The Quest is a Collaboration Global digital publication
Issue Eighteen
David Liddle
Spotlight on a key collaborator HELEN GILFILLAN
The theme of this issue is:
Courage to be Different
SELINA BOSHORIN GILL TINEY SIMON DREW ANDREA MOULDING
Published by: Collaboration Global Unit 10 Greenway Busines Centre Harlow Business Park Harlow Essex CM19 5QE Issue 18, first published on 1st June 2021 All rights reserved. Copyright © Collaboration Global and Contributors, 2021 While aligned to the vision and values of Collaboration Global, the views expressed here are soley those of the contributors and are not expressions of policy on behalf of the Collaboration Global leadership. To experience a Collaboration Global Community, be our guest and come to a meeting. Register at https://bit.ly/3gcOrT3
For more details about The Quest and about Collaboration Global, visit our website at www.collaborationglobal.org You can contact the team by writing to team@collaborationglobal.org, or to one of the contributors whose contact emails can be found at the end of their articles. The Quest is a publication platform open to members of Collaboration Global to contribute to major debates and issues of concern. Operating within the UK economy, and part of a global economic system, contributors to The Quest hold a big picture. They are personally involved with complex issues that require the skills and intent of many to solve. They are on a passionate, sometimes a life-long search, to secure change in the world and as such hold a great responsibility for benefitting future generations. Collaboration Global believes in working for a world where every individual has the opportunity to be the best they can be: where we are empowered to recognize and honour our ‘innate genius’, exploit our full potential and make our dreams real. We seek a world where business and work are designed to meet a Human need for respect, to be valued, to achieve and to contribute to others. Most of all we seek a world where everyone has the opportunity to have their voice heard and make a positive difference to the planet and humanity.
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Issue Eighteen
C O N T E N T S
About the contributors Editorial Gill Tiney Can you inherit courage? Helen Gilfillan Overcoming Barriers Selina Boshorin Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else! Gill Tiney Courage to be different and the power of our unconscious mind Simon Drew Courage To Stay On The Bus Andrea Moulding Collaborator profile: David Liddle
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About our contributors Helen Gilfillan
A Human Resources professional covering Bishops Stortford, Halstead and the surrounding areas offering a complete outsourced HR service tailored to the needs of small and medium sized businesses. The HR Dept offers a local and personal service with practical support and pragmatic advice to suit your requirements. Support can be anything from a single employment contract to taking on all of your HR requirements with our ‘Advice Line’ Service. Services are tailored to individual company needs as well as offering added-value services such as HR software, Payroll, Health and Safety, E Learning, Training, employee benefits scheme including an Employee Assistance programme. Helen has over 30 years HR experience employed within industry in the various sectors including Manufacturing, Service industry, retail and the public sector operating as HR Director at board level, helping businesses enhance performance and grow aligned to corporate strategy. Helen has worked for Lancaster Garages, Tyco Electronics, Ralston Purina, Flakt Woods and Essex Police and started her own business in March 2019. A CIPD and Masters graduate from the Anglia Ruskin University and Helen is also a Certified Practitioner for Thomas International’s Personal Profile Analysis (PPA).
Email: helen.gilfillan@hrdept.co.uk Telephone: 07443 672963 Website: www.hrdept.co.uk/bishops-stortford-halstead
Selina Boshorin
Selina Boshorin is a Leadership Strategist who helps entrepreneurs and business owners to get clarity on their genius and create a sustainable, scalable business. With over 15 years of experience in Careers Guidance, Hospitality, Events Management, Education, and Welfare to Work, Selina has trained, coached, and mentored senior leaders in leadership, business, and personal development. She personally experienced how being overworked and having a lack of clarity to create the right strategies, habits, or systems can have a detrimental effect on productivity, performance, and success. Selina helps clients to work more productively and achieve success more effectively without sacrificing their wellbeing or the need for perfection and overworking. Her passion is encouraging people to utilize their innate gifts and genius as well as helping leaders to create stronger boundaries, make a bigger impact in the world, and truly thrive.
Email: sboshorin@gmail.com Telephone: 07505 300137 Website: www.facebook.com/butterflytransform
Gill Tiney
Gill Tiney is the Founder of Collaboration Global and is passionate about teaching people how to collaborate. She believes that creating the right culture for collaboration begins with the individual and has the potential to transform how we see and what we create in our world. As an author and speaker, she has travelled the world sharing her philosophies and is proud to be part of the growing Collaboration Global community that holds a space for everyone to reach
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their full potential. She supports them to make a difference not only in their lives but also in the lives of all those they connect with too. Email: gill@collaborationglobal.org Telephone: 07798 601701 Website: www.collaborationglobal.org
Simon Drew
For more than 20 years Simon has been searching and redefining a new version of himself. He has practiced a diverse range of methods in order to fully understand and thoroughly unlearn his own limiting beliefs about himself and his life. He now brings the power of language and all the best techniques he has benefitted from to his work in coaching others. He helps people get out of their sense of stuck that holds them back. He creates openings for all his clients to live in purpose and define who they truly are in mind, body and spirit. Email: simon@saffronbootcamp.co.uk Telephone: 07971 037530 Website: www.fitrlife.net
Andrea Moulding
Andrea founded Perfect Client after a career spanning exhibitions, social work and CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) roles at major charities. Perfect Client was set up to help professional service firms differentiate themselves in a world where they all look the same. Helping clients identify, understand and attract their ideal clients through websites and business development helps people to do their best work and enjoy what they do. She is driven to making a positive difference to the world. And how better to do that than to help accountants to fulfil their potential by helping clients create fulfilling business, jobs and opportunity.
Email: andrea@perfectclient.co.uk Telephone: +1 (509) 210 067 Website: www.perfectclient.co.uk
David Liddle
David is a seasoned award winning Mortgage Broker and property professional at Liddle Perrett Ltd. As a NLP Master Practitioner and qualified coach his approach to business is very much supportive, personal and wholistic. Family life is spent between London and France following his main interest “The Great Outdoors”, covering a variety or adventure sports on land and in the water. Very much a family man, David is married with 2 kids, living in London. In addition to Ultra’s and adventure sports, he is heavily involved with Scouting on a local and County basis, and extremely active in the local community.
Email: david@liddleperrett.com Telephone: 07810 508781 Website: www.liddleperrett.com
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Editorial Gill Tiney
Courage To Be Different Five members of our community have contributed their experiences, knowledge, insights, and personal bravery to illustrate how each and every one of us have an abundance of courage that we can call upon. Helen Gilfillan shares her personal journey with courage as her special relationship with her father that built her inner strength and courage needed to race cars. Selina Boshorin brings perspective as she reflects on Marianne Williamson’s poem ‘Our Deepest Fear’ and discover how alike we really are, I am sure you will find, as I did, lots of similarities from your life too. I continue this theme as I consider how courage is required to conform when it isn’t in our true self to do so. Simon Drew takes up the baton as he looks at our ego and how our conditioning can hold us back from being the change we want to see. Finally, Andrea Moulding moonlights as a Lollipop – yes really! She shares her transformation as she emerges from the trauma that is a cancer diagnosis. Her outlook on life and how she is helping others is truly inspiring. Also, an inspiration in our community is David Liddle who grabs life with both hands. Not content to be brave by himself he helps others find their courage to make the most of every living moment. He is our Key Collaborator in this issue, and you can find out what he thinks about his part in our community too.
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If you would like to meet any of our contributors, they can be found at our Collaboration Global sessions, where you are most welcome to be our guest. Go to our website at www.collaborationglobal.org to book your place. Or copy and paste this link https://bit.ly/3dr63KQ I look forward to hearing your thoughts on our latest issue at a meeting or on any of our social media platforms, and to share if you indeed have the Courage To Be Different. Yours in collaboration,
Gill Tiney
About The Quest Team The Quest is produced by the Collaboration Global Digital Team and is made possible by, you guessed it, collaboration. For her driving force to bring the project to fruition, proofing and liaising with contributors, writing of editorial and case study and being our Team Dynamo we give huge thanks to Gill Tiney gill@collaborationglobal.org www.collaborationglobal.org For typesetting, layout and art, project management of The Quest, proofing and creation and maintenance of our website, our warmest gratitude and huge thanks to Kay Westrap kay@mybusinessmum.co.uk and kay@couragetogrow.me.uk www.mybusinessmum.co.uk or www.couragetogrow.me.uk For his awesome editing skills, thanks to Benn Abdy-Collins benn@bennabdy-collins.com www.bennabdy-collins.com
For her proofreading and chasing skills, many thanks to Linda Burns. linda@lifeinsideout.co.uk For diligently proofing the content and checking for typos, huge thanks to Alan Brown of Brown and Tiney. alan@brownandtiney.com www.brownandtiney.com For proofing the typesetting, design and artwork and generally ensuring that the look and feel are always 100%, our huge respect to Simon Thomas of Toucan Internet LLP. simon@toucanweb.co.uk www.toucanweb.co.uk or www.simonthomas.org.uk
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Helen Gilfillan
CAN YOU INHERIT COURAGE?
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teamwork and collaboration at its best and most supportive. Nothing was too much trouble as this was ‘hobby’ level racing where each race has a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, not dependent on cumulative points to win a season. (I’ll admit not all motor racing is the same when you’re I’ve always enjoyed a challenge, be it studying, competing for world championships, and learning a new sport, training for, and running money!) a marathon, cycling the Cap de Formentor, my most challenging climb of Sa Calobra, in After supporting Dad a few times, I started to Puerto Pollensa, Mallorca, and even a mini get ‘itchy feet’ and wanted to have a go. As triathlon! Also, my decision to leave full-time much as it was exciting and challenging, on paid employment two years ago to start an HR the flipside seeing some of the crashes and Consultancy! near misses, whilst knowing Dad was in one of those cars, was quite horrific! But you can’t The challenge of motor racing though brought compete without obtaining a racing license. about real discomfort on one hand, but so Dad was keen for me to race and booked up much enjoyment and exhilaration on the other. my test; I passed and was on my way. Not being What a way to completely clear your mind of keen on me driving the Austin 7 without safety anything else that you’re worrying about; get belts or anti-roll bars (as if I would roll it), Dad in a racing car to compete on some UK’s well- purchased a Centaur MKV11 which did. known circuits! My first attempt in the car was on a Lincolnshire So how did I come to race? go-kart track where Dad’s friend also raced. Well, that was different! I managed a few My late father started racing in his early 70s circuits trying to get quicker, but a go-kart with an Austin 7, and I started to watch him. circuit is more about manoeuvring corners and The whole camaraderie of the day was a joy; so the odd hairpin rather than speed! Alongside much kindness amongst drivers, each helping this, I was struggling with the racing boots others fixing cars in between races showing and the siting of the brake and accelerator in If you think starting your own business is challenging – I certainly did – then consider how I felt when I took up motor racing a few years ago, which challenged me mentally in an entirely different way!
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“One of my other experiences with the car was filming for TV Series ‘Strippers – Cars for Cash’”
comparison to a normal car and guess what… in a state of panic I slammed on the wrong one to go crashing through the tyres! That was the end of my first session in the Centaur!
YouTube. Basically, they strip down cars and sell the parts between two teams and see how much money they can get. They were selling an engine from a Reliant Robin, which is the engine in the Centaur, and they contacted my Dad through the Racing Club to ask if he was interested in purchasing the engine. My delightful Dad offered to buy the engine and offered me up for the filming at the same time!
I thought Dad would be furious, he was more relieved I was OK, even though the car (and the tyre wall) weren’t! The car was fixable! The nose was a bit crumpled, and the front wheel axis was buckled but nothing that couldn’t be repaired. (I believe the corner is now known as As much as I enjoyed the racing, it did really ‘Helen’s Hairpin!’) push my courage to its limits; being of a certain age with responsibilities and a single mum with My First Race two children, it is a dangerous pastime. Racing Next time out was on a track at Cadwell Park! is predominantly a male environment, I’m not It was the most scary, exhilarating, and sure whether they have more courage or are humiliating experience! I couldn’t believe more boisterous, but I’m sure my Dad expected how slow I was in qualifying and the race me to ‘get stuck in’ on more occasions and itself. However, that’s where you also see to take more risks. I found that really difficult, collaboration working. You need a support especially when my two girls were watching team to make it all happen and my Dad was me race when I felt huge vulnerability. always there for me. Unfortunately, Dad’s aortic reconstruction due So that was the start of my racing experience to an aneurism was major surgery that meant (I say that rather than career)! The biggest he was out of action for a while. Amazingly, not motivation and enjoyment for me was the altogether; two years later, he passed a medical absolute pleasure it gave Dad. I can still picture and was back racing again! He was certainly a him now, hanging over the pit lane wall as I was go-getter and wouldn’t be beaten. whizzing past. We raced for a few more years but the effort on I did have some successes and managed to race days started to take its toll on Dad. So, we get on the podium a couple of times from two both gave up racing and he sold the cars. I have races on the same day. been asked if I wish to ‘arrive and drive’ and race again, but when I think back, my motivation One of my other experiences with the car and enjoyment came from watching my Dad was filming for TV Series ‘Strippers – Cars for in his element and maybe being the son, he Cash’. This was hilarious; unfortunately, people never had! still manage to see program re-runs or on 10
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Courage came over me again when I decided to leave a full-time job as a Statutory Board Director as HR Director of Western Europe in 2019, and to start out on my own! Dad had unfortunately passed away the year before I took this plunge, but he knew it was something I had always wanted to do. My decision followed a few years of procrastination with the final hurdle of completing a Masters’ Degree, a resignation from my role where I managed to negotiate a consultancy agreement to deliver training, succession
planning, and recruit my successor all for my previous employer. This stepping-stone provided the finance I required to keep afloat and pay the bills, during my first year of setting up. My HR consultancy business opened on the first anniversary of Dad’s death coming with the ‘bitter-sweet’ feel of knowing he would’ve loved the fact I’d taken the plunge, that I love what I do and find great reward in passing on my expertise and knowledge to business owners who didn’t go into business to do HR! I wouldn’t
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“It’s (also) important that you realise and appreciate that you’re braver than you think you are, and that anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.”
change my decision at all; the flexibility of great holidays on the Isle of Arran playing all setting my hours, my days of working, and seven courses on the small island. (I plan to go being able to manage my work/life balance. back there later this year to scatter his ashes (ssshhhh)!) I chose to join an HR franchise as I appreciate and rely on that collaboration with other HR Upon reflection, it’s been great to write about professionals; suddenly changing from working my courage as I don’t always feel I’m that in large organisations to ‘going solo’ can prove courageous, until people point it out to me. It’s daunting to come with a sense of isolation. (also) important that you realise and appreciate In my network of franchise owners, we share that you’re braver than you think you are, and ideas, speak about challenges, and have that anything is possible, if you put your mind accountability groups; it works both ways and to it. works extremely well. More recently, joining Collaboration Global has extended those Go do it! collaborative relationships; as I grow, I realise I need experts around me who specialise in other areas of business; not just HR. You can contact Helen at: One of my daughters was doing GCSEs prior to lockdown and now A Levels. It’s great that I can be at home, not necessarily checking over everything, but just being there helps. I get to work on a Saturday and Sunday if I choose to. I enjoy time out to play golf if I want to, having re-found my love of the game recently, another sport I started due to my Dad. We had some
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Email: helen.gilfillan@hrdept.co.uk Telephone: 07443 672963 Website: www.hrdept.co.uk/bishopsstortford-halstead
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Selina Boshorin
OVERCOMING BARRIERS
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It is humbling to be able to contribute to this edition and theme ‘Courage to be different’ as it is one that is dear to my heart, and because I am passionate about empowering leaders and business owners to make a bigger impact, to lead and thrive by being themselves.
strategic, and intentional way, to accelerate our growth, whilst adding to the quality of better leadership. This is something that doesn’t always come naturally because the default pattern often encourages conformity, competition, adopting cookie-cutter methodologies, or even copying others because it feels safer (and less exposing) instead of going against the grain. However, that looks like for us as individuals.
One of the keys I have discovered in a life of success, and a key ingredient of leadership, is in getting comfortable in being ourselves, in having the courage to accept who we are, the things that make us special and unique, whilst also respecting and being supporters of the When we hold clarity of the tasks, activities, gifts in others. and areas of our business where we excel most, feel most passionate about, and are in When we are fully able to leverage our genius, our genius, we will move our business forward, to be comfortable with being visible and minimise overwhelm, and be ready for growth have clarity over our specific personal and and joy, which I advocate, work to encourage. professional skills and talents, we’re able to strategically focus, to operate from a more I have always been a multi-passionate person.
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“There is something infectious about seeing someone else become so comfortable in themselves that they try things that we thought were unexpected or out of the norm” My love for people has led me to train, study, work and volunteer in different areas which have opened me up to different experiences, people, and learning through life. Celebrating and respecting, differences, commonalities, expertise, freedom of expression and creativity.
possible for ourselves, we, in turn, can inspire others to do the same.
There is something infectious about seeing someone else become so comfortable in themselves that they try things that we thought were unexpected or out of the norm, and to overcome their limitations. When we have a leader, who supports us to step into any challenge, to challenge what we thought
For me, an example of someone who stands out as a positive leader, one who has the courage and confidence to be different, is the musician Joan Armatrading.
In my own life, I have served in leadership roles on several boards and stood out as different for many reasons. But that has not deterred me. I have been a school governor since I was 25 and The famous poem ‘Our Deepest Fear ‘Marianne did not fit the stereotypical profile of a governor, Williamson people at many external meetings incorrectly assumed that I was a parent; however, it was This poem and its words maybe ones you’re my passion for education, strategy, and deep familiar with. For me, they were at the heart desire for change that led me to this role. of my earlier life; I did not want to stand out, to allow my light to shine, always trying to What I have found quite fascinating is that be palatable and invisible. Interestingly, in in theory as a society we say we get behind contrast, I also had this ‘spirit’ within that and support those who are different or that made me reject conformity, injustice, and to we encourage people to step out of the box. challenge constructs. However, this scares people as they face how uncomfortable it can be to stand out, and to I remember being in school and having friends challenge stereotypes. I am also someone in different year groups, with different interests, who loves and works well with strategy and something that I have continued through life. structure; but it has its place, and we need to think about how and why things are in place and From a young age I have also been driven by a should be supportive rather than obstructive. deep desire that has stayed with me; wanting to be part of the change process of both myself Despite being shy and naturally introverted, and others, to see their confidence as they step I have always been someone who loved into their next level of growth. The last piece, to try new things. I was experimental and which is particularly poignant, one I’ve seen in pushed through despite how challenging practice, is that when we are being ourselves, things appeared to be, or the limitations that that we can, do, and will inspire others to be presented themselves, and welcomed new the same. opportunities.
Whilst her story may be lesser known for some, I was privileged to learn about how much
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“I have seen in my own journey, and those of others, that there are so many ways we can demonstrate and live out of courage; to challenge the ‘norms’”
of a pioneer she is after watching a recent Joan is a particular inspiration who continues documentary. to challenge the societal norms of gender and race, who refuses to be put in a box, and as a At the time she entered the music industry, result giving a voice to others. there were many preconceptions about the image of performers, particularly women. It I have seen in my own journey, and those struck me how Joan is recognised for being of others, that there are so many ways we someone who stayed true to herself in her music can demonstrate and live out of courage; to and in the way she operated as a professional. challenge the ‘norms.’ This led her to achieve accolades that were uncommon, and so created opportunities My passion for the Arts, and work in different for others who came after her; this continues disciplines, have contributed greatly to and through to today. provided tools for, my growth. These have enabled my speaking and communicator Joan was grounded, confident in her ability, confidence; I am now more able to both express and did not conform to gender, racial or other my opinion, and to better articulate myself in stereotypes and pressures. She was told that different settings. she was talented, but her style didn’t fit, or that ‘they didn’t know what to do with her’ but that Being able to speak in both church and was never a deterrence, rather it fuelled her, community settings has enabled me to move and she found her way to progress. from someone who cried and shook with nerves speaking to an audience of 30, to Her fire was also notable whilst at the same someone who has led groups and who speaks time being calm, humble, and understated, on stages. I am still nervous before and wonder remaining focused on what she was here to do. whether I am saying the right thing, however the focus becomes less on me, but rather on Joan overcame many barriers as a black, my audience, my message, and the purpose of British, LGBT+, woman in music. She achieved what I am there to do. I realise that my hiding many firsts, which include: the first British neither serves myself, nor the world. female singer/songwriter to gain international success, an MBE from the Queen in 2001, followed by a CBE in 2020. 16
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When I think about the theme of being different and having courage, we must lead with our desire to transform so that it outweighs the fears that arise. To reach that place, things internally and behind the scenes require addressing faith in ourselves; the connection we have with our values; the required personal development; the necessary support and encouragement from mentors, friends and families who help build self-acceptance and gain confidence as a person. All activities and people who encourage a more deeply rooted purpose that enables the ability to keep getting back up. Although the journey started much earlier, I will always see becoming 30 as a notable milestone and turning point. It is the point where I became the most comfortable and confident in my skin,
fully accepting of my skills and expertise and that it was truly OK to be different. As I prepare to become 40 at the end of the year, I am excited about what lies ahead. Gill and the work of Collaboration Global stand as a powerful example of visionary leadership and as a positive force of change, inspiration, and courage. It is a movement that champions individuality and self-expression, bringing together different expertise and leaders under a common purpose, shared values, and respect. It is through such that we create change and growth in the world. You can contact Selina at: Email: sboshorin@gmail.com Telephone: 07505 300137 Website: www.facebook.com/butterflytransform
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Gill Tiney
DON’T BE AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT, BE AFRAID OF BEING THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE!
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“It felt that I was living a half-life
because that courage evaded me.”
I have never considered myself to be a brave When I was younger, I was desperate to fit in, person. to keep my head below the parapet and not be noticed. As the years passed, I found myself In fact, I am by my own admission, a big wuss: picked out to shine for the school; I hated it. I will never jump out of an aeroplane, bungee jump from a bridge in New Zealand or go cave One day my friend and I were summoned to diving in the Pacific Ocean. the Head’s office and the whole class were thrilled that we were in trouble, it was a tough It used to worry me that I didn’t have the courage school, and we were in the roughest class, so to take the leap – literally! I felt I was lacking, they assumed that we were in trouble. In reality, that other people were special because they the Head had asked us in, to thank us for our could take that leap and I wasn’t brave enough continued good work and congratulated us on to even consider it. It bothered me, but not being a ‘shining example’ for our school. We enough to face the fear and do it anyway. were mortified! It felt that I was living a half-life because that courage evaded me.
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What story could we concoct on the way back to the classroom to convince our classmates
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that we’d been told off – and in the process achieve kudos with the cool kids – and fit in. At 16 it slowly dawned on me that there were some groups I didn’t need to be part of. But I loved those girls, I learnt so much from their lives, their joy of life, and no regard for authority. Work beckoned, no university for me, I didn’t have the courage to go against what was the norm for my family – ‘people like us don’t go to university.’ At work it was harder to fit in as I and my new friend were the only women in a group of thirty-five men. Thirty-five misogynistic, sexist,
set in their ways men. I learned very quickly to be better than them and so earn their respect and a place at the table. Rapidly promoted, I soon found myself as project manager for an early 1980s £13 million development project. I didn’t have time to look for my courage; I had to get on with the job in hand and not think too much about being different. I was the only one in the local authority who had the ear of the tenants and so able to ensure smooth handovers. It was not a happy time. People who know me now might be surprised at the efforts I went to so that I could blend in.
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Life has a habit of throwing you curve balls: with the birth of my first daughter, I suddenly realised that I was invincible! I had created a whole new human for goodness-sake; you can’t get any better than that. I could achieve anything!
to a new house, and put an extension on ours (adding 50% more) all while raising two children, and working in the family business. Finally taking my GTP qualification to become a primary school teacher – now THAT took courage!
No need to hide anymore. I left my local authority job that had constantly left me feeling inadequate and impotent to do anything meaningful (I was once told I was not allowed to sign up for the assertiveness training as I was already too bossy! (In a room full of men!))
Mostly though, it needed hard work – I was good at hard work. I didn’t realise it then, but I was also honing my leadership skills.
Instead I supported my husband from the sidelines as we built our first business together. I was free for the first time and so went back to learn, gaining my BA Hons degree in Education, started and ran a ballet school, worked as a teaching assistant, helped my parents move
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Discovering I loved the feeling of presenting not just to a classroom but to a whole school. Finding the courage in standing out, going against the grain, thinking on my feet, sticking up for the underdog, and being the underdog! I was also remembering how much I didn’t like injustice, how I didn’t like sexism, how I wanted a fair world, a safe world for our children. The seed for my own transformation was still being
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“I was doing what I had been born to do, so, no courage was required for Collaboration Global isn’t about me, it is about possibility”
sown. achieved but not brave enough to step into the Courage grows when you are being brave for light. It felt weird not to have him by my side, others. although as time went on, he was more and more absent. Throughout my life I have slowly and inextricably moved towards being a leader. As we grew the community, we realised we wanted different things from the business, and One of my best friends remembers the day we went our separate ways. Now I truly had to we met and how she told me on that very day, step up and be the change I wanted to see. thirty plus years ago, that I was a natural leader. I thought she was crazy. Now 87 years old she Yet I didn’t need courage. It had never felt more reminds me of that conversation and tells me right, more in tune with who I was, and what she saw courage in me back then and is so the community wanted to achieve. I was now proud of my achievements to date. on the path to my purpose. It has taken me a while to find the courage to Looking back, I should have been worried, I step into the person I am today, and I am so should have been waking up at night concerned grateful to her for voicing that when I was just for the future. 27 years old. I should have been screwing up my courage As a founder of a collaboration organisation and facing each day putting on my bravery like (pre-runner to Collaboration Global) I had a an armour. But it really wasn’t necessary; partner. I was doing what I had been born to do, so, no Again, I was passionate about what could be courage was required for Collaboration Global Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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isn’t about me, it is about possibility. It is a group in the same direction as everyone else, I have of people coming together with the express the courage to be different and choose to wish to make our world a better place. swim against the tide of fear, scarcity, and competition. My role in Collaboration Global is to be a servant leader, to hold the vision, to share the Together we are stronger, together we will find mission and find ways to spread the culture of our destiny, and together have the Courage To LOVE, CONNECTION, and ABUNDANCE. Be Different – For a better World! With Love as our fundamental value, there is You can contact Gill at: no need to be brave, we are working together to make an impact for good. Email: gill@collaborationglobal.org Telephone: 07798 601701 We have fun, we help each other, and we make Website: www.collaborationglobal.org a difference. I am now happy to know that I am not swimming 24
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Simon Drew
COURAGE TO BE DIFFERENT AND THE POWER OF OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND
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Courage - (NOUN: The ability to do something us to be more reliant on ourselves. that frightens one; bravery) This is in fact not our ‘ideal’ true nature. To - (PREPOSITION: Expressing motion in the There is a lack of a broader support system direction of a particular location) in and around our modern families and communities. Think grandparents, aunties & Be - (VERB: Exist. Be present) uncles, cousins, brothers & sisters and those other closely tied friends and acquaintances. Different - (ADJECTIVE: Not the same as These are not literally within arms-length to another or each other; unlike in nature, form, offer a range of support options and care ‘on or quality) the fly’ as they were all those years ago within An accurate definition of any statement allows the tribes of our ancestors. us to relate with accurate context. Here I present a general held view of how individual These tribal interactions were the foundations human beings are responsible for creating of how our ancestors got to experience a sense of a fulfilled life in harmony with nature and their own identity in this lifetime. each other. They were at peace among their By understanding this process, we can begin to fellow tribespeople and were fully integrated understand the relevance and potential of the in their own truth of their reality. various options available to us ‘to be different’. In our modern times the sense of being alone and being overwhelmed is truly tangible. A little about human history… A lifetime as a modern human, living in a modern society such as we do, has become, for arguably most, a challenging journey. Our culture is generally not one of supportive connection, unlike the tribes we would have inhabited our whole lifetime, just a few thousand years ago.
Taking a much broader view our current world from above, it is easy to see why many of us, in fact a vast majority of people living in the modern societies that inhabit much of our planet, have a deep sense of disconnection, loneliness, fear and lack confidence and power in ourselves.
Cultural and societal changes have conditioned The somewhat awkward truth is, we are Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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intellectualised apes with an oversized, we become different without consciously overthinking anxious brain trying to survive choosing to? alone without the social constructs our nature For simplicity, let us assume there are two truly craves. primary ways humans change their way of being: A few questions How can we as humans rise above the condition we see as life in our modern world?
• Conditioning • Choice
How can we change our relationship to Conditioning – Natural, unconscious change ourselves and have a new perspective on the beliefs we have about our world and how To create real context here, I will relate to my we perceive it and forge our ‘courage to be own life experience. different’? As I grew up, I was almost entirely unaware How can we take a stand for something that that my circumstances, the family I lived aligns with the visions we truly, deep down within, the environment of school, my friends, wish and indeed can create for the future of and extended family etc, were causing me to our own life, our relationships, our work, and naturally condition myself to be a specific way life on this planet? about almost everything. I was aware that from an early age I was being Back to that English definition. taught about right and wrong in a significant way. It felt like a big part of any conversations with my parents and brothers throughout my What makes a person different? childhood. Why would we wish to be different? And My brothers and I were normal kids… and we then there is another option here…how have were always afraid of our dad getting home 28
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“...we were always afraid of our dad getting home” and the consequences of his learning of We naturally create patterns of mental and whatever I/we had ‘done wrong’ that day was physical responses that help us to avoid rea high stress, anxiety filled time. living what we perceive as threatening / damaging events or situations. Indeed, in my family home, we were all on constant alert to react accordingly to my dad’s In my own understanding of my life, at the time seemingly unjustified, cruel words and actions. of their inception, my filed statements occurred It made no sense at all at the time. more like sensations that stopped me doing things. As time moved on, I continued to naturally learn how to adapt and survive. I had no As I have looked back in time to specific idea I was forming my identity throughout events, I’ve been able to pinpoint and define the experiencing of my life’s events and my the statements by uncovering the events, the reactions to those events. associated specific words, images, feelings and sensations I logged in my memory. I do know that I related to almost every day as a negative day of suffering. My default became Some significant statements from my internal that I just pushed the days experiences behind dialogue are: me and tried to forget them. • I’m not good enough Our human conditioning is mostly unconscious • I’m worthless to us. We may have a brief ‘knowing’ that an • I’m unlovable event that has just occurred has or will change • Everything is pointless our behaviour into our future. What occurs next, is the unknowing or forgetting that we The power broker in your life is the voice that made that decision for ourselves. no one hears. How well you revisit the tone and content of your private voice is what determines This is humans being their true nature. We the quality of your life. It is the master storyteller, experience a stressful event and create habits and the stories we tell ourselves are our reality. and patterns to avoid that ever happening — Dr. Jim Loehr again. Hearing the same, relatively constant, Every single one of us begins anything in negative chatter in my head (and occasionally life by relating to ourselves inside our heads. experiencing it leaving my mouth) over and Before this point there is only sensations and over again has been so painful at times. My perception that cannot be understood and conditioning was deep and painful to live. classified. And you the reader, I am sure, have experienced Once we have words, we use them to relate yourself in a similar, ‘worse’ or, ‘better’ way to our perceptions and feelings, define inside your own mind. them (through repetition) and then file that information in our memory. Choice – True courage: How to create ‘authentic’ choice to be different in your life Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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“Your ‘courage to be truly different’ lies beyond the listening of the little voice” I believe the most courageous thing anyone can do is look inward to develop a strong understanding of oneself. Collaborations are more successful when those participating are aware of their own innate power. Your power lies inside you, not outside.
That little voice will continue to say those things to you in your head and you will, very likely, at some point, find yourself disempowered by its compelling dialogue.
Please read the above sentence one more time.
This will happen because you still believe that little voice is you. It sits in the background, it’s you speaking to you in your head, like it’s the truth.
If you choose to begin your journey of selfdiscovery, understanding your own stories from the past and present, a sense of true ‘different’ then becomes available. It becomes a natural, evolving, and creative release of you.
Remember that time you thought of that great idea, then talked yourself out of it? This is the place you live in the context of the stories you’ve always told yourself, conscious or unconscious as ‘the truth of who I am’.
You find the real you.
The ego (Yes, that little voice) can be your friend. I know this, as my own ego is now my As your awareness builds you learn to unlearn friend. and bring new context to the events of your past and your experience right now. You learn I wholeheartedly hope you take on being to rewrite your own stories of who you are and courageous, work through your own stories how you want to be. There are some really and make that little voice a friend you can simple and easy ways to do this once you call upon when needed, rather than without begin to recognise your patterns and that little question. voice more efficiently. Your ‘courage to be truly different’ lies beyond If you choose to continue as your conditioned the listening of the little voice. self, to some degree, you will always be a partially ‘compromised’ version of yourself. Which leaves one question. Many people are very happy with who they are and that is wonderful for them. A huge majority How could you embrace being different and change... of the population lives here. There is something else marvellous available in taking a journey down the highway of introspection and releasing any patterns you have, no matter how seemingly inconsequential they may be. In the context of being truly ‘different’, without this deeper work of introspection, anything you create is layered on top of the more fragile sense of who you are. 30
...your entire world? You can contact Simon at: Email: simon@saffronbootcamp.co.uk Telephone: 07971 037530 Website: www.fitrlife.net
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Andrea Moulding
COURAGE TO STAY ON THE BUS
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“I have a whole cupboard of unopened medical letters, covered in dust.”
‘Courage’ (for me) conjures up images of knights and dragon-slaying, but the original word comes from the Latin ‘cœur’ or heart. Brené Brown, in her TED, relates it more to vulnerability:
Having cancer was incredibly hard to navigate on so many levels. Suddenly all the things I took for granted, like earning a living, ground to a halt.
People meant well but the ‘Little book or Hugs’ ‘To tell the story of who you are with your whole and wall plaques that say things like ‘It doesn’t heart.’ define you!’ weren’t what was needed. I admit to withdrawing from the world and found it a Understanding how having the courage to be very lonely and scary place. different, was a liberating experience for me, I In a total state of panic, I found it difficult to read need to wind back to April 2018. the literature they gave me from the hospital. Having been to the doctor with a breast lump, It’s medical, dry, and ended up scaring me I was confidently reassured that it was nothing more. The NHS and Macmillan were brilliant, referring me to the hospital to ‘put my mind their pamphlets were packed with information; at rest.’ I viewed it all as a day out but once I but so dull. Especially if like me and you were in had a scan, biopsy and was taken to the ‘quiet the same situation, in no state to take much in. room’ I knew I was in trouble. Diagnosed with I have a whole cupboard of unopened medical stage 3 breast cancer, my world fell apart. I letters, covered in dust. Every time I had an couldn’t work and found the whole experience appointment, I saw the consultant’s mouth move but the words went over my head. completely terrifying.
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My best friend, a nurse, gave me the best piece of advice to help me cope with my diagnosis Although I continually repeated ‘Stay on the and treatment. Bus’ to myself whenever things got rough, I still found the whole experience lonely and scary. That was to ‘Stay on the Bus.’ She told me I am in the system and that ‘bus’ will take me where I Feelings of being pathetic were compounded needed to go. It would be bumpy but to cling on by well-meaning people who described my tight and it would take me where I needed to be. treatment as some sort of war. “You must ‘fight’ This became my mantra and helped me steer it,” “you are a ‘warrior’, and you need to ‘win this through the operations, chemo, radiotherapy, battle’.” and anxious appointments waiting on results. As Marie Ennis O’Conner says in her blog; What’s this got to do with daring to be different, ‘Cancer isn’t an opponent in some war game you especially when you have cancer? can stomp out by mindset and determination.’ Not only did I become compliant with the Having treatment is exhausting enough without doctors, but my role in the family also changed. the pressure to be brave and daub yourself with blue paint before your next chemo treatment. The children no longer bothered me with problems and my Mother promptly arrived After two years, more surgery and the agonising with a container truck of cleaning products. I waits for results, I finally got the all-clear. was reliant on everyone to give me lifts for my chemo treatment and even when I did drive, I It’s strange; although of course I went to the pub never ventured far. to celebrate, I remember feeling very empty. Attempting to take some control back I chopped off my hair before it all fell out, this followed standing in the hospital car park where my hair suddenly started coming out in clumps and blowing away in the wind.
Apparently, this is very common with cancer patients. Suddenly, after being (intensively) in the system the apron strings are cut, and you are given an appointment for a year later.
The fear that remains in your system, doesn’t On getting home, we drove straight to the local suddenly stop. barbers and for me to have my head shaved with a number one. It wasn’t the empowering Even as I write this, I can feel it (the fear) rising experience I had hoped for; I bawled as my in my stomach. mass of curly locks fell to the floor. Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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At Christmas, we found another lump and was referred for a scan. It was all fine, but that terrible dread dominated again. Even to this day I can’t watch ‘Afterlife’, no matter how many awards it won.
might help others. The biggest problem I had was that the handfuls of medical information they piled on me made for terrifying reading.
I wanted to create something that women going through diagnosis and treatment would Having initially got the all-clear I set up my want to read or watch. business: ‘Perfect Client’ with my partner to help accountants understand, identify, and So, I created a persona: Lolly Pop, a virtual Lollipop Lady, to help women ‘Stay on the Bus.’ attract their ideal clients. To encourage accountants to stand out and be I set up my own YouTube channel and wrote brave enough to turn away clients that aren’t a an irreverent guide on what to expect from diagnosis through to chemo. I tried to make it joy to work with. lighter, giving them advice that I wish I’d had. With the national pandemic, however, the focus of our business changed, and I had to learn a I decided that Lolly Pop had to be a largerwhole new set of tools including video editing. than-life character, so her head was made from an old beach ball and papier mache. Her Reflecting on my time in the cancer system I pink head is a nod to being bald and is pink, decided to do something to help women like not only because it was the only paint in my daughter’s art box, but because it represents me. breast cancer. I made her lollipop stick out of a I thought back to the most useful piece of advice pizza box and a drumstick. that I’d received: ‘Stay on the Bus’, and how it Remember, I normally work with accountants, 34
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“Having the courage to be different is something that we all need to do in our personal and professional lives. ” so this was way out of my comfort zone. Using my new software, I made a bunch of videos such as ‘How does chemo turn you into a dinosaur?’ with a heavy metal soundtrack. Alongside these types of videos, I would stick on my large painted head, with my luminous yellow jacket and talk directly to the camera. It was around this time I came across Gill Tiney and Collaboration Global. In her Friday Club House group, she talked about the importance of being vulnerable; this struck a chord with me.
and guidance will forebear watching the videos; knowledge is power, and if people aren’t scared, and sit through the videos, they’ll be armed with a little bit more information that’ll help them through their treatment. I am also hoping that Lolly Pop’s ‘Stay on the Bus’ will help women in the breast cancer system who can’t connect with the traditional material. It has taken me ages to feel comfortable on camera, but then there aren’t many people who dress up as a Lollipop Lady.
I know I don’t have all the answers and need She said: if you want to move forward in life and look forward to collaborating with other you can’t be frighted to put yourself out of your people, both professionals and experts by comfort zone. experience, to share their input and wisdom. Lolly Pop was certainly that for me. Not only was the whole persona totally ‘out there’, my guide for people to download, was very personal. That said, I made the decision that it was the information that needed to be heard and gave it to a couple of women who had also gone through the system; they both said they wished it had been available before they’d had their treatment. That was enough for me, and with Gill’s advice ringing in my ears I made my first video and Lolly Pop was launched.
Daring to present the channel and write the guide has helped me in so many ways. The fear has never really left me, but I’ve gone from blocking any thoughts of my cancer journey to facing it head on. Not as a ‘warrior’ but as a big, pink-headed Lolly Pop. Having the courage to be different is something that we all need to do in our personal and professional lives.
I called myself Lolly Pop and wore green Speaking from the heart makes us vulnerable, sunglasses in attempt to hide my identity. and as Gill says, ‘that’s when the magic happens.’ It has for me. With two teenage daughters, and a high level of personal embarrassment I found it easier. I can honestly say I haven’t come across anything You can contact Andrea at: like it on YouTube or Facebook. In writing this article, my cover is blown but ‘(s)he who dares Email: andrea@perfectclient.co.uk wins.’ Telephone: +1 (509) 210 067 Website: www.perfectclient.co.uk My hope is that people who need reassurance Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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Profile: Taking a look at a key Collaborator in the community.
David Liddle
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Who is David Liddle?
work it out on the way” type of guy. I am always prepared, and if caught short on a It’s an interesting question - why do so many day out in the hills the chances are I will have people struggle to answer the “I am a . . . something in my bag to solve the problem. “question? I am a husband, father, active parent (the two are different), son, brother and outdoor What fills you with joy? sports enthusiast. Camping with the kids. Paddle boarding out to I am an extremely active Scout leader. a sand bar and cooking fresh mussels on the beach. I am a Mortgage Broker, qualified coach, ultrarunner, cyclist, paddle boarder and paraglider. Jousting over a cheese fondue (if you’ve met my family, you’d know it’s more like Mortal I’m a lateral thinker and problem solver and Kombat). always willing to have a go at anything new. In Sitting round a campfire with a glass of wine work I am compliance driven. roasting marshmallows. There is something Out of my work environment especially when about the smell of logs on the fire and watching it comes to outdoor sports, I’m a “jump in and the flames dance in the dark that simply brings instant relaxation, and a total escape from the
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electronics and unnaturally rushed data input that has become so much of our lives. Those bonding moments sat in with good friends watching the smoke rise into a star lit sky. Life’s simple pleasures that make you belly laugh till you cry - a good laugh in good company solves all life’s challenges. Generally being outdoors in any weather at any time of the year – it’s good for the soul to blow the cobwebs away on a regular basis.
achieving things they would not otherwise have done. Whether it is new physical experiences such as sailing or camping or tasting new things from around the world it’s often a new experience for many. This week I had some of our leaders eating locusts and meal worms, and the funny thing is that their responses were identical to when I did it with the Scouts. When you see a person move from euwww, yuck, no way, not touching that . . . to oh . . . that’s actually quite nice, can I take another one for my other half (leader talking), that is my goal achieved.
What is your reason for BEing? Or in other While I always over prepare for events and words what are you passionate about? activities (I love my kit so tend to overpack), I am not shy about getting stuck in at short I am hugely passionate about expanding notice. Sometimes it’s good to simply get stuck horizons and experiencing different things. in, after all what is the worst that can happen? PS Surströmming is next on the list! With my volunteer roles with the Scouts, it is incredible to see the change and growth in the If you could choose one Collaboration Global young people and the adults. behaviour or value that you identify with what might that be? With a little enthusiasm and encouragement, I’m in the very fortunate position to be able to We do not judge ourselves or others but accept help young people get out of their comfort people for who they are. zones, away from their tech, and get them
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I work in financial services principally as a mortgage broker. As such I see people from all walks of life and all circumstances. Finance is a confidential subject for most, as the majority of society attaches a lot of subconscious, and conscious, judgement to people and their perceived financial status.
before letting your barriers down in a safe environment, and in doing this we miss so much of the experience of connecting with other individuals. The people I have met in Collaboration Global are all different, however there is huge strength in values and character that bind them.
I approach all conversations with clients openly, and listen to understand and help, rather than to judge.
The help and guidance that I have received from them has been superb. It’s a refreshing politics free community.
You are a founding member of Collaboration Global, can you share what your experience has been since you joined?
This issue of The Quest has focused on ‘Courage To Be Different, how do you see that manifest in your life?
So often in life we do not take the time to be present and get to know those we meet, and we talk to the mask that we think they are wearing and not the real person they are.
I’m not sure if this is part of an extended midlife crisis (my wife will tell you otherwise), but I definitely have a “jump in” attitude especially when it comes to the fun stuff.
It’s a normal human approach to be guarded
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“For me the commitment to do something is when I actually sign up.”
So many people miss out on valuable experience, training in the perfect way to achieve a desired outcome, when in reality much of the experience is actually in the journey. Clichéd? Do kids have more fun splashing about in the river or having that perfect paddle?
in the dark when your spatial awareness is dramatically altered. Get cold and wet. Push yourself till your legs wobble with fatigue. It’s incredible how much more you appreciate the warmth of a fire and a warm glow of a pair of thick socks afterwards.
For me running an ultra-marathon is actually Are you free to operate within your Genius? run in the preparation, not on the day of the What does that mean for you? event. Most of the time! For me the commitment to do something is when I actually sign up. With the very best of intentions much of my working life is reactive, as things change in a I find that I benefit mentally and physically dynamic manner as things come together and from the meditative routine, and the sense of as we are involved in helping people buy their measured control that it affords me in the run dream home for example. Client decisions are up to an event. It is almost a metaphor for life, in typically emotionally driven. not only achieving the goal, but also enjoying the journey. My genius is very much in how I deal with clients supporting them and helping them navigate The event itself is an opportunity to spend time the multitude of options and decisions. with other amazing people pushing themselves to take part. So, whether that is wing walking My genius is adding positive and proactive and standing on top of a plane, entering 100 support, letting clients know the things they km run, taking the kids out paddling – just get need to know before they need to know it. out and do it. Don’t wait. You may not have the health tomorrow to do what you can today. Applying a coach approach in dealing with clients makes the process less stressful for I’m not looking to be perfect, but I am absolutely all concerned, and keeps communication looking to get the best of the experience. constructive, and most importantly keeps our clients ahead of the game. Experiencing the best and worst that nature can throw at you expands the breadth and What vision do you have for your business depth of your physical and mental experience. and your life going forward within the Collaboration Global community? Go out in the rain and the snow. Get out when the wind blows the hail in your face. Get out Join the discussion... facebook.com/Collglobal
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Liddle Perrett take a collaborative approach to The Collaboration Global community is working with our clients. a globally diverse, open minded, group of interesting people from a variety of I provide a supportive environment to help backgrounds. clients make life changing decisions and we support people in times in their lives when they The conversation is non-judgemental, open, need it, but do not often know that they need supportive, and holistic, and there is a depth that support. of knowledge and experience from all walks of life that allows people to help and support Taking a collaborative approach to working each other on a personal or business basis, but with others, and a coach approach to working on a different level. with clients is in my blood, and actually makes things so much easier. You’ll meet people you would never have thought to speak to and learn a lot. Being part of a community where this approach is second nature is like coming home for me You’ll get out a lot more than you put in if you (without the screaming kids and outdoor kit all approach the community with an open mind over the place). and an open heart – best advice I can give . . . get involved! If someone is interested in getting involved with our Collaboration Global community, Email: david@liddleperrett.com from your perspective what might they Telephone: 07810508781 expect when they get there? Website: www.liddleperrett.com
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Be Our Guest! Be our guest at one of our regular live online sessions and meet our community. The last Tuesday of the month 3-5pm (UK local time) online. What happens: We learn - as a member shares their genius We discuss – as we consider ways to improve our business and life We debate – a topic of the day or a belief system We connect, collaborate, and grow! Click the link below and we look forward to seeing you there. https://bit.ly/3gcOrT3
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