8 minute read
MILDRED D. MUHAMMAD
from Entertainment Issue
MILDRED MUHAMMAD
Q. Tell everyone who you are and what you do?
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A. I am Mildred Muhammad a MultiAward-Winning Global Keynote Speaker, International Expert Speaker for the US Dept. of State, Certified Consultant with the US Dept. of Justice/Office for Victims of Crime, CNN Contributor, BNC Contributor, Domestic Abuse Survivor, Certified Domestic Violence Advocate, Advisory Board Member & Public Speaking Instructor for The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault Advocacy Network’s Advisor, Best-Selling Author, Former Internet TV Talk Show Host, Trainer & Educator, Certified Professional/ Personal Development Consultant and 2022 Who’s Who in America Inductee for the Albert Nelson Marquis Lifetime Achievement Award. I share my story on a global platform as the ex-wife of the DC Sniper to discuss my life of terror, abuse, and heartbreak, all while promoting Domestic Abuse/ Violence Awareness and Prevention.
Q. Let’s talk about your journey and how you got to where you are today?
A. I share the intimate details of my encounters with fear, abuse, and frequent victim-blaming. My experience has strengthened and expanded the scope of my mission. Simply put, I was a victim, who became a survivor, and I’m now a crusader against domestic violence and abuse. At various conferences, seminars, and workshops, globally, I share my story to a wide range of audiences, including victims and survivors of domestic violence, advocates, law enforcement professionals, therapists, counselors, mental and medical health providers, university and college students, and military personnel, about what it’s like to be a victim and survivor of domestic violence ‘without
physical scars.’
After counseling myself and my children on how to survive victimblaming in the face of adversity, I turned my tragic circumstances into an opportunity to establish ground on all forms of Domestic Violence that are often overlooked, such as verbal, mental, economic, spiritual, stalking, and emotional abuse, I have made it my mission to not only speak about the specifics and realities of domestic abuse/violence, but also to be a vessel of support and healing for all those affected.
I’ve discussed the dangers of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) that soldiers face after returning from a war zone, as well as victims who have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am acknowledged and honored for putting my expertise and experience to good use by supporting the Family Advocacy Program and its goal of educating, promoting, and putting a stop to domestic abuse in military communities.
Q. How has your experience been being an international expert speaker?
A. My experience as an international speaker has been extremely rewarding. This position has given me the opportunity to reach out to more people in order to raise awareness about domestic abuse. Many people are aware of the violence, but few truly understand that the first signs of domestic violence are psychological in nature.
Q. Being the ex-wife of the DC Sniper, what programs or resources helped you move on in your life?
A. Although I would like to mention organizations or agencies that assisted me during that time, I’m sad to say I did not receive assistance. This was a high-profile case. My children and I were not acknowledged as victims. No one wanted to hear about the abuse, custodial interference (taking our children out of the country without my consent), hiding and running for my life. My children and I were not included when resources were given to those affected. We were cast aside. I decided to apply for cash assistance and food stamps from Social Services. During the interview I was told the only way I’d receive those benefits was to give them John’s address so that they could inform him that I was applying. I informed them that he is the DC Sniper, and I was his intended target according to law enforcement, and that my address was private. They said, “I’m sorry to hear that, however, he has to be notified of your application for benefits.” I stood up, retrieved my paperwork and told them “Keep your benefits. My life is more valuable than food stamps and cash.” I walked away.
Q. What challenges did you have to face being a domestic abuse survivor?
A. The challenges I faced as a victim/ survivor are the same one’s others experience today. No one believed me, resources are not available, access to resources. My challenges were unique in the fact that innocent people were killed. Law enforcement stated I was the intended target. The prosecutors’ theory was John and Lee were killing innocent people to cover up my murder so John would come in as the grieving father and gain custody of our children. When the community was informed of this, the victim blaming began. They said, “if I would have stayed with him, then he would have just killed me. Had I stayed on the West Coast, then the people on the East Coast would still be alive. How dare I call me and my children victims, when none of us were hurt or killed, and how dare I bring this drama into this quiet community.”
Q. Let’s talk about your books and the motivation behind them.
A. After sharing my story at different organizations, I was inspired to write my story so that it would reach more people.
My first memoir Scared Silent…
When the one you love becomes
the one you fear, was released in 2009. My second and final memoir,
I’m Still Standing…Crawling out of the darkness into the
light, was released in 2017. My other books were published to assist victims/survivors of domestic violence.
A Survivor’s Journal: A Journey
from Victim to Survivor and
Dare to Heal: Journaling The
Pain Away, as well as Planning My Escape (a comprehensive stepby-step safety plan) specifically for victims and survivors to help with the emotions that others may not understand and strategically leaving an abusive relationship, are among other published books that will assist victims and survivors of domestic violence.
Being Abused While Teleworking During Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19) Pandemic: A Safety Guide for Victims of Domestic Abuse/Violence & Awareness
for Bystanders, is the title of my new eBook, which is also available in print, addressing domestic abuse/ violence during teleworking on a global scale, and it is still relevant today.
I have co-authored three books: • The Mom in Me • Media Circus • Ari’el Rising
Q. What is one of your most memorable accomplishments or awards you’ve received in your career?
A. My accomplishments and awards are all memorable. Each one reminds me of the awareness I helped nonprofit organizations, federal agencies, military communities, and corporations bring to their communities, for which I am eternally grateful.
Q. What advice can you give to other women who are going through domestic abuse?
A. There are a few recommendations I would advise for those experiencing domestic abuse and violence. They are:
1. DON’T INFORM YOUR ABUSER OF YOUR PLANS TO LEAVE. 2. Stop re-acting and start taking action to secure your safety.
You know your abuser better than anyone. Rely on your knowledge and make use of it. You won’t go astray if you trust your intuition, spirit, or inner understanding. Ask for direction, resources, and people to support you from whomever you pray to. You should complete a safety plan, which will aid in determining when to depart. On my website, there is a detailed safety plan.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DO NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR PLANS
ON SOCIAL MEDIA. All of your abusers’ followers may not be known to you. Some people might pretend to be your friends on fake profiles in order to follow you and inform your abuser.
Only YOU will be able to tell when that time has come to leave. Don’t be scared. Seek assistance from your local state domestic violence coalition. They can provide you with information on other organizations that can help you. Also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) or www. domesticshelters.org. They are available 24/7 to assist you. NEVER forget that you are NOT to blame for the abuse. It’s never too late to defend your rights. Be wise, strategic, and cautious, though. When you do decide to go, only notify one friend you can trust. Your element of surprise will be compromised if you go above that limit. Choose the appropriate moment to leave, preferably while the abuser is not home, and do it silently.
For the bystanders:
If you know of someone who is a victim of domestic abuse and violence, and you desire to assist; I do not advocate for anyone to put themselves in harm’s way trying to help your friend, colleague or family member.
Before approaching, have your boundaries in place. Ask yourself, what can you do, what you will do and what you won’t do. If you have a significant other, talk to your partner to discuss ways you can help. Once you and/or your partner have come to a resolution, take that person to lunch not dinner. After your surface conversation, ask this question. “How can I help you?” They may be confused as to why you are asking this question because no one asks a victim how can I help. Once the victim/survivor gives you their request, be honest in your response.
Q. Are you working on any new projects or upcoming events?
A. I am currently working on an anthology titled: In The Midst of Chaos. The first of a series to be released in October 2022. This book includes extraordinary stories of others, from around the world, sharing their experiences of trauma, truth, and resilience. For my next two books, I’m looking for more co-authors.
Q. Where can the readers follow you?
A. The most effective approach to follow me is to go to my website, select the social media buttons, and do so. To have you as a follower would be an honor!
