We need to talk Since joining IHQ staff in 2017, I’ve become more open with my co-workers. Within about a week of working with me, you’ll learn I am medicated for anxiety and ADHD. Stick around another week and you’ll probably learn I had what I refer to as a “starter marriage” in my 20s or about the two miscarriages I had in my late 30s. After that, there’s no telling what you’ll learn about me. Part of it is probably my age and I'm sure a lot of it is the comfort I feel working primarily with women (most of whom are my Alpha Gam sisters). But I think a lot of it comes from my growing desire for women to stop feeling embarrassed to say the things they really need to talk about. I want those in my circle to feel like they can ask me questions or share their concerns without judgment. Whatever it is they are going through—they are not alone. From an early age, it was ingrained in most of us to “be nice” and not to “air our dirty laundry.” We're expected to assert ourselves, but not to be bossy. We feel pressure to shine, but not at the expense of others. We’re told to put our best foot forward, but not be boastful. If that isn’t enough, we’re expected keep smiling through it. For example, 10–20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. But when I went through it, I couldn't think of a single person it had happened to, much less anyone I felt like talking to about it. And even though half of marriages end in divorce, the feelings of failure I held onto altered my outlook on life and love for nearly 10 years. The sadness, depression, fear shame and anxiety I didn't talk about affected nearly every facet of my life. Holding in negative emotions can trigger a fight-or-flight response. According to Gerald Fishkin, author of The Science of Shame, shame can trigger this response and thus affect the limbic system—the part of the brain that regulates involuntary body functions, such as heartbeat, blood flow, breathing and digestion. While the physiological
response associated with fight-or-flight can play a critical role during life threatening situations, frequent activation can lead to high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression, insomnia—even a weakened immune system. It doesn't have to be this way. A study from Carnegie Mellon University's Laboratory for the Study of Stress Immunity and Disease found that even the perceived availability of social support can help ward off the common cold. The key word here is perceived. Simply knowing you have a supportive network can keep you healthier. Apparently, it works both ways. The National Center for Biotechnology Information reported that giving support to a friend can be as good for a person's health and well-being as receiving it. I used to push stress and guilt way down because I didn't want to burden anyone or appear weak. When that burden became too heavy to bear, an ongoing Facebook chat with a group of chapter sisters literally saved my sanity. From talking me through the first few days home from the hospital with my son to reassuring me I am not the only new mom who has faked going to the bathroom so someone else would have to change a diaper, these women have helped me navigate pregnancy, childbirth and now motherhood. We've gone through literal life and death together. No topic is off limits—and I love them dearly for it. So until women no longer feel the stigma around talking about the things we don't talk about enough, I choose to be an open book. For myself, for others, for you.
By Jennifer Freeman Thompson, Upsilon–University of Oklahoma, with a detour to Epsilon Zeta–Arkansas State University. She serves as the Marketing Manager at IHQ, editor of the Quarterly and secretary of the NPC Communicators organization. She lives in North Little Rock, Arkansas, with her husband and son. Hear her talk about this issue and more in episode 33 of Love, Lead, Listen — available at ® alphagammadelta.org/podcast.
12 Alpha Gamma Delta Quarterly
