' WORLD'S WORST MOM' She jumped into his arms. “Yes!” “Can I be a part of your family?” I asked her. She held up her “free child” sign. “If I rip this, that means we’re a family again,” she told me. She tore it down the middle and handed it to me. “Here, Mom. Take this. Dad and I are going to play mancala. Can I have ice cream for dinner?” Thankfully, these outbursts don’t happen often, but it was a stressful event for both of us. Trying to navigate a young child’s big feelings in a situation like that, especially when it triggers big feelings in me, is not something anyone prepared me for before I had a kid, and it’s not something we often discuss as parents because of the shame and guilt we feel about our worst moments, as we question whether we brought this on, whether we really are the worst parent and our child would be better off setting up a stool and a “free child” sign and waiting for a nicer, more together parent to come get them. But the moments on the other side of the spectrum are what give me hope and makes me feel like I might not be totally screwing up this whole thing. I came home from work the Tuesday night before Thanksgiving to find my husband and daughter hunched over the table, working hard on a project. I’d received devastating news earlier in the day and was planning to skip family time and go directly to bed. I asked what was going on and Calliope explained to me that the next day was Thanksgiving
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at school. “And that’s when you tell everyone you’re thankful for them. And I’m thankful for all of them!” Turns out while I was at work, she had asked her dad to help her write a thank-you note to every single member of her class, as well as about a dozen teachers. My husband wrote each name on the front of the homemade cards. Inside each one, Calliope carefully wrote the message “thank you” in her best handwriting. “That’s wonderful, Callie,” I said, overwhelmed at her display of caring and kindness toward her schoolmates and teachers. “I bet that will make them all feel really special.” She shrugged and went back to work while I contemplated how her act of thoughtfulness was just the reminder I needed of the good in the world. I was still lost in thought when she jumped into my lap and handed me a folded piece of paper: the thankyou card she’d made for me. She hugged me. “I’m thankful for you, Mom. You’re the best!” Yes, I thought, to have raised such a kind-hearted child, I must be. The best mom. Or, at least, the best mom for my kid. Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft is manager of integrated media operations production for Forum Communications. She lives in Moorhead with her husband, Brian, and their 6-year-old daughter Calliope. When she’s not working or parenting, she enjoys reading too much, reorganizing her cabinets too often and watching too much “Real Housewives”. Readers can email Alicia at astrnad@forumcomm.com.
218-287-9499 JANUARY • FEBRUARY 2020 | ON THE MINDS OF MOMS
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