-A Harley today and see how easy it is to make your dream a reality. They can finance your purchase and help you find the bike that’s right for you!

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply

Jeff Green & Lindsay Delorme

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. – Gene Perret

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Restaurant for their 4th anniversary celebration Shhh...

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. – G Norman Collie

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” And you thought I was sleeping on the job...

Got ya!

Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Come to Holly’s and dance with us!

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE! 20% - 70% OFF

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

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If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! – Hannah Whithall Smith

Once a human reaches the age of 35, he/she will start losing approximately 7,000 brain cells a day. The cells will never be replaced.

CALL US FOR THE NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATE!

We Buy, Sell & Trade

Out & About at Holly’s Own Restaurant for their 4th anniversary celebration

Full Line Gun Smith Service New website coming soon!!

Check us out!

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Lewiston - Auburn Rotary 2011 Spring Flower Scholarship Fundraiser All choices are 10” hanging flower baskets

Just Grin & Bear it!

Geraniums solids: pink/red/salmon

Petunias purple/pink/white/red mixed

Fuchsias two-tone: pink & red/pink & purple/red & white

New Guinea Impatiens red/orange/purple/burgundy

Calacopia purple/pink/yellow/red/white

Contact Phil Nadeau at pnadeau@leistonmaine.gov or 207-513-3121, Ext. 3201. Fax orders to: 207-795-5069

THE DECK awaits you…

Uncle Andy wins wrestling match with stuffed bear at Poland Spring Trading

Pat’s Pizza 784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn Great service, affordable prices and a sexy look! Even on Impulse!

Julie Dionne & Cindy Harnden at Impulse Hair in New Auburn

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Concierge ................... Stand with tourist brochures

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Picturesque ................. Theme park nearby

MATERIAL DELIVERIES GRAVEL • SAND • LOAM STONE • FILL MULCH

This is the best Harley dealership I've ever been to. The staff here is friendly, knowledgeable and they'll bend over backwards to help you.

• LANDSCAPING • PAVING • EXCAVATION • RETAINING WALLS

Sam Bartlett & Laura Kenney

• EMERGENCY WATER/SEWER REPAIRS • DEMOLITION • PARKING LOT REPAIRS

• Fully Insured • Certified in Erosion Control •

1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • lppoirier@myfairpoint.net Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Gentle breezes .............. Occasional Gale-force winds

We like being a part of the L-A Harley Family because there's always a lot of activities going on.

Larry & Mili Gahagan Little Susie was watching her father, the deacon, write a homily.

“How do you know what to say?” she asked her dad.

“Why, God tells me,” he replied.

“Then why do you keep crossing things out?”

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Remodeling Your Kitchen or Bathroom?

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED! Over

110 GRANITE and

300 QUARTZ colors to choose from!

Check out our showroom!

Family Owned & Operated

786-5556 995 Center Street, Auburn • www.granitemarblecountertops.net Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm

Calories That Don't Count... LEFT-HANDED FOOD: If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories.

Calories That Don't Count... FOOD ON FOOT: All food eaten while standing has no calories.

Looking for redemption?

It’s right here in Mechanic Falls!

Take a look at page 47.

Adam Downs & Courtney Richardson Mechanic Falls Redemption

DRIVING RANGE

RESTAURANT

MINI-GOLF

Check us out online!

Out ’n About at Pelletier’s Karate Photo © M s Photography Sadie, please stop bugging me and just leave me alone.

Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am

Open 7 days a week!

TABERS Fishing Terminology TACKLE BOX - A box shaped alarmingly like a good first aid kit, only a tackle box carries an extremely large number of sharp objects, so that when you reach in blindly to grab an adhesive bandage, you soon find that you will need more than one.

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.com Shihan Rich Pelletier Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System

Listen, I’m stronger than you and I’m taking charge here!

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

Calories That Don't Count... CHARITABLE FOODS: Girl Scout cookies, bake sale cookies, ice cream socials and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories.

Sensi Sadie Landry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Hardscape Specialists Gettin’ it Done Right!

You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.

(l to r) Arti Pearl, Terry Caito & Shawn Brown Done Right Hardscape's motto says it all. "If we're doing it, it's done right." The company, which was formed in the fall of 2010 by Arti Pearl, Shawn Brown & Terry Caito is quickly becoming known for their wide range of hardscape services, high quality work and competitive pricing.

The company offers all types of Hardscape services from Retaining Walls, Patios, Granite Curbing, Driveways, Walkways, Steps and more. They also offer Excavating service such as House Lots, Clearing, Grading, Bulldozer Work, Foundations and more.

The crew has over 15 years experience in the field and they use their expertise to help their clients plan & design hardscaping projects.

They also offer free quotes to anyone interested in having a project completed and the company is bonded & fully inured. For more information on Done Right Hardscape or to schedule a free quote.

Contact Shawn Brown, project manager by calling 740-0560 or 3445814 or email them at: donerighthardscape@ya hoo.com See their ad on page 81.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

www.shermarnolds.com NEW EXPANDED HOURS: Monday 8-7pm • Tues - Fri. 8-5pm • Sat. 9-2pm "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." - Mark Twain

Calories That Don't Count... LEFTOVERS: An extra hamburger, a hotdog butt, half a Twinkie, anything intended for the garbage has no calories regardless of what happens to it in the kitchen.

Out ’n About at the Village Inn in Auburn

Call for a FREE QUOTE Retaining Walls • Walkways & Steps • Brick Patios • Specialty Stonework • Granite Curbing • Foundations • BONDED House Lots • & FULLY INSURED Excavation • Shawn Brown And more! • Project Manager

We love the Village Inn's new outdoor Patio!

Glenn, Louise & Cellia We’re here to serve you one of the many famous Village Inn dishes!

740-0560

36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814 • donerighthardscape@yahoo.com Calories That Don't Count... OTHER PEOPLE'S FOOD: A chocolate mousse that you did not order has no calories. Therefore, have your companion order dessert and you taste half of it.

Shari, Dawn & Todd

All New Customers Receive a

FREE Fall Cleanup!*

You would think after all these years that Travis would know how to spell my last name!*

*Call for details

Rick Labonte & Michael Vallee Sr

207-754-5355

*In our May issue we inadvertently spelled Vallee incorrectly.

email: Ben@WatsonLawnCare.com

Things Not To Say To On Date

www.watsonlawncare.com Calories That Don't Count... FOOD EATEN QUICKLY: If you are rushed through a meal, the entire meal doesn't count.

Conversely, if you have ordered something fattening and now regret it, you can minimize its calories by gulping it down.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

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Exemplary Offspring Submitted by Jimbo

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.

"There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff.

"Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly.

"Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leave you alone: Respond to their questions with fax/modem noises.

Eggcettera Catering U N C LE A N D Y A P

If you’re too busy to cook and you don’t want fast food, try our

HOME-COOKED MEALS!

E PR O V D

For only $7 each, Dinner for 1-200.

and Dinner To Go

784-5544

Please order one day prior.

Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

31 Leavitt Street, Auburn

See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com

(first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. intersection as you head toward Mechanic Falls)

Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards

Dinner To Go

June Menu

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does.

Nobody."

"So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.

"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour just to talk about me!"

Things Not To Say To On Date And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

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Please order one day prior.

Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leave you alone: "I'm sorry, but this phone is for personal calls only. The boss won't let us use it for business."

Thank You to our Sponsors!

Come support your Blue Devils Berube’s

6th Annual

Lewiston High School Football Booster 782-1125

GOLF TOURNAMENT

Sunday, June 12, 2011

JRM RACING

7am Registration/Sign In 8am Shotgun Start • Scramble Format 70 Lincoln St. Lewiston 333-3663

EMERSON

Fairlawn Country Club, Poland

CHEVROLET

$50 per person, $200 per team of four

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503

(must accompany form)

Prizes for: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place, closest-to-the-pin, longest drive and putting contest. Plus other events.

Registration Form Player 1:

Phone

Player 2:

Phone

Gridiron

Player 3:

Phone

RESTAURANT & SPORTS PUB

Player 4:

Phone

Hairlooks International

782-1965

777-6353

Please register before Sunday, June 5th. Make checks payable and mail to: LHS Football Boosters, PO Box 34, Lewiston, ME 04240

FMI: Jeff Johnson, 577-0588 • or Joe McKinnon, 333-9088 1331 Sabattus St.

Lewiston 782-3617

LANGLOIS AUTO BODY

HOLM CARPENTRY

Advanced Registration is preferred, you can register at the door.

Over 30 years experience

1305 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 784-0550

577-7969

MELANSON

CONSTRUCTION, INC.

753-1446

PAVING 784-5899

SPONSOR A HOLE! $50.00

Get your team together and join us for a great day of golf!

Out ’n About at Maine Art Glass Studio

Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leave you alone: "You'll have to excuse me now, my armpit is on fire."

MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERS SHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS We also carry: All other types of firearms Knives • Ammo by the case We Buy - Sell - Trade Finders fee for collections

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME

225-3432

Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210

g3firearms@megalink.net

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

Getting a head has always been Uncle Andy’s goal.

His goal has been met.

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Caffeine is proof that God loves us and wants us to pay attention.

The Lenscrafter technician got his tie caught in the machine and he made a spectacle of himself.

Out ’n About at Maine Art Glass Studio

Assisted Home Care

CNA’s GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials

Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team!

If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us!

Nancy Merrill: Administrator Heather Trainer: Director of Nursing

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

I've got some Carefree gum, but it hasn't kicked in yet. I'm worried.

I can’t believe those guys at Uncle Andy’s Digest would publish this... They are udderly ridiculous!

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Out ’n About at Maine Art Glass Studio

If you're killed by a wild pig, does that mean you were boared to death?

Everyone seemed to clam right up when Uncle Andy arrived...

The naked truth is sometimes more apparent then we think...

I always enjoy taking my hot mamma for a bike ride!

Mother's Day Ride 2011 & Jimbo

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at Marcel's Hair in New Auburn

Bert Morin at Undercover Flea Market

Bill & Rachel Stretton

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Gary Simard, Jim Arsenauld & Larry Leavitt

No matter which way were facing, we’ll give Uncle Andy a high five!

I only have eyes for you!

It's always I before E. Isn't that weird?

I ordered a honeymoon salad. It's lettuce, alone.

Out & About at Pedro O’Hara’s for Cinco De Mayo Andale, Andale, Arriba, Arriba!

Find us & like us on FACEBOOK

“Glamour” Shot

Oh my God, we’re going in Uncle Andy’s, what a dream come true!

If you want more time, wear more watches.

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Gaseous Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.

During the sessions on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation - the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the intermediate stage(s). e.g., frost water vapor in the air becoming a solid on surfaces without first going through the liquid stage.

www.abcpool.com

Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free youʼll enjoy it even more.

We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price thatʼs right for any budget.

Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas (expecting "dry ice" as the answer).

A previously unknown section of my mind took control of my mouth and immediately emitted the word "burrito."

It took the instructor about 10 minutes to regain an academic composure.

Heather’s Gardens

YOU GROW IT, WE MOW IT!

Specializing in flower garden design and maintenance

Best prices in L/A!!

Lawn mowing & trimming

Greenside Up Lawn Care Heather Martin

576-6814

Degree in Horticulture

HeathersGardens@hotmail.com

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713-3566

When my ship comes in, I'll be at the airport. – Uncle Andy

Out & About at L-A Harley’s Black & Orange Event It’s hard to choose just one...

A man got a blood transfusion, but the hospital ran out of blood - so substituted borscht.

Now his heart never skips a beet.

If you want the best selection of Harley's in Maine and the best bike buying experience you can get, then look no further than L-A Harley Davidson!

Chuck Neal, Bruce Nadeau & Marcel Bolduc

Bunny, Moe & Lou

Ride to L-A Harley, stretch your legs on the new covered porch, then check out the shop, too!

Fishing Terminology TEST - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity when trying to come up with yet another explanation for why you have come home once again empty-handed.

Lori & Susan

Fly In My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient.

She had a fly in her ear. He suggested an old home remedy.

"Pour warm olive oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes," he said. "When you lift your head the fly should emerge with the liquid."

The patient thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked, "Into which ear should I pour the oil?"

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Saturday, June 25th 10K Race • 5K Race • One-mile Run or Walk Race starts from the town square in Mechanic Falls Stick around for the many events going on throughout the day for “Community Day” in Mechanic Falls!

For more info about running, volunteering or to register:

www.pathwaysmaine.com or call 753-1457 x2202 What did Ernie say when his best friend asked him if he wanted some ice cream?

"Sure, Bert!"

I read a book on helium once. I couldn't put it down!

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

Open Year Round

Building or Remodeling??

Check out our Showroom!!

WE STOCK: Monitors • Rinnai • Radiant (Heating Supplies) Baseboard • 1 & 2 pc Tub & Showers Vanity Tops & Bases • Kitchen & Bath Faucets Toilets • Repair Parts (Plumbing & Heating)

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020

I’ll pay you cash for your antiques!

Dan Boyd Auction Company Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates • Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

1525 Lisbon St., Lewiston

783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 www.myselco.com PLUMBING & HEATING SUPPLIES

M-F 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

NO INITIAL CHARGES Cancel your annual service today and call...

Maine Seasonal Pest Control

State & Federally Licensed

June is get rid of ants month!

Andrew Ferguson Master Applicator

Dan Boyd

998-5084 or 754-1009

(207) 346-1678 MESeasonalPest@aol.com

Lic # CMA44691/7A7B7E

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

DON’T TAILGATE!

DOLMAR

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

**DISTRESS SALES** FREE list w/pics of bank foreclosure properties & distress sales

www.mainedistressedsales.com or Free recorded message

1-800-392-8953 • ID #1042 Courtesy of Keller Williams Realty/Cathy Manchester 653-7653

Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039 91

You are probably an elementary school teacher if: ~ You ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home. ~ You move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the table. ~ You ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends. ~ You hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes. ~ You declare "no cuts" when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line.

I'm a pessimistic optimist. I expect the worst - that way things can only get better.

Get it GONE NOW!!

• Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away…

• We bust our butts so you don’t have to!

JUNE is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!!

Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!

Farrell Enterprises Over 65?

Ask about senior discounts.

Fully Insured Call for FREE Quote!

782-5300 or 576-2501

I'm right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%? – Uncle Andy ~ You ask, "Are you sure you did your best?" to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction. ~ You sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book. ~ You say everything twice. I mean, you repeat everything.

"There is no such thing as 'on the way out' as long as you are still doing something interesting and good; you're in the business because you're breathing."

– Louis Armstrong Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

Where I caught it...

Ask me no questions, I will tell no lies.

Evan Roy with his 23 lb, 46” Pike

Out ’n About at the Village Inn in Auburn

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899

PAVING

• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating

Call for FRimEatEes Est

Whenever we're in L/A, we go to the Village Inn to eat, its well worth the drive and makes the trip more than worth it.

Jim & Anita Sanuk & Elroy Winckler all of Scarborough Don't forget to buy a lobster hat when you're here too, we have two types to choose from, but this one's my favorite.

784-5899

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413 The Lobster Girl Shannon Wilson Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039 93

OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Can bald people get a hairline fracture?

BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION

783-7299 or 576-4330 Welcome to summer all you Uncle Andy’s Digesters!

Here we are already in June and I truly cannot believe how fast this year is flying by. We are already half way through 2011 and I will be frank with you, not one of my New Year’s resolutions has been completed or adhered to. However, I don’t actually recall making any resolutions to begin with, so, I guess it’s at least partially correct what they say, “If you set the bar low enough or, I in my case, don’t set it at all, you have a much higher rate of success.” Now don’t go getting all bent out of shape, I am only joking. I don’t want any of you recent high school and college graduates to go setting any bar so low your future goals consist of watching all the reruns of Family Feud on daytime television. Now please do not miss-construe my wording here, Miami Mike definitely gets into a round or two of the feud and I am still partially convinced the surveyed population is made up of five people, one of whom is Chuck Norris and his vote counts for 96% of the results.

With summer upon us we all want to look our best and one of the new crazes here in south Florida is teeth whitening. There are kiosks and ads all over, from the top of taxicabs to the middle of shopping centers. Now I know we are all Maineiacs but that doesn’t mean you need to go giving yourself the back woods whitening.

This would consist of you, belly flopping into the pool

24´ X 40´ RANCH ROOF $

3995 COMPLETE JOB

➭ Remove and haul away all roofing debris ➭ Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield ➭ Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area ➭ Install a 30-year Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof ➭ Installation of ridge vent to entire ridge

WE DON’T USE SUBCONTRACTORS

ALL LABOR AND MATERIALS INCLUDED! Email: roofnfools@yahoo.com web site: www.LessardRoofing.com

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, some of us would have never been born!

(continued from previous page)

If you get mono twice, isn't that stereo?

and smiling underwater for long periods of time, hoping the chemicals you put in there over the winter will brighten up your pearly whites. Let me stop you right there! First, slowly step away from the edge of the pool. Second, immediately call ABC Pool & Spa to clean up the pool from the winter months; you never know what may be floating in there after a long winter. Third, get to Taylor Brook Dental Associates and let the professionals take care of your teeth.

You wouldn’t let your waste removal specialist be your interior decorator would ya?

Exactly! Now, once again my fellow digesting friends it’s time to end, vaya con dios (Go With God) or whomever else you want to go with.

Until next month I am your Miami Mike and I approve this message!

Rolex & Timex A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Hellooooooooooooo," answered the girl.

"They're watch dogs!"

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

My frosted flakes melted in the summer.

In 1968, Iron Butterfly released its classic album, Inna-GaddaDa-Vida. The title of the album apparently resulted from the slurred speech of the main singer. The line should have read: "In the Garden of Eden."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039 95

Whiten Teeth While You Tan!!

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033 UV Activated Inquire within for details

Sauna • Massage Tanning Fitness Facility Cardio Classes

2006 Jeep Commander 6 cyl., Auto, 3rd Row, Parking Sensor

$12,490

You will now!

$1,500 GAS CARD

Women’s Self Defense Seminar

with purchase of this vehicle only must mention this ad

Browse our DEALER INVENTORY

Friday June 10th 6-7:30pm $20 Pre-registration required.

Space is limited. Call or stop in to reserve your spot!

Become a fan on

Facebook For Those Who Like it HOT!

Hot Stuff

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900 Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

96

GOT GAS?

& Jimbo

JUNE 2011

783-7039

06 Audi A4 2.0T Quattro, AWD, Leather Seats, CD, 6-Spd . .$14,990 04 Audi A6 2.7T S-Line, 6 Cyl,, 4 Dr., Blue, Air/Cruise/PWDL $11,490 03 Audi A6 4.2L, Auto, V8, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 07 BMW 328xi, 4 Dr., Black, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . .$18,990 08 Chevy Avalanche LTZ, 4x4, Tow Pkg., Bed Liner . . . . . .$24,990 07 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Auto, Tow, 4X4,4 Dr., Gray . . . . . . .$12,490 07 Chevy Cobalt LT, Auto, Coupe, 83k, CD, PW/L, Roof . . . . . .$9,490 06 Chevy Trailblazer EXT LS, 4x4, Tow Pkg., Running Boards .$11,490 05 Chevy Suburban 1500 LS, 96k, 9-Seat, Roof Rack . . . . .$12,990 05 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Red, 94k, 4x4, Power Options . . . .$10,990 05 Chevy Equinox LT, 68k, 4DR, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 04 Chevy Trailblazer LS, 4x4, Auto, 85k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 03 Chevy Suburban 1500LS, 9 Seats, 4 Dr., Charcoal . . . . .$10,490 06 Chrysler 300 Touring, V6, Auto, Black,CD, 4Dr, Loaded .$11,990 08 Doge Caliber, Gas Saver, Wagon, CD, Auto, 4 Dr, 75k, Silver . .$9,990 07 Dodge Caravan SXT, V6, Auto, Dual Sliders, CD, Blue . . .$10,990 07 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, Quad Cab, Tow Pkg., 86k . . . . . .$17,990 06 Dodge Durango Limited, 78k, GPS, Leather, Loaded . . .$15,990 05 Dodge Dakota SLT Quad Cab, Gray, 4x4, 84k, CD Changer .$13,990 05 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, V8, 4x4, Silver, Tow Pkg., CD . . . .$12,990 04 Dodge Dakota SLT, Quad cab, 4x4, 8 Cyl., Auto, Silver . . .$8,990 03 Dodge Durango SLT, Tow Pkg., 3rd Row, Pwr Option . . . .$7,490 07 Ford Focus ZX5 SES, Auto., 5 Dr., Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 05 Ford F350 4x4, 4Dr, Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 04 Ford Explorer, V6, 4x4, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 07 GMC Yukon SLT, 8 Cyl., Auto., DVD, Leather, 3rd row . . . .$20,990 06 GMC Envoy Denali, Auto, 4x4, Loaded, Black . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Honda Element, Auto, Blue, 4Dr, Power Options .CALL FOR PRICE

07 Hyundai Sonata Limited, 74K 6 Cyl., Auto., Silver . . . . . .$11,490 05 Infinity G35x, V6, Auto, Red, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 07 Jeep Commander Sport, 79k, 4x4, Blue, 3rd Row . . . . .$13,990 06 Jeep Commander, 6 Cyl., Auto., 3rd Row, Parking Sensor . . . .$12,490 06 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, 6 Cyl., Auto., Red, 4X4 . . .$12,490 06 KIA Sportage EX, 85k, Running Boards, 4x4, Auto . . . . .$11,990 07 Mazda3 Sport, One-Owner, 5-Speed, 68k, Gray, Roof, 4Dr., $12,490 08 Mercury Milan AWD, 4 Dr., Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 04 MINI Cooper S, Super Charged 6-Speed, 86k . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Saab 93, Auto, 83k, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 06 Saturn Ion 3, 35MPG, 5-Speed, Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 07 Scion TC, 89k, Auto, Roof, Premium Wheels . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 08 Toyota Tacoma TRD, V6, 4x4, 5-Speed, Black, 54k . . . .$20,490 04 Toyota 4Runner SR5, Tow Pkg. Running Boards, 4x4 . . . . . . .$15,490 07 Volvo S60, AWD, Auto, 5Cyl., Grey, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Volvo XC90 T6, 4x4, V6, Black, 3rd Row, Loaded . . . . . .$13,990 05 Volvo S60 R, AWD, Red, Roof, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 05 Volvo V50 Wagon, 55k, Red Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 08 VW Jetta SE, Auto, Loaded, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 08 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edition, 79k, Auto, CD, Moonroof . . .$14,990 07 VW Jetta, 90k, 5-Speed, White, CD Changer, Loaded, Roof . .$11,490 07 VW Rabbit PZEV, Red, 5-Speed, 43k, CD Changer, 4Dr. . .$11,490 07 VW Rabbit PZEV, 43K, 5 Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 05 VW Passat GLS 1.8T Wagon, 91k, Auto, . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 VW Passat, Green , 48k, Power Options, Auto . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 VW Jetta GLS PZEV, 5-Speed, 96k, Power Options . . . . . .$8,990 04 VW Passat, Grey, Auto, 71k, Power Options . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 03 VW Passat GLX VR6, Leather, Loaded, Auto, 90k . . . . . . .$7,990

I got a jump rope, but it's just a rope. Turns out you have to do the jumping part.