June/July 2013 On the Minds of Moms

Dr. Joni Buechler, a radiation oncologist, has joined the Essentia Health Cancer Center in Fargo, N.D.

Most recently, Dr. Buechler worked at St. Vincent Frontier Cancer Center in Billings, Mont. Before attending medical school, she trained and worked as an X-ray technician, radiation therapist and nurse. “I truly believe that having been all of those things makes me a better doctor than I would have been otherwise,” Dr. Buechler says, explaining she became a physician because she felt it was what God wanted her to do.

Dr. Buechler, who grew up in Golden Valley, N.D., earned her medical degree from the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences in Grand Forks, N.D. She served a residency in radiation oncology at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City, Iowa.

To see her profile, go to EssentiaHealth.org and click on “Find a MedicalProfessional.”

More than you’re expecting!

Maternity & nursing clothing, baby books, gifts & diaper bags, nursing bras, pumps & accessories Not

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbachers, Sunmart and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugos grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication

Amanda McKinnon

jackie zwingel

fargo | nd

Jackie lives in Fargo with her husband Eric and their 2 fabulous children, Tyson and Macie. She is a first grade teacher at Kennedy Elementary School and owner of Children’s Music Academy in Fargo. Jackie loves spending time with her family and strives to make every day special for her kids. She makes her way through each and every day loving the Lord and trying to count her blessings as she also counts the number of Cheerios spilled on her floor!

carrie carney

fargo | nd

A communications professional by day, and a variety of roles by night (think Lego builder, sidewalk chalk artist, and super hero sidekick), a mom always, and a freelance writer, Carrie is, well, busy - and she wouldn't want it any other way. Originally from the nearby lakes area in Minnesota, Carrie moved to Fargo-Moorhead to attend college 15 years ago and has loved it ever since. A graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead, Carrie has a deep affection for books, cooking, her family and friends, and laughing and dreaming with her favorite person in the world - her three-year-old son, Jack.

cindy kloeckner

sabin | mn

A 60 + year-young mom of two grown sons, Cindy is a healthy living iconoclast who shares information that illuminates and dispels the myths and misunderstandings of food consumption. There’s a reason for our obesity, overweight, and other chronic health issues. From her position as co-owner of Total Balance Fitness and Nutrition in Fargo she works to help open-minded people make sustainable health improvements in their lives.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

What do you get when you mix a full-time freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

katie lukens pinke

wishek | nd

Katie is the mom to Hunter [15], Elizabeth [5], and Anika [3 ½], and wife to Nathan. Together they live 97 miles from a Starbuck's on the remote prairie of south central North Dakota, where they moved to in 2007 from Fargo. Katie is a lifelong North Dakotan, raised in Grand Forks and near a small town, Aneta, where she is the first of the fifth generation to have lived and worked on her family's farm. After over a decade of management roles in state government and with a communications agency, Katie gave up long work hours and her 98 mile one-way commute earlier this year to have more time for family life. She started her own communications consulting and speaking business which focuses on food, agriculture, and non-profit work. Katie shares her passions for family, farming, food, and the chaos of being a mom on the rural prairie on her blog www.thepinkepost.com.

12

vacation days is the number of days the average full-time American worker has each year Did you know 53% of those workers will forfeit those days to spend more time working instead? Savor the summer, people—work can wait

sources: parenting.com | forbes.com | skincancer.org

90 percent of pediatric melanoma cases occur in kids aged 10–19 Keep pushin’ the SPF into those tweener and teen years

See. Capture. Compel.

We bring a fine arts background, graphic design expertise and years of commercial advertising experience to seeing, capturing and compelling. And it all comes with that special something, the spark, that will set your company, product or service apart.

thuenstudios.com

APharmaceutical Sales Rep for Johnson & Johnson for the past ten years, and single mom to son Nixon [6], Carmen loves her profession, lives for her son, and has a strong passion for politics She grew up in Grand Forks, ND, with her parents, Dave, radio station owner, and Patty, stay-at-home mom/artist, and younger sister, Trisha During high school Carmen worked for her Dad in radio sales and quickly developed a passion for business Being around the station she met many politicians, which sparked her interest for politics and allowed her to live in Washington, DC, for a summer internship with North Dakota Congressman Earl Pomeroy Carmen went on to graduate from the University of North Dakota with a Bachelors degree in Marketing and Masters in Business Administration She loves lake time with family and friends, traveling, attending concerts, photography, cooking, following politics on talk radio daily, and spending time with her boyfriend of three years, Drew Parsley

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

i can always count on… my Dad. He has always been there for me—forever optimistic. He lives life to the fullest and reminds me we only get one shot at this life, “This isn’t a dress rehearsal,” so we must give it our all and have a lot of fun along the way.

nothing clears my mind like…

a glass of wine and endless conversation with my favorite people.

my dad was right about…

how much parents love their children. If my sister or I were to tell him, “I love you,” he would say “I love you more.”

the best reason to be late…

mod momcarmen norman age33,fargo.nd

icy roads; the ice always wins in that battle.

my best advice to my younger self…

life is all about how you handle

‘Plan B.’ I’ve always had many hopes, dreams and goals, which have helped me get a long way, but sometimes other people make decisions for you that are out of your control. Embrace Plan B, because it might just end up being better in the end.

my easy meal of choice…

I really enjoy cooking, but when I’m tired and we are hungry it’s a scrambled egg night.

my guilty pleasure is…

finding a cheap airfare. I love traveling, especially when I find a great deal.

my favorite TV family of all time…

I really loved the Walkers from “Brothers & Sisters,” but since the show was canceled I’m a big fan of the Bravermans in “Parenthood.”

the best mistake i’ve made… taking my son, who really wanted a dog, into the pet store and letting him hold one. Once you hold the puppy, there is no turning back! Our dog, Louie, has been a wonderful addition to our family.

being a single mom gives me a greater appreciation for… education, work ethic and career. It was never a question, my parents were going to make sure I took all of these things seriously, but in hindsight I am so thankful l embraced them early on. It’s these things that provide me the freedom I have today.

one thing i hate to run out of… laundry or dish-washer detergent, it throws everything off.

my idea of a good date… is getting dressed up for a fun dinner out and good conversation that doesn’t end.

favorite everyday moment…

every night, before our bedtime prayers, my son and I talk about our “rose” and “thorn” of the day. I love to hear his take on the day. I learn a lot, too!

i’m passionate about…

so many things! First, my son [don’t make this mama bear come out and find you], voting [you won the genetic lottery to be born in this country, don’t take it for granted], politics [remember, I named my son Nixon], flu shots [no matter how much you try to tell me, flu shots do not give you the flu! Flu shots save lives, yours and the people around you! Get one!] Life jackets [don’t show me a picture of your kid, who doesn’t know how to swim, on a boat in the middle of the lake without a life jacket; I get mad!]…okay, stepping off my soap box, but I could keep going. the person who has had the greatest influence on me…

my son. His well-being is my litmus test for every decision I make.

the two blog sites i visit daily are… thepinkepost.com and momastery.com. Both blogs are very honest, thought provoking and inspiring.

story by | parent professional learning network

As parents we all want to connect with other parents who have the same experiences and offer varying perspectives. We also want to keep learning about how to be a better parent and foster the greatness that is inside all our kiddos. Did you know there is a group in our community focused on bringing together parents of special needs kiddos and the professionals who work with them daily? There is and it’s called the Parent Professional Learning Network [PPLN].

what is PPLN?

PPLN is a group of parents and professionals [teachers, therapists, interventionists, and support staff] who meet to connect with other parents and professionals to learn pertinent information regarding special needs children/adults. If you have, care for, or work with a child who has special needs, PPLN will be a great resource for you.

why did PPLN start?

The idea evolved following a three-day workshop presented by Dr. Barry Prizant, who has developed a very extensive program for children on the Autism Spectrum Disorder [ASD]. His SCERTS model has three primary areas; one includes finding ways to bring families and professionals together to support the children on the spectrum. We PPLN felt those needs are not unique to children with ASD; therefore, we never limited the group to families and professionals who deal with a specific disability, but opened it up for all to learn from the diversity of the needs.

what can participants expect?

The meetings are informal, with a presenter, a discussion that follows, and then we visit and discuss ideas and thoughts as well as future goals over coffee and treats at the end. This group is very interactive, and we make decisions together about what we want to learn about

to make everyone better

connecting

and topics that we want to discuss. In past meetings we have addressed the IEP Individual Education Plan process, bills being discussed in Bismarck or Washington that directly affect the lives of the special needs population, epilepsy training, and the Affordable Care Act. We all have good ideas and together we can make a difference, but only if we participated in the process.

what are the goals for PPLN?

We want participants to learn more about issues and topics that concern them so that they can be better at what they do, whether it is a parent helping a child with special needs cope with sensory needs, or a professional wanting to learn new information outside his area of expertise. Long term, our goal for PPLN is to develop a group of people who are interested in problem-solving issues that parents and professionals deal with as they surface. The hope is that the group will learn to seek information, do the research, and work together

to find solutions to improve the lives of people with special needs.

when and where does the group meet?

Meetings occur the first Monday of the month, September through May. This last year we met at Discovery Middle School and this summer we will be asking the group for feedback on meeting location and times for the coming year. Those interested in meeting information can visit our Facebook page for up-to-date details.

The importance of giving parents and other professionals access to tools and information which isn’t readily available or easily accessible in normal situations is why PPLN was started. PPLN will grow and flourish with the addition of more amazing families and professionals, so remember to check back for the details on the next meeting in September.

Parent Professional Learning Network

Email: ParentProfLearningNetwork@gmail.com or Facebook: search Parent Professional Learning Network Visit: Family Voices of ND [fvnd.org] under Parent Navigator Teams, Fargo

ppln is a group of parents and professionals who meet to connect with other parents and professionals to learn pertinent information regarding special needs children/adults

resouces

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-forprofit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org.

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.446.8056 or karaljones@ gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com.

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org.

Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.halfachild.com.

BREAK PHRE [Bringing Respect Enlightenment Awareness & Knowledge to Psychological Health Related Endurances]. We are about encouraging & empowering children living with mental illness. BREAK PHRE is a group designed for children living with mental illness to come together in a fun and casual environment to share their stories and support one another. For more information and meeting times, contact Jodi Urlacher, 701.866.6819 or breakphre@gmail.com or visit www.facebook. com/break.phre.

Adoption Play Support Group For more details call 701.200.3285 or email shellemoran@yahoo.com.

Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota offering an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow. For more information email parentproflearningnetwork@gmail.com.

The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:30pm at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead.org or 701.282.4794.

Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from Noon to 3pm at Essentia Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call701.364.8066.

SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500.

Marine Moms Support Group If you are the Mother of a Marine, [or any other branch of the military], then you are one of the family! Join other Marine Moms from Sub-Station Fargo [Sub-Station Fargo, ND covers west to Valley City, ND, east to New York Mills, MN, north to the Canadian Border & south to the South Dakota state line] once a month for: Support, Hugs, Advice, Praise, Tears, Love, Stories, Laughter, Inspiration, Encouragement, Experiences, Insight, Information, Motivation, Pictures & more at 1:30pm the 3rd Saturday of each month. For meeting location and more information contact Ruth Danuser at 701.799.8946 or ruthddanuser@gmail.com. OORAH!

Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7pm-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center located behind Subway on the corner of 13th Ave S and 25th St S in Fargo. Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available. This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between Region V Experienced Parent and March of dimes NICU Family Support.  Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530.

FM Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7pm-9pm at Pediatric Therapy Partners [2846 Brandt Dr S, Fargo]. For more information call group contact Rachel at 218.287.1184.

DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand.

Fargo-Moorhead Home Schoolers Christian home schooling Moms who want to network ideas and provide support to homeschooling families. For more information contact Karen, jkisgrig@msn.com or 701.967.8990.

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges.  We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! For more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org.

Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities. Volunteers are always welcome. Contact Bette Shipley 701.793.5153 or www.ridingonangelswings.org.

Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com.

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com.

Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110.

Suicide Survivor’s Support Group 4th Monday of each month at 6pm. Support to loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. For more information call 701.293.6462.

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 701.237.0359 or www.birthright.org.

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www. pathinc.org or 701.293.9968.

FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention and suicide intervention 701.235.7335.

MOMS Club of Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information www.momsclubfargo.org or email momsclubofwf@ yahoo.com.

South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three. Call 701.446.3927 for more information.

Experienced Parent Support Group Support and resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East Regional KIDS Program. For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@nd.gov.

FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood and women ministries. Meet the 2nd & 4th Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] from 6pm-7:30pm. Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the Church to have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@hotmail.com for more information.

For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms.com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

it really does take a village

story by | carrie carney

In the weeks before a recent work trip, I found myself in panic mode. How could I be away from my 2—year-old for five days? Where would he stay? What if something happened while I was gone? Who was going to love him and comfort him while I was 1,500 miles away?

My heart pounded and I had the weight of an elephant on my chest when these questions would cross my mind. And cross my mind they did. Often. There were many sleepless nights. My drive to work would involve heart-racing scenarios of what could happen.

Then, a couple of weeks before my trip, the answers started falling into place. My stress decreased. I had a realization…it really does take a village to raise a child.

Thank goodness our own little village is made up of such wonderful people. Wonderful people who truly love my son, Jack.

The plan: he'd stay at my brother's house. Jeremy was going to be out of town, but my sister-in-law [who is really more of a sister] eagerly volunteered to watch

Jack. She's known him since day one and loved him just as long. This gave me comfort. Jennifer is careful, yet fun; a rule follower and incredibly loving. I felt at ease knowing that he'd be safe and cared for in the evenings, yet have his routine of daycare during the day.

And then a wrench was thrown into my plan. At our ritual Sunday dinner with my brother's family, Jack had an allergic reaction to their cats. This couldn't be happening now! He'd been around their pets millions of times before and now his poor little immune system rejected their environment.

The panic returned…but so did the village. Our family doctor, who has seen us through good times and bad and truly has our best interest in mind [and heart], advised a plan so he could still stay with Jennifer. Not only that, but our doctor said if there were any problems, to make sure Jennifer called her. Comfort washed over me again.

It took a team strategy to get me out of town and Jack’s routine running smoothly. My parents gladly made the trek to Fargo to help get Jack to daycare that Monday

morning so I could catch an early flight. They were also understanding about me wanting to keep Jack in daycare that week, instead of sending him to stay with them [much to their disappointment]. Oh daycare. What would I do without this amazing woman who serves as caregiver and teacher to my sweet boy? Sandra and her mother, Sharon, [they're a team too!], have been family to Jack and me. I still don't know if it was just by luck that I found them or divine intervention.

And then there are friends who are only a phone call away. I knew that if something came up while I was away, Kelly or Ross would be there for Jack in a heartbeat. They've always loved him like their own. Again, I don't know how I got so lucky…but I did.

It wasn't easy to be away. The first night was difficult. I thought it was a good idea to talk to Jack on the phone. I thought that it would be good for both of us. I was wrong. As a mother, I've learned many things by trial and error and this was one hard lesson. He cried when he heard me speak. I cried when I heard his sweet little voice crack. I could picture his teary eyes and flushed cheeks and I desperately wanted to hold him. For the rest of the week, I relied on pictures Jennifer sent to get me through.

A two-year-old doesn't understand that mommy is leaving for just a few days. He couldn't grasp that I was coming back. My heart ached knowing that he didn't understand why I wasn't there. I worried that he felt abandoned, yet I took comfort in the fact that he was loved while I was away. The sweetest part of all of this was returning and holding this precious little person.

Family, friends, caregivers, medical providers - that's my village. Becoming a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. Being a single mom makes it a little more interesting at times. All these wonderful people enable me to be the best mom I can be. All these people also help give Jack the best possible environment in which to grow up. I am eternally grateful and couldn't think of a better place, or for better people, to raise my child.

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

got the beat?

’smusicacademy

story by | jackie zwingel

Music is many things and everyone responds to it. It is art and expression. It can set a mood, be enjoyed alone or in a group, and elicit emotion. It transcends age, race, and culture. Music is the language of the soul! And whether your kiddo is the next Carrie Underwood or destined for merely shower singing sessions, exposure to music has only benefits to offer. And these benefits go far beyond proper finger keying or do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti renditions.

makin’ the grade

There are decades of research singing the praises of music training and its positive influence on academic success. Higher standardized test scores, improved performance in math, science, and English have been found in multiple studies. Why is this? One reason can be an enhanced response to sound. Research has shown that individuals with a robust response to sound tend to have better listening and learning abilities.

The Children’s Music Academy [CMA] in Fargo provides music training for age three to eight and has a strong focus on ear training. Eighty percent of the inner ear is developed between the ages of four and five. Many students come into CMA without having any exposure to music, but they easily absorb everything taught each week because it is the prime time in their young life to fine-tune their listening abilities. Experts have long seen that musical practice improves skills including language, speech, memory, attention, and even vocal emotion. An enhanced ability to decipher sound with its relevant meaning offers benefits beyond just musical instrument mastery.

that-a-musician

At CMA there are multiple examples of music impacting more than just musical learning. The reluctant first time attendee starts the program shy and hesitant to try a lot of things. But soon that same student is running into the classroom each week, excited for class. The confidence gained at CMA is amazing, but not surprising because it is built right into the program. Children in CMA are constantly performing for each other. These performances allow students to conquer their fear and take risks. They perform their first solo six weeks into the program and it’s no big deal for them. They are excited and confident to perform. Throughout life we have to know how to get out of our comfort zone to succeed. Music performance provides an opportunity to master this life skill.

on and on and on

Truly the benefits of music are immense. In addition to learning enhancement and confidence building already discussed, music training also offers:

concentration Learning music and mastering an instrument requires extended periods of concentration. This ability to concentrate will transcend to other areas such as school.

hand-eye coordination Just like sport participation, learning a musical instrument offers coordination development of fine motor skills.

creativity Music offers self-expression, stimulates creativity and imagination. Creativity also fosters problem solving skills.

stress relieve Children and adults alike can use music as an opportunity to relax and relieve stress.

Yes, music is the language of the soul. Learning and appreciating music early in life can offer only a positive impact that can last a lifetime.

Families can expect to have a great time when they come to the Children’s Music Academy! We specialize in teaching music to children in a fun, positive, non-pressured, and lively classroom setting. The children will have the freedom to love and appreciate music, while developing fundamental musical skills that will last a lifetime. It is a parent participation program as well so the parents get to learn along with their child as well as spend precious time when them each week. The curriculum at CMA focuses on age-appropriate activities, which are designed to develop lifelong musical appreciation and aptitude. Children at CMA will be taught: piano/keyboard playing, singing, harmony, rhythm, note reading, ear training, composition, ensemble playing, recorder, and guitar. Children receive trophies and diplomas when they graduate but most importantly their music education will last with them a lifetime!

enjoy smell

the slow summer movement

& taste the season

story by | katie pinke

While busyness seems to be the norm year round, summer is a natural time to accomplish everything that didn’t get done the other nine months of the year. Add in camps, weddings, family reunions, and local festivals and there’s little downtime as a family. As moms, we’re often the ringleaders of the chockfull schedules, which means it’s up to us to reclaim the summer respite—or what I refer to as the Slow Summer movement.

Small Wonders

The busyness of summer was in full effect when my now-teenage son, Hunter, and I lived in Grand Forks and Fargo during his toddler and elementary school years. Our summer routine progressed from T-ball to skating for hockey to YMCA camp to lacrosse to Bible camp and then an early pickup at Bible camp to rush to basketball camp and often ending the day with track. Hunter was involved in every single summer activity possible. Sound familiar?

I racked up thousands of miles on my Honda Accord, used vacation time from work to transport him to his numerous activities, and set aside zero time to unwind and soak in the summer together. Before we knew it, we were rushing to buy school supplies and new clothes and get fitted for his football helmet for fall league.

The busyness of summer can be exhausting and overwhelming—there’s no better time for the Slow Summer movement than now!

The Slow Summer movement isn’t deterred by society pressuring your family to do more so you don’t fall behind. It isn’t afraid to forego the elite sports camp or miss out on the foreign language camp. Instead, it’s about slowing down to enjoy the things that mean the most. It’s about creating memories, being intentional about your family’s schedule, and simply being in the moment.

remember when

The Slow Summer movement started in our family when my husband, Nathan, and I started dating in summer 2005. While enjoying drinks at Hotel Donaldson in Fargo, he expressed how much he loves to fish. Fishing to me involved worms, work, wind, and funny smells. I was not the least bit interested in fishing, but I liked him so I listened. He reminisced about summer camping and fishing trips with his parents and sister. It quickly became apparent that he cherished fishing because it was an activity his family could do together.

The Slow Summer movement continued when we moved from Fargo to the small town of Wishek six years ago. All of the sudden, Hunter didn’t need to be driven across town from one camp or activity to the next because the majority of the activities he participated in while living in the big city didn’t exist. Life moved at a slower pace in our small town—and our family’s schedule reaped the rewards.

While small-town life forces the Slow Summer movement for our family, our three children are still active within reason. When striking the balance between activities and family time, we follow these two rules:

1. Each child can participate in one or two activities. For our high schooler, it’s especially challenging to stick to this rule. This summer he will attend a basketball camp and play baseball. Our two young daughters will both take swimming lessons and

one will play T-ball. As parents it’s up to us to keep our kids’ schedules in check. The summer months are fleeting—and too much running around only exasperates the situation. Kids end up cranky and burnt out and mama is right there with them.

2. Write down the activities that your family wants to enjoy together. If you don’t write them down, you’ll lose that much-needed time as a family. Go beyond writing them down and reserve a time for each of your family’s top activities. Maybe that’s as simple as making an activity jar, writing your ideas on pieces of paper or Popsicle sticks and drawing out one at the designated time. For some it means pairing a specific activity to a specific day and syncing everyone’s calendar.

summer to-do

Throughout the year, at suppertime, I ask my family: “What is the best thing that happened today? What is the worst thing that happened? What is one thing you can improve on tomorrow?” In late April my question changes to: “What are your favorite summertime activities, smells, and tastes?” I grab a notebook and pen

the busyness of summer can be exhausting and overwhelming— there’s no better time for the slow summer movement than now

and write down everything my kids and husband rattle off. This April we made a three-page list of activities, smells, and tastes we don’t want to miss this summer. What does your family not want to miss? Keep in mind, the activities don’t have to cost anything or require much travel.

Try categorizing your Slow Summer list of activities into two parts: ones that you can enjoy as a family around the house and ones that take place out on the town. The following activities are a great way to bring the family together at home:

• Play board or card games

• Break out the crayons and color

• Plant a few rows or pots of vegetables and flowers

• Read a childhood favorite book of yours to your children

• Camp out in the back yard

• Fill water balloons and have a family water balloon fun fight?

• Run through the sprinkler [because your kids don’t care what you look like in your swimsuit]

Start small DREAM BIG!

• Make cookies and share them with your neighbors [and maybe one of the pictures you colored, too]

• Mix up a few pitchers of lemonade and help your kids with a neighborhood lemonade stand with the proceeds going to a local charity or church

• Pick your favorite fresh flowers and press the flowers between a few heavy books for a few days to later create pressed-flower art projects

As a general rule of thumb, the activities that are the most successful are the ones that take place outside of the home—away from the floors that need mopped and the yard that needs mowed. Give the following activities a try:

• Enjoy a leisurely bike ride on a trail

• Visit the farmers’ market and ask the farmers about food they grow

• Take in an art or music festival in a local park

• Road trip to a small town festival like the World’s Largest Turkey Barbeque in Aneta, ND, which is held the third Saturday of June annually [yes this is a plug for my hometown, but 300 turkeys roasting over an open pit is worth the drive]

• Explore a nearby state park

• Plan and go on a simple scavenger hunt

• Walk through the county fair exhibits and livestock barns

• Pick berries [such as a visit to Red Barn & Berry Farm near Kindred, ND]

• Stomp grapes at the 8th Annual Grape Stomp at Red Trail Vineyard near Buffalo, ND

• Donate extra garden vegetables to the Hunger-Free Garden Program through local North Dakota-based food banks

• Volunteer at the local food bank

Whether inside or out, at home or on the town, it’s important that technology doesn’t intrude on your precious time as a family. My general rule is when I am home with my kids, and always on weekends, my ringer and all alerts are silenced. I leave my phone behind on most outings with my kids. For you, less technology might mean leaving your cell phone on the counter after 5 p.m. or turning it completely off. Allow yourself to unwind with less technology.

To record your family’s summertime memories, take pictures of the fun you had together. Hand over the camera to your kids so they can take pictures from their point of view. At the end of the summer compile the photos into an album. I guarantee you those photos will spark numerous “remember when” conversations in the months and years to come.

To kick off and follow through with a Slow Summer movement in your family you have to remove yourself from the busyness society preaches. It might not be what your family and friends are doing. You will have to say “no” to certain activities and decline invitations to events. Soaking in the Slow Summer moment through simple activities, smells, and tastes will allow you to build memories that linger into the other three seasons of the year and long beyond the season of busyness as a parent.

it’s important that technology doesn’t intrude on your precious time as a family

june events

8 & 9

Grand Cities Art Fest

701.772.3710

www.novac.org

The Annual Grand Cities Art Fest is once again being held in the downtown areas of Grand Forks & East Grand Forks. Over 150 local, regional and national artists will be displaying their works on Saturday 10am-6pm & Sunday 10am-5pm. Food vendors will also be selling mouthwatering items such as hot fresh-cut fries, pulled pork sandwiches, corn dogs, kettle corn, Italian Ice & cold lemonade. Each day there will be shows on the performance stage in East Grand Forks and Town Square in Grand Forks.

10

Trout Fest

www.fargoparks.com

Explore Woodhaven Pond [4406 44th Ave S] and learn about trout and fly fishing! Trout Fest is for anyone who enjoys fishing. Youth, 15 and under will learn about fly fishing, casting, entomology, conservation, equipment demos and much more. An awards presentation will follow the derby. Registration: 5:30pm. Derby: 6:15-7:45pm. FREE.

10

Fargo Rock Concert

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome at Dike West [310 4th St S] from 7-9pm. Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians. These shows are free and all ages are welcome to attend.

11, 18

Community Block Party

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Meet your neighbors at this fun family event

5:30-8:00pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play on inflatable games, take home a craft project and get your face painted. Enjoy free food while supplies last. June

4th Osgood School Park [5400 44th Ave S], June 11th Trollwood Park [3664 Elm Street N], June 18th Village West Park with Dog Park [4415 9th Ave Circle S]

11 & 25

RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm-

8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

11

Understanding Your Grief: Touchstones for Hope and Healing

www.hrrv.org/journeyinghome

Join Hospice of the Red River Valley for their Journey Home Spring Conference. Featuring noted author, educator and grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt, this is free and open to the public event will be held at Ramada Plaza & Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo], 7:00pm- 9:00pm. No registration required. Daytime conference for health care professionals will be held Wednesday, June 12. Visit our website for more information and to register.

13

Corks & Canvas Art & Wine Walk

701.364.9867

www.downtownfargo.com

Sample select wines as you stroll through downtown Fargo businesses while enjoying great art and witness artists working live.

13 & 27

Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

This "Baby's First Ride" class focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Parents, grandparents, and other caregivers are encouraged to attend. We recommend attending this class during the 6-7 months of pregnancy, but welcome during any month of pregnancy. Participants are encouraged to bring their car seat if they have already bought one, however it is not necessary. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

13

Child Passenger Safety Made Simple

701.780.5179

www.safekids.org

This “Child Passenger Safety Made Simple” class is for expectant or new parents to teach them how to properly install and use car seats. Class meets at Rydell GM Auto Center [2700 S Washtington St – front entrance – Grand Forks] 6-7:30pm. Call to make your reservations.

events event calendar | june

14

Midwest Kid Fest & Teddy Bear Parade

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] will be filled with music, laughter & bright colors 11am-7pm as children play & learn. Bring a teddy bear to the Dike West Parking Lot and begin the day with a march in the parade starting at 10:30am. All activities are free!

15

Art & Wine Walk

701.772.3710

www.novac.org

Sample select wines as you stroll through downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks businesses while enjoying great art and witness artists working live.

19

Wild West Jamboree

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Enjoy a Rootin’ Tootin’ good time of activities including music with Silverado, free carriage rides, gunny sack races, barrel car rides, a petting zoo, roping demos, face painting & other western games at Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Ave W, West Fargo] 5:30pm-7:30pm. Pony rides will be offered for $2. Hotdogs, chips and beverage will be available for $1. Bring your lawn chair or blanket.

Fiber Arts FestivAl

24 Park Movie Night

www.fargoparks.com

Come to Island Park [302 7th St. S] at dusk for some fun in the park at the annual Summer Movie Nights! The fun starts when the sun goes down with a movie with free Pepsi and popcorn while supplies last

28

Tortoise Versus The Hare

www.wfparks.org

Missoula Children’s Theatre is the nation’s largest touring children’s theatre and will be at Cheney Middle School [825 17th Avenue East] in West Fargo presenting Tortoise Versus The Hare with a twist on the classic story that you know and love. 2-3pm and 4:30-6pm show times.

28 & 29

Nordic Footprints

218.299.5452

www.hcscconline.org

Authentic Scandinavian event featuring dancing, entertainment, booths and food at the Historical & Cultural Society of Clay county.

26–30

Grand Forks County Fair

218.773.7114

www.grandforksfair.com

A large midway full of fun rides, there will also be 4H exhibits, dog and horse shows, baking contests, pie and ice cream socials, concerts, demolition derby & much more!

no matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and i’m not talking about the kids . their behavior is always normal .

—bill cosby

july events

4

8, 9, 10, & 11

Sertoma Fun Fourth & Fireworks

Enjoy an Independence Day celebration in downtown Grand Forks filled with tons of fun events including a kiddie parade, games, prize giveaways, food concessions, live entertainment and an amazing fireworks display over the Red River.

4

4th of July Celebration at Bonanzaville

701.282.2822

www.bonanzaville.com

An old-fashioned family celebration that include: 5k/10k Run, Parade, Wagon Rides, Musical Entertainment, Train Rides, Face painting, Scavenger Hunt followed by a fireworks display from the fairground at dark.

6, 13, 16, 20, & 27

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, through September, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

Funky Junk Art

www.wfparks.org

Use your creativity and make funky works of art with a variety of kid safe items. Youth will complete at least 4 art projects and will be encouraged to work with wood, paints and several recyclable items. Class is held at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E. West Fargo] from 900am-1030pm for kids ages 8-15 years-old. Fee is $25 and registration is required.

8, 11, 15, 18, 22, 25 & 29

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 4pm-7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

8, 9

Waterama

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Spend an afternoon having fun with water, noon-3pm! Play water games and do all sorts of activities that involve water and

getting wet! Play water games, join in contests, and win prizes. There will be a bubble area for children ages 5 and under. July 8th @ Madison Pool [1040 29th St N, Fargo] & July 9th @ Island Park Pool [616 1st Ave S, Fargo].

9, 16, 23 & 30

Community Block Party

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Meet your neighbors at this fun family event 5:30pm-8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play on inflatable games, take home a craft project and get your face painted. Enjoy free food while supplies last. July 10th @ Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo], July 17th @ Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo], July 24th @ Unicorn Park [1603 3rd Ave N, Fargo] & July 31st @ Rabanus Park [4315 18th Ave S, Fargo].

9–14

Red River Valley Fair

800.456.6408

www.redrivervalleyfair.com

It's that time again! Go get some family fun at the fair. For daily events check online.

9 & 23

RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

11

Movie Matinee

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Don’t forget your blanket or a chair when you head out to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E. West Fargo] for the big screen movie matinee—Dolphin Tale. Show time 1pm-3pm. Bleachers will be available and Sno-Cones, Popcorn or Pop will be offered for $1 each.

11

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a Free Play Day at Rheualt Farm [2902

music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adults supervision is required.

11, 18 & 25

Park It!

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1pm-4pm. This is a FREE event. July 12th @ Kennedy Park [4501 42nd St S, Fargo], July 19th @ Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo] & July 26th @ Bennett Park [1900 58th Ave S, Fargo].

20

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day

Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

15-18

Stars and Strikes Bowling

Lessons

282-3910

Experience the fun of bowling while learning new techniques. For kids aged 6-14 years old. To register, call Stars and Stripes. Fee is $25.

18, 19,

20, 24, 27 & 31

Shrek The Musical

www.trollwood.org

Come out to Trollwood and enjoy some of our very talented youth take the stage. In a faraway kingdom turned upside down, things get ugly when an unseemly ogre—not a handsome prince—shows up to rescue a feisty princess. Throw in a donkey who won’t shut up, a bad guy with a ‘short’ temper, a cookie with an attitude, along with other fairy tale misfits, and you’ve got the kind of mess that calls for a real hero. Luckily, there’s one on hand…and his name is Shrek!

18–20

Fargo Street Fair

www.downtownfargo.com

Check out area artist and crafters in ND's largest FREE event. Booths open at 10am.

21 Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

Turn off your engines. Turn on your hearts!

Join our annual event to spark human movement! Three miles of downtown Fargo and Moorhead streets shut down to motorized traffic so you can walk, run, bike, skate, dance—and eat or meet with healthy vendors.

21

German Folk Festival

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Dance and socialize with an authentic German Band, 11am-5pm at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Additional German American stage performances held throughout the day. Explore German displays, presentations and crafts. Free admission. German American foods available for purchase.

22–25

Beginners Clay Class

www.wfparks.org

Local artist and art teacher, Carrie Savageau, will share her passion for clay art. Kids ages 7-15 years old will create pottery pieces by using hand building techniques. Finished

projects will be ready for participants six weeks after each class. Class location is Veterans Memorial Area Lobby [1201 7th Ave E. West Fargo] from 130pm-330pm. Fee is $40. Registration is required.

22

Movie Night

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Come to Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] at dusk for some fun in the park at the annual Summer Movie Nights! The fun starts when the sun goes down with a movie complete with free Pepsi and popcorn while supplies last.

24 & 31

Family Fun Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Here’s your chance to bring the whole family out to the park & be entertained with lively music from local bands. There will be arts and crafts, face painting, a bouncy castle and great music. These FREE concerts will be from 7pm-8:30pm July 11th @ Village West Park [4415 9th Ave Circle S, Fargo] & July 18th @ Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo].

august events

1, 2 & 3

Shrek The Musical

www.trollwood.org

Come out to Trollwood and enjoy some of our very talented youth take the stage. In a faraway kingdom turned upside down, things get ugly when an unseemly ogre—not a handsome prince—shows up to rescue a feisty princess. Throw in a donkey who won’t shut up, a bad guy with a ‘short’ temper, a cookie with an attitude, along with other fairy tale misfits, and you’ve got the kind of mess that calls for a real hero. Luckily, there’s one on hand…and his name is Shrek!

7 & 14

Family Fun Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Here’s your chance to bring the whole family out to the park & be entertained with lively music from local bands. There will be arts and crafts, face painting, a bouncy castle and great music. These FREE concerts will be from 7pm-8:30pm August 7st @ Brunsdale Park [1702 27th Ave S, Fargo] & August 14th @ Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo].

1, 5, 8, 12, 15, 19, 22, 26, & 29

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase

4pm-7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

1, 8 & 15 Park It!

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1pm-4pm. This is a FREE event. August 1st @ Elephant Park [100 19th Ave N, Fargo], August 8th @ Village West Park [4415 9th Ave Cir S, Fargo] & August 15th @ Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo].

3, 10, 17, 24, & 31

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, through September, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in

Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

5-8

Beginners Clay Class

www.wfparks.org

Local artist and art teacher, Carrie Savageau, will share her passion for clay art. Kids ages 7-15 years old will create pottery pieces by using hand building techniques. Finished projects will be ready for participants six weeks after each class. Class location is Veterans Memorial Area Lobby [1201 7th Ave E. West Fargo] from 130pm-330pm. Fee is $40. Registration is required.

5-8

Stars and Strikes Bowling

Lessons

282-3910

Experience the fun of bowling while learning new techniques. For kids aged 6-14 years old. To register, call Stars and Stripes. Fee is $25.

8 Music Montage

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Join in an interactive evening of music outside on the park plaza at Great Northern Park [425 N Broadway, Fargo] 7pm-830pm.

An open mic format invites talented local musicians to perform to a crowd of all ages. Get your shot up on the stage or just enjoy the up and coming talent in our community. 12

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499. 7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo] 7pm-9pm. These shows are FREE and all ages are welcome to attend.

12

Movie Night

701.499. 6060

www.fargoparks.com

Summer Movie Nights! The fun starts when the sun goes down with a movie complete with free Pepsi and popcorn while supplies last.

13 Dog Show

www.wfparks.org

Enter your pouch in the fun and recreational dog show at North Elmwood Park from 530pm-730pm. Awards will be presented to the best groomed, best dressed, best trick, most unusual breed, cutest puppy and best of show. Visit with area pet vendors and sign up for door prizes.

13 RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

14

Lil’ Pioneers Camp

www.wfparks.org

Lil Campers ages 6-12 years will get to see behind the scenes activity that bring Bonanzaville Pioneer Days event to life. Participants will be invited to Pioneer Days to show the public what they have learned. Each kiddo will receive a souvenir and an old time photo. Camp is held at Bonanzaville [1351 West Main Ave, West Fargo] from 1pm-4pm. Fee is $25.

15

Big Screen Matinee

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Don’t forget your blanket or a chair when you head out to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E. West Fargo] for the big screen movie matinee—The Lorax. Show time 1pm-3pm. Bleachers will be available and Sno-Cones, Popcorn or Pop will be offered for $1 each.

15

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a Free Play Day at Rheualt Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am-11am & 1pm-3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground and move to music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adult supervision is required.

16-18

Pioneer Days

701.282.2822

www.bonanzaville.com

Pioneer Village at Bonanzaville [1351 W Main, West Fargo] comes to life with authentic parades, demonstrations, costumes and crafts.

17

BMX Jam

701.499. 7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bikers, show off your tricks at the BMX Jam at Dike West Skate Park [310 4th St S, Fargo]. All skill levels can participate in the exhibition. Helmets are required. Prizes will be given away.

23 & 24

Potato Days

800.525.4901

www.potatodays.com

Lots of fun for the whole family in Barnesville. Parade, games, contests and don't forget… Mashed Potato Wrestling!

25 Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

Turn off your engines. Turn on your hearts! Join our annual event to spark human movement! Three miles of downtown Fargo and Moorhead streets shut down to motorized traffic so you can walk, run, bike, skate, dance —and eat or meet with healthy vendors.

23, 24 & 25

Island Park Show

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Bring your friends and indulge yourself! Spend a day at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food and listen to great music from 10am-5pm.

It was November 2007 Holly became a mom for the first time She and husband Toby welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Adley Anne What was supposed to be the most amazing first experience would take a turn when the love of their life passed away after only 12 days of being placed in their arms Hard to put into words what Holly was going through; her world was left upside down At the time Holly had worked for a wonderful company for 10 years and loved her job, but the loss of Adley proved to leave a void in her life She needed something new, something that she could pour her heart into Always having a flair for fun fashion, a love to shop, and her Business Administration degree, Holly thought she would combine her experience and passion and open a baby and maternity boutique With the full support of her husband and entire family she went for it and in the fall of 2008, Adley Anne's Baby & Maternity Boutique opened its doors in the heart of downtown Grand Forks, ND Today, Holly [35] is a very busy business owner and mom to son Espen [7] and daughter Ruby [3]

photos: rialee photography | andrea burner

hollyschneider adleyanne'sbaby&maternityboutique

what brands/designers do you carry?

Little bit of everything! In furniture we carry Baby’s Dream and Franklin & Ben by MDB. The line of Chicco in strollers and infant car seats. OXO highchairs. More fun brands are aden + anais, see kai run, Melissa & Doug, RuffleButts and RuggedButts, JJ Cole, Skip Hop, Robeez, Jelly the Pug, Wes & Willy, and many, many more! We also carry a wide variety of locally made items, which our customers LOVE!

what style of maternity clothes do you carry?

We have two areas of maternity clothing, new and gently used. In our new area we carry more casual items such as jeans, leggings, and casual/everyday-wear tops. We also have Bella bands, Belly Bandits and nursing covers. In our gently used area we have a wide variety of everything, such as jeans, pants, casual and dressy tops, and dresses in a wide variety of brands and sizes.

what is the most unique product you carry?

My hope is that every product in our store is unique. We are a boutique so we try to carry brands that cannot be found in big-box stores or in large quantities.

what is your most popular item/product?

Year round our most popular items are our blankets and dribble burps by aden + anais. The blankets and burps are a product that actually WORKS and customers fall in love with. You wouldn’t think burp cloths could be so great but they are honestly the BEST!

does your storefront offer online shopping, too?

Yes, we have an online shopping site at www.adleyannes.com. We also post pictures daily on our facebook page, which is a great way to stay up to date on our current arrivals.

explain you ‘barely used’ section?

Our barely used section is such a great area of our store! We purchase gently used clothing from our customers from infant up to size 6 and maternity. We also accept some larger items such as strollers, highchairs, carriers, and larger toys. When we accept your items we give you a cash or in-store credit option.

what is necessary to keep your day running smoothly?

Having an open mind and be willing to go with the flow. I have learned that in retail you never know how your day is going to go. Our customers always come first so we want to make sure we are giving

the best service possible and everything else falls behind that.

what has being your own boss meant for your family?

For the most part it has been really great. I can set my schedule based upon my kids and their days and activities. I have been very fortunate since we opened to have AWESOME employees who are flexible and always willing to help out when needed. On the other side of things, you can never really “turn it off.” I am one-hundred percent responsible for a store to be open each day, so if something comes up I need to drop everything and be there. I really love coming to “work” everyday so I would not change a thing.

what keeps you motivated?

Myself, my family, and our customers. I would say I am my hardest critic. I am pretty determined, so when I set out to do something I really want to do it one –hundred percent. I want our customers to have a great experience at Adley Anne’s and I want them to continue to come back.

what do you think makes you a successful mompreneur?

I am pretty good at multitasking. I always have a hundred different things going on in my head in regard to the store, my kids, and just life in general. If I can knock a few items off the “list” each day, I would call that a success.

what has been the biggest challenge in owning your own business?

Going outside of my own comfort zone and taking risks and being willing to win some and lose some. As hard as what might have been, I am really thankful for some lessons I have learned as it has made Adley Anne’s what it is today.

do you have a least favorite part of the businesses?

The administrative/paperwork side of it. Once I get going on it, it’s fine, but I would rather buy and sell really cute things all day long!

what one quality do you think is necessary to be a mompreneur?

Must be driven.

what quote do or can you most relate to?

It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. –Eleanor Roosevelt

oak grove

Michelle Warren

who is your biggest support system?

Hands down, my family. I am from a large family. I have two older sisters, Heather and Heidi, a younger sister, Haylee, and a younger brother, Hayden. And of course my husband Toby and our parents. I’m blessed with tons of love and support. away from the store, what might we find you doing?

We spend lots of time at the lake with family. I also enjoy running and burning off energy with my husband and kids. Oh…and I do LOVE to SHOP!

224 N. 4th Street

Downtown Grand Forks

www.adleyannes.com

follow us on facebook

Monday through Friday 10-6

Saturday 10-5

Adley Anne's Baby & Maternity Boutique

timeless images photography

timeless images photography

rialee photography

Amanda Grant, 11, likes a lot of things. Soccer. Basketball. Volleyball. She’s a star on her track and cross-country teams. She’s in choir. She plays cello and will soon begin bassoon lessons.

But one thing she doesn’t like: getting shots at the doctor.

“I just don’t like things going in my leg,” says Amanda, a tall, active tween who lives in North Fargo with her mom, Julie, dad, Curt, and 8-year-old brother, Benson.

escape artist

Three years ago at her 9-year checkup with Dr. Patrick Welle at Sanford Children’s, Amanda attempted to escape the room when her nurse said it was time for her vaccinations and immunizations.

“We love Dr. Welle, but she was so scared of the shots,” says Amanda’s mom, Julie.

That’s when Sanford Child Life Specialist, Kay Mjolsness, stepped in the next time Amanda was due for shots. Child life specialists like Kay are available to help children cope with procedures and treatments at Sanford Children’s using distraction techniques, props and other objects to make kids more comfortable.

making a big buzz

Kay had a plan for Amanda, which included Buzzy ®, a personal pain control device that looks like a bee, but definitely doesn’t sting like one. In fact, the cooling mechanism in Buzzy ® creates a numbing effect at the site of the shot.

“Basically it’s a little plastic bee,” says Kay, who frequently uses Buzzy ® for patients anxious about a procedure. “You turn it on and the vibration confuses the nerves.” Buzzy ®’s wings are ice. “The combo of the two helps so the child doesn’t notice the poke so much,” says Kay.

“You can use them for lab and IV starts, immunizations, and even wart removals. Buzzy ® can help a lot of things, and a lot of different ages.” Many adults ask for the device as well.

drs. of distraction

Kay, who has worked for 30 years at Sanford, says the goal of her work is to help distract kids and teach them how to cope with the different procedures that they may experience.

“Parents are nervous, too, about their child getting the pokes. They need to concentrate on their child and keeping them calm, and they’ll get through it much better. The distraction can be distracting for the parents, too,” says Kay.

Families can ask for assistance from a Child Life Specialist for many reasons. They can help kids with their breathing to help calm them down and relax their muscles, for example. “When children are younger and they can’t explain breathing techniques, we bring in bubbles or a pinwheel, which are fun and also relaxing,” says Kay.

a big relief

Buzzy ® is just one of the distraction techniques child life offers to help ease your child’s fears. In Amanda’s case, it made all the difference.

As for parents of children who are scared of needles, Buzzy ® has decreased their own anxiety of getting their child prepared for the procedure.

“Buzzy ® has made it a lot easier for us to go in and for her to get shots. As a mom, it makes such a difference. It really works wonders,” says Julie.

taking a shot on buzzy®

photo: sanford

The once sports editor of Moorhead High School’s newspaper, The Spud, and Concorida College’s, The Concoridan, Josh has always had a love for sports Growing up with two brothers, David [44] and Dan [36], there was never a time he couldn’t remember running and biking around their south Moorhead neighborhood Living near the river meant there were always plenty of dirt-bike trails and empty lots to build makeshift BMX tracks and baseball fields Fast forward to 1996 when Josh began working for the Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks, a minor league baseball organization Named General Manager of the RedHawks in 2005, just a few years later Josh was named league Executive of the Year in 2008, 2010, 2012 Today Josh shares his love of the game and life with Kirsten, wife of 12 years, and their two kids, Cora [5] and Peter [1] When he isn’t busy traveling with the RedHawks team, Josh enjoys cooking, playing golf and time with is family

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

dad joshbuchholz age39,moorhead.mn

rad

something i learned from my father about being a dad…

love and care for your family, be very involved in your children’s lives, and live life to the fullest. My dad passed away from cancer just after my 11th birthday, so I don’t have a lifetime of lessons to draw on. I was very fortunate to have an incredibly strong mom who got me and my two brothers through adolescence and ready for adulthood while reconfiguring her own life. She continues to be my hero and is an amazing woman.

my profession gives me…

the chance to provide a positive, fun environment for families to spend time together. It also gives me the opportunity to be around a sport I still enjoy, long after my playing days. i would like to become better at… exercising. It needs to become a priority. the phrase i say most…

“I love you,” to my wife and kids.

it’s important to me my kids learn…

to love God, to work hard, to treat people with respect and dignity, and to be good friends. the day i would love to live again…

the first time I stepped off the plane in Europe. I was 20 years old and didn’t have the appreciation for where I was and what I was getting myself into. I’ve been able to travel internationally

many times since that trip, so hopefully I’ve learned some things.

a habit i wish i could break… chewing my fingernails.

a summer tradition my family lives for… going to RedHawks games. My daughter, Cora, grew up at the ballpark and loves coming to games. We are hoping Peter is going to be as receptive. When there aren’t games, we also love going to our family lake cabin with a pit stop at Zorbaz for pizza and nachos.

three words that best describe me as a husband… supportive, patient, and calm. i’ve always wanted to try… bobsledding. I’m a big fan of the Winter Olympics and that’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do. i could blow an entire day… golfing.

the music genre that best describes me… my favorite bands are The Tragically Hip and Pearl

Jam. Kirsten and I have seen The Hip live over 20 times, mostly together [including 3 shows in The Netherlands]. I appreciate musicianship, and love live music.

i admire my wife most for… allowing me to pursue my career. The hours in the summer are long and she becomes a “baseball widow” for much of the season. I don’t think people realize the hours a job like this entails, especially during the season. Add two young kids, and you need a special person who can handle the rigors of the baseball life.

i’m a big believer in...

the Golden Rule. If you treat people the right way, you will get that back almost every time. around the house i am the… cook, bedtime director, and daddy.

the parenting rule i always seem to break… letting the kids stay up too late.

the ‘honey-do’ i seem to do over and over… mow the lawn, blow the snow, and helping get the kids to bed.

Heritage homes

our daily bread

…a good daily choice?

story by | cindy kloeckner

What? How can something as “nutritionally iconic” as bread be an offender to our bodies?

Well, it isn’t actually the bread itself, it’s the wheat that makes up the majority of most modern- day bread that is the problem.

The first time I was introduced to the idea that wheat was a sub-clinical allergen to our bodies was in 1999 in a fantastic book called The Schwarzbein Principle by Diana Schwarzbein,

M.D.

Dr. Diana Schwarzbein is a leading authority on metabolic healing, an endocrinologist [hormone specialist], in Santa Barbara, California, and was the founder of the Endocrinology Institute of Santa Barbara. She has decades of experience working directly with patients and through this experience developed the philosophy that 75% of us are sub-clinically wheat intolerant. What does that mean? That although a blood test doesn’t indicate a problem, when wheat is removed from the diet the health issue at hand is often resolved.

Of course this upsets the apple cart of conventional thinking. Wheat is the basis of most modern-day meals; especially today’s fast-paced, drive-through, eat-on-the-run meals.

Think fresh bread, toast, sandwiches, pasta, pizza, cereals, and crackers, just to name a few.

For me this information was very hard to swallow [pardon the pun!]. Or should I say NOT swallow. I had a love affair with bread for years. I had been a very dedicated homemaker and stay-at-home mother of

two boys and I prided myself in all of our family’s food being homemade—; from the homemade pizza from scratch on Friday nights to all of our buns and bread. All made pridefully believing that my family wasn’t ingesting all the preservatives, artificial colorants, and other unpronounceable ingredients in the store-bought foods. But what I didn’t realize was that I was feeding them something that had the very real potential for seriously harming them. Of course, I didn’t know that then. Whole grains and/or 100% whole wheat products were extolled as virtuous, assumed to be hearty and nutritious, and the mainstay of the human diet for some 10,000-odd years. However, the wheat of yesteryear is not the wheat of today. Now, with more useful information, a greater depth of understanding, and health professionals writing about the consequences of eating the wheat of today, my eyes are open.

why is wheat a bad choice?

The wheat of today is not at all like the wheat our ancestors enjoyed. In the latter part of the 20th century scientists began cross-pollinating and genetically

modifying wheat for purposes that included higher yields, tolerance to herbicides, resistance to disease, etc. These unnatural changes have had consequences. The genetic manipulations altered basic genetic structural arrangements in the wheat, including strains in offspring that yielded proteins which were NOT present in either parent. And there is a shocking absence of safety testing for human consumption of these hybrid strains of wheat. It’s been estimated that thousands of new strains have made it into our food supply without the necessary safety testing. Many of my sources believe a multitude of ills today, including celiac disease, obesity, abnormal blood sugar, and others may be the result of modern-day wheat.

In Lights Out by T.S. Wiley and Bent Formby, Ph.D., researchers from the Sansum Medical Research Institute at Santa Barbara, California, the authors state, “Any bread is still fake food. Just don’t eat it. There are no bread trees or pasta bushes. Bread and pasta do not occur in nature.”

I have taught a balanced whole-foods eating program for more than 13 years now and it has been amazing watching person after person resolve so many issues just by getting on board with removing the junk and processed foods, including wheat, and filling their diets with real foods, foods that nature [not technology or scientists] gave us.

In Living the Low Carb Life, Jonny Bowden, M.A., Certified Nutrition Specialist, says “grains, particularly wheat, have a high propensity for turning into sugar quickly, and wheat is also one of the foods most likely to be implicated in food sensitivities. At one point it was believed that celiac disease—an intolerance of gluten, which is found in most grains—was fairly rare, affecting only 1 in 1,700 people. Estimates are now running closer to 1 in 85, with some estimates as high as 1 in 33. And this doesn’t include the hard-to-estimate number of people who have delayed food sensitivities, very often to grains in general or at least to wheat. A book called Dangerous Grains by James Braly, M.D., suggests that gluten sensitivity may affect tens of millions of Americans.”

body + being

what do you think?

Don’t take my word for it. Do a little homework and you will be as convinced as I am that the wheat of today should not be included in your diet. What I hear from clients is, “I’m tired and don’t have time,” or “It’s cheaper to pick up something at a drive through.” But is that a good, valid, long-term decision that benefits our health and our loved ones well-being? When was the last time convenience or cost dictated the type of fuel you used in your automobile? Would you select diesel for your gas engine if it were cheaper or more convenient? No, you select what goes in your fuel tank based on what best supports it. Why do we sacrifice our health for convenience? Or cost? I believe we fool ourselves by ignoring the long-term consequences of our near-term food selection decisions. Our bodies suffer from selections that harm it, and we need to be aware of the health consequence of each choice. Wheat is not a good choice. The need for “healthy whole grains” is pure fiction. We each need to come to terms with that fact.

Finally, Bill Davis in his book Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight says, “Let me describe a typical person with a wheat deficiency: slender, flat tummy, low triglycerides, high HDL [“good”] cholesterol, normal blood sugar, normal blood pressure, high energy, good sleep, normal bowel function.”

Americans have been told for decades that grains should dominate their diet. In the former Food Guide Pyramid, 6 to 11 servings of grains per day was the recommendation. Contrary to that thinking, there will be no deficiency developed by eliminating wheat from your diet as long as it isn’t replaced by more highly processed foods. The best choice is to replace the wheat with a variety of whole foods like vegetables, fruits, quality meats, eggs, cheese, avocado, olives, nuts,and other whole, real foods.

As I always tell my clients, the choice is yours. If you are open to a future of low-to-no consumption of wheat-based food, and fill it with a variety of real, whole foods, I believe you will enjoy a very healthy life. But no matter what choice you make, I wish for you the best of all the rest of your days.

This information is not meant to be used as medical advice; please consult with a medical advisor knowledgeable in the field of nutrition nutritionally competent medical advisor.

Kevin Dawson

37–Graphic Designer–Moorhead

not getting stuck on my "BIG" mistakes, and loving me in spite of them

Paul Votava

46 - Route sales – Barrel O’ Fun, East Grand Forks, MN family is everything

Chris Dietz 40 - Fargo Firefighter - Fargo children are the biggest blessing we have in life

Nathan Pinke, 37, Pinke Lumber Company and Pinke Homes, Inc - Wishek, ND

taking the time to do something completely, the right way the first time . Rarely the easiest option and is especially difficult for a young person to realize when you’re only goal is to get the task done quickly .

we dig our dads, so asked:

when it comes to parenting, your Dad was right about…

Fred Hudson

46 - Director of Marketing and Communications, RDO Equipment Co - Fargo

integrity and truthfulness…my dad was a man with morals and honest expectations

Mike Drong

39 - Structural Engineer - Sartell, MN several things, but most important, to be a good role model for my boys

Nathan Sugden

35 - Custom Harvester/Farmer – Hallock, ND

kids don't come with an owner's manual, you have to figure it out as you go along

Robert Thorpe

33 - Farmer – Oakes, ND

the importance of work ethic—always work hard and good things will come your way

sesame grilled beef

Summer eating at our house almost never includes hamburgers or hot dogs. Why grill the same old thing when you can grill...EVERYTHING? Bul Kogi is a crowd pleaser every time and even the pickiest eaters always love this recipe! Enjoy grilling with your loved ones this summer and maybe even finding a new family favorite in Bul Kogi!

marinated meat ingredients

2 pounds shell steak or sirloin, sliced across the grain 1/4

inch thick

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/3 cup sugar

3 tablespoons sake or dry sherry

8 garlic cloves, minced

4 scallions, minced

2 tablespoons Asian sesame oil

2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper

dipping sauce ingredients

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/2 cup sake

1/4 cup sugar

1 Asian pear—peeled, cored and finely chopped

4 scallions, finely chopped

1/4 medium onion, finely chopped

2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds

serving ingredients

1 head of romaine lettuce, separated into leaves

source: foodandwine.com

recipe recommended by:

how to

1. With a meat pounder, pound the meat between 2 sheets of plastic wrap until you have wide, thin strips.

2. In a shallow bowl, combine the soy sauce, sugar and sake; stir to dissolve the sugar.

3. Stir in the remaining ingredients.

4. Add the meat and turn to coat with the marinade.

5. Set aside to marinate for 1 hour, turning the meat from time to time.

6. In a medium bowl, combine the soy sauce, sake and sugar; stir to dissolve the sugar.

7. Add the Asian pear, scallions, onion and sesame seeds.

8. Pour the sauce into 6 small bowls.

9. Light a grill. When the fire is hot, arrange the meat on the grill and cook for 1 to 2 minutes per side, or until nicely browned.

10. Transfer the meat to a platter and arrange the romaine leaves alongside.

11. To eat, wrap a piece of meat in a lettuce leaf, dip the bundle in the Asian pear sauce and pop it into your mouth.

Kari Hitterdahl’s passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on the shores of Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in Social Studies and English from Concordia College. Although determined to leave the area upon graduation, she instead fell in love with a globetrotting area native, and has lived in the F-M area for 18 years. Kari and her husband, Brent, have spent many long winters perfecting Thai recipes with their three children and eager taste-testers, Gunnar [13], Ava [10] and Ella [5]. Kari takes great pride in her career of stay-at-home mom, which has allowed her to cultivate her love for food and provide imaginative and healthy meals for her family. Just don’t ask her kids about meals they have labeled “Kari’s Creations!”

photo: FATcat Studios | mark sorgaard

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

down

in search of peace

story by | kathleen wrigley

Each of us has a story. We have all suffered hardships that may have changed our lives forever. Certain of life’s episodes threaten to saddle us with negative emotions and strip us of peace. Healing is personal and different for everyone. Achieving peace is a journey set by individual pace and process. And as sad as some of our situations may be, they can shape us and leave an indelible imprint on our histories. With the right tools—faith, attitude, and the prayers and support of others—these experiences can guide us through all the days of our lives.

I feel fortified when I attend church. And after several weeks of unavoidable absences, it felt good and right to be back in church on this morning. And while I don’t normally write about ministry, today’s service left me

with an understanding that my own journey to finding peace is underway. I’m a work in progress, chugging along, but moving forward—with the help from my faith, attitude, and the prayers and support of others. The opening hymn, “It is Well with My Soul,” had me tilting my head back to swallow tears. Then the sermon: “Do you want to be healed?” explored the definition, expectations, and power of healing. The pastor struck a nerve when he mentioned the word “forgiveness” in relation to healing. I could no longer absorb the swell of tears. They fell. And I couldn’t stop them.

You see, I’m searching for peace…again.

I was recently in Philadelphia for an appeal hearing for the person who killed my brother 22 years ago. Danny was just 21 years old when he was murdered. I was 20. He was a rookie Philadelphia Police Officer, following in

my Dad’s footsteps. After 22 years we are called back to court. This defendant was convicted and sentenced for murdering Dan, but because of a loophole found in recent case law, defendants are afforded another opportunity to plead for a lesser punishment, if they’re rendered mentally handicapped. Rather than dismiss the appeal request, a judge granted a week-long hearing. She will rule on the appeal…October 28. Six months after the hearing. Six months.

The process is maddening, especially this many years later. My parents and I—once again—faced the person responsible for intentionally killing Danny. Victims have no place at this level of the justice system. So the families who can garner enough strength will sit silently in the courtroom—forcing their loved one into the equation. There is barely any mention of the facts of the case. No reference to the thirteen rounds he fired into the police squad car. There are only new witnesses whose testimony fits nicely into the applicable case law; new “facts” and reasons why he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions.

Suffice it to say it’s—temporarily—hardened me. I speak for myself, because finding peace is an intensely personal journey. I believe that finding peace forces us to forgive; to accept. Not everyone strives for this. Not all of us need peace. I do.

But it requires an enormous amount of emotional energy. Peace starts with a decision, but getting there is a process. I know this because—after 22 years—I was at peace. I reached a point of forgiveness. And by “forgiveness,” I mean the untying of pains held on my heart. I do not mean pardoning or condoning this defendant’s actions. But through the years, I have worked hard to accept Danny’s devastating, deliberate murder as part of my life’s history. We have endured what his death stole from us. We memorialize him in positive ways and I am grateful for the years I had with him. Nothing can take those years from my heart. Fortunately our hearts have good, good memories. And through a whole host of opportunities, I found peace.

Sadly, this judicial proceeding has threatened that healing. It’s reopened wounds and unearthed the peace achieved. There are moments when I feel like I’m swimming against a tidal wave of negativity and anger. And it hurts in ways I can’t describe. But I can’t stay here. I refuse to allow this external force—and all its power—to set my course. Experience proves

its effectiveness, so I pray to find the path to peace, again. And I will

It starts with a decision and an open heart. Without peace, we are the prisoners, hampered by anger and bitterness and negativity. Without peace, we are stuck. And we miss out on so much.

When I returned home to North Dakota, there were plenty of piles to sift through. My family needed me—all of me. Projects and heaps of lists had accumulated in my absence. But life keeps rolling along. “Decompressing from the hearing will have to wait until I complete my tasks,” I thought. As happy as I was to be back with Drew and the kids, I was short-tempered and quick to cry.

And then I attended a benefit for my daughter’s teacher, Mrs. (Dawn) Ulmer. Mrs. Ulmer was in a serious car accident in March. She was broken from head to toe, literally. But nothing fractured her spirit. She is an amazing pillar of strength and faith. We watched in awe the nearly 1,000 people who gathered to raise money to help with medical costs and lost wages. We witnessed in absolute wonderment the generosity of Olive Garden—where Dawn worked part-time on weekends for extra money—as they served 850 meals that day. People from across the country donated their hard-earned money and items for the silent auction. Moms baked and created wonderful treats for the bake sale. People prayed. They served. They came. Nearly 1,000, hearts were fulfilled that day—all in the hopes of helping someone in need. Unbeknownst to many of

these givers, they set me back on the path to peace. Their kindness touched all of us and restored hope. The promise of peace surrounds us all.

After the hearing and in a moment of sadness, my husband, Drew, read me this quote. It’s beautiful and true. On the night Martin Luther King Jr. was killed, Robert Kennedy spoke and quoted the Greek poet, Aeschylus: “In our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”

“ Do you want to be healed?”—the pastor asks. The surprise of peace and promise can be seen, even in our darkest moments, “through the grace of God.” There is always hope in tomorrow. Our faith, our attitude, and prayers and support from others are reliable resources that carry us during our tough times. Through these precious gifts, peace awaits.

Peace out, Dawg.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

written purpose troy white

story by | patricia carlson

This was it. He had written what he needed to write. As Troy White stared at his computer screen, he second-guessed himself.

Was this the right time?

What would people think?

Making this Facebook post meant everyone would know; did he want that?

Maybe he should wait…NO!

This was right. This was the time. This was all about helping others, not just himself. He took a deep breath… clicked post… one step closer to his purpose.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

Troy White remembers a lot about his childhood. He remembers consciously thinking he would never forget what it is like to be a child; to see the world through a child’s eyes. Children are innocent, literal, curious, and loving. Even as a young boy there was something guiding Troy to his future…regardless of the domestic violence he experienced.

“When dad was coming home, that was a terrible time,” says Troy. “I always wondered, ‘What dad am I going to get?’”

His father could be gentle, caring and kind, but when fueled with alcohol he became explosively violent.

“He wasn’t an everyday drunk,” explains Troy’s mom, Elaine. “But he couldn’t stop after one drink and he became so violent. He was so angry about everything that had happened in his life. We felt in danger all of the time.”

Elaine knew, and was devastated by, the emotional turmoil she and her children were experiencing. But like many battered women, she lived in fear that if she reported her husband’s abuse that he would return darker, angrier, and more violent.

For years Troy’s family lived in fear. “He was supposed to be the family protector but we needed protection from him,” says Troy. He recalls being choked, verbally demeaned, beaten, and threatened. He remembers a night his dad held a gun to his mom’s head as Troy and his sister held each other crying in a bedroom, waiting to hear the sound that would change their lives. Terrifying moments no child should experience.

Elaine knew she and her children couldn’t live like this and eventually she found the courage to leave. She sought and was granted a divorce, but Troy’s dad was awarded weekend visitations. “That’s when things got worse, to be honest with you,” says Troy. “We, as children, became a tool. The one sure way to hurt my mother was to hurt us. I’d be pulled from my bed in the middle of the night because he would call and say he was going to come and kill us. That was normal for us.”

Over the years, the abuse lessened, but the damage had been done.

lost identity

As Troy entered his teenage years, he was able to hide the struggles of his young life with an outgoing personality, friendly smile, and sense of humor. But internally he was plagued by self-hatred, anxiety, and

depression, although he wasn’t really able to identify what any of those things were and why he was feeling them. Like many victims of domestic violence, he had compartmentalized and buried those memories, hoping to erase them from his psyche.

“He’s experienced inconceivable violence as a child and young man. He’s endured pain that no one should ever know,” says Stephanie Gerhardt, Training Coordinator for CAWS North Dakota [formerly known as the North Dakota Council on Abused Women’s Services and Coalition Against Sexual Assault in North Dakota], who is familiar with Troy’s story. “Initially my heart hurt for him and I had to stifle my tears. His childhood was essentially stolen from him and his circumstances taught him how to survive, not how to live.”

Because of their matching looks and similar laugh, Troy could never truly escape his connection to his dad. Every time he looked in the mirror Troy could see his father and he hated it.

“I was really afraid of me being that person,” he says. “When someone would say, ‘You’re just like your dad,’ I was terrified of becoming that person.”

That negative self-image played out through Troy’s early relationships. He found himself dating women who needed to be rescued. Even if they didn’t love him, they needed him and he found self-worth in that. Until he met Kristi.

facing the future

“He came up to me at a party and was talking on the phone,” Kristi recalls with a smile. “He asked me if I could write something down for him and I said yes. Then he said, ‘Your phone number.’”

At 16 years old, Kristi was immediately smitten with Troy’s charm and sense of humor but they didn’t begin to seriously date until five years later in 1994. In 1996 they got married and settled in Fargo.

While Troy had shared some of his past with Kristi, she had no idea the depth of the abuse her husband had experienced. He wasn’t yet ready to share that secret. But as the years passed and the subject of children surfaced, Kristi suspected something was wrong.

“We both wanted children and we both had even talked about having just one,” she says. “But when it came time, he was like, ‘I’m not sure if I’m ready.‘ and I asked him why and he said he was basically scared of being

a bad dad. He didn’t know how to put the abuse into words at that time.”

“I was deathly afraid of being a father,” he says, as tears fill his eyes. “But then I remembered being eight years old and making the determination that this is the kind of dad I want to be. I never wanted to forget what it’s like to be a child. I wanted to remember how they think. I wanted to make sure to give my children a voice and respect.”

Despite Troy’s hesitations and limited explanations, Kristi never wavered in her belief that her husband would make a remarkable dad. She saw compassion and love in him. She saw how he strived to understand people, in his personal and professional lives.

“I think it was something inside him that was insightful,” explains Kristi. “He’s got a moral compass and a feeling of justice and how to treat people. He decided at a young age that he wasn’t going to treat people the way his father did. His mother was certainly a good influence on him, too.”

Elaine humbly shuns any credit, saying Troy’s introspective spirit, considering the environment he grew up in, is a testament to his inner strength and drive to

thrive. “I was trying to be a mother and father,” she says. “I never felt that I failed him as a mom, but I did feel I failed him as a dad. Most of the credit goes to Troy. He became his own role model. He kept in touch with what he wished it would’ve been like growing up. He was a good father for himself.”

Troy finally got his chance at fatherhood in 2004 when he and Kristi welcomed their twin daughters, Avery Grace and Victoria Faith. It was a joyful time—the girls were healthy and happy, the couple had just moved into a historic home in Barnesville, Troy had successfully launched an advertising business, and his mother and stepfather had moved in down the road—but Troy’s inner demons were returning to the surface. His anxiety was ever present.

controlling the silence

“Living with anxiety is exhausting,” explains Troy. “You are in this constant state of fight or flight. You know you shouldn’t feel that way, but you can’t stop it. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is truly exhausting.”

The abuse that Troy had buried for so long started bubbling to the surface. “We forget how immediate

my beautiful son

written by: troy white

As you lay sleeping, I lean down to kiss your cheek and taste your salty tear I gently touch your soft hair and you sigh deeply, releasing this day’s fear My beautiful son

For the first time I see you with my heart and I weep I know what your future brings and the pain your heart will feel I have lived the horror your eyes will see Don’t worry son, you will survive

When you need me the most, I will abandon you I will tell you I hate you, and mean every word I will be demanding of you I will test and drive you to exhaustion to prove yourself to me, but I am impossible to please The stronger you get, the weaker I will say you are The more encouragement you need the more I will make you doubt yourself The brighter the light that shines on you, the darker the shadow I will cast I am ashamed at how I will treat you

But from this day forward, I will love you with all my heart I will help you through to the other side until we meet face to face I am not your father from heaven or this earth I am the man you will someday be, who has come back to tell you you need not be afraid You will not be alone This time, I will be with you the entire way

and traumatic things can be for kids,” he says simply. Now he was ready to face his past.

He visited counselors. He tried medications. But nothing was working. “I knew what I should feel and wanted to feel,” he says. “I was trying to make it happen but my body wasn’t listening.”

A fateful moment in a waiting room provided the spark, the guiding light, he needed. He read a pamphlet about finding your purpose in life based on the best-selling book, The Purpose Driven Life. Troy took its premise to heart and started reexamining what he was truly supposed to do with his life. He decided to simplify. He sold his business. Spent more time with his girls. And faced his past head on through hypnotherapy sessions. “The whole premise is that you do this on a subconscious level,” explains Troy.

Using imagery, Troy’s hypnotherapist helped him to re-visit his past. She urged him to remember a time when he didn’t feel anxiety. He latched onto a memory of his mother tucking him in and singing a bedtime song. When she asked how he felt in that memory he said, “Safe.” “That was a breakthrough for me,” he says with tears in his eyes at the memory. “There was an awakening and my purpose started coming out and what I was supposed to do with it.”

healing words

Troy began to write. The secrets poured out of him, and with each word he typed another demon disappeared. “It hit me so hard,” he says. Those writings began to free him from the mental and physical torment he’d felt long after the abuse ended.

Writing offered him a newfound clarity about his past. He was taught to be silent about the abuse. Talking about such things would be shameful. But he was starting to see that being silent was wrong. He had pages of memories and insights. He wanted to reach out and help others who were struggling with an abusive history or mental illness. Troy believed he had found his calling.

“I believe in a higher power. I believe that there are things that are beyond you and beyond your control,” he states. “There are little clues that life gives you that you have to listen to.”

Troy began embracing the clues around him and found himself on the path to understanding and forgiveness—of himself and his father.

“Instead of poor me, I began thinking, ‘Why was I given this?’” he says. “If you don’t look for that, then you won’t know to go there. This all makes sense now. I found my purpose. These experiences were given to me because I have the personality for them. I’m supposed to do something with them. I can help other people.”

Troy decided to create a website and share his experience, writings, and provide a community for those needing to heal like him. But would his family and friends support his desire, his need, really, to share the secrets they’d kept for so long?

Yes, says Elaine, because it freed them, too.

“We had to be silent for so long,” she says quietly, pausing to let some tears fall. “And it needed to be said. It was a release for him and me and his sister.”

Although Elaine was a little apprehensive—would the website spark another cycle of violence in Troy’s father who had long been estranged from the family? She gave her blessing because she saw the purity behind Troy’s request to use his story to help other victims. “People who are abused feel lost, alone, helpless, hopeless,” she says. “If he could spare even one person from that pain then what we all went through was not in vain.”

Troy’s writings also allowed him to finally and fully disclose his story to his wife. Kristi had always known there was more behind Troy’s hesitations about fatherhood and his unwavering need to remain strong in the face of adversity, but even she wasn’t prepared to see the mental picture of her husband as a scared little boy clinging to the hope that one day all the torment would end.

“The first time I read one or two of his writings, I cried,” she says. “You know he went through some stuff but you have no idea how bad it was and how it affected him. It made me hurt, too.”

The night he was to launch his website, www.deepscythe.com, Troy sat frozen in front of his computer as he prepared to announce the launch on Facebook. With one click, the world would know his story. His family’s story. He would no longer privately carry the secret and shame. “Anybody who thinks it takes strength to be silent has never done anything like this before,” he says. “It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

The response was overwhelming, says Troy. Within hours, people he’d known his whole life admitted they,

too, had suffered abuse or struggled with mental illness. They never talked about it either - until reaching out to Troy because he reached out first.

“Everybody’s got a story,” says Troy. “I don’t think mine is the worst. It’s not the best. It’s just unique that I’m willing to share it. I’m not always sure that that’s the right thing to do but that’s what I feel I have to do.”

a voice

As word of Troy’s website spread, domestic abuse advocacy groups in North Dakota and Minnesota began to take notice of the brave man with a story to tell. They invited Troy to share his path of victimization, survival and, ultimately, thriving. Seeing the opportunity to help even more people, Troy began sharing his story out loud. He was giving a voice to the voiceless.

“It takes great courage to speak out publicly about an issue that has been shrouded in silence and that has caused so much personal pain,” says Kathy M. Smith, Program Services Support Coordinator at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center in Fargo. “The social code or norm around privacy and silence in relation to domestic and sexual violence has served to hide the true nature and extent of the problem. The tendency of others to blame victims of domestic and sexual violence for the problem also serves to keep them silent. When Troy speaks publicly about these issues he is taking risks and allowing himself to be vulnerable.”

Last year Troy was one of the featured speakers at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center’s Summit to Prevent Domestic and Sexual Violence. His writings have appeared in Authentic Voices, a collection of creative writings by North Dakota authors who are survivors of childhood abuse and sexual assault. This year Kathy recommended Troy as a presenter at CAWS North Dakota where he connected with Stephanie, who hopes that Troy will help her work herself out of a job.

“I think he knows that when he speaks he’s surrounded by people who truly care and want to see changes made to end the cycle of violence, which might make it easier for him,” says Stephanie. “I’ve seen a transformation in Troy each time he shares his story. He becomes stronger, gains confidence. I think in a sense that it provides him with a little more closure.”

forgiving

Troy, now the Executive Director at Bonanzaville in West Fargo [something he is very passionate about],

continues to help others through his writings and speaking engagements. Finding closure in his own situation is also important to Troy these days because his father was diagnosed with terminal cancer a year ago. When Troy and Kristi learned of his father’s diagnosis, they asked their daughters if they wanted to meet their grandfather before he passed and without hesitation they said yes.

“That wasn’t what I wanted to hear,” Troy admits, but he gave in to his daughters’ requests. This was the beginning of the end to the decade-long estrangement from his father.

Seeing his dad again, shriveled from cancer and yearning for repentance, reaffirmed Troy’s decision to reconnect with his dad.

“It was shocking,” he says. “He was this gigantic force in my life. A giant, powerful man. But now he was frail and humbled and our conversations were great. He hugged me and said, ‘I love you son.’ It’s the kind of relationship I never thought I’d have with him.”

During their conversations Troy gained a deeper understanding of his father and the demons he fought. While it doesn’t abdicate his father of the abuse, it may explain why he tried to dilute his anger with alcohol.

“Both of his parents suffered from alcoholism and he was an outsider from the rest of his siblings,” says Troy. “He had to fend for himself and suffered silently for years with depression and anxiety just like I did. I’m not making excuses or feeling sorry for him but I do realize that I have more at my disposal and knowledge and information than he did. I don’t condone, but I understand.”

In a recent conversation with his father, Troy discussed his battle with anxiety and depression. His father told him that because of his terminal illness, his doctors put him on an anti-depressant. “I didn’t know you could feel like this” He confided in Troy. “I wish I had been on this 40 years ago. Our lives would have been much different.”

Troy also believes in the power of sharing his story and doesn’t plan to stop because his father is a changed man. He wants to be a catalyst for change. He wants to help others break the cycles of abuse that silently and shamefully run rampant through families.

“If I don’t share my story, my father’s actions are just a series of unfortunate incidences. By sharing my past, his actions now have the power to do something positive.”

Over 20,000 people have visited Troy’s website in its two years of existence. Some have emailed him regarding the influence he has been on their lives. Others visit quietly.

Troy has spoken at nearly a dozen conferences, reaching thousands of people. Some have approached him and expressed the importance of his words on them. Others sit quietly, listening intently with tear-filled eyes.

Troy knows he isn’t supposed to be quiet any longer.

“Why was I given this?” Troy reflects. “I believe God gave me this experience because I could handle it and do something good with it. I don’t look at it as a curse. It’s a gift.”

It’s his purpose.

Follow Troy and view other writings at: www.deepscythe.com

www.facebook.com/dpscythe

Do you need help?

Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

701.293.7273 or 800.344.7273

www.raccfm.com

YWCA Emergency Shelter

701.232.3449

www.ywcacassclay.org

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota

www.stopchildabusend.com

me

&

sib·ling [noun] each of two or more children or offspring having one or both parents in common; a brother or sister

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

What a nice, simple, concise definition for a relationship that can be wonderful, complex, and terrifying for all parties included. Yes, they can drive us crazy, take our stuff, and be a complete embarrassment, but they can turn around and be our biggest cheerleader, defender, and confidant. That’s the burden and blessing of having and being a sibling. As parents of more than one kiddo we are going to encounter experiences special to siblings. Some good…some you could do without.

my shadow

wee ones

It will be so great because they are going to be close in age and will play together and will be best friends forever! Won’t that be great? Sure, in a few years! But right now having a new baby along with a wee one at home can feel like stress on level bazillion!

you can do it

This isn’t your first rodeo. You’ve done the new-baby thing and know how it works, but this time you also

have an ankle biter around wanting all of your attention, too. The first few months can be a test of wills, sleep deprivation, hormone surges, and milk production. Talk about stress! You need to control what you can control and limit your stress with these tips:

• it’s coming One thing every mom should know is to expect the unexpected. Be prepared for everything and don’t expect things to go exactly as they did with your first baby. Oh, and that normal first-born angel of yours isn’t guaranteed to not show signs of a demonic possession with the appearance of a new bundle of joy. Be ready!

• relax It’s okay to make friends with the dust bunnies and let them stay awhile. Relax your normal standards of cleanliness and don’t feel guilty about it. You have lots going on and something has to give. A little dust never killed anyone…sneezing yes, but death, no!

• enter at own risk Establish visiting rules. Your friends and family will be looking to help, but if visiting gets to be too much, feel free to display the figurative “do not disturb” sign. Those close to you will understand.

• take care of you With all the mothering you are dishing out it’s easy to forget numero uno. Don’t do that. You are no good to anyone if you are no good to you! Get out of the house. Accept help from those offering. Take a bath. Have a date night. Anything to recharge your battery and feel good about you.

If you find yourself really struggling and need professional help, don’t wait! Call your trusted physician for advice. Parenting can be very stressful and there is no shame in asking for help so you can be the parent you want to be.

experts say sibling rivalry is less intense when the age difference between the first and second kiddo is 18 months or less

Your tot has been growing by leaps and bounds. Blowing by milestones has been a piece of cake for your achieving guru. But bring home the new baby and your tot has made a U-turn toward regression. What’s up with that?

hey…remember me?

A new baby brings joy to a family. She also brings change and stress. Even if you have done your best to prepare your tot for his impending sibling, odds are he is going to demonstrate some behavior changes. Our tots definitely feel jealously, anger, and frustration, but verbally expressing those emotions isn’t so easy. Instead they act out. It all comes down to attention and your tot wants it. Here are some tips to keep your tot moving forward:

• keep cool Don’t overreact. Your tot sees the baby getting all the attention. He thinks, “I want mama to pay attention to me like the baby. Hum…maybe I should act like a baby too!” He isn’t trying to be devious or naughty, so don’t freak out. Negative attention is attention and overreacting to his regressive behavior could provoke more bad behavior.

• that-a-tot If your tot has been demonstrating regressive behavior, make sure you praise his big-tot behavior. You have to make it clear to your tot that acting like a baby doesn’t cut it. You want attention? Act like a tot and mama will recognize and praise those good behaviors.

• lil help Get your tot in the game to help with the baby. He can help fold blankets, retrieve diapers and wipes, and pick up the occasional fumbled passie. Responsibility can go a long way.

• same-o-same-o A new baby can really put a wrench in everyone’s schedule. Do your best to limit the

tots

amount of other changes happening and try to keep your tot’s routine close to normal.

There might be some bumps in the road as the new baby enters your tot’s world, but remember to keep things in perspective and when you have the opportunity make some tot and mama only time. That can be the best medicine to keep your tot trudging up the mountain of tot-hood.

of two mamas has been reduced to tears by a tot tantrum

Sshhhh…do you hear it? From the depths of the hallway it starts quietly and gains strength. “MAAAA-MOM!!!

Bobby called me a duck! MAAAA-MOM!!! Bobby left the bathroom door open! MAAAA-MOM!!! Bobby’s in my room!” And there it is…the dreaded TATTLETALE has invaded your home!!!

i’m telling

The good news? Your tattling preschooler is right on schedule. During the ages of three to five, our preschoolers

understand there is right and wrong. The bad news? They have trouble with the grey areas. That is where it can get annoying for us mamas because we don’t want to hear about every little thing someone does that crosses the path of your watching preschooler. For your preschooler, his moral compass kicks in when he sees things being done the wrong way or things that frustrate him. Brother takes his toy, sister calls him a name, or mama didn’t eat all her veggies [oh ya, no one gets a free pass] are all fair game. How can we expect him to keep these atrocities quiet? Of course there are times you want your preschooler telling you things, especially when someone could get hurt. The key is helping him decipher those times and teach him conflict resolution:

• what’s your motivation When your preschooler comes to tell you something [tattle], make sure you understand the situation. A tattle is one sibling trying to get another in trouble and that is what you need to have your preschooler understand. Ask him why he is telling you this. Is it to get his sister in trouble? Get him to think about his actions.

• nice job, rule follower When your preschooler comes to you with a tattle involving the breaking of a “rule,” praise his rule-following vigor and leave it at that. Then tell him he needs to work it out with his sibling and you’re not getting involved. Watch yourself that you don’t run to the tattletale’s rescue unnecessarily. That will only reinforce the tattling behavior.

• monkey see Mama got a tendency to gossip and talk about others? Watch out! Your preschooler can interpret this as tattling and no one, I repeat NO ONE, likes a 30, 40-something tattletale…very unattractive.

one researcher found that brothers and sisters between three and seven years old engage in conflict 3.5 times per hour, with younger kiddos fighting even more—every 10 minutes!

Some sibling fighting with your big kid is to be expected. None of it is ever fun for you, but put it in the close quarters of a moving vehicle and it’s a recipe to go absolutely bonkers! If only your mode of transportation was equipped with one of those screens in a limo that separates the driver from the passengers. Ahhhh…wouldn’t that be heaven?

you wanna walk

Every mama’s tolerance to kiddo fighting differs. That level of tolerance can also change in the car, because let’s face it…you can’t get away! Here are some tips to keep the quarreling [and your sanity] in check:

• here’s the deal Set expectations. Start with where everyone will sit. Then get into the no fighting rules. And if you have had a tough day and know your nerves are already worn thin put your big kids on notice the minute they get in the car. None of that on this ride!

• look over there Distraction can be a blessing. Sure, you can pop in a DVD, but try some conversation or car games. Get them thinking about something other than the sibling sitting a few feet away who is breathing so annoyingly.

• use your inside voice As the volume in the backseat raises, try your best to keep yours within normal limits. Keep your cool best you can.

• don’t make me Feel free to make irrational, brutal threats…in your head only! Blowing your stack is not going to help. Count to ten and address the

situation. If the fighting is really out of control, don’t try to referee while driving and staring in the rearview mirror. An accident isn’t worth it. Pull over to address the situation. Let your kiddos know their fighting is distracting and you will not move the car until they can stop. Even if it means you are going to be late. You need to address the situation.

Time to Clean Out the Closets?

the National Transportation Safety Board has asked states to consider making it illegal for kiddos under 12 to ride in the front seat because research shows they are 30% more likely to survive a car crash when sitting in the backseat

Brothers and sisters. Same mama and daddy. Same environment and experiences. Makes sense that they are so much alike…NOT! Different kiddos means, well, different kiddos! Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking your tweener is or should be like his sibling. Not fair, mama!

i am who i am

As a parent of more than one kiddo, you have to be this ever-changing leader of future upstanding citizens. Each

kiddo learns differently, has a different personality, and thinks about things differently, so you need to be an effective parent for each. One big disservice you can do to your tweener is comparing him to his sibling. Talk about a blow to the ol’ self esteem. Here are some things to keep in mind before you throw out a, “Can’t you be more like your brother?”

• i’ll call you Because our kiddos are so different, it can be easy to see certain skills or traits each child excels in. That’s great, but refrain from attaching labels [the social one, the athlete, the scholar, etc.] to your differing kiddos. Labeling can increase competitiveness amongst siblings and also make one kiddo feel less than his sibling in certain areas.

• a for effort Yes, your kiddos are going to have varying degrees of success in different areas, so reward effort as much as outcomes. And don’t forget attitude. A positive attitude can get you far in life, so be sure to reinforce it when it appears positively.

• perspective in sight Being best in your class but second at home can be tough to swallow. Help your tweener keep things in perspective. If he has a sibling who is extremely gifted in an area, acknowledge that both of their performances are something to be proud of.

• no i in team Early on in your family life, work to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Celebrate the accomplishments of each kiddo and get the kiddos cheering for each other.

Yep, your kiddos are individuals all the way. So don’t forget to treat them that way.

65% of mamas and 70% of daddies exhibit a preference to one kiddo over another

Need to get out. Errands, work meeting, date night, whatever it might be, you’ll enjoy it because it is “out.” But wait! Who will watch the kiddos? And it starts: the calls, emails, and texts searching for the mature teen looking to make a few extra bucks. Hold the phone… you have one right under your noses…don’t you?

large & in charge

Finding a good sitter is golden! Someone who is responsible, attentive to your kiddos, and liked by the kiddos is a huge lifesaver. Being able to leave your home confident you will return to the same kiddos and the house will be in good standing is great. Now that your teen is older, can you expect him to be the sitter of his younger siblings? Sure! If some things can be agreed upon:

• ready or not Just because he may be “old enough” doesn’t mean he will be a good sitter to his siblings. Maturity has to be there to assure he can handle things while the queen is gone. The sitter is there to handle things if something goes wrong. Can your teen do that? If not, keep the sitter outside the family. And if your teen is completely against babysitting, be careful how hard you push. Forcing him in could create an un-enjoyable experience for all.

• no world wars allowed How do your kiddos normally get along? If they fight and it can get really aggressive, don’t expect that to change because you are gone. Putting one sibling in charge of the other can be like throwing gas on the fire and it has nothing to do with the age of your teen. The younger sibling may be just fine with the authority given to an outside sitter of the same age. But given to his brother or sister, the situation could turn bad quickly.

• in the know If your teen is going to be doing the sitting, treat the situation like you would with an outside sitter. He needs to know all the emergency

contacts and numbers, the care needs of each child, and that he is actually watching his siblings and not supposed to be on his phone or playing video games the whole time. He’s the sitter and needs to act like it. He’s responsible for them all.

When the queen is gone and the teen is in charge, expect some stumbles. But if everyone plays a part in successful time away, praise your teen sitter as well as the obeying siblings.

1001183.1

Some things we all have in common.

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nationally, babysitter fees range $10-$15 per hour [varying based on things such as number of kiddos, sitter experience, location, and added responsibilities]

Love, hope, success, family, security.

says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

story by | deb uglem

Iknew it was inevitable. It had been building for years; 42, to be exact. But now it is official: I am in my forties. They say 40 is the new 30. So I guess I should be heading into these “wonderful” years with a smile on my face—easier said than done. Each year my birthday party gets a little smaller. Funny how things started changing and I didn’t see it coming.

I am now carrying cheater glasses and on weekends I read the paper from beginning to end. I am scheduling

appointments for hair coloring, hair removal [frequently], and mammograms. I find myself watching infomercials about face creams and I apply eye cream nightly, which is something that I never had time for in my thirties. I am concerned about crazy things like what my lawn looks like and the weather. Not to mention now it takes days to recover from a night out with friends. And if I had a dime for every time I was called ma’am—well, let’s just say I would have a lot of dimes! All of the sudden this is the new me.

The result of these changes is me hitting another tipping point. I have had several in my 42 years and most of them are directly related to motherhood. Professionally they are easy to recognize. For a writer it is when the reader “gets it” and in marketing it’s the point where sales increase. But as a mom and women it is easy to not see the forest for the trees. We get overwhelmed with the detail and we hit a breaking point. When I was younger I would second guess and over analyze everything from naptimes to my jean size. I would obsess and over extend myself for family and friends. I worried about how people perceived my parenting, relationships, and career. I know now that I missed moments by being over concerned with how things may work out. It was frustrating. Well, I have lived enough to believe that with age comes wisdom.

I realize now that this most recent tipping point has been my favorite. That’s right! I’m glad am aging. Through all these crazy changes in my body and mind I found my confidence. I cannot pinpoint the exact date it arrived but this confidence boost has had a huge effect on me. The self-assurance has given me an understanding of who I am, and once you know that it’s easier to express yourself. Now don’t get me wrong; I am not totally confident all the time. No one can expect to be, but I am finding as I get older I feel it more and more. The results are eye-opening. I realize now that I will never

quit learning how to be a parent. The decisions I make, regardless if they are right or wrong, will teach my children how to be better people. I have even accepted my jean size. I have let my guard down and have closer relationships with my husband, family, and friends. They know me and still love me!

So here’s to aging gracefully. I know it’s easy to get bogged down running a house and looking after your family. But it requires more energy to not be you. It can be emotionally and even physically draining to convince yourself you did something wrong or made a poor decision. It’s time to be confident in your decisions. I for one have decided not to mourn my youth but embrace my forties. As you reach your next milestone birthday remember they say that age is just a number. I am not sure who “they” are but I believe “them.” Enjoy your next birthday!

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. A graduate from Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Communication Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [16] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with kids and on the golf course.

happy fathers day!

who needs a superhero when you have your dad

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

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