I am beyond thrilled to welcome you into our next issue of BodyMind Living Magazine, focused on navigating fear and uncertainty. As humans, we have a deep need for safety and we also have a need for freedom. Those needs tend to push and pull against each other, and in this month’s issue you will see our amazing BodyMind Ambassadors exemplifying just that.
This push and pull of safety and freedom showed up recently when my family went to the pool. It was a last minute decision that filled up the time between my son, James, waking up from his nap and dinner time. After wrangling him into the minivan and carrying his wiggly toddler body and the pool bag through the parking lot, locker room, and around the pool, we made it to our shady little corner of the pool. He was excited!
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dear reader,
about it creates a rush of oxytocin in my body. So, here we were in the pool. Casey, my partner, and I were playing with James, passing him back and forth through the water and spinning him in circles. It felt fun and safe. And then it happened. It was so soft and so unassuming. There was no grand expression to get our attention. There was just this moment where his grip around my neck lessened and his little hands slipped off. It took me a second to realize what had happened, and when I did, a wave of fear rose up in my body. My stomach dropped. My heart started beating faster. My focus narrowed. I turned my head quickly, scanning the water to make sure he was ok. And there he was with a big smile on his face, floating through the water on his own — fully alive and free in the moment.
Once his swim vest was on, he waddled towards the edge of the pool and jumped in. Immediately upon entry, his arms did what they have always done, they wrapped around my neck as he held on tight.
I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
I love it.
A part of me wanted to break down. My uncertainty in his ability to be on his own and still be safe engulfed my body. Is this what it is going to feel like when he goes to kindergarten by himself? When he drives a car by himself? When he goes off to college by himself?
I love that he needs me. I love how his eyes get super wide after being dunked in the water and he immediately reaches for me and feels safe. I love being his rock. I love being his mom. Just thinking
“Do you see this?!” I motioned to Casey to look at our son, contently chilling in the pool on his own.
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