Hi there friend
This edition of 31: the digital magazine you’re holding in your hands, is once again filled with powerful testimonies of a God that hears the cries of His people and intervenes.
It reminds us of the book of Exodus, where we meet up with the Israelites that found themselves in a very similar, precarious position. After 400 years in Egypt, the instrument of their initial salvation became a place of slavery.
Exodus 1:8-14,22 NASBS
Now a new king arose over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. [9] He said to his people, “Behold, the people of the sons of Israel are more and mightier than we. [10] Come, let us deal wisely with them, or else they will multiply, and in the event of war, they will also join themselves to those who hate us, and fight against us and depart from the land.” [11] So they appointed taskmasters over them to afflict them with hard labor. And they built for Pharaoh storage cities, Pithom and Raamses. [12] But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and the more they spread out, so that they were in dread of the sons of Israel. [13] The Egyptians compelled the sons of Israel to labor rigorously; [14] and they made their lives bitter with hard labor in mortar and bricks and at all kinds of labor in the field, all their labors which they rigorously imposed on them.
[22] Then Pharaoh commanded all his people, saying, “Every son who is born you are to cast into the Nile, and every daughter you are to keep alive.”
Amid this impossible situation, the Israelites cried out to God in their slavery.
Exodus 2:24-25 NIV
God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. [25] So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.
I don’t know about you, but that comforts my heart. God is not impartial and unaffected by what causes me pain, it moves Him and He intervenes...
But can you imagine being a woman at such a time in history?
Let’s meet Jochebed.
Numbers 26:59 NASBS
The name of Amram’s wife was Jochebed, the daughter of Levi, who was born to Levi in Egypt; and she bore to Amram: Aaron and Moses and their sister Miriam.
Backstory:
Jochebed was born into slavery. She grew up in a culture of injustice, discrimination, poverty and fear, yet she had faith in God for her family’s future. Her name, Jochebed, means Jehovah is Glory. She came from the tribe of Levi (set apart as priests); she knew her God and looked to Him to change the trajectory of her/their lives from bondage to freedom!
During these perilous times, Jochebed and Amram
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When Father brings His insight and perspective, He changes our hopelessness to a hopefilled future and outcome.
raised three children that played significant roles in leading a nation to freedom.
They gave their kids interesting names: Miriam, meaning rebellion, she rebelled against the idol-saturated culture of Egypt, leading a nation into prophetic worship of the Most High, Aaron meaning bringer of light; he headed up the priesthood and brought illumination and revelation by using his ‘smooth tongue‘ (oratory gifting), as for Moses, meaning; drawn out of the water, he rescued God’s people and led them through the wilderness until God’s image and ways became clearer than that of the idols they grew used to in Egypt.
My friend, God desires that we raise children that will confront the values and customs of the day and establish a Kingdom culture.
As bold women of strength and courage, we may acknowledge the darkness of the times yet simultaneously refuse to submit to the enemy’s intimidation.
For you and me, just like for Jochebed, not succumbing to fear and the negative report of the day requires faith in God, hearing His voice and accurate obedience.
Hebrews 11:23 NASBS
By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.
We, too, can identify and partner with God’s dream for our children by keeping them safe from the enemy’s influence until God says it’s time to let them go.
Jochebed used what was at her disposal to launch her child into his destiny. We may have more sophisticated means, but like Jochebed, we must be strategic with our kids.
The Nile was the most dreaded place for any Israelite baby boy, as was Pharaoh’s palace, yet God used both to align and train Moses for His Kingdom’s redemptive purpose, to lead a nation out of slavery into their promised land.
We live in extraordinary days in an ever-changing world where our only security is that we are His people and that we have the incredible personal relational privilege of hearing His Voice and living in close proximity to the One who holds the whole world in His hands.
We are His daughters, and He is our Heavenly Father.
When Father brings His insight and perspective, He changes our hopelessness to a hope-filled future and outcome.
Let’s continue to be the women who know their God, united in Him and His strength and do exploits in His Kingdom that brings glory to Jehovah!
With love, Edna
Moses’ parents discerned that God had a destiny for their son, and were willing to take risks and do whatever it takes to keep him safe.
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LIVING IN OBEDIENCE
PULENG MAMABOLO
It was over a decade ago when my husband and I had heeded the call to be in full-time ministry as a couple. In our conversation preceding our transition from life as we knew it, the big question was, “Why do we do what we do?”
The answer we both wholeheartedly embraced was, we do what we do out of obedience unto the Lord. I had no idea what I was signing up for, despite being in ministry previously as a single person. Perhaps I thought my previous experiences had adequately prepared me for what would come because my wilful surrender was out of pure ignorance yet in complete reverence for Father. And, honestly, with the hope that it won’t get as difficult as it did, now that I had a companion.
Leaving the “successful” life and the exciting prospects thereof was an initiation into the many unexpected turns and uncertainties of ministry. It was hard leaving home - family, friends, community, and our everyday familiar life into the world of the unknown. We went believing that this was what God had been calling us to for two years, and with trembling hearts but showing
brave and excited faces, we left home in Pretoria to the Eastern Cape, South Africa.
We joined our first organisation as a newly married couple in our second year of matrimony surrounded by almost all strangers. Still, our hearts were at peace though our minds were flooded with a gazillion questions and uncertainties of great proportions.
At the halfway mark of the second year of commitment to the particular organisation, we started praying for direction - whether to continue with the same organisation or whether God had something different.
There came a pattern of submission and surrender, aligning us with the Word we received initially, living in obedience to God. Almost every second or third year in ministry, we are brought to our knees seeking God’s will and way... “Should we stay, or do You have something else planned, Lord?”.
Can I say I am change-reluctant by design? I have enjoyed the same things for a long time and prefer an undisrupted routine and a predictable way of
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life. I love having the same people be part of my life forever. Yet, this life of obedience is completely the opposite of all that. So, whenever we seek God’s face for where to or what to next, it isn’t what I want, to be honest. It is always a time of great tension in my heart and doesn’t make sense to my human brain. The question in my tantrumthrowing moment would be, “Lord, why did You make me this way when You knew You were going to require this kind of life of me?”.
In His gentle yet firm voice, He responds, “Because I am God and sovereign. I have a plan and purpose for your life. Will you trust me, Puleng?”.
The move we recently made is the sixth in our thirteen-year marriage. With this latest move, we were yet again swept from Jeffreys Bay into literally the middle of nowhere, Middelburg (no pun intended), still in South Africa in the very same province.
However, I should admit, I was so tired of moving that even with obvious direction and confirmations, I still wanted to talk to a couple of people besides
my husband to be “completely sure” it was from the Lord, with the hopes that there would be a different voice.
But God doesn’t disappoint, hey? One of my mentors said, “You shouldn’t even be asking about this; surely it’s clear what the Lord is saying to you?”
Living in obedience isn’t easy, but definitely worth all the struggle and pain one goes through because this life I live is not my own but His.
Eventually, after God’s response in each instance, I would say, “Your will, not mine, and Your way always. May Your perfect will, not the permissive one, be done in and through my life,” with tears flooding my cheeks, yet another yielding moment reminding me that He is my Father and Lord, and I am His child and servant in His kingdom.
My life is not what I would have imagined - it’s so much more because of God’s call on our lives.
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In His gentle yet firm voice, He responds, “Because I am God and sovereign. I have a plan and purpose for your life. Will you trust me, Puleng?”.
ROOI
GROWING UP, LIKE ALL PEOPLE, I GUESS, I YEARNED FOR ONE THING—THE FATHER’S LOVE. I was given up by my biological family and adopted by amazing parents.
Thinking back, I tolerated many unusual things in my life without realising that there were patterns or that it was unusual. I had extreme fear since I can remember. I was targeted by more than a handful of sexual predators before and after encountering Jesus. I was molested for the first time while I was in primary school, and I never told on him. I struggled with people-pleasing from a young age - it is uncanny how obedient I was. Even to the point of hurting myselfaccepting bullying etc.
Forgetfulness has been a persistent challenge that has resulted in missed opportunities and the inability to confront past hurts. I also had frequent flashes of violent scenes in my imagination - something being done to me or me doing something violent and unthinkable. These images would pop up in my head for years and became worse as I had kids of my own.
After a three-week holiday in grade 5, on the first night home, I was overwhelmed with fear and experienced my first, what I now know as a panic attack. My vision would shake continually, and I felt a presence around me. It became so bad that every night was a battle. I couldn’t sleep over with friends anymore, and I couldn’t read the prescribed school books. My parents eventually took me to the doctor, then the specialist. After running multiple tests, they couldn’t explain it, so they gave me epilepsy medicine to give me something. I slept on my stomach for years because it felt less vulnerable, with the light on and a duvet over my head, no matter the weather. When it came, I wouldn’t know
how to get through the night, as I didn’t want to bother anyone else.
As I got older, I started getting attacks in my sleep where something would physically push me down on the bed, and if I tried to pray or speak, swear words would come out of my mouth. When that happened, I prayed in my heart until I could start talking normally and get out of bed.
In 2006 this reached a peak where I struggled just being alone in a room. I wouldn’t look into mirrors, and I was petrified of seeing what I knew was around me. I heard from a colleague about a Christian counsellor, and this was the first time I had really heard of the power of Jesus Christ.
I got powerfully saved through counselling, joined a church and got baptised in 2006, and went to Bible school in 2007. The fear was not gone, but the attacks stopped. As I started getting to know God, I realised He had a plan for my life; it excited me and made me feel like I was a part of something bigger. I had picked up music again in Bible school after not playing the piano for years, and I was so excited when my BMUS study application was accepted. God had supernaturally quickened my fingers and mind to go from not being able to play the piano with chord charts (because I was used to classical sheet music) to being able to lead worship, playing and singing at Bible school. Before, church staff would often leave during morning worship because it was just so bad, but one morning the Holy Spirit came over me, and suddenly, I could play and sing, and we just kept worshipping God for much longer that day. I was so, so excited about life and God, but had no spiritual discipline, no discipleship or support and no clue.
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In 2006 this reached a peak where I struggled just being alone in a room. I wouldn’t look into mirrors, and I was petrified of seeing what I
knew was around me.
My life changed - it felt like I was burying a friend, and I was a different person. I was treated differently. The world was a different place.
In 2008 a series of events happened that stole my hope completely.
I thought I had found what I needed in a young man I met at church. Every person is of high value to God, but everyone isn’t on the right path, and everyone’s motives aren’t pure. My parents saw the danger, but I did not listen. I believed this young man aligned with my dream, and one of the respected Christians in our church had given us a word that our relationship was in God’s will, so I had an excuse.
The first time (and the second) we had sex, it was against my will, at that point, I had already been isolated from my friends.
When I was at Bible school, someone had given me a word saying that God was restoring my purity and my virginity, and now somebody had taken it from me again. I felt I had betrayed God and His kindness and told myself that night I would have to marry this man.
I started getting the same attacks again, which I now knew was a demonic presence trapping me in my bed. On top of that, I had immense guilt and self-rejection. “Help!” But who was I even going to tell about this? My “parents”? My “church”? My “friends”?
Because I did not want to break up with him, I had to leave home. Leaving home sounds normal, but it wasn’t the kind of “leaving the house” kids do when they start studying or working. It hurt.
I fell pregnant.
I had to tell my parents, and they were angry and devastated. I had to make hard choices which I wasn’t ready for, and my relationship with my parents
was in pieces.
I had many, many fights with my parents about what I was going to do. The options were - to continue studying and give up my child for adoption, or else I was on my own: Another ultimatum. They desperately wanted me to consider my future and get me away from this young man, while I didn’t want anyone to reject my baby.
My choices meant that I had to give up my music studies. My partner wanted me to get an abortion, but praise God for Doctor Domingo, who helped me and convinced him to do the right thing. I had to find a job while pregnant, and I married early in 2009.
My life changed - it felt like I was burying a friend, and I was a different person. I was treated differently. The world was a different place. Marriage was supposed to be a celebration, a union by God. On the morning of my wedding, I repeatedly asked God if I was doing the right thing. He never answered me.
On the first night of our marriage, I vividly dreamed of a tsunami hitting the house we slept in. In the dream, I tried to warn my husband that the wave was coming, and I wanted to get him to come out, but he would not listen, and I left without him.
I thought I could rebuild my life once we got married, but he was not interested. In 2011 the girl my husband was seeing fell pregnant. I tried to forgive him for that and repair our marriage, but he would not repent or leave his ways, and suddenly he was a completely different person who would laugh when I cried and physically threaten me. People told me that infidelity could happen to anyone, but what they didn’t understand was - I could forgive the adultery.
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However, he expected me to accept the infidelity and stay with him.
I had sacrificed so much for nothing.
Shortly after my daughter’s 2nd birthday, I realised I had to go for an STD test and that my husband had a secret phone. I phoned my mom and asked her to come and fetch us. Divorce followed soon afterwards.
Matthew 18:33-35 AMP
Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave [who owed you little by comparison], as I had mercy on you?’ And in wrath, his master turned him over to the torturers (jailers) until he paid all that he owed. My heavenly Father will also do the same to [every one of] you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
Finally, in 2012 things were better- but then I messed up big time and played a part in almost breaking up a family. I had an affair with a married man - the girl who sought approval…We were so unwise and naive. In the end, I stood up against it and convinced him to come clean so it could be in the light and stop.
I didn’t mind being blamed for it all since I was to blame as well - the hard part was the disgust people had for me - I was the leper. Some of my sisters in Christ called me a ‘can of worms’, keyed my car, blocked me, shut me out and left messages for me to see on social media, yet never once asked me what happened or spoke to me.
I wasn’t unrepentant. I never wanted this. Yes, I fell. I wasn’t caught out, and I didn’t want to take her husband from her at any point - I needed to understand how I had gotten into this.
The problem was I couldn’t say “No” loud enough because my walk with God was casual. I didn’t know the fear of God. I didn’t realise that tolerating a look or a simple WhatsApp message to avoid rejecting someone would eventually create such a chasm. Listening to someone in emotional pain because their person is not listening to them or accepting kind words too often from someone who is not mine would lead to harm. I never expected this man to ever make moves on me, but he did, and I wasn’t ready for it. The people I did share with also didn’t speak up. I couldn’t even fight for myself, let alone anyone else. I don’t think anyone who has not walked in my shoes understands. My problem was not lust; it was that I craved acceptance. I wish I had found that in the people around me, in the mothers and fathers around me, but as I reflect back, I’ve always been or felt like I was on the outside, looking in, and I was never sure if it was them or me and why.
I was kicked out of that church. I felt like Joseph in the pit, being left for dead or sold by my brothers as if they were putting the wicked man out from among them. I knew I had sinned, and I thought I was ready for anything they would ask, but how it was handled was unbelievable. My repentance was met with more shame and more punishment. Their faces and their words, as they spoke to me, were as if I had brutally murdered someone. They told me that because I had not forgiven my ex-husband, I would not be forgiven, but I would be treated the same. They weren’t even aware of what happened with my ex-husband. It was just one big mess, and I couldn’t reconcile what God was saying with what they were saying or speak up because I was at fault; even more challenging than that was that my parents, who had helped me to get back up again the first time - had been shamed by me again.
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Photography: Seenbyabi
...during worship, I saw a picture of a lion roaring with the words “I’m fighting for you”
Jesus leaned in and put his forehead against mine and said to me, “I thought of you while I was on the cross that day”.
During this second storm, I remembered Pastor Louis had seen us in the mall in 2009 while I was pregnant and prayed for us. So I went to Victory in 2013. The first evening service I attended, during worship, I saw a picture of a lion roaring with the words “I’m fighting for you”. I shared it with the pastor and he asked me to share it with everyone. The word was shared by his wife. It was her first time preaching. She played a clip of Narnia where Aslan, the lion, roars mightily and stands behind Lucy. I gasped. God was saying to her, “You heard me, My girl, and I’ve got you”, and to me “, You’re home, My girl, and I haven’t forsaken you”, and to the congregation, He was saying “Hi! This is Me, God speaking”. He is so kind.
Between 2013 and 2023, many great things happened. God restored a lot. He gave me a fantastic job and restored my finances and relationship with my parents. My current husband and I got married in Victory, and now we’re a family of 4 living in our own house. Regarding the happenings in 2012: The family, the leaders and I have since forgiven each other - all the glory to God for that!
However, I still hadn’t ever really felt part of the family, part of the body. There had even been some conflict around the topic. I felt like I was always on the outside looking in while everyone was having fellowship, loving and caring for each other, and being friends.
I knew God wanted me there, but it didn’t feel like people wanted me there. I’ve tried many things to alter this myself and to change myself. Fear and anxiety, and depression - these were also things that I struggled with daily.
Last year was an exceptionally difficult year for me. My bed became my place of comfort, and I spent most of my time there. It was hard for me to contribute fully. I was anxious and overwhelmed by everything; even with too many sounds happening at once, something would well up inside me, and I would have an outburst.
I had been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off, but last year it came up again, and at the end of the year, I had a meltdown. Suddenly I saw everything wrong in my life, and I started pleading with God that I wanted to die, that I wanted to leave, and that I wanted nothing to do with anyone anymore. The Holy Spirit led me to repent of this, and two of my friends tried to help me.
While listening to a testimony on YouTube, I felt God’s kindness towards me and a spark lit within me. Suddenly I realised and believed again that God wanted us to know the Book He had written for our lives because He was excited about it, and it was for His glory. We are not enslaved people whose Master shares nothing with us, we are sons, and we know what our Father is doing because He shares with us. I started seeking, knocking, asking. The first thing God reminded me of was the scripture about believing that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seeks Him. So I focused on that one thing.
One morning at church during worship, the Holy Spirit led me to lay down my dreams. I asked Him to give me something to hold onto when I felt as if I was slipping away. Jesus leaned in and put his forehead against mine and said to me, “I thought of you while I was on the cross that day”.
“And you will find me when you search for me with your whole heart.” Jer 29:13b
God revealed to me that the thoughts that I had were
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God calls the outcasts home. He’s a Father to the fatherless. When your mother and father abandon you, the Lord will adopt you.
not my own, and the desires that I had were not my own. The sin in my life was because of my own choices, but that is not who I am at all. I had willingly given over to and agreed to the enemy’s plans for my life.
He revealed it through deliverance videos while I could not read my Bible. The demons in the videos spoke against their will in obedience to the Holy Spirit. They were divulging what they had prevented (hearing, knowing, walking in God’s purposes), stolen (gifting, understanding, inheritance and more), given (disease, thoughts, malice and perversion) and more. The fear of the Lord came upon me, and I realised more than ever that God is not mocked.
He is Holy and all-powerful, and when He decrees something, everything listens and obeys - even these ancient filthy fallen angels who hate Him. So then, how do I so casually address God when I claim to love Him? How can I even think I could determine what is wrong and right by myself? How arrogant am I by not giving God my tithe and, in doing that, saying – I know better, and I can look after myself?
When God instructs us in His word, He does it for a reason. He may not explain why, but we should trust Him because He knows infinitely more than we do. Yes, Jesus died for our sins, and we can come to Him boldly in need, but we shouldn’t undervalue or casually use His grace.
My husband and I started seeking God for deliverance.
We went to see Pastor Louis, and he prayed for us. The first thing that fell off me was fear. A fear that had
followed me my whole life and wouldn’t leave when I commanded it, just left.
Spending time in the Word was also easier. Pastor Louis told us to start journaling which I’ve started again.
The Holy Spirit convicted me, and I repented of my sexual sin before and after coming to Christ since I had never done that before. I felt I had to share it with my husband, who had never been intimate with anyone else apart from me. It was difficult for him to hear, but the next evening he called me to wash my feet. As he was praying over me, I saw that it was Jesus washing my feet. It wrecked me.
Since then, the Holy Spirit has revealed many things to us in our marriage which are not in His will. We must be willing to be consecrated and set apart to be his royal priesthood and to know Him in everything.
One Sunday morning, Uncle Tony Fitzgerald was preaching at our church, and when he called up people for prayer for grief, I knew we had to get up. He mentioned that God had laid on his heart someone who, 15 years before, had lost hope. In 2008. When he said that, it hit me. I felt it was me, but I didn’t know why. I had forgotten, but God knew that
● My grandmother, our prayer warrior in the family, died in 2008.
● I was isolated from friends
● I lost my purity, again
● I had to leave my parents’ house
● my studies were cut short
● I fell pregnant
● my dream of being a musician died
● I betrayed myself
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Yes, Jesus died for our sins, and we can come to Him boldly in need, but we shouldn’t undervalue or casually use His grace.
God said from Heaven, “It is finished”.
I didn’t feel anything except for a very sore spot in my heart being touched and seen by God. I also felt an “at last” - like I’ve been hanging on by a thread for so long, desperately wanting but unable to receive and so misunderstood - and finally, God took those heavy rags off me.
He knew, and He cared long after everyone else remembered or cared (even me) - He was the only one who knew at which moment in time I was being held captive. Over the next few days, I realised that depression and anxiety had left me, and I could quickly do more around the house for my family. I was not always in bed, and I was not crying and upset or as critical. I was positive at work, even under challenging circumstances. It felt wonderful not constantly being nagged in my thoughts, always hearing I would never make it and how nothing works out.
The chains of 2008 are gone. When I notice forgetfulness, I remind myself that God has given me the mind of Christ. I am still learning, but I am also the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.
Pastor Louis prayed with us again. I told him that I feel like there is an antenna on my head that says “abuse me” because people constantly try pushing me into situations that are not right in general or correct towards me. When I realise what is happening, it’s too late, and I feel like I can’t say no. He said that it’s an orphan spirit, and it’s because I say subconsciously, “What can I do so that you love me?” I shared some of my other struggles, and we prayed together, repenting and renouncing the orphan spirit.
God delivered me.
Renewing our minds with the Word of God is so essential. We must remain in Him because, without Him, we can do nothing. We must remain in Him because we are fickle and broken at best, and He knows best - He can see.
This is only the beginning for me. Eternity has only just begun! My dreams were mediocre compared to knowing Him and walking in His will. I don’t care what I do with my life - it’s His. He is my calling and my reward. May Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit be glorified. I won’t forget what He has done for me.
God calls the outcasts home. He’s a Father to the fatherless. When your mother and father abandon you, the Lord will adopt you. He touches the lepers. He leaves the 99 to find the 1. He heals the unclean. He places us in a family. The murderer on the other cross was saved, not by the sinner’s prayer, but by a God that cares, who did so much to offer forgiveness and access to life.
Jesus loved those who sinned unto repentance and resisted the proud and religious even as He walked on the earth. He uses the weak, simple and foolish things to confound the wise. Lord, may I be one of those weak, simple and foolish things - use me however you see fit.
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MARIAN COERTZEN
