Penn Hillel Hosts Apartheid Week, Aiming to Engage With Underrepresented Human Rights Deniers on Campus

Hillel envisions a theme park-like array of attractions laid out on High Rise Field, with sponsorships from Lockheed Martin and Motorola

JETT FLAXMAN

Concerned Parent

HILLEL BUILDING, PENN CAMPUS – After a weeks-long battle with University administration, Penn Hillel has just received approval to host its inaugural “Apartheid Week” this April. The genesis of what they hope to be a yearly tradition, this Apartheid Week is sure to be jam-packed with thrilling events for local human rights deniers too often silenced by our campus culture. Beth Winklestein and crew were at first cautious to give approval, but after hearing a compelling pitch from Hillel’s executive committee, they couldn’t say no.

Hillel envisions a theme park-like array of attractions laid out on High Rise Field, with sponsorship from Lockheed Martin and Motorola footing the bill. On the North stage, a formidable list of speakers will participate in short speeches and coffee chats on subjects ranging from ethical use of eminent domain to a lecture titled “Big Guns, Small Guns: Why The Big Ones Are Better.” Notable attendees include the Merchant of Death,

Abi Schmoolick, Itmar Gengivr, and Amy Gutmann. There will be an immersive virtual reality video game experience as well, but Hillel is omitting further details about the game as a special teaser for later. Hillel hopes that these extensive spectacles will be enough to draw out the dozens of dormant human rights critics on campus, but if not, lox and bagel will be provided as an added courtesy.

As is typical, president Liz Magill noted when I reached out for comment, “We would like to exert a little more control over an event named ‘Apartheid Week.’” But the executive planning committee for the conference aligned with university values so much that, “We’re willing to give them the keys to the castle on this one.” Now, Hillel has an exciting few weeks of planning to knock out before making Apartheid Week a serious competitor to Spring Fling. Maybe in a few years, frats will be clamoring to land DJ Bezalel for ‘A’ Week.” Until then, let's get hype, Penn undergraduates!