Lori Hoffer :: WAITING AND WONDERING
for both mammograms and full body skin cancer checks. It’s kind of a shitty club to be in, and I know I’m far from alone. Each time I make an appointment, there is this glimmer of fear that surges through my body. “Is this the time they find cancer?” Recently I went in for a 6-month mammogram to check the calcifications in my breast. They’d been holding steady, and when this scan was clear, I’d be taken off the 6-month rotation. I have a favorite mammogram tech. Her name is Sheryl, and she is friendly, wears pigtails, makes jokes, is so respectful, and totally lets me nerd out by showing me the images as she takes them. She checks between each shot to make sure she got what’s needed because some of these
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A couple of years ago I was put on the “6-month plan”
calcifications are nestled way back near my chest wall. Add to that my super dense and cyst-filled breast tissue and taking time between images becomes really important. It also reduces the probability the radiologist will send us back for more images at the same visit. Sheryl makes mammograms fun! I did not have Sheryl on my last visit. I didn’t even catch the name of my tech on the last visit because she didn’t offer it. She didn’t use my name. There wasn’t that underlying sense of friendliness, of comfort. It felt like all business with minimal compassion. She wasn’t mean or rude. It simply felt like she was going through the routine. Like I was another file on her list for the day. Who knows what was going on in her own life. Not me. Maybe not even her. I almost started crying during that mammogram. I’ve never cried during one before. Or any medical appointment. In fact, I seem to be the rare person who doesn’t really mind them at all. It felt so impersonal for this deeply personal event. Feeling like a number versus a person. Unseen. Uncared for. No sense of communication or nurturing. All business with no sense of compassion.
