THIRTY ONE: Issue 17

A three part testimony

ISSUE SEVENTEEN

MICHELLE OLIVIER

MARZANNE ALDRIDGE

ME2 MAGAZINE

WILMA OLIVIER

JUDY SCHELLINGERHOUT

EDNA ELS

RYNIE OLIVIER

KARA NOTHNAGEL

#17 CONTENTS P O W E R N O T E 1

- Edna Els F E A R L E S S G I R L 5

- Marzanne Aldridge F E AT U R E S T O R I E S : M Y T E S T I M O N Y PA R T 2

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- Michelle Olivier T H E S I S T E R

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- Rynie Olivier A MOTHER’S SUPPORT T H R O U G H T R A U M A 2 3

- Wilma Olivier J O Y, H O P E A N D D I S C I P L I N E

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- Judy Schellingerhout T H E R E I S S PA C E F O R Y O U H E R E

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- Kara Nothnagel W E A R & E AT

© This publication is produced by Victory Media for m e 2 M e n t o r i n g J e ff re y s B a y. A l l a rt i c l e s a re w r i tt e n b y members of Victory Church unless otherwise stated.

Th i s m a g a z i n e i s n o t f o r s a l e . Fo r f u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n on any of the articles, do not hesitate to email us at me2@victorychurch.org.za Issue 17 - June 2021 me2mentoring.com // victorychurch.org.za Cover Photography: Holistic Photography

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P OWE R N OT E F R O M E DNA

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Hi my friend, Can I be honest with you?

That Truth cuts through our self-pity, selfrighteousness and excuses like a hot knife through

Yesterday was just a hard day for me. Have you also

butter, allowing us to humble ourselves and to

experienced some pressure and frustration lately?

adjust our attitude whilst fully embracing our human fallibility without feeling condemned and useless.

Yes, I know we pray, “let it be on earth as it is in heaven”, and that there is “no frustration in heaven”,

Yes, my friend,

but sometimes the dissonance between what we’re facing and what we believe for becomes a gap

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth

that stretches us far beyond what we think we can

and tell it in love— like Christ in everything. We take

overcome. It’s in these times that I’m so grateful to

our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything

God that He just never gives up on us.

we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so

The fact that He doesn’t throw His hands up in the

that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

air in utter exasperation because we don’t ‘quite’ turn out the way He envisioned attests to His patient

Ephesians 4:15-16 [The Message]

loving-kindness and not to our compliance to the process.

So today, let’s celebrate the privilege of His friendship and the friends that He has graciously

He is constantly forming, shaping and moulding us,

given us to ensure that we grow up and mature.

using every (adverse and advantageous) situation and person to shape us to look more like Him.

Thank you to every friend that has loved unconditionally and without reserve, that has

He knows the Masterplan for our future, He holds the

taken the risk to speak the Truth at the cost of

blueprint, and He has the final say!

being unpopular and misunderstood. That has encouraged and at times rebuked, that has

And, as if that’s not sufficient, He loves us enough to

laughed till we cried, and cried with us when we

remind us of who we are and how we’re supposed

had no tears left. That has personified Jesus and

to behave (just in case we’ve forgotten or become

inspired us to do the same: To be the kind of friend

so overwhelmed by contrary circumstances) by

we’d like to have.

bringing friends around us to confirm His word and personify His love and kindness to us.

Your grateful friend,

True Friends don’t always say what we want to hear

Edna

or even how we’d like to hear it. But they speak up for us, and they speak Truth to us.

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NO PROLONGED INFANCIES AMONG US, PLEASE. WE’LL NOT TOLERATE BABES IN THE WOODS, SMALL CHILDREN WHO ARE EASY PREY FOR PREDATORS. GOD WANTS US TO GROW UP, TO KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH AND TELL IT IN LOVE—LIKE CHRIST IN EVERY THING. WE TAKE OUR LEAD FROM CHRIST, WHO IS THE SOURCE OF EVERY THING WE DO. HE KEEPS US IN STEP WITH EACH OTHER. HIS VERY BREATH AND BLOOD FLOW THROUGH US, NOURISHING US SO THAT WE WILL GROW UP HEALTHY IN GOD, ROBUST IN LOVE. EPHESIAN 4:15-16

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Marzanne Aldridge

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P h o t o g r a p h y : R u t h Pa s q u e s

One night, I followed my normal routine, but this time the shouting wasn’t drowned out by the music. It got worse: voices being raised, glass shattering, tumbling and falling here and there, and a shout for help. I wanted to help, but my body was completely paralyzed by fear.

That night was different because this time it was GROWING UP, FOR ME, MY NAME REPRESENTED

my 22-year-old Bipolar brother who came home

FEAR. IT WAS WRITTEN ALL OVER ME.

drunk. He was upset with my dad for gambling away all the food money and started breaking

I grew up in what I thought every Christian

everything he could find. He shattered almost our

house looked like. The type that goes to church

entire kitchen, tossed my mom around, and then

every Sunday, who prays before every meal,

took his dumbbells and threw it through our glass

and who sings a worship song every now and

door. Our only option was to call the police. Not

then. However, we were also the type that went

exactly every mom’s dream to have their son

to church on Sunday but got drunk Monday to

locked up.

Saturday. The type that abused one another, and who completely misunderstood love.

That became our new normal…

My dad was an alcoholic and addicted to

Sports, arts, and drama became my escape,

gambling. In 90% of my memories of him, he is

my safe haven. I faked the best smile and put

drunk. He wasn’t aggressive towards us, but he

up the perfect front so that no one would ever

was definitely the cause of all aggression that

find out what was actually going on behind the

took place in the house. Later on, my oldest

closed doors of our “perfect, Christian home”. I

brother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and

kept absolutely everything to myself. My friends

Borderline Personality Disorder. I know, this is a

and teachers were never allowed to know that

Christian magazine and I shouldn’t say this, but I

I dreaded living. Dreaded going home. Living in

truly hated him with everything in me. I dreaded

what felt like hell every single day of my life.

going to sleep every night because I knew something would happen, it was just a matter of

Besides what was going on with the men of our

time. Every night I would lay in my bed and wait.

house, my mom had her own struggles. When

Wait for my dad to come home drunk. Wait for my

I was 10 years old my mom tried to commit

parents to get into a fight, and then ultimately,

suicide. The pressures to keep it all together and

wait for my brother to interfere. I couldn’t sleep

to be perfect simply got too heavy to carry any

without my hockey stick under my bed and my

further. I was scared. If my mom couldn’t handle

earphones in my ears – trying to drown out the

the pressure, how was I supposed to do it? So, I

shouting and the doors slamming.

took the rope from my robe and tied it around

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my neck. All of a sudden, the radio in my room

that he will not continue down this path towards

started playing some Christian song. I felt a voice

destruction. He immediately quit smoking and

telling me to open up my Bible. I can’t remember

drinking and, in the process, went from the person

exactly what scripture it was, but I assume now it

I hated the most, to my best friend. He went from

was in Nehemiah when God spoke to Him about

someone I barely spoke to, to someone who

rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. I felt God saying

laughed with me while serving at the church. He

that I need to start rebuilding my walls and give

completed 3 years of Bible school and is now the

Him a chance to work in my life. 10-year-old me

person I look up to most. Like I said – God is good.

removed the rope around my neck and just cried.

I wept for hours, and then I ran to my mom and

In 2017 I came to Jeffreys Bay to join the Victory

told her that God saved me and He said that He’s

gap year. In September that year I lost my dad

not done with me.

due to a heart attack. However, two weeks before his passing he sat in a Pastor’s office saying “I

Ever since then, I had the revelation that God

have my kids and God and that’s all I need”. He

is good, no matter what. Through the following

got saved. Perfectly saved by God’s grace – God

years and years of hell I constantly reminded

is good.

myself of that one encounter. I never doubted the goodness of God. It was set in stone that God is

You want to know the best part of the story?

good, no matter what. Unfortunately, through the

In that year of VGY we did something called

whole process, I stepped in the same trap that

‘Ancient Paths’ and for the first time ever I opened

so many believers step in: Religion. I became so

up about everything that has happened to me. At

focused on doing everything right, according to

the end of the week we got certificates with the

God, that I became judgmental and thought I was

meaning of our names written on it.

better than everyone who didn’t do the right thing.

I worked a Christian angle into every speech I

My name means “Fearless and God is good.”

ever gave in school, and every time I ran a race,

I’m constantly reminded that it was and always

I wrote Bible verses on my feet. And of course, if

will be JUST GOD that saved my family and I. This

you just dared to look at alcohol, I would judge

testimony is not to “brag” about all the bad things

you so hard (that’s what Christians do right?).

that I survived. Not at all. It’s about how good God

I was set to never ever be like my family that I

is. How he showed up every time, even when I

completely missed the whole relationship thing

didn’t notice it. He was good in every situation

with God. I just wanted to do the right thing, not

I found myself in, and He was especially good

necessarily the God thing.

the day He named me. No matter how hard the enemy tried to change my identity to a fearful girl,

But, luckily for me, God is good. In 2014 my oldest

I was named by God.

brother (yes, the drinking, smoking, Bipolar one)

FEARLESS GIRL.

got radically saved after spending a few months in a rehab centre. He walked out and decided

— Marzanne lives and works in Jeffrey’s Bay as a photographer and graphic designer. She is a member of Victory Church and serves on the production team.

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He was good in every situation I found myself in, and he was especially good the day he named me.

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YET, I STILL DARE TO HOPE WHEN I REMEMBER THIS: THE FAITHFUL LOVE OF THE LORD NEVER ENDS! HIS MERCIES NEVER CEASE. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; HIS MERCIES BEGIN AFRESH EACH MOR NING. I SAY TO MYSELF, “THE LORD IS MY INHERITANCE; THEREFORE, I WILL HOPE IN HIM!” LAMENTATIONS 3:21-24

Photography: unsplash.com

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the

OLIVIER ladies MICHELLE, RYNIE & WILMA 3 testimonies of healing & restoration after trauma

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Photography: Holistic Photography

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MICHELLE

My testimony: part 2

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life, I never thought I would have to force myself to go back to that day and face the details of the past again. Only now it was the details of the PAST and not the details of the PAIN, since all the pain has been removed.

Last year during one of my lunch breaks I received an unexpected phone call, my offender was One of the things I enjoy most about testimonies

appearing in court to be released on parole and

is the fact that God is never done with them, He is

I was given the choice if I wanted to attend the

always adding more.Last year God clearly said that

sitting. It was not even a thought that I had to think

there was a new level of healing that I didn’t know

about... Immediately in my spirit, I knew that I had

about yet. This was an interesting statement since

to go. This was an unexpected thought, since I

I believed I was completely healed and living a

didn’t feel like I had to see him again to get closure,

victorious life.

or that I had questions I wanted to ask him about what happened that day. I mean, I could walk

For those of you who don’t know my story, in 2012

straight into him at Spar and I wouldn’t know it is

during my 3rd year at varsity, I was attacked and

him. But for some reason, I knew I had to go.

raped during my morning run one holiday morning.

God saved me that day and I had an amazing

On the 24th of February this year I had the

encounter with the Godhead during the event.

opportunity, not to only be healed, but to bring

Since then, every year during that time of the year, I

healing. Even though I knew that I had to go, I was

think to myself, “How is this even possible, how can

still nervous. This was still a very uncomfortable

I be more healed and more free than the previous

situation and I did not know how I was going to

year?” Therefore, when I felt God say there is more,

react when I looked into the eyes of the man who

it did not surprise me, even though it did not make

raped me. Being an emotional person, I prayed that

sense. (You can read more about part 1 of my

God would protect my heart and emotions so that

testimony in the THIRTY-ONE: Issue 14)

I would be able to go and do what He is sending me to do. Two nights before the sitting I was having

When God completely heals, the details of our

quiet time in my room, and I saw Father God walk

pain do not matter anymore. Most of the details of

into my room and sit on my bed. My face asked

that day God removed from my memory, I could

the question and God answered before I could ask

not remember what my offender looked like, what

what He was doing there, ‘For what you are about

his name was, or the date of the event. What I can

to go through, you are going to need a Father.’ Of

remember is how I so closely experienced God’s

course, I knew I needed God to go with me, but this

presence and how I tried to share the Gospel with

made even more sense the following day when I

my offender while he was attacking me. Since God

learned that my dad was unable to go with me.

did such an amazing and complete healing in my I just want to pause my story here and say “Thank

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God for amazing spiritual fathers!”. I was blessed by an amazing spiritual father, that not only attended the sitting with me, but brought a spiritual authority and safety into the room. I’m also blessed that even though I don’t have a husband yet, my brotherin-law came along, as an incredible emotional support. God is so deeply involved in the details of our healing! I’m so blessed by people in my life that walk this incredible journey of life with me, we certainly are BETTER TOGETHER. After encountering Father God, a peace and authority came over me. The morning before the sitting I was walking on the beach worshipping and declaring “I’m gonna see a victory because the battle belongs to the Lord”. So many amazing people were praying for me and I could feel God’s enabling power come over me. I felt ready to be used by God to get a whole prison saved.

Back to the courtroom… When my attacker walked into the room, I was completely surprised by what I was feeling. I knew that God loved him as well, not any less than what He loves me, this man standing in front of me is also God’s child. I felt the Father’s heart for him, and my heart started to break for him.

I saw a boy, broken, lost and afraid. I realized that I was not the one that was broken and afraid, after the event so many years ago, but that he was. I looked at him and thought he could actually easily have been one of our Victory Gap Year students, because he was still so young. My heart broke for him, and even though it is not an excuse for what he had done, I felt sorry for him for the broken household and society he had to grow up in. He did not have anything going for his life, until then. At that moment I realized that this new level of healing that God was speaking about, had little to do with me but more to do with the healing of others that

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At that moment I realized that this new level of healing that God was speaking about, has little to do with me but more to do with the healing of others that were also affected by this same trauma event.

This healing is also for the man who raped me.

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I’ve learned that God’s healing always has a bigger picture in mind I don’t know about.

God’s healing is not just for me, but for my offender, my family, and also for you.

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were also affected by this same traumatic event.

level of healing God was talking about was not only

This healing is also for the man who raped me.

meant for me, but God working through me to bring healing to him.

Even though I had forgiven him years before, he was a prisoner. I could go on with my life, live a life

As I walked out of that prison door that day, I felt

in victory and freedom and yet, he was not just a

more victorious than ever. I blessed him on his new

prisoner in a physical jail, but a prisoner of the past.

journey as he was released on parole and starting

He shared that he was getting nightmares every

a new life. I surrendered him into God’s hands,

night and would like to be free from what he had

not thinking of the negatives of what can happen,

done. Inside I was smiling because I hadn’t had

but standing on the truth of Who God is. And let’s

one nightmare since that day. The song continued

face it, if God can put him in jail, if it was needed,

in my mind, ‘You took what the enemy meant for

God would have kept him in jail. Therefore I could

evil, and you turn it for good.’ I looked him straight

release him into God’s hands and also pray for him

in the eyes and released forgiveness over him. I

to be successful and grow in a relationship with

told him that I’d forgiven him years before, Jesus

God.

had forgiven him and it is time that he received that forgiveness and forgave himself. I shared with him

In July 2012, the Holy Spirit whispered Romans 8:28

that when you accept Jesus’ forgiveness then you

into my ear as I was calling out to God while being

are free, no matter where you find yourself. You can

raped, today that Word is more alive than ever in

be caught up in a prison cell physically but be more

my heart: ‘For I can make all things work together

free, than many people walking free outside, who

for the good to those who are called according to

have not encountered Forgiveness.

His purpose.’ When God says all things, He means ALL THINGS, even the things that I don’t think about,

I was chuckling inside when he shared that he

even the things that don’t affect me.

could not remember much of that day, but what he could remember clearly, was my preaching. I

Today I’m walking in another level of healing, God

remembered trying to share the Gospel with him

added more to my story and more to me. Not only

and telling him what he was about to do, was

do I now live a life of complete healing but also a

breaking God’s heart. Even though he continued

life with the next level of victory and authority. It

with the horrible act, he received a fear of the

is not just God’s will for me to be healed, but also

Lord that day. He shared that he connected with

to bring His healing wherever I go. I’ve learned

a prison pastor and said he wanted to ask me

that God’s healing always has a bigger picture in

for forgiveness, and that he couldn’t live like that

mind I don’t know about. God’s healing is not just

anymore. Then I knew that I did not have to go see

for me, but for my offender, my family, and also

him because I needed something out of it, I had

for you. Since God is always adding to our healing

to go because he needed to see me. I had to go

stories, I’m excited to see what God will do next and

because this freedom and healing I was walking

looking forward to sharing that with you.

in, was not only for me! Jesus did not die for me only, but also for him. I had to go because this next

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RYNIE

The sister

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type into google search “How to deal with the fact that your sister got raped”, can you? When we do a reality check though, I realise that for every woman who has an incredible story like this, like Michelle’s, there’s also an army of women (and men) who are affected by the same trauma. But we don’t talk about it. Because it’s not our story to tell.

For a very long time, I thought I would never be

But here I am today, admitting that even though it

able to share this piece of my heart with anyone.

wasn’t my trauma, it is my testimony.

Not because I didn’t know how or because I didn’t receive healing, but because I believed that I

In 2012 I was 15 years old. I was finally starting to

wasn’t allowed. You see, nothing terrible happened

get along with my two older sisters. Them being 5

to me. I wasn’t beaten or raped. I didn’t almost die.

and 6 years older than me, growing up we kept “missing” each other’s stages. We always loved

I’m just the sister of someone who was.

each other and if you ask me (my mom might disagree) we never even fought a lot, but we

I never admitted to anyone that what happened

weren’t necessarily friends. But as I grew older, we

to Michelle affected me (if you’re not familiar with

started growing closer and started doing more fun

her testimony, check it out, you definitely won’t

activities together. Michelle loved the farm where

regret it). True, it goes without saying that it’s not a

we grew up and she enjoyed being outside – horse

fun experience for the family either, but I don’t think

riding, walking, jogging, you name it. So, I tried my

we truly realise the extent to which something like

best to keep up.

this affects a family until it happens to someone you know and love. I never said anything though

Most of you know this part of the story – we went

because I thought that made me selfish. Who am I

jogging, but I couldn’t keep up, so I turned around

to struggle with this thing that actually happened to

and went home. I left her alone. What you don’t

someone else?

know, however, is that our dogs went running with us that morning, and I called them to go home with

By admitting that I was affected by it meant that I

me. When I got home my mom asked me where my

was taking someone’s time, energy and attention

sister was and I told her not to worry. “She said she’s

away from the person who actually needed it – my

going to walk back so she’s probably going to take

sister.

a while”.

I’ve read so many incredible stories and testimonies

I sat at our coffee table and ate doughnuts while

of women who’ve gone through sexual abuse and

my sister was being raped and fighting for her life.

how God restored them. Still, I think sometimes we leave the sisters, the mothers, the grannies, the

No words can explain the guilt I felt. For years I

friends, and the colleagues behind. You can’t really

believed, no, I KNEW that it was my fault that my

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sister got raped 2km from our house. If only I left the

seeing my sister at our front door with blood on her,

dogs, if I only I was a little fitter, if only I didn’t tell

feeling the guilt rush over me like a wave, sitting

my mom to not be worried. If only…

on the roof with binoculars looking for any sign of trouble, and then eventually we came to the

If only I knew that the enemy was using my pain

lie – the root of everything. An unhealed hurt. And

against me.

piece by piece God removed the lies and restored them with truths. I will never forget the picture God

I didn’t allow myself to cry in front of others about

showed me after I told him that I believed Michelle

it. I made a promise to myself that day that I would

was angry at me…

never take away time and attention from my sister ever again. I didn’t even pray about it, because

He showed me a balcony on which Michelle

God was busy helping Michelle. It wasn’t about

was standing. There were four pillars keeping the

me. I started believing a lie that I was selfish, and a

balcony steady. The pillars had writing on them and

terrible baby sister.

God zoomed in on one specific pillar. There it was.

My name. BIG AND BOLD.

Skip a few years ahead, there you find me at university with the same hurt and guilt I had when

Michelle wasn’t mad at me and I wasn’t a bad

I was 15. I hated myself and idolized my sisters.

sister. On the contrary, I was one of the pillars that

Looking up to your sisters, that’s healthy. Idolizing

were keeping her up and steady. I was not the

them? Super self-damaging. I never felt like I was

reason for the hurt, but part of the healing.

good enough for them, or for anyone as a matter of fact. I went through various phases of starving

After that day, step by step, Jesus took my hand

myself, drinking myself into a different state, falling

and helped me through MY experience of it. It was

in love with every guy that I knew I couldn’t get…

almost as if I was reliving it all over again because

the list goes on and on. All because of one lie I

it took me 5 years to allow God into my pain. And

believed: it was all my fault because I was selfish.

that didn’t make me selfish.

Years later, my dear sister Michelle booked me a

It made me strong. And it made me who I am

SOZO appointment at Victory Church. I honestly

today.

had no idea what I was getting myself into, but because Michelle said I should go, I went. It was the

I’m just the sister, but my pain and trauma are

least I could do right?

worthy of being acknowledged and worthy of being healed. It hurt me too. So God healed me too.

During my SOZO appointment I addressed Michelle’s attack for the first time from my

God doesn’t just heal the “victim”, he heals

perspective. Up until then, whenever someone

the entire family. The friends. The Facebook

asked me what happened I told the story how I

acquaintances. EVERONE affected by the trauma.

had heard her tell it. I told HER story. But that day,

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somewhere in December 2017, I told MY story. And

God can heal, and He can use it ALL for the

I told it to God. I told Him about my experience,

advancement of the Kingdom.

I’m just the sister, but my pain and trauma are worthy of being acknowledged and worthy of being healed. It hurt me too. So God healed me too.

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WILMA How does a mother support her family when going through Trauma?

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to just grab some clean clothes and take them with us. I could tell Aletia and Rynie, Michelle’s younger sisters, to phone the doctor, their dad, their grandparents and to immediately put it on Facebook, after checking with Michelle. I knew that Michelle did nothing wrong and it was not our shame, but I still wanted to honor her wishes. When I think of the things I did right, putting it out in the I sat on the floor of our living room, stretching. My

open immediately was one of the most significant.

daughters and I had been jogging, returning one by

We received so much support; not just from the

one, from the most unfit (me of course) to the fittest

Langklowers (in the area where we live) but from

(Michelle). We heard a vehicle and as I looked up

friends and family from all over the world. I have

to see who it was, there was Michelle, looking as if

often heard people say that people’s prayers

she’d been in a fight, crying out, “Mommy, I have

carried them through a difficult time, but now I

been raped.”

experienced it for myself. That Sunday morning we had friends and family from all over South

That moment is forever scorched into my mind. No

Africa, Namibia, Botswana, the USA, Canada,

passing of time, no forgiveness, no healing can

England, and France letting us know that they and

delete it. And even today, it will come back and

their congregations were praying for us. I literally

haunt me at the most unsuspected moments. But

experienced how these prayers were lifting me up

it does not determine my actions, nor my road to

and carrying me through those days.

recovery and victory.

That Friday on our way to the police station, I I am not the cool-headed, everything under control

prayed out loud as I was driving that God should

type of mother. I am the shrieking, forgetful, typical

have mercy on us, helping us to use this terrible

youngest child type of mother. I am the “Who wants

thing to grow closer to Him and to one another.

the wonderful opportunity to prepare dinner for us”

I also asked God to use this incident to make

type of mother. The “Right girls, it’s happy hour time.

Michelle an even stronger testimony for Him. During

In an hour’s time, this house must be shining.”

the hours spent at the police station, I held her close to me, comforting her as much as I could, telling

But God can use any type of mother. And I am

her that she is beautiful. Kissing her on her forehead

grateful that he equipped me to help my family

and hair, even though she was reeking of her

through this difficult time. (Even though I mad a few

perpetrator.

mistakes too) I would love to share what God has taught me as a mother through this experience.

That evening when we came home, Michelle being physically and emotionally exhausted, the sisters

I am grateful that my years as a life orientation

joined in and we all bathed Michelle together. This

teacher prepared me in some way to handle

might sound strange, even awkward, but we just

the situation. I could tell Michelle not to wash,

wanted her to feel like the princess she is, so we

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tended to her as lovingly as we could. The sisters

getting Michelle through it, that none of us realised

washed her hair, her back and her feet. I took care

that we were heading down the wrong road as far

of the bruised body as gently as I could. It is as if we

as our own emotional and spiritual healing was

all just instinctively knew that we had to affirm her

concerned. The led to all sorts of problems through

value as a beautiful woman of God.

the years to come. So, adding to the guilt I felt about the attack (which real mother would sit and

The next two weeks every minute of my time, every

do stretches, not knowing that her daughter is being

drop of energy, every bit of love was focused on

raped a stone’s throw away?) I also started blaming

Michelle. My husband slept in her bed and she slept

myself for neglecting my other two daughters.

with me so that I could take care of her every need.

She would lie awake at night and then I would read

Something else I blamed myself for, was leaving

to her from the Bible or all the messages of hope

my precious mother, who’s a faithful prayer warrior,

and encouragement that people had sent. I think

alone in the car outside the police station, because

the one thing I did, that only a loving mother can

I was too scared to leave Michelle by herself. I

do, was in the immediate hours after the attack

know a lot of my mom’s trauma is related to the fact

while awaiting the police and hospital, was to

that she sat alone in the car for almost three hours.

comfort, love and affirm. I constantly reminded her that she had done nothing wrong, that she was

As I sat with Michelle giving her statement to the

going to be okay. That we shall make it through this

police officer, I relived every moment as she related

together. That God will never let us down.

it. The detail was so vivid, that it led to one of the biggest problems for me on my road to healing – I

Unfortunately, I also made quite a few mistakes.

could not travel on the farm road without thinking,

I did not take care of my own needs nor those of

“This is where she saw him for the first time, this is

the two sisters. I think men handle these things in a

where he dragged her out of the road” etc. I think

different manner. The fact that my husband and 5

it was after about two years that I got to the point

other men hunted the attacker down for the entire

that I could drive to the R62 and then realise that I

weekend across the Kouga mountains, bringing him

did not think of the attack while I was on the farm

in late that Sunday afternoon, gave my husband

road. But of course, then I still thought of it, even if it

the opportunity to channel his feelings and sweat

was on the R62. Now it is only very seldomly when

it out in the mountains with the rest of the posse.

I am emotionally depleted or like when we went

I can imagine the accompanying “man talk”

to the attacker’s parole hearing, that my thoughts

also doing its bit of good. But for us girls, it was a

involuntarily drift back there.

different story. The two sisters were giving Michelle

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the perfect support – managing every-one’s

I can truly say that we as a family do not have a

cell phones, serving gallons of coffee, tea and

victim mentality. Michelle’s attack has not become

cooldrink to everyone who came to offer support,

“the thing” that defines our family. Of course, we

never claiming any time, attention, or comfort

are constantly becoming more and more whole,

for themselves. It was much later that I realised

even when we do not realise that we need more

that this was not good. We were all so focused on

healing. I am very proud of my family. Not one of us

So, adding to the guilt I felt about the attack...

I also started blaming myself for neglecting my other two daughters.

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once blamed anyone (but ourselves). Not one of us questioned God. This is what I’ve learned as a mother dealing with trauma in the family: • Try to stay calm, Holy Spirit will remind you and help you to think about what your family’s immediate needs are and how to take care of them the best way you can. Remember Holy Spirit will give you insight and wisdom in how to handle the situation, you are not on your own.

• Honor your child’s wishes, even though you know the truth and know better. You want your family member to feel you are a safe space for them and that you are there to support them and take care of their needs.

• Community is crucial. Just because you are the mother doesn’t mean you need to have everything under control and that you need to do everything yourself. You need people to help you and your family. You need people to cover you in prayer and the neighborhood or friend that pitches up at your front door with a meal.

• In times of trauma, the enemy wants to come and steal the truth, it is so important that you as a mother who knows the truth, stand on the truth and affirm your child. Hold onto God’s Word, remind your child of it, speak and pray the Word of God over them.

• Take care of the immediate physical needs, yes of course you’ll pray for your child, but don’t try and explain spiritual things when your child is trying to just make it through the day. The day to deal with the trauma on a spiritual level will come at the right time.

• Don’t forget about the rest of the family. It is important to remember that when one family member goes through a ttraumatic event, it’s

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Community is crucial. Just because you are the mother doesn’t mean you need to have everything under control and that you need to do everything yourself.

traumatic for the whole family. Check-in with

meant for destruction as a connection point to

each family member. Each family member

testify about God’s goodness and healing. At

experiences the trauma differently and each

school, it creates openness between me and the

member of the family needs to get their own

learners when they realise that my family has also

personal healing. Acknowledge the fact that it is

been through a terrible experience and that I

difficult for each member and that each person

understand their pain. We have so many girls (and

is allowed to feel the trauma even though it did

boys) going through this type of experience who

not happen to them directly. Sometimes the

has no-one to talk to. I am thankful that God can

members of the family struggle more to work

use me in this manner to make a difference. We

through the trauma than the person that was

love God, we seek Him more and more. We want

affected by it directly, therefore it is so important

nothing more than to live to His glory.

to acknowledge the effect of the trauma on the whole family.

• Remember yourself. Self-care is crucial. You

God has restored my family, and He can certainly do the same for your family. Even though I’m not

can’t take care of your family if you are not okay.

a perfect mother, God is perfect in His healing. He

Acknowledge the fact that this is incredibly hard

certainly can make all things work together for the

for you as well and that you need to get your

good if we allow Him and trust Him with our hurt and

input and outlet somewhere else outside of your

trauma.

family setting. That is why it is so important to get plugged into mentoring and community before

—

you go through a difficult time.

The Olivier ladies are from Joubertina, South Africa. With

• Don’t blame yourself, God or anyone else. Ask God to show you the real enemy. Remind your husband and the rest of your family that this was

Rynie and Michelle living and working in Jeffrey’s Bay. Michelle is a pastor at Victory Church and Rynie is a copywriter and along with her husband she oversees the Victory Gap Year girls house.

not their fault and help them understand who the real enemy to blame is.

• Hold onto God and His Word. When you constantly renew your mind on God’s truth, it stirs hope in your heart for your family. Remember it is not your responsibility to heal your family, only God can do that. Your responsibility as a mother and a wife is to pray for your family and guide them to Jesus’ healing love.

I am grateful to God that, by His grace, we could grow past this trauma and make it part of every family member’s testimony. We were all affected differently, but we can all testify to the goodness of God. We are now able to use what the enemy

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AND WE KNOW THAT IN ALL THINGS GOD WORKS FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM, WHO HAVE BEEN CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. ROMANS 8:28

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Photography: unsplash.com

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JUDY hope, joy and discipline SCHELLINGERHOUT 31

like reading 21 books, trying out 21 new recipes, decluttering 21 spaces in my home, 21 sugar-free days, 21 days of rephrasing my responses etc. It required some planning but it was all “box tickable”. I remember thinking to myself that it might be a bit too easy to really stretch my discipline, but God knew exactly what he had in store for me. I committed to this process exactly a week before finding out that by July 2021 a new-born baby would enter our lives.

Before we continue, I just have to take a quick sidestep with this story. We were told to close the chapter on having a third baby. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, stage 4 endometriosis, and at the time I In October 2020, God waved three words at me -

was almost 40 with only one fallopian tube left. I

almost like a dentist’s hand, right up in my face.

had suffered from a CEP/abdominal pregnancy on my colon and a previous miscarriage. I had made

HOPE, JOY AND DISCIPLINE.

total peace with these facts, but God’s timing and His way had a different idea and we were blessed with a laatlammetjie. It weighs heavy on my heart that so many others are struggling to conceive, but God encouraged me to encourage you to entrust your timeline and your season to Him and His bigger

Three essentials for all seasons in life, but I knew

picture.

they were being waved at me specifically because all three had come under attack in recent times.

Okay, back to the story.

Most people would get excited about hope and joy, and be less enthusiastic about discipline. However,

Just days before finding out we were expecting

for me, it was the exact opposite. I can give you

a celebration baby, I told my husband, DC, who

a pretty paragraph on how I feel the Lord started

was concerned that my twelve 21’s would be too

directing my steps in discipline, but hope and joy is

much, that there’s no time more perfect for my

a bit more puzzle-ish.

21’s than 2021. We don’t have new-borns, toddlers or teenagers. We’re in the honeymoon phase of

I know how to work on discipline. In fact, God gave

parenting! Well, then I found out I was expecting

me a specific idea:

and I starting doubting if it would be too much

Twelve sets of 21’s for 2021. I immediately started

too. I prayed about it and realised that it was still

making my list of twelve 21’s. It included things

the perfect time, even though God turned it up

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a notch by adding a baby to the mix! These 21’s

question. One day a friend reminded me that Jesus

are not about seeing how quickly I can hamster-

too, was misunderstood. He knew loss and rejection.

roll through them. In fact, it’s the exact opposite.

Trials are inevitable and thankfully there was a

They’re constructive ways to peacefully keep my

foundation of hope and joy already laid in me. I like

focus in healthy places and to practice discipline.

to describe this as my maintenance season.

Being committed to the process is rooting new levels of discipline in me. I’m experiencing how

My boys are forever planting new little seeds with

the fruit of discipline is rest and that this rest is a

a lot of success. I don’t have patience, so I always

nurturing embrace for cultivating better habits and

buy baby plants that just need repotting. Almost

stewardship.

100% of the time though, their seeds make it into strong, fruitful plants that withstand the heat and

When it comes to hope and joy however, you need

windy weather of the Eastern Cape - while my

to pull and war a lot more to hold onto the word.

baby plants are normally dead within 3 weeks of repotting. In this maintenance season of mine,

A bouncy ball bounces back, but it needs the right

I realised that I was busy trying to do the exact

surface to be able to do so. God, with His father-

same thing: I was trying to shortcut the process of

heart-kindness used the bottom of the rock-hard

building on my foundation of deeply rooted hope

pit I was in (details in issue 15) to be this surface I

and joy. My whole being felt bulldozed over but I

can bounce back from. But on my way bouncing

quickly identified that I was allowing the enemy to

back, I wasn’t expecting resistance. I thought this

deplete me, when in fact he is the one with limited

was my well-deserved turn for an easier season

resources, not my God!

after the series of losses and trauma my family and I had been through. Hope started rising in me

It’s a harsh reality when there’s nothing left that

that it was safe to start experiencing joy again. I

you can do to fix something, especially when it’s

didn’t feel like I needed to be on constant guard

in your nature to be a fixer. But we know that we

anymore, waiting for the next crisis to knock on

fight against principalities, the powers of darkness

my door. It took a lot of work to actually get to that

and that we have been empowered to rise up

place in my heart and I had to invest a lot of time

and destroy strongholds. I knew I couldn’t stand

and energy into healing. So, I was quite surprised

for brokenness being my final destination! That’s

when resistance did show up.

when God began blocking my earthly perspective with the dentist’s hand in my face, and hope and

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The drought and all the circumstances around it,

joy began rising in my heart from underneath the

hit us hard - in more than one way. God warned

ground where this seed could achieve its greatest

us about it in quite a few dreams, but with the

expression! He started uncovering truths to me

unexpected around every corner, feelings of doubt

that the enemy had made me forget. The truth that

and worry still rise. I was at a loss for answers. I

joy expands my capacity and that is why it came

felt misunderstood and my character came into

under attack in the first place. The truth that God is

I was trying to shortcut the process of building on my foundation of deeply rooted hope and joy.

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His love breaks lies so that we get to hold onto His hope and His joy, knowing that His plan for reconciliation and restoration is already in place.

35

a restorer and that therefore I have the heart of a

I’m the girl who needs to find the purpose in my

restorer in me. The truth that He is El Roi - the God

suffering as promised in James 1. That doesn’t

who sees me! And in this fractured place I felt the

always mean finding the purpose straight away, but

security of His love and healing.

I cannot live without that hope and joy. There’s a

His love breaks lies so that we get to hold onto

powerful quote that says, “I have learned to kiss the

His hope and His joy, knowing that His plan for

waves that throw me against the Rock of ages.”

reconciliation and restoration is already in place.

My #makeitbeautiful and #beautifultrauma is rooted

His truth gets to dictate my prayers, not my doubts

in the hope that His word speaks of. My bad seasons

and not the hope I have placed in people or in

are not authored by the enemy, (nor God) we just

outcomes. Nothing earthly can hold my hope! He

live in a broken world, but as people of God we get

gives me the courage I need (Josh 1:9) and our

to taste and see that all seasons are purposeful!

hope in Him will not put us to shame (Rom 5).

We have to believe that our stories have value, There are moments that still overwhelm me but then

we have to be willing to break through barriers,

I remember that there is a song that speaks of being

strongholds and principalities, with our hope and joy

able to feel my feelings without leaning on them, so

set in Him. If not for us, then for the next generation!

then I put on my armour and remember the choice

With that in mind, I endeavour to continue building

before me:

on this foundation no matter what my circumstances

I can choose to suffer alone, to see only the pain,

look like, because I know we are called to keep our

and pick up the lies, accusations and offenses the

eyes fixed on heaven!

enemy lays before me, or I can look for the beauty, the miracles, the promises and be fed with His daily

—

bread. This time was no different than the first time

Judy and her family live and farm in Patensie, South

I had to make this choice, but that’s part of the

Africa. She is part of me2 Mentoring at Victory Church

essence of Psalm 84.

“How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord, even when their paths wind through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain. He gives to them a brook of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring!”

I recently saw this trend on social media where people are calling others out for putting ribbons on everything hard in life to make it look pretty, or to give everything bad a silver lining. Unfortunately, I cannot get onto that bandwagon!

36

“HOW ENRICHED ARE THEY WHO FIND THEIR STRENGTH IN THE LORD, EVEN WHEN THEIR PATHS WIND THROUGH THE DARK VALLEY OF TEARS, THEY DIG DEEP TO FIND A PLEASANT POOL WHERE OTHERS FIND ONLY PAIN. HE GIVES TO THEM A BROOK OF BLESSING FILLED FROM THE RAIN OF AN OUTPOURING!” PSALM 84

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Photography: unsplash.com

38

KARA NOTHNAGEL 39

THERE IS SPACE FOR YOU HERE On 13th March 2020, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. This much wanted surprise came just as the world was truly waking up to the Covid-19 pandemic. At the time I found out we were pregnant; my husband, Christian, was away in Trinidad visiting family. A good friend happened to be visiting me and I confided in her about my suspicions, at which point we jumped in the car, bought a test, I took it and there was the word: ‘Pregnant’! A few days later Christian arrived home.

I boxed up the positive test along with a beautiful onesie and tied it all together with a satin bow. I will never forget the look of pure surprise and joy when he opened the box! We were finally going to have another baby and it was wonderful. We told a few trusted friends who were over the moon and they, like us, began dreaming about this new person, who was still physically forming but was very much present. On Friday 20 March 2020 the UK lockdown was just days away. We went to bed that night, feeling the weight of what was happening in the world, but also excited at the new life we had been blessed with.

I awoke the next morning feeling as though I has been wrestling all night. I went to the bathroom and was met with a sharp cramping pain which caused me to fall to the floor and very quickly I saw and realised that something was wrong. I gathered myself and quickly ran downstairs to Christian and said, “I’m bleeding.” We sat there holding one another and prayed “God, please don’t let us lose this baby”.

Due to the pandemic the hospital advised me to stay in bed and that they would see me in a couple of days. I was told if I was losing the pregnancy there was nothing I could do. We reached out to friends to pray, and I was flooded with stories of people who had bled but their babies had survived, because God had “come through” for them and so I lay in my bed clinging on in faith that our story would be like theirs. I remember hearing in my spirit “let prayer do the heavy lifting” and so I did. I lay there, while I knew our people were praying. Secondly, I heard “It’s not your fault” and I quickly typed it out and made it the screen saver on my phone.

I waited at home for three exhausting days, and then we went to the hospital, had a scan, and sat in a room where we heard the words “There is no sign of life, or anything, so we are sorry to confirm this has been a miscarriage.” I turned to the nurse and all I could say was “Ok, thank you.” In that moment, I felt as though everything in me was screaming and yet I had somehow fallen into a vacuum of silence. Our baby was no longer here with us, and we wouldn’t get to meet them on this side of eternity. In that horrible walk through the hospital, back to the car and the drive home, grace multiplied, and peace mounted up garrison over my heart and mind, carrying away anything that wasn’t God’s voice.

Lockdown meant we didn’t have to face the kind of people I dreaded facing - those who want the gossip, those who are insensitive, those who make it about them; but we were also cut off from our real support system. However, even though we couldn’t physically see people, when I look back, I realise one of the main signs of God’s love for us has been people who dedicated themselves

40

to being “the word made flesh” to us. Friends

wasn’t as bad as…” or “but it’s very common”, “but

who didn’t let themselves off the hook by giving

you’ll eventually be fine”, “but it’s been a couple

us a few curt, cute, cliche Christian answers, but

of months now”. The truth is, when your heart is

instead, got down to my level, in the brokenness

broken and you have lost something precious,

and hurt and said, “I’m not leaving you.” Friends

there is no “but” or “at least” that matters.

who went to war in prayer for my mind, friends who messaged faithfully on the monthly anniversary of

The pain of loss has been almost unbearable at

the loss, friends who asked questions and friends

times. I have held back telling my story because,

who, once restrictions were lifted, looked after

unlike my pregnancy test, there is so much I can’t

our children, or took us away with them so we

tie up in a nice ‘Christian-ese’ satin bow for you.

could have help and come up for air. Friends who

I’m not grateful this happened, and I wouldn’t

understood the cost, sacrifice and privilege of what

want to walk through it again, but God has crafted

it means to BE the body and bear one another’s

beauty where there were ashes and entrusted us

burdens.

with a costly story, I believe will be balm for the wounds of others.

The vision of Me2 Mentoring, of which I am a part, is “being transformed through relationship with

Friend, I can confidently say, I experienced the

God and one another”. I believe we have a story

peace of God that surpasses understanding every

of healing, because of how God used the ‘one

step of the way. He didn’t snap His fingers and

another’ to love us back to life.

make everything go away, but He tenderly sat with me in the pain and walked through it with me. He

This past year, I have wrestled. I’ve wrestled with

remained true, constant, present, and near.

trying to reconcile the sovereignty of God, the

There were nights when I would tuck my two

goodness of God and the disappointment I was

children into bed and they would ask me to sing

experiencing. I have wrestled with that deep sense

their favourite worship songs like “The Goodness

of “Why? Why ask me to carry this?” I wrestled

of God” and “Through it all” or “Way Maker”

with the desperation of just wanting the pain to

and I would sit there in the dark and sing “I love

go away. I have wrestled with anxiety and panic

you Lord, you have led me through the fire. In

that at times made me feel insane. I have wrestled

darkest nights you are close like no other.” In

with not feeling like a “good Christian” or “good

those moments I would feel arms around me

leader” for feeling all those things.

holding together the pieces of my broken heart.

Worshipping in the midst of sorrow is so costly but I

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So often I thought “I shouldn’t feel like this. I know

know Jesus met me there and I experienced, once

the Word, I know God is good and I should just

again, the power of raising my hallelujah “louder

be OK and get over it” and when I couldn’t, I felt

than the unbelief”. I would feel hope anchor

like a failure. There was also the “at least” and

my soul. I would sing through my tears “You are

“but” brigade. “At least you have two children”,

peace to a restless soul, Peace when my thoughts

“at least you weren’t further along”, “at least it

wage war, Peace to the anxious heart, that’s who

I believe we have a story of healing, because of how God used the ‘one another’ to love us back to life.

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You are, that’s who You are. You are peace when

resurrection life to be found in Christ. My story

my fear takes hold, Peace when I feel enclosed,

isn’t that God “came through” by stopping the

Peace when I lose control, that’s who You are,

miscarriage. My story is, I had a miscarriage, I

that’s who You are”.

walked through the valley of the shadow of death, but as promised, He was with me, He didn’t leave

I have never been so grateful for Jesus and for

me, and He has restored my soul. I talk to Jesus

what He did when he died on the cross and rose

about our third baby often. I still say to Him “I don’t

again; reconciling man to God so that we can

understand why they couldn’t be here with me.

be found in Him and one day enter that eternal

I miss them so much. But I am so happy I know

place of hope with Him. Knowing that when I

where they are, I’m grateful they are safe and

enter eternity, I will get to hold my child and see

loved and I’m so excited to come and join you

their face fills me such joy and hope that it makes

one day.”

my chest ache and my eyes stream. I laugh as I imagine the friends who are already there, playing

Telling this story is hard. But then I picture the one

with our child, dancing, and laughing and cheering

woman, sitting on her bathroom floor crying out

us on as we continue to run our race here. I have

for peace and answers, feeling completely alone

learned once again that understanding is not the

and unseen - she is my why. If that is you, know I’m

pathway to peace and that you can laugh and

telling my story for you. I’m saying, “I’m here, I see

have joy, while being full of grief and lament. I can

you, I have been and, in some way, will always be,

assure you that even in my darkest moments, God

you.” Believe me when I say, “You’re not broken,

was there, and He used every channel possible to

you will rise again, but until then, there is space for

get me the help I needed. He was my ever-present

your grieving here.”

help in my time of need. He was patient and loving in allowing me to question and be afraid. He

If you’re suffering in silence, I pray that you draw

didn’t demand me to change, He didn’t turn me

close to the Father and let Him love you back to

away. He cradled me in my most raw and naked

life. I pray that you will join me in the declaration

moments and simply said “I’m here” and as He

we find in Lamentations 3: 21-24 “Yet, I still dare

did, He would turn the bathroom floor I was laying

to hope when I remember this: The faithful love

on into holy ground. Isaiah 57:15 says, “I live in the

of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.

high and holy places, but also with the low-spirited,

Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh

the spirit-crushed, and what I do is put new spirit in

each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my

them, get them up and on their feet again.” God

inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!”

faithfully got me up on my feet every time.

— On what would have been our baby’s due date, I knew I had to release what had gone before and make peace with the fact that life was different and I was now different, but different is not bad.

Kara and her family live and work in London. She is a writer, mentor and business owner. They are members of London Network Church, often seen preaching and leading worship.

And on the other side of every death there is

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A NEW EDITION Dear Friend,

the nighttime, Jesus was talking to me about the baby He is giving us and that everything is going

I wrote the testimony you have just read at the

to be ok”. 6 weeks later when we shared the news

beginning of March and as I was writing I felt the

with our children Zoë cried “happy tears” and said,

Holy Spirit whisper that the timing was significant.

“I told you Jesus said He was giving us a baby, and God doesn’t lie!”.

Over the next couple of weeks, a very familiar feeling began to settle over me. Tiredness,

It is now June, and I am 17 weeks along and we

nausea and cravings for salt and vinegar crisps!

are so grateful! But it feels important to say, the

I took a pregnancy test and the words appeared

peace I feel is in spite of this new baby coming,

‘Pregnant’! As we went to bed, I prayed that God

not because of it. Peace and restoration came

would keep my heart steady and my mind fixed

long before the positive pregnancy test. But we

on Him and that fear would have no place in this

celebrate and rejoice over this incredible gift, over

journey. The next morning, our daughter Zoë came

the miracle of life and of the faithfulness of God in

up to me, rubbed my tummy and said “Mama, in

and through every season!

With all my love, Kara x

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Photography: Pinterest

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WEAR

BY INGE BURGER

THE MAXI If you invest in one new piece this season, let it be a longsleeved maxi dress. Flattering and wearable for almost any occasion & season. Endlessly versatile, a long sleeved midi/ maxi dress can be dressed up or down with a quick change of shoes and accessories.

There are so many ways you can style your long - sleeved maxi dress - simply team yours with a jacket and a classic pair of white sneakers or boots for a more casual look. You could even throw on a chunky knit for a more layered look in winter or pop on a dainty pair of sandals and a pretty headband for a more feminine look.

The long-sleeved maxi dress is perfect for any season, it’s especially a great transitional piece in between the seasons. We’re definitely spoiled for choice these days with so many different options to choose from with hundreds of different prints and styles available and in every price range, you will definitely find your perfect dress.

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S A LT E D C H O C O L AT E TA R T

EAT

Since we started making this tart, we’ve had so

B Y A N N E G A L LO WAY

many requests for it. It looks elegant and tastes amazing! Nigella’s done it again!

INGREDIENTS: FOR THE BASE

•

60 ml full fat milk

•

28 oreo cookies (2 x154 g packets)

•

500 ml thick cream

•

50 g dark chocolate (min.70% cocoa solids)

•

50 g cocoa (sieved)

•

50 g soft unsalted butter

•

75 g caster sugar

•

2.5 ml smoked sea salt flakes

•

5 ml vanilla paste (or extract)

FOR THE FILLING

•

10 ml extra virgin olive oil

•

100g dark chocolate (min.70% cocoa solids)

•

4 ml smoked sea salt flakes

•

25 g cornflour

METHOD: FOR THE BASE 1.

Snap the biscuits into pieces and drop them into the bowl of a food processor. Do likewise with the chocolate, then blitz them together until you have crumbs. Add the butter and salt, and blitz again until the mixture starts to clump together. If you’re doing this by hand, bash the biscuits in a freezer bag until they form crumbs, finely chop the chocolate and melt the butter, then mix everything, along with the salt, in a large bowl with a wooden spoon or your hands encased in disposable vinyl gloves.

2.

Press into your tart tin and pat down on the bottom and up the sides of the tin with your hands or the back of a spoon, so that the base and sides are evenly lined and smooth. Put into the fridge to chill and harden for at least 1 hour, or 2 hours if your fridge is stacked. I wouldn’t keep it for longer than a day like this as the Oreo crust tends to get too crumbly.

FOR THE FILLING 3.

Finely chop the chocolate. Put the cornflour into a cup and whisk in the milk until smooth.

4.

Pour the cream into a heavy-based saucepan into which all the ingredients can fit and be stirred without splashing out of the pan, then add the finely chopped rubble of chocolate, the sieved cocoa, sugar, vanilla, olive oil and salt. Place over a medium to low heat and whisk gently – I use a very small whisk for this, as I’m not aiming to get air in the mixture, I’m just trying to banish any lumpiness – as the cream heats and the chocolate starts melting.

5.

Off the heat, whisk in the cornflour and milk mixture until it, too, is smoothly incorporated, and put the pan back on a low heat. With a wooden spoon, keep stirring until the mixture thickens, which it will do around the 10-minute mark, but be prepared for it to take a few minutes more or less. Take the pan off the heat every so often, still stirring, so that everything melds together, without the cream coming to a boil. When ready, it should be thick enough to coat the back of a wooden spoon, and if you run your finger through it (across the back of the spoon) the line should stay.

6.

Pour into a wide measuring jug or batter jug (it should come to about the 600ml). Now run a piece of baking parchment or greaseproof paper under the cold tap, wring it out and place the damp, crumpled piece right on top of the chocolate mixture, then put the jug into the fridge for 15 minutes.

The mixture will still be warm, but will be the right temperature to ooze into the base without melting it.

7.

Pour and scrape the mixture into the biscuit-lined flan tin and put back in the fridge overnight. Don’t leave it longer than 24 hours, as the base will start to soften.

8.

Take out of the fridge for 10 minutes before serving, but unmould straight away. Sit the flan tin on top of a large tin or jar and let the ring part fall away, then transfer the dramatically revealed tart to a plate or board. Leave the tin base on.

9.

Slice modestly – this is rich and sweet, and people can always come back for more – and serve with freshly whipped cream. Keeps in fridge for 4-5 days photo and recipe from nigella.com Photography: unsplash.com

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