EXCLUSIVE: Life As An Extra

BY TARA BHAT STAFF REPORTER

INTERVIEWER: What is it like being an extra?

EXTRA: It’s no joke.

My whole life, I was told I was going to be someone special — somebody important. And then I came to

Hollywood, and when casting directors found out I was mute, they didn’t want to hire me as the lead. Do you know how hard it is to be seen and never heard? I have so much to say, but all they let me do is be in the background. I am forever silent and waiting for my big break.

INTERVIEWER: Oh, shit, I knew we forgot something. We should’ve brought the ASL interpreter today.

BY MATT NEISSEN STAFF REPORTER

I don’t think anyone can blame me. I mean, my wife is HOT, okay? Like, objectively super attractive. She’s up there with Scarlett Johansson, Megan Fox, Margot Robbie, you name it. So you’d think, because my wife’s bod is absolutely bangin’, there’d be no incentive for me to explore beyond the territory of marital fidelity. And that’s totally true. But let’s be real for a minute; isn’t the whole point of a stunt double to look exactly like my wife from the back? We never look each other in the eyes during sex anyways, so how was I to know this woman with an incredible physique wasn’t my wife? Sure, she was a little stronger, more muscular, a bit more toned… but my wife told me she’d been working out lately! I won’t apologize for being a good listener, and I accept no responsibility for this unhappy accident. Not to mention, I was so excited she was finally willing to try some wilder stuff in the bedroom. I mean who doesn’t have a crashing-through-thebedroom-window-ona-motorcycle fantasy? Instead of blaming me for acting like any hotblooded man would, maybe my wife should do a better job at corralling her slightly buffer counterpart, or they should dress in separate colors, like twins.

Tinseltown,

ANNE HATHAWAY STAR