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TALKING TO STRANGERS Some 15 years ago, the world reached a critical turning point, after which more than 50% of people lived in cities rather than rural areas. What is the urbanization rate in the Netherlands? Not surprisingly, it is higher than 50%, but would you believe that as of 2020 it was 92%?! Psychologically, this astounding statistic implies that most of us are increasingly surrounded by people we do not know, from our daily commute to when running errands. Yet, we all have a basic need for social contact. For Vitamin S, as I’ve dubbed it in my scientific writing, as there is increasing evidence that social contact energizes people and boosts happiness – at least for a time. So, how do we deal with all the strangers around us? Considering the vitality we get from Vitamin S, one would think people readily seek interaction with strangers. Wrong! People do not tend to talk to strangers. One important reason is that people – that is: us – believe most other people don’t want to be bothered. In reality, that’s not true. Research shows most people actually welcome social contact with
Paul van Lange (1961) is Professor and Chair of Social Psychology at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam and Distinguished Research Fellow at the University of Oxford. His research focuses on the psychology and evolution of human cooperation as well as the psychology of climate change, trust, and norm-violation in society. After serving as coach of male and female teams at AFC and SC Buitenveldert, he also publishes on the psychology of football. www.paulvanlange.com
strangers. But there is another dimension to this. Strangers have more to offer than you might think. First, interactions with strangers can bring us additional opportunities, such as suggestions or advice about jobs, chances to broaden our skills, or openings for getting to know more people outside our own networks. A case in point is the Dutch landscape architect Piet Oudolf, perhaps best known for his work on the New York High Line project. The breakthrough in his successful career came with the ‘Dream Park’ in Enköping, Sweden; a project sparked off by a brief chat with a stranger on a bus. Second, while interactions with family and friends are psychologically safe in numerous ways, there is always a risk that sensitive, private information shared with one or two close others may be spread in the larger social network. Strangers are far less likely to spread private information, because they are unlikely to be part of one’s social network. This is probably why at least some of us may have experienced a terrific conversation with a fellow passenger on a flight, a taxi driver or a physiotherapist. Coaches of all kinds are doing a thriving business nowadays, but you may find coaches are closer at hand than you’d expect. Strangers can also be a source of good and wise advice. Third, and last, talking to new people lets us meet people who are different, and so helps us get out of our bubbles. If bubbles and polarization are major societal challenges right now, perhaps talking to strangers can help. Especially if we all do it.
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