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The child as the “prize” When parents are in conflict, one of them may try to “win” by getting a child on their “side.” The “prize” is getting their child to believe that they’re in the “right” and that the other parent is “wrong.” One of them might tell the child too much about the causes of the divorce. Or one parent might say negative things about the other parent. Nobody wins if children are hurt. When children get older and understand more about what happened, they may feel they have been used.
The child as a ‘good time’ When visits are used just to give the child a good time, or outings and gifts take the place of normal parenting. i.e. being a ‘Disneyland daddy’ or ‘Mummy Santa’. The best thing you can give your children is your time and yourself. Over-compensating with presents and outings for the loss your children have suffered is usually the result of the parent feeling guilty, It an excuse to avoid your parental responsibilities and will not help your children.
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