BodyMind Living Magazine :: Navigating Boundaries :: August 2021 by BodyMind Living

BODYMIND ™

ISSUE No 9 : : Navigating BOUNDARIES : : AUGUST 2021

The self help revolution... Navigated.

THOUGHTS ON NAVIGATING BOUNDARIES....................................3 LAURA WIECK

WHAT MOANA AND PLANTS CAN TEACH US.................................6 MARY PAT CURRAN

AN INVITE FOR YOU.....................13 CREATING SACRED SPACE FOR YOU..........................................14 LAURIE JUSZKIEWICZ

WHAT IT‘S LIKE TO BECOME A BODYMIND COACH..................23 HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH...................................24 LORI HOFFER

BODYMIND LIVING SPOTLIGHT WITH TONYA LEARY.....................34 AN INVITATION TO TRUST YOURSELF..........................38 CAROLYN ULITSKY

AN EMBODIMENT EXERCISE.... 46 LAURA WIECK

IT’S ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY.....48 DENA HALLE

IF I ONLY LISTENED......................56 HALINKA VAN MINNEN

AMBASSADOR DIRECTORY........62 CERTIFIED COACH DIRECTORY......................................70 CLOSING THOUGHTS..................74 SHANA HARTMAN

contents

I’ve been around the block with self-help books, and there is often a chapter in those books around boundaries. In fact, in the BodyMind Coaching program we have a section that focuses on boundaries as well. So, I think it’s clear that in this holistic, bodymind-aware community, we know boundaries are important.

However, setting and establishing boundaries is super hard. As a way into this issue on navigating boundaries, I’d like to invite you, amazing reader, to think about expectations versus boundaries. Let me share what I mean in a little story. In my neighborhood, there are two dogs down the street that have electronic collars for their invisible fence. Every day, they run out of the house to greet us on our walk, only to be correctd at the edge of their yard. They have a very real boundary of where they can and cannot go. As a dog lover, and as someone who

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dear reader,

values spaciousness and freedom, I initially thought, “Oh no, those poor dogs! They can’t be free. They are trapped!” This same thought pattern often takes place when it comes to the difficulty we feel around setting boundaries for ourselves. Sometimes, like the dogs, when I think about boundaries, I feel like I’m trapping myself in, I’m containing myself in some way. In the short term, setting this boundary may be painful, like the quick jolt the dogs feel when they test their boundary that aims to keep them safe and out of the busy street. But, what happens is when I don’t set boundaries, I’m beholden to other people’s expectations of me, and that is what actually traps me. When I let other people’s expectations of me dictate my choices, muddy my intuitive knowing, and quiet the inner “yes” and “no” I feel in my body, that’s when feelings of frustration and anger show up. In contrast, creating healthy boundaries allows me to fully

Laura Wieck :: THOUGHTS ON NAVIGATING BOUNDARIES

“Generosity cannot exist without boundaries.”

So if boundaries are clearly so important, then why don’t we enforce our boundaries more often and with more ease? The reason is pretty simple actually: we seek safety and this primal drive for safety comes from the brain in our head, not from the brains in our body. Because our culture honors the cranial brain

Laura shares her favorite exercise to check in and see if boundaries are being met, or not. ((CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO) 4

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show up and contribute at my highest level. I actually get to give more and from a place of abundance versus expectation. Studies have shown that the most generous people have the best boundaries. Dr. Brené Brown shares this in her research on shame, boundaries, and wholehearted living:

over the body’s brain, we often follow the adage that Charles F. Glassman wrote in Brain Drain, The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life, where people often seek “short-term gain for longterm pain.” When we continually slough off a rude comment or mistreatment from others or continue to say “yes” to things we really want to (and need to) say “no” to, we perceive a short-term gain, a momentary feeling of goodness, because often we think we’ve pleased someone else in the moment. However, as you’ll read in many of the articles from our Ambassadors this month, we suffer the consequences longterm when we continually stay in people-pleasing mode. As we practice BodyMind living, and honor our boundaries, there is a sense of risk, yet staying grounded in the boundary allows all parties involved to step forward together. I’m excited for you to sit and read along as our Ambassadors, each in their own unique way, share their experiences of shifting from only tuning into the cranial brain to truly embodying themselves and the boundaries required to honor that process. You’ll hear them share their experiences with shortterm pains in order to receive longterm gains or, really, a long-term dedication to honoring themselves, which in turn truly honors others. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this issue, so be sure to follow us @BodyMindLiving on Instagram to join the conversation. With love, Laura

Mary Pat Curran :: WHAT MOANA AND PLANTS CAN TEACH US

What? You don’t? Hmm, that’s curious. Hang with me as I share what I mean! Here’s a short synopsis of Moana from my perspective: a young girl is explorative and kind. She lives on and loves her island and the ocean. The ocean returns its affection and has a job for her to do. Moana’s father fears the ocean because of his past trauma. As the chief of the village, he is responsible for passing on its traditions and keeping the villagers safe. The boundary he creates for Moana is to stay on the island and not go in the water. He expects her to go along with this. In the song, “Where You Are,” he attempts to instill these values of safety and tradition in his daughter. The song goes along with the phrase “Bloom where you are planted,” a well known phrase from St. Francis de Sales, made famous by Paul Harvey and Marie 6

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When I hear the word boundaries I think of the Disney movie Moana, and plants.

Englebreit. Luckily, Moana also has a wise grandmother who tells her to follow the voice inside her, even if its message differs from the message of her father. The song, “How Far I’ll Go,” conveys Moana’s desire to follow her inner knowing and explore beyond the expectations and the island. Ok, that‘s the movie part. Let’s connect it to plants and boundaries, shall we? You see, I also observe the movie’s theme in nature: some plants stay where they are planted, others grow past their planted space. I’ve got an example of each. Most of you have heard of basil. It is an herb used in Italian and Asian cuisine. It is a plant that stays where you put it. It has upright stalks and leaves that typically grow up. Basil is content to be where it is put. Most of you have heard of mint as well. In contrast to basil, mint likes to spread out. Along with stalks, mint grows long octopus-like tendrils that creep along the ground, and sometimes under it, so that it can extend itself. Mint likes to explore. In a garden setting, gardeners are usually told to contain it to a single pot or container to prevent it overtaking the whole garden. It simply likes to expand. That is how it is. Now, what the heck does all of this have to do with boundaries? The message of Moana’s father and basil is about finding joy and 7

Mary Pat Curran :: WHAT MOANA AND PLANTS CAN TEACH US

There is purpose and joy to be

found right here. It is a valid message. It reminds me to recognize and appreciate the beauty and blessings of my “right now” surroundings. The message of Moana’s grandmother and mint is valid too: Connecting to yourself and taking aligned action is necessary for living a fulfilled life. Going beyond the boundary of what is known and expected helps in feeling fulfilled and purposeful. Not only does following my inner knowing/voice help me feel complete, but it usually leads me to having a larger impact in life. When I follow my inner voice, there is always a larger purpose I am serving, even if I do not “see” it myself. While it is healthy to appreciate wherever you are in life and make the most of it, it is also perfectly acceptable to go beyond what you know because you are being called, led to do so. One is not preferable to the other. 8

purpose where you are. Follow tradition, share your gifts with those around you, and stay within the boundary of what is expected.

Some value the “bloom where you are planted” viewpoint, but when that viewpoint limits the light and inner calling of those that want something different, it is a problem. In contrast, those that value exploration and constant expansion may miss the gifts in front of them because they are in such a hurry to see what is next. Navigating boundaries is about doing both: appreciating what you have where you are and being open to the possibility of new ideas and exploration. Having the tools of knowing how to listen to my inner authority (for my Human Design folks) by listening to my body is how I navigate boundaries. Sometimes I do best when I stay where I am, like Moana’s father and basil. I also enjoy the connections and gifts found in the environment I’m in. Like right now, I’m enjoying a women’s circle I’m in. I’m getting nourished by our bonfire chats of truth and shared experiences. In addition, my deck and it’s plants are a place I enjoy being right now. Writing these articles is fun now, too. Other times, I have felt the call to expand or explore. Like Moana and mint, I often feel the urge to find new places. And when I pay attention to those feelings, the shifts can be major: moving to another state away from all family and friends, ending my

What I’m inviting you to explore is how much of you is content with “Where you are” like Moana’s father and the basil, and how much of you wants to see “How far you’ll go” like Moana and the mint? And can you be happy being both? Can you honor your need to stay and savor your life as it is — seeing it’s blessings and your purpose? Can you honor that even though where you are now has purpose

elementary teaching career, going to massage school, and eventually closing the massage part of my business.

and blessings, that listening to your inner call of exploration and expansion has a greater purpose? And that especially in the face of resistance to your ideas of expansion from your circle of influence, you must follow it for you to feel fulfilled? Most importantly, can you let others do what is best for them without interfering? Can you let your boundaries pertain to YOU and not force them and their expectations upon others? Can you let others be free to choose what is correct for them?

When we know how to express our boundaries, others around us know better what to expect from us. Are there boundaries you need to express to others around you for better communication? (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDIO.)

Mary Pat Curran :: WHAT MOANA AND PLANTS CAN TEACH US

there is purpose and joy to be found

right here... #NavigatingBoundaries #BodyMindLiving #Purpose #Joy #Connection #Grow

Mary Pat Curran :: WHAT MOANA AND PLANTS CAN TEACH US

MARY PAT CURRAN, LMT BodyMind Coach

As the owner of Intentional Flow, Mary Pat Curran coaches her clients using her gifts of presence and possibility. Mary Pat (MP) was an educator of adults & youth for 13 years prior to attending massage school. In 2013 she opened her own business and in 2018 began offering BodyMind Coaching as a missing piece for her clients’ transformation. Mary Pat loves helping her clients learn more about themselves so that they can grow into their intentions without having to become someone else to succeed. Through embodying their unique values, goals, and desires. MP’s clients not only reach their goals, they become who they are meant to be. Originally from Chicago, Mary Pat currently resides in Lexington, Kentucky with her hubby, children and dog. IntentionalFlow@gmail.com FB: Intentional Flow IG: @IntentionalFlow LI: Mary Pat Curran

I was talking to an amazing Massage Therapist recently. She has been practicing for nearly 15 years and has a schedule that is booked solid with amazing clients. By industry standards, she is definitely ‘successful.’

And that’s when she said it: “I feel stuck. I’ve been doing the same thing, day in and day out for years with my clients. And while I love every single one of them, it’s starting to wear on me.” “I mean, I got into this business to help people heal and I’ve taken loads of CE classes to refine my skills. But it just feels like I’ve hit this invisible ceiling in my business where my income is capped, my time is capped, and my clients keep complaining about the same stuff.” This was the kicker…“You know the worst part — even though I know I’m amazing at what I do, I still feel like I have to justify myself and my rates to compete with new therapists and the franchises. I’ve done everything I can to be successful and I feel like I’ve ‘made it.’ But inside, I KNOW there is a better way and I just can’t seem to figure it out for myself.” Can you relate? I know I can — that is exactly where I was just a few years back. Maxed out. On the brink of burn out. And starting to wonder… how I could continue to do the work I love without working myself to the ground?

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An invitation to you...

I knew there was a better way to work, but I had to charter a new path to find it. I made a commitment to myself that I would figure out how to work smarter, not harder (which, as a Massage Therapist, was no small feat!). I consciously structured my business to honor me so that I could bring my BEST self into my work. The results were clear: — Within 6 months, I doubled my income and had my first 6-figure year. — I CUT BACK the number of clients I worked on (from 25 per week to 12 per week). — My clients took empowered action between appointments (i.e. all the advice I had been giving them for years, they finally followed through) and were getting amazing results. — I felt a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment in my work that had been missing for years. I believe it is time for a *NEW ERA* of bodyworkers. At BodyMind Living, our mission is to help holistic practitioners own their brilliance, break free from trading time for money, and increase their impact and income because the world needs love and light in powerful, practical application.”. ~

Laura

Spaces are limited... Click here to join this important conversation today! 13

Laurie Juszkiewicz :: CREATING SACRED SPACE FOR YOU

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were racking your brain trying to figure something out? I remember one time in particular when I was learning how to make a landing page for my company. I had been at it for TWO WEEKS (technology was not easy for me back then), trying to figure out the fonts, logos, headers, footers and how to include images. I had set a goal for myself to get this landing page completed, and out of sheer determination, I had figured out almost everything. There was ONE MORE THING TO COMPLETE. The link. The all elusive link that would allow me to share my amazing free resource that I had created

for people. I didn’t even know what the link was supposed to look like. I didn’t even know how to create it. I was soooo close to finishing, and I couldn’t figure it out. I’m no quitter, but I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have any tears left. I would have ripped my hair out, but it was way too knotted and matted to the top of my head for me to even grab ahold of. I hadn’t showered in at least two days. It might have been longer. I didn’t really know because I had been sitting at my computer chair for two weeks straight, 12 hours at a stretch. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I pushed myself back from my desk and I said, “I’m going to take a shower.” What I knew from my years as a BodyMind coach was that my body was talking. My body knew, not my brain, that I needed to let the hot water wash over my scalp, my hair, my body, and just wash away all the fucking frustration and tears. After about five minutes of letting the hot water pour over my head, my hair, and my shoulders, I started to massage the shampoo into my scalp when all of a sudden, I had this vision of the link and what it looked like.

Laurie Juszkiewicz :: CREATING SACRED SPACE FOR YOU

YES, the link that I didn’t even know what it looked like AND had never even seen before! But, in the shower, I knew what it looked like, and I saw where it was and how to make it! Just to be sure that I wasn’t hallucinating from exhaustion, I reached out to my good friend Carly, a fellow BodyMind coach, to ask her if the image from my vision was the link I had been looking for. She said, “YES! That’s it.” HOLY FUCK!! I had been in my chair for 2 weeks straight trying to figure all this shit out, and in a moment of taking care of myself, in a moment of nurturing and nourishing myself, in the action of creating space for me to get in the shower and give myself some love, and a long overdue break, I was in fact honoring my boundaries. And, the answer came to me easily.

Navigating

boundaries is

about creating

space for you! (

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YES, the link that I didn’t know how to create.

I believe that we often look at our work from the perspective of an incomplete project that nags at us until it is complete. We just want to get it done, so we force ourselves to work extra long hours to get it completed and off of our list. To check the box so we can feel accomplished. But, this isn’t how our bodies work. We need space to rest. We need space to recharge. We need space to receive support. We need space to dream and plan and create our vision. We need space to connect. (If 2020 didn’t show us this, I don’t know what will.) This space is created when we have boundaries surrounding and safeguarding and honoring this time for ourselves. Boundaries are in everything and are everywhere. Our life experiences and how we feel bring them to our attention. You might be asking yourself, how do I know if my boundaries are being crossed? My answer to this question is your body will share with you when you are honoring and dishonoring your boundaries. Here’s what I mean… Have you ever had that feeling of dread wash over you or felt your stomach drop right after you said

Just like when my body told me to get out of my computer chair and let the hot water wash over me. Up until that moment, I had been feeling stressed out, anxious, and overwhelmed! It was through listening to my body that I noticed these feelings, and that led me to honor my boundaries. My work boundaries had been so crossed, so stepped on, that all that was left for me to do was to push my chair back and get away. I wish I could say that I have never had issues with navigating and honoring boundaries for myself since that day. It’s just not true. Even as I write this article, I am still working on honoring my boundaries in many areas of my life, particularly when it comes to answering my phone when family members call me just to chat during my work hours. What I have come to learn though is this is NOT about reaching a time when all of our boundaries have been set and are all perfectly in place. Navigating boundaries is a constant ebb and flow.

yes to someone or something, when what you really wanted to say was no? THAT is your body talking and letting you know that either a boundary has been crossed or letting you know where a boundary needs to be put in place!

As we grow our boundaries grow. As we change, our boundaries change. As new situations arise, our boundaries get to rise to meet them. In my coaching practice, one of the biggest reasons people share with me of why they find it challenging to honor their boundaries is because it requires them to say NO! No to their parents, their families, friends, co-workers, etc. With saying no comes the fear of letting others down, being a disappointment, and feeling like they can’t be counted on, etc. What I believe is that when we don’t instill and honor our boundaries, we let ourselves down and disappoint ourselves! When we are NOT honoring our boundaries, we ourselves are crossing them. It is our work to push our chairs back and honor the sacred space that we have created for ourselves by honoring our boundaries even when the project/work isn’t completed. Especially then! Boundaries are your anchor. They hold you in place and keep you from drifting off with the current of what everyone else wants and desires. They keep you true to yourself. They are the beautiful case that holds your compass so you can navigate your path.

Laurie Juszkiewicz :: CREATING SACRED SPACE FOR YOU

Because I honored my boundary, because I pushed my chair back, because I created that space to nourish myself, I was able to help and serve sooo many others. Knowing that, how can honoring your boundaries and creating space for you possibly be selfish, letting others down, or disappointing others? IT CAN’T. Period. Honoring your boundaries and saying no is in fact honoring you and supporting you to be in flow with yourself and of service to your family, friends, co-workers, and the world!

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I hate to think of what might have happened had I not pushed my chair back that day and not gotten into the shower. Had I not honored my boundary, and instead just kept pushing and pushing, I know I would have hit burn out and been so frustrated that my resource and all the resources that I have created since then, probably wouldn’t have gotten out into the world and helped the people that they have helped.

How can you start to push your chair back and create time and space for you? What can you do right now to start putting boundaries around something that is sacred to you? What needs to happen to get your sacred boundaries put into place? P.S. Would you like more support around this? Check out my video because there is a little bonus gift inside!

Can you take a breath and a moment to really feel into boundaries? I created a little bonus to help you get started in safeguarding your sacred boundaries! (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO, AND THE LINK TO RECEIVE YOUR FREE GIFT)

what needs to happen

to put your sacred boundaries

in place?

#SacredBoundaries #navigating #boundaries #honor #SacredSpace 21

Laurie Juszkiewicz :: CREATING SACRED SPACE FOR YOU

LAURIE JUSZKIEWICZ Bodymind Certified Coach, Manifesting & Money Coach, Bodymind Coaching Lead Associate Coach & Community Manager, Enrollment Team

Laurie owns and operates her own private coaching practice where she is a manifesting and money coach. She combines her magical woo energy with practical and tangible steps as she guides her clients on a journey inward to discover how they can become financially free from the inside out. She uses Bodymind Coaching as a tool to help her clients uncover their internal beliefs and alignment in the relationship that co-exists between them and the energy of money. When not coaching, Laurie is outside in her zen den or floating in her pool with her family relaxing and just BEing. Laurie loves riding her bike, reading, learning everything she can, traveling to Maui, cooking and playing with her dogs Clarke & Phoebe.

HarmonyBalanceFlow.com laurie@harmonybalanceflow.com linktr.ee/lauriejuszkiewicz FB: Laurie Juszkiewicz FB: Being You Financially Free IG: @laurie_juszkiewicz

What is it like to become a BodyMind Coach?

As a master coach and Licensed Massage Therapist with over 12 years experience, I know there’s a better way to work. How? Because I transformed my heart-centered, hands-on business myself.

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It’s my mission to give heart-centered therapists like you the tools to serve your clients and help them achieve lasting results, without you burning yourself out in the process.

Not so many years ago, I was where you might be right now: overworked, exhausted and on the brink of burnout.

When clients came in and lay on my table, I found many opened up and shared their stories. They’d talk about their stresses and frustrations, as well as their hopes and desires. Even when they weren’t actually talking, their bodies would also share stories of what they were ready to release and the dreams they were ready to fulfill. And when their hour was up, I’d spent around 30–45 minutes talking

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At the time I was working as a successful massage therapist. I had great retention rates, clients regularly referred their friends, and consequently, I was always booked solid.

through the self-care steps they should take themselves at home before our next session. IS THIS YOU? I knew my clients wouldn’t get lasting results unless I challenged them to address the habits, behavioral patterns, and limiting beliefs that created their stress in the first place and kept them coming back, session after session. The realization that massage could only really treat the symptoms of my clients’ stress and not the cause, led me to incorporate coaching conversations into my sessions. Once my clients realized the connection between their emotional wellbeing and their physical pain, everything changed. Instead of showing up for sessions having ignored all the aftercare advice I gave them the previous week, they actually began to implement it — willingly! I’ve since coached hundreds of clients using BodyMind Coaching, and now my team and I want to show you how you can use this powerful coaching conversation strategy to transform your business and accelerate your clients’ results, too. — Laura Wieck

Interested in becoming a BodyMind Coach? Click here for more information.

Lori Hoffer :: HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH

When I was five years old, my parents took me and my sisters for a night out at the Sea Horse Restaurant while on vacation at the beach. Memory tells me this particular visit was either on or right around my fifth birthday and that we were there with family friends who introduced us to this beach town. As kids of the 70s, it wasn’t uncommon for us to join our parents at “fancy” restaurants and lounges where we’d order off the adult menu, drink Shirley Temples, listen to lounge acts, be dragged on the dance floor, and stay out late enough that eventually I’d fall asleep on the table while they continued celebrating life. On this particular evening, my dad asked me if I’d dance with him. I was a painfully shy kid, and

dancing in the middle of a busy restaurant when it was past my bedtime involved a whole lot more attention directed at me than I felt comfortable with. In fact, dancing anywhere that wasn’t my bedroom when I was alone felt pretty damn scary. So I told him no. I didn’t want to. He asked again and told me how much fun it would be and that it would be just a few minutes. I told him no. Again. He acquiesced. I set my boundary. At five years old, I recognized what felt good to me, and I set my boundary. The evening wore on and, you guessed it… I fell asleep at the table. I awoke to being in my dad’s arms out on the dance floor. He had picked me up while I was asleep and was dancing me all across the floor. A showman at heart, he was soaking in the “oohs” and “ahhs” and “that’s so cute” comments from all the other adults watching him — the dad dancing with his sweet, sleeping little girl. It took me a moment to process what was going on. My groggy five-year-old brain was trying to understand what was happening. And then, I realized I was in his arms, out on that dance floor, and he was wearing the biggest smile.

Lori Hoffer :: HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH

I. Was. Pissed. I started hitting and kicking at him and wanted to be put down. I did not want to be out dancing. I did not want to be at the center of attention. I did not want to be awake or at a restaurant lounge well past my bedtime. My dad had completely ignored my clear boundary and my “no.” He disrespected my clear withholding of consent. In that moment, his message to me was that what he wanted around me and my body was more important than what I wanted for me and my body. This is one of the first life instances I recall where my boundaries and consent weren’t honored or respected. My needs and wants for body autonomy came after his wants and needs for whatever he got from taking me onto that dance floor after I clearly stated “no” multiple times. What I wanted wasn’t as important as what he wanted. His needs came first. It was a lesson that stuck and impacted me for years, particularly in physical and emotional relationships. The key to boundaries is consent. And the key to informed consent is boundaries. Boundaries are meaningless without the consent to build them,

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I was not wearing a smile. I did not think this was adorable.

respect them, and hold strong to them. Self-consent is a critical ingredient in allowing ourselves to recognize and honor our own boundaries. We have to give ourselves permission to explore, get clear on, and honor what we want and need. At their heart, that is what boundaries are — recognizing what we want and need for ourselves and setting guidelines and limits to honor those things. And, being able to set and enforce boundaries is imperative to building and offering true consent to others. They are inherently connected, each depending on the other. What I feel like we often forget is that navigating the interplay of boundaries and consent starts the moment we are born. We enter this world with an innate understanding of our wants, needs, and boundaries. We begin figuring out our place in the world and responding to our body’s feedback and messages. Learning to listen to our own needs and asking for what is needed. In fact, these boundaries are designed for safety and survival to keep us alive! Here are just a few: “I feel something in my body. I’m hungry. I need to eat. Now I will cry so I am fed.” “What’s the feeling? I feel pressure. I need to go to the bathroom.”

“My eyes feel heavy. I will close my eyes. I will sleep.” “I feel recharged. And I feel that thing again. I am hungry. I need to eat. Time to cry again!” In general, babies are born with this innate understanding of the language of their body. They are born knowing what their wants, needs, and boundaries are and they will tell us with cooing and smiling when they’re met and crying and screaming when they aren’t. Unfortunately, a baby’s “aren’t met” schedule rarely matches our schedule and as adults we begin the process of teaching them to listen to us instead of their bodies. We use things like strict feeding schedules and sleep training to teach them what we want them to need, when we want them to need it. And as they grow, this training often continues in children’s relationships with others’ desires for them… “Go on. Give grandma a hug. She loves you and it’s rude not to.” “Put on a sweater. I don’t care if you’re not cold. I am cold, so you need a sweater.” “Why do you have to do it? Because I said so.” “Give your uncle a kiss. Go on now. Don’t hurt his feelings.”

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“I’m alone. I don’t like it. I feel scared/lonely/confused. I want to be held.”

“Clean your plate. Don’t tell me you’re not hungry — you have to eat.” “You have to give me a hug and say, “I love you,” before you go because I’m your parent.” “You don’t really have a headache. Your tummy doesn’t hurt. I think you’re faking.” “You just went to the bathroom. You can’t possibly need to go again. You can hold it.” “Of course you should sit on Santa’s lap! You’ll be okay! Go on… I want this photo.” What’s the underlying message in each of these well intentioned (and often learned from our own upbringing) interactions with kids? “Don’t listen to your body, your intuition, your own wants and needs, kid. Adults, and especially your parents, know what you want better than you do.” Let’s take a closer look for clarity. “Give grandma a hug” or “give your uncle a kiss” have the underlying message that pleasing others is more important than listening to your own needs. You should act from a place of obligation and duty to others even when it feels uncomfortable, not from a place of desire and service to self. These especially can be a slippery slope around owning your body, consent, and sexual relations later in life.

Lori Hoffer :: HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH

“Do it because I said so” presents the message of “I’m the parent. I’m the boss. What I say goes. Don’t question my authority.” This can make it difficult to refuse something from anyone who is an authority figure, even those with mal-intent, through childhood and into adulthood. This can show in anything from not saying no to an unreasonable request at work to non-consensual sexual situations. In addition to dictating what their body is saying and what they are feeling, shielding and protecting kids from anything hard, bad, or uncomfortable robs them of the opportunity to listen to their own body and reactions and reduces their natural instinct to set and maintain boundaries. Building boundaries and learning how to give consent comes from navigating the rocky waters of life. Telling and teaching kids to ignore their own body’s messages and consent, and then expecting them to suddenly flip these skills and understandings on as adults, simply doesn’t work. It creates space for confusion around their own boundaries and opportunity for them to be taken advantage of and harmed by scammers, friends, bosses, roommates, and romantic partners.

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“Put on a sweater” and “clean your plate” imply “I know your body better than you do” with a strong message of don’t trust your body and its signals — look outside yourself to find out what you and your body need.

Phew. Does that feel kind of foreign? Maybe a bit overwhelming? I don’t know about you, but many of us were raised with these parenting approaches and didn’t realize other options exist or don’t know where to start in doing things differently. I mean… this is just normal and what being a parent is, right? Telling our kids what to do so they learn how to be in the world and can grow up and be successful? Isn’t that the job? When I pause, look back, and reflect, it’s clear that I instinctively knew what my boundaries were when I was little. I had an innate understanding of what felt good and what didn’t. And like many kids, they were essentially taught out of me with actions and messaging from my parents, my siblings, my friends, and society in general. Regardless of our intent, a common message that surrounds childhood is “you’re only a kid. You don’t really understand the world and what you need. Listen to the adults. We know you better than you know yourself.” So how do we change this? How do we invite children to listen to and understand the language of their body? In what ways can we teach and model what consent and boundaries look like for the kids in our lives? To tell them “You have a choice about things and how you respond is also your choice?” To support them in growing into adults that can confidently say “yes” or “no” based on their own

Lori Hoffer :: HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH

In this illuminating, candid and important conversation, Lori interviews her teen about boundaries and how to make aligned choices and decisions. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO.)

There are simple ways we can open our own awareness in everyday interactions to support kids of all ages in listening to their bodies so that they can set and honor their own boundaries and learn how to respect the boundaries and consent of those around them (including you!). Here are some examples to begin: “Would you like a kiss before going to bed?” “Would you like to be tickled?” or “Would you like to wrestle?” “May I sit next to you on the couch while we read this book together?”

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wants and needs, not those assumed or impressed upon them?

“I heard you say ‘stop’ while I was tickling you so I’m stopping. If you’d like more tickles, you can let me know. I won’t do it without permission.” “May I join you in bed for tuck-ins, songs, and snuggles?” (I still ask my 14-year-old this question anytime she asks me to tuck her in. And yes, she still does!) “Is it okay if I share with your teachers that your grandfather died?” “You seem a little off. Would you like to share anything? It’s okay if you don’t and you can always change your mind later.” “What a beautiful dog you have! Is it friendly? May we say hello and pet it?”

“Look at your friend’s face. It doesn’t look to me like they like that. What do you notice?” “It’s okay if the waterslide feels scary. You don’t have to go on it. It’s your choice.” “Ask grandma if she wants to snuggle or wants a hug.” “You said your belly itches. Is it okay if I look at it? You’ll need to lift your shirt so I can see if it feels okay.” “Is it okay if I post this photo of us on my social media?” Boundaries and consent are this amazing interplay of how we want to be talked to and treated by others, how we talk to and treat others, how we spend our time, what we want shared about our life, and how we listen to our own body’s needs. When we ask children, or anyone, for their permission, for their consent, we let them know that we trust them and their instincts and that they can trust themselves, too. Asking for and giving consent encourages and honors boundaries. Of course, boundaries can be fluid and are not set in stone, just as consent can be given then later revoked. When we don’t allow space for discovering and exploring boundaries or practicing giving and receiving consent from

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“It’s okay if you’re not in the mood for a hug. I’m here if and when you feel ready. Just let me know.”

an early age, then navigating boundaries and consent as we grow and evolve through, life can feel scary, unfamiliar, and challenging. We simply don’t have the tools because we have never been given a chance to develop or practice them. Like any language, the more often you practice it, the more fluent you become. This includes the language of our body and the spoken words to claim our boundaries, give and revoke consent, and experience them being honored. Fear not. Allowing and inviting kids to set and claim boundaries from early childhood is not about giving them carte blanche to do whatever they want and enter dangerous situations. It is not about neglecting them, letting them “run the show,” or shirking parenting/ caregiver responsibilities. It is definitely not about being at the mercy of your kids and always putting their wants and needs first and before your own. There is always a line… a balance… and navigating that boundary can feel just as tricky as navigating any other. There is no one right way or one answer that works for every child. In fact, even within a family each child may have different approaches that work for them. Sometimes it’s messy and hard and just plain sucks. Which, frankly, I find true of all boundaries.

Lori Hoffer :: HONORING YOUR WISDOM FROM BIRTH take a moment. Close your eyes, if that feels good. Imagine how having the permission and invitation to listen to your body while recognizing and honoring your own boundaries as a child might have changed how you navigate your life today.

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As we part today, I invite you to

What do you notice? What shows up for you? What might shift or stay the same moving forward? Remember, you were born with an innate understanding of your own boundaries and not only do you get to tap into that energy, you also get to guide and honor children in your life to do the same.

the key to boundaries is consent. #Practice #Boundaries #No #InformedConsent #BodyMindLiving #NavigatingBoundaries

LORINE HOFFER, LMT Certified BodyMind Coach, Big Change Facilitator A childhood fascination with the body/mind connection led Lorine to a lifelong professional focus on helping clients ditch the stress patterns (and aches and pains!) keeping them stuck. Her skills flow from massage to education to psychology and entrepreneurship. This mighty arsenal uniquely qualifies her to help clients reconnect to themselves, partners and kids so they wake up feeling rested, confident, empowered and ready to own the day. Lorine loves to laugh, curse, explore nature, hang out with her insightful daughter, “get to the good stuff” in connected conversations and notice beauty in every day. Described as having both fierce compassion and fierce independence, she’ll hold space for you and hold you accountable to the big changes you’re ready to claim. LorineHoffer.com Lorine@LorineHoffer.com IG: @LorineHoffer FB: LorineHoffer / Lori Hoffer FB: Life Connected

BODYMIND LIVING SPOTLIGHT :: TONYA LEARY

recognize the

full body YE S !

#BodyMindLiving #NavigatingBoundaries #Yes #movement #Breathe 34

FRIDAY AUGUST 20, 2021 @ 12NOON EST :: JOIN US ON FACEBOOK FOR THE LIVE INTERVIEW

“

BodyMind living is taking time to embody what you truly want and need in your life, listening to your body for what it needs, and honoring it. ... ... ... ... Tonya is a pain relief specialist, intuitive and spiritual healer, and BodyMind coach. She works with people struggling with chronic pain, stress, and anxiety, helping them learn to feel better so they can live their lives with peace and joy. Customizing a treatment plan based on your individual situation and circumstance, Tonya takes the time to listen to you and to listen to your body and personalizes a plan to help you become the best version of yourself. The goal is to restore functionality and get you back to your active lifestyle. “Relax your Mind, Heal your Body, Rejuvenate your Spirit” My mission is “Empowering you to listen to the wisdom of your body.” Passionate about God, art, cooking, health, nutrition, Tonya focuses on healing the mind, body and spirit as naturally as possible through food and healing touch. She has passed her passion for cooking and food on to her children who have learned to love eating and cooking a wide variety of wholesome foods. Alone, you will catch her reading a book or listening to Audible, pulling Oracle cards, painting or going on date nights with her husband. 35 35

BODYMIND LIVING SPOTLIGHT :: TONYA LEARY Q&A What does BodyMind living mean to you? BodyMind living is taking time to embody what you truly want and need in your life, listening to the body for what it needs and honoring it. I have also learned to look for and recognize the “full body YES.”

How do you navigate boundaries? I feel like I am better at navigating them now. The big thing is identifying what kind of boundaries need to be set and where. Once that was done, it was easier to communicate what I needed. And, because it was communicated, if ever I didn’t seem to honor it myself, I was comfortable being called out on it, which was awesome. This process eventually develops into a habit. Communication is definitely key to navigating boundaries.

What common advice do you love to share with your clients that you would like to share with our audience? I tell my clients to breathe instead of to relax. Movement is so important even if it’s just a little bit, and make sure you take care of yourself before taking care of others.

Carolyn Ulitsky :: AN INVITATION TO TRUST YOURSELF

and I am a recovering people pleaser and recovering over giver. As a recovering people pleaser and over giver, I learned that my boundaries were non-existent. Being the eldest child of Filipino immigrants, my job was to be the dutiful, eldest daughter. That means I sacrificed my own needs to support the needs of the family or others. People pleasing and overgiving left me feeling: Depleted emotionally and physically, Unsure about myself and the decisions I was making, Resentful that no one appreciated my efforts, so I would be angry.

Hi! My name is Carolyn Ulitsky,

Everyone does it‚ people pleasing and over giving — but nobody talks about it. I want to talk about it. Yet, this concept of boundaries is tricky for me. Up until now, saying “no” was selfish, unkind, and down right bad. I made decisions based on others’ needs first. My best example of people pleasing and over giving was when I started to build my practice as a muscle therapist. I would say “yes” to working all hours (7am til 8pm) and many times gave away sessions. So, I was working on 12–14 clients a day, seven days a week, with no lunch or break. How could I say “no” to clients that were in pain? It was my chosen career to “help” people. Yes, I built my successful business, and I was exhausted and tired at the end of the day. I had no energy left for myself. This was the ultimate sacrifice. What I’ve realized, now that I have connected back to me and am choosing what’s right for me is: The more vulnerable I am and the more chances I take to “speak me,” everything aligns, Holding my boundary for me is important, not because I am needed by others, but because I need me for me first. Let’s talk about this idea of being vulnerable and holding boundaries for yourself. Inner boundaries are being vulnerable to self. They

Carolyn Ulitsky :: AN INVITATION TO TRUST YOURSELF

Shifting from people pleasing to vulnerable, boundary holding has not been an easy recovery, as I learned that the more I choose myself the more others are triggered in my life. Some of those individuals exited my life. That is a risk. As a recovering people pleaser, it was such a painful process to let go of those individuals without making myself wrong for choosing me. I would spend weeks beating myself up in my head, replaying my actions and words. When I exhausted the stories and really took note of the positive results to my choices, the easier it got to surrender. What I’ve come to learn is that boundaries are the gatekeepers to our values. When you are living your values the boundaries are what allows you to navigate what is aligned with you. It’s an opportunity to build trust in yourself with an understanding of your boundaries and your values. My values are my internal guide post — connection, courage, gratitude, integrity, curiosity, playfulness

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are about creating inner boundaries, and asking yourself (through inner dialog), “Can I do this for me?” This allows you to acknowledge yourself and what you want and deserve, and acknowledges how worthy you are of these choices.

— all of these lead back to honoring me. I have more energy and more time and more creativity when I honor my values through boundaries.

I am my own gatekeeper.

When I trust myself and serve as my own gatekeeper, setting boundaries becomes as series of questions: How much do I share? I am very cautious about how much I let out and in. How much can I trust myself to trust someone else? This gatekeeping is about being vulnerable on my own terms. Sometimes that is about taking a risk, which allows me to share my heart with family, friends, and even clients, sharing a piece of me as they share a piece of them. Together, we go deeper, while also continuing to maintain my boundaries. The result of being vulnerable to myself and doing the inner boundary work around my choices is that everything else seems to sort itself out.

These choices to do my own inner boundary work has shown me how powerful boundaries are. I am even changing the legacy of my family! No more pressure to be a dutiful daughter. Instead, in just the last few weeks, my daughters have shared (via text or in person) words like this: “Thank you for raising my sisters and I to be ‘strong, independent women.’” “I’m glad we communicate… sometimes over-communicate, but thank you.” “I just want to say I love you and I appreciate how you allow me to be myself.” What inner boundaries have you been ignoring? Where have you not been trusting or honoring your needs first?

Carolyn Ulitsky :: AN INVITATION TO TRUST YOURSELF

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what inner

boundaries have you been

ignoring? #SacredBoundaries #navigating #boundaries #honor #SacredSpace

Carolyn Ulitsky :: AN INVITATION TO TRUST YOURSELF

CAROLYN YANIT ULITSKY BodyMind Coach, Muscle Therapist

Carolyn is the owner of SomaWise Muscle Therapy. Her interest in the holistic healing arts spans over 20 years. She is most passionate about assisting her clients in creating connections back into their body, heart and mind so they can live a joyful and full life. She helps her clients relate to their pain and guides them to the deeper meaning so that they can build a better relationship with themselves and their body. Carolyn’s practice is in Pleasanton, California. She has 3 adult daughters and a son in-law. SomaWiseMT.co IG: @somawisemt

Laura Wieck :: EMBODIMENT EXERCISE Wherever you are, I invite you to just honor what shows up during this exercise in embodiment. When it comes to navigating your boundaries, I’ve got a secret and it is something that I personally practice in my own life. It is my commitment to living BodyMind. I’ve come to ealize the secret to navigating boundaries is your body knows — your body just knows. The more you start to tune in and start to get familiar with your body saying yes or no, with how your body says yes, and how your body says no, the more you’ll have a great tool to use to navigate boundaries. Let’s dive in.

can we simply honor what shows up? #NavigatingBoundaries #BodyMindLiving #embodiment #grounded #generosity #BodyMindLivingMagazine #BreneBrown #wholehearted

Laura’s embodiment exercise. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO.)

Dena Halle :: IT’S ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY

— Dr. Brené Brown Sometimes it’s easier (or we think it is) to feel achy and uncomfortable, awkward and clunky rather than to set or honor a boundary that needs to be held, or to have a difficult discussion around a boundary. I call this the “I feel bad” moment. It’s that moment of feeling bad about setting and holding the boundary because it may not make someone else feel good or happy about it. But navigating boundaries for me isn’t about avoiding the “I feel bad” moments, but rather more about being so courageous that I create sustainability for myself. I consider this to be my self-care at its highest level. 48

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”

When it comes to boundaries, people are confused about what kind of boundaries they need in order to survive and live a sustainable life. What is a sustainable life? It is my ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level. It is avoiding the depletion of my resources (those natural resources like energy, joy, peace and happiness) in order to maintain balance, and longevity. This sustainability is important for me because it improves the quality of my life, protects and preserves my energy, my body and mind. My life is always speaking to me in whispers, guiding me to my next right step. That whisper I sometimes refer to as my intuition, the Holy Spirit, my inner knowing, or internal compass. In many situations, the whisper is also my first warning. It’s the internal nudge I feel deep within me saying, “Something feels off.” A small voice that tells me and warns me that what is happening doesn’t feel good and my intuition in my body is taking notice. My body’s physiology begins to change and expresses itself sometimes like butterflies in my belly, tightness in my chest, pain in my neck and shoulder, shallow breathing, tingling in my face and arms, or a pit in my gut that creates nausea.

A boundary is a limit of what is and is not ok for you. Boundaries offer me correction and redirection. They allow me to stand in truth, authenticity, and move through the world with intention. Boundaries help me put myself first. And when I put myself first, I am sustainable. They release me from the disease to please others first, and help me avoid the explosion, the crash and burn when a boundary is crossed or non-existent. Boundaries keep me safe, they are part of my self-care and they strive to keep my relationships, and physical, spiritual, emotional and professional needs in balance, healthy and sustainable. Sometimes I overstep my own boundaries, but this is not anyone else’s fault but my very own. It is my responsibility to be courageous, do the hard courageous thing and maintain the boundaries. Maintaining my boundaries

Whatever form this whisper and intuition takes I have learned that my body is trying to tell me something. Listening to these signs has helped me to recognize and honor my need for boundaries in all areas of my life. If I ignore my intuition, the whispers, I invite chaos and disruption into my life that can cause it to get out of control. And, that is not pretty or sustainable.

is good self-care and sustainable living for myself, and it creates ease and positive flow in my life when honored. A lack of boundaries in any area of my life takes more from my energy than it gives. For example, I once stayed in a relationship that was depleting, added stress, did not feel energetically equal, or aligned, and became dissatisfying. Before I knew it, over time, I was very upset with the person and the situation, which led to resentment. That resentment 100% killed my desire for the relationship and made it unsustainable. It also hindered my full potential. What helps me feel my best? The more aware I can be of myself, the more clarity I am going to get for where my boundaries are. By following my guidance towards what feels good, I am more connected to my intuition. I look at situations that make me feel really good and then compare them to a situation that makes me feel bad. I look inward first to make sure that the boundary is coming from a place of self-care. I then go deeper and ask, “Is that boundary serving me or not?” My boundaries are based on my own work, growth, and self knowledge, rather than someone else’s behavior.

Dena Halle :: IT’S ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY Boundaries are not about punishing or controlling the people around me, they’re about protecting my well-being. My boundaries have shifted and changed over the course of my life. Setting boundaries has been a continuous act of courage in my ever-changing journey. Marriage, birthing and raising four children, graduations, new jobs, cancer, menopause, and an empty nest. I spent time, I paused, I invested in getting to know myself in all the transitions of life. I just spent time discovering myself. I explored and learned what makes me feel good and and not good, and started to pay attention to those things in my relationships, activities, work and home life. I really tuned into that and how it felt in my intuitive center. I let that be my guide and guidance in terms of all things and relationships. And I believe my whisper will never steer me wrong. I become familiar with my values and needs. Knowing and connecting with my values helps me recognize myself as an individual aside from others. Over the years I have nurtured my courage so that I do not/will not sacrifice my values for someone else. How do I set my boundaries? Recognizing my needs and values was not an easy task and was actually quite hard because I ignored them for so many years and placed them on the back burner.

Dena Halle :: IT’S ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY

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Hiking in Eastern Washington with snakes, bears and people pleasing. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO.)

Deep down I know what I need and don’t need, what I like or dislike, what feels good and not good. I’ve had people tell me I’m overreacting and being unreasonable. Phrases like that feel like attempts to test the strength of the boundary I’ve set and am trying to uphold. I’ve learned over time that I don’t need people to be happy about my boundaries. And, I understand that healthy people will respect them. Above all, setting healthy boundaries takes practice. The single most important tool for me living a sustainable life is setting boundaries. Boundaries protect my physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual well being. Boundaries keep me healthy. They make me self aware and force me to think twice about why, what, how and when I give of myself, which maintains and sustains my well being. Healthy isn’t always fun or comfortable. Neither is eating a salad instead of a cheesy pizza with all the toppings, but I am better for it. It sets a very positive message to myself that I am healthy, I am worthy and that makes my life sustainable.

Investing in coaching to identify and get clear on my values and boundaries has helped me establish very clear and healthy systems. This work was a great starting point for pinpointing my needs in relation to the boundaries I must set to have a sustainable life.

I always say that the actions we take and the choices we make are how we communicate to ourselves on a cellular and energetic level about what kind of life we want and also how we feel about ourselves. If I let others overstep my boundaries I feel like a doormat physically and psychologically, which makes me resentful, bitter, and cranky. And this resentment steals my joy. And when my joy is gone, my kindness, love, gentleness, happiness, health, body and mind become unsustainable over time. But, each time I take a step in enforcing and holding my boundaries, I am communicating to my mind, body and spirit that I am strong and worthy. Boundaries are easier to set the more connected I am to my intuition and follow the guidance of what feels good. Are you following the guidance of your intuition? What do you need to become aware of within yourself to set a boundary that will bring you more sustainability? Remember, boundaries are the invisible fences of our lives that are a core part of how we protect and sustain our well-being as we move through the world.

Dena Halle :: IT’S ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY

what boundary do you need

to change to receive more joy?

#Sustainability #NavigatingBoundaries #SelfCare #SelfLove #BodyMindLiving #DaringBoundaries #Sustainable

DENA HALLE, LMT, ACT/L BodyMind Coach, BA Sports Medicine, Licensed Athletic Trainer

Dena is a cancer survivor that is passionate about closing the gap between surviving vs thriving in life, wellness, and business. She guides clients, cancer survivors, wellness professionals and creative entrepreneurs in navigating and revolutionizing their life and business so that they can stop the overwhelm, create ease and build real tangible health and wealth. Dena is a multi-faceted life coach, business mentor and consultant. She combines her knowledge and certifications to create transformational outcomes for her clients. When not working, she travels the world to assist elite athletes and professionals in performing their best from both body and mind. She loves intentional time for exercise, family, friends, hiking, cycling, paddling and floating in the water at her river home and in Maui. DenaHalle.com FB: Dena Halle Massage Wenatchee IG: @StopFeelingStuck

Halinka Van Minnen :: IF I ONLY LISTENED

How do you write about navigating boundaries when you discover you have none? Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some aspects in my life where boundaries do exist… well, maybe one aspect; I have great boundaries with my clients and in my professional life. I respect my clients’ time and in turn expect them to respect mine. I have clearly defined hours of work, when I return messages, and am able to define the parameters of what I am able to give ensuring the client receives exceptional value. Yet, my boundaries seem to stop there. Up until now I would argue that I do have boundaries, they just aren’t clearly defined. I have resisted and revolted against firm, non-negotiable, structured 56

Full disclosure: this has been the most difficult article to write.

boundaries in my personal life, for others and with myself. Instead, I convinced myself that my boundaries were fluid. They shifted and morphed depending on the situation. I convinced myself that this fluid state allows me to take responsibility for how much I am able to take on in relationships. This is bullshit. It’s all bullshit. How can you have boundaries when you are a chronic people-pleaser? How can you have boundaries when you fear disappointing and losing the people closest to you? I was today-years-old when I listened, truly listened, for the first time. Listened to what my body has been screaming at me for a very long time. I’ve been ignoring everything my body was trying to tell me because it was too painful. Physically painful for all the illness, auto-immune issues, rashes, weight loss and gain, injuries… the list of ways my body has failed me seems to be never-ending. Yet, today, when I was brave enough to tune in and truly listen, without judgement, I leaned in and heard: “I haven’t failed you. I’ve been trying to get your attention.” In his book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Henry Cloud defines boundaries as follows:

#Discover #BodyMindLiving #Listen

boundaries define us.

#Communicate #Boundaries #Worthy

Halinka Van Minnen :: IF I ONLY LISTENED

Without having clear, defined, rigid boundaries I thought I was being loving, serving others fully, putting them before myself and living with a God-like heart. I’m learning this is false and has resulted in being taken advantage of, being a doormat and enduring abusive relationships. I didn’t know the part about boundaries that help keep the good in and the bad out. I wish I knew and understood that part. Having these boundaries would have helped me avoid a lot of hardship, a lot of hurt, pain, trauma, and maybe saved a few relationships.

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“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.”

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While having these so-called fluid boundaries, I thought it was acceptable to be mistreated. And thoughts that went something like this would roll through me constantly: “Oh, it’s not that bad… he’s just having a bad day… he must have forgotten… he didn’t mean to say that my birthday isn’t that important... I need to be more giving, more gracious, more forgiving… I should call him more… ” I would accept all that would come to me, all that was done to me, accept it all, until I couldn’t any longer. I would explode! Yelling. Screaming. Crying. Walls, thick, thick walls are built. No cracks. No chance of them coming down. No resolution. Done. I’d be done. If I had just listened. Not to these thoughts, but to me. Tuned in and listened and trusted the wisdom of my body, I would have known. I am being mistreated. Year after year, abusive relationship after abusive relationship my body got louder. Symptoms severe, no longer only felt internally but noticeable on the outside; yet, I still didn’t listen. I didn’t connect it. The symptoms of my body would appear way before I would be done and walk away from the relationship, and I would just blame it on myself. Part of the blame is acceptable and true because living without boundaries means I don’t have a clear definition of who I am. It

Halinka Van Minnen :: IF I ONLY LISTENED

How do I navigate boundaries? I have no idea. Up until now, I haven’t. But that can change, and it starts with setting boundaries with myself. Boundaries that protect my identity. My health. My energy. My safety.

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means I am unable to take full responsibility for my life because everything is a result of someone else’s actions, being done to me, versus me taking control. But that is only part of the story. I cannot and will not take the responsibility for the other persons’ actions or behaviours. I’m learning they are not my fault.

I don’t have a map. This is uncharted territory. I don’t know exactly how it will go, or what it will look like. I do know that in setting and enforcing boundaries, I get to live aligned with my worth. Because I am worthy. I am worthy of having boundaries. I am worthy of holding boundaries. I am worthy of expecting people to respect my boundaries. I am worthy to create consequences for those who disrespect my boundaries. I am worthy. I just have to listen.

To be seen, raw and vulnerable has been the deepest growth dive I’ve ever done. Boundaries are required in order to feel safe. Have you discovered that you don’t actually have boundaries? I did. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO.)

HALINKA VAN MINNEN Certified BodyMind Coach

Halinka is the creator of The Happy & Healthy Place. With her 14 years as a massage therapist, Halinka learned that just treating physical discomfort only provides a band aid approach. As a BodyMind Coach, Halinka works with women who experience chronic stress and pain, helping them align with possibility so they can live happy and healthy on purpose. Her clients discover they don’t have to live in a constant state of chaos. Instead they learn to treat their bodies as a best friend learning new behaviour patterns that beat stress and decrease pain to allow them to be fully present in their life. Halinka also holds a Health Science degree and is a yoga instructor. Halinka’s faith is her anchor and driving purpose in life. She lives in Ontario, Canada. thehappyandhealthyplace.com IG: @HappyHealthyPlace FB: happyandhealthyplace

BODYMIND LIVING AMBASSADORS JULY 2021

As the owner of Intentional Flow, Mary Pat Curran coaches her clients using her gifts of presence and possibility. Mary Pat (MP) was an educator of adults & youth for 13 years prior to attending massage school. In 2013 she opened her own business and in 2018 began offering BodyMind Coaching as a missing piece for her clients’ transformation. Mary Pat loves helping her clients learn more about themselves so that they can grow into their intentions without having to become someone else to succeed. Through embodying their unique values, goals, & desires. MP’s clients not only reach their goals, they become who they are meant to be. Originally from Chicago, Mary Pat currently resides in Lexington, Kentucky with her hubby, children and dog. IntentionalFlow@gmail.com FB: Intentional Flow IG: @IntentionalFlow LI: Mary Pat Curran

DENA HALLE, LMT, ACT/L BodyMind Coach, BA Sports Medicine, Licensed Athletic Trainer

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BodyMind Coach

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MARY PAT CURRAN, LMT

LORINE HOFFER, LMT Certified BodyMind Coach, Big Change Facilitator

A childhood fascination with the body/mind connection led Lorine to a lifelong professional focus on helping clients ditch the stress patterns (and aches and pains!) keeping them stuck. Her skills flow from massage to education to psychology and entrepreneurship. This mighty arsenal uniquely qualifies her to help clients reconnect to themselves, partners and kids so they wake up feeling rested, confident, empowered and ready to own the day. Described as having both fierce compassion and fierce independence, Lorine loves to laugh, curse, explore nature, hang out with her insightful daughter, “get to the good stuff” in connected conversations and notice beauty in every day. LorineHoffer.com Lorine@LorineHoffer.com IG: @LorineHoffer FB: LorineHoffer / Lori Hoffer FB: Life Connected

Manager, Enrollment Team

Laurie owns and operates her own private coaching practice where she is a manifesting and money coach. She combines her magical woo energy with practical and tangible steps as she guides her clients on a journey inward to discover how they can become financially free from the inside out. When not coaching, Laurie is outside in her zen den or floating in her pool with her family relaxing and just BEing. Laurie loves riding her bike, reading, learning everything she can, traveling to Maui, cooking and playing with her dogs Clarke & Phoebe. HarmonyBalanceFlow.com laurie@harmonybalanceflow.com linktr.ee/lauriejuszkiewicz FB: Laurie Juszkiewicz FB: Being You Financially Free IG: @laurie_juszkiewicz

CAROLYN YANIT ULITSKY BodyMind Coach Muscle Therapist

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Bodymind Certified Coach, Manifesting & Money Coach, Bodymind Coaching Lead Associate Coach & Community

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LAURIE JUSZKIEWICZ

HALINKA VAN MINNEN Certified BodyMind Coach

Zenspiration Boxes — Your Life Coach in A Box, is a monthly subscription box service that delivers 7–9 carefully curated gifts to you and your loved ones. We don’t give the same old things like socks or chocolate, instead we support themes that empower women in their life design. Each month’s theme supports our four values: Gratitude, Love, Learn and Play. Also available are stand-alone themed boxes that make great gifts for that special someone. Themes include Gratitude, Zen AF, Navigating Grief, Happy Birthday and more. April can customize for you. Our mission is to help people live an inspired life by giving them the tools they need for self-care, mindfulness and more! 64

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Hi, I’m April Cacciatori. I know what it’s like to wake up one day and think “Is this really what my life is about?” Wake, eat, work, eat, sleep & repeat. That’s why I became a BodyMind Coach and why I guide women through the ever-challenging transitions we face as we navigate this thing called life. I know you secretly dream of being alone on a tropical island for many months with a cabana person delivering all your requests. I’m with you! But we both know that’s not what you’re really searching for. You want that “something more” that fulfills your heart and soul. For that authentic feeling of being one with the world. Introducing the Zenspiration Box, a monthly box of gratitude, love, learning and play that inspires you to get out of your comfort zone and into living life fully. Your Life Coach in a box! Available to coaches as custom introductory gifts to your members. Call or text April at 315-725-1029 for custom quotes. VISIT OUR WEBSITE

A ritual is a ceremony or action that serves as a bridge between our outer and inner worlds. The element of mindfulness, or intention, we bring to ritual is what makes the mundane sacred. In this sacred space, we get to connect deeply with ourselves so that we can live in alignment with our true values and core desired feelings. Much like plants when they are sung to and nurtured, when we are well cared for, we can truly blossom. The simple act of making tea IS good medicine. Imagine feeling calm, peaceful, and grounded as you begin your day with your morning tea ritual. It’s a complete sensory experience. ... .. ... .. ... Seeing the glorious colors of Mother Nature’s bountiful gifts as the dried herbs cascade into your sacred tea mug. Hearing the kettle whistle its triumphant song. Smelling the aromatic bouquet of scents as your tea gently steeps. Tenderly wrapping your hands around the warm mug, soaking in its cozy, comforting energy.

And best of all.. tasting the flavorful herbal tea blend that you know was created with loving kindness and gratitude for all living beings, human and plant alike. All your senses unite each morning to bring you a sense of wholeness and connection, rewire your neural pathways, and train your brain to start the day in a relaxed and easeful state of mind. Rooted in your embodiment. A cup of calm amongst the chaos. Extra digestive support for when you just can’t stomach the news cycle. Help in sleeping through the night so that you wake feeling rested and energized. Focus and concentration for creating amazing content to move your vision for your business forward. Your own personal retreat right in the comfort of your home. Starting the day centered in yourself, grounded in your values, open to possibility as the light of day casts its golden morning glow. Inviting nature INTO your work day with your sacred tea ritual. Knowing that whatever comes your way, you’ve got what it takes to navigate it all when you start your day connected to your body, your energy, and the earth! Tea of the Month — Chill Tea You absolutely LOVE the business you’ve created, you adore your clients, and you’re super passionate about what you do. And sometimes you’re SO into it that it can be difficult to disconnect and put work down for the day. How would it feel to create a simple evening ritual to support yourself in more easily shifting away from your workday? Our Chill Tea formula is just that! Come on over to our online apothecary to read more about it!

About Radicle Remedies Radicle Remedies is a modern apothecary founded by Lauren Piro in the heart of Washington, DC. Our mission is to revolutionize healthcare by bringing herbal medicine back into the mainstream. We envision that by making it simple, accessible, and easy to use, more people will benefit from the healing gifts we’ve been gifted to coexist with on planet Earth. Our goal is to educate and empower you to take your health into your own hands. We offer organic, plant based products that are handcrafted in small batches as well as holistic herbal wellness consultations and programs. We invite you to explore the healing power of herbs and let us help you rediscover the roots of health!

RadRemedies.com Follow us on FaceBook & Instagram

Hi, I’m Lauren! I’m an Herbalist, a Moon Maven, and a Certified BodyMind Coach. Embodiment is my jam, and I love working with folks who are seeking a deeper connection to nature and to themselves! I help women navigate their menstrual cycles and ease the perimenopause transition by tuning into their natural rhythms, bringing their hormones into a more balanced state, and embracing the innate strength that comes with being a uterus owner! My mission is to revolutionize women’s healthcare by creating a space where women feel seen and heard, are treated as whole and unbroken, are valued as the expert of their own bodies, and where we work in partnership toward your health goals through connection, communication, and embracing nature as the divine healer. Women’s health has been ignored, suppressed, and written off for far too long. The “negative” labels ascribed to women like emotional, hormonal, sensitive, and complicated are in fact our superpowers. It’s time we learn to embrace them and take our power back into our own hands! If you’re ready to redefine your relationship to your menstrual cycle at any point in the life cycle, I invite you to connect with me at: laurenpirowellness@gmail.com 67

I come from a family of artists and have always been sparked with joy when creating through art and personal expression. My “art” comes to life in many different forms, whether it’s thoughtfully stringing mala bracelets and necklaces, or designing the perfect calming space for my clients. My passion for massage therapy is also art to me — it’s like intuitively painting on a canvas. One of my favorite childhood memories is collecting stones and agates to polish with my father on summer days in Minnesota. To this day, my father has been a huge influence on my love of crystals and healing stones. Recently we attended our first major Gem and Crystal show together. This shared love of stones extended into my late teens as my father and my step-mother at the time gifted me beautiful stone pendants and jewelry. With these gifts came a budding interest in the stones’ amazing healing properties, which made me appreciate the beauty of these pieces even more. Currently, they both create unique handmade jewelry that has inspired me to start creating my own.

When the pandemic hit, like most business owners, I pivoted my business to offer more online self-care products that could be used while at home and incorporated into daily

routines and rituals. I focused on sourcing high quality products, preferably from local, small businesses whenever possible. However, I also started creating some selfcare products myself. One of these products was gemstone malas. Each mala is intentionally designed and hand knotted using 108 high-quality gemstones, a guru bead, and a tassel. The process of creating each unique, one-of-akind mala is very meditative and therapeutic for me. I draw on my experience as a Certified Reiki Practitioner to intuitively select gemstones, creating malas with specific healing properties: grounding, empowerment, protection, courage, to name a few. These beautifully beaded creations have been worn and used by many different cultures for centuries. There are many reasons that people may wear mala necklaces and bracelets such as personal growth, manifesting intentions, grounding with meditation, healing with gemstone energies and self-awareness. Malas are also historically used as a tool in meditation and prayer. Much like a rosary, the owner of a mala may count prayers or mantras around the necklace, pausing at each bead to quiet the mind and ground the body. For this reason, malas are sometimes referred to as “worry beads.”

I invite you to explore the malas I create to see what new energy they might bring to your life. —Christine, BodyMind Coach

Please visit Honu’s Online Wellness Shop to view the selection of mala necklaces available for purchase. Each mala necklace has a description of the stones used including their healing properties, energies and meanings. VISIT US ONLINE: SHOP / SHOP MALAS / INSTAGRAM PHOTO CREDIT:

ANGELA DIVINE AngelinaDivinePhotography.com 69

CERTIFIED BODYMIND COACHES AUGUST 2021

When she’s not wearing her coaching hat or binging on the latest business and personal development podcasts, she’s practicing her sailing skills and hiking the hills of Ireland where she currently lives with her husband, Devin! CarlyClarkZimmer.com Carly@CarlyClarkZimmer. com IG: @carlyclarkzimmer FB: Carly Clark Zimmer BodyMind Coaching and Consulting 70

Melissa brings her 20+ years of devotion to the healing arts and study of the BodyMind Connection to support you in learning and implementing embodied coaching skills. Melissa lives in the beautiful Finger Lakes Region of New York State. She loves camping, exploring nature, and spending time with her family. wMelissa leads our Coaching Corners calls and is one of the most grounded and powerful coaches you will meet. Sacredshe.life

Julie Kouyate BodyMind Master Coach Julie Kouyate is a certified BodyMind and sacred living coach. Her passion after years of service to women and guiding their return to their sacred nature, is the act of speaking truth. Speaking truth means saying what’s true and on our hearts, but speaking truth also means freedom of expression. To freely express is to live in total truth and Julie guides that process with embodiment tools that connect us to our spirituality and our divinity. Julie runs 1:1 coaching but also runs a women’s retreat business called “Into the Heart Retreats” along with ceremonies to bring a sacred reverence for life’s big moments, and is working on a course on how to build an alter, what it is, why we use it and what to do while we are at our sacred space. MassageArtistryNYC.com FB: Julie Jaffray Kouyate linktr.ee/kouyatehealingarts

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Carly loves making sure the program is running smoothly while helping our members find alignment in their business systems without compromising their embodiment.

Melissa Kelley BodyMind Coach Coaching Curriculum Coordinator

Carly Clark Zimmer is the Program Coordinator and Business Coach for the BodyMind Coaching program. She’s also a licensed massage therapist and certified BodyMind Coach!

Carly Clark Zimmer BodyMind Coach Wholistic Biz Consultant Licensed Esthetician Creative Entrepreneur

Alina McGilloway, LMT BodyMind Coach Wholistic Biz Consultant Licensed Esthetician Creative Entrepreneur As the founder of Core Momentum Coaching of Illumify A•nu•mí LLC, she creates a safe space for creative, intuitive, highly sensitive individuals to learn how to harness their time, energy, finances, and core momentum to receive abundance, live authentically, and become tethered within spiritual integrity in all areas of their lives. If you are ready to align with the abundant reality that has been lovingly awaiting you — Alina is here to help you explore your intelligent human design, liberate your holistic integrity, and anchor within your Root Chakra! Learn more about Alina and her simple yet powerful programs. IlluminateYourCore.com IG: illumify.a.nu.mi

Christine is dedicated to helping womxn discover opportunities to break the patterns and habits around stress to feel best in their body and more present in their lives. Christine and her groundbreaking work is featured here. honumn.com IG: honucoachingandbodywork

Jenn Taylor is a heart-centered entrepreneur and CEO of Sacred Connections Coaching & Energy Work. Jenn uses her 15+ years experience in the holistic community to serve and support her clients’ journeys. She is also a Reiki Master, Intuitive, and Instinctive Meditation Coach who teaches her clients to reconnect with their body and inner wisdom. Her clients know they’re made for more! They want to make a serious impact on their communities and the world and are empowered to make aligned decisions in their lives and businesses. Jenn is a momma to four amazing kiddos. She lives in sunny Florida with her hubby and youngest daughter. Jenn thrives when she’s adventuring, relaxing on the beach, reading, educating and inspiring others. FG:

Jenn Taylor

Tanya Bodsford BodyMind Coach If you’ve ever felt like you’re navigating life completely alone and you wish you had a wise, trusted support system to help guide you, advise you, and show you the easiest way forward, Tanya is here to show you how to find that person… within YOURSELF! Tanya works with soul-searching women that have a stack of self-help books by their bed but feel like they’re living their lives on autopilot. Her clients know they’re here for a greater purpose… but feel like everyone else’s priorities seem to always get in the way of making that dream happen. tbodsford@gmail.com IG: @tanyabodsford

She does this by encouraging clients to honor and love themselves and create a self-care practice that becomes a part of their daily routine.

Jen Taylor BodyMindCoach, Osteophathic MT, Massage Therapist, Movement Facilitator

Christine uses BodyMind Coaching, breathwork, and bodywork, combined with her diverse background in holistic health to best guide her clients to find calm in the chaos.

Christine Tauer BodyMind Coach

Araina Linton BodyMind Master Coach Araina helps overwhelmed women entrepreneurs reduce stress and create the perfect balance between work and life. She is known for a simple step-by-step process that guides women back to their passion to avoid burnout, feel better, have more time, and build their businesses with ease. Finding a balance between work and life is tough. Sometimes despite your ambition, your dreams can feel a bit out of reach, and it can start to cause stress, frustration, and pain. It can be enough to make you want to give up your business. There is a better way! If you’re thinking about closing the doors to your business, please reconsider — introduce some healthy habits into your hustle! MassageArtistryNYC.com FB: MassageArtistryNYC IG: arainalinton

CERTIFIED BODYMIND COACHES AUGUST 2021

If you’re struggling to consistently market your coaching business and working too damn hard to find clients and are BEYOND ready to create ease in your business, Karyn will help you clarify your message and organize your magic into content that connects so you can spend more time in your zone of genius — coaching people.

KarynClaflin.com IG: balancechampaign

Kim Fish is a seasoned massage therapist and bodywork coach. For 15 years she has helped hundreds of people transform their relationship with their body through addressing and managing pain and stress. She inspires others to take control of their health through group and private self care sessions. She is a current student of yoga teacher training through and has shifted her business to support clients in the space between massage appointments. She teaches safe, simple and effective self care bodywork sequences, breath work, mindful movements and meditation so that her clients can feel supported, embody confidence and take inspired action that aligns with how they want to feel and with the life they are wanting to create. KimFishBodyWorkCoach.com IG:Kim_Fish_BodyworkCoach divinealignmentcoach@ gmail.com 603.969.4815

Adriana Morales, LMT BodyMind Coach She started the wellness journey in 2013 by attending massage school and soon found out that helping people connect to their bodies was her passion. She then opened up her own business, Transcend Relaxation, specializing in the emotional aspect of chronic pain. In the pursuit of providing integrative support to her clients, she found the BodyMind Coaching method and now she helps women make positive changes in their lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Adrianamoralescoach@ gmail.com 909-263-6598 transcendrelaxation.com

Now Karyn works with coaches who know they’re here to make change in the world, but feel limited by the way they’re currently marketing their offers.

Kim Fish, LMT

As a lifelong introvert, when Karyn started her first business (as a massage therapist) in 2013, she became obsessed with creating content that would bring people to her, so she didn’t have to go out and look for them.

Karyn Claflin BodyMind Coach, Copywriter

Laura Wieck LLC EDITOR Laura Wieck MANAGING EDITOR Shana Hartman Shana@BodyMindLiving.com ART DIRECTION & DESIGN Sandy Bassett sandy@BodyMindLiving.com DISTRIBUTION Subscriptions questions: support@BodyMindLiving.com To renew or change address: support@BodyMindLiving.com To subscribe visit BodyMindLivingMagazine.com For additional assistance: support@BodyMindLiving.com MAILING ADDRESS PO Box 21712 Columbus, OH 43221-0712 Reproduction of editorial or advertising content without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. ©2021 POSTMASTER: Send address changes to BodyMind Living Magazine, PO Box 21712, Columbus, OH 43221-0712 AUGUST 2021..............Issue No 9 BodyMind Living Magazine is published 10 times/year by Laura Wieck LLC. Periodicals postage paid at Columbus, Ohio and additional mailing offices.

PUBLISHER

IMAGE CREDITS BodyMind Living Magazine would like to honor and thank the photographers below for making their stunning images available freely on Unsplash. Andriyko Podilnyk (cover) Nick Fewings (page 3) Sebastien Jermer (page 8) Lavi Perchik (page 11) Pat Whelen (page 13) Bekir Donmez (page 23) Lauren Lulu Taylor (page 26) Heike Mintel (page 30) Abigail Ducote (page 34) Lomig (page 41) Peter Mason (page 44) Marcia Mota (page 57) Sammy William (page 59) Abdulla M (page 60) Aziz Acharki (page 74) As well, photographs are supplied to us by our team and Ambassadors. Deep gratitude to this amazing cohort of Ambassadors and their courage in being seen and heard here in BodyMind Living Magazine. Mary Pat Curran Dena Halle Lorine Hoffer Laurie Juszkiewicz Carolyn Ulitsky Halinka Van Minnen Laura Wieck

closing thoughts... Boundaries are complicated. Or are they? This month’s musings from our amazing Ambassadors has me thinking and feeling into boundaries in a whole new way. I’d like to share what’s showing up as I reflect on this month’s theme. One realization is that boundaries are not about balance. In fact, holding boundaries is often about tipping the scales a great deal, almost to a full evolution and reboot from where I am in a given moment that feels boundaryless to a new way of how I want to take up space in the world, creating and holding my boundaries along the way. Another realization is that boundaries are messy. We often don’t know what the boundary really is and how to hold it fully until we stumble into it and try it on. That takes practice, not perfection, I now know. Boundaries are also incredibly vulnerable! To share with yourself or someone else what you desire sometimes feels like walking around naked and raw… “Here I am, all of me, wanting to share my desires and be accepted all at the same time.” Pshew. That. Can. Be. Tough. And, at the same time, this process of navigating boundaries might be the most important and rewarding work we do for ourselves. I hope this issue has planted seeds and/or affirmed this for you.

My final “aha” is that I really didn’t consciously know what a boundary was until I joined the BodyMind Coaching certification program and became a BodyMind Coach. Up until then, I was under the impression that my job was to please others, make them proud, do things that others would generally approve of and it was a bonus if I liked it too. Saying “yes” to an activity I really don’t want to do didn’t seem like a big deal at the moment. But saying “yes” over and over to things that are really a “no” builds up in our bodies, I know now. How have you explored your own boundaries? Do you know what they are? How does the body direct us in navigating boundaries? That tug of war feeling in your body might be a sign that a boundary is being crossed. That frequent frustration might be your body’s way of communicating a boundary is required now. I hope this issue has given you some new ways to consider how boundaries can serve your highest self and those around you. Supporting you, Shana

Join Shana for a deeper dive into closing thoughts and questions. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE VIDEO.)

MEET YOUR BODYMIND LIVING AMBASSADORS AUGUST 2021 :: NAVIGATING BOUNDARIES

navigatingBOUNDARIES

BODYMIND

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BodyMind Living Magazine :: Navigating Boundaries :: August 2021

Articles inside

CLOSING THOUGHTS

DIRECTORY

AMBASSADOR DIRECTORY

TRUST YOURSELF

WITH TONYA LEARY

AN INVITE FOR YOU

FROM BIRTH

A BODYMIND COACH

FOR YOU

BOUNDARIES