Private
Party BY JOY DIGGS
“I’m having a private party, learning how to love me, celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah.” — India Arie
About a month ago, I woke up on my 39th birthday in beautiful Cancun, Mexico. After being shut in for almost a year because of COVID, it felt amazing to be anywhere other than my apartment. I ran to my hotel window and yanked the curtains open, staring down into the ocean as the sun bounced off the waves. I was so thankful for this moment, and for all of the things I’d learned, especially during the last year. Standing there, my mind reflected on the biggest lesson of all. Before the pandemic, I was always doing the most. If I wasn’t actively doing something, I felt like I was being lazy. You see, growing up, I was a goal-getter, always in pursuit 10
of the next thing. I never really celebrated a current accomplishment because I was too focused on what came next. Always striving. Never just being. In fact, I felt guilty if I wasn’t doing something productive, even during my downtime. I had rarely allowed myself to sit around and do nothing for hours, days at a time. So, during quarantine when I lounged on the couch watching countless Netflix shows, I wondered if I was becoming a bum. As a business owner, I was used to working 14-hour days, but working from home freed up so much of my time. Was I really allowed to just relax? What was the catch? It was a blessing that I was working less, somehow making more,
and even had extra time to spare. Could this be life? Could I even allow myself that downtime of freedom without filling it with something else to DO? Finally, I had to stop and ask myself, why do I find so much more value in doing versus being? And, after reflection, I realized it’s because I feel validated by the things I do. As young children, we don’t have any requirements put on to us. As long as we eat our veggies and go to bed when told, there is nothing else we really have to do. We don’t yet have big dreams to conquer or self-imposed expectations to meet. Just being is enough. When we start school, just being gets buried underneath
