Today's Daring Woman - November 2018 by Daring Woman

Today’s

DARING WOMAN November 2018

Loving an Addict

Health & Holiday Eating Michelle Obama The First Lady the Nation Fell in Love With

Chong Kim A Beautiful Mess

Today’s Daring Woman

Healing with

H PE It’s time to put our words into action! Attend an evening of award winning films and live Q&A!

HOPE B~Lit, a global non-profit championing the cause of women and children of the world, recently launched “HOPE Council”, a collective of remarkable women who share a unanimous vision – engaging, enlightening and entertaining people with the power of storytelling. The stories, based on real incidents, shed a light on various issues faced by women and children. The HOPE Council will lend a voice to the survivors by bringing their stories to a global stage. On November 15, HOPE B~Lit will present “Healing with Hope”, an event marking HOPE Council’s first collaboration by showcasing four critically acclaimed short films. All proceeds from ticket sales will be given away to a rape trauma survivor at the event. We believe in movies and then an immediate call to action...lets put our words to ACTION.

Laemmle’s Theater Thursday, Nov 15: 6:30 PM - 9:00 PM 2

Today’s Daring Woman

Healing with Hope will be featuring... Women Prayed & Preyed Upon Director: Kankana Chakraborty

An intense 30-minute docu-drama that spotlights violence against women. Ironically in a country where men PRAY to GODDESSES (Maa Durga, Maa Kali among others), why do they also PREY upon women? The subject tackled is a contradiction and paradox that leaves us perplexed when faced with reality. The victims wanted to share their horrific experiences, but they were scared to be in front of the camera. The Award winning Docu-drama featured various Indian film industry legends. It has received National & International recognition. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s latest achievement is the official selection and nomination at the World Peace Awards - United Nations - Indonesia.

Sakhi

Director: Annu Kapil A young girl sets on a journey of self-discovery and search for identity only to find herself caught in the vicious world of trafficking. Very profound movie with known theater artists.

and more... Buy Your Tickets at daringwomaninc.com/hopetickets

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

In this Issue... Life & Love

Empowered Reading

45 | 10 Titles to Pick Up

Health & Wellness

Horoscopes

29 | Health & Holiday Eating 36 | The Power of Us

55 | Horoscopes

Women’s Issues 48 | A Beautiful Mess 52 | Motherhood, The Queen, Amputation

Cover Stories 40 | Michelle Obama

Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman

Today’s Daring Woman

Letter from the Editor It’s an easy way for us to stay in our comfort zone. On October 29, I said goodbye to my beloved boy, Browners (aka Little Man). I remember the day I brought him home 16 years ago. He was so tiny, he fit in the palm of my hand. I’d gone to the pet store for feeder mice for my snake, Boris, and came home with my Little Man too. (Don’t send me hate mail about buying dogs at pet stores, that was a long time ago, before I knew better.) For a little over 16 years my Little Man brought me joy, love, irritation...the fun moments when he’d escape and my ex would chase him down the street trying to catch him... The way we could get him all excited and he’d say, “Ri ruv roo” to us. As busy women, it’s too easy to forget to have downtime, to let our hair down and just be free. There’s always tomorrow right? Like vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein’s monsters, tomorrow is imaginary. It doesn’t truly exist. I’m guilty about using tomorrow as an excuse. Tomorrow I’ll... • Eat better; • Exercise; • Make those phone calls I’ve been putting off; • Do this, that, and the other.

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@imadaringwoman

Even at the end he wanted to show us love. I held him swaddled in a blanket, as if he were a baby, rocking him gently from side to side, and kissing his sweet face as I watched the light fade from his eyes. He was gone. His pain was no more. His dementia was dissolved. He was free. I miss him so much, but he gave me an important reminder to pass on to all of you... TOMORROW. NEVER. COMES. So live, have fun, let your hair down. TODAY.

Tracey Facebook @imadaringwoman

Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne

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Today’s Daring Woman

Name this Nail Polish Contest Winner A big thank you to everyone who participated in our Name This Nail Polish Contest. We received so many amazing ideas, it was hard to choose just one. But, we did. And the Winner Is…

“Be Teal My Heart” Laura Silverman The Sobriety Collective

Order the Daring Woman Polish collection today at shopdaringwoman.com Thank you to our sponsors:

Today’s Daring Woman

TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief

Team Editor GERI WESTPHAL Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Copywriter KATHERINE COPELAND Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL PR Director DORIS HOBBS Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS

Special Thanks to Chong Kim, for sharing her courageous story!

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

Contributors Isabel Hundt

Isabel Hundt is a successful Inspirational Speaker, Founder of the #ISeeUMovement, Sociologist, certified Transformation Coach working with Highly Sensitive Visionaries and World Changers aka Empath-Warriors™, Emotions Clearing Practitioner, published Author of The Power of Faith-Driven Success and Amazon Bestselling Co-Author. Her expertise revolves around navigating your emotional world, the power of intuition and the importance of trust and perseverance in today’s society. Isabel has been featured on close to 100 TV shows, well-known radio and podcasts shows.

Sara Lingfelter

Sara Lingenfelter is a business mentor + systems guru, and CEO of Virtual Biz Partner. She wants to live in a world where moms can follow their dream of working from home while also having time and flexibility for their family. Her life changed in 2011 after turning down the career I’d always planned for in Probation and Parole. She realized that she wanted to work from home to have time with her son and be in control of her future. She did this by becoming a Virtual Assistant and eventually a Certified Online Business Manager. Over the years, Sara has supported hundreds of clients with implementing systems and simplifying their business to realize healthy, successful growth. Now, she provides training that empowers moms to start their journey of becoming a virtual assistant.

Caroline Strawson

Caroline Strawson is one of the first accredited Divorce and Breakup Coaches in the UK and a number one best selling author of Divorce Became My Superpower. She specialises in helping divorced women with ambition thrive after divorce, emotionally, mentally and financially using Positive Psychology and proven practical strategies and exercises. She uses her experience from her own divorce where she had over £70,000 of debt and her family home repossessed and suffered with depression, anxiety and self harm. She uses her own darkness that she went through to bring light to others. Her personal journey to not just bounce back but bounce forward quickly turned into a personal mission to want to help others through the trauma of divorce and breakup and freedom financially, emotionally and mentally.

Catie Harris

Catie Harris, PhD, MBA, and Registered Nurse is the NursePreneur Mentor who has empowered hundreds of nurses to monetize their knowledge and skills in business, while inspiring them to change the way healthcare is perceived and delivered. Catie is an international speaker who has been featured in ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News and Huffington Post. She has also shared her innovative mentorship work on National and International Podcasts and TV including Be Efficient TV, Dubai One and Copy Chief with Kevin Rogers.

Jessica Brighton

Jessica is a certified personal trainer, entrepreneur, outdoor enthusiast, and crunchy mom. She has worked in hospitality/business for the past 20 years, and is now on a mission to inspire healthy living, educate families about healthy food choices, and help other women create balance and time freedom. When she’s not playing tennis, lifting weights, or singing the virtues of kale, she can be found hula hooping at music festivals or playing with power tools in her garage.

Today’s Daring Woman

Geri Westphal

Geri Westphal, Author of Beautiful Lady, shares her real-life story of how cancer changed her life for the better through reawakening and rebirth. We are intensely aware of the things that cancer takes from us, but we do not often acknowledge the hidden gifts it leaves behind.

Chong Kim

Chong Kim is a renown world speaker and activist. She has appeared on notable Talk and Media shows like: BBC, HuffpostLive, CNN, CNBC, Montel and much more. Chong is also a writer and a Film/TV Producer. Her film, ‘Eden’ was released in 2012 starring Beau Bridges (The Baker Boys & Battlestar Galactica) and Jamie Chung (Hangover 2 & The Gifted). Chong Kim also published her memoir, Broken Silence, is also available via Amazon through Kindle and paperback, & Barnes and Noble via Nook only.

Laura Bland

Laura Bland is an online and health and fitness coach and mentor and specialises in helping those who don’t have the time to go to gym classes or the money to pay for a personal trainer. She is a busy working mum herself so understands the importance of getting results in a cost effective time efficient way.

Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing #IMADARINGWOMAN

Today’s Daring Woman

love

LIFE &

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

With Love, Fear!

by Isabel Hundt

My Dearest, The time has come for me to reach out to you personally, because I think you need to hear from me directly so that you can truly understand what I have to offer you. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is “Fear.” Like each of us emotions, I come into your life on a specific frequency. Let me explain in more detail. Image this: You’re walking on your path that is the perfect center of your being. It’s where you feel the

most balanced and peaceful. You find yourself surrounded by vibrating walls, and each wall is placed on their specific frequency according to how far away we are from your perfect center. I am actually one of the emotions that is further away from your core. If we’d use Dr. David Hawkins measurement of energy, your perfectly balanced center is at 1,000 while I’m 900 units away. Well, every now and then you become distracted. Depending on how far you wander off, we, your emotions, act like a bouncy wall trying to push you back towards your center.

Today’s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ]

Sometimes, however, you get irritated, so Fear, states, “In politics, fear wins elections. you keep trying really, really hard to push us Within the police force and the military, fear away. We don’t quite understand why though, expands budgets and obtains new power. Fear because walking within your resistance is helps promote issues, boosts memberships exhausting. It’s actually tiring for us to even and increases sales.” watch you. Yet, you still do this, and even though we often shake our ‘heads’, we know The way you box up and label me “Fear” takes that it is part of your human experience. But away your power of choice and your power we are not here to rule over you, as you often seem to Free-flowing fear will make you intuitive, blame us in doing. We’re actually here to agile, balanced and safe. enhance your life. It’s true. Did you know that we are part of your physical and your spiritual experience? Most people only see us as part of their physical body, but we have a very important spiritual role that comes with experiencing emotions fully. Your physical being is what reacts to the way you feel about us, and your spiritual being is the part that reflects and explores our messages for you, so you can more easily come back to your balanced center. However, it just so happened that at some point these two parts were separated due to a conflict in power. One of the more historically important moments goes all the way back to the 17th century when Rene Descartes, a French philosopher and scientist, explored the mystical realm within science. It has been written that the Catholic Church was none too pleased with his work, since it interfered with the power of the church. Eventually, Descartes had to agree to a deal with the church that allowed him to continue to explore the realm of the physical but not the spiritual, as the mind, soul or the emotions. It was then that the human experience was separated into the physical and the spiritual. Both could not overlap and this created an imbalance in how you experience life. It was then when you started to use us against yourself, which created more pain than joy. As Daniel Gardner, in his book The Science of

Today’s Daring Woman

-Karla McClaren

of having a deep connection with your soul. We, your emotions, can see this. But for the most part, you seem to not be aware of those circumstances. You see, when you start walking away from your perfect center, you experience all kinds of different emotional responses. Once you make it all the way to me, I have to be a bit stricter with you and get you to stop in your tracks because, obviously, you didn’t want to listen to my colleagues. My mission is to tell you that you are not trusting your own path. While all the other emotions kept their voices softer, I often have to yell to get your attention. It works for the most part, unless you continue to resist me. I’m really not your problem, however, your own stories and beliefs are. Past negative experiences may be so deeply ingrained within you that you believe when you step into something new or try out a new idea, that someone will yell at you, you’ll be ridiculed, or even punished in some way. I’m here to bring those beliefs into your consciousness so that you can work through them or let them go. The choice is yours. Unfortunately, on many occasions you keep fighting this knowledge. I understand that this can be scary, but if you want to move forward and live out your calling, you will have to face the uncomfortable.

There’s just no way around it. When I, Fear, show up on your doorstep, it means that you continue to focus on the negative and danger instead of on trust and confidence. I’m just trying to tell you that you are ready for whatever is ahead of you, that you can do it but not until you resolve some of your challenging history. I am so strong that I stimulate your senses and put you in alert mode. I will also let you know if you are in physical danger when you’d need to choose to run or fight. I, your dearest friend Fear, will support you in accessing your intuition, focus, and instinct and to be fully engaged in the situation. I don’t want you to focus on the perceived problem, but I want you to put yourself in a place of observation. Just sit with me for a while and I will help you explore the deeper issues you are facing so that you can walk your path in alignment with your calling.

Whenever you come to my “wall” I’d like for you to implement those few steps: Focus on what is right in front of you. What do you see, smell, hear etc. Explore the deeper lying stories and beliefs that are in your way. Acknowledge your experience (whatever we normalize loses its power). Redirect your focus on how you want to feel and what you want to experience. As Karla McClaren said, “Free-flowing fear will make you intuitive, agile, balanced and safe.” It is that moment when you start to trust yourself and a greater, Divine Power. With love, Fear TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ]

Loving an addict

by Sara Lingnfelter

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

I still remember the day I quit my job to run my business full-time like it was yesterday. But let me back up a bit to the time that I learned my husband of seven years was an addict.

refused. I didn’t know what to do. We were in the middle of a custody battle for his daughter because her mom was on meth. He had a court-appointed drug test coming up!

One day while in the bathroom, I went to his side to look for a band-aid and ointment in the cabinet. I found a pill bottle for Xanax and the prescription was current. I thought it was bizarre because he never told me and always said he didn’t like medication.

I called the lawyer and told her everything. These precious children that weren’t mine now had two addicted parents. I legally could do nothing. The lawyer put the case on hold.

When I asked him about it, he blew it off, saying that it was to help him sleep. I started thinking his behavior had seemed off for quite some time, but he was in a court battle for custody of his two daughters, so I dismissed it as stress-related.

The knowledge of his drug use instantly broke my trust and heart.

I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling there was something more. I went out to our garage and found a container, which had an empty pill bottle for OxyContin and it was just from a week ago and empty. My stomach sunk. I’d dealt with my brother having drug problems off and on for years. I called our doctor and told him that I found a pill bottle for an active prescription, and I thought this was strange. About three years prior, my husband had back surgery, but he should not still be taking OxyContin for pain three years later. The nurse got on the phone and told me how long he had the prescription. The next thing she said shook me. “Your husband called recently saying you all had a babysitter over the weekend and that she stole all his pills that he just had refilled less than a week ago.” I thought I’d be sick; we had not had a sitter. In fact, we’d been home all weekend. I knew at that moment. He was an addict. He was not just taking Xanax to help him sleep at night. When I confronted him that night, he lied to my face. It wasn’t until I showed him the empty pill bottle he finally admitted it. I told him he needed help and to seek treatment. He

The next few days were terrible as my husband went through withdrawal. Through the throwing up, cold sweats, and mood swings, he still refused help. He said he had flushed his pills and must have since he was obviously going through withdrawal. Six months passed. I grew more miserable with my current job, and made the decision to save up money so I could quit. My husband said he trusted my judgement and I should go for it. The responsibility of a marriage and three children meant we both needed income, but my job made me feel like I was going to have a breakdown. I finally worked up the courage to quit.

Today’s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ]

I planned to start my own business, and jumped in head first, determined to build a successful business. That year I made about $10,000 more than I did at my salary job. I was thrilled and convinced that I made the right decision. I never questioned myself; it was more about proving it to others. I was a mom living in a rural town in Missouri with no business background, but I was making it! Court had eventually resumed, the mom agreed to give my husband custody. It seemed things were going well. Then it happened again. I had that nagging feeling. I went to the garage, to the hiding spot I found last time. This time I found an empty bottle for Adderall. I called the doctor and discovered that he’d been taking it for quite some time. Strange, he didn’t have ADHD. Adderall is often highly abused, it’s basically legal meth. Another fight broke out. My husband claimed he needed it, but didn’t tell me because of my brother’s drug issues and that I would assume he was the same. But now it was all making sense. • Friends commented that he didn’t make sense when he spoke; he wouldn’t complete his sentences. • He would talk fast, bouncing from one subject to the next. • I noticed regular cash withdrawals from the ATM. • He racked up $4000 in credit card debt with nothing to show for it. • He would go long periods of time without sleeping, then crash. • He was losing a lot of weight. • He would leave for random errands, like getting milk, be gone for 45 minutes, and get upset when asked why. • He got fired from his last three jobs. • He would rarely eat dinner with us anymore and when he did would eat very little. • He would have angry outbursts for no

Today’s Daring Woman

reason. • He would make up stories about people swearing they were true, but they weren’t. • He continuously forgot things but would blame others saying that they were wrong. And at his worst, he swore he had bugs on him. He would scratch himself until he bled. He bought insane amounts of bug spray. He went to more than one doctor that told him there were no bugs; it was in his head. But of course, they were wrong. This behavior went on for over six months! When I questioned him, he would say that I’m crazy and berate me for asking questions. I begged him to go to counseling to get help. Little did I know how deep and how long his addiction had gone on. All this time, I kept running my business and caring for the three kids. Finally, at a business retreat, I made a decision, the time had come. I was done taking on responsibility for him. I was done covering, done making excuses; I was just done. I went to a counselor while going through the divorce because I needed to know I wasn’t crazy; he almost had me convinced I was. I endured his dark and scary behavior during this time, and I needed support from a counselor. Today, I am happy to say that I am now doing well. The divorce was almost two years, and I have our ten-year-old son full-time. His father still isn’t well and continue to hear stories of his struggle with addiction. I’m thankful I am through this dark time in my life. I have learned a lot from it. Thanks to having my own business, I was able to take time I needed for my son and me and pay our bills while we went through this ordeal. I can proudly say that I have come out much stronger in the end. TD W

SEXTORTION

THREATS TO EXPOSE A SEXUAL IMAGE IN ORDER TO MAKE A PERSON DO SOMETHING

Sextortion is happening to kids and teens.

1 IN 4

2 IN3

Victims were 12 or younger when threatened.

Victims were girls threatened before the age of 16.

Threats happen sooner for online victims.

FRIDAY

First contact is typically by phone via a social media friend request. Victims are targeted on platforms they frequent.

OCT 15, 10:00 PM UR CUTE <3

OCT 17, 12:03 AM THREAT

60%

47%

Of victims experienced threats daily

OF ONLINE VICTIMS THREATENED WITHIN 2 WEEKS OF INITIAL CONTACT

T SA

Victims are attempting to address the threats themselves. OCT 19, 9:00 PM

Some victims took steps to prevent contact...

OCT 19, 2:55 PM

OCT 19, 3:00 PM

45 %

OF VICTIMS REPORTED THAT THE CONTACT DIDN’T STOP AFTER BLOCKING OFFENDERS.

While others complied with offender demands.

OCT 19, 5:00 PM

HEY, COME ON. SEND A PIC OCT 19, 5:17 PM

IT’S ONLY ONE

But threats became more frequent.

OCT 20, 2:34 AM

SEND MORE.

FINE, I’LL SEND ONE IF YOU STOP

62%

COMPLIED WITH DEMANDS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE THE THREATS STOP.

OCT 19, 5:17 PM

…OR ELSE

68%

Victims are staying silent.

Say goodbye to the litter box as you know it!

OF VICTIMS BLOCKED OFFENDERS FROM CONTACTING THEM IN HOPES OF GETTING AWAY.

…but threats continued.

WHY DID YOU BLOCK ME?

No Odor. Less Cleaning.

OF VICTIMS REPORTED THAT THREATS BECAME MORE FREQUENT AFTER THEY COMPLIED WITH DEMANDS.

“I stumbled on the Kitty Poo Club several months ago and decided to give it a try. With multiple cats, I went through kitty litter like crazy. And I was tired of always cleaning out the box. With Kitty Poo, I only have to clean it once or twice a day as the litter pellets absorb the urine. It saves me time, money, and hassle. And I love that it’s all biodegradable. I just fold up the old box when the new one shows up and the entire thing goes in the trash. It’s been a lifesaver.” ~ Tracey Osborne, CEO of Daring Woman

Society continues to dismiss the fact that people are forced into situations (like sending

1 3 IN

Victims had never told anyone, largely because of shame or embarrassment.

nudes) and that they should be shamed if they are. — FEMALE / ONLINE / AGE 13

Victims are less likely to report outside of their inner circle.

53% DISCLOSED TO A FRIEND

26%

REPORTED TO A PLATFORM / WEBSITE

17%

REPORTED TO LAW ENFORCEMENT

Stop sextortion before it starts. Learn more at stopsextortion.com Thorn conducted an online survey in 2017 with 2,097 victims of sextortion from ages 13 to 25.

Today’s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ]

Forgive the People Who Hurt You Take it from me: If you’re struggling with forgiveness, be gentle with yourself, because I’ve learned that forgiveness is a process, and it takes time. What is forgiveness? It’s letting go of a resentment, giving up feeling harmed or damaged. That doesn’t mean the harm or damage didn’t happen. It means that you’re not going to keep revisiting it over and over again, staying stuck in your resentment of the person who caused the harm. Even if it’s you.

Today’s Daring Woman

I’ve prayed for help with forgiveness. I’ve tried to talk myself into it. And often, I’ve pushed myself to the forgiveness finish line before I was really ready to take the action of actually forgiving, only to find myself right back where I started: resentful and feeling bad. So, to truly get to the place I wanted to be— which was to be a steady, solid, peaceful, forgiving person—I started with myself. When I found myself berating myself for choices I made, opportunities I missed, people I misjudged, behaviors I condoned, the whole thing—I stopped. “No more.” I started being

kind to myself. Over and over again. Once I started easing up on myself in this way, I found myself being able to ease up on others. I realized that what I needed, so did they. If I had made mistakes and deserved to be forgiven, so, too, did they. If I had hurt another and could be forgiven and move on, so, too, could they. If I had been critical and judgmental of someone and could be forgiven, so, too, could they.

This excerpt was taken from I’ve Been Thinking…: Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life, by Maria Shriver. Shriver is a mother of four, an Emmyand Peabody Award–winning journalist and producer, the author of six New York Times bestselling books and a best-selling coloring book, an NBC News special anchor and the founder of the Women’s Alzheimer’s Movement.

In other words, if I could let go of my resentments and judgments of myself, I could and should let go of my resentments and judgments of others and just plain move on, instead of staying stuck. I had to give what I was seeking for myself. Forgiveness is letting go of the need to feel like a victim. Work on it. You’ll lighten your load— the load of negativity you carry around. TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.

S H O P DAR I N G W O M AN. C O M 20

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

I Am Strong by Caroline Strawson When they see you as a strong woman, they think that you do not need anything or anyone, you can bear everything and will overcome whatever happens. That you do not mind being listened to, cared for or pampered. When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you and they think you do not need to be heard. A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or falling, if she has anxiety or fear. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea. The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she becomes weak. If she loses her temper, she becomes hysterical. When the strong woman disappears a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual. But the strength that is needed every day, to be that kind of woman, does not matter to anyone. Honor, recognize, respect and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be restrained, loved and feel that they can rest. Words are powerful so make the women in your life feel special today. TD W

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ] 22

DREAMING BIG,

but living small by Catie Harris

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

Have you ever had an idea that you knew would be great, that could make a difference or change the world?

ideas for projects and businesses that would have been mega successes if I had stuck them out.

Maybe you even hashed out an action plan and secretly created business cards and collateral, maybe even a website! All in the comfort and security of your home. Well, if this isn’t you, it certainly is me.

How do I know?

I’ve created entire projects and businesses in the comfort of my home. I spent hours and hours putting together syllabi, course work and modules in my spare time. I put together a website, business cards and collateral. I solved amazing problems of the world. Except I’m the only one that knows about them. What’s the deal, right? I was discovered by my brother who found me secretly working on yet another iteration of a nursing fellowship program I had created. “What are you doing?” he said. “Nothing?” I replied. Ok so here’s my confession. I’m an ‘ideas’ person and I love to create things. Unfortunately, I am plagued with horrible brain disease called ‘scaredy-cat-it is’. I create and then hide. It’s debilitating, though not contagious. “I’m creating a neurocritical care fellowship program that I hope to submit to the department someday.” When I say the things that I’m scared of aloud, they sound ridiculous. As I told him of the various things I’ve worked on and never succeeded at, he simply said, “Well you give up too soon”. That comment played in my head repeatedly. Of all the things I’ve ever done and attempted to do, I believe he was right. I’ve had tons of

Because other people are doing them. I wrote about and created a nurse practitioner fellowship program before they were popular; I created narrative medicine before there was a center at NYU. I built a virtual NP clinic before telemedicine was popular. Yet my claims are baseless because my efforts are on a computer that I’m not even sure works anymore. The point being, I never followed through with my ideas, because I didn’t have vision as to where they were going and I didn’t want to waste my time promoting something that no one wanted (how’s that for irony). There were all these excuses as to why I didn’t follow through with my ideas. I’ve always had dreams and ambitions to be successful. It’s just that dang follow through. I could start projects but not finish them. My ’follow through’ weakness has been confirmed and validated through various tests such as the Kolbe Strengthfinder. The Kolbe test is supposed to show you your strengths and how to focus your energy on what you do best. I used the Kolbe test to validate the fact that I am incapable of following through on anything, thereby reinforcing this idea in my head. I also coughed this phenomenon up to the fact that I just wasn’t meant to be successful, thereby allowing myself off the hook. We have what we call the Harris family curse as evidence by the fact that I rented when prime property in Philadelphia was dirt cheap, I bought my house the moment before the real estate bubble popped and I invested in stocks in 2000 before the tech crash – and yes, all my stocks were tech. I even bought bitcoin at its peak. The family joke is to see what I’m doing and then do the opposite.

Today’s Daring Woman

[ LIFE & LOVE ] Do I do this stuff on purpose? Well I think maybe having a little professional guidance around real estate and stocks is well advised, but what about my inability to follow through and become successful. Could I really claim the Harris curse kept me small? I knew this wasn’t true and before long, I was secretly creating a new website and business in my home. This time it was a virtual nurse practitioner clinic. I managed to put all the pieces together, spend a crap ton of money as if it were a real business and then after 2 weeks of marketing, I decided no one was interested so I closed the doors so I could “learn more”. It would take me another 6 months to reopen and reclose shortly thereafter, so I could learn more. You get the point right? I finally got the nerve to tell my brother about a new business idea I had – Concierge Nurse Services, and he responded by saying, “Well, I hope you don’t give up on this too”. Being competitive and quite irritated at the comment I decided I would stick it out. The result has been the development of not 1 but

Today’s Daring Woman

2 successful companies that I currently run NursePreneurs and Concierge Nurse Services. The only difference in my ability to succeed at these two businesses has been my sheer persistence at overcoming obstacles and my intense irritation at my brother’s comment. Needing to understand why my path to success was so difficult, and, in an effort to help my own clients who I see struggling with the same problem, I searched for some answers. This is what I found. There’s comfort in dreaming big but living small. Yes, that sounds crazy right? We all say we have big dreams, big desires and want more, but our actions speak differently. Here are 4 ways we keep ourselves small:

1. Don’t Get Your Hopes Up I’ve had so many conversations with people where we discover a great idea, but then it falls to the wayside. I never pursue it, they never pursue it. Part of this psychology is the fear of getting our hopes up. If I get really excited about an idea that flops, then I’ll be depressed and sad and I will have to face friends and

When you attempt to have a bigger impact on the world, you will get challenged and many people are petrified of this.

family as a failure. Why get your hopes up? We even have a superstition around this. When I was trying to get pregnant, every month, I would hope, hope, hope it would work, yet every month it was a devastating loss for me. After about a year of the ups and downs, I found myself pretending I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant, because if I didn’t get my hopes up then it might work. I told you things I say aloud sometimes-sound ridiculous.

2. Success Means Change Another reason we take comfort in being small is that success means change; even if it’s change you’ve been dreaming of. I mean what would really happen if you were to pull this thing off? Would there be more pressure; would your friends and family become jealous, would your spouse leave you? No one has any visibility to what might happen so there is the fear of the unknown. Is the devil you know better than the devil you don’t know? People like to say that lottery winners are miserable and in more debt than before their winnings. I don’t know. I’m sure their lives changed and from the outset we would all love to have that

problem, yet, then again, I’m not sure we really do.

3. Imposter Syndrome A third reason we might try to stay small could be the fear of the Imposter Syndrome. If I dream big but only impact myself, family and friends then I’m in my comfort zone. When you go out to the world, you risk being discovered as a fraud. I mean who are you to be successful? Who are you to tell me what I should be doing? What is your credibility? We see this all the time if you disagree with someone on social media. The first thing someone might do is attack your credibility. If you don’t engage then that can’t happen. When you attempt to have a bigger impact on the world, you will get challenged and many people are petrified of this.

4. The Old College SelfSabotage Self-sabotaging success is a great way dream big but live small. If you give your ideas and

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[ LIFE & LOVE ]

plans the old college try, your friends and family will say you did good. You gave it a try. You get some respect and you realize the big dream just wasn’t meant to be. You start to convince yourself that mediocre is good enough and that only special people can be successful. We also self-sabotage ourselves by making our goals so big they can’t possibly be achieved. It’s like the mantra Go Big or Go Home. Well this mantra doesn’t work in doctoral dissertations, projects, business plans or really anything. When your dreams are so big you can’t possibly achieve them, you are essentially letting yourself off the hook. You are effectively saying, it’s all or nothing. I either run 5 miles a day every day or nothing. I either eat 100 calories a day or nothing. It doesn’t have to be that way, you could walk 2x a week to start or add protein to your diet. You don’t have to go from 0 – 180 right away. The all or nothing concept reminds me of a scene between Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) and his father in the movie Talladega Nights. Ricky says to his father “Wait Dad, don’t you remember the time you told me ‘If you ain’t first you’re last?’.” Ricky’s father says “oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth”. To which Ricky replies “What? I’ve lived my whole life by that!” How To Live Big So what can you do? What if you have a family curse hanging over your head and your dreams are so big you can’t achieve them? What if you are destined to live small, but want to break free? First chunk it down. When I work with doctoral students, they invariably want to solve world hunger every time. It’s a huge disappointment when I tell them that their goal isn’t to solve world hunger, it’s simply to graduate. However, if they can achieve progress in one small piece

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of the puzzle to solving world hunger, they will contribute to its eradication. You can still dream of changing the world but you have to start with one-step at a time. According to ancient Chinese proverbs – The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Pick one small dream to achieve. Achieving small goals frequently is better for your brain anyway. I glossed over my successes earlier in this article, but the fact is, I didn’t do anything differently when it came to business. All my barriers were in my mind. If I chose to believe I couldn’t overcome an obstacle, then I dropped that project. Now I see obstacles as an opportunity to broaden my horizons and find interesting people who can help me. It’s amazing how much more productive that approach is! I also had to recognize that I indeed had a pattern of behavior. I had to admit that I was scared of being successful and for some weird reason I didn’t want anything in my life to change. Finally, I had to give myself permission to achieve my goals. Is it easy? No, of course not. I do a lot of therapy, acupuncture, massage, procrastinating, etc. Could I achieve more? I’m getting there. I’m trying not to beat myself up too much in any given day. I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish to date. I use my knowledge and expertise to help nurses to start their own businesses and I run my Concierge Nurse business, both of which are doing quite well. My family still loves me and supports me, nothing horrible has happened and I’ve found a new plateau. My goal is to keep pushing the bar higher and higher, little by little. One thing at a time. TD W

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wellness

HEALTH &

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Healthy Holidays mind, body, & spirit by Jessica Brighton

When you think about staying healthy over the holidays, do your thoughts immediately go to your waistline? If so, please stop. Health is about so much more than your waistline, or a number on the scale. Health is an overall state of well-being. Health means being free from illness or injury. Health is your mental or physical condition. Merriam-Webster defines health as “the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit.” While there are many things you can do to avoid or limit weight gain over the holidays,

and I will address some of them, it is more important to acknowledge all three facets of health during the holidays -healthy mind, healthy body, and healthy spirit – and how each one influences the other.

Healthy Mind

The holidays are stressful for many people, for a variety of reasons. For many who are prone to depression, the holidays can be an especially trying time. Here are some ways to reduce stress, so you can enjoy the holiday season.

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[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ] REDUCE FINANCIAL STRESS Our society has convinced us that we need to spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need. This mindset leads a lot of people to overextend themselves, and leaves them feeling stressed out. Instead of falling into this trap, look for inexpensive, heartfelt gifts. I still recall with great fondness the year that my grandfather made photo albums for my mom and her three siblings. I can only imagine the hours he spent compiling the albums with hundreds of photos from their childhood. I was just a kid, but I remember my mom and her siblings looking through the albums and laughing and crying together. My husband’s family did a gift swap one year with the rule that the gifted item had to be second-hand. There were some amazing (and hilarious) gifts exchanged that year. Make memories, not stockpiles of things you don’t need. You’ll also be honoring Mother Earth by reducing the amount of things that need to be manufactured, packaged, and shipped. LET IT GO If you have a tendency to feel overwhelmed and overcommitted during the holidays, say no to the things that aren’t serving you or bringing

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you joy. You don’t have to do it all. There have been years where I’ve sent out 150 holiday cards, years where I’ve sent Happy New Year cards because I was behind schedule, and years where I haven’t sent anything at all. This task is sometimes so daunting to me that I just had to let it go. (I’m pretty sure my friends and family still love me anyway.) If the idea of attending certain parties or events stresses you more than it brings you joy, it’s fine to acknowledge it, and say no. MAKE TIME FOR SELF CARE This is so important, and something that I have made great strides with in the past six months. Take time to do the things that make you happy, and leave you feeling energized. This looks different for everyone. It might be yoga, coffee with a friend, a good book, a massage, reciting daily affirmations, a nap, exercise…you get the idea. Whatever it is that fills your cup, do that.

Healthy Body

This time of year, I always hear people talk about how much weight they are gaining over the holidays, and how they’ll be starting a new diet / cleanse / exercise plan in January. We have this mindset that weight gain is inevitable over the holidays, and that we have to take an

“all or nothing” approach to diet/health. This simply isn’t the case. One party doesn’t have to derail your entire week. Simple, consistent habits will go a long way toward helping you look and feel great. GET MOVING Your regular workout routine may take a temporary hit during the holidays. That’s OK! Look for other ways to fit movement and exercise into your life. Take a few, brisk, 5-minute walk breaks during your work day. Park at the far end of the parking lot when you’re shopping, so you can squeeze in a few more steps. (You may be forced to do this anyway if shopping during peak hours.) Take ten minutes at home to do some squats, sit-ups, jumping jacks, and planks. Think of ways to include the whole family, when you’re gathered together. One year, we did our own family version of a Turkey Trot over Thanksgiving weekend. We went to the local high school track to walk, jog, and push strollers. We threw around a football, and enjoyed a little fresh air together. GET PLENTY OF SLEEP Listen up on this one. Aim for 7-8 hours of

sleep most nights. This is when your body recovers and rebuilds. We have a tendency to wear lack of sleep like a badge of honor. “I only got 10 hours of sleep this week. Look at me go!” Sleep deficiency is linked to a number of chronic diseases, including heart disease, as well as depression, adrenal health issues, digestive issues, weight gain and more. Poor sleep affects your hunger hormones, which can lead to poor dietary choices during the day. You also set yourself up to crave caffeine and sugar, which I address below. If you have trouble falling asleep at night, try to eliminate as many sleep disruptors as possible – avoid caffeine in the afternoon/evening, limit your alcohol consumption, drink herbal tea, such as chamomile tea, and avoid artificial light from television, tablets, and phones in the hour or two before bedtime. LIMIT SUGAR Sugar suppresses the immune system. Without getting too geeky on you, sugar reduces the ability of white blood cells to engulf bacteria, and if you’re already feeling tired or run-down, you’re setting yourself up to get sick. No one has time for that during the holidays! When you do have a treat or dessert, try to eat

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[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

some healthy fats and/or protein along with it to help avoid the dreaded “sugar crash” cycle. There is nothing worse than eating a cookie (or two), feeling tired an hour later, so you eat more sugar to give you some energy, and the cycle continues. STAY HYDRATED We should aim to drink half our body weight in ounces daily (e.g. If you weigh 150 pounds, aim for 75 oz. of water daily). Dehydration can lead to headaches, fatigue, and brain fog, among other complications. It’s no surprise that alcohol dehydrates you, so limit your alcohol consumption, and if you are drinking alcohol, have a glass of water between each alcoholic beverage. A simple mocktail of seltzer over frozen cherries (or any frozen fruit) is festive and tasty, and a great way to stay hydrated in a social setting. FILL HALF YOUR PLATE WITH FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. Fruits and veggies are our best source of vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Do this at every meal to reduce your risk of overindulging on other less healthy foods. MODERATION A big mistake many people make is overindulging. Enjoy those tasty holiday foods in moderation. Put reasonable portions on your plate. If you look forward to your aunt’s mashed potatoes and gravy all year long (I do!), you should absolutely eat them. Should you eat four servings? No. If Grandma’s pumpkin pie sets your soul on fire, you should eat it and not feel guilty. Just don’t eat the whole pie. In my family, strawberry pretzel salad is a big deal (and it’s not actually a salad at all). No one in their right mind would pass it up. After all, tradition is a big part of what makes the holidays so special. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE Please, please, please don’t beat yourself

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up because you ate a cookie at work, or you enjoyed some eggnog at a party. Food brings people together, and you should enjoy the foods that you eat. Allow yourself some indulgences, and remember the 80/20 rule - What you do 80% of the time is more important than what you do 20% of the time.

Healthy Spirit

You may not be a spiritual person, but most of us have something that gives us a feeling of wholeness, and lifts our spirits. We all need to take time to disconnect from the material and physical, and connect ourselves to the things that are meaningful and sacred to us. MEDITATE Meditation has been shown to improve emotional health, reduce stress, reduce anxiety, improve memory, and even increase compassion and kindness. Meditation doesn’t have to be formal. It can be as simple as taking a break from all the noise in your life, focusing on deep breathing, and appreciating some quiet reflection. It can be a quiet walk in nature. There’s even an app for that, if you want to try guided mediation! LAUGH OFTEN Laughter triggers the release of endorphins (the feel good hormones), reduces stress, strengthens relationships, and may even help you fight off illness! A good laugh can leave you feeling energized and joyful. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, listen to a favorite comedian, or watch a favorite comedy. RELEASE YOUR INHIBITIONS Don’t let fear dampen your spirit or hold you back. Go for that promotion. Try that new class you have been thinking about. Dance naked in your kitchen. Reach out to someone you admire. PRACTICE GRATITUDE In this age of commercialism and immediate gratification, it really is healthy to count your

blessings. Write thank you notes to friends, family, teachers, and coaches, and let them know how much you appreciate them. I know many families who go around the table at Thanksgiving and each say what they are thankful for. One friend shared that her family places a feather on a decorative turkey each day for the month of November, and by Thanksgiving, they have a turkey full of gratitude feathers. CREATE HOLIDAY TRADITIONS Or embrace the traditions you have already created. Some traditions may seem silly, but they add meaning to our holiday celebrations, and strengthen the bonds with our families and loved ones. Old traditions connect us to our history, and new ones help our younger generation bond with older family members. Everything from the special foods we eat to the tablecloth we use for holiday meals can be a source of centering and grounding for our spiritual strength. We like to pile in the car with hot chocolate and drive around listening to Christmas music and looking at lights. With inspiration from my brother-in-law’s family, we started the “pickle ornament” tradition, where we hide a pickle ornament on the tree, and the first person to find it gets a small gift. We have a number of family traditions that aren’t related to the holidays at all, and although some of them are silly (chanting and cheering), they are just as important to me as the holiday traditions.

BE GENEROUS With your time, with your finances, with your love – with whatever you have to give. One of the best things you can do to lift your own spirit is be a bright light to others. It’s the perfect time of year to focus on giving. Organize a food drive for your neighborhood, volunteer at a local charity, make a meal for a neighbor, or babysit for a friend who needs a break. PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS Showing kindness to others will fill your heart and soul, and it’s something I’m trying to instill in my children. A few years ago, we started doing an advent tree with a slightly different spin. Our advent tree has numbered ornaments, each with an activity attached to it. The activities usually involve giving to other people, or random acts of kindness, and we do each activity together as a family. Examples include making cookies and taking them to a neighbor, making a card or writing a note to a loved one who lives far away, handing out scratch tickets at a grocery store, giving compliments to three strangers, etc. When I have my act together, we do the whole month of December. When I don’t, we just do twelve days of giving. Your approach to health should be one that nourishes the entire person – body, mind, and spirit. Practice these things through the holidays, and you just might fall into some great habits all year long. Have a happy, healthy holiday season! TD W

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[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

The Power of

US by Geri Westphal

We all stumble. No one has the perfect life. If you think they do, you are most likely not seeing the whole picture. Social media is making it worse. Everything on social media is perfect. There are photos of people’s beautiful new sports car they just bought, or the big new house in the perfect vacation spot. There are photos of the perfectly frosted cake they made for their child’s birthday, and the spectacular birthday party with clowns and fireworks. And it’s not just those images on social media, it’s also those perfect looking families who arrive at church on Sunday morning with every child in the family’s hair perfectly combed and curled and every family members’ outfits perfectly pressed.

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It’s exhausting. How can all that be so pictureperfect, and I can’t even keep my house clean or afford a vacation? I must be failing. No, you are not failing. You are living in the ‘real world’ where life is chaotic and messy and where you are lucky to even get the family to church on time. Forget about the matching outfits. None of us should compare our lives with anyone else’s, especially based on social media posts. You will always fall short. Instead, focus on being your authentic self. Do what makes you happy without the fear of criticism. Who cares anyway? If it makes you happy, that’s all that matters. Be Mindful of your Happiness. Be Vulnerable. Be Empathetic. Vulnerability takes true strength and courage. If you are in touch with your emotions and truly honor what you feel, you are also likely to be more open to recognizing the feelings of others, which in turn increases your level of empathy. You are able to see what is “real” and what is not. Empathy involves understanding another person’s situation from their perspective. You must be able to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they are feeling without judging them. Empathy requires courage and compassion. Research suggests that empathic people are more generous and more concerned with others’ welfare. They tend to have happier relationships and great personal well-being. Empathy can also improve leadership abilities and facilitate effective communication. We Need More Empathy Our nation has become so divided. We have lost our ability to really listen to one another. In many cases, instead of listening, people are more focused on forming a response to defend a particular position. Guess what? We can have different opinions and not have to immediately polarize to one side or the other. An opinion is neither right or wrong; that’s

how it works. IT’S AN OPINION. I believe we can all do a better job at listening. We can all be more vulnerable and empathetic. Collective wisdom is powerful. If we can let our guard down and really listen to our families, friends and neighbors, we can solve the toughest of challenges. Why not tap into the experiences of those around us to help us navigate through the challenges we face. We all have a story to tell and if we are honest and courageous enough to share it, we can help one another. We much more alike than we are different. Test your Empathy How we deal with our own pain and how we deal with relational pain are often very similar. Do you bury your own personal pain? Do you make light of it? If someone shares something with you that is incredibly painful experience and you try to lighten the moment, that may indicate a lack of empathy. Empathy is about understanding where someone is coming from and caring about them, it isn’t about instantly trying to make them feel better. But, since our brains are wired to get away from pain and one sure-fire way to do that in a relationship is to try and lighten the mood, it’s often a common response.

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[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

Every change starts with a small ripple before it can become a wave.

If you want to become more empathic, here are some suggestions:

1. Practice active listening.

Active listening involves approaching a conversation with a genuine desire to understand the other person’s feelings and perspective, without judgement or defensiveness. Give it a try. Try to tune into what the other person is saying without interrupting, paying careful attention to their body language and facial expressions. Periodically repeat back to them what you think they’re trying to say, to make sure you understand them accurately.

2. Share in other people’s joy.

Empathy is not just about commiserating; it can also be about sharing positive emotions like happiness and pride. If someone you’re talking to is happy, try being happy with them. Share their joy.

3. Pay attention to faces.

Facial expressions communicate a lot about a person’s emotional state. Watch for the smile, worried grimace, or angry frown. Check to see if the expression matches the words. If not, try to help the other person by engaging them further to help them fully express their emotions. Community is important and there really is strength in numbers. My weakness may be your strength and vice versa. Let’s all make a commitment to be better listeners. Let’s all find ways to support one another instead of tearing each other down. I’m confident that if we spend time focused on these positive behaviors, we will see a real change in our own wellbeing and in the wellbeing of our neighbors. Every change starts with a small ripple before it can become a wave. Let’s be a ripple and show the world the real Power of US! TD W

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stories

COVER

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

[ COVER STORIES ]

Michelle Obama The First Lady the World Fell in Love With by Tracey Osborne 40

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daring Woman

I’ve never been a fan of politics. To me it’s just a bunch of power-hungry people slinging mud and making empty promises. Political campaigns drive me crazy. It really seems to bring out the worst in people. Needless to say, I’ve never really given the First Ladies much thought. In my mind, they were stodgy, proper, cold women with plastered on smiles and false niceties.

I could see that she loves to have fun. It’s in her smile, in her demeanor. Life is too short to be taken seriously all the time and she knows it. From carpool karaoke to her uncanny friendship with former President Bush, Mrs. Obama just shines a light on the world that draws people to her.

Then came Michelle Obama. Funny, down-to-earth, and confident. She knows who she is, and she owns each role she plays 110%. Growing up with humble beginnings, Mrs. Obama wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She was raised in a blue-collar family on the South Side of Chicago. She watched as her father, stricken with multiple sclerosis, worked hard day in and day out, rarely missing a day of work. Those same work ethics carried through to Mrs. Obama as she endured a daily hourand-a-half commute to attend a magnet high school. She put herself through Princeton and then Harvard Law. As she began her journey into being a lawyer, she discovered her true passion - working with people to serve their communities and their neighbors. When she came out with her first book, American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America, that’s when I really began to pay attention to her. “This one’s different.” I remember thinking. I watched as Mrs. Obama launched her Let’s Move! campaign to fight childhood obesity. I watched as she invited children to the White House garden to teach them how to grow their own food. I watched as she graced our lives with an energy and class that is unparalleled.

Somewhere along the way, she became the greatest political communicator of our time—better than Bill Clinton, better than her husband—someone whose speeches actually start national conversations. And throughout all of this, she has remained one of the most glamorous women in the world—admired by teenagers and grandmothers alike—whose daring fashion instincts have won her nearuniversal accolades from an industry that had a champion in the White House for the first time in decades. But what I love most about Mrs. Obama is that she never let the fame go to her head. She has remained her same cool, hip, down-to-earth self. This is what it looks like to know who you are to the core, and to embrace everything about yourself…flaws and all. She’s not perfect. She knows that. No one is. One way she remains so grounded is her work with youth.

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[ COVER STORIES ]

I’m never going to give up on you, so don’t you ever give up on yourselves -Michelle Obama She adores kids and firmly believes that they matter. “I want our young people to know that they matter, that they belong. So, don’t be afraid — you hear me, young people? Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered. Empower yourselves with a good education, then get out there and use that education to build a country worthy of your boundless promise. Lead by example with hope, never fear. And know that I will be with you, rooting for you and working to support you for the rest of my life.” “One of my greatest joys as First Lady was getting to meet so many incredible young people from across the country. I’ve always been in awe of students working hard to overcome obstacles to get a higher education and build a better life for themselves.” In an age of self-entitlement, Mrs. Obama is reminding our kids and us that you have to work for what you want. Don’t expect life to be handed to you on a silver platter. The world doesn’t work that way. You need to put the technology down and go after your dreams.

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Don’t worry about what the world will think. You’ll never please everyone. Mrs. Obama accepts her ‘haters’ stating, “You don’t have to say anything to the haters. You don’t have to acknowledge them at all. You just wake up every morning and be the best you you can be. And that tends to shut them up.” It’s that simple. Be the best YOU that you can be and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do, be, have, whatever your heart desires. The world is yours for the taking. In a recent speech on the International Day of the Girl, Mrs. Obama tells the young ladies listening, “I’m never going to give up on you, so don’t you ever give up on yourselves.” Does Mrs. Obama have plans to run for office? She’d definitely have my vote! But no, she has no political aspirations to follow in her husband’s footsteps. “I wouldn’t ask my children to do this again because, when you run for higher office, it’s not just you, it’s your whole family. I think our democracy has it exactly right: two terms, eight years,” says Mrs. Obama. “It’s enough. Because it’s important to have one foot in reality when you have access to this kind of power.” TD W

In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As First Lady of the United States of America—the first African American to serve in that role—she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history, while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the U.S. and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives, and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare. In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites readers into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her—from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work, to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it—in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations—and whose story inspires us to do the same.

Available November 13, 2018 Today’s Daring Woman

reading

EMPOWERED

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10 Titles To Pick Up

Alpha Chick

Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power by Mal Duane

Badass Affirmations

The Wit and Wisdom of Wild Women by Becca Anderson

Feminists Don’t Wear Pink and Other Lies

Amazing Women on What the F-Word Means to Them

NOW!

Eat Cake. Be Brave. by Melissa Radke

Feminist Fight Club

An Office Survival Manual for a Sexist Workplace Edition by Jessica Bennett

by Scarlett Curtis

Enough

The Simple Path to Everything You Want--A Field Guide for Perpetually Exhausted Entrepreneurs by Elizabeth Lyons

Body Love

Live in Balance, Weigh What You Want, and Free Yourself from Food Drama Forever by Kelly Leveque

Etched in Sand

A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island by Regina Calcaterra

Spilled Milk

Based On A True Story by K.L. Randis

The Child Whisperer

The Ultimate Handbook for Raising Happy, Successful, Cooperative Children by Carol Tuttle

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[ EMPOWERED READING ]

You Are WORTHY! Even When You Believe Otherwise A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist Knowing that you are worthy just because you exist trumps all other life lessons. After growing up in an abusive home, being raped, losing a lucrative career, surviving a life-pausing illness, and experiencing a near financial collapse, she had a choice to let that define her as an unworthy person or defy the odds. She chose the latter and details her spiritual journey from unworthiness to evolving with confidence, self-love, and yes, worthiness. What is one thing in your life that would change if you decided to ignite your worthiness and believe in yourself? This awareness could mark the beginning of a completely different life for you—one in which you know you are worthy of all you desire. This book gives you the knowledge and tools to deepen your own self-worth and empowers you to take the journey to what is your birthright – Infinite Worthiness! Author: Julee Hunt

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issues

WOMEN’S

Today’s Daring Woman

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] 48

A Beautiful Mess by Chong Kim

Today’s Daring Woman

Hi, my name is Chong Kim. I am a survivor of human trafficking, domestic violence and child sexual abuse. At birth, the doctors wanted to kill me. I was born in Korea, female and disabled. I was viewed by our culture as a disposable baby. Afraid for my life, my father and I came to the United States in 1976 and my mother arrived shortly thereafter. In 1984, I shook President Ronald Reagan’s hand as I became an American citizen. But my life was far from peaches and cream. Aside from growing up with a very abusive mother, I was also raped by my babysitter from ages 3 – 6. I was constantly shunned and became an outcast because of my disabilities. Fast forward 13 years. I met a very charming, charismatic guy that became my boyfriend. At least that’s what I thought. We dated for several weeks before he asked me to go with him to Florida to meet his family. That’s when I found out the truth. I ended up in Northern Nevada on an Indian reservation with dozens of other girls in an abandoned warehouse. My “boyfriend” was actually a recruiter for a human trafficking ring. When you’re being held in a 4 x 4 room, and you’re scared, you begin to think of any and every possible way to escape. I remember when I was little, I watched James Bond with my Dad. I remember watching Sean Connery as he would climb through vents. That was back when they had big vents. Those movies helped to save my life. From 1994 through 1996, I was forced to be prostituted, (now called ‘paid rape’) to men that wanted different type of girls. In an effort to save myself from the daily abused and rape, I moved up in the ranks to a Madam. I knew that if I became a Madam, then I would not be controlled as much by the traffickers. This allowed me the freedom to strategize my escape.

An important point to note, this was 100% about survival. It was not a job. I did not earn money. Every penny earned from the girls I was forced to “sell” went straight to the trafficker.

The Escape

At some point, I was moved from a warehouse to a casino. It was there I was able to rank up to a Madam, and it was there that I met ‘The Maintenance Guy’. I seduced him into helping me escape. I told him that my boyfriend was beating me, and that I had fallen in love with ‘The Maintenance Guy’. I told him we could live happily ever after. I just needed to know the blueprint of how to get out of the casino. He was the one who told me to go through the vents to get out. And that’s what I did. I climbed through the vent, then I fell through the laundry chute and escaped from the building. And ran right into one of the regular buyers. I said, “Oh, let’s have a good time,” and I got in his car. We drove around the corner, out of sight where I took off one of my stiletto heels and beat him over the head with it. I stole his car and drove off. A year later, he tried to prosecute me for assault. Thankfully, the church intervened, and I was not charged.

Survival

After I escaped, I was literally on my own. All my identification and naturalization papers were destroyed by the traffickers. INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services) refused to help. I couldn’t go to a domestic violence shelter, because they didn’t know if I was an immigrant or not. Without any identification, I was treated as an undocumented person. Nobody thought of prostituted women as victims. I was shunned. I was told to go away. I was not a victim. I had no choice but to revert to the only thing I knew to survive…the lifestyle of prostitution. At least that way I could get something to eat, I could have a place to stay.

Today’s Daring Woman

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Believe me when I say it was not a choice out of luxury or to meet my own Richard Gere. Prostitution is not glamorous like portrayed on Pretty Woman. There are so many different levels of trauma when you are in that type of lifestyle. It’s pure survival at that stage. I got clean on February 22nd, 2000, when my son was about 6 months old. I realized I needed to be a mom. I needed to be sober. I now had a tiny human to care for and protect. To ensure that my son would not be victimized, I wanted to break the cycle of abuse that I endured and my mother before me.

The Ugly Truth Comes Out

I reinvented myself in 2003. My son and I moved to Minnesota where I began working as a legal advocate. I was still living in constant emotional pain, so I started volunteering in a battered women’s shelter. I attended a lecture at University of Minnesota and that’s when I learned about human trafficking. I’d never heard the term. Shoot, I thought they were talking about traffic tickets! When they said, “We’re going to learn about human trafficking and domestic violence,” I thought it meant dragging women out of the car as they were abusing them! Until I started listening… When I found out what human trafficking was, I was stunned. That was me! That happened to me! But the lecture I was listening to pertained strictly to foreign women. When the question was asked of the panel, “Can it happen to American women?” the three experts strongly said no. I immediately stuck my hand in the air and said, “I’m sorry. But, you’ve got that wrong.” And this lady looked at me like I had two heads and said, “Who are you and what’s your expertise?” I responded, “It happened to me.” Instead of embracing, empathizing, or even just asking me questions, she called immigration, even though I told her I am an

Today’s Daring Woman

American survivor. That’s when I learned the hard truth that American women and children are not afforded the same benefits as foreign women. I got angry. I wanted the world to know that women like me would not get benefits or help and would instead be labeled as prostitutes and whores regardless of the fact that being trafficked was not our choice. I decided someone needed to speak out for these women. Nobody else was talking about it, so I did. The world wanted to know more. And just like that, I discovered that my voice can make a difference. I want to be a role model, to show others that it’s ok to speak out and use your voice. I can’t do it alone. I don’t like to call people my followers, they are my change makers. Because we are changing the world together. TD W

I woke up in a dark, cold room. I wasn’t alone. There were others around me. I stirred, issuing a soft moan. Immediately, my arms and legs were pinned to the table. I screamed, but the effort earned me nothing. There was too much strength in those limbs. Even my panicked motions did nothing at all. Multiple hands were on me, everywhere. I was raped again and again by unknown predators. I lost count about how often and in what ways they abused me. I cried and begged them to stop, but it did nothing. I was sore everywhere, and a strange moisture blended with the burn of my forced loins. I was bleeding, but I didn’t know how badly or from where. It stopped. They reached some point. Whether they had made their point, done as they had been told, or were just sickly satisfied, they stopped. Footsteps walked away from me. The door to the room swung open, letting in the staggeringly bright light from the hallway. Six men walked out and shut the door behind them. They hadn’t tied me down. It had only been their hands which held me. Now, I began to scream and throw tantrums of rage. I slammed my body against the wall, scratched the wall, and screamed hysterically without response from the outside world. I was tormented and broken and the fits of raw anger drained me. Despite all the pain, I finally fell asleep, unable to keep open hour after hour in the dark. I woke again some time later to be forced onto the table and raped again. And again. The process repeated itself, and I have no idea how long it went on. I had no idea how long between each session, nor when they would let me sleep for hours or only minutes. Sometimes, a stream of men would come in. Other times, they were already there. I had no idea about their patterns or identities. I only saw their backs as they exited the room.

To Order My Memoir, “Broken Silence” go to: http://daringwomaninc.com/brokensilence @iamchongkim

Today’s Daring Woman

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Motherhood,

The Queen, Amputation

When you meet a guy and fall in love you don’t imagine that 5 years later he will be undergoing surgery to have his lower leg amputated. Weeks on end spent apart and numerous trips to the hospital do not form part of the fantasy. Seeing a loved one in constant pain and unable to do anything about it is not on your todo list. And yet that is exactly what happened to us. Leigh and I met in late 2008. In early 2009 he had picked up an injury at work and in late 2013 he had his lower right leg amputated. The time between the initial injury and the final amputation was full of pain and heartbreak as well as love and joy. I gave birth to our daughter in June 2012, one of the most joyous days of my life, but as the months went by and Leigh was able to do less and less with our girl as his pain got worse, that happy occasion became marred.

Today’s Daring Woman

You would think that debilitating pain would be enough for life to throw at us, but no, there was more going on as well. Before Leigh and I met I had bought a lovely little flat. I’d been so pleased at being able to afford something myself and being able to call it my own, but that excitement slowly wore away, as over the years I was met with nightmare neighbour after nightmare neighbour. I’m not just talking about rude neighbours or noisy neighbours. Oh no, I wish I had been that lucky! What I was faced with was drug dealers and prostitutes and it was rare for a week to go by without police cars and riot vans on our street. There are things that you can’t be prepared for when you undergo something as life changing as limb amputation. Things that no one tells you about. Things that the ‘experts’ probably don’t even think about. Like how difficult it is to mow a lawn that’s on a slope when you have a prosthetic and you’re still learning to balance, or how when you are 6’ 6” and have less power in one leg. Getting on and off the toilet becomes something you have to put effort into. Or just how painful an ingrown hair on your stump can be if it’s constantly under pressure from the prosthetic. Then there are the everyday family things that

are no longer so easy. If our daughter wakes in the night, it’s not as simple as swinging his legs out of bed and getting up if he wants to go to her. Instead, he has to put a special sleeve onto his stump, check that it’s in the right position, and then put on his prosthetic. This can take a few minutes, especially in the middle of the night when you have been woken up and you’re still half asleep. So it’s usually me that gets up to go and see what the problem is. On the plus side, our daughter isn’t phased at all when she meets someone with different abilities to herself, different is normal in our house. She may still have questions, but she is immediately accepting. We went through multiple operations to try and fix a problem that never should have been there in the first place, but nothing worked. What became a life changing injury and left Leigh disabled somehow led to amazing things for us both! I’m not going to forget the day we went to a garden party at Buckingham Palace, being just 50 yards from the Queen! Walking around the gardens, seeing parts of Buckingham Palace not normally open to visitors, sitting in the

Today’s Daring Woman

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

sunshine eating tiny sandwiches and cake. It was an amazing day, but it was also a tough day. London is not an easy place to get around when you are disabled. I hold that memory close though, as it was also the first time that Leigh and I had gotten away together, just the two of us, in quite a while. Being in pain, being reliant on crutches to walk, having a child, the amputation, moving house, learning to walk with a prosthetic – it had all taken a toll on our relationship. Leigh competed in the Invictus games in 2014, and then in 2017 became Britain’s second strongest disabled man. He decided that his injury was not going to define him and that he would get up and get on and that’s what he has done. He now has his sights set on a crossfit title, so is working even harder on his health and fitness. Seeing Leigh refuse to give up became my inspiration to get up off my backside and start to make changes in my own life. I need to focus on my own health and fitness, and shift the weight that comfort eating had to led to me gaining over the years. Getting out and to the gym wasn’t always a possibility, so I looked for an alternative and found that I could actually get the results I wanted from working out in our living room. So that what’s I’ve been doing. I even set up a business helping others to do the same from their homes and that’s when Mums In Business Association came into my life. Right now I’m working with them on a project that I know will inspire thousands of other ladies. We have written a book, Mumpreneur on Fire 3, featuring the stories of myself and 24 other amazing ladies. All of us have struggled, yet all of us have come through the other side and want to help others to do the same by telling our stories. Mumpreneur on Fire 3 is available to pre-order on Amazon from September 4th, the Kindle edition will release on October 4th and the Paperback on October 11th 2018. Be inspired to inspire others. TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

Seeing Leigh refuse to give up became my inspiration to get up off my backside and start to make changes in my own life.

YOUR STARS FOR

november 2018

scorpio

by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic

Oct 24 - Nov 22

Someone envious of your popularity may challenge you in public. Avoid confrontation and walk away the winner. Children bring real joy this week! Don`t let your partner get away with spending too much money. Take a quantum leap from one career to another. Wear green to bring luck in lottery and love.

As I Predicted: • Marijuana, has been legalized in Canada - buy Canopy Growth or Aurora Stock. Monthly Predictions: • Kris Jenner and longtime boyfriend Corey Gamble, I am predicting that we will be hearing about an engagement for this upcoming year. But will she go through with the marriage? Look in next month’s issue for my prediction. • I am predicting snow in the tip of Florida again for the end of this year.

Sagittarius (Nov 21-Dec 22)

You`ll find it easy to talk about your feelings this month. Don`t hesitate to discover what your mate`s intentions are. Your lack of responsibility and attention has been a key issue in your relationship. Don`t let relatives make demands. You can make major gains professionally by completing projects on time. Knee pain disappears by Saturday.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)

You will be emotional when dealing with co-workers or employers. You are also advised not to get into confrontational situations that deal with in-laws or relatives. You need adventure and excitement in your life, but pay for it yourself. Don`t ask for handouts. Put some energy into getting back into shape. Listen to reason and secure your future now.

Today’s Daring Woman

Aquarius (Jan 21 -Feb 19) Secret affairs may be exposed this month - so if you`re being sneaky, beware! Avoid lovers who already have a relationship, even it is a bad one. At work, you should be putting in some overtime. Travel for business, not pleasure. Short trips will prove to be more fruitful than you imagined. Work quietly on your goals. The number 8 is lucky.

Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)

This month is a major pain! Someone you live with will get angry if you are neglecting your duties. You may also find your boss is not delighted with your work. Difficulties with females could cause emotional stress. And try to avoid chewing hard food since dental issues are indicated. It all works out by the last Saturday of the month and you`re on top of the world!

Aries (Mar 21- Apr 20)

The pace of this month will be very fast, and you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the luxury of taking your time to think things through. Trust your instincts and rely on your inner voice. You have great insight into future trends and you would be wise to turn this vision into cash. Romance sizzles late in the month. Your wit and wisdom is in big demand!

Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)

You need help to unite the family! You may want to clear the air with older relatives. But watch your temper. Meanwhile, your magnetic, outgoing personality will capture hearts by the dozens this month. You will be drawn to people who arouse your intellect and your physical passion. Tread slowly. The stars advise avoiding dangerous adventures.

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

Erratic behavior at home may be hard to handle. Curb your tongue and pitch in. Use your inventiveness to find solutions. Your time, not your cash, will do a lot more for your relationship. You are stubborn about making changes around the house. This will squash romance if you`re single and cause trouble if you are in a committed relationship. Ease up.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Don`t beat around the bush this month. Empty promises will cause confusion. Keep calm! Someone around you is bouncing off the walls. Use it to your advantage. You can pick up additional responsibility that will lead to higher wages and a better position. Exotic destinations beckon. Give in to the temptation and pamper yourself.

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Leo (July 23-Aug 21)

Your compassion will be appreciated more than you can imagine. But don`t count on friends to be loyal when it comes to work. Take extra special care of your luggage if you are traveling this month. Stars indicate you are in for a bumpy ride Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re apt to make a move or experience change at home. Listen to a small child to hear the truth.

Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 23)

Don`t throw your money around to impress others. Your ability to do detailed work is enough to dazzle those around you, especially at the office. On the social front, you may have been too agreeable to someone who just wanted to use you! Don`t ignore any emotional issues that could be causing health problems.

Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)

Romance is quite possible this month if you make the first move. Real estate and joint financial ventures will be profitable. You must lay down ground rules so that you can complete a job. Your career hits a new high as you solve a long-standing problem. Don`t lift anything heavy, back issues are indicated. The key is found in an old desk.

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