Oct/Nov 2013 On the Minds of Moms

Michael Blankinship, MD

Dermatology

Essentia Health

-South University Clinic

Dr. Blankinship says he enjoys educating his patients about skin cancer prevention and detection. “Don’t delay – early detection and treatment are key,” he says. “It’s important that patients come in to be checked out.”

Dr. Blankinship has a medical degree and a doctorate degree in human genetics from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, Mich. His residency in dermatology also took place at the University of Michigan Health System in Ann Arbor.

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Blankinship, call Essentia Health

-South University Clinic at 701.364.8900

N GOING

looking for a new career?

Real Estate offers rewarding earnings and flexibility!

On Going Education is committed to providing you with the most informative small and live classroom instruction designed to provide valuable insight to your pre-license course or to your continuing educational requirements. Is Real Estate right for you? Find out with On Going Education!

Upcoming 2013 Courses:

August 29-30

September 26-29

October 11-13

November 7-10

December 6-8

For more information and to register online, go to www.ongoingedclasses.com

On Going Education believes that an educated agent is a successful agent!

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848

e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com

Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624

e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

Sabrina Kliniske – rialee photography

Lauren Kupfer – rialee photography

Scott Thuen – thuen studios

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo

Scott Thuen

Tara Kessler

Stephanie Drietz

Amanda McKinnon

EDITORIAL CONTACT e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

SUBSCRIPTION print & digital www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe

COVER PHOTO BY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

instructor,

OTMOM

MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Sunmart and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

finding their way

what has been the most meaningful detour in your life?

kirsten jensen fargo | nd what’s on your mind: page 20

When I was sixteen years old I spent the summer living with a family in Germany through the AFS program. That time represented a branching out; a detour from the routine of summer jobs and preparing for college. I learned to see a bigger world—from a different perspective. My heart was heavy when I learned that many of my German friends didn’t feel the same kind of pride in their country that I felt as an American; they found it difficult to be proud of their country because of the history of what national pride symbolized. And I learned fashion trends aren’t universal—I’ll never forget the moment my new friend bent down and lovingly removed the safety pins from my jean cuffs.

kari klingsporn

hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 54 & 56

The most meaningful detour of my life has been a surprise pregnancy. The timing wasn't perfect for me or my husband; I had my so-called ideal life mapped out in front of me. The lessons I can link back to embracing life's messiness are countless. I am so thankful the gift-of-a-life detour was the opportunity to become a mother!

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 80

My daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age one. This was a big-time detour that taught me about family strength, valuing what you have, and acceptance. I think I realized that moms can’t control everything that happens to their kids and adapting is key.

dr. tracie hoggarth fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 46

Motherhood—I had become so focused on pursuing my professional interests throughout the eight years of college that there was little time to consider how much a family of my own would mean to me. Although my detour with my husband detour was purposeful, being a mom to Josie and Beckett has put life in perspective and made me who I am and want to be.

dr. scott van dam fargo | nd body + being: page 42

When I took the opportunity to sell my practice in Illinois and moved to Fargo, ND, to be closer to family. Living near family is great and my practice has been very blessed with kind referrals from within the community.

kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 60

There are many meaningful detours in my life, but few that compare to meeting my husband, Drew Wrigley. After my brother was murdered, I was careful to protect my heart from loss. Then I met Drew. He gave me reason to believe. He protected—but also emboldened— me and opened my world to adventures I could never have imagined. I will always bet my heart on my husband, Drew.

dr. teri-lee james fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 46

I have taken a number of important detours in my life, which have lead me to where I am professionally. However, the most meaningful detour that I have taken was a personal one that eventually led me and my husband to Ethiopia where we met our beautiful daughter.

million pairs of jeans are sold in the US each year On average, Americans own at least 7 pairs of jeans . EVERY girl needs a good pair of jeans in her wardrobe

98 minutes is the average user time on Pinterest per month Did you know Garlic Cheesy Bread was the most re-pinned pin as of July 2013?

30

days is the life span of a female Louse [Lice] She can lay 5-10 eggs [nits] per day which then hatch into a Nymph before becoming an adult and starting the cycle of a Lice infestation if not treated as soon as possible Scratch, scratch 1

in 4 parents admit they have driven without buckling up children Affluent, educated, and young parents are worst offenders . You know better, so do better

Growing up in Mandan, ND, with two younger brothers, Erin Arbogast enlisted in the Air National Guard as a traditional guardsmen her senior year of high school before earning a degree in Business Management through the University of Mary Erin feeds her creative outlet by cooking, baking, and doing projects around the house and is the first to admit she hits up Pinterest a lot She is a bit of a foodie, which most people discover within the first ten minutes of meeting her This fact alone almost led her to culinary school – twice Currently still serving our country as a full-time weather forecaster with the ND Air National Guard, Erin is also a new mom to Dominic [10 weeks] . Adjusting to her new-mom role, Erin still very much enjoys getting out of the house for exercise or hitting the gym with her favorite workout buddy and husband, Joshua

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

the one product i could be a spokesperson for…

Gloria Jean’s Coffee beans! My husband and I firmly believe they are the best coffee beans and because I’m limiting my caffeine I like to make that one cup really count!

the biggest personal change i’ve made since becoming a new mom…

is to put the needs of my son before my own personal needs. Finding time for a shower, haircut, workout, or even lunch, has been a challenge. one of the first things i want my son to experience… is laughter. I’m excited for him to laugh and interact with us during play.

my pregnancy was… surprisingly easy until the ninth month. That’s when I started to get really uncomfortable. when i was a little girl i wanted to grow up and be… a nurse, like my mother. I sometimes think I should have stuck to that plan; I enjoy taking care of people and no matter where you go it seems there’s always a need for nurses.

my biggest fear regarding labor & delivery that was no big deal…

I worried that it would be difficult and I would end up having a C-section. I was lucky, everything went smoothly. I had the most amazing nurses, and only labored for eight hours!

i am not embarrassed to admit…

I’ve had my first post-pregnancy adult beverage. I’m

breastfeeding so, yes, I was very careful to time it around my son’s schedule.

my mom was right about… everything. Seriously. i’m pretty good at… researching everything. I researched every baby

product and read numerous reviews before buying anything. I also read several baby books, articles, and attended a few classes with my hubby. We wanted to be as prepared as we could be as new parents.

my job gives me…

a challenge. Let’s face it, no forecaster is ever 100% accurate.

i can’t get enough of…

my son’s smiles and coos!

the one TV show i can’t miss…

Grey’s Anatomy or Game of Thrones. I really can’t miss either one!

the time of year i enjoy most…

it’s a tie between summer and fall. Both are beautiful times to be outside.

people might be surprised to know i… flew in an F-16.

the one word my husband would use to best describe me… amazing.

i’m a big believer in…

never taking anything for granted. My husband and I have endured several years of long distance, followed by difficulty getting pregnant. We are grateful for every minute we have together and every little smile [and frown] we get from our son.

three things i’m addicted to…

my son, my coffee, and the occasional Snickers blizzard.

my husband…

is an amazing father and my best friend. I absolutely love watching him interact with our son and I love that he makes me laugh every day. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. Love you, babe!

the new education standards common core:

story by | student success

what are the common core education standards?

These are nationalized standards that have been adopted by 45 of the 50 states at the present time. The purpose for the standards is to ensure that every state is working towards the same benchmarks in the core areas of reading and math at every grade level. These standards are very new to all of the states, North Dakota and Minnesota being no exceptions. The standards will be much more challenging for every student.

The standards were developed as the next logical step from “No Child Left Behind.” The goal is to make students in the United States more competitive educationally in a global economy where high standards of education are and will be needed.

how do they differ from previous standards?

The Common Core standards are the same for all 45 states that have adopted them. So instead of each state having its own set of standards, each of these 45 states will have the same exact standards in Reading and Math. Previously, for example, a child may have moved to a different state during the school year. The child may have never learned division in third grade in State “A” and might move to State “B” where division is expected to be covered during third grade. The child would be at a major disadvantage as soon as he steps into the new classroom. Common Core standards would eliminate much of this, if schools implement the standards as directed. It is also meant to be more on par with international standards of countries that have traditionally outperformed U.S. students on standardized assessments. Also, it would be much

easier for parents and schools to compare children's performance to students around the country and even around the world. Common standards and common assessments should allow parents to have a more realistic picture of where their child stands relative to the country and the globe.

who established these new standards?

The standards were developed by two main organizations. The National Governors Association and the Council of Chief State School Officers are the main contributors but have consulted with teachers, principals, leading educators, and other nations leading in the education arena.

have all states adopted these standards?

Not all states have adopted the Common Core standards. As mentioned previously, 45 out of 50 states are using these standards, North Dakota included. Minnesota has adopted the English/Reading portion of the common core but not the Math. The remaining states have complained that the Common Core was a creation of the federal government, which takes away states’ rights over what has traditionally been seen as a state issue.

Most states have adopted the Common Core because it is a major step towards receiving funding via the “Race to the Top” initiative put forth by the Obama administration. States have to prove that their standards meet the challenge required to be college and career ready. The Common Core is a convenient way to comply with this requirement.

how will the implementation of these new standards affect children of different ages [elementary, middle school, high school]?

The Common Core will dramatically increase the level of difficulty and expectations at each grade level. The transition will be hard on today’s students as they will be asked to perform more challenging tasks right away. An example of a first grade problem that will be seen on the new assessments: You collect pencils. Suppose you start out with 1. Mike gives you another 11 pencils. Maria gives you another 1 pencil. Tiffany gives you another 7 pencils. How many pencils do you have at the end? Where we as parents would have just been learning how to read in first grade, students will now be expected to solve multi-step word problems. A third grader will now be expected to solve a problem like this on the state assessment: You collect balls. Suppose you start out with 7. John takes half of one more than the number of balls you have. Since his mother makes

balls, Peter decides to triple your balls. How many balls do you have at the end? This student will have to be able to understand and apply fractions, addition, and multiplication within the same problem. The problem will also require that the student comprehend at a very high level of proficiency. These are basic examples of how both their math and reading skills will need to be higher functioning than before in order to succeed in today’s classroom.

Reading will also have significant shifts. It has been a long tradition for students to read much more fiction than non-fiction in school. The Common Core attempts to address this imbalance by requiring much more nonfiction throughout the curriculum. This would include books such as biographies, autobiographies, newspapers, journals, and informational texts. Students will also be expected to obtain a higher level of vocabulary, especially within the content areas.

One of the other issues for states is that teachers and administrators have not been fully trained on all of the new standards and how to teach them effectively.

This is very apparent by some states that have already assessed with the new Common Core state assessments. Minnesota announced that reading scores dropped significantly from the 2011-2012 school year versus the 2012-2013 reading assessment. In 2012 Minnesota students tested at 76% proficiency in reading. This number dropped to a staggering 58% proficiency in reading for 2013. This means that currently over 40% of the states’ students would not be considered proficient in reading according to the Common Core standards. Did students really regress this much in a year? No, it just reflects how rigorous the new standards will be. The State of New York had more sobering numbers that suggest that only 35% of all students graduating high school had a proficient score on the new Common Core state assessment. Only 31% scored proficient for grades 3-8 in reading. This all points to a much more demanding curriculum that will challenge students in unprecedented ways.

as a parent, how can i help my child be successful? The best thing parents can do is be proactive as much as

be looking to advance their child in reading and math so that the child is confident when he starts kindergarten. The pre-school that parents choose should be able to spell out for parents what academic skills students will learn and how that correlates with what they will need to know when they reach kindergarten. The pre-school must also be able to show if the student is mastering those skills through nationalized assessments. Too many pre-schools claim to have an academic foundation but are still under the old mode, which stressed play, with limited academics. Also, this will mean that some students will need additional resources if they are not meeting the standards. Parents should search for these resources to make sure that their child can keep up. Schools will most likely have difficulties initially because of the major transition. This can have negative consequences for students if, parents are not proactive in their approach.

how can student success help students and parents transition to these common core standards?

Student Success is built on the foundation that, if given the necessary tools, every student can succeed in today’s classroom. We have programs that specialize in solidifying foundational skills. We are highly effective at filling in any skill gaps that students may have. Our comprehensive skills assessment will point out the exact skills your child is missing, giving us the information we need in order to build the personalized instruction targeting those specific skills. Our main programs include math, reading, early reading, writing, ACT prep, homework help, and a new Pre-K class. Each is personalized to the individual student’s needs. We have developed these programs to align with the Common Core standards. While schools may not be able to modify their curricula to help every student, especially those who have skill deficits, Student Success’s individualized program will help to improve the student’s skill level so he can meet the common core benchmarks. We will also work hand-in-hand with the school and teacher to give your child the supplemental education that fits his needs.

life after cancer:

from fighting to surviving

When Kristin Erickson found out that the lump in her breast was cancer, she moved into “fighting mode.”

The 42-year-old busy mom, with two teen children at home, says Sanford Health’s embrace survivorship services at Roger Maris Cancer Center helped her move from active treatment to a life after cancer.

“For the first time in almost a year, life is getting back to normal,” says Kristin. “There are still physical signs that I went through chemo, but I’m positive and looking to the future.”

Kristin, who tested positive for a gene that made her likely to face breast and ovarian cancer, appreciated the seamless care she got throughout her treatments. Nurse navigators and a coordinated medical team at RMCC made sure she moved easily from appointment to appointment, for treatments that included a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, and a preventative hysterectomy.

When the treatments were done, Kristin’s life forever changed. Her outlook was positive, but her body and medical needs were different.

“Life is too short not to make the best out of every day,” she says.

Her team at Sanford Roger Maris Cancer Center referred her to Sanford’s embrace survivorship clinic to help her make new plans for the next phase of life – follow-up treatment and eventually reconstructive surgery.

Kristin says she knows there is a team, including doctors and physical therapists, social workers and dieticians, who can help with all her post-cancer needs.

“If I have a question or a concern, I know my team is there for me,” she says. “I’m never alone.”

photo: sanford health

pinterestwithapurpose

story by | kirsten jensen

Recently I was chatting with a friend. We talked about several of the home improvement projects she’s completed and our conversation moved to Pinterest. She asked me, “So, how many of your pins have you actually made?” At the time, I said that I had made a few things; but certainly not even a small fraction of the nearly 2,500 pins on my boards. For a moment I felt a little guilty. Why was I really spending time on Pinterest to create only a few of the items I’d pinned? Why do I love this addicting tool, anyway?  It inspired me to reflect on how I’m using Pinterest.

self-disclosure

One of my top strengths in the Gallup StrengthsFinder is “input” [learn more about the StrengthsFinder assessment at www.strengthsfinder.com]. I like to collect things and information most of all. Pinterest is a lovely, clutter-free way to indulge this strength and it gives me the ability to share at the same time.

I have to admit that I went through a phase where I was bored by Pinterest. It was after the initial obsession of madly repinning every tasty-sounding recipe and cute outfit and before I found the focus that would keep my interest. As I write this, I have 72 boards on Pinterest

with nearly 2,500 pins. Let me share the focuses that have created a sustainable purpose for Pinterest in my life and may help you as well [check out my Pinterest boards at www.pinterest.com/kmjensen27]:

share my obsessions My life’s quest involves several obsessions at any given time. I get great joy out of sharing what I learn with others. I have several boards that are meant to share what I’ve learned and inspire others:

• Leadership Books

• My Favorite Apps

• My Favorite Books

• Tea Lover

curate lists of things just because i love them Sometimes I just collect things because I love to look at them. They make me happy. Pinterest is a perfect, clutter-free way to collect things I love. Things that make me smile. Here are a few:

• For the Love of Dr. Seuss

• Penguins

• Trees

• Fargo

• Socks

collect inspiration Pinterest is a great place to gather and save the things that inspire you. To have a quick place to go refocus, center, get an attitude adjustment. Here are a few of my Pinterest refuges:

• Centering

• Peaceful

• Great Quotes

geek out I’m a self-proclaimed gadget girl. I love having a place to declare my love for my favorite gadgets or to dream of gadgets I might get someday:

• Geek

• Products I Love

• iPhone and iPad accessories

collect things that my kids love It’s a fun [and free!] mother-son activity to search for the things the boys love and “collect” them on Pinterest. A few of my boards have this inspiration:

• Legos

• Pokemon

• Adventure Time

food I do love all the recipes on Pinterest. I find I love it more by staying focused on particular types of cooking or baking that inspire me [I do also have a catch-all “food” board, if things don’t fit in these categories]. Or I’ll create a board just for that ingredient I have a ton of at a particular time, such as rhubarb. The “Everything Bundt” board was created as I searched for the perfect dish to bring to a bundt-themed potluck party:

• Crockpot

• Freezer Cooking

• Muffins

• Sweets

• Everything Bundt

• Rhubarb

inspire traditions and holiday fun Pinterest is clearly a treasure chest of great ideas for every holiday. I have found [and actually done!] some great activities with my boys. This Christmas we will be starting several new traditions inspired by others on Pinterest. I hope these traditions will help us enjoy more of the holidays and create lasting memories for my boys:

• Traditions

• One for each holiday [Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween, etc.]

So it’s true that I’ve only made a handful or two of crafts and recipes from Pinterest. But it certainly has inspired me to try more recipes and crafts than I would have otherwise. And I have found so many ways to get joy and inspiration from this social tool—and I hope you will too. Thanks, Pinterest!

Raised in Fosston, MN, Kirsten moved to Fargo-Moorhead to attend Concordia College and has made it her home ever since.  She is married and a proud mom to two boys, Davis [9] and Reid [5], who provide the best Facebook status updates.  This past year Kirsten has rekindled her love of writing through her blog, www.kirstensdigitallife.com, which often features posts combining her two favorite topics - technology and parenting. Kirsten's deep passion for the intersection of communication and technology led her to Onsharp, where she is currently Director of Digital Marketing.  Her current obsessions are apps, audiobooks, tea, and meditation.

you,yourkiddo,andlice buggin’out…

could not care less where you live or what school you go to. You human? Have a head? Perfect! Lice like you!

story by | otmom

Nobody…I repeat NOBODY…wants the call or letter announcing their kiddo has or was exposed to…LICE!

[pause to allow for head scratching]

But odds are very good that if you have kiddos, ages 3 to 12 [especially girls], you will have an encounter with these wingless parasitic insects that feed on blood from the scalp.

[longer pause to allow head scratching]

So, when it comes to these burdensome pests, what do you need to know…

you ain’t special Lice have nothing to do with personal hygiene or popularity status. They don’t check your tax returns and

The staff at Lil Whipper Snippers in Fargo saw a real need to carry a product line targeting head lice after seeing an increased number of kids coming in for “just a trim” and having head lice, unbeknownst to their parents. They would send clients to the pharmacy for traditional treatments and they would continually hear about cases that wouldn’t go away!

Traditional treatments are becoming less effective due to the resilience of lice. Lice have transformed into “superbugs” making current pesticide treatments far less effective than they were 10-15 years ago. Enter Nit Picky and AirAlle Louse Buster—a kid-friendly treatment that kills over 99% of lice eggs while using pesticide free-products and controlled heated air. Hundreds of

Not knowing and employing the secrets of college planning and funding could literally cost you thousands of dollars!

We can help, contact us for a FREE ONE HOUR CONSULATION.

Ryan Keel

701.361.7635

www.gocollegesmart.com

local families have used Lil Whipper Snippers' products with success.

the best defense is a good offense

How about not getting lice…ever! Ok, we can’t guarantee never getting head lice, but there are preventative measures you can take. First, talk to your kiddos about not sharing brushes, hats, or hoodies. Then if you find out head lice have made their way to your school or daycare, check out Nit Picky’s preventive line of hair care, including shampoo, conditioner, hair mist, gel, and detangler. Their all-natural components ward off infestation without harsh chemicals. One of the main components is peppermint oil. Lice are attracted to our human smell. Peppermint, along with other essential oils such as tea tree, rosemary, or lavender, is strong enough to repel lice.

they’re here

OK, now what? Well, first…DON’T PANIC! Then, skip the pharmacy pesticide lice killers – they are becoming less effective due to the resilience of lice, as mentioned before.

Use proven products that are pesticide free and actually GOOD for your hair! Lil Whipper Snippers has treated and sold their products to hundreds of families…none have had unsuccessful results! The products are extremely effective and, when used properly and thoroughly, will leave you with lice-free hair that hasn’t been poisoned by pesticides.

Lastly, do not go overboard with cleaning your home. Lice die within 24-36 hours once they're off the head. Leaving items in bags for weeks isn’t unnecessary. High heat washing and drying is sufficient, as well as thorough vacuuming. Boiling hair items will do, throwing them away is not necessary.

the rules

You may be surprised to know there isn’t a universal policy regarding lice and school attendance. Some schools enforce a strict "No Nits" policy, which means a kiddo with any number of nits at all in her hair cannot attend school. Other schools don’t view nits as an “active infestation” and feel keeping kids out of school for a few nits is more detrimental than helpful. Do you know what your school’s policy is? Find out and follow it!

For more information contact the extremely educated staff at Lil Whipper Snippers [701.364.0909 and www.lilwhippersnippers.com] or Nit Picky [701.318.9770 and www.nitpickyfargo.com]. Or visit them both at 2511 Kirsten Lane S, Fargo [corner of 32nd Ave S].

prairie roots food coop… meals, community & more

story by | otmom

Let’s face it…times have changed, right? We’re busy and need to get breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the table NOW. So, maybe there are things in the list of ingredients that we can’t pronounce and it came from a warehouse thousands of miles away—they’re safe, right? Besides, even if we wanted to feed our family more locally grown, organic, healthy meals, we don’t even know where to start, right?

WRONG! Now you have the opportunity to be a part of the Prairie Roots Food Cooperative! Say good-bye to foods from Timbuktu filled with who-knows-what. And say hello to nutritious meats, vegetables, and household and

personal care items produced by responsible individuals from right here in the Red River Valley.

Since an initial public meeting in 2010, Prairie Roots Food Cooperative has been dedicated to building a healthy community. By structuring as a cooperative, members actually OWN Prairie Roots…not investors. A lifetime household membership [yes lifetime…not monthly or yearly…LIFETIME membership] is only $300 and there are a variety of payment plans, ranging from $25 every six months to payment in full as a founding member. Each member holds a share of common stock in the cooperative. This local, democratic ownership and governance through an elected board of directors

provides member-based decisions which benefit you at the dinner table and beyond:

nutrition consciousness As parents we are always trying to instill life lessons that will become second nature to our kiddos. Providing nutritious meals now can ensure our kiddos make those healthy decisions when we’re not around. Prairie Roots Food Cooperative provides easy access to natural, organic, and local foods. It’s a fact that the most nutritious organic food is the food which travels the least distance. Currently Prairie Roots provides items such as meat [chicken, turkey, beef, lamb], seasonal fruit and vegetables, honey, fresh-baked bread, mushrooms, grains, and other specialty items from producers within a 150-mile radius of Fargo-Moorhead. Another benefit of the Prairie Roots Food Cooperative is you know where your food comes from and who produced it because each supplier of the coop has a bio online [www.localfoodmarketplace.com/ prairieroots/Farmers].

choices, choices Unlike a CSA [Community Supported Agriculture], where you pay a fee and receive a box of produce periodically for a period of time, Prairie Roots Coop provides choices. Through the online store [www. localfoodmarketplace.com/prairieroots], members are able to choose weekly the items they want, pay for those items, and then pick them up. The long-term goal is to open a full-line retail store in the Red River Valley. The store will be a place where you do all your weekly grocery shopping from products that are selected with natural, organic, and local producers in mind.

community impact The obvious benefit of being a part of the Prairie Roots Food Cooperative is a community fueled on healthy, locally grown and produced food, but it goes further than that. There is an economic impact. Your hard-earned dollars support hard-working local farmers and producers. Statistics show that for every $1,000 spent at a food coop, $1,600 is generated in the local economy. Prairie Roots Food Coop members are supporting a business that provides local jobs and whose profits stay in the community. There is also an environmental impact. The full-line retail store will be very earth friendly, offering items in bulk bins rather than prepackaged quantities, enabling customers to purchase exactly as much as they need and minimize

waste. The store will also serve as an education hub, offering a variety of classes.

So there you have it! To learn more and start your membership today, visit their website at www.prairieroots.coop and follow them on facebook [www.facebook. com/prairieroots]. Becoming a Prairie Roots Food Cooperative member is easy and it just makes sense.

Prairie Roots Food Cooperative www.prairie-roots.coop info@prairie-roots.coop www.facebook.com/prairieroots

october events

10, 17, 24 & 31

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org/

ClassesAndEvents

Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Each month Safe Kids Fargo/Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with using their car seats correctly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

3 & 26

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 6pm-8pm on the 3rd and 9am-11am on the 26th at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr, Fargo].

5

10, 17, 24 & 31

Up with Downs Buddy Walk

www.upwithdownsfargo.com

www.facebook.com/

Buddywalkfargo

Join us in celebrating and promoting the understanding and acceptance of all people with Down syndrome! This fun walk at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo] starts at 10am [registration 9am].

10

Safe Kids Car Seat Check-Up

701.780.1856

www.safekidsgf.org

Did you know that 4 out 5 car seats are used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is free and no appointments are necessary. Come to Rydell's [2700 South Washington St, Grand Forks], 4pm-7pm, and certified car seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

Journeying Through Grief

701.356.1500

www.hrrv.org

A four-session workshop for those recently bereaved. At Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St. S, Fargo] from 5:30pm-7pm. $20 per person and registration is required.

12

Community Baby Shower

www.fargolibrary.org

All new and expectants parents are welcome for a morning of fun at the Main Fargo Public Library [102 3rd St. N – Downtown]. Learn to make confident, healthy decisions from experts in our community, get your baby on the road to reading, and enjoy refreshments, door prizes, a small craft & other fun activities. 10a-noon.

12

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art but hate the mess? Bring your child to these FREE interactive art programs to have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials

will be provided and adult supervision required. Program is at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] from 1pm-3pm.

12

Hoppin’ Hoedown

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Moms, step-moms, grandmas and aunts, bring your favorite cowboy to this hoedown party. Spend time together dancing to music, playing western games, making crafts and having snacks. Come out in your favorite western style outfit or casual attire. There will be a photographer to take, your western photos and print them out on site for you to take home. There will also be rootbeer floats and other refreshments available for snacking. Photographer will be on site to take special photos. Photo orders will be taken on site. Tickets on sale September 24th at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

14 & 15

Women’s Business Summit

www.trainingnd.com

This Summit, held at the Bismarck Civic Center [315 S 5th St, Bismarck, ND] will feature two intense days of training, net-

working, business-growth opportunities, personal development, professional focus, and of course…. Fun! Whether a professional in the workplace, a business owner, or simply a woman aspiring to improve herself, you will be able to choose a customized learning track that fits your needs with 20+ breakout sessions available to choose from. Keynote speaker, Julie Aigner Clark, the founder of Baby Einstein, will share her story and insights.

19

Art & Wine Walk

www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council, the Greater Grand Forks Convention and Visitors Bureau, local businesses, and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm.

25

RACC Harvest Moon Fling

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot [1080 28th Ave S, Moorhead] from

7pm-11pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

25

Fargo Force Family Fun Night

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Come on out for a night of family fun and watch the Force Take on Team USA

U-18 at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo] $1 hotdogs and pop all night. Puck drops at 7:05pm

26

Boo @ the Zoo

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Get your scare on with all the animals at the Red River Zoo!

26

Moonlight Monster Mash

www.fargoparks.com

Vampires, ghosts and skeletons welcome 6:30pm-9pm at Fargo Youth Commission [2500 18th St S, Fargo]. All participants are encouraged to wear a costume and dance the night away. Explore the haunted attic, play ghoulish games, and trick-or-treat for some spooky snacks. Enjoy a live DJ all night long and a spooktacular entertainment show by magician Jeffery Salveson at 7:30pm. $3.00 admission [ages 2 & under are free] and parental supervision required.

31

BOO-nanzaville

701.282.2822

www.bonanzaville.org

Head to Bonazaville [1351 W Main Ave, West Fargo], 5pm-11pm for Haunted Tram Tours on site to learn more about the ghosts of Boo-nanzaville!

31

Community Halloween Carnival

www.fargoparks.com

Head to Courts Plus Community Fitness [3491 S University Dr, Fargo] for a free Halloween carnival. The event will be a mix of carnival games and inflatables from Games Galore. All youth will receive a free Halloween bag for attending while supplies last. For more information contact Wayne Herrick at 237-4805 or wherrick@ courtsplus.org.

31

Black Cat Bash

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Calling all little pumpkins to an evening of fun at Choice Health & Fitness [4401 S 11th St, Grand Forks] 5:30pm-7:30pm!

Spooky stories, crafts and games will make this party the scream of the season! Be sure to come dressed in your costume! Admission is one non-perishable food item per person.

november events

2

Youth Journeys

701.356.1500

www.hrrv.org

A day filled with activities and support for young people ages 6-18 who have had someone they love die. Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St. S, Fargo] from 9am-3:30pm. Registration is required event is free of charge.

7

North Dakota Heart Gallery

www.ndheartgallery.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo], 5pm-7pm to celebrate the unveiling of this captivating portrait exhibit of North Dakota’s children who are hoping to find a “forever family,” and to learn more about foster parenting and adoption in North Dakota.

7 & 20

Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed

for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment and be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30-8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

9

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art but hate the mess? Bring your child to these FREE interactive art programs to have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials will be provided and adult supervision required. Program is at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] from 1pm-3pm.

9 & 10

Grand Forks Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Find something for everyone on your list at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

Friday 4pm-9pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Sunday 11am-4pm.

9 & 10 Holiday Homes of Hope

800.767.3593

www.cfanorthdakota.com

Support the Cystic Fibrosis Association of ND and checkout 3 beautiful area homes filled with holiday cheer courtesy of Rustic Trunk at the Holiday Homes of Hope fundraiser. Fargo, ND.

9-11, 16-18, & 23-24

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

218.284.2345

www.moorheadtheater.com

www.moorhead.k12.mn.us

Don’t miss Moorhead High School’s award winning theatre department presentation of The 25th Annual Putnam Country Spelling Bee. Local celebrity "guest spellers" will join the theater's performers each night. Tickets: $6 students [ages 18 and under]

$10 adults [ages 19 and over. The show starts at 7:30pm.

10

Zoolute to Soldiers

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Free Admission to the Zoo for veterans 10am-5pm.

10–17

2014 US Olympic Curling Trials

www.scheelsarena.com

www.usacurl.org

Watch teams compete at the Scheels Arena for their chance to represent the United States at the 2014 Winter Olympics.

11

2D/3D Safari Extravaganza

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Investigae the Museum’s galleries to find the magical and mysterious in art! This All-Day Art Camp inspires you to delve into learning printmaking, sculptures, painting and ceramics. For ages: 1st-4th grade. Class Fee: $48 members/$60 non-members.

13

Child Passenger Safety

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment and be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

16

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day

Camp

701.364.1738

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

17

Art-Mania

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Calling all art lovers ages 6-12! Be creative, get messy and have fun while making several works of art at Veterans Memorial Arena

[1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] 1pm-3pm! Art projects will include jewelry making, wood art and fun crafts items. Learn new art techniques while experimenting with watercolors, paints, chalks and pastels. This is a FREE event.

19

Breakfast with Santa Tickets on Sale

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Tickets on sale at 8am at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] for a morning of breakfast, crafts and entertainment with Santa and Mrs. Clause on December 7st, 14th & 21st at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St. S]. Advanced tickets $5 for ages 2 & up.

22

Fargo Force Ladies Night

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Shop vendor booths around the concourse during the game. Enjoy beer specials too. Puck Drops at 7:05pm at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo]

22-24

Fargo Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Find something for everyone on your list at the Fargo Civic Auditorium. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

Friday 4pm-9pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Sunday 11am-4pm.

26

Xcel Energy Holiday Lights Parade

Kick off the holidays with the annual Holiday Lights Parade. Starts at 6:30pm!

30

Santa Village Opens @ Rheault Farm

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! November 30th & December 1st 1pm-7pm, December 7th& 8th 1pm-7pm, 11th -13th 4pm-8pm, 14th& 15th 1pm-8pm, 18th-20th 4pm-8pm, 21st & 22nd 1pm-8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, toy or cash donation.

december events

1-31

Lindenwood Park Lights

www.fmsertoma.com

Drive through the park and view holiday light displays sponsored by local businesses.

North Pole Calling

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus, who will be more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Calls will be made from 5pm-7pm. Register your child today!

2

CPR for Family Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, 6pm-8pm & receive an American Heart Association participation card.

1, 7, 8, 11-13, 14, 15, 18-20, 21& 22

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides!

December 1st 1pm-7pm, December 7th&

8th 1pm-7pm, 11th -13th 4pm-8pm, 14th& 15th 1pm-8pm, 18th-20th 4pm-8pm, 21st & 22nd 1pm-8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, toy or cash donation.

5-8, 12-15, & 20-23

Santa Village @ Lincoln Park Golf Course

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Park Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks!  Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two or take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned

trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

6-8

Bismarck Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Find something for everyone on your list at the Bismarck Civic Center. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota! Friday 4pm-9pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Sunday 11am-4pm.

7

Christmas on The Prairie

701.282.2822

www.bonanzaville.com

Enjoy a beautifully decorated Bonanzaville with cookie decorating, Christmas carolers, horse drawn wagon rides, music, desserts and photos with Santa. 1pm-7pm.

7 & 14

Jaws, Paws, and Lunch with Santa Claus 701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Kick off the holiday season at the Zoo! Enjoy lunch at the zoo, free carousel rides, animal encounters, holiday crafts and even meet the big guy himself...Santa! Each family will receive a complimentary photograph with Santa and a special gift. $15 adults, $10 children members receive $2 off per ticket. Limited tickets. Purchase in advance. 11am-1:30pm.

7, 14 & 21

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043

www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly in to meet all the good boys & girls!

9

15

Guilty Mom Gathering

701.388.6328

www.facebook.com/pages/ marilyn-mcMurry

Are you a guilty mom? Do you compare yourself to other moms and feel less than? If you do, this is a gathering just for you! Be inspired, be motivated and know you are not alone. Together, we will find support and start owning our mom power! To register, call or email today. mmcmurray@cableone.net

11

Bowls for Babies

701.235.5530

www.marchofdimes.com/northdakota

March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.

Skating with Santa

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Skate to Christmas music while visiting Santa at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. Hot chocolate & refreshments will be served. A canned food item for the Fargo-Moorhead Food Pantry will be your ticket to get in.

19

& 30 Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment and be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30-8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

21

Lorie Line & Fab Five

701.777.4090

www.cfa.und.edu.com

Once again a Lorie Line holiday extravaganza! Expect all the elements: signature musical arrangements, colorful costumes, stories, world-class musicians and bells performed at the Chester Fritz Auditorium on the campus of UND at 3pm. Tickets: $49.

preneur

The story of MODE is not your typical retail narrative In 2006, seeing a growing need for fashionable maternity apparel, both comfortable and fashion forward, Ciara Stockeland [34], along with her husband Jim, decided to open their first retail store, Mama Mia—a high-end maternity boutique, in downtown Fargo, ND With no retail experience, but an attitude of tenacity, Mama Mia was off to a fast start By the end of the year Ciara was approached by a company storing a large quantity of designer overstock product that needed to be liquidated Without hesitation, Ciara and Jim opened a second retail store next door to Mama Mia and called it MODE This store was intended to be a short-term retail setup, but very soon proved to be a booming business By the fall of 2007 they knew they had something unique and less than a year later merged the two retail concepts and MODE was born — a designer outlet in a boutique environment Today Ciara and husband make their home in Grand Forks, with kids Harrison [10] and Isabella [8] and continue to manage and open additional store locations while growing a franchised business

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

ciara

where did the name MODE come from?

My husband and I were sitting at our dining room table trying to decide on a name for this ‘temporary pop up’ store. Jim actually thought of the name. MODE is french for fashion.

is fargo the only MODE store location?

No. MODE Fargo is our only company-owned store. We also have franchised locations in Grand Forks, ND, Bismarck, ND, and Sioux Falls, SD, with franchises under development in Minnesota and Kansas. explain the new franchise business opportunity?

A potential MODE Franchisee has the opportunity to own a MODE store. We give them the opportunity to unlock the vault of MODE business success secrets! They would have the opportunity to buy designer product at a fraction of the original wholesale cost and we give them the chance to bring this up-andcoming retail concept to their own city.

who are you looking to partner with in the franchise model?

We are looking for other women who are ready to be mompreneurs. Women who are willing to work hard and be hands on in their own MODE store. They need to be ready to get involved in a great concept at ground level and help build the MODE brand with other women around the country.

what is a typical day like for you?

Like any business owner, my days are very busy. Because MODE is now not only just a one-store operation in Fargo, but a growing Franchise Brand, a typical day for me includes: connecting with my team members/staff on their departments and projects they have going, talking to prospective franchisees around

the country, research on brand development and potential store locations, networking with developers and other business people locally and around the country, talking to designers about product, walking through our Fargo store to make sure it is being efficiently run, and vision casting for MODE company growth. I am on the phone much of the day and generally have my email open and active all day long.

mompreneur

what makes MODE different?

I know that we have the best product on the market. There is NO other retail concept like MODE in the nation, which makes us very unique. As a store concept: there are boutiques popping up a dime a dozen around the country, but a MODE store sells to the consumer the same products every other boutique is carrying at a fraction of the price. As for product: one of our trademarks is that MODE is the “Home of the $40 Designer Jean” and this is just one example of how MODE constantly works to set ourselves apart from the pack. We are not typical retail. We offer quality, current, sought-after designer product but we offer it to consumers at a price everyone can afford.

what brands/designers do you carry?

Our selection really varies, which makes MODE unique as well. Consumers are constantly surprised when they come into a MODE store by the new designers and products we carry. There are some brands that are a constant but then we are always introducing new designers as well.

what size range do you keep in stock?

We carry xs – 2XL and in our denim we stock sizes 0-16. In our Bismarck and Sioux Falls locations we also carry plus-size denim and apparel. do you have a most popular item that continues to sell out?

Our denim! At $40 our customers know that MODE needs to be their first destination for jeans. Where else can you get 3 pairs of designer jeans for under $150??

where do you see MODE in five years?

In five years MODE will dot the landscape of the Midwest with MODE stores from Winnipeg to Texas. what advice would you give other women considering the mompreneur title?

It’s hard work! You have to be willing to dedicate your life to your business. This doesn’t mean you can’t relax and enjoy time away from work, but you need to realize that to make a business successful it requires sacrifice and you really need to live and breathe it – especially in its infant stage. You need to know and understand your customer and you cannot do this if you detach yourself from your business.

if we peeked inside your closet, what might we be surprised to find?

Stacks of denim!! Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised! I LOVE jeans! I think you would be surprised to find that my wardrobe is actually quite minimal. Other than my jeans, I purge my closet constantly and keep my wardrobe pieces to a minimum. do you have a strongest mompreneur skill?

My strongest skill I think is being able to take something and add value to it. We did that with our truckload of merchandise and I do that every day with each new opportunity we are presented. I am definitely a glass-half-full type of gal! what is something we might not know about you?

I grew up in Fargo with one sister and was home schooled through high school. Home schooling gave me the opportunity to meet many people and be involved in many opportunities at a young age. what single fashion item should every mom/woman have in her closet?

A good pair of jeans…from MODE, of course. what keeps you motivated?

The obligations I have to others. I take my role and responsibility very seriously.

To my husband: my obligation to be a great wife and best friend to him comes before anything.

To my kids: I want to be a great mom, a fun mom, and I want them to remember that although I LOVE my job I love them more.

To my employees: I want them to have successful careers. I want to keep building a company that one day they will be proud to have been a part of since day one.

To my franchisees: I know what a huge step it is to own a business. I want each of our MODE stores to be 100% successful and so I am constantly looking for ways to improve our model.

To my customers: if it were not for those loyal customers who came through the door on our first day of MODE and have stuck with me, we would not be where we are today. I want to always make MODE a great place for them to shop.

MODE Store Fargo 4302 13th Ave S Fargo [across form TJ Maxx]

701.478.9969 www.shopmodestore.com

Hours: Mon-Sat 10a–5:30p Thurs 10a–7p

MODE Corporate 701.478.5858

Facebook: www.facebook.com/shopmodestore

michelle warren photography

tiny sprout photography

timeless images photography

kayla walter photography

kayla walter photography

michelle warren photography

rialee photography

tiny sprout photography

timeless images photography

shutter bug

where are they now

julie kottsick

the life in her years

photos: otmom | dani parkos fluge

We first met Julie Kottsick and her family, husband Bud and children Evan and Carly [now 16 and 14 years old], back in 2008 when we featured their story in the second issue of On The Minds Of Moms Magazine.

Julie has ALS, a progressive neurodegenerative disease which attacks nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord that control voluntary muscles—muscles used to walk, talk, and breathe. It’s been nine years since Julie first noticed weakness in her left hand, a virtually undetectable slur in her voice, and a slight loss of balance. Even though ALS has robbed her of physical abilities, she greets everyone with a smile that reflects her beauty inside and out, and continues to seize every day.

what are some of your highlights of the last five years?

I have to go with the obvious: I’m still here. Nine years after being diagnosed with ALS, facing a statistic of a two-to-five-year lifespan, I’m happy to be an active participant and witness in my family’s life. We have been able to take several mini-vacations. Extended travel has gotten very difficult for me, but a few long weekends out of town have been a great alternative.

how has your health been?

Stable. With ALS stable is as good as it gets, so we feel blessed that the last three or four years I have remained steady. The lack of mobility is easier to handle emotionally than the fact that I can’t speak clearly. I guess after all my years of talking it is time to listen. Overall, I feel healthy and I am not in any pain.

what are your goals for the coming years?

Initially my goal was to see my son get into high school and my daughter into middle school. Since we surpassed that goal, I hope to see both kids graduate from high school and continue on their life journey. I would like to be around long enough to be their friend.

what do you hope people know about you?

I am truly joyful. We love to laugh in our home; especially at ourselves. Life is short…regardless of circumstances.

when it comes to your family, what makes

you beam with pride?

We have a family mission statement, “Practice gratitude, lend a hand, you can make a difference and give us all a reason for hope.” I feel as though we really have learned to live by this statement. Watching our kids grow into empathetic, compassionate people, with a real zest for life, is our greatest blessing.

how do you continue to ‘seize the day?’

“Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” - Robert

Brault

Every day new opportunities to find joy and beauty arise. I strive to keep my heart and mind open.

Read Julie’s winter 2008 cover story in its entirety here: http://www.onthemindsofmoms.com/past-issues/

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

by moms, for moms, about moms

winter two thousand eight

tested… time

is acupuncture right for you?

story by | dr. scott van dam

Acupuncture originates from China and has been practiced there for thousands of years. Although there are records of acupuncture being used hundreds of years ago in Europe, it was during the second half of the 20th century that it began to spread rapidly in Western Europe, the United States, and Canada. Even though acupuncture is commonly used on its own for some conditions, it is becoming very popular as a combination treatment by doctors in Western Europe and North America. The use of acupuncture to alleviate pain and nausea after surgery is becoming more widespread. Even the US Air Force began teaching “Battlefield Acupuncture” to physicians deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan in early 2009. With this increased acceptance and usage, most people have a basic knowledge of acupuncture, but do you really know what it is?

So what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word acupuncture? Needles? Yes, acupuncture involves the insertion of very thin needles through the skin at specific points on the body, but why?

Traditional Chinese medicine explains that health is the result of a harmonious balance of the complementary extremes of yin and yang of the life force known as Qi [pronounced chee]. Qi is said to flow through meridians or pathways in the human body. Illness occurs when there is an imbalance or blockage of Qi in the meridians. Through 350 acupuncture points in the body meridians and energy flows may be accessed. If needles are inserted into these points with appropriate combinations, energy flow can be brought back into proper balance.

In Western societies and several other parts of the world, acupuncture is explained including concepts of neuroscience. Acupuncture points are seen by Western practitioners as places where nerves, muscles, and connective tissue can be stimulated. Acupuncture practitioners say that the stimulation increases blood flow while at the same time triggering the activity of our own body’s natural painkillers.

does it work?

Some studies have concluded that acupuncture offers similar benefits to a patient as a placebo; others have

indicated that there are some real benefits. It is very difficult to devise clinical studies that measure the effectiveness of acupuncture against a placebo, as well as create a definitive list of conditions in which acupuncture may be effective. However, the World Health Organization [WHO], which is a United Nations’ agency responsible for coordinating international health activities and helping governments improve health services, states that acupuncture is effective for treating 28 conditions, while evidence indicates it may have an effective therapeutic value for many more [view the WHO review at http://apps.who.int/medicinedocs/en/d/ Js4926e/5.html]. Studies have indicated that acupuncture may help in treating conditions such as:

• low-back pain [the SPINE trial]

• fibromyalgia [Mayo Clinic trials]

• migraines, post-operative dental pain [the Cochrane review]

• hypertension [Center for Integrative Medicine at UC Irvine study]

• tension headaches and/or migraines [Technical University of Munich, Germany, study]

• osteoarthritis [researchers at the University Medical Center in Berlin, Germany]

• xerostomia [severe dry mouth] among patients treated with radiation for head and neck cancer [University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center]

Other studies have shown that acupuncture relieves chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting and may help women with painful periods, as well as help indigestion and nausea symptoms commonly experienced by pregnant women.

Acupuncture has also been shown to increase fertility rates by 28% in women with menstrual-cycle irregularities. Another study showed acupuncture treatments performed twice a week for four weeks significantly increase blood flow to the uterus, which may explain the increase in pregnancy rates. In the Journal of Traditional Chinese Medicine a study examined the effects of acupuncture on stimulating ovulation and regulating ovulatory problems. The researchers concluded that acupuncture seems to increase progesterone levels and regulate female hormone [Follicle Stimulating Hormone, Luteinizing Hormone, and Estradiol] levels.

This study involved 30 acupuncture treatments and had an 82.35% effective rate.

how’s it done?

Acupuncture generally involves several weekly or every 2-week treatments. Most courses consist of up to 12 sessions. A visit to an acupuncturist will involve an exam and assessment of the patient’s condition, the insertion of needles, and advice on self-care.

For the actual treatment, the patient will be asked to lie either face up, face-down, or on his/her side, depending on where the needles are inserted. The acupuncturist should use single-use disposable sterile needles. As each needle is inserted the patient should feel them, but initially without pain. However, when the needle reaches the right depth there should be a pressure sensation. Sometimes the needles are heated or stimulated electrically after insertion. Once inserted, the needles will remain there for about 20 minutes.

First-time patients are usually apprehensive about the thought that acupuncture is painful. They are often surprised that they feel nothing or less than a

mosquito bite when the treatment is done. Many are also surprised to know that electrical acupuncture can be performed instead of needles, if they choose.

who’s it for?

In general, acupuncture is safe and well tolerated by patients. To ensure proper treatment, first choose an acupuncturist who is certified or licensed, which means that he/she has higher education in acupuncture healthcare and has taken an exam to show proficiency in diagnosis and treatment. The patient’s condition then needs to be evaluated to determine if it is an acupuncture-treatable condition. Acupuncture is contraindicated over points where there is focal infection, skin lesions, or tumors.

Acupuncture has stood the test of time and continues to grow in popularity. Will you give it a try?

sources:

Christian Nordqvist. (2009, July 6). “What is Acupuncture? What Are The Benefits Of Acupuncture?” Medical News Today.

Dr. Scott Van Dam is a chiropractic physician and certified acupuncturist at Van Dam Chiropractic, 2701 9th Ave. SW, Suite 800, Fargo, ND 58103.

lizards, puppies, and birds…

considerations for choosing a pet

story by | dr. teri-lee james and dr. tracie hoggarth

Getting a pet can be a wonderful and exciting endeavor. However, there are a few things to consider before welcoming a furry, feathered, or scaled friend into your family.

budget

The initial adoption fee or purchase price of a pet will vary widely depending on species and breed of the animal and where the animal is coming from. It is important to realize, however, that the initial expense of acquiring a pet is a very small percentage of the total cost of owning and caring for that animal appropriately throughout his life.

Determine your available budget for pet-care costs. Be sure to consider costs associated with basic husbandry of the animal, including food, enclosures [kennels, fences, etc.], toys, and accessories [leashes, collars, litter boxes]. You should also consider the cost of socialization and/or obedience classes, particularly if you are getting a dog, and pet day care or other pet-sitting services if needed.

Finally, make sure that you will be able to cover the cost of veterinary care. Routine preventative veterinary care, including annual wellness exams [biannual exams, recommended for older pets, pets with chronic medical conditions, and exotic species], vaccinations, monthly parasite preventatives, de-sexing procedures [recommended for most dogs, cats, and rabbits], and routine dental cleanings, will be fairly easy to budget for, as it will be similar from year to year. Setting up an emergency fund for your pet and purchasing a pet insurance policy are great ways to prepare for any unexpected illness or injury.

Now that the practical job of setting a budget is done you can begin focusing on which pet is the right one for your family!

time commitment

All pets require a commitment of time, particularly upon introduction into a new home. Young animals, regardless of species or breed, are typically the most time consuming, as they will need to be socialized and

trained and generally require more supervision. Young animals will also require more frequent veterinary visits, particularly in the first 12 months of life. Adult animals may already be trained or require less exercise than a young animal would, however, they may come with additional behavioral or health issues that require unexpected commitments of time.

Dogs, birds, cats, and ferrets generally require the most care and need consistent social interaction with their owners, although cats and ferrets can also be fairly independent and are generally able to be alone for longer periods of time than most dogs and birds. Small mammals, such as rabbits and rodents, also require consistent daily care but may not need or enjoy as much social interaction. Most species of reptile, amphibian, and fish have very specific husbandry needs [temperature and humidity control, highly specialized diets, etc.], however, once their environment is set up appropriately they have minimal daily care needs and may not require any type of social interaction.

When adopting a pet you should also consider the long-term time commitment. Dogs and cats can live well into their teens [with smaller breed dogs and some cats living beyond 20 years of age]; many species of birds and reptiles have life spans similar to ours; and most small mammals are considered geriatric at around two years of age. Make sure that you are willing and able to support a pet emotionally and financially throughout

rules and restrictions

Check your building and neighborhood rules or guidelines for pet ownership, as well as the city and state government, to be sure that you are allowed to keep the type and number of pets that you are planning for. This is particularly important if you are considering something other than a dog or cat.

At this point you have likely decided upon a dog, cat, or exotic pet based upon your budget, availability of time, and the regulations where you live. It is now time to narrow down the options!

space and lifestyle

If you have decided on an exotic species it is time to decide where in your home you will keep the enclosure. Big birds, rabbits, guinea pigs, and ferrets need large enclosures and will likely also need some additional room to exercise. Smaller birds and rodents, reptiles, amphibians, and fish typically stay in their enclosures the majority of time and require less space. All exotic species need quiet areas protected from drafts and direct sun.

If you are planning to get a cat you will need to find space for a cat tree or other type of climbing and hiding structure, a place for food and water, and appropriate locations for litter boxes in quiet, low-traffic areas in the home. It is recommended that you provide one litter box per cat plus one additional [example: 1 cat = 2 litter boxes, 4 cats = 5 litter boxes]. If your cat will be going outdoors it is best to provide them with some type of

fenced in, covered enclosure versus allowing them to run free. This will help prevent infectious disease transmission and predation and keep them safe from big dogs and cars!

If a dog is the pet for you then first consider the size of your home and yard and the activity level of your family. Generally, small dogs need less space, but they can also be very active and will need some room to run around or at least frequent walking. It is also important to consider your expectations for the dog. Do you want a hunting or running partner? Do you spend a lot of time at the lake and want a dog who enjoys swimming or a dog who is a great traveling companion? It is also important to consider how much time you are willing to spend grooming your pet. All dogs [and cats too!] need their teeth brushed regularly and require routine nail trimming, ear cleaning, bathing, and brushing. Some breeds also necessitate professional grooming.

finding your pet

Now that you have done your research and are ready to welcome a pet into your family, start contacting local and regional animal rescue organizations to see if there

are pets available for adoption in your area. Many rescue organizations have a variety of young and old, mixed and purebred animals available for adoption. There are also specific agencies that take in exotic pets and breed-specific rescues which are sometimes willing to transport animals to other parts of the country to place them into a good home. You can also contact a reputable breeder if you are considering a purebred dog or cat or exotic pet. Most breeders are happy for you to visit their facilities and introduce you to the parents and other relatives of your potential pet.

There are many aspects that should be considered before adding a pet to the family, but the rewards are immeasurable and well worth the time and energy needed to prepare for your new pet’s arrival!

Dr. Teri-Lee James and Dr. Tracie Hoggarth co-own and operate Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital in West Fargo, which is a small animal and exotic pet veterinary practice. The highly trained doctors and staff at Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital understand that pets are beloved members of the family. They work with clients to provide quality, compassionate medical care for their animal companions. For more information, visit www.tworiversveterinaryhospital.com or www. facebook.com/TwoRiversVeterinaryHospital.

Born and raised in Grand Forks, ND, John grew up the youngest of three boys He graduated from Concordia College before attending Medical School at the University of North Dakota John continued his quest in specialized medicine when he spent six years in North Carolina for neurosurgery training before moving back to North Dakota, where he currently shares a home with Kara, a fellow MD in Neurology and his wife of nine years, and their sons, Ian [5] and Alex [2] When John isn’t wearing his stethoscope and white coat as a Neurosurgeon at Sanford Health, he enjoys music, movies, BBQ, microbrews and craft beer, Sioux hockey, fishing, and hunting when he has time

photos: rialee photography | lauren kupfer

rad dadjohneickman

i would like to become better at… golf and pool/billiards. I grew up across the street from a public golf course and with a pool table in the basement as a kid. I’m not nearly as good at either as I would like to be.

nothing clears my head like…

putting on Neil Young’s “Live At The Fillmore East” album…track #6. And LOUD!

best pinch-myself moment…

was when my oldest son, Ian, was born. Sounds cliché, but you just never quite “get it” until it happens to you.

i have always wondered…

why didn’t I keep a lot of my childhood toys [GI Joe, Transformers, etc]? I find myself playing and

age 35, west fargo .nd

watching the same sorts of things now with my boys; funny how they seem to transcend generations. the phrase i say most…

“what movie is that from?” I tend to know a lot of movie quotes, so I find myself saying this one in particular quite frequently to co-workers. favorite everyday moment…

quiet time in the mornings. I make a big cup of coffee and have about 20 minutes to myself in the truck listening to the radio or ESPN talk shows while driving to work.

if i could single-handedly change anything, it would be… for my wife to no longer be allergic to all fish.

i have a great passion for…

BBQ. Living in North Carolina gave me an appreciation for what true barbeque is. I’m a big fan of the Big Green Egg for smoking BBQ in the backyard when I have time to do it.

my dad was right about…

pretty much everything….plain and simple. i can always count on a good laugh… from my best friend Ryan Reynolds. The guy always knows what to say to make me laugh. my best advice to my younger self… many roads lead to Rome…don’t be afraid to try something new, it may still get you where you want to go.

the person[s] who has had the greatest influence on me… are my parents and my brothers. Hard work pays off in the long run.

the best reason to be late…

“I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts!” What movie is that from?

i want my sons to one day experience… a fly-in trip to Canada to go fishing with their dad once they are old enough.

my brothers give me…

a hard time. And perspective. And great role models growing up as their younger brother. one thing of mine my wife would love to throw out…

my Cabela’s credit card.

i thrive on… at least four hours of uninterrupted sleep. the greatest thrill i’ve experienced… personally – seeing my boys grow up week by week. Professionally – having someone tell me their pain is better after back/neck surgery.

i’m totally in awe of my wife when… she always knows exactly what one of the boys needs and exactly what their schedules are.

i’m pretty good at…

making slow-smoked BBQ pulled-pork butt and homemade BBQ sauces.

palomino spaghettini

recipe recommended by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

I adore summer, but there are two things I look forward to when the leaves start to fall: cozy [and concealing!] clothing and comfort food

To me, pasta is the ultimate comfort food When temperatures start dropping, I think we all crave something warm to eat that will stick to our ribs Pasta has been shunned by many diets, but with so many wonderful and uncomplicated recipes that will satisfy the whole family, we need to indulge every so often .

need:

1 ½ pounds angel hair pasta

5 T. extra-virgin olive oil, divided

1 t. Kosher salt

1 t. fresh ground pepper

1 T. minced garlic

1 - 2 cups chopped tomatoes

¼ - ½ cup sundried tomatoes, chopped

prep:

1. Cook pasta about one minute less than according to directions on package.

2. Toss with 1 tablespoon of oil.

3. Heat remaining oil in large skillet over medium heat.

4. Add salt, pepper, and garlic.

5. Sauté until the garlic is light brown.

6 T. fresh basil, roughly chopped

1 c. chicken broth

½ c. white wine

6 T. chilled butter, sliced into tablespoons

½ c. parmesan cheese, and extra for serving

½ c. toasted pine nuts

[T=tablespoon t=teaspoon]

6. Add tomatoes, half of the basil, chicken broth, and wine.

7. Bring to just simmering, add butter and pasta and stir until butter is melted, just a minute or two.

8. Top with parmesan cheese, pine nuts and the remaining basil.

Consider adding any grilled or broiled vegetables, shrimp, chicken, or Italian sausage to give it a little extra something!

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

tips to ease mealtime madness finicky foodie…

story by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

Ismile as I think back to the memories of the fall of 2002. It was a time of change for my family, although I didn’t realize at the time the change included not just the addition of a new baby to our current family of three, but also an entire rebirth of the way our family ate.

Food has always been a huge part of life for my husband and me, but at that point we had more or less left our son out of our food adventures. Our then three-year-old wasn’t necessarily a picky eater, but we had fallen into the habit of preparing him separate, albeit nutritious,

meals that we knew he liked while the adults had, well, “adult food.”

Then one night while considering the next family meal[s] and in full pregnant glory, I had a shocking revelation: what if my son and the new baby [and any future kiddos for that matter] didn’t like to eat the same things and I was destined to be a short-order cook?

Suddenly I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid that situation and picky eaters. So I did the only rational thing I could think of - I ordered Indian takeout. Without making a big deal, I dished up a serving

for my son and eyed him nervously as he took his first bite of chicken tikka masala. And guess what? He not only ate it, but loved it!

There are endless stories of finicky-kid eating habits shared among moms everywhere, searching for tips from friends about how to get kids to eat something other than chicken nuggets. I have done lengthy research on the subject over the years, spent hours swapping tips and tactics with friends, and have helpful, first-hand experience dealing with mealtime madness. Here are a few tips to help avoid finicky foodies and/or help your family with a picky eater.

be flexible

Rather than being that short-order cook, consider modifying meals. For example, some kids might not like strong flavors. Instead of making something completely different, alter the recipe a bit for their portion and after serving their portion add the remaining flavoring for the rest of the batch. By tweaking the regular recipe, everybody wins.

Also, allow some space for choices. I try to give our kids options at mealtime. For example, if I’m serving grilled chicken, salad, roasted potatoes, and sautéed spinach, they must choose at least three of the items to put on their plate, and one has to be either the salad or spinach. I encourage them to choose well-balanced meals by reminding them how important their food choices are in keeping their bodies well fueled and healthy. Having these choices offers a sense of freedom, as well as pride in being responsible for their own well-being.

make it fun

Meals should be a time for families to connect. Make mealtime fun and creative by encouraging your family to get involved in the recipe selection and preparation. Perhaps cut up the food in fun shapes, plant a garden, talk about the bright veggie colors with the younger kids and serve new foods along with their favorites. Allow each kiddo to pick the meal one night during the week – with some stipulations, of course. I have a friend who allows her daughter to put ketchup on EVERYTHING! I think this tactic is great! If putting a little ketchup on whatever is being served for dinner gets her daughter to try and maybe even like a new food…I say go for it!

set a good example

I remember several years back hosting a dinner party with some friends. The conversation turned to dealing

LICE! Just the word...

Small Wonders

for thought

with kids’ picky eating habits. One dad talked in detail about how awful it was to prepare and feed his daughter meals and then, while filling her dinner plate, he turned to her and said, "Honey, don't worry, you don't have to eat that awful spinach! Spinach is yucky!" Hmm…you can't lament your child being a picky eater, and in the next breath complain about what is being served to you! Not everyone is adventurous with food, but kids are always watching and listening. Be an example, be patient, and be the eater you want your child to be. Don’t create your very own picky eater.

minimize distractions

This is a bigger deal than most think. Turn off the television and other electronic gadgets during meals. This will help your child focus on eating and maybe even eliminate the all-too-common, ‘I’m full,’ statement as an excuse to leave the table for something better.

nip the snacking

Eating out of boredom has so many negative effects. Consider keeping a bowl of fruit or ‘anytime’ food on the table or counter. Let kids know if they ‘need’ to have

something between or after meals, they are welcome to the ‘unlimited’ food bowl.

don't offer dessert as a reward

Withholding dessert sends the message that dessert is the best food, which might only increase your child's desire for sweets. You might select one or two nights a week as dessert nights and skip dessert the rest of the week, or redefine dessert as fruit, yogurt, or other healthy choices.

be consistent

In our house we all sit at the table until everyone is done eating. Allowing kids to leave the table sends the message that this time together is not important, it does not encourage healthy eating habits, and it creates a general unsettled atmosphere—everything dinnertime shouldn't be.

Also, don’t leave their half-eaten meal ‘for later.’ I can't tell you how many times I have said, "I am sorry you don't want to eat this, but it's what's for dinner." Occasionally, this leads to a dinnerless night for the stubborn non-eater. Even if the child just sits there without eating, well, at least she is observing family time by watching everyone else eat, and she is being exposed to different food. Mealtime is mealtime, so don’t be afraid to say it and stick to it.

As parents, I think we can all agree we’ve ‘been there, done that’ when it comes to dealing with mealtime madness and picky palates. As frustrating as it can be and as helpless as you might feel, remember, nearly every kid fusses about food at some stage and while most eating habits won’t change overnight, it doesn’t mean you have to dread dinnertime. Consider these strategies to help avoid power struggles and save your sanity. Keep the faith and keep cookin’!

Kari’s passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on the shores of Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned a Secondary Education degree in Social Studies and English from Concordia College. Although determined to leave the area upon graduation, she instead fell in love with a globetrotting area native, and has lived in the F-M area for 18 years. Kari and her husband, Brent, have spent many long winters perfecting Thai recipes with their three children and eager taste-testers, Gunnar [13], Ava [10], and Ella [5]. Kari takes great pride in her career of stay-at-home mom, which has allowed her to cultivate her love for food and provide imaginative and healthy meals for her family. Just don’t ask her kids about meals that they have labeled “Kari’s Creations!”

ride it out

story by | kathleen wrigley

Have you ever stood on the platform of a gigantic, corkscrew turning, upside-down, backwards roller coaster wondering why anyone would want to relinquish control to this degree. Throngs of people line up behind you, nudging you into your seat. The conductor pulls the restraint, and you brace yourself. You start slowly. Then without warning you’re defying gravity at an unreasonable velocity and you have no choice but to ride it out.

I hate roller coasters.

You might think it’s a stretch to compare a soaring coaster to youth athletics. And maybe I am overemphasizing—just a bit—to make my point. But organized sports FOR KIDS have changed. From enormous time commitments and pressures to perform, to over-involved parenting, the intensity with which youth athletics operates has spun out of control. The consequences are real and it starts at very young ages. Our family is fairly new to this level of “play.” Every parent I’ve talked to agrees that these “extracurricular” activities are stretching

too far, but they feel powerless. Our kids want to play, so we’re all strapped in for the ride.

Like a lot of boys, our ten-year-old loves anything that involves a uniform and a ball. His chest swells with pride. He sleeps in his basketball jersey and has attempted—on one occasion—to wear it to church. Last year he wore his football gear and pads to piano lessons because practice immediately followed his lesson. He is proud and excited to be part of a team—any team—and he’s built good friendships with his teammates. He is not afraid to work hard, and often uses his spare time to swing, swoosh, or sprint for extra practice.

We all recognize the valuable lessons of participating in organized sports. The benefits are plentiful: physical activity, boosting self-esteem, a sense of belonging, learning good sportsmanship, academic success, pride, discipline. Sign me up, right?

Here comes the BUT…I’m all for working hard and keeping score. That’s life. There are winners and losers. And there are good lessons in both. BUT the level of intensity for these “extra-curricular” activities may be

leading us down a path to a whole host of problems. Youth sports and the passion for competing has some coaches and parents overlooking the fundamental benefits of these activities, thus putting undue mental and physical stress on their young players.

The pressures of performing and the time commitments are remarkable for these young athletes. The practice time alone makes it difficult for parents to balance or manage other important things like school work, family time, involvement in any other activity, down time, or even dinner together. For instance, football—for our ten-year-old—is four days a week, two hours a day, even during the steamy August temperatures that closed schools across the state. I’m not a coach or a doctor; maybe it IS necessary to make kids sprint in full gear [with helmets] in 100-degree temperatures. But it’s a bit excessive to this mom. And judging by how many kids were sick [some throwing up or crying], it was too much for these ten-year-old athletes, too.

The increased intensity level of athletics at a young age can also be seen by watching some parents. Some get so caught up in their children’s sports that they cause problems. I watched a father admonish his son from the bleachers for being out of position, not taking shots, not using the backboard, and not being aggressive enough during a basketball game. At one point his nine-year-old boy stood center-court, fists clenched, and responded to dad’s criticisms through clenched teeth: I’m.Try.Ing

The gymnasium fell silent—despite the other four games being played. Or maybe it was all I heard. I’ve gotten to know this dad. He is a good man. He’s a former college athlete and fiercely competitive. He’s also a doting father who adores his son. And his jabs are squarely directed toward his own child, not any of the other athletes, coaches, or umpires. Still…

We’ve all heard news stories about parents—in other places, not here—fighting in stands, getting kicked out of games, and acting inappropriately. Youth sports have become so intense, so competitive, and so invasive in our lives that parents—good parents— get swept up in the roller coaster ride and forget that this is not our ride.

Yet this must be a trending problem. Why else would parents be required to sign a parental-behavior contract with the baseball league? Parents have to promise to behave appropriately and respect the umpire’s authority,

along with a host of other directives for parents to abide by … what? The contract reminds guardians: “The goal is to instill ideals of good sportsmanship, teamwork, and respect for authority, while learning, playing and enjoying baseball.”

The baseball season was fun. The boys played well as a team, and made it to the championship game. Patrick’s team lost, but rebounded quickly when their coach’s wife opened a cooler full of water balloons. Each player took home a second-place trophy and splashed in the glory of a water-balloon fight. It took them about 30 seconds to get over their loss.

So I was perplexed by the email message we received that night. The baseball league’s board members called a mandatory meeting for parents. The leaders of the league announced that because of several parents’ behavior during and after that game, two volunteer umpires quit the league…for good. They were treated so poorly that they walked off the field after the game, called a board member, and quit on the spot. Who can blame them?

The majority of the parents listened politely during the meeting, but a few pushed back and insisted the board “hire” umpires or “find some with thicker backbones.” True story. And sad. Who loses here? Our children. Talk about the corkscrew, backward turns of a roller coaster. Are we negating the valuable lessons that youth sports are meant to instill in our kids: to have fun, to be respectful, to be good sports, to manage and balance their time—including family time? Are these little leaguers having fun or is that beside the point now? Are we stressing them out? Embarrassing them? There is real angst and pressure associated with the intensity of some youth athletics today.

These kids want to perform for their coaches. They often look up to them. They want to play. They watch every move that parents and coaches make. Every disgruntled reaction is digested. Every criticism we yell to the umpires is heard. Then they mimic us.

Our generation is more involved in their kids’ lives than ever before. And that’s good. But it may be time to balance our immersion.

This is their ride. Not the coaches’. Nor the parents’. Let them play. Let them win. Let them lose. Let them feel the unfairness of what they perceive to be a bad call. These are lifelong lessons.

It seems the movement towards intense youth sports is beyond my reach and my kids want to play, so I guess we’ll stay seated, tighten our belts, and hold on for dear life.

Occasionally parents need to remind each other that we are the gatekeepers of our children. We set the boundaries for our families, and those limits are important teaching moments, too. Like the speed of a roller coaster, time soars, and before we know it, our children are adults and every example we set for them now matters in their future lives. Be the good sportsmen that we want our kids to be. Encourage them, love them, and—win, lose, or twirl—let them ride it out.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in church, kids’ school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

quiet courage pireza mosaei

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

When you first meet Pireza Mosaei, you see a shy smile and hear a quiet voice. Quickly you discover she has a kind, honest heart. Her eyes tell you that. But this Moorhead mom has a story that runs deep. A story you can’t see. A story that epitomizes strength and courage. A story that started thousands of miles away as a young girl. A story of always moving forward.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

Pireza [peer-oh-zah] Mosaei [moh-sigh] grew up in a small village in Iran. She fondly remembers her childhood filled with laughter and a loving family. Her father, a farmer, and mother, a housewife, raised nine children in a home with no electricity or running water.

“My dad was so nice and kind. He spoke three languages,” Pireza says with a smile. “My mother was beautiful and such a hard worker. I remember my friends saying, ‘you are so lucky to have such nice parents.’”

She also remembers the beauty of Iran. “The temperature was mild, like a spring day in Minnesota, and during the summer it is very green.”

But memories of her homeland seem like a lifetime ago. She left nearly 25 years ago and hasn’t been able to return since.

a love

Pireza was 15 years old when her husband, Sadegh [sod-aahk], first visited her quiet village. Sadegh was a soldier in the Kurdish Army fighting against the Iranian government. Soon the two fell in love.

“My mom knew I loved him,” Pireza says. “But she warned me it was very dangerous because he was a Kurdish soldier. If it was found out, we would have to run. From

mountain to mountain we would have to run because that was Kurdish life then. So we could tell no one.”

Pireza kept her love a secret, not telling anyone for fear she would put them in danger as well. Sadegh continued fighting in the war and visited Pireza and her family when he could. But as careful as they were, their secret was exposed.

“My husband sent a friend to my home and told me the Iranian soldiers were going to capture me and take me away that night because they knew we were in love,” Pireza recalls. “I was so scared, but I had to leave.”

Pireza was just 16 years old.

an escape

Sadegh and another Kurdish soldier came to help Pireza escape. “I knew I had to go, but I was so scared and shaking. I knew if I stayed and was captured…it would be very ugly,” she says with her voice trailing off.

They left on horseback in the pitch black of night with only the clothes on their backs. They rode as fast as they could to the mountains, narrowly escaping the Iranian soldiers pursuing them. The young couple crossed the border into Iraq, were married, and stayed in a small camp consisting of four other families living in tents

where Sadegh knew the people. He had to leave Pireza there and return to the fight in the war.

“These were my husband’s friends and family, but I still felt so alone. So scared,” she said. “I was always worried about my husband. Was he alive or dead? I never knew and it was still so dangerous. I was getting more depressed. Iran is so beautiful and Iraq was filled with war.”

For the next two years Pireza would do her best to acclimate to her surroundings. Days would be filled with foraging for food and water and there was constant fear. Weeks would go by without word of her husband’s wellbeing. And it was a regular occurrence for fighting to force everyone in the camp to hide in the nearby mountains until all was quiet again.

“I had never seen anything like that before,” Pireza says shaking her head.

As the fighting would move, so would the small camp. The fighting seemed to never end, but the women of the village would band together.

“We would get two or three women who had husbands fighting and we would get together and take care of each other,” she explains. “We lived in the same house, worked together, cooked together; we took care of each other.”

When Pireza became ill her neighbors became very concerned. They secured a car and took her to the closest hospital, which was more than three hours away. It was July 28, 1991…the day her son, Delshad [del-shod], was born.

a mother

Pireza had no idea she was pregnant.

“I had nothing for him when he was born,” she said. “I remember the doctor was so mad at me because I didn’t bring anything. Finally, they gave me some old clothes they found to wrap him in.”

Pireza returned to her camp. Life was difficult. She was on her own. There was much worry and little food for this young mother.

“I remember being so hungry,” Pireza says. “A lot of my time was spent trying to get food. I was so skinny, and the baby too.”

Sadegh would eventually find his wife and young son, but his presence was short lived, as he had to return to the war. And Pireza soon discovered she was pregnant again.

“I did not want to be pregnant and have another baby and have Sadegh gone,” Pireza confesses. July 9, 1992,

her second son, Deldar [del-dar], was born at home with the help of a neighbor.

“My boys were not even a year apart. I was so sad. I had two little babies, my husband was leaving, we had no money and little food,” she says.

Danger was always present. Pireza remembers nights hearing the whistle of incoming bombs or a grenade exploding nearby and having to lie on the boys, shielding them with her body to protect them. They would lie there for hours, terrified, not knowing when it would stop.

“Better I should die than my babies be hurt,” she says. “We always had this, every day, there were bombs and people would get killed right there in the small village, sometimes in the house next door or out in the street. It was hard being Kurdish, running, hiding, always being scared, always being hungry, always worrying.”

Through it all, Pireza never regretted her decision to leave Iran.

“This was God’s plan for me. This is my life,” she says confidently. “When I looked around, there were lots of people like me that left their family. At the time we didn’t think about the family we left. We only thought about that day.”

a decision

It was a beautiful spring day in 1995. Deldar and the other children were playing outside. Even Sadegh and the other soldiers in the village were playing volleyball and soccer when two cars drove by with machine guns pointed out the windows.

Pireza was in her home while Delshad slept, but the minute she heard the gun fire she ran to Deldar to protect him. Sadegh and the other soldiers pursued the terrorists to insure they didn’t return to hurt their families.

“People were screaming, there were bodies everywhere. Young and old,” Pireza remembers. “It was a nightmare. The bullets were like rain, they just came down on everyone.”

Pireza and her family were safe. But it prompted her and Sadegh to discuss their future.

“We had lived in Iraq for seven years and it was still so dangerous,” she says. “Always, always war. My husband and I ask, ‘why are we living here?’ First, we wanted

freedom, but we also had kids now and we wanted an education for them. We decided it was time to leave.”

They would escape to Turkey. Sadegh paid two men to take his wife, young boys [three and four years old at the time], and two other women and their children to his uncle’s home. They set out on horseback, bringing only a few possessions. It was dark, raining, cold, and they had little food. They desperately wanted to stop, rest, and build a fire to warm themselves, but the danger was too great that enemy soldiers would spot them. They would push on. And when the terrain became difficult to ride the horses, they walked. Covering miles and miles while carrying her two sons; one strapped to her back and the other to her front. Pireza’s knees were sore and bleeding from many missteps and falls, but she kept going.

Her children were hungry and crying, but their mother had nothing for them. She kept going.

Even after the two men who promised to take her all the way to Turkey ran away…she kept going. She was close to the border now and found a man who could help her.

“He seemed so mean and asked us lots of questions. ‘No passport? Where is your husband? These are your children? What should I do with you?’” Pireza recalls him asking. “I had to lie and tell him I was Iraqi and going to Turkey to see my sick mother. I was so scared that they would not believe me. I told the other women, ‘better to go to the river and throw ourselves in than be captured.’ They started to cry, but I didn’t cry…I just prayed.”

The man decided to help them and arranged for a driver to take them across the border. As they came to the soldier checkpoint, anticipating being searched and questioned, they were simply waved through.

“The driver couldn’t believe it,” Pireza says. “That was the first time he crossed without being searched. He told me I must have an angel with me.”

Pireza would wait three months for Sadegh to arrive in Turkey. They were able to get passports, food, and clothing. They started their new life.

“We planned to stay in Turkey forever. And yes, we had passports, but we were not citizens and it was very hard to become a citizen,” Pireza explains. “And at that time the Turkish soldiers were very mean to Kurdish too.”

In 1996 the Mosaeis applied to the UN for refugee status. A year later and after many interviews, testing, pictures, and tons of paper work, they were told they would be going to Australia. Then they got a call.

“It was a Friday,” Pireza remembers. “They said, ‘you are leaving Monday for America!' I was happy. I would be free. No more hiding. No more worry, but I was also so sad to leave family again.”

a dedication

The Mosaei family arrived in Fargo September 22, 1997. They spoke no English and had no idea of what to expect. “We arrived at the Fargo Airport and I saw a man wearing Kurdish pants. I thought ‘Oh my, they have Kurdish people here too!’” Pireza recalls. “I was so surprised!”

The man waiting was there to pick up the family and welcome them. Together they ate and discussed life in America. “They talked about working, language, and

I started to cry,” she remembers. “I realized life was going to be hard here too.”

The family was quickly thrown into American life. Sadegh would start taking classes, the boys would go to school and Pireza, who had no formal education, would have a tutor come to her home to teach her English.

“I started with ABCs,” she says with a smile. “I worked so hard, all night copying ABCs and saying words and numbers. I had our UN papers and I would copy and spell out all our names to practice.”

Pireza soon began attending classes with her husband. Sadegh got a job with a local farmer, bought a car, and obtained his driving license. He encouraged his wife to get her license as well. She would study feverishly. During a 15-minute break in class, Pireza would run across the street, where she could take her permit test. She would practice driving in the high school

parking lot before moving on to roads. And she would successfully get her license.

Pireza’s next goal was to become a US citizen. In 2000 she had another son, Miran [meer-ahn], and started taking classes at Partners in Learning, where she met Marla Anderson, one of her teachers, who would help Pireza reach her goal.

“She was a student every teacher would love to work with,” Marla says of Pireza. “She was diligent, persistent, always willing and eager to try any activity or assignment. Her positive energy and warmth made people want to be around her.”

In 2004 Pireza found out she was pregnant with twins, daughter Tina [tee-na] and son Artean [are-teen]. She kept going to school and studying for her citizenship. At the end of her pregnancy she was placed on bed rest in the hospital for a month, but Marla continued to help Pireza to achieve her goals.

“Every single night she would come visit me and bring me my school work,” Pireza said. “I had worked for three years on my citizenship and the doctors weren’t going to let me leave to take my test, but then they said if I didn’t have any contractions I could go. Thank God, that morning I didn’t have any contractions.”

“A person can’t miss the citizenship interview and test,” Marla says. “It could delay the process for months or years, it is that vital. So we got the doctors’ permission, loaded up the wheelchair, and off we went to the Federal Building. And of course she passed!”

“I was so happy!” Pireza says. “Getting my citizenship meant a lot to me. I worked so hard for it.”

One week later, Tina and Artean were born. And one year later Sadegh received his citizenship as well. Delshad and Deldar are also US citizens.

“Pireza and her family represent that “perfect, golden” part of new Americans,” Marla explains. “They demonstrate what most people think new Americans should be and do. “They kept their language and culture, but also made this new country their home and learned how to blend the new with the old. They took pride in getting an education, getting jobs, paying taxes, voting, and

respecting the system that gave them support as they made a new life here.” a

heritage

There are things in Pireza’s past that she wishes she could forget.

“A lot of times I have dreams, bad nightmares about things I saw,” Pireza confesses.

But there are many parts of her culture and Kurdish heritage that she works to keep a part of her family’s life. Her children can speak some Kurdish, they celebrate holidays in Kurdish tradition, and they have traditional Kurdish clothing [her daughter’s favorite part].

In April 2009 Pireza completed a project for school. She wrote about her life, coming from Iran to America, and all the things she experienced along the way.

“I hope my kids have learned a lot from me,” she says. “I wrote the paper for them so they know where I came from. What I went through. And so I don’t forget.”

Pireza has many accomplishments, but the greatest are her children. Deldar is enlisted in the US Marines. Delshad is completing his degree in finance. Miran [a seventh grader] and the twins [third graders] have many friends and enjoy school.

“Pireza is such an involved mom and loyal wife,” Marla says. “She is the glue that keeps her family together and makes them so strong. There is genuine love and respect within her family that they all show for each other.”

Pireza Mosaei is a lot of things. She is Iranian, a daughter, wife, and sister. She is Kurdish, a survivor, English speaking, hard working, and trustworthy. She is a US citizen with a story.

“People ask ‘why are you here?’ I want people to know we are good people,” she says. “We left everything behind. We came here to be safe, for good education; we came here for our kids. We couldn’t go home. We would be killed…we are here for my kids. A better life for them.”

“There is a saying,” Marla says. “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says I will try again tomorrow. This saying is Pireza.”

What we do for you!

Lesley Soine, MD and James Frisk, MD accept new patients!

• Adult/pediatric ear, nose & throat

• Allergy testing & treatment

• Facial plastic surgery—reconstructive & cosmetic

• Botox® Cosmetic & dermal fillers

• Head & neck surgery

• Complete hearing services

• Facial skin cancer

Call us at 701.235.1924 today! “Like” us at facebook.com/plainsent to learn more.

where health meets happiness

I am from a village, Growing up on a farm. Growing beans and wheat. Raising animals. Everyone working together.

I am from a family of 6 girls and 3 boys. I am the 5th child.

I am special to my dad.

I am from eating together, sitting on the floor, Next to my dad, my hand in his lap, Sharing a large bowl of food, eating with a spoon from my own plate. Eating together, 3 meals a day.

I am from no electricity, Carrying water from the village to our house.

I am from not sleeping, Listening in the night for the Iranian soldiers Coming to find my future husband. My family so scared, not able to sleep.

I am from fear and worry,

by: pireza mosaei

The soldiers taking my father at gunpoint to question him.

I’m from getting married as a young girl. My husband…a Kurdish soldier.

I am from leaving, it’s too dangerous to stay, Leaving my home, my family. Running to the mountains with my husband, The soldiers following. Being so cold, so hungry, so scared. Walking to Turkey, Living for 3 months in a camp.

Living with war.

I am from waiting and worrying, Being alone, Husband fighting, Not knowing if he is alive. People being killed by bombs.

I am from no food, Moving from village to village, Mountain to mountain, Tired and hungry,

Using a rock for a pillow, leaves for a blanket. Waiting and worrying…alone.

I am from walking and riding horse-back From Turkey to Iraq and back again, Living surrounded by war.

Taking my 2 young sons looking for safety, alone.

Going house to house trying to find a place to stay, Being turned away.

Finally finding someone who would help us. All this time not knowing where my husband was or if he was alive.

Finally, together again.

I am from always living in danger, Scared to go out.

Going to the UN for help, Answering many questions, Waiting…always waiting, Coming to America.

gotta know when to hold ‘em…

We mamas need a theme song…right? Something we can roll down the windows of the minivan and bellow out like no one can hear us. Something that states our cunning parenting prowess, how we are slick and confident and multi-faceted. Well, look no further! I have found it…[drum roll please]…it is the 1978 Billboard #1 hit…Kenny Rogers’ The Gambler! Perfect, right? I know you are singing it right now, but if you need a refresher, the chorus goes a little something like this:

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

Perfection! Us mamas, we’re all in, gotta know when to pick our battles, how to bluff, and when we are being bluffed! We have to know when to run to our kiddo’s defense and when to run the other way and let them figure it out on their own. And no, we aren’t going to sit and brag about our all-knowing-mama-super powers and brilliant kiddo to the other mamas…our job is never done…there’ll be time enough for that when the dealin’s done! So thank you, Kenny, and let’s talk about this gambling journey we call mamahood!

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

over the course of a wee one's first year, mama will lose approximately 740 hours of sleep

wee ones

[0–18 months]

You’ve waited months for this precious wee one, but you really had no idea what was to come. Feedings, burps, diaper changes, and repeat and repeat and repeat. And who knew that something so small could produce so much laundry? It’s hard work, so what is your honey thinking when he comes home and asks inquisitively, “So, did you do anything today?” Do ANYTHING!?! Boy, you better run!

oh no you didn’t

Your honey just served up a nice lofty serve just waiting to be crushed on the return. Let’s face it, odds are he didn’t mean what he said. Of course he should have asked “did you do anything exciting today?” or simply “how was your day?” But that wasn’t what was said and now you have an opportunity to react:

• gas on a fire Exhaustion is the perfect catalyst for mind-blowing, fly-off-the-handle, over reactions so do your best to stay in check. Let him know he needs to rephrase the question and if you need some time, take a timeout.

• you too It is really hard to take care of yourself when all your focus is on this new wee one, but you have to! Get sleep when you can, eat right, and don’t forget the water.

• maybe more If your honey can do no right, just about everything sets you off, from how he talks, breaths, sleeps, you name it, you hate it, maybe it isn’t him. Yes, mood swings are normal after having a baby, but if you are experiencing extreme sadness or anger for an extended period of time, talk to your doctor. You could be suffering from Postpartum Depression.

in 2011, 23% of married-couple family groups with kiddos under 15 years old had a stay-at-home mama

“This time goes so fast.” We’d all be millionaires if we got a dollar every time we heard that, right? Well, it is true. Our kids grow so fast. He just had his sixth birthday and in two more six-year spans he’ll be gone and I’m missing everything…I should be a stay-at-home mom, right? Well, maybe? Sometimes you got to know when to hold them and know when to punch that work clock.

should you stay or should you go

Most mamas, at some time or another, experience the desire to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom. There are countless opinions on the subject, as well as upstanding citizens raised by each type of mama. It’s not black and white. You need to make a decision that is right for you and your family. Here are some things to consider:

• moola Let’s face it, you have to be able to support your family financially. If you stay home, can you do that? Take into account all your expenses as well as the money you will save by staying at home with the kiddos.

• gotta want it A good lesson for life is to never do anything out of guilt. Evaluate your feelings for wanting to stay home. Make sure being a stay-at-home mom is what you really want and that your hubby is really on board too.

• what if If you are home full-time, can you and your family handle your hubby being out of work or what if your relationship changes? Consider all the things that could throw a wrench in life and how being a stay-at-home mom will fit in that mix.

What is this? You know he hears you. You’re only feet from him, but nothing. Is this unresponsiveness to the mama call something you should rush Mr. Preschooler to the ER for? Or is this more of a case of selective hearing? Call that bluff mama!

what’s that you say

We have things we don’t like to do and your preschooler is no different. Odds are you will notice his ability to tune you out when you are requesting the completion of tasks that are not his fave. Teeth brushing, toy pick-up, bedtime, or pretty much anything while he’s watching SpongeBob. The important thing is not letting this nonlistening behavior become a habit. It’s disrespectful, so nip it in the bud now with these communication tips:

• come hither I love it when my kiddos are screaming for me from across the house, said no mama ever! So, don't do it to your kiddo. Walk over to your preschooler and proceed with your request.

• say it If you want him to do something, tell him, don’t ask. Use statements [pick up your toys], not questions [can you pick up your toys].

• focus Eliminating distractions will offer you the best bet for being heard.

If your preschooler continues to not follow through after the first request, make it clear that is not OK. Letting that behavior go on without consequence will only reinforce it.

You hear your big kid talking to his friend about how much he loves swimming in the ocean. What? Swimming in the lake, yes, but you live in oceanless North Dakota and he hasn’t even been on a plane. Mama, you gotta be all in and right the ship on this truth stretching.

i once caught a fish this big We’ve all been guilty of it...stretching the truth just a bit. But we also know it isn’t right. It’s dishonest. Even if it is “minor” things your big kid is stretching the truth on, don’t look the other way. It’s still lying. And why is he doing this? Exaggerating or stretching the truth doesn’t include lie telling to get out of trouble. Odds are

big kids [6–9 years]

he is trying to fit in or impress the people he is telling his tall tales and if he perceives positive feedback to his exaggerating, the exaggerating [lying] could escalate. Sit your big kid down and talk about the difference between being honest and dishonest. Explain that if he is frequently dishonest, people will start to never believe him even when he is telling the truth. Also, make sure you take a look in the mirror and your own truth stretching behavior. Monkey see, monkey do!

If your big kid’s lying continues or gets worse, talk to your school counselor and/or trusted physician. There could be an outside factor influencing his behavior.

one study found women lie an average of 1-5 times per day and men 3-9 times

Iam mama, all heed my commands! Right? You know it all and need to be followed. But what about those handful of times when you’re wrong [gasp]? Then what? Do you dare admit you were wrong and, heaven forbid, ask for forgiveness? Don’t dig your heels in and hold these cards.

i’m sss…

It’s amazing how two simple words, I’m and sorry, can be so hard to put together in one sentence. Why? As parents we are always trying to do things perfectly [FYI…perfection is a myth] and admitting we are wrong can be tough. Are we undermining our authority? Will our tweener lose respect for us? And, well, it can be just

plain embarrassing to admit you were wrong. Yeah, it’s hard, but a really important lesson you can teach your tweener is that admitting you are wrong is not a sign of weakness. We are all human and make mistakes. So, you screwed up, now what? First, look right into your tweener’s eyes. Next say it, “I’m sorry,” but be specific about what you are sorry about [i.e. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions without hearing you out]. Then be quiet and listen. Your tweener might accept your apology or not. Either way, end with an “I love you” and move on.

set grow

Sure you’ve heard about it. Thank goodness you don’t have to worry about that. He would never send those naughty words or dirty pictures you hear about. Not your teen…right? Don’t fold this hand too quickly.

what-the-exting

Sexting… the sending of sexually explicit photographs or messages via mobile device. Whether you’re raising sons or daughters, no mama wants it associated with her teen. Statistically, the odds aren’t in your favor to have a sexting-free kiddo through all his teen years, so what’s a mama to do? Well, you gotta talk about it. Don’t you hate these mama-responsible talks we have to have? You need to know if it’s happening, so ask.

He will probably say no even if he is, but then you can make him think about a few things:

• mine no more The minute you text or post something, it isn’t yours. It is now free for the world to see. If he doesn’t want you, nana, coach, or pastor seeing it…don’t send it!

• law abiding Nude images of kiddos younger than 18 years old are simply illegal. It’s child pornography. And just because “everyone” does it, doesn’t mean charges haven’t been brought against teens just like him.

• expectations Establish your rules for using his mobile devices and what happens when those rules are broken.

in a sexting survey of teen girls, 40% said they do it as a joke, 34% do it to feel sexy & 12% feel pressured to do it

finding fall

story by | deb uglem

Fall is usually my favorite time of year. I like the crispness in the morning air, the colors changing, and the slipping away of summer. It is about change and I like that and, frankly, I pride myself on how well I adapt. However, this year is different. Fall 2013 has brought on one of the biggest changes in my life. No, it’s not menopause [note to self: article idea for distant future!]. This year our household took a hit. We went from a family of six to three in a matter of two days—three boys now off to new adventures. Now, in all honesty, my oldest was gone last year but he has been home since spring and things felt back to normal. I knew the day was coming, but when they left it felt like a whirlwind.

Of course, weeks before they all said, “See ya, Mom.” I was handling it well…from my perspective. I would hug them as they passed through the kitchen, give tips on packing, and of course question daily their exact departure date. At one point I suggested they needed more cargo space and I would be happy to drive the little boys [18, 18, and 19 years old] to their destination. They handled it well and pacified my anxiousness. As I look back now I might have been hovering. Nay! My husband and daughter were acting cool, pretending like it wasn’t fazing them. Dad was suggesting they leave days earlier—something about scheduled appointments [that’s just crazy talk!]. Sister was dancing around bragging about TV access time and a parking space in the garage.

Then the day arrived. I hugged them and headed to work. Sister hugged them and cried. I knew she was going to miss them. Dad began texting me by 9am, questioning my emotional state, but I knew we were in the same

again

boat. After 20 years I realize he lets me verbalize what we are both thinking. I have accepted the role. I got home that evening and my daughter announced she was heading to a friend’s lake for the weekend. There we were, Dad and I…alone.

We started the weekend out with appetizers with friends and packed the rest with two breakfasts, three dinners, two on-demand movies, a take-out pizza, and 63 holes of golf. I did not count the cocktails! Maybe we were trying to stay busy; I’m not sure. We talked about work, possible trips, and of course our kids dominated most discussions. At the end of the weekend something funny happened. We realized we were fine. Maybe this change thing is going to be okay.

This week I started looking at the positive side of things. Way less laundry is among the best! But the house is clean; the boys’ beds are always made. We haven’t hit one of our own cars in the driveway for over two weeks [yes that did happen]. There hasn’t been one fight over the bathroom or what time to leave for school. We are juggling one school and athletic schedule and a Schwan's-man meal can feed our entire family; easy

cooking for Mom. The added bonus turns out hubby is a pretty fun to hang out with and good at talking me down when needed. I knew there was a reason I married that guy.

The future is a funny thing, especially when what has always been your future appears to be happening. I feel my future has arrived and it’s time to create a new one. I have decided to embrace it with a new normal. Start looking ahead again and dreaming of what our family life will be like in another 5, 10, 15 years. So after a short hiatus I am back to loving fall. It’s odd that flowers are wilting and leaves are falling but I feel renewed in the sense that things are beginning. A new school year, strict schedules, volleyball games, lots of family texts, and fall sweaters all make me happy…again!

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. A graduate from Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [16] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with kids and on the golf course.

Family the secret to having it all is knowing you already do…

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

Make the date

Party of one or party of four. Whether you make it a “me day” or a date with friends, schedule your annual mammogram.

One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Encourage women everywhere to get their mammograms. Because early detection saves lives.

Schedule your annual mammogram and send the women in your life a reminder.

breastscreen.sanfordhealth.org

(855) 35-EDITH or (855) 353-3484