Bierton Strict and Particular Baptists, 3rd Ed, by David Clarke

270 about my eldest son Isaac. Isaac, unfortunately for him, discovered this letter, in my kitchen at Hayling Close and read these things about him. He felt very angry with Nurse Ratchet and he decided he did not wish to see her again.

He then informed his brother David. They both believed she was the cause of all their mothers hurt and the family breakdown and their pain. They always maintained that Nurse Ratchet had never express sorrow or given an apology to them, or their mother, for the hurt she had been responsible for. This was the source of the animosity between all my children and Nurse Ratchet and as a result it was not helpful and only led to more resentfulness between my wife and children, in particular David.

Off the Record Counseling Due to my utter despair feeling down and unable to cope with the situation I was in, I sought the help of the Hampshire, “Off the Record”, counselling service, offered at my college. This lasted for a whole two years of regular, once a week sessions. I learned that I had became the victim in our relationship and I was unable to express how I felt about a problem. I was able to say what I thought about a situation but not how I felt.

I learned also that I was not responsible for another persons feelings either. So I began to practice saying how I felt about uneasy situations, rather then say what I thought. This meant if I expressed how I felt about something no body could argue or deny my feelings. If however I said what I thought about something, then my thoughts could be argued about.

So in an argument and some one were to retort to me some thing like this, “ You are an evil bastard and you make me feel sick,” It would not help if I were to respond like this,” I think you are nasty piece of work” and you deserve what’s coming to you. This would not be a helpful way of response and would prolong an argument.

Had I said, ”I fell hurt and angry when you call me an evil bastard and I hear what you say about feeling sick”, However lets talk about the problem and see why you are angry” then may be you will feel better and we could try and resolve the matter.

I then began to realised I was not responsible for feelings and she needed to take responsibility for how she felt. I could not make her feel anything. For instance if she were to say to me, “You make me feel sick” then she was really saying she felt sick which may have been as a result of some thing I said, did or inferred, How she felt was her problem and she was to take responsibility for her feelings, not me. I was not to blame for how she felt. It may be that what I said or what I did resulted in her feeling certain things, in which case the matter could be looked at and any bad feelings could be examined and alleviated or redressed. But I was not responsible for her feelings; she should