Gode varsler (9788241915826)

Page 1

© 2005 Karol DuClos

© 1990 Neil Phillips

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling Generelt og ) and author of Anansisett Boyssover and ikke reveredondskapen, c reator of Sandman forstår derfor ikke hvorfor Terryden Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling noen author andre of Thud! gjøreof det. Men are Crowley likte søvn, and skulle exalted Father d iscworld) literary demigods, more or less.det Put var themen together . . . and all h ell breaks loose. av verdens nytelser. Spesielt etter

Kultklassiker - endelig på norsk

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

APOKALYPSEN HAR ALDRI VÆRT MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

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$29.95

something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . Ifølgeitheksen kommer til å would makeAgnes one hell Nutters of a movie. oprofetier r a heavenly one. Take yourverden pick.” —Washington Post Book World gå under på lørdag, rett etter tetid. Uheldigvis er Antikrist

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

© 2005 Karol DuClos

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

© 1990 Neil Phillips

«En direkte etterkommer av The Hitchhiker’s thefunnier.” Galaxy.» “The a pocalypse hasGuide never to been New York Times —C LIVE B ARKE R

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just one glitch: someone seems to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

$29.95

“a direct descendant of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” —New York Times

c ircus.”

antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

hett’s

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . .

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud! and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose.

something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . it would make one hell of a movie. o r a heavenly one. Take your pick.” —Washington Post Book World

$29.95

“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” —C LIVE B ARKE R

the Galaxy.”

mas Pynchon, screenplay of a remake . . . The book . . .

“it reads like the Book of r evelation as penned by Monty Python’s Flying —Phoenix New Times

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Free Press

—Dayton Daily News

52995

853969

book about real people . . it’s a wow. . . . ne. Take your pick.”

c ircus.”

780060

Python’s Flying

ISBN-13: 978-0-06-085396-9 ISBN-10: 0-06-085396-4

9

“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” “Full-bore contemporary lunacy. —C LIVE B ARKE R a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

“o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

you’d think. . . . me.”

—Dayton Daily News

“Full-bore contemporary lunacy. a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud!

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

Jacket design by Richard L. Aquan Jacket illustration by Douglas Smith

52995

Visit www. a uthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite h arper c ollins authors.

c ircus.”

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Free Press

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

853969 “it reads like the Book of r evelation as penned by Monty Python’s Flying —Phoenix New Times

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . . www.terrypratchettbooks.com

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

ISBN-13: 978-0-06-085396-9 ISBN-10: 0-06-085396-4

780060

www.neilgaiman.com

T E RRY P RA TC HE TT is the internationally bestselling author of more than thirty books, including his phenomenally successful d iscworld series. h is young adult novel, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, won the c arnegie Medal, and Where’s My Cow?, his d iscworld book for “readers of all ages,” was a New York Times bestseller. h is novels have sold more than forty mil lion (give or take a few million) copies worldwide. Named an o cer of the British e mpire “for services to literature,” Pratchett lives in e ngland. ( h e has drunk enough banana daiquiris, thank you. it’s G & Ts from now on.)

something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . it would make one hell of a movie. o r a heavenly one. Take your pick.” —Washington Post Book World

APOKALYPSEN HAR ALDRI VÆRT MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

“a direct descendant of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” —New York Times

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . .

antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just one glitch: someone seems to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

feil Apokalypsens firebyryttere er ute og kjører “itpå reads likested, the Book of r evelation as penned Monty Python’s Flying c ircus.” —Phoenix New Times fra himmel og helvete motorsykkel, og representantene har funnet ut at de faktisk liker menneskerasen.

“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” —C LIVE B ARKE R

et tungt måltid. Han hadde for eksempel sovet seg rett gjennom mesteparten av 1800-tallet. Ikke fordi han behøvde det, men ganske enkelt fordi han likte det.

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Niceverdens and Accurate Prophecies En av nytelser. Ja, of nåAgnes fikk Nutter, han se til Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her virkelig å nyte dem, mens det fortsatt var entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch tid igjen. Bentleyen brølte gjennom natten, her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in østover. fact.på Sovei the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

Han var naturligvis helhjertet for Dommedag, generelt sett. Hvis noen hadde antiquated and stick pins.hadde a tlantis is rising, frogs spurtinstructions ham hvorfor han brukt r ight. e verything appears mange århundrer på å blande seg inn i to be going according to d ivine Plan. menneskehetens saker, ville han svart: e«Å, xceptfor thatåaframbringe somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living Dommedag og demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen Helvetes triumf.» Men det var én ting nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly å arbeide for å frambringe den, og noe looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale ganske annet at den faktisk skulle komme. a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just hadde at him. han. kom til one Crowley glitch: someone seemsalltid to have visst misplaced .. åFirst være der når verden tok slutt, ettersom published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

HEKSEN AGNES APOKALYPSEN HAR NUTTERS ALDRI VÆRT FINE OG KORREKTE PROFETIER MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE $29.95

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ISBN-13: 978-0-06-085396-9 ISBN 978-82-419-1582-6 ISBN-10: 0-06-085396-4

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud! and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose.

Jacket design by Richard L. Aquan Jacket illustration by Douglas Smith

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

“o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

“Full-bore contemporary lunacy. a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just

Anbefales på det varmeste.» Library —Dayton DailyJournal News

APOKALYPSEN HARseemsALDRI VÆRT one glitch: someone to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Press «Frekk, morsom ogFreeforbausende klok (…)

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

Visit www. a uthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite h arper c ollins authors.

“a direct descendant of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” —New York Times

And lo, the years passed . . .

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

TERRY PRATCHETT www.neilgaiman.com (1948-2015) er mest kjent for for the internationally bestselling author ofhans more T E RRY P RA TC HE TT isSkiveverden. fantasyserien Verkene than thirty books, including his phenomenally successful d ischar blitthadaptert til filmer, tegnerserier, world series. is young adult novel, The Amazing Maurice and His Educatedog Rodents, won thePratchett c arnegie Medal,er andutnevnt Where’s rollespill TV-serier. My Cow?, his d iscworld book for “readers of all ages,” was a New til flerehaveuniversiteter, Yorkæresdoktor Times bestseller. ved h is novels sold more than forty og mil ilion (give million) worldwide. o 2009 bleor take hana fewslått tilcopies ridder av Named den anbritiske cer of the British e mpire “for services to literature,” Pratchett lives dronningen. Bøkene har solgt over in e ngland. ( h e has drunk enough hans banana daiquiris, thank you. it’s & Ts from now on.) 70G millioner eksemplarer verden over, og er oversatt til 37 språk. www.terrypratchettbooks.com

In the beginning . . .

N E IL G AIM A N is the critically acclaimed and award-winning cre ator of the Sandman series of graphic novels, and author of the novels Anansi Boys, American Gods, Neverwhere, Stardust, Smoke and Mirrors, and Coraline, and the New York Times bestselling children’s books The Day and The Wolves in the Walls. o riginally from e ngland, Gaiman now lives in the u nited States. ( h e is still 5'11" tall and continues to be partial to black T-shirts.)

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States. ( h e is still 5'11" tall and continues to be partial to black T-shirts.)

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or “o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

9

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

NEIL GAIMAN ble født i England i 1960, men har de siste årene bodd i USA. Etter at han slo gjennom med tegneserien Sandman, har han skrevet In the beginning . . . And lo, the years passed . . . en rekke kritikerroste bøker for barn og N E IL G AIM Ainkludert N is the critically acclaimed and award-winning cre voksne, Neverwhere, Stjernestøv, ator of the Sandman series of graphic novels, and author of the Amerikanske guder, Kirkegårdsboken Gods, Neverwhere, Stardust, og novels Anansi Boys, American and Coraline, Smoke and Mirrors,over Coraline. Han har en stor tilhengerskare and the New York Times bestselling children’s books The Day hele verden og blir av mangeandregnet som The Wolves in theen o riginally from e ngland, Gaiman now lives in the u nited avWalls. de største fornyerne av fantasysjangeren.

out loud.”

ed into a category. us good laugh.”

APOKALYPSEN HAR ALDRI VÆRT MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

Kultklassiker om hvor galt det kan gå når selveste Antikrist ender opp hos en helt gjennomsnittlig middelklassefamilie. Endelig på norsk!

«Apokalypsen har aldri vært morsommere!» Clive Barker

han var udødelig og ikke kom til å ha noe judgment is back—and justhan in time—in a new hardcover edition alternativ. Men hadde håpet at det var (which includes an dit.For introduction by likte the authors, comments langt igjen han egentlig folkby eachganske about thegodt. other, Det and answers some still-burning var entobetydelig brist ques for tionsenabout their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the demon. devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

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Gode varsler



Neil Gaiman og Terry Pratchett

Gode varsler – Heksen Agnes Nutters Fine og Korrekte Profetier

Oversatt av Stian Omland, MNO


Originaltittel: Good Omens Copyright © originalutgave Copyright © originalutgave 1990 by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Introduction and new material copyright © 2006 by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Published in agreement with Writers House, New York, represented by Ia Atterholm Agency, Sweden. Copyright © norsk utgave Vigmostad & Bjørke AS 2018 Grafisk produksjon: John Grieg, Bergen Sats: Type-it AS, Trondheim 2018 Omslagsdesign: Richard L. Aquan Omslagsillustrasjon: Douglas Smith Repro ved forlaget Papir: 80 g Munken Print Cream 1,5 Boken er satt med 11,7/13,5 pkt. AGaramond Sitatet fra Nittenåttifire av George Orwell er oversatt av Bjørn Alex Herrman (Gyldendal, 2016) 1. opplag 2018 ISBN: 978-82-419-1582-6 Oversatt av Stian Omland, MNO Spørsmål om denne boken kan rettes til Vigmostad & Bjørke AS Kanalveien 51 5068 Bergen Telefon 55 38 88 00 Eller e-post til post@vigmostadbjorke.no www.vigmostadbjorke.no Det må ikke kopieres fra denne boken i strid med åndsverkloven eller avtaler om kopiering som er inngått med Kopinor.


FORBEHOLD

Å sette i gang Dommedag kan være farlig. Ikke prøv det hjemme. Nittenåttifire, George Orwell



Forfatterne vil gjerne slutte seg til demonen Crowley: Denne boken er til minne om G.K. CHESTERTON En mann som skjønte hva som foregikk.



Om navn i oversettelsen Noen av navnene i denne boken er meningsbærende, men hører samtidig til i en engelskspråklig sammenheng, og har derfor fått forbli engelske i den norske oversettelsen. Skulle du likevel lure på hva de betyr, er det satt inn en kort ordliste med oversettelser bakerst i boken.



FORORD

Folk spør: Hvordan var det å skrive Gode varsler? Og vi svarer: Vi var bare et par fyrer, ikke sant? Det er vi fortsatt. Det var en sommerjobb. Vi hadde det kjempegøy mens vi holdt på, vi delte pengene likt, og vi sverget på at vi aldri skulle gjøre det igjen. Vi trodde ikke at det var viktig. Og på en måte er det fortsatt ikke det. Gode varsler ble skrevet av to personer som ingen kjente til den gangen, bortsett fra de som allerede kjente dem. De var ikke engang sikre på om den kom til å selge. De visste så definitivt ikke at de kom til å skrive verdens mest reparerte bok. (Helt sant: Vi har signert et fornøyelig høyt antall pocketutgaver som har blitt mistet i badekar, fått en urovekkende brunfarge, blitt reparert med teip og hyssing, og som ved ett tilfelle utelukkende besto av løse ark i en plastpose. På den annen side var det en fyr som hadde fått spesiallaget et skrin av valnøttre og sølvfiligrans, med pocketutgaven hvilende på svart fløyel oppi. På lokket var det runer av sølv. Vi spurte ikke.) Dannelsestips: Det er, i all hovedsak, i orden å be en forfatter signere på armen din, men ikke spesielt høflig deretter å stikke bort i tatoveringssjappa rundt hjørnet og komme tilbake en halvtime etterpå for å vise fram det betente resultatet. Vi ante ikke at vi kom til å dra på noen signeringsturneer som ville være rare selv for oss som har opplevd en del, der vi snakket om humor i 15 sekunders salver innimellom nyhetsmeldinger om den grufulle gisselsituasjonen nede på den lokale Burger King-en, ble intervjuet av en uforberedt radiovert i New York som ikke hadde fått beskjed om at Gode varsler var et verk i den 11


sjangeren som vi i bransjen kaller skjønnlitteratur, og før et intervju fikk en streng advarsel om banning av den bitte lille etiketteansvarlige ved en offentlig radiostasjon «fordi dere engelskmenn snakker stygt hele tiden». Egentlig er det ingen av oss som banner noe særlig, spesielt ikke på radio, men den neste timen tok vi oss i automatisk å snakke i veldig korte, nøye gjennomtenkte setninger mens vi unngikk å få øyekontakt med hverandre. Og så var det leserne, Gud velsigne dem. Vi må ha signert hundretusenvis av eksemplarer for dem i årenes løp. Bøkene er ofte så gjennomlest at de faller helt fra hverandre – skulle vi komme borti et nytt og glinsende eksemplar, er det vanligvis fordi innehaverens fem foregående er blitt stjålet av venner, truffet av lynet eller spist av kjempetermitter på Sumatra. Dere er herved advart. Å, forresten, vi er blitt fortalt at det finnes et eksemplar i biblioteket i Vatikanet. Det er fint å tenke på. Det har vært moro. Og det er ikke over.


I BEGYNNELSEN



Det var en fin dag. Alle dagene hadde vært fine. Hittil hadde det vært en del flere av dem enn sju, og regn var ikke funnet opp ennå. Men skyene som tårnet seg opp øst for Edens hage, tydet på at det første uværet var underveis, og det kom til å bli svære saker. Engelen i Østporten trakk vingene opp over hodet for beskytte seg mot de første dråpene. «Unnskyld», sa han høflig. «Hva var det du sa?» «Jeg sa at det der gikk jo rett på trynet», sa slangen. «Å. Ja», sa engelen, som het Azirafael. «Skal jeg være helt ærlig, synes jeg reaksjonen var litt i overkant», sa slangen. «Det var jo tross alt første forseelse. Og jeg skjønner ikke helt hva som er så galt med å vite forskjellen på godt og ondt.» «Det må være ille», grublet Azirafael, med det lett bekymrede tonefallet til en som heller ikke skjønner det, og som er bekymret over det, «eller så ville ikke du vært innblandet.» «De sa bare: Dra opp dit og stell i stand litt bråk», sa slangen, som het Crawly, men som vurderte å bytte navn. Han hadde kommet fram til at Crawly ikke var helt ham. «Jo, men du er demon. Jeg er ikke sikker på om det faktisk er mulig for deg å gjøre noe godt», sa Azirafael. «Det handler vel om selve grunninnstillingen din? Ikke ta det personlig, altså.» «Men du må innrømme at det er litt spill for galleriet», sa Crawly. «Ja, å peke på Treet og si ‘Ikke rør’ med store bokstaver. Er vel ikke akkurat subtilt? Hvorfor ikke bare sette det på top15


pen av et høyt fjell langt borte? Man begynner jo å lure på hva Han egentlig holder på med.» «Er vel egentlig best ikke å lure på det», sa Azirafael. «Som jeg pleier å si: Man kan ikke stille spørsmål ved det uransakelige. Noe er Rett og noe er Galt. Hvis du gjør noe Galt når du får beskjed om å gjøre noe Rett, fortjener du å bli straffet. Eh.» De ble sittende i pinlig taushet og se på at regndråpene slo løs på de første blomstene. Til slutt sa Crawly: «Pleide ikke du å ha et brennende sverd?» «Eh», sa engelen. Et drag av dårlig samvittighet gled forbi ansiktet hans, før det vendte tilbake og slo seg ned der. «Du hadde det, ikke sant?» sa Crawly. «Det brant som bare fy.» «Eh, vel …» «Jeg syntes det var veldig imponerende.» «Jo, men, eh …» «Har du mistet det, eller?» «Å, nei! Nei, ikke mistet det, akkurat, bare …» «Ja?» Azirafael så fortvilet ut. «Hvis du virkelig må vite det», sa han en smule surt, «så ga jeg det bort.» Crawly stirret opp på ham. «Ja, jeg måtte det», sa engelen og gned hendene urolig sammen. «De så ut som de frøs sånn, stakkars, og hun er allerede på vei, og med alle de rovgriske dyrene der ute og uværet som kommer, så tenkte jeg at det gjør vel ingen skade, så jeg sa bare, hør her, hvis dere kommer tilbake, så blir det et, eh, jammerlig spetakkel, men dere kan komme til å få bruk for dette sverdet, så vær så god, dere trenger ikke takke, bare gjør alle en stor tjeneste og kom dere ut før solen går ned.» Han smilte bekymret til Crawly. «Det var vel det beste jeg kunne gjort?» «Jeg er usikker på om det egentlig er mulig for deg å gjøre noe ondt», sa Crawly sarkastisk. Azirafael la ikke merke til tonefallet.

16


«Å, jeg håper da ikke det», sa han. «Jeg håper virkelig ikke det. Det har bekymret meg hele ettermiddagen.» De så på regnet en stund. «Men det rare», sa Crawly, «er at jeg også lurer på om det med eplet kan ha vært det rette. En demon kan få skikkelig trøbbel hvis han gjør det som er rett.» Han dultet borti engelen. «Hadde vært morsomt hvis vi handlet galt, begge to, hva? Morsomt hvis jeg gjorde det gode og du gjorde det onde, hva?» «Egentlig ikke», sa Azirafael. Crawly kikket på regnet. «Nei», sa han og ble alvorlig. «Det hadde vel ikke det.» Skifergrått slør veltet innover Edens hage. Tordenen brummet mellom åsene. Dyrene, med sine flunkende nye navn, krøp sammen i uværet. Langt borte, i den søkkvåte skogen, glimtet noe lyst og flammende mellom trærne. Det kom til å bli en mørk og stormfull natt.


GODE VARSLER En fortelling om visse begivenheter som fant sted i løpet av de siste elleve årene i menneskehetens historie, og, skal det vise seg, strengt i henhold til: Heksen Agnes Nutters Fine og Korrekte Profetier Samlet og redigert, med fotnoter av pedagogisk natur som rettesnorer for de kloke, av Neil Gaiman og Terry Pratchett. MEDVIRKENDE Overnaturlige vesener Gud (Gud) Metatronen (Guds røst) Azirafael (Engel, og deltidsforhandler av sjeldne bøker) Satan (Fallen engel, Erkefienden) Beelsebub (Også fallen engel, og Fyrste av Helvete) Hastur (Fallen engel, og Hertug av Helvete) Ligur (Også fallen engel, og Hertug av Helvete) Crowley (Engel som ikke egentlig falt, men snarere slentret sånn omtrent nedover) Apokalyptiske hestevesener Død (Død) Krig (Krig) Hungersnød (Hungersnød) Forurensing (Forurensing) Mennesker Du-skal-ikke-begå-utroskap-Pulsifer (Heksefinner) Agnes Nutter (Profet) Newton Pulsifer (Lønningsfunksjonær og Heksefinnermenig) Anathema Device (Praktisk okkultist og Profesjonell Etterkommer) 18


Shadwell (Heksefinnersersjant) Madame Tracy (Sminket Jesabel [bare på formiddagen, torsdager etter avtale] og Medium) Søster Mary Loquacious (Satanisk Nonne av Sankt Beryls Plaprende Orden) Mr. Young (Far) Mr. Tyler (Styreleder i en beboerforening) Et bud De Der ADAM (Antikrist) Pepper (En jente) Wensleydale (En gutt) Brian (En gutt) Fullt kor bestående av tibetanere, romvesener, Atlantis-innbyggere og andre sjeldne og underlige Skapninger fra Endetiden.

Og: Hund (Satanisk helveteshund og katteplager)


© 2005 Karol DuClos

© 1990 Neil Phillips

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling Generelt og ) and author of Anansisett Boyssover and ikke reveredondskapen, c reator of Sandman forstår derfor ikke hvorfor Terryden Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling noen author andre of Thud! gjøreof det. Men are Crowley likte søvn, and skulle exalted Father d iscworld) literary demigods, more or less.det Put var themen together . . . and all h ell breaks loose. av verdens nytelser. Spesielt etter

Kultklassiker - endelig på norsk

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

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something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . Ifølgeitheksen kommer til å would makeAgnes one hell Nutters of a movie. oprofetier r a heavenly one. Take yourverden pick.” —Washington Post Book World gå under på lørdag, rett etter tetid. Uheldigvis er Antikrist

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

© 2005 Karol DuClos

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

© 1990 Neil Phillips

«En direkte etterkommer av The Hitchhiker’s thefunnier.” Galaxy.» “The a pocalypse hasGuide never to been New York Times —C LIVE B ARKE R

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just one glitch: someone seems to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

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antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

hett’s

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . .

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud! and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose.

something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . it would make one hell of a movie. o r a heavenly one. Take your pick.” —Washington Post Book World

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“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” —C LIVE B ARKE R

the Galaxy.”

mas Pynchon, screenplay of a remake . . . The book . . .

“it reads like the Book of r evelation as penned by Monty Python’s Flying —Phoenix New Times

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Free Press

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“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” “Full-bore contemporary lunacy. —C LIVE B ARKE R a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

“o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

you’d think. . . . me.”

—Dayton Daily News

“Full-bore contemporary lunacy. a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud!

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

Jacket design by Richard L. Aquan Jacket illustration by Douglas Smith

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Visit www. a uthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite h arper c ollins authors.

c ircus.”

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Free Press

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

853969 “it reads like the Book of r evelation as penned by Monty Python’s Flying —Phoenix New Times

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . . www.terrypratchettbooks.com

Ne il Gaiman & Ter ry Pratchett

ISBN-13: 978-0-06-085396-9 ISBN-10: 0-06-085396-4

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T E RRY P RA TC HE TT is the internationally bestselling author of more than thirty books, including his phenomenally successful d iscworld series. h is young adult novel, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, won the c arnegie Medal, and Where’s My Cow?, his d iscworld book for “readers of all ages,” was a New York Times bestseller. h is novels have sold more than forty mil lion (give or take a few million) copies worldwide. Named an o cer of the British e mpire “for services to literature,” Pratchett lives in e ngland. ( h e has drunk enough banana daiquiris, thank you. it’s G & Ts from now on.)

something that’s a whole lot better. . . . it becomes a real book about real people and things, and goes beyond genre concerns entirely. . . . it’s a wow. . . . it would make one hell of a movie. o r a heavenly one. Take your pick.” —Washington Post Book World

APOKALYPSEN HAR ALDRI VÆRT MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

“a direct descendant of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” —New York Times

“Something like what would have happened if Thomas Pynchon, Tom r obbins, and d on d eLillo had collaborated on the screenplay of a remake The Horn Blows at Midnight. . . . The book . . .

antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just one glitch: someone seems to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

feil Apokalypsens firebyryttere er ute og kjører “itpå reads likested, the Book of r evelation as penned Monty Python’s Flying c ircus.” —Phoenix New Times fra himmel og helvete motorsykkel, og representantene har funnet ut at de faktisk liker menneskerasen.

“The a pocalypse has never been funnier.” —C LIVE B ARKE R

et tungt måltid. Han hadde for eksempel sovet seg rett gjennom mesteparten av 1800-tallet. Ikke fordi han behøvde det, men ganske enkelt fordi han likte det.

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Niceverdens and Accurate Prophecies En av nytelser. Ja, of nåAgnes fikk Nutter, han se til Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her virkelig å nyte dem, mens det fortsatt var entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch tid igjen. Bentleyen brølte gjennom natten, her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in østover. fact.på Sovei the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

Han var naturligvis helhjertet for Dommedag, generelt sett. Hvis noen hadde antiquated and stick pins.hadde a tlantis is rising, frogs spurtinstructions ham hvorfor han brukt r ight. e verything appears mange århundrer på å blande seg inn i to be going according to d ivine Plan. menneskehetens saker, ville han svart: e«Å, xceptfor thatåaframbringe somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living Dommedag og demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen Helvetes triumf.» Men det var én ting nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly å arbeide for å frambringe den, og noe looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale ganske annet at den faktisk skulle komme. a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just hadde at him. han. kom til one Crowley glitch: someone seemsalltid to have visst misplaced .. åFirst være der når verden tok slutt, ettersom published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

HEKSEN AGNES APOKALYPSEN HAR NUTTERS ALDRI VÆRT FINE OG KORREKTE PROFETIER MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE $29.95

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ISBN-13: 978-0-06-085396-9 ISBN 978-82-419-1582-6 ISBN-10: 0-06-085396-4

Taken individually, Neil Gaiman ( New York Times bestselling author of Anansi Boys and revered c reator of Sandman ) and Terry Pratchett ( New York Times bestselling author of Thud! and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose.

Jacket design by Richard L. Aquan Jacket illustration by Douglas Smith

There is a distinct hint of a rmageddon in the air. a ccording to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and e vil are amassing, the Four Bik ers of the a pocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hit -

“o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

antiquated instructions and stick pins. a tlantis is rising, frogs r ight. e verything appears to be going according to d ivine Plan. e xcept that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon— each of whom has lived among e arth’s mortals for many millen nia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not particularly looking forward to the coming r apture. if c rowley and a ziraphale

“Full-bore contemporary lunacy. a steamroller of silliness that made me giggle out loud.” —San Diego Union-Tribune

a ntichrist (which is a shame, as he’s a really nice kid). There’s just

Anbefales på det varmeste.» Library —Dayton DailyJournal News

APOKALYPSEN HARseemsALDRI VÆRT one glitch: someone to have misplaced him. . . . First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

“What’s so funny about a rmageddon? More than you’d think. . . . Good Omens has arrived just in time.” —Detroit Press «Frekk, morsom ogFreeforbausende klok (…)

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

Visit www. a uthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite h arper c ollins authors.

“a direct descendant of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” —New York Times

And lo, the years passed . . .

judgment is back—and just in time—in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning ques tions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

TERRY PRATCHETT www.neilgaiman.com (1948-2015) er mest kjent for for the internationally bestselling author ofhans more T E RRY P RA TC HE TT isSkiveverden. fantasyserien Verkene than thirty books, including his phenomenally successful d ischar blitthadaptert til filmer, tegnerserier, world series. is young adult novel, The Amazing Maurice and His Educatedog Rodents, won thePratchett c arnegie Medal,er andutnevnt Where’s rollespill TV-serier. My Cow?, his d iscworld book for “readers of all ages,” was a New til flerehaveuniversiteter, Yorkæresdoktor Times bestseller. ved h is novels sold more than forty og mil ilion (give million) worldwide. o 2009 bleor take hana fewslått tilcopies ridder av Named den anbritiske cer of the British e mpire “for services to literature,” Pratchett lives dronningen. Bøkene har solgt over in e ngland. ( h e has drunk enough hans banana daiquiris, thank you. it’s & Ts from now on.) 70G millioner eksemplarer verden over, og er oversatt til 37 språk. www.terrypratchettbooks.com

In the beginning . . .

N E IL G AIM A N is the critically acclaimed and award-winning cre ator of the Sandman series of graphic novels, and author of the novels Anansi Boys, American Gods, Neverwhere, Stardust, Smoke and Mirrors, and Coraline, and the New York Times bestselling children’s books The Day and The Wolves in the Walls. o riginally from e ngland, Gaiman now lives in the u nited States. ( h e is still 5'11" tall and continues to be partial to black T-shirts.)

0306

States. ( h e is still 5'11" tall and continues to be partial to black T-shirts.)

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

and exalted Father of d iscworld) are literary demigods, more or “o utrageous. . . . Good Omens shouldn’t be pegged into a category. less. Put them together . . . and all h ell breaks loose. it should just be enjoyed. . . . r ead it for a riotous good laugh.” —Orlando Sentinel

9

Praise for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s

NEIL GAIMAN ble født i England i 1960, men har de siste årene bodd i USA. Etter at han slo gjennom med tegneserien Sandman, har han skrevet In the beginning . . . And lo, the years passed . . . en rekke kritikerroste bøker for barn og N E IL G AIM Ainkludert N is the critically acclaimed and award-winning cre voksne, Neverwhere, Stjernestøv, ator of the Sandman series of graphic novels, and author of the Amerikanske guder, Kirkegårdsboken Gods, Neverwhere, Stardust, og novels Anansi Boys, American and Coraline, Smoke and Mirrors,over Coraline. Han har en stor tilhengerskare and the New York Times bestselling children’s books The Day hele verden og blir av mangeandregnet som The Wolves in theen o riginally from e ngland, Gaiman now lives in the u nited avWalls. de største fornyerne av fantasysjangeren.

out loud.”

ed into a category. us good laugh.”

APOKALYPSEN HAR ALDRI VÆRT MORSOMMERE ENN DETTE

Kultklassiker om hvor galt det kan gå når selveste Antikrist ender opp hos en helt gjennomsnittlig middelklassefamilie. Endelig på norsk!

«Apokalypsen har aldri vært morsommere!» Clive Barker

han var udødelig og ikke kom til å ha noe judgment is back—and justhan in time—in a new hardcover edition alternativ. Men hadde håpet at det var (which includes an dit.For introduction by likte the authors, comments langt igjen han egentlig folkby eachganske about thegodt. other, Det and answers some still-burning var entobetydelig brist ques for tionsenabout their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the demon. devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

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