Fidel Forde :: RADICAL SELF-CARE REDEFINED
It was never taught to me. Growing up there was no man and no father to sit me down and talk about my feelings — what to do with them, how not to burn out, or the importance of self-care. For sure it was never modeled to me. It’s not their fault, they were never taught either.
I was taught man-care. Man-care is doing whatever it takes to be successful to provide and take care of your family. It’s every man for himself, so you suck it up and get the job done. While perhaps seen as “noble,” the nature of that mindset and hustle results in lacking presence at home, in relationships, and in our bodies. 22
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elf-care never did me any good, in fact it never seemed to last — it created more work, more stress on my relationships, it constantly left me feeling guilty, and made it seem impossible to create any form of consistency. That is up until I learned that I was doing self-care wrong.
I was raised in Jamaican culture. The men are gone all day “providing” and their form of self-care was doing nothing after a long day which in most cases meant disconnecting. When most people disconnect they disconnect from the world around them, as well as their body, their feelings, and the world within them. True self-care is about reconnecting, and we’ll get to that in a moment. My situation was a little different. There wasn’t a man to model or demonstrate what it meant to provide or be a man. My mom raised four of us, worked third shifts as a nurse so she could work while we were sleeping, and worked other jobs over the years while we were in school. She not only took care of me and my siblings, but she took care of all our family in Jamaica. As a boy, I would come downstairs in the morning to a hot meal, usually oatmeal to fill my tummy for the day. Every night we had a good Jamaican dinner, said prayers before bed and joked around. She did whatever it took, always had a smile on her face, and is my hero to this day. But I watched her self-sacrifice her needs so that she could take care of everyone ese. I learned early on as a kid that hustle and sacrifice were how you get ahead. That you take care of your-self only after you “got the job done.” So I got my first job at age 11 where I worked long hours during the summer with my uncle. In high school I had three jobs, and explored several business opportunities on the side. At the age of
