I SS U E X V
Normalizing A Normal Thing BY A D R I A N CA L DA R O L A
U
niversity is not easy. Fun, yes. Easy, not so much. There’s something about transitioning into a fully functioning adult without parental supervision, while also trying to navigate a heavily toxic drinking environment that proves to be more difficult than expected. These same difficulties are amplified when you struggle to fit into the socially constructed box of what it means to be a man. I lived in a house of six guys during my upper years at Queen’s, and the amount of times we opened up to one another about mental health, body image, and sexuality could be counted on one hand. I had the opportunity to interview two very successful men to pick their brain about their personal struggles with masculinity. These men are by no means perfect, but they’re honest. While their experiences will never reflect
the experiences of every male-identifying person, they have faced their demons with bravery and flourished in personal endeavours, all while being the man they want to be. Darrean Baga is a fifth-year Global Development student who has been heavily involved in the Queen’s community since his first year. He served as ASUS President in the 20162017 school year and is now returning to his creative roots as the Head Manager at Studio Q. Darrean is from Scarborough and identifies as gay, and neither trait should prove him unfit for the mould of “man.” Unfortunately for the latter, it does. Baga explains that, for him, opening up was never easy. “Part of me felt liberated, but at the same time still worried about being judged. I guess that never really goes away, because a part of you holds on to the shame you were taught to feel. But it will never go away if you don’t come to terms with those emotions.” Feeling shame is a common theme amongst most men who struggle with coming out. However, as Darrean mentioned, those feelings don’t go away until you confront them, which isn’t necessarily when you come out. While he definitely struggled with it, Darrean has come to terms with what masculinity means to him. “Being sure of yourself and really knowing yourself inside out—no one really does—but to a degree where you can be confident and express yourself for who you are instead of being constrained by these socially constructed boxes. That’s what I think masculinity should be about.” It seems as though being a man has become more defined by finding confidence in the things you enjoy doing, and less about the person you are. M U S E ’ I N G S 59
