Today's Daring Woman - October 2018

October 2018

Goddess

ROCK YOUR INNER

BE A BADASS NOT A JERK!

Favia DubykA FEW WEEKS TO

LIVE Today’s Daring Woman

1

2

Today’s Daring Woman

Join the community and share your stories of inspiration, heartache, love, wisdom and experience with others and know that your words are helping others.

daringwomaninc.com/community

Today’s Daring Woman

3

In this Issue...

Life & Love

Empowered Reading

13 | Powerless Wound 15 | Rock Your Inner Goddess

49 | 10 Titles to Pick Up

Health & Wellness

51 | Sex & Your Body 54 | Fashionistas 56 | A Cure for Anger 58 | Having a Voice Matters, But Actions Speak Louder

22 | I Will Previve 25 | Breasts: The Key to Feminine Vitality 34 | A Letter From Your Emotions

Cover Stories 37 | A Few Weeks to Live 43 | Be a Badass, Not a Jerk

Women’s Issues

Horoscopes 58 | Horoscopes

Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman

4

Today’s Daring Woman

TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief

Team Editor GERI WESTPHAL Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Copywriter KATHERINE COPELAND Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL PR Director DORIS HOBBS Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS

Special Thanks to Dr. Favia Dubyk, for sharing her courageous story as this month’s Daring Woman spotlight!

Today’s Daring Woman

5

From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.

S H O P DAR I N G W O M AN. C O M 6

Today’s Daring Woman

Today’s Daring Woman

7

Letter from the Editor If you don’t, who will? As women, we take on the weight of the world. So many depend on us for care, comfort, love, support. If we get sick, who’s going to fill our shoes?

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Diana Daly did just that in her article on page 22.

Mental health is crucial to your wellbeing.

When your head is a mess, everything else follows suit. Isabel Hundt shares a Letter From our Emotions. We learn how to Rock our Inner Goddess and also how our bodies play into our sex lives.

The time to take care of yourself is now. Not tomorrow. Not when you get sick. Now. What can you do today to make a difference in your health?

Fall is definitely in the air. The mornings are cool and crisp, the afternoons warm and welcoming. I love this time of year. The changing colors of the leaves, the smell of woodsmoke lingering on the breeze, fall feeds my soul in ways the other seasons don’t.

Tracey Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne

What season is your favorite? I’d love to know.

This issue is dedicated to taking charge of your health; physically, emotionally, spiritually.

While October is breast and ovarian cancer awareness month, every month...every day needs to be devoted to taking care of you.

Follow Us On...

Twitter

@imadaringwoman

8

Today’s Daring Woman

Facebook @imadaringwoman

Instagram

@imadaringwoman

Pinterest

@imadaringwoman

Apologies & Corrections We are nothing if not, human. After the last issue went to print, we realized a crucial error. We were able to fix it in the digital issue, but not the print.

In the article, Get Out of Your Own Head (pgs 30 - 33), point #3 was a duplicate of point #2. It should have read: Be mindful – Give yourself permission! Permission to love your body. Permission to treat yourself to a coffee and a nice book. Permission to take time for yourself without feeling guilty.

I, like many moms out there, struggle with taking time for me. For being “in the moment”. For not putting myself on my own list of priorities. Be mindful of what is actually going on in the present time and the importance of the same. Focus on putting attention on the positive aspects of your life and the power of being grateful of what you have right now. Being mindful is especially important when you are spending time with your kids (they grow up fast!). One thing you can do is plan a weekly family activity. It can be simply outside in your backyard or a walk to the park or having a picnic.

Our sincerest apologies to our readers and the author for this oversight.

Today’s Daring Woman

9

Contributors Jessica Chilton

Jessica Chilton is an Expressive Arts Therapist and Business Coach. In the past ten years, she has helped thousands of people around the world discover who they are and what they’re meant to do. Through her signature program, Love Liberate Launch, Jessica blends business building with spiritual growth, personal transformation, and creative expression to help entrepreneurs create the business they were born to lead. Jessica has presented at Princeton University, performed at TEDx, collaborated on stage with singer-songwriter David Wilcox, appeared on the cover of Mogul Muse Magazine, been interviewed by many inspiring entrepreneurial podcasts, and improvised on TV in her favorite tutu.

Rachel Zinman

Rachel Zinman is passionate about the deeper aspects of yoga and its ability to heal and inspire. She has spent the last 35 years practicing enthusiastically as well as teaching nationally (in Australia) and internationally since 1992. Rachel was diagnosed with diabetes in 2008 at the age of 42. It took six years for her to accept her diagnosis of type 1 LADA diabetes. Her diagnosis revolutionized her approach to teaching and practice.

Diana Daly

Diana Daly is the Founder and Creator of Luscious International, Inc. Diana has had the entrepreneurial spirit since her early twenties, when she co-founded a company based in Indonesia called The Peaceful Flow Corporation, where she designed, manufactured, and sold unique furniture imports. Subsequently, she owned furniture consignment shops until 2016, when she sold her stores to start her aromatherapy skin-moisturizing products company, Luscious International, Inc. Currently, she focuses on working with the farmers in Indonesia to create products that are organic, non-toxic, and eco friendly.

Diana resides with her husband in beautiful San Juan Capistrano, California.

Dr. Kim D’Eramo

Dr. Kim is a physician and bestselling author of The MindBody Toolkit. After healing herself from an autoimmune illness doctors said would be life-long, she created a medical practice centered around activating the body’s ability to heal. She has now assisted thousands in living pain-free, anxiety-free, and reversing chronic illness and fatigue without medications. Dr. Kim started The American Institute of Mind Body Medicine to share with other doctors and wellness practitioners, how to “Be the Medicine” that heals your patients.

Isabel Hundt

Isabel Hundt is a successful Inspirational Speaker, Founder of the #ISeeUMovement, Sociologist, certified Transformation Coach working with Highly Sensitive Visionaries and World Changers aka Empath-Warriors™, Emotions Clearing Practitioner, published Author of The Power of Faith-Driven Success and Amazon Bestselling Co-Author. Her expertise revolves around navigating your emotional world, the power of intuition and the importance of trust and perseverance in today’s society. Isabel has been featured on close to 100 TV shows, well-known radio and podcasts shows.

10

Today’s Daring Woman

Geri Westphal

Geri Westphal, Author of Beautiful Lady, shares her real-life story of how cancer changed her life for the better through reawakening and rebirth. We are intensely aware of the things that cancer takes from us, but we do not often acknowledge the hidden gifts it leaves behind.

Cameo Haag

I am a lover of the divine feminine. We must awaken as women and fall in love with the magical beings we truly are. We are meant to live lives full of passion, purpose and pleasure. We are meant for greatness.

Just a Girl

A combination of a broken heart, horrible events, drinking too much alcohol, hiding from a mysogynist and sofa-surfing put “Just A Girl” in the hospital, followed by admission into detox and then months in rehab. Her writings began as therapy. A way to process a horrible chain of events that ended in a mental breakdown and institution. Twelve months later with her life thankfully getting back on track, her scribbles morphed into “Just A Girl”…an account of how it felt to be “Me”....as she was then, inside her head during that horrific final year. And how she eventually clawed her way back to sanity. Today, Just A Girl is a happy, healthy, sober, accomplished writer and columnist.

Viki Simpson

Viki Simpson is licensed and accredited by Hay House to teach the philosophies of self-help guru, teacher and bestselling author Louise L Hay. She works exclusively with women through workshops and life coaching; teaching ladies to love and approve of themselves, empowering them to harness the Law of Attraction and manifest their personal goals.

Vanessa Ungvarsky

Vanessa Ungvarsky is the owner and creator of Taylor Made Polish located in Downtown Easton. After high school, Vanessa joined the Air Force and proudly served four years.

During this time she completed her four-year degree at night stationed in Fairbanks, Alaska. She later moved to the East Coast and spent 10 years working for a Fortune 100 pharmaceutical company, where she completed her MBA. During her tenure at there she relocated to and invested in rental properties in Downtown Easton. Eventually leaving her corporate job to pursue more on her family and life in Easton, Taylor Made Polish is the perfect opportunity for Vanessa to draw on her business acumen while nurturing her girlie side. Vanessa, her husband Kris and three sons have invested significantly in the revitalization of the downtown Easton area. They live and work downtown and participate in many efforts to create a more authentic, family-friendly atmosphere..

Today’s Daring Woman

11

love

LIFE &

12

Today’s Daring Woman

Powerless Wound

by Jessica Chilton

A daring woman courageously shines her light into the dark places. A daring woman sees life’s challenges as training ground for her purposeful work. A daring woman touches her wounds with love. A daring woman moves beyond fear in the direction she is called to go. This is my Truth & Dare story from powerlessness to True Power. May it meet you where you are on your own daring journey.

I remember so many times where I have felt powerless in my life. Being the baby of the family, I have a stream of memories where I felt weak, incapable, helpless, and victimized. The time I was stuck upside down in an inflatable toddler inner tube with my face under the pool water and feet kicking frantically up in the air. The time my head was held barely above the toilet water with the threat of being flushed. The time I was pinned down and tickle tortured for way too long.

The time I was stripped down to naked on the beach against my will.

And then there were the biggies... like the time I found my oldest sister dead...when I felt absolutely powerless--frozen in the helplessness of nothing I could do.

This powerless pattern played out again and again, creating an underlying fear of not being safe in the world and a feeling that I needed to be saved by someone else. And so, of course, that’s what I called in--over and over, I was saved by my parents, saved by my other sister, saved by my boyfriends, saved by my doctors.

Today’s Daring Woman

13

[ LIFE & LOVE ] 14

The height of my powerlessness came in 2001-- catalyzed by the 9/11 terrorist attacks My Power Wound has led me on a journey that triggered the victim in so many of us. I from helpless victimhood to egoic powerwent from leading a non-profit program in proving and then onwards to intimate San Francisco to feeling severely depressed, wanting to die, and This powerless pattern played being absolutely incapable of performing out again and again, creating an my job. As usual, my sister swooped in to underlying fear of not being safe in the save me - calling my boss to say I would no world and a feeling that I needed to be longer be working there and flying me home to be cared for by my by someone else. parents once again. The shame of that failure stung for years. inter-connection with my Higher Power. I Then of course there was my decade of illnesshave journeyed from floundering as a ‘baby’ fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, rheumatoid entrepreneur 10 years ago, to striving and arthritis - where my body began to mirror my proving my empowered entrepreneurial thoughts of helplessness, bringing me to the might, to creating a higher-powered successful painful place of barely being able to walk. business that is fueled by love. And now I help others to do the same.

It’s interesting how, as humans, we all have a wound pattern. Do you know yours?

It’s amazing how different it is to know my true When we haven’t yet healed and integrated it, power and trust it completely. It is amazing we spend a lot of energy living the pattern out how much more easeful work is now that my over and over again as exhibited above. small helpless self is not trying to prove its capability. And it is amazing how expanded my We also spend an exorbitant amount of capacity is now that my highest self ~ spirit~ energy trying to hide the pattern or trying to God ~ love is leading the way. prove that this pattern does not exist within us. This is exactly why my ego has pushed hard No matter where you are on this journey from in the direction of competence, determination, powerlessness to being higher-powered, you independence, perseverance, and empowered are welcome exactly where and how you are. identity. I’m now able to see the ego’s My work with this wound has inspired my compulsion behind my myriad expressions of passion to help others move beyond the fears “Look at me. Look at me! Look what I CAN do! of powerlessness (What if I can’t? What if I fail?

Look how powerful and brave I am!”

What if I’m not good enough? What if no one can save me? What if they find out I’m weak?

The cool thing about wounds is when we give What if I die?) and support them to move into them loving attention and shine the light of their True Power - with which their greatest awareness on them, they have lessons to contribution can be made. I’m grateful to be teach and gifts to offer us. They lead us to our on this daring path with you. TD W deeper purpose and the community of people we’re designed to serve.

saved

Today’s Daring Woman

Rock Your Inner Goddess

by Rachel Zinman

It’s our stories that bind us. How we triumph over adversity and reclaim our power.

Storytelling and sharing are also a way to release stress. It’s like having a friend hold your hand. As you share you let go.

I’m a yoga teacher and have always been fascinated with the stories of yoga. In India, storytelling is an art where both the listener and the teller grow from the exchange. In the yoga tradition, stories are told to bring meaning to life and to inspire right thought, deed and action.

As a woman I am particularly drawn to the stories of the female deities. Watching them slay demons, or win battles through their intelligence and wit has enabled me to reach deep into my own psyche and consider how I approach conflict. Their ability to shift armies with a look, or to walk fearlessly amongst the shadows has taught me that it’s my attitude that matters more than my actions. Their gifts with the creative arts have inspired me to use words, music, dance and art to express and let go instead of hanging on to painful experiences.

Today’s Daring Woman

15

[ LIFE & LOVE ]

Yoga is so much more than a physical practice.

Yes, there are postures to release stress and help you cope with trauma but postures can only do so much. Bhakti yoga, the yoga of love, emotion, creativity and surrender is a solid tool in supporting you to find peace. The stories of yoga are a powerful part of a Bhakti practice.

Bhakti encourages you to cry, sing, laugh and connect. It’s about community, the sharing of stories and love. Through expressing love, you receive love. Eventually you discover that the love you express and feel for others originates in you. You are the source of love. With love on your side, you can never lose.

So who are the ancient female power houses in yoga that we can look to for inspiration?

Durga Think of Durga as an ancient Amazon warrioress, a great protector and wise mother.

Created by all the gods and goddesses when the earth was under threat by a terrible demon, she was strong and indomitable.

Rather than fight him with her armory she showed him her foot. The demon completely transfixed by her beauty lost momentum. A split second was all she needed to chop off his head with her sword.

Durga is invoked for strength, security and when faced with an insurmountable obstacle.

She is both beautiful, powerful and daring.

She is depicted riding a tiger with 10 different battle instruments.

Sally Kempton, author, meditation teacher, and the founder of the Dharana Institute, says “Durga is the power behind dramatic breakthroughs; She is the patron goddess for overscheduled working moms, inspiring them to deal with the challenges of juggling a job, a family, and countless daily emergencies.”

In my own life I have called on Durga when needing to make a difficult decision. With her at my side I wield my sword, slicing away the

16

Today’s Daring Woman

challenges with both skill and grace.

Action Steps To Invoke Durga 1. Imagine yourself as a powerful warrioress with every tool at your disposal to defeat any obstacle. When you are in your center you are unstoppable!

2. Durga is the perfect energy to call on when having to make a difficult decision. Write a list of pros and cons and imagine how your life would be different after making the decision.

3. Practice saying no to things you know will overwhelm you, aren’t serving you or are against your convictions. When I was really sick the doctor kept telling me my problem wasn’t that I was chronically ill (I have type 1 diabetes) it was that I didn’t know how to say no. He reminded me that by saying no to something I was saying yes to myself.

Lakshmi It is said that wherever there is beauty you’ll find Lakshmi. The word “beauty” is an abstract concept: To bring it to life, a form is required.

That form is Lakshmi.

Lakshmi ‘appeared’ one day standing on the back of a turtle in the ocean of milk. All the gods and demons fell in love with her. A great battle ensued to win her hand. Bali the demon won. Lakshmi impressed by his strength, agreed to be his consort and crowned him king of the earth. Everyone loved Bali, until his wealth made him arrogant. He began to take Lakshmi for granted. Beauty has no room for ignorance or arrogance and so she left him.

With beauty and creativity gone, the earth’s destruction was imminent. This time the gods and demons joined forces to re-invoke Lakshmi. They came together and churned the ocean of milk for a millennia until eventually their efforts reached her compassionate heart and she returned. This time she chose Vishnu (the love that sustains us) as her consort and

only material generosity, but also generous sentiments and generosity of time and assistance. Gratitude is a major Lakshmi attractor. So is a commitment to making the life around you beautiful, loving, and harmonious. Lakshmi is all about giving, but she’s also about being open to receive.”

As a woman living with a chronic condition, Lakshmi is my talisman. When I am feeling, lacklustre or drained I call on her to soothe my burnt edges, hold me in perfumed arms, sing to me when I am lonely or frightened.

Action Steps To Invoke Lakshmi 1. Plant a seed, water it and watch it grow.

This could be an actual seed planted in your garden, or the seed of a creative idea.

2. Lakshmi loves beauty so bring flowers, candles anything that feels beautiful into your home and life.

Manjari Sharma: www.manjarisharma.com

the earth flourished once again.

Lakshmi is depicted in red either seated or standing on a lotus in a lake. She is surrounded by elephants and holds two lotuses in her hands.

Lakshmi is the sweetness, harmony and beauty in each one of us. Not external beauty, but the inner radiance that goes beyond the surface. Lakshmi is grace personified. It’s that mysterious quality that overcomes us when we are in the flow. She is the creative spark that enables a seed to grow into a radiant flower.

She is represented in warm, healing foods, beautiful and bountiful surroundings and all things yummy and luscious.

According to Sarah Kempton, “Kindness and generosity express the Lakshmi spirit—not

3. Take time each day to focus on what makes you feel beautiful. Is it the clothes you wear?

The people you surround yourself with. The places you go? Or is it internal, the way you speak to yourself? The thoughts you have, the dreams you cultivate.

4. Lakshmi is also about material prosperity.

If you are struggling with this, remind yourself that abundance and ideas of self-worth are linked. When we value ourselves we become magnetic to others. Take some time to consider your worth. What can you offer that has value to your community? Whatever it is that you love to do there is someone out there who would value your service. Lakshmi’s energy is about growth through nurturance.

Start in small ways while thinking big. From little things big things grow.

Saraswati The name Saraswati means “the essence of self.” But what does that actually mean? On

Today’s Daring Woman

17

[ LIFE & LOVE ] Sonal Agrawal: wwwpinkpeppercorn.in

the surface you might think it means you as woman, mother, daughter, fempreneur, lover, creatress. Essence of self is not about the roles we play it’s about the one experiencing the roles. The knower.

The deeper definition of Saraswati is knowledge. She is our first word, our understanding, She is our ability to express ourselves through speech, writing and communication. Whenever we speak our hearts, express our truth, cry for justice, Saraswati is there!

Saraswati was born out of chaos on the tip of the creator god Brahma’s tongue. Through her grace he acquired the power to think, communicate, and bring order to chaos. Being the first to appear in his world, Saraswati became the object of his desire. Repelled by his lust she tried to run away, but Brahma, who had four heads could not control himself, He grew a 5th head so he could gaze at her no matter where she was. All the commotion aroused the temper of the destroyer god, Shiva, who in a rage wrenched off his 5th head.

Seeing him crippled, Saraswati felt compassion

18

Today’s Daring Woman

and began to sing a healing song. Her song filled the universe with sacred sound, which formed the heaven, earth and seas, and randomness gave way to the rhythms of life.

Saraswati is depicted in white seated on a white lotus. In her four arms she holds a book and a rosary and plays a musical instrument called the Veena.

Sally Kempton shares that, “Her companion, the swan, is celebrated in Hindu iconography as the bird whose beak can separate the milk of wisdom from the water of material existence, Saraswati’s great gift is the discernment that lets us find divinity in the world.

Saraswati is the ultimate symbol of empowerment for a woman. She refuses to be downtrodden by circumstance and is unafraid to speak her truth. She represents the purity we are born with, despite what we are conditioned to believe about ourselves. She is truth, justice and the unending flow of creative inspiration. Her words, songs and stories are like a river that has many mouths to the sea.

Action Steps to Invoke Saraswati 1. Get your creative juices flowing. It might be time to sign up for pottery, dance, painting or a writing workshop. Start taking pictures, creating a collage of images that inspire you.

Join a community choir, let sound be a healing force in your life!

2. Get creative in the kitchen. Try a new recipe, experiment with colour combos in your food.

3. Bring order to chaos. Declutter your home, car or workspace even your desktop on your computer or your phone can benefit from this activity.

4. Think about things you’ve been wanting to say or express that you’ve held back. Allow yourself to speak freely. Even more important are the words you offer to yourself. Write yourself a love letter. Read it aloud.

These three powerful goddesses are within you whether you recognise them or not. By becoming aware of their qualities, you can change the way you relate to yourself as a woman. Because I live with diabetes seeing myself as strong, beautiful and wise makes up for the helplessness I feel when I’m having a terrible day.

And as for humanity as a whole? Nurturing the feminine within empowers us to love more, surrender more and ultimately do what we do best. Be ourselves. TD W

“I am woman hear me roar!”

- Helen Reddy

Today’s Daring Woman

19

20

Today’s Daring Woman

wellness

HEALTH &

Today’s Daring Woman

21

[HEALTH & WELLNESS]

I Will Previve

by Diana Daly In 2010, I made the decision to have my breasts removed.

When I first tell people about my double mastectomies, their immediate response is, “Oh, I’m so sorry you have cancer,” with that you poor thing look on their face. Uh oh! Now I must explain that I don’t actually have cancer; I’m only predisposed to getting cancer. Then comes the relief, “Phew. Thank God you don’t have cancer.” While well-intentioned, this now makes the trauma of what I endured and the fact that I had my boobs chopped off seem so insignificant. Yes, thank God I don’t have cancer, and I am forever grateful for that, especially after watching my young mother suffering from breast cancer. Regardless, I still experienced the pain of the same traumatic surgery that a woman with breast cancer does, I still have a lifetime of doctors’ appointments and medical bills and I, too, am still terrified that I will I end up getting cancer.

22

Today’s Daring Woman

The decision to have my ovaries and breasts removed as a preventative measure was not an easy one. You may be wondering, ‘why did I elect to get such an invasive surgery if I didn’t have cancer?’ Well, in 2008, I tested positive for BRCA1, a genetic mutation which heightens your risk of getting breast, ovarian and other cancers before the age of 50 by up to 84%.

When the diagnosis came, I had already been working on improving myself. I was in the best shape of my life; my kids were thriving, and my business was taking off. I was falling in love and enjoying a new relationship; finally feeling like my life was coming together in a profound way when….WHACK! The BRCA1 gene smacked me right across the face! Suddenly, with my womanhood on the chopping block, so to speak, I wondered how I would feel, how I would look, and how this would affect my kids, my career, and my new relationship? I was terrified with so many unanswered questions.

Ten years later , I don’t regret my decision to get the preventative surgeries. By making positive lifestyle changes, educating myself on my condition, prioritizing my family, my health, and marrying an accepting and loving man who stood by me through it all, has given me hope for a happy, healthy and bright future.

Although I am satisfied in many aspects of my life, I still experience unwanted side-effects of the surgeries, which has inspired me to launch my new business, Luscious International.

I’ve created aromatherapy skin-moisturizing products that hydrate women, who, like me, suffer from dryness due to lack of hormones, harsh medical treatments and relentless side effects of aging, in an organic, natural way.

Inspired by my courageous Mother, who lost her battle with breast cancer, I hope to encourage other women, especially my sister and my daughter (who both tested positive for BRCA1 as well), to fight for their lives and do everything in their power to PREVENT cancer by leading a healthy lifestyle, getting regular checkups, and living in the moment!

I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give, I will previve, I will previve……. hey hey! TD W

Ten years later , I don’t regret my decision to get the preventative surgeries.

By making positive lifestyle changes, educating myself on my condition, prioritizing my family, my health, and marrying an accepting and loving man who stood by me through it all, has given me hope for a happy, healthy and bright future.

Today’s Daring Woman

23

24

Today’s Daring Woman

BREASTS The Key to Feminine Vitality

by Dr. Kim D’Eramo Today’s Daring Woman

25

[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

Do you love your breasts?

You may have never been asked this by a doctor, but it happens that as a woman, the way you feel about your body is one of the most important factors that contributes to your health.

From a functional standpoint, breasts are used to nurture our young, or to receive tenderness from a lover, increasing oxytocin levels and giving us a sense of connection and bonding, while from a societal standpoint, they represent so much more.

A sign of womanhood and our sexuality, there are many ideas and judgments about how breasts should look, how they should feel, what size they should be, and whether we should enlarge them or have them surgically removed.

Breasts are objectified, lauded, praised, celebrated, worshipped, feared, criticized, manipulated, …and they are sacred.

No other body part receives so much attention and scrutiny.

Our breasts represent the way we care for and nurture others and also have to do with the way we nurture ourselves. For many women, after years of nurturing and caring for family, parents, and community, breast disease develops and they are finally forced to put themselves first. For the first time, they must prioritize their needs or they quite simply could die. When we sacrifice and compromise ourselves for others, putting their needs before our own, our bodies suffer.

We’re in a culture that trains women to put others first. When we want to be happier, we do more for others and give more of ourselves, looking for self-worth and personal fulfillment. Often when I ask women “What do you really want?” they simply don’t know. “I’ve

26

Today’s Daring Woman

never considered what I want, since I’ve been so focused on caring for everyone else” is the most common answer. Women often feel guilty putting their needs first or asking for assistance, as if somehow that makes them inadequate or selfish. We overtax ourselves, constantly putting energy into meeting the needs of others, while ignoring our own. This directly affects the part of us designed to nurture others; our breasts.

Dis-ease with our breasts applies not only with mothers and adult women, but even in the very young. Girls who develop breasts early may attract undesired sexual attention, while girls who are delayed in breast development may feel inadequate. There is often shame with having larger-than-average breasts at an early age, and young girls either hide their bodies or flaunt them as a way to deal with insecurity. Currently, women and girls are not given much guidance in how to release shame about their bodies, and embody their breasts with confidence and deep respect for their femininity. We simply aren’t taught how to handle this power. This is part of what I’m here to change in my practice of MindBody Medicine.

I’ve seen many women develop back and neck pain by subconsciously hiding their femininity and literally, trying to hide their body. They feel self-conscious, insecure, and even threatened by the world around them, so they try to make themselves smaller to diminish the risk of being seen and allow them to disappear into the background. They crouch, slouch, and hunch to diminish attention on their breasts and their beauty, out of fear, shame, or selfdenial. When this type of “hiding” begins at a young age, it can result in scoliosis, hunchback deformity, chronic pain, and even chronic depression.

When young women develop breasts without being properly initiated into womanhood, guided and assisted by women who have integrated a strong sense of self-worth, security, confidence, and self-love, this is

especially difficult. The body begins to change and express emotions, physical signals, and chemical signals that enhance sexuality, attraction, attractiveness, and maturity that they simply are not prepared to handle. This often brings a sense of shame, as though sexuality is wrong and should be hidden. Many young girls carry this throughout their adulthood and never have an outlet to release this selfjudgment and poor body-image. It affects diet and nutrition, fitness, sexuality, and even the confidence we have to enter a career with confidence.

We’re also in a culture where femininity is seen as inferior and weak. There is a big misunderstanding about the true essence of femininity and it’s often seen as subordinate and subservient to the masculine. We’re bombarded with messages to literally stay small physically, and with it, there is the message that we are less-than societally. No wonder so many women have poor body image and eating disorders. We’ve simply not been shown how to honor the power that lies within our bodies!

The feminine essence is about stillness, receiving, softness, being, creativity, cyclic change, and the unseen power within. We’ve been living in a world that primarily honors and values the masculine essence: action, achievement, exertion, overcoming, and external power, so when there’s the call of the body to step into the feminine essence, most women resist this, and reject themselves. Nowhere is this more overt than with the breasts, the most uniquely feminine expression of our bodies.

The masculine essence is about linear, unchanging steadiness, the ability to hold a constant foundation for the ever-changing flowing feminine. We all have masculine and feminine energies within us. Typically, women have more feminine than masculine energy. There is meant to be a balance and harmony here. When women are conditioned to embody only their masculine attributes, it goes against their nature. Menstruation becomes a “curse” and the body literally generates hormones and chemicals that tense muscles, restrict blood flow, and make it painful and depressing to go through their monthly cycle.

The body is constantly listening to and reflecting our ideas about it.

Women’s bodies are the ever-changing vessel of Life, literally, the space through which new life flows. When they’re pushed, restricted, judged, and held to rigid expectations

Today’s Daring Woman

27

[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

“

When we think our power lies in our achievements, our worth seems to come from outside of ourselves.

and demands, they cannot function normally.

Life flow is restricted, and disease follows on every level; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Whether or not there is a medical diagnosis of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), anxiety/depression, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, fibrocystic breast disease, or even breast cancer, when there is dis-ease with your feminine essence, there will be some level of physical disease in your body. There cannot NOT be. The physical body is impacted by every thought and belief we have about ourselves, our womanhood, and our feminine power, even if it’s just a lack of understanding of what that really is.

When we think our power lies in our achievements, our worth seems to come from outside of ourselves. We must constantly work harder and harder to prove to ourselves and others that we are worthy of love. The cellular messages in our body reflect this discord.

Cortisol, stress hormone, levels rise and stay high throughout the day. Inflammatory chemicals flood the body. These changes are not only associated with anxiety, overweight, chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease, depression, and diabetes, but they’re also known to ignite the cellular changes that cause cancer to develop. This has been shown to even affect our DNA expression. That means if you have the genes for breast cancer, these chemical reactions activate them.

Likewise, when we live in harmony and balance and demands, they cannot function normally. Life flow is restricted, and disease follows on every level; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Whether or not there is a medical diagnosis

28

Today’s Daring Woman

of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), anxiety/depression, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, fibrocystic breast disease, or even breast cancer, when there is dis-ease with your feminine essence, there will be some level of physical disease in your body. There cannot NOT be. The physical body is impacted by every thought and belief we have about ourselves, our womanhood, and our feminine power, even if it’s just a lack of understanding of what that really is.

When we think our power lies in our achievements, our worth seems to come from outside of ourselves. We must constantly work harder and harder to prove to ourselves and others that we are worthy of love. The cellular messages in our body reflect this discord.

Cortisol, stress hormone, levels rise and stay high throughout the day. Inflammatory chemicals flood the body. These changes are not only associated with anxiety, overweight, chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease, depression, and diabetes, but they’re also known to ignite the cellular changes that cause cancer to develop. This has been shown to even affect our DNA expression. That means if you have the genes for breast cancer, these chemical reactions activate them.

Likewise, when we live in harmony and balance with our body, embracing our femininity and allowing it to be expressed in healthy ways, this decreases cortisol, inflammatory hormones, brings physical wellbeing, and turns “off” the genes that cause breast cancer. That means even if you do have the genes for breast cancer, you can keep your breasts and remain cancer free.

The disconnection with our feminine essence and lack of harmony in the body prevents us from tapping into our body’s wisdom and

guidance. It causes fear, anxiety, and a lack of awareness about what choices contribute to our health. We do not need to live in this discord and distress, constantly seeking out answers from experts, books, or the latest research in health science. There is so much Wisdom in our bodies when we’re in harmony with our feminine essence! This opens up awareness that guides us in everything from what foods to eat for ideal health, to which relationship to choose for an ideal partnership, to which career will bring the greatest prosperity. Our internal guidance assists us with our overall health, abundance, and balance in all areas of life.

fit, she began to feel out of control of her body and her weight. She used running to stay fit, and pushed herself to run even when she didn’t feel like running. Her body wore down from injuries, overuse, and pain. She used pain medication, but more problems and illness developed and Ann continued to feel like her body was falling apart. Eventually, her doctor found that her thyroid labs were abnormal and told her she had hypothyroid disease.

When we’re disconnected with our bodies due to this self-rejection, we cut off this wisdom, calling on the mind to figure out the answers to everything. There is now a billion-dollar industry to tell us what to eat, how to have a great relationship and how be fit and slim, and still we’re more overweight, lonely, and sick than any culture ever before in history.

With the excess of masculine energy, we assert ourselves, overwork, over think, push too hard, and strive for more, instead of opening, allowing, and receiving. This creates illness in the body, discord in relationships, and lack of passion in our work.

Here is an example of what this looks like: Ann was a medical student who worked hard and push herself to succeed. Because she’d been raised in a conventional family, she learned that her worth had to do with her achievements. She had seen her mother suffer rejection from her father, and stay in the marriage because she was dependent on him financially. Ann vowed she would never let that happen to her. She prioritized work and her studies, and although she had a relationship with a man she loved, her first priority was her career.

During medical school, Ann developed fatigue and began to gain weight. Previously slim and

That is when Ann decided to surrender. She knew her body could heal, and although she had no idea what to do, she reached out for assistance from me. What we found was Ann’s fear of failure and need to excel had depleted her body. There was also struggle in her relationship. Because Ann was adamantly against being dependent on a man, she subconsciously withdrew from her boyfriend,

Today’s Daring Woman

29

[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

which created turmoil and distress in the relationship.

undervalue our innate value, and our world reflects that.

Through Skype and phone sessions together, we rebalanced Ann’s body, and released the fear keeping her from surrendering, receiving, and allowing. Her body healed. Her fatigue resolved and her energy returned. She lost weight and was free from pain. When she returned to her doctor, her thyroid had returned to normal. She no longer required medications.

For many women with premenstrual syndrome, hormone imbalance, pelvic disease, and breast disease, there is imbalance with these masculine and feminine energies. The way they feel about their body is registered physically and creates disharmony and disease.

There is so much power in integrating a healthy feminine essence and allowing the flow of health. This has to do not only with our cellular and hormone balance, but also the choices we make in our lives. If you’ve ever had a day when you just don’t feel like working, but kept pushing, only to become fatigued and unable to perform, you know what it’s like to have too much masculine energy. We strive to get ahead and miss the signals from our body telling us to slow down and receive. We simply don’t value that receiving could contribute more to us than doing.

Many women live this way and opt for a more masculine expression of power, productivity, and outer action. We’ve been conditioned to deny the signals from the feminine essence, which are more based on the inner, unseen power than outer action and productivity. It’s not seen, so we think it doesn’t matter. We

30

Today’s Daring Woman

How do you know if you have an imbalance in your masculine/feminine energies?

How you feel about your breasts will tell you a LOT about how this masculine/feminine balance.

Take a look at your breasts naked in the mirror.

How do you feel when you look at them?

Is there an internal dialogue you’re aware of?

Are they too saggy?...

Not large enough?...

Too large?...

Ugly?...

Do you feel embarrassed when you look at yourself naked?

Maybe there’s just a feeling of discomfort, or even disgust.

Notice this! It is valuable feedback about

Stand tall. Jut out your chest and hold your shoulders back. Let your head fall back and shout out to the world: “I’m a woman! Take me fully and completely!”

the messages you’re sending to your body, specifically the feminine parts.

Here’s an exercise to find out how you really feel about expressing your feminine self.

-Stand tall.

-Jut out your chest and hold your shoulders back.

-Let your head fall back and shout out to the world: “I’m a woman! Take me fully and completely!”

This is what the feminine energy does.

It surrenders to the masculine. The inner feminine power surrenders to the outer masculine world.

Does this make you feel diminished?

Subordinate? Threatened?

That’s how you’ve been trained to view femininity.

Does it make you feel good? Exhilarated? Sexy?

Excited? Divine?

That’s an indication that you’re balanced in your feminine expression.

In today’s world where there has been so much focus on the masculine, where we’ve been conditioned to work hard, learn more, and achieve, we want to be in control instead of surrendering to a higher Wisdom. We set goals, assert ourselves, and push to get what

we want. This is the opposite of what the feminine energy has for us. It gets translated in our bodies.

The feminine aspect moves us to surrender, release, and allow instead of force. This allows us to receive so much more! When we suppress this natural flow, we hold on tightly to our goals and agenda, exhaust our body, and block the ease, joy, and freedom we most deeply desire.

Years ago, when I developed an autoimmune illness, I was brought face to face with this imbalance within myself. I had worked hard for years to get into medical school, and was studying, running regularly, eating healthy, and was pretty regimented in my life.

I got up early to work out, attended classes all day, then studied hard all evening. When I was exhausted, I would take a nap, but then go for a run to turn myself back “on” and keep going. As the illness set in; joint pain, muscle spasm, severe fatigue, weight gain and bloating, I would push myself to overcome the symptoms. I understood ‘mind-over-matter’ and tried hard to overcome the illness.

I believed that if I surrendered to my body, things would get worse.

After trying multiple medications and therapies, my illness was worse after a year.

Today’s Daring Woman

31

As women, we are goddesses,

[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

here to love and nurture ourselves so that we can love and nurture this world.

I would have intermittent flu-like symptoms where I could no longer run, and sometimes took pain medications to get through the day.

Finally, I was diagnosed with a rare form of late-onset juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and told I would require multiple medications to calm the flare up in my immune system. I would have to live without rugs and curtains, use special kinds of detergents and cleaning solutions, and would no longer be able to run.

I was devastated to learn of this diagnosis and nearly broke down in tears, right there in the Harvard-trained doctor’s office… until I remembered that I didn’t believe in this way of treating the body. I didn’t believe my body was broken and could not heal. I didn’t believe this was just the way things were and I would have to deal with it.

The next day I developed a new relationship with my body. When I felt my symptoms, instead of trying to overcome them, fix them, or figure them out, I simply sat with them, stayed present to my body and asked what it needed from me. “Slow down” was the answer and “relax.” I listened more and more closely and I followed. There was no longer the fear that things would get worse if I surrendered, or the idea that I was a victim to this illness and it was hopeless. Instead I allowed my body to teach me and guide me. I surrendered my agenda and was open to receive something new. It changed me for life.

I became comfortable with my body, my cyclic, changing nature, and began to accept it instead of trying to conquer it. When there was pain, I would relax and send my body love. When there was fatigue, I would simply relax my body instead of fighting it. I trusted

32

Today’s Daring Woman

and allowed the power within me to do what it needed to do. This changed everything! Within 10 days I was symptom-free and my body had completely healed.

I relaxed my body and allowed the power within me to do what it needed to do.

As soon as my body received what it needed, it easily restored balance and health. I stopped fearing my body and started loving and accepting it instead. This inner relationship of ease, receiving, and allowing is part of our feminine energy and is deeply needed in so many of us.

Loving our breasts is the ultimate expression of this Divine Feminine power. When we allow our feminine expression of beauty, as we are, without fear, we allow the flow of nature through our body and life. This is powerfully healing.

I’ve created tools to assist you with developing a positive body image. Whether you feel shame sexually, are insecure about your body or your breasts, are afraid of being feminine and sexual, or you’ve developed disease and are not clear on what to do, connecting in Love with your body is the key to inviting healing.

As women, we are goddesses, here to love and nurture ourselves so that we can love and nurture this world. Unlock your inner goddess power proudly and shine your light. Honoring yourself and prioritizing your needs is the greatest gift you can bring to the world. TD W

This article by Dr. Kim D’Eramo is excerpted from the #1 internationally bestselling book “Breast Easy” (Happy Publishing, 2017).

GET THE RESOURCES THAT YOU WANT AND NEED TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR CANCER JOURNEY. DARINGWOMANINC.COM/PINKLADIES

Today’s Daring Woman

33

[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]

A Letter From Your Emotions

by Isabel Hundt

Dear Friend, To create a lasting and joyous life together, relationships require quite some work.

Wouldn’t you agree? We believe that the emotional part can be one of the toughest components of two totally different people creating a life together.

Either people tend to lack emotional expression or they’re overly sensitive and start balling their eyes out when they see a wilted flower petal fall into a puddle. Yeah, we get it.

It can certainly feel like a roller coaster ride that never ends and be honest, sometimes the question arises if all of those ups and downs are even worth keeping the relationship alive.

Sometimes it tends to make your stomach feel queasy.

So, let’s take a look at how we, your emotions,

34

Today’s Daring Woman

can support you by helping you understand who we are and why we are so darn important in creating successful and loving relationships.

The word “emotion” comes from the Latin word “emotus,” or “emovere,” which means to move outward or flow outward. Oftentimes, people also refer to us as “energy in motion.”

As you may know, everything in life flows.

Everything is based on giving and receiving so that the world stays balanced. Imagine you’re living close to a lake. If the water of the lake stagnates, it starts to grow algae, it smells, bacteria grows, CO2 levels rise, and everything in it slowly dies. Guess what? Your body is made of about 60% of water.

If you stop allowing yourself to feel all of us, we get stuck within your body as well.

Our energy can’t move anywhere and even

though we really don’t want to, our pent-up energy distracts your organs and muscles and everything starts to go haywire. We keep trying to get your attention because we really don’t want any harm to come to you, but most of the time you ignore us, which leads to you becoming sick, sometimes mentally, physically, or emotionally.

At times you’ve avoided feeling us, your emotions, for so long that we can’t hold on to ourselves anymore and we just explode, leaving you to vomit us all over other people.

That certainly doesn’t feel great and leads to tension. We watch it on a regular basis and wonder when you might actually accept us and acknowledge us as your friends instead of your enemies. It makes us sad that only a few of us are seen as worthy – like happiness and joy. We love them, too, because they increase our vibration, yet all of us emotions have very significant messages to share with you.

We totally understand your very fast-paced lifestyle. Everything needs to happen right now, in this moment! But let us tell you this; we’ve been around for hundreds of thousands of years and we know a thing or two about the world. We watch you disengage or find blame when the other person is tired, exhausted, or just doesn’t know how to respond. You, dear woman, often feel us much more than your partner. You have been given the gift of nurture, care, and intuition, which gives us greater access to you when we share our messages. Men have those qualities as well, but we know that often they are more focused on fixing and “handling” things to make you feel better – even if there is nothing to be fixed.

We are real and we want to help you understand your own needs better than you do, so you can shine your light even brighter.

(The same goes for men, by the way, they just tend to hold on to that stigma that men can’t feel as fully because it’s not “masculine,” which simply isn’t true . But that topic might be worth another letter.) However, for thousands of years you’ve squeezed us into a box and

put a label on us that didn’t even make any sense. It made us feel abandoned and grossly misunderstood.

If you’d like to connect to your man on a deeper level, we urge you to get to know us, your emotions, better. Take some time to acknowledge us for who we are. Learn to name us and how and where we show up in your body, and ask us questions. Most of the time we are just trying to support you on your path, helping you to stay true to yourself, to respect your boundaries with yourself and others, and in some cases, we let you know that you are doing great and that you’re ready to take that next big step. Other times at least one of us, mostly grief or sometimes sadness, is supporting you in letting go of something that no longer serves you or when you need to mourn a loss. It’s not always easy, but we truly are your support system.

Unfortunately, if you just let us pass, or ignore us without any acknowledgment, then you’ll often become overwhelmed and frustrated, and at that point you’ll have a difficult time communicating your needs clearly because you’re stuck in your head. We know with a certainty that you don’t like that feeling or being that way, but the person across from you will surely get irritated. Even worse, if they don’t have any understanding of who we are, they could react defensively, and it’s just downhill from there.

Our advice to you: Stop worrying about the future or regretting the past. Nothing matters more than the present moment. Learn to be present and listen to us and our message closely. The more knowledge you gain the more reflective and less reactive you become, which leads to better and deeper relationships that we can all benefit from.

You’ve got this!

With love, Your Emotions TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

35

[ COVER STORY ]

A Few Weeks to Live

by Tracey Osborne

36

Today’s Daring Woman

I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore, but there is one show I never miss… American Ninja Warrior. I’m addicted to this show. The way these athletes tackle the challenges ahead of them is amazing.

Faced with jumping, climbing, rolling, flying obstacles, the athletes on this show deal with each one head on. They don’t back down. They don’t run away in fear. They give it 110% every time.

One of the aspects of this show that I love the most are the stories of overcoming life’s challenges such as cancer, alopecia, MS, molestation and more. I laugh with them. I cry with them. I cheer for them. I applaud them.

One such story really caught my attention this season. Dr. Favia Dubyk was in her 3rd year of medical school when she started getting sick.

At first, the signs were easily brushed off by blaming being an overworked, stressed out med student.

Until she couldn’t swallow. She couldn’t breathe.

At the hospital, doctors found a 13cm mass in her chest. 13cm doesn’t sound very big, so I looked up a comparison chart. It’s big. It’s about the size of a grapefruit. In her chest.

Then she heard it. The dreaded word. Those 6 letters that can turn life topsy-turvy in the blink of an eye.

Cancer.

The prognosis…advanced stage Hodgkin Lymphoma. Favia was given a few weeks to live.

I had the extreme pleasure of talking with this incredible, passionate, bubbly ball of fire.

I wanted to hear her story. How does it feel when you hear that word? How does it rock your world to know you only have a few weeks to live?

What the hell do you do?

TO: How did you actually find out that you had cancer?

FD: Well, in retrospect, it’s very different when I think about it. I had been sick for about seven months. But I didn’t really notice being particularly sick until a few months before I was diagnosed. So, it first started with generalized fatigue. I was in med school. So, I didn’t think anything of it. Then, the stress.

I was like, “Oh I’m just stressed from taking boards. That’s why I’m tired.” Then, I started having a cough. I went to my doctor and she just thought I was having asthma problems.

But, I already had asthma. This was different.

But I took some more inhalers. They weren’t helping. Then it progressed to difficulty breathing and swallowing. I couldn’t swallow liquids or solids.

TO: So, was your throat all swollen?

FD: No, the mass was compressing my trachea and my esophagus. The mass was getting so big, it was difficult for food to pass.

For even air to pass. When I would move in certain positions, like if I would raise my arms, I couldn’t breathe at all. It would press too much. I started having bad headaches, vision problems. My original doctor was actually thinking I had a brain tumor. I kept fighting and eventually convinced someone to give me an x-ray. No one would give me an x-ray at first. And, when someone finally believed I was really sick, I got the x-ray and they found this large mass in the center of my chest. It was 13 cm. I’m not a very big person, so it took up most of my chest.

TO: Holy cow. So, what do you do? What did they say? You have this big mass…

FD: Well, you cry a lot. Fear sets in because they don’t know what it is. You could have large masses that are more benign things.

Typically, the regimen is just to get a biopsy.

You go to the hospital. You go to surgery, have

Today’s Daring Woman

37

[ COVER STORY ]

a biopsy. And then, you get an answer. And it often happens all within a week. But, for me, with the first biopsy they couldn’t tell what I had. The second biopsy, they couldn’t tell what I had. I was actually in the hospital for a month, knowing that I had cancer. But we didn’t know what type of cancer I had. I couldn’t get treated. So, I was just getting worse and worse.

But then, we figured it out and I was able to start treatment.

TO: Going through treatment, how did that play on your emotions? I know it wreaks havoc physically. But emotionally, what did that do to you? What did that do to your spirit?

FD: My first reaction was that I just had a mass and not that type of cancer. I was pretty crushed. My life was going pretty well at that point. I was half way done with med school.

I was really enjoying rock climbing. I had just met my boyfriend who’s now my husband. So, I thought life couldn’t get any better. Then, I got this diagnosis. I was really crushed.

Then, after the initial shock of it, I kind of, my attitude changed. I was like, ‘Okay, I’m ready to fight this. I’m ready to beat this. Get me my treatment. I can handle all of this’. And I really thought that I could do chemotherapy and live my normal life. That’s what I thought.

TO: How quickly did you find out how wrong you were?

FD: Oh, man. Well, I actually found out pretty fast. Because all the surgeries I had from all the biopsies, before I even started chemo, I actually had really bad side effects.

TO: Oh, no.

FD: I had clots all over my body. Or all over the top half of my body. Horrible reactions to all the medicines. I broke out in hives to one medicine. The doctors gave me Benadryl.

Then, the Benadryl made my throat close.

TO: Oh, my gosh. You were really healthy before all this happened, right?

38

Today’s Daring Woman

FD: I was relatively healthy. I didn’t have anything like cancer. But, I had been fighting infections my entire life, pretty much. I wasn’t the epitome of health. So, my soul kind of got crushed before chemo, but then once I started chemo, about maybe one month after chemo, I was completely crushed. I had no soul. My soul was dead. I felt so dead that I even created a day called death day. And it was in October. And I refused to celebrate my birthday. I only wanted to celebrate death day.

Because I felt like the Favia I knew died. And I couldn’t celebrate her birthday anymore. I could only celebrate the day she died. Which is in October.

TO: Oh my god. I can’t even fathom feeling so terrible that all I want to do is celebrate the day your soul died. That had to be the lowest of lows for you.

FD: Well, actually, I got lower.

TO: Is that possible?

FD: It’s possible. Unfortunately. I still remember, even after I felt like my soul died, I still had the willpower to go on. Continued chemo. My body just got so tired of just dealing with the horrible pain and nausea. It was like I had all these surgeries, so I couldn’t use my arms. And I got chemo in my leg, my port. So, I couldn’t use my right leg. So, I only had one working limb, my left leg. That was the only one that worked. So that really left me pretty much in bed 24/7.

When I got chemo on Mondays, I would kind of sleep through the next four days. I’d wake up on Thursday night, I don’t know why Thursday night. I would wake up and ask my husband, ‘Just kill me now. I can’t go on with this treatment’. He said, ‘Suck it up and you’ll get through this’.

TO: ‘Lost your dang mind, woman’, is what he’s probably thinking.

I have probably crammed like 27 hours of living in every day. Because I SO love life now. And I know that tomorrow everything can change.

FD: Pretty much.

TO: Oh, my goodness. So, what was the turning point. When did you decide, okay, I’m done with this lowest of low crap. I’m done with feeling sorry for myself. You know, whatever it was. What was that turning point?

FD: Well, it wasn’t until I was finished with chemo. Because the more I had chemo, just the lower I went. And then, even when I was done with chemo, I switched hospitals in between treatment. I wasn’t happy with the first hospital. The first hospital came up with my treatment plan. And my very last day of chemo, my new oncologist comes in and says, he actually doesn’t agree with the treatment plan and wants to do radiation, because he didn’t really think that chemotherapy was enough to make sure that the cancer wouldn’t come back.

TO: In other words, “We haven’t totally killed and destroyed your body yet, so we’re going to work on that.”

FD: Yeah. So, the last day of chemo, I thought I was going to celebrate. I wasn’t celebrating.

We talked to more doctors and decided I wasn’t going to go through radiation. If you do radiation, the chance of a lymphoma coming back is super likely to come back. Without radiation it’s a 25% chance of it coming back.

But it was 100% chance of heart failure, they told me. So, I decided to risk the cancer and not have heart failure. Because the heart failure would be happening now.

TO: Right.

FD: So, having to make the decision was a little stressful. I still had the port in my leg because I couldn’t get the port out until a certain amount of time after chemo. Because you get x-rays or CT scans to make sure the cancer doesn’t come back. So, once I was able to get the port out of my leg, I was able to walk again, like semi-normally. And I was regaining use of my arms. I remember celebrating being able to open the fridge again.

But, after I finished chemo, and got the ports out, I actually somehow got sadder. Because now my brain had cleared up. I wasn’t living in the chemo brain. There is a thing about chemo brain where you can’t think straight. I lost a

Today’s Daring Woman

39

[ COVER STORY ]

lot of memory. I have amnesia. Now that I’m physically better, I was mentally processing what had happened over the past 8 months.

And that was really hard to handle. I was just trying to survive during chemo. I wasn’t thinking about what I was going through. So then, I got even sadder.

and to get my strength back. So, I just went to the boxing club a couple times a week for a couple months. And that’s really…that was a turning point. I started feeling more like my new self.

And one day I thought, I really want to punch something. So, I joined the Cleveland Boxing Club. I still had stitches in my leg from my port being removed. So, I had to kind of hobble in to the boxing club. And I tell them, I want to learn how to fight.

TO: Well yeah, the old self is gone. She died.

She died on her death day.

TO: And they looked at you thinking…

TO: So now we’ve got to get on to the Ninjas.

FD: ‘Yeah. I can see why. You look like you’ve been through hell.’ They didn’t say anything that day. But a month later, they were like, “Oh my goodness. You look so much better.”

“You looked so bad when you first walked in here.” I was like, thank you for not telling me that then.

I went to the boxing club. I got personal training. The people there were very nice.

And it was good that they didn’t know the old me. That they didn’t have any expectations to compare my old self to my new self. They only knew who I was then. It was kind of a nice way for me to get to figure out who I was becoming

40

Today’s Daring Woman

Not quite my old self. Even at this point…

FD: That was definitely the start of who I am today. Trying to learn how to box. Which, they actually never really taught me how to box.

How and why? How did you decide, ‘Okay, this is something I have to do?’

FD: Well, I had watched Ninja during chemo.

I was a big fan of the show. But, I didn’t really pursue it because I had a lot of other things on my plate. I was trying to get back to finish med school. Apply for residency. Rock climbing is my main sport. So, I was trying to get back to where I was in climbing. I didn’t really pursue any ninja stuff for the last two years of med school.

During my second year of residency, I thought I was strong enough, I was pretty happy where I was in climbing. So, I thought maybe it was

time to try something new. And give Ninja Warrior a shot. I had been a super fan for like 5 or 6 years.

TO: Yeah. I am, too. The first time I saw it, I was hooked. I was like, ‘Oh my god. This is something that one day I need to do’.

FD: That’s pretty much it. Yep. TO: I was watching that episode. I saw your story. And I was like wow. It was just so inspirational. My husband and I were sitting there hollering and cheering, “Come on, come on.” It was funny, it was like ‘oh my God, she’s got to go, she’s got to make it’. And it was awesome.

What is your spirit like today?

FD: Well it’s definitely much better than it was during those low points during chemo, after chemo. Now, I have a much better appreciation for life. I have probably crammed like 27 hours of living in every day. Because I SO love life now. And I know that tomorrow everything can change.

When you are in med school, you get through med school by saying, ‘Oh in a few years, med school will be over, residency will be over. And I can live life then’. You keep putting off fun things, the things you enjoy until later. But, after getting sick and when you have a tomorrow planned and now your tomorrow is, you could be dead, I now live, I do everything every day.

I go to work. I study. But I always make sure that if I die tomorrow, I will say, ‘I enjoyed this part of yesterday. I don’t regret not doing this’. I try to live with no regrets, pretty much, is what I’m saying.

Today’s Daring Woman

41

[ COVER STORY ]

TO: Right. You have to. It makes me think of, I wrote an article not too long ago about living like you were dying. And there’s this song, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that song, Live Like You Were Dying. But, every time I hear it…

FD: Yeah, I think I know the song.

TO: Yeah, it’s absolutely one of my favorite songs. Part of it is because I lost my Dad to cancer. So, it really kind of hit home with me.

TO: Yeah. That test, big deal.

FD: It made coming back to med school a lot better. Because I had seen my classmates really stressing over exams. I’m like, ‘Do well on it, but you know, you don’t have to really kill yourself by being perfect. Because there are other things in life.’ So, it’s really helped me to become more balanced person. In a way.

I make sure I get my work done. I take care of my animals, spend time with my husband, go climbing. It made me lead a much more balanced life.

TO: Nice. So how long have you been cancer free?

FD: Well, I’ve been in cancer remission now for five years.

TO: Is it ten years when they consider you cured?

FD: The mass is still there. I don’t think you’re ever cured. Some people can be cured because they can cut it out. Not for lymphoma. ... But, for mine, it’s not really a cure, it’s a remission.

So, the mass is there, it’s shrunk and it’s not actively growing. And that’s the way we want to keep it. Once you make it to the five-year mark, it’s rare for it to recur. So, you’re pretty good. But there’s no cure, unfortunately.

But ...you can’t let things get you down. You just have to fight through it. And, like you say, you’ve got to live every day like it’s your last.

Because you never know when that’s going to happen.

FD: Exactly. And yeah, so for me it put a lot into perspective. Like, why are you in med school? Or residency? You think, ‘Oh my goodness, I must do perfect on the exam. It’s the end of the world.’ Then, when your end of the world is actually like weeks away, you know, that exam wasn’t so important.

42

Today’s Daring Woman

TO: Awesome. And then, what are your plans for American Ninja Warrior? Are you going to go again next year?

FD: Definitely. I will definitely be applying. Last year, I only had two months of training under my belt. So, this year, I hope to do much better with much more practice. It’s so much fun, I can’t imagine not applying for all the future seasons.

We’ll be cheering for you Favia! TD W

Be a Badass, Not a Jerk

by Geri Westphal Are you a badass? Do you know what a badass looks like?

It might come as a surprise but being a badass has nothing to do with swearing like a sailor, being rude, loud or obnoxious, or showing disrespect. Being a badass doesn’t mean you have to be right all the time, or that you are always the center of attention. Bully-like behavior is NOT what makes a badass. All of this just makes you jerk.

Urban Dictionary – Badass adj. 1. A general term used to describe

behavior that is fearless, authentic, compassionate, and ethical. 2. Well above the social standard for “normal” behavior.

Like the dictionary says, being badass shows fearlessness, authenticity, compassion, and ethical behavior. Jerks aren’t typically any of these things. Jerks may sometimes be fearless, but they certainly aren’t authentic or compassionate. They are just jerks.

There is a great quote by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich that says: “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” But again, misbehaving doesn’t

Today’s Daring Woman

43

[ COVER STORY ]

mean being a jerk. In this case, it means being a woman who has chosen to be defined by her courage, bravery and decisions to go after

A badass woman is bold, fearless, and powerful. She lights up the room with her magnetic energy.

the life she wants instead of being confined by society’s definition of “appropriateness.”

It means being a badass.

A badass woman is bold, fearless, and powerful. She lights up a room with her magnetic energy. She trusts the world because she trusts herself. No matter what the situation is, she will make the most of it and remember that nothing lasts forever.

A badass woman is inspiring, and at times frightening to others because her strength and beauty come from within. Others may feel intimidated because she always seems to have her shit together and they do not.

Well, I will tell you a secret. No one is born being a badass. It is a personal decision and a hard-earned achievement often times based on hard life lessons. It is not a fake persona created for the benefit of others. A badass doesn’t care how many social media likes she gets or how many friends are in her friend group. She lives with passion and courage, most often after having faced a life-changing event that has granted her the ability to appreciate that today is a gift and tomorrow is not promised.

You remember the saying, “you can be anything you want to be”. Well, it’s true. It’s not easy, but it is true.

Are you ready to be a little more badass? Are you ready to conquer your fear and anxiety and stand into your own light? You can do it.

You can be a Badass.

I challenge you to give it a try. Experts say that on average, it takes just over 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic. They think the actual number is 66 days to be exact. So, I challenge you to try some of these behaviors for the next two months and see how different you feel. Just think, by the end of 2018, you could be a badass! How’s that for a New Year’s resolution?!

44

Today’s Daring Woman

Steps to Being a Badass 1

Love yourself. Stop the words of self-doubt, second guessing and negativity. Realize that your quirks are what make you shine.

Being unique is badass.

2 Develop a strong support system. Go find your tribe and stick with them. Be authentic and honest. Call your girlfriends and actually listen to what’s going on with them. Offer an open heart and kind words. Soon, you will see that it comes back to you tenfold. Strength builds strength.

3 Don’t waste time. Make a bucket list and starting crossing things off. Stand back and recognize the adventure in even the most mundane of experiences. Live in the moment and open your heart.

4 Don’t always say yes. Don’t be everybody’s errand girl. It’s great to be helpful to others, but remember that you can (and most likely should) say NO. If you don’t want to go somewhere, don’t go. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. Listen to your own voice, not the directives of others.

5 Pull the ripcord. Do something that scares you. Start small but go find something you have always wanted to do but were too scared to try. Today’s the day. Try. GO DO IT. Soon you will see that trying new things gets easier and easier. Try saying the words “why not” a little more often. Make life fun.

6 Expect nothing. Live your own life and let others live theirs. Imagine a life devoid of expectations.

Stay in the present and find happiness in this moment. Stop saying “when I get [blank], I’ll be happy.”. That just sucks the joy from today. Stop doing it.

7 Honor your emotions. If you’re happy, laugh. If you’re sad, cry. Don’t try to stuff your feelings so you can act “appropriate”. Feelings are information. Feelings such as anger, anxiety, depression, and hurt are letting us know that we are telling ourselves something that is not true, treating ourselves in unloving ways, or trying to control something over which we have no control. Feelings are important. Honor them.

8 Design a new life. It’s never too late for a new beginning. If you’re wishing things were different in one or more aspects of your life, then make a change.

Design a new life. Make a vision board with pictures of everything important to you as part of this new definition. Look at and concentrate on your vision board several times a day. Things change when you decide they will change. It’s all up to you.

Today’s Daring Woman

45

[ COVER STORY ]

Remember too, that life shows up in direct proportion to the amount of courage you are willing to show. You only get one life and it passes quickly. Be big and brave. Show as much courage as you have within you. Then tomorrow, show a little more. Soon you will see that you truly are the definition of badass; you are strong, fearless, authentic, compassionate, and ethical.

You are BADASS. Congratulations, you did it! TD W

The Daring Woman P O D C A S T Showcasing incredible women who have heartwarming stories to tell of their journey to becoming an empowered woman.

46

Today’s Daring Woman

reading

EMPOWERED

Today’s Daring Woman

47

[ EMPOWERED READING ]

You Are WORTHY! Even When You Believe Otherwise A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist Knowing that you are worthy just because you exist trumps all other life lessons. After growing up in an abusive home, being raped, losing a lucrative career, surviving a life-pausing illness, and experiencing a near financial collapse, she had a choice to let that define her as an unworthy person or defy the odds. She chose the latter and details her spiritual journey from unworthiness to evolving with confidence, self-love, and yes, worthiness.

What is one thing in your life that would change if you decided to ignite your worthiness and believe in yourself? This awareness could mark the beginning of a completely different life for you—one in which you know you are worthy of all you desire. This book gives you the knowledge and tools to deepen your own self-worth and empowers you to take the journey to what is your birthright – Infinite Worthiness!

Author: Julee Hunt

1 IN 4 CRASHES ARE CAUSED BY DISTRACTED DRIVING. JOIN THE MOVEMENT TO END THIS NATIONAL EPIDEMIC, ONE DRIVER AT A TIME-STARTING WITH YOU. ONE SPLIT SECOND is a one-of-a-kind resource that brings together the facts, real-life experiences, research about our behavior behind the wheel, and expert perspectives on how we can end the distraction epidemic.

From teenagers to adults to pro’s who drive for a living, ONE SPLIT SECOND is a book no driver can live without.

Author: Vijay Dixit

48

Today’s Daring Woman

f

10 Titles To Pick Up

Like She Owns the Place

Give Yourself the Gift of Confidence & Ignite Your Inner Magic

Love: A Tangled Knot

New Adult Romance

by Eichin Chang-Lim

by Cara Alwill Leyba

The Art of Emotional Healing

Simple Techniques for Using Art to Embrace, Understand, and Release Our Emotions

NOW!

Judgement Detox

Release the Beliefs that Hold You Back from Living a Better Life

The Alchemist 25th Anniversary Edition

by Paulo Coelho

by Gabrielle Bernstein

by Lucia Cappacchione, PHD

Get Over Your Damn Self

The No-BS Blueprint to Building a LifeChanging Business

by Romi Neustadt

Imperfect Courage

Live a Life of Purpose By Leaving Comfort and Going Scared

by Jessica Honegger

The Body Keeps the Score

Jump

Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Take the Leap of Faith to Achieve Your Life of Abundance

by Besser Van Den Kolk

by Steve Harvey

Parenting

You Will Never Pee Alone Again

by Brenda Li

Today’s Daring Woman

49

issues

WOMEN’S

50

Today’s Daring Woman

Sex & Your Body

by Cameo Haag

The way we feel about our bodies definitely affects the way we feel about our sex!

Hello there, you beautiful goddess. Yes, that’s right I said goddess. How do you feel right now in your body? Do you feel like a goddess or do you feel disconnected and unhappy with your body? Take a moment and just feel into your body. What is she trying to say to you? Most of us girls go our whole life having a love/hate relationship with our body.

On Monday we treat her with excitement as we have started a new diet or workout plan.

On Tuesday we are still loving her as she is responding well to our newfound passion to be healthy. On Wednesday she is starting to falter as she just truly wants to be happy and she is tired of always being at war with herself.

On Thursday she has fallen into the arms of disappointment as she didn’t stick to the plan she had in place and Friday she feels free as she decided to allow herself to do what she

Today’s Daring Woman

51

wants, and she will start over on Monday.

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Many of us can relate to this topic when it comes to a diet and or exercise but what about sex. How many of us girls have not allowed our bodies to be truly loved because we don’t feel good enough or sexy enough in the bedroom? Our bodies are made to be loved, receive pleasure and flourish in all of our womanly essence.

What would it look like if you decided today to commit to loving yourself more and more every day? What if on Monday we woke up feeling absolutely fantastic because we get to choose better today, not perfection, just better. On Monday, maybe we choose not to have that doughnut for breakfast and go for a nice magical walk outside, noticing all the beauty the world has to offer.

On Tuesday we decide to sit down with someone we love and watch a comedy that makes our bellies jiggle and our voices giggle.

On Wednesday we choose to take a nice warm bath and listen to some soothing music and really noticing all the beauty our body has to offer. On Thursday we indulge in a yummy

52

Today’s Daring Woman

piece of cheesecake feeling every texture and enjoying every bite making the sound that our bodies make when something is so wonderful mmm. On Friday we go pick out a beautiful piece of lingerie or pajamas that remind us of how truly amazing the divine feminine essence is and really feel into all the beauty our body has to offer.

Neither one of these scenarios is right or wrong but one absolutely places our focus on the magic of our body while the other scenario places focus on what’s wrong with the body.

Here are 3 amazing things we can do on a weekly basis to improve our relationships with our bodies, so we can in turn enjoy our sex more.

1.

Create a morning routine that connects you to the magic and beauty of your body.

When you first see yourself in the mirror in the morning say, “Good morning beautiful or Good morning gorgeous”. Take a moment and be thankful for your body. While you are brushing your teeth look yourself in the eyes and really allow yourself to feel love for all that you are.

Take a moment and before you get in the shower notice how beautiful your body is. Look at the amazing arms you have for hugging, the powerful legs you have for supporting yourself and others. Notice your beautiful belly and luscious thighs Look at your breasts and really appreciate all that they have to contribute to your fabulous body. Say a few affirmations such as “Thank you so much beautiful body for being here for me every day.” “I am so happy and grateful that I get to develop a loving relationship with my body.” “Today I will listen to my body and show her some love”.

Affirmations are a powerful way to shift our belief system about our bodies.

2.

Move your body. Our bodies are made for movement. When we choose an activity that really makes our bodies feel alive then we will feel more energy and excitement running through our veins. What excites your body?

Is it dance? Is it yoga? Is it walking? Is it weight

lifting? Choose something that you really enjoy and do more of that. I feel one thing that women should really connect to is music and sensual movement. This will allow our bodies to move as well as awaken us to the power of the divine feminine. To feel the body is to love the body. So, allow her to be witnessed and desired. Slow, sensual movement really unlocks the magic in our hips and awakens the sleeping beauty inside of us. Allow your body to be expressed. Allow your body to be loved.

Allow your body to be felt. Allow your body to come alive. Movement is key to getting some magical energy pumping through our bodies.

Love yourself through this process. Choose movement that you really connect to and feel grateful that you have a body to move.

3.

We get to have a relationship with all of our body. Yes, I mean all. How many of us girls have ever really had a relationship with our pleasure center. The part of us that is glorious and magical but never really spoke of. We may have heard it referred to as down there or some other creative name like it was a dragon chained in the basement and if awoke it could burn down entire cities. It is time to take all of your body and love the heck out of her. I am talking about the vagina.

The vulva. The clitoris. The magic. I want to discuss this further as of course how we feel about our vagina is definitely going to affect the way we experience sex. Take a moment and ask yourself “How do I feel about my vagina?” “Have I ever taken time to build a relationship with her?” “Does she need more love, connection and attention?” When you are standing in front of a mirror just notice your vulva. Notice how amazing she is and how truly divine the feminine body is. If you are feeling brave and it does take some bravery get a hand-held mirror and take a more personal look at the beauty your vulva and vagina offers.

Place the mirror on the ground and slightly open your legs to see the full essence of the labia major and the labia minora, the clitoris, and the vaginal opening. This is you and your body. This is a big part of our sexual pleasure and our sensual awakening. We must have a

relationship with our own divinity. We must honor our own body and value her essence and sensual expression, so we can feel all the pleasure we so desire. Our bodies want our love and our friendship. They desire positivity and wholeness. They desire truth and connection. Our bodies want us to feel connected to our sexuality and our sensuality.

Choose today to take a firm step forward and commit to loving your body more and allowing her to feel and receive sexual pleasure. Allow her to be put on a pedestal and adored for all that she is. You, my sister, are a divine magical sex kitten who deserves to feel beautiful inside of her skin when all the clothes are off. You deserve pleasure and peace. You deserve to love your body as a whole.

Take time and fall in love with your physical body. She is very much a part of everything you are. Yes, we are more than physical beings, but our bodies allow us to express all that we are and if we are not loving her at full force our full expression is being dulled. Don’t dull your shine girl, love yourself as big and as full as you can. You truly are a divine feminine GODDESS! TD W Today’s Daring Woman

53

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Fashionistas

by Just A Girl

You don’t need a degree in fashion to fit in in rehab....Because everyone looks the same in there.

who normally won’t leave the house unless I’m mascaraed up to the max, not having to make the effort for a while was liberating.

Tracksuits and hoodies by day, Pj’s and hoodies by night.

The first few days I was in there, I did do the works...habit more than anything. But then I realised that it would be much more productive to grab an extra half an hour in bed every morning, and rock up to morning checkin looking like a garbage pail kid like everyone else, than faff about trying to get my eyeliner straight for a bunch of people who actually didn’t give a rats ass what I looked like.

And so I ditched the make-up…

We were one huge “blind date from hell” fest.

Styled by W*therspoons and the stuff that J*remy Kyles wet dreams are made of.

We all looked rough as rats.

Because you’re not out to impress anyone in rehab. Or meet the love of your life. You’re too busy trying to get well. And so for a girl like me

54

Today’s Daring Woman

And looked at myself in the mirror.

Actually, really looked at my reflection.

And now, rehab is behind me and hoodies and tracksuit bottoms are a thing of the past.

The actual bare bones of me. No blusher, mascara or lipgloss.

Mascaraed eyes shine and lipglossed lips pout and smile for the camera as I mess around with Snapchat with my friends...

Just me.

I wear nice clothes and my perfume is Chanel.

And I liked it......I felt liberated for the first time in years.

And the photos are brilliant. They are all over my bedroom wall.

So that’s how I rolled 24/7. Just me, as I was.

And people either liked me or they didn’t. I didn’t care what they thought. It was as simple as that. I wasn’t there to make friends. I had an addiction to get rid of. My aim was to get well in the quickest time possible and then get the f*ck out of there pronto.

Making up for four years of no photographs at all.

But I did make friends. Some really bloody good ones. Because rehab is hard. And you need mates around you for moral support.

On the days that are crap and you don’t want to get out of bed, or when one of your friends goes into town and then doesn’t come back because they ended up scoring and now they are dead.

You bond with people in there. You forge solid, unbreakable bonds. Because in rehab, until you are fixed, you actually only have that day to play with and you don’t want to waste it...

So there’s no place in there for bullshit and bravado, because people haven’t got the time or the energy to waste on licking peoples arses and pandering to egos. The clock is ticking and there’s more important stuff to do.

The four years when I was ugly and ill and depressed.

So these photos are important to me. And in them, I’m happy and I’m smiling and I’m beautiful again.

But that girl back in rehab was stunning.

Because she realised in there that she didn’t need bunny rabbit ears, or animal faces or filters to hide behind.

Her beauty was within and it shone out from her like a beacon.

Even when she was on her knees and at her worst.

Because this girl was something else.

She was the whole shebang.

Like staying alive and stuff.

She was loving, she was loyal, she was funny and she was kind.

In total I spent four months living in tracksuit bottoms and oversized jumpers.

And everyone around her saw it and loved her for it.

With crazy hair and no makeup on.

Exactly as she was.

While I made the transition from Caterpillar into Butterfly.

With not a mascara wand or a hairbrush in sight. TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

55

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

A Cure for Anger

by Vikki Simpson If there were a cure for anger, It would be called Forgiveness.

It would be a bitter pill to swallow.

You’d struggle to get the cap off the bottle.

You’d choke a little as it stuck in your throat.

And it would take you a little while to realise how much good it had done you.

But it would relieve symptoms you had lived with for so long, that you no longer noticed you had.

And it would improve areas of your life that you hadn’t even associated with the anger that you had held.

Yes, if there were a cure for anger, it would be called Forgiveness, It would be available to everyone, And it would be free.

And it would be Freeing. TD W

56

Today’s Daring Woman

The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind, and above all be humble.

-Serena Williams #IMADARINGWOMAN Today’s Daring Woman

57

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Having a Voice Matters, But Actions Speak Louder

by Vanessa Ungvarsky There’s a lot of talk today about equality, diversity and speaking out for what’s right.

I’ve been watching, listening and learning, and I believe it’s my time to contribute to the conversation.

I feel the need to speak out and share my own experience. Not because I have a political agenda, or even a social one, but because if I speak up and share, the louder women are as a group, and the more we can learn and lead, together. I want to share a different perspective in hopes that it lets other women know they’re not alone.

So, where am I now? When I look at where I am

58

Today’s Daring Woman

in business today, it’s clearly a cumulation of my experiences. Like many, I have experiences from my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood that shape who I am today. Sounds normal, right? For a long time, I thought my journey was normal, but now I see the major pivots of my life are unique. So, I want to own them, share them, expose what I have learned from them and use them in my journey to become a better person.

I came of age in a very male-dominated world, the United States Air Force. I enlisted because for much of my life, my attitude was that if I worked as hard as everyone else, I’d have the same opportunities and I would be okay.

While that’s true in some cases, it was not my experience in the military.

Women are automatically at a physical disadvantage in the military, no surprise there.

But I think women are hampered not by genes, but by expectations. Instead of 17 push-ups, we only did 11. Instead of running two miles in 18 minutes, women had 21 minutes.

It seems fair on paper, after all our bodies aren’t built the same as men’s. But I could quickly see how the perception of performing at a lower level meant that professionally I would always be viewed that way.

Having a different set of standards sets you up to be different, and often lesser than. Women naturally stick out in the military. Living up to different standard exacerbated this problem, and to me, made me feel like I’d never be an equal. I knew that if I wanted to stand out, I had to be BETTER, work HARDER. So, I did.

I set out to meet the women’s physical

requirements, and then the men’s, and then to exceed them. All of them. It was grueling, but I did it. And it was beyond physical, I took every opportunity to ensure I maintained an equal status. The military offers uniforms that are built specifically for women’s bodies; I opted for the men’s cut. Women don’t have to keep their uniforms tucked in; I always tucked mine in. Whatever the requirement was for the men, I met it or exceeded it. And as a result, I was looked at as an equal.

When Being Equal Mattered One of my assignments in the military was in Alaska, as part of a team that ensured flight paths were kept safe. It was vital that the navigational equipment be in functioning order, for obvious reasons.

When the snow melted, and the ground became soft, the antenna skewed. This threw off the equipment signals that pilots use to safely land their planes. The signals were off, so we were scrambling to get the planes back

Today’s Daring Woman

59

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

in the air. Experts from the FAA were brought in to help us find a solution.

While I had set myself up to be part of my team, an equal member in all ways, not everyone viewed me that way. Which was very apparent when one of the “experts” tasked me with making coffee for him after he entered the room. I didn’t know the first thing about making coffee. I didn’t drink coffee and was never trained to make coffee. But I did know the math formula that they needed (and couldn’t figure out) to realign the antenna.

The “expert” did not listen to me, but my team did, they already viewed me as an equal. I’m not so sure that would have been the case if I hadn’t approached each day with a goal of earning their respect.

How this translates into business today It would be easy for me to take these lessons and call them part of my past. But doing that wouldn’t be true to who I am and who I aspire to be. And it wouldn’t be the proper example to set for my three sons who need to know how a strong woman looks and acts. Someday, they may raise daughters. I want them to do that with a kind heart and knowing that things can and should be improved for women tomorrow.

I want women today to stand up and speak out. I want them to own their femininity while also being powerful leaders for themselves and for others. I want them to notice other women who are trying to climb that ladder but may not be able to find the next rung.

I was shocked when I learned there were more men named David who are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies than there are of women who are CEOs. In many ways women are equal, but let’s be real, even with advances of gender equality to date, women still aren’t treated as full equals.

How to Affect a Change When someone tells you that you can’t do something, prove them wrong. Do it

60

Today’s Daring Woman

professionally, respectfully, but YOU must make change happen.

If you’re small, that’s ok, act small, it still matters. When you see a woman who needs a boost, give it to her. I have a small business, but my entire supply chain is women or small business owned. Take small steps like this.

Not everyone has personal and professional support. It’s up to us to give it to our sisters, mothers, aunts and daughters.

If you’re big, act BIG! Years ago, I worked in a company that had rigid sourcing practices when bringing on new vendors. One of the forward-thinking vice presidents understood the value of diverse thinking. One potential supplier was a diverse, woman owned company. No track record for a job of that scale, but they were scrappy, innovative and met all the other qualifications.

Our team and the VP faced major lobbying on behalf of the incumbents, but our VP held firm and allowed them to bid. This minority womanowned company eventually won a very large portion of the business. Fast forward a little over a decade and this business is now one of the largest privately held companies in the United States. You can hear the woman CEO on interviews and podcasts giving advice on business, finance and equality.

But don’t pop champagne yet. Did you notice how I said, ‘over a decade’? As I know from my own personal experience, as well as seeing this diverse, woman-owned business in action, winning the bid or getting a seat at the table doesn’t end the challenges. You’re now under a microscope. Your inevitable missteps or mistakes are magnified. We must meet or exceed.

And we must help the women around us succeed. We’re all under a microscope, all struggling to earn that seat.

And for the men who might be reading about and supporting this movement, thank you.

Your personal support behind closed doors that helps us when we’re struggling in the workplace or through social challenges is wonderful, but it’s time for you to give us the support in the office, boardroom or wherever you work, and most importantly in front of your peers and people who aren’t listening to us. TD W

It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.

-Madeleine Albright #IMADARINGWOMAN Today’s Daring Woman

61

This isn’t your drug store nail polish...

We’re different because we care about quality and minimizing exposure to harmful chemicals.

We source our products from eco-friendly suppliers that are validated free from animal testing.

62

Today’s Daring Woman

TAYLORMADEPOLISH.COM Today’s Daring Woman

63

YOUR STARS FOR

october 2018

libra

by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic

Sept 24 - Oct 23

Police will be close to you but your neighbors are the target.

You are considering purchasing a gun for self-protection.

Please be responsible with what you buy and keep it out of reach of children. Mid-month brings happiness and surprises. Your lucky colors are purple and green and your lucky numbers are 8 and 28.

As I Predicted: • Stem Cell stock MBOT is at $6.99. If I were you, invest now before it goes sky high!

• Marijuana is legalized in Canada.

• There was no stock market crash, nor will there be one. The stock market will continue to rise.

Monthly Predictions: • A special kind of Marijuana from Canada will be coming to the US that will cure Parkinson’s Disease.

• Trump will go third term.

• Next year we will hear about JayLo & Jayrod getting engaged.

• Kim Kardashian will be having her fourth baby through a surrogate.

• I see Haley Baldwin pregnant as we speak, but everyone else will be hearing about it soon

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)

Rain puts a damper on this coming weekend’s plans. Don`t forget to get your auto legal ASAP. Should you not heed this warning, you will be ticketed. Your lucky days are Tuesdays and lucky colors are fuchsia, pale pink, and orange. This month your home will be feeling a bit overcrowded when family comes to stay, sparking an argument.

Sagittarius (Nov 21-Dec 22)

This month you will be looking forward to a new job or better position. Mid-month, a neighbor will cause problems. Keep your auto away from curbside parking spots. While pulling out, you could get into an accident.

Your lucky day is Friday and lucky numbers are 9 and 76.

64

Today’s Daring Woman

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20) This month emotions will rock the ocean in a very unusual way when a loved one surprises you. Be cautious of electrical appliances near water. This week someone is careless and leaves one plugged in too close to a water supply. You will need some time for yourself to recuperate from a cold or flu bug. You will see money flowing in from many different areas.

Aquarius (Jan 21 -Feb 19)

You can get ahead by using your insight into future trends. Your greatest limitation this month will be yourself. Don`t hesitate to become involved in a new business venture but be sure to get promises in writing. You need to be optimistic about your future. Drastic alterations will occur in your job so pay attention to detail.

Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)

It may be hard for people to accept changes that they didn`t request, but the verbal lashing you will receive will make you feel jumpy and unprepared. Love and romance will spark you to outdo yourself. Try not to worry more than you need to. The stress you feel will be lessened as the month progresses.

Aries (Mar 21- Apr 20)

Be extremely cautious on the job front. It is advised that uniformed personnel should exercise more care while discharging their duties. Old dues, if any, either from governmental organizations or from your friend`s circle, will go into your pockets. Tensions will be on the decreasing side. On the domestic front, harmony will prevail.

Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)

Auspicious occasions are in store. Pending issues will be settled in your favor. On the financial front, some amount will be recovered. Expenditure is indicated. Domestic harmony will be good, but use more restraint on all fronts and give no room for arguments. Your social reputation will be on the high side this month.

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

On the job front, you gain a promotion as finances improve starting in the middle of the month.

You need to exercise more to avoid health problems. You will notice your auto having some minor troubles. Love will find you in an unexpected place when you meet someone quite different than your usual choices.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You will be contemplating a large purchase - but should hold off because finances will be a struggle. You will also be making a visit to a medical facility. Someone at your job will irritate you to the point where you lose your temper. Be warned and play it smart! An old friend from out of town will call and arrange a fall visit.

Today’s Daring Woman

65

Leo (July 23-Aug 21) There is a medical test on the horizon and you will hear about an unexpected pregnancy in the family too. Money will be slow coming in but your needs will be met. Stay away from store parking lots or your auto will be damaged. Good week for gambling! Lucky numbers are 22 and 32.

Virgo (Aug 22 -Sep 23)

You begin to get tired of constant interference by a relative. You will finally put your foot down and begin to take charge of your own life, which will lead you out of the depression you have been feeling and into a brighter tomorrow. A crime has been committed which will cause you to feel unsafe in your own home, but don`t worry.

We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already.

-J.K. Rowling #IMADARINGWOMAN 66

Today’s Daring Woman

Questions on your health?

Don’t know which financial move to make?

Wondering when your soul mate will come along?

AskJill

TM

New questions answered every Tuesday! daringwomaninc.com/askjill Today’s Daring Woman

67

Breast Cancer is #unacceptable Breast cancer kills more than 41,000 people each year in the U.S. That’s unacceptable. Join us in reducing breast cancer deaths by half by 2026.

JOIN OUR FIGHT. SAVE LIVES. Komen.org/unacceptable 68

Today’s Daring Woman

We all have a story to tell...

Join me as I share my real-life story of how cancer changed my life for the better through reawakening and rebirth. www.gwestphal.com Today’s Daring Woman

69