ParentTeens Magazine - Spring 2019 by Parent Coach Club

Spring 2019

PARENTTEENS

TEEN DEPRESSION

DECODING

SPRING 2019 / ISSUE 01 / VOLUME 01

TEEN SLANG

WHAT TEENS WANT PARENTS TO KNOW

VAPING

Parent

Resources

meet an amazing teen doing amazing things despite adversity

WELCOME Welcome to the Spring Edition! I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us! Within the pages of this magazine you will find: unique parenting perspectives a community of love and support articles that answer your toughest questions and resources that you can count on Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone! We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey. Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group. You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier. See you inside.

Jennifer XOXO Jennifer, Mom and Founder of Parent Guide.

P.S. If you are a parent of a younger child you will want to check out our PARENTGUIDE issue. Click here to access it 50 69 now! Happy Parenting!

PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟1

Contributors

THANK YOU! I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out!

Tonia Jahshan Owner of Sipology by Steeped Tea

I mean, just take a look to the right and you will see this super impressive line-up of incredibly talented and accomplished women that helped make this magazine happen! I just hope they each know how much I value their contribution! And, you...here, taking time out of your crazy, busy day to spend time with us! Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel! And, I really want to get to know you all better. So, here are a few ways that we can stay connected, work together, and if I am lucky, maybe we can even become friends! Jennifer McCallum Founder of Parent Guide and ParentTeens

Let's Connect Sign up for FREE Daily Encouragement "YOU GOT THIS" Emails Just a little love to remind you how fabulous you are! https://bit.ly/2yX6Ajf

Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences

Do you help parents of teens? Join the Club! A directory of online courses and support for parents of teens. Free 60-day trial. www.ParentTeens.Club Want to write for us? We are always looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and expert advice for our parent community. We talk about real issues for modern parents. No fluff - just good, solid advice, examples, stories, and ideas to help make parenting just a bit easier. Contact me at: info@parentguide.ca

PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

2⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Ann Douglas Author, Happy Parents, Happy Kids!

Hari Ghotra Indian Cook & Author

WHAT'S INSIDE 07 When Teens Struggle to Learn 11 Teen Spotlight 17 Teen Depression

22 Mindfulness Tips

25 Book Review 27 Teen Slang 30 What Teens Want Parents to Know 36 Vaping 38 The Sipology Story

44 Helicopter Parents

46 Butter Chicken 50 Is it a Fever? 53 Cannabis Handbook 53 Resources

56 Marketplace

w e ne ebsit w FO

TE OF S T EN

PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;3

PARENTS

Concerned about your teen? Get answers here. Search our online directory of courses for parents of teens.

ParentTeens.Club

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GIVE UP HOPE You are not alone. Find courses, support, connection and more.

4â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Dear Parents, I know what you are going through. You feel like your heart is being torn out and you have no control over what is happening to your teen. Your sweet child has entered the teenage years and they are completely alien to you. You don't recognize them anymore and you feel like you are on another planet when you try and communicate with them. You feel alone. You feel shame. You feel like you have failed. It is a trying time for all of you. Your teen is trying to figure out who they are, become more and more independent of you, and do anything but what you want them to do. This is normal. You are trying to keep them safe, show them how to be successful, and guide them along a path that you have envisioned for them. This is also normal. Maybe hurtful things have been said or done and you feel lost. It is like a tug-of-war that no one wins and you probably feel like throwing your hands up in the air and giving up. Now is not the time to give up. As hard as this is, you will get through this...and just possibly, with the right tools and support, you may get through it and find your relationship with your teen is stronger. I built this website to give you a place to find answers, find hope, find strength, and find a community of like-minded people that will remind you that you are not alone. Join the club - it's FREE and full of hope. See you inside! www.ParentTeens.Club XOXO Jennifer

Got Teens? Join the Club at www.ParentTeens.Club

WHEN TEENS STRUGGLE TO LEARN Students who struggle in school

typically have a learning difference. A learning difference doesn’t mean a learning disorder or a learning disability. It simply means that they have adifferent way of learning academic subjects. Unfairly, many educators and parents have interpreted “different” to be negative or somehow wrong, rather than what it is: different! Students with learning differences are typically bright and can excel in other academic areas, but struggle or fail with

By Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain and Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider

foreign languages, reading, writing and math. The problem most of the time is that schools’ teaching methods and

HIGH SCHOOL YEARS ARE TOUGH FOR ALL

styles aren’t modified to mesh with a

TEENS, BUT FOR ANY WHO STRUGGLE TO

teen’s specific learning style. That’s

LEARN, THESE SCHOOL YEARS CAN BE A

when they end up struggling so hard to

NIGHTMARE BOTH ACADEMICALLY AND

learn.

SOCIALLY. By the time these downtrodden young people

The stakes are even higher for middle

hit middle school and high school, they’ve

and high school students because of

already had several years of learning struggles.

academic and social pressures. After

They’ve also had a number of years

years of academic struggle, teens with

experiencing frustration, embarrassment,

learning differences may appear to

academic defeat and disappointment related

parents and educators to have a bad

to their learning struggles. And if that wasn’t

attitude or lack motivation. This often

enough, they often have low self-esteem, low or

isn’t the case. These are students who

no motivation for learning and feelings of

haven’t experienced enough academic

despair. They’ve had too many years of defeat

success to have confidence in learning.

with little or no success.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟7

CONFIDENCE AND JOY ARE TO A YOUNG PERSONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT AS AIR IS TO LIFE. 8 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

They’re unable to experience the joy of learning that their nonstruggling peers experience. Homework hassles, negative selftalk, low motivation, withdrawal, back talking, irritability, noncompliance or disobedience are all reflections of years of ongoing struggle and a lack of success. After years of not grasping lessons and content -although they’ve tried their hardest -- leaves them feeling defeated. They’ve had too many years of struggle and failure, and not enough success and joy to balance it out. Oftentimes, they just give up.

Confidence and joy are to a young person’s positive development as air is to life. This is particularly true for teens with learning differences. The adults in their lives must figure out how teens with learning differences can learn -- because they want to learn! They’re just afraid of more struggle, failure or despair. When the teaching methods used for struggling learners aren’t working for these bright teens, it’s time to change the strategy and figure out how to help them to learn and be successful!

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟9

Parents of teens with learning differences can help them realize success the BRIGHT way:

B: Build confidence and joy by recognizing that a learning difference is not a disability or a disorder. It’s not the teen’s fault that he or she has a learning difference. As a parent, assure your teen that you know he or she is smart, respected and valued. R: Recognize that your teen has a learning difference and let your teen know that

you’re okay with it. Recognize your teen’s natural gifts and talents and how to best use them to build learning successes. Together with your teen, recognize learning styles that work best and result in success -- and make for a confident and happy learner. I: Identify key professionals and educators who can work with you and your teen to

build academic, social and emotional success. You may want to seek professional counseling with experts in the area of learning differences. Form a “success team” for your teen that may include parents, teachers, counselors, tutors, therapists and employers who all collaborate together for your teen’s success. G: Get your teen involved in activities that allows him or her to explore new learning

that feels “safe” and successful. Seek out fun, stimulating and engaging learning opportunities that can tap into your teen’s natural talents and strengths so that he or she can “shine” and experience confidence and joy. H: Honor, respect, celebrate and share your teen’s natural gifts and talents so that

others can also value and appreciate his or her contributions to activities they’re involved in. Participate in inclusive communities or groups where all teens are encouraged to use their natural gifts for the good of others and who can experience success, confidence and joy. T: Teach others about learning differences -- what they are and what they’re not.

Help others to understand that these young people are bright and talented, but have a different way of learning. Let others know these teens can achieve lifelong success given the right teaching methods and learning opportunities. All teens with learning differences want the same outcomes as their peers: success, confidence and happiness. Helping them get there leads to confident and happy adults.

10 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

TEEN SPOTLIGHT COURAGE AND MATURITY IN THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY When I reflect on the women I most admire,

A trip to the emergency room at SCH later,

my fourteen-year-old daughter is at the very

she was diagnosed with intracranial

top of the list. This young woman is

hypertension, which is in essence a very

navigating life as a teenager, doing well in

high volume of spinal fluid pressing on the

school and at her other activities, and

brain and optic nerves. She was admitted,

helping out at home, much as other

two spinal taps were performed, and much

teenagers do. The difference between her

investigation into her highly unusual

and other young people is that everything

condition ensued. The MRIs and CT scans

she is doing, she is doing with a brain

uncovered something which remained

tumour.

unnamed by the hospital. It could be a tumour, or it could be nothing, they told us.

In late 2017, at age thirteen, she was

She was stable within a couple of weeks,

complaining of headaches and pain

and was prescribed medication to keep the

shooting into her limbs, followed by double

spinal fluid pressure from rising too high

vision.

again.

12 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

A follow-up MRI a year later confirmed that the unnamed thing was indeed a tumour. Having lost two siblings to Cancer in childhood, I could have easily fallen into an emotional tailspin, were it not for my strong and brave daughter, who herself barely shed a tear. To cry and panic would be self-indulgent, and of no comfort to her, certainly the most aggrieved person in the situation. I had to follow her example, provide comfort, and pretty well do the opposite of what I was inclined to do.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;13

To this day, she has told only her two best friends, and wishes to remain anonymous. She goes to school on most days, even when she has a headache and a very good excuse to stay at home. She always, always does her homework, and doesn’t want me to tell her teachers about her condition, so that she gets the same treatment as everyone else. When I ask her if she’s afraid, she tells me that she is actively choosing not to worry. At the age of fourteen, she’s already learned to focus her energy in productive ways. I could almost call this adversity a gift, if I weren’t her mother. Her personal strength has allowed me to focus on alternative treatment options for her as she awaits scheduled surgery to remove the tumour. She’s on a very strict 4:1 ketogenic diet, which I really believe most kids her age would decline to follow. I don’t mean to say that she doesn’t occasionally lash out about the diet, the supplements, and her bad luck, because she does, and it’s frankly intimidating sometimes.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟15

Her condition has given me the ability to look at her occasional outbursts as a positive thing. They’re her breaks from the much-underrated reserve and discipline she arms herself with out in the world. They reassure me that she has all the fight she’ll need to face this, and other challenges big and small, today, and hopefully for many long years after I’ve left this earth. People my daughter’s age are too-easy targets for unkind assumptions and criticisms. No matter the situation, they’re all facing a difficult climb, and doing so with all the grace that their young years can muster. Here’s to raising a generation of fighters that we can all admire. Sarah LeMay is the humbled mother of Miss T: harpist, pianist, big sister to three little brothers, and straightA student. She looks forward to getting back to judo and softball when her health returns to normal.

More Information: Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada 1-800-265-5106 www.braintumour.ca 16 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

CHILDHOOD AND TEEN DEPRESSION A PARENT HANDBOOK Find out how to get help for your child or teen

Somewhere between 15 and 20 percent of our children and teens will suffer from at least one depressive episode before they reach adulthood. These episodes come in many forms—ranging from the child who doesn’t want to go to school to the teen who is constantly in a rage to the withdrawn child who barely speaks. Often, these episodes are seen as just a phase, or typical behavior, but depression, clinical depression, is not part of typical behavior—it is a disorder that deserves attention and needs treatment.

Most children and teens who suffer from depression go undiagnosed and untreated. Many parents don’t know the signs of depression or where to turn for help, and, if they reach out for help, they often become frustrated trying to find it. Understanding exactly what’s going on with your child, finding the right treatment, dealing with the schools—all have their unique challenges and can deplete the energy of even the most dedicated parent. Taken from: Erika’s Lighthouse , a not-for-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness about childhood and teenage depression and mental health. WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟17

TEEN DEPRESSION HOW TO GET HELP FOR YOUR CHILD OR TEEN BY: ERIKA’S LIGHTHOUSE There is a lot of stigma attached to having depression— as a society we just don’t like to talk about it. We feel guilty and ashamed—about having it, even about having it in our family. But the simple fact is that depression is an identifiable and observable disorder with specific symptoms and, like any physical illness you or your child might have, depression should be treated.

EXACTLY WHAT IS DEPRESSION? First and foremost, depression is a medical term that defines a specific disorder of the brain. It’s more than just a sad or depressed mood, which all of us feel from time to time. Depression, called Major Depression or Major Depressive Disorder by mental health professionals, is a sustained depressed mood, feeling of sadness, loss of interest or pleasure in most activities, sense of worthlessness and/or guilt, and difficulty with concentration, thinking and making decisions.

Some people with depression, especially teens, feel irritable as well. Cognitive symptoms (a drop in grades or difficulty paying attention or making decisions) often appear first. Frequently, and especially in children and teenagers, these psychological symptoms are accompanied by physical symptoms which can include agitation, fatigue, changes in sleeping patterns, appetite and/or weight, slowed speech and movement, headache, stomach-ache and other aches and pains. Some depressions are mild and one can function somewhat normally. Some are severe, limiting even the most routine daily activities or leading to thoughts of death or attempts at suicide.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟19

WHERE TO BEGIN YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It’s normal for parents who think their child is suffering from depression to wonder whether they should just wait and see or whether they should seek help. The symptoms of depression are often evident, but sometimes they can be vague and confusing. Both children and their parents often ask themselves: is this depression or just a phase? Sometimes children and teens hide their feelings from their parents and even from themselves. If you think something is amiss, trust your instinct. If you are unsure, ask a close friend or family member their opinion. The bottom line is, don’t hesitate. It’s better to err on the side of caution than to wait—and possibly watch your child become increasingly depressed. Increasingly severe depression can be serious.

20 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Is this an emergency?

YOUR FIRST PHONE CALL SHOULD BE TO YOUR CHILD’S PHYSICIAN. Your first phone call should be to your child’s physician. Why? Family physicians see thousands of children over their years of practice and are good at determining whether or not there is an issue that needs treatment. The physician should ask to see your child for a physical examination and to run some tests to make sure that nothing else is wrong; some illnesses, like diabetes, thyroid disease and adrenal gland disease, can act like depression and need to be ruled out.

If your child is in imminent danger of hurting himself or another person, is hearing voices, or is seeing things that aren’t there, he may need an immediate evaluation at a hospital. Either go directly to your hospital or call 9-1-1 for help. Call your child’s physician and/or therapist on the way to the hospital to tell her what’s going on and get her advice.

Download the full parent handbook here!

MINDFULNESS TIPS In today’s world many of us, especially our children, lead schedule-focused lives. Rushing has replaced spontaneity. After school activities have replaced unstructured playtime. Screen time has replaced time for us to connect with each other. It’s easy for children to become distracted, over-stimulated and stressed. While we can’t hide our children from the anxieties that life will inevitably present, we can bolster their social and emotional health so that they develop tools that will help them to reduce stress, have confidence and understand their emotions. 22⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

HERE ARE THREE OF OUR FAVORITE TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ONES TO CULTIVATE CALM! Help Your Child Reduce Anxiety with Mindfulness Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to what is going on inside and outside of the body right now. Children who have an ongoing mindfulness practice have been found to have increased happiness, reduced stress and a greater ability to control their emotions and behavior. When children throw a tantrum or behave in an out of control way, it does not feel good. Conversely, it feels scary to experience emotions that seem large and overwhelming. Establishing a mindfulness practice arms children with tools to calm themselves down when they feel upset. Our Calm Mind Kit introduces mindfulness to children in a playful way through activities like “the noodle,” which teaches progressive muscle relaxation and “color breathing,” which teaches visualization. To see the full benefit, it’s important to establish a consistent mindfulness practice with your child so that they have known tools they can turn to for comfort and relaxation in moments of stress.

Just Breathe

Let Your Child Experience the Feels

Empowering children to understand that they can have an effect on their own feelings and emotions is powerful. One of the most effective ways to help a child reduce butterflies when faced with a long day, stressful moment or new environment or routine is to encourage them to breathe.

While learning to regulate emotions is an important skill, it is equally important to allow children to experience and process what they are feeling in an authentic way. Instead of disciplining your child for uncharacteristically negative behavior, identify the “why” behind the behavior, and offer extra empathy and support.

Believe it or not, deep belly breathing is a skill that needs to be taught, as we often breathe in a shallow way when nervous, which reinforces anxious feelings. When children (or adults for that matter!) take a deep breath from their stomach, they are telling their central nervous system that their body is safe, which turns off the “flight or fight response.”

For example, in a tough moment try offering your child a hug, hand, or lap and encourage them to retreat to a cozy, quiet space with a favorite story or activity.

Thank you to Rose & Rex creators of the Calm Mind Kit for Teens

One of our favorite breathing exercises is called ‘Waves Breath’. To introduce wave breathing we ask children to place an object, like our linen bean bag, on their stomach. We then encourage them to watch the beanbag rise and fall like waves as they breathe deeply in and out. WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟23

WHEN YOU NEED HELP

FIND A THERAPIST Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'.Â If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified therapists in your area.

WHERE TO LOOK www.psychologytoday.com Search by therapist, type of therapy, issue, gender and more

BOOK REVIEW It is not very often that I find a book that I think just about everyone should read. Gary Chapman wrote '5 Love Languages" and " 5 Love Languages for Teenagers". These are definitely a MUST for everyone in a relationship! If you are just starting out in your marriage or you have been married for many years or in a long-term relationship, or if you are or are raising a teenager, you will find great value in understanding these' love languages so you can speak it to them to show them how much they are loved! What's your language of love? l. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.” 2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”

5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all expressions of love. Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks more deeply to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking it regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a marriage.

3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service. 4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and listening.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA⎟23 ⎟25

TEEN SLANG Warning Flags As a parent, you are rightfully concerned or suspicious when your teenager becomes secretive. They may “talk” a lot, but at the same time avoid actually saying anything revealing. In dangerous or high-risk situations, slang can become a good hiding place for your teen. When terms such as these appear in hushed conversations with friends or on their phone, be alert to oncoming danger for your child.

Thirsty–Being desperate for something Down in the DM–Short for plans in their social media or texts for an oncoming sexual hook-up Smash–To have casual sex Netflix ‘n Chill–To meet under the pretense of watching Netflix/TV together when actually planning to meet for “making out” or sex NIFOC–Acronym for “Naked in front of their computer” CU46–Acronym for “See you for sex” 9–Short for “A parent is watching!” GNOC–Acronym for “Get naked on camera!” 420–Marijuana

Keep your Teens Safe - Start your Free Trial Here! WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟27

PARENTS

Concerned about your teen? Get answers here. Search our online directory of courses for parents of teens.

ParentTeens.Club

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GIVE UP HOPE You are not alone. Find courses, support, connection and more.

Visit www.ParentTeens.Club for more information. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

FIND OUT WHAT

TEENS WANT PARENTS TO KNOW WHAT WE THINK ISN'T ALWAYS RIGHT Jennifer McCallum, Parent Guide

30 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Raising teens is not for the faint of heart. There are days when nothing makes sense and other days when your heart is so full it could burst. I could compare it to a rollercoaster that you never stood in line for. It was just sprung upon you with no end in sight. The ups and downs draining on everyone physically, mentally, and emotionally. And this is just my perspective as a parent. Now, imagine what our teens are feeling? Hormonal changes, peer pressure, stressors from every direction...and they need to get themselves up and out of bed before noon when all they really want to do is sleep in. Do you remember those buttons from Staples that would say "That was Easy"? I have been thinking about getting one for myself that says "Stop, and Listen Dummy!" This just may help me stop and listen first, before reacting, before assuming the worst, and before ruining a revered relationship with one of the people that I want in my life forever...someone that I have raised with love for many years...someone that is trying desperately to become their true, independent selves. I have made mistakes as a parent, but each time I learn how to become a better version of the parent I want to be. Without mistakes there is not growth, am I right? Over the last few months I have asked teens what they want their parents to know. It is hard to come out and say it when emotions are running high. I hope you find comfort and understanding in the words that follow. You are doing a great job and what your teen is going through is the normal progression from childhood to adulthood. You are not alone - now is the time to lean in and love your teens like crazy for it won't be long before they are grown adults, and back to loving you like crazy too!

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;31

What teens want parents to know...

Let me make my own mistakes. How will I ever feel capable if you keep telling me what to do.

ot yn r a fo um Yo eady r be , be o t t me nden pe m e d in Ia t u b dy. a e r

er v ne n r o e s p atte a u e Pl ive o m h I g .n uc u . . m o e m ow h y . h us ay p aw

Don' t alw think ays wors the t of m e, I am doin g the b est w e can.

Don't compare me to someone else. I want to be unique, I want to be me.

I hear you when you talk to me...even when you think I don't.

When I ask you for help, I need help. Don't judge me or make me feel bad.

The world is not the same as when you were a kid. Please listen and try to understand things are different. Just because something was easy for you, doesn't mean it is easy for me.

Thank you to the teens that were open and honest about what they need. Parenting is not easy, but neither is being a teen. The more we know about each other, the easier the transition from childhood to adulthood can become. XOXO

balance & clarity What if I told you that work/life balance is impossible to reach? What if I told you that your life will always be this chaotic? Would you stop reading, throw your arms up in the air, and give up trying? Well, good news. you can have balance by the time you finish reading this article - but you need to be ready to change your mindset! Here is the exact step-by-step path I took to find balance and clarity in my life - and I want to share it with you! I believe that balance is a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday. I believe that there are seasons of our lives that we can either embrace or complain about - some are like the lazy days of summer, some are like hurricane season, and some are like the mundane, boring months of winter when nothing much is happening. What season are you in right now? If you have kids, your days may look more like hurricane season....but what if we looked at this season with new eyes? What if we were able to calm our storms and deal with them one moment at a time? What if we could embrace the chaos around us and find joy in it?

steps to finding balance & clarity in your life Quiet your

Figure out what is

Build a support

Take pride in the

Be present in

thoughts -

important to you

team and

life that you have

each moment

I use

and what you

surround

created even if it

and accept that

meditation

want your life to

yourself with

looks different than

you are doing

to do this

look like

positive people

someone else's life

your best

Balance is more of a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday! Jennifer McCallum

34â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

without clarity we wander aimlessly or end up feeling off-balance, overwhelmed, and exhausted at the end of the day

If you wish you had more balance and clarity in your life right now - whether it be at home or at work, I can help. I have been through the storms. I have spent many sleepless nights worrying. I have fallen down exhausted at the end of the day feeling like I didn't accomplish a single thing. And, I have discovered the path that has created calm and balance in my life today.

If you are interested in hearing how you can do this too, contact me today. We will walk through the steps to help you create the balance you crave in your life. Click below for more information:

Yes, I want more balance! Jennifer XOXO

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟35

VAPING As if we didn't have enough to worry about with our teens, now vaping is so wide-spread and almost the norm in many high schools. Some start as early as elementary school. Get the facts and find out how to talk with your kids about vaping.

What is Vaping? According to the Government of Canada, vaping is the act of inhaling and exhaling an

Resources

aerosol produced by a vaping product, such as an electronic cigarette. Vaping doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t require burning like cigarette smoking. The device heats a liquid into a vapour, which then turns into aerosol.

How to talk with your kids about vaping!

This vapour is often flavoured and can contain nicotine. Vaping devices are usually battery-powered. They may come with removable parts. Vaping products have many names, including: - mods - vapes - sub-ohms - vape pens - e-hookahs - tank systems - electronic cigarettes / e-cigarettes - electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS) They may also be known by various brand names.

New Health Canada campaign warns youth about risks of vaping

FIND OUT

How it all began

38⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Intro by Jennifer McCallum, Parent Guide Inc.

HOW DID SHE DO IT?

HOW SIPOLOGY BEGAN

When I first met Tonia I was in awe. I knew everything about her incredibly successful business, but I really knew nothing about her. I expected to be met with a powerhouse of an entrepreneur that would boast about having it all. But, once in a room with Tonia and ten other women in our group, I felt like she was speaking directly to me just like a best friend would. She was vulnerable and honest about how difficult it was building up her business, managing grief, initial resistance to her idea, and all the ups and downs that come with growing a business. She was a perfect combination of business smarts, kindness, and humility. I could relate to her as a business owner, a mother, and a wife, and I felt drawn to her and connected in a way that you are to someone you have known for a very long time.Â N O M A D I C | 2â&#x17D;&#x;39 4 WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

When Tonia was finished sharing her story with us and answering our never-ending questions about how she raised 3 kids and built a 20 million dollar company, I was not surprised of her success. She had a vision and was determined to make it a reality.

"...when you believe in something so much, it can’t possibly fail."

I am sure that even though she is one of the smartest, most determined business owners I know, it was also her personality that made it possible for her to build a team of over 9,000 women that wanted to follow her. I want to share her story with you and invite you to listen in to her pitch that won her two business partners on The Dragons’ Den. I am hoping there is a book to follow, as Tonia’s story not only breathed hope into my business, it reminded me that anything is possible when you believe in something so much, it can’t possibly fail.

Here is the story of how Tonia built Sipology to what it is today...

40⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

NOMADIC

In just 12 short years, Tonia Jahshan, with her family by her side, has made premium loose leaf tea the daily norm, by turning tea lovers into business owners, through her direct sales company, Sipology by Steeped Tea. Her journey started in 2006, happily pregnant for the first time—she was headed home from a normal day at the

Out of grief came inspiration and determination

sales and marketing agency she ran with her father. As she drove, she felt the first symptoms of what every expectant parent dreads: a miscarriage. The loss was devastating. To get away from the trauma of the miscarriage, she and her husband Hatem, decided to take a mini vacation to a Halifax bed and breakfast, where for the first time she tried Cream of Earl Grey loose leaf tea. Blown away by the taste and smell she had to find out more. The owner of the B & B told her it was from a shop in Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia. The Jahshans drove an hour west to find the boutique, stock up, and simply share the great taste with their family and friends. The purchase of the bag of tea turned into something more than just that. Tonia quickly told Hatem that she was going to start a business. “And I’m going to call it Steeped Tea,” she said.

In 2012, armed with passion and perseverance, her journey took off when she partnered with two dragons, Jim Treliving and David Chilton through CBC’s Dragons’ Den. Today, the company has thousands of Sipologists across North America selling loose leaf tea, Matcha, Kombucha, a medicinal tea & essential oil line called Heal-thy-self and teaware. Sipology by Steeped Tea has been recognized year over year, as one of PROFIT 500 Canada’s Fastest-Growing Companies, and Tonia, herself, has been garnered Canada’s #1 Female Entrepreneur by W100 in 2016. She also received the Ernst and Young’s Entrepreneurial Winning Women award and has been listed as 1 of 6 Women to Watch on forbes.com. NOMADIC

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟ 41

What accomplishment are you most proud of? I’m proud of so many of our leaders

We asked Tonia....

in the field who started with us almost from the beginning and have built incredible businesses. They started with nothing but a kit and with hard work and dedication have achieved so much success. It’s a proud moment for me. On a personal note, raising three healthy

What would you tell an up-andcoming mom entrepreneur to cheer her on?

incredible children always makes me

Never give up, go for your dreams, but don’t expect it to come easy. It

Is working side-by-side with your husband hard?

takes hard work, dedication and a

Working alongside my husband can

lot of risk to build a business. You

be a challenge at times, but in

have to work with the ups and

general, he and I work very well

downs. If you can handle the worst

together. What I lack in skills, he

case scenario, you can handle

makes up for them and vice versa.

anything.

Our roles are very defined, I’m sales

proud.

and marketing driven and he is numbers driven, it’s a great balance.

42 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

NOMADIC

If you won the lottery what would you do with your winnings? Invest it in my business. My business model is based on helping women and men all across North America to earn an extra income for their families. Has letting go of details been hard as the brand has grown? At first it was very hard when I wasn’t as confident in the team, now I am very confident in the amazing team we have grown at home office and can relax more on the details. What drives you to keep going? Our Sipologists drive me to keep going. Their success is my success

Tonia lives in Ancaster, Ontario with her 3 children and husband Hatem. Read more about Tonia's story here! Watch as Tonia and her husband Hatem secure funding from CBC's Dragons' Den

and I want nothing more than to see them all build amazing businesses.

Want to know more about

Visit: www.steepedtea.com

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟43

THE TRUTH ABOUT HELICOPTER PARENTS BY ANN DOUGLAS, PARENTING EXPERT, AUTHOR OF HAPPY PARENTS, HAPPY KIDS

HELICOPTER PARENTS If there’s one parenting narrative that has been amplified and celebrated by the media in recent years, it’s the idea of the helicopter parent—that ever-present, overprotective parent who is constantly hovering in junior’s vicinity. If you prefer to go with an analogous term that feels a bit more Canadian, you might opt for “curling parent” instead. As a 2016 CBC News article explained, curling parents endeavour to “[sweep] aside obstacles for their adult children” while leaving those children “unable to handle the rocks life throws at them.” Helicopter parent, curling parent—whatever you choose to call it, we’re talking about the same thing: the widespread belief that the current generation of parents is guilty of caring too much. Before you start engaging in the parental soul-searching that the mere mention of the term “helicopter parent” seems to trigger, you need to know one allimportant fact about helicopter parenting: it’s a myth. Or, to be fair, the idea that 44⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

helicopter parenting is the defining parenting style of our time is a myth. American author and journalist Alfie Kohn tackled the myth head-on in a September 2015 article for Salon—an article with a wonderfully feisty title, I might add: “Debunking the Myth of the ‘Helicopter Parent’: The Pernicious Cultural Biases behind a Collegiate Urban Legend.” In this must-read article, Kohn makes the case that helicopter parenting is little more than a media-fuelled urban myth, one that is heavily reliant on judiciously hand-picked anecdotes about that one parent who did that one over-the-top thing that one time. You’d think this article would have spelled an end to helicopter-parenting news stories, but sadly, they merely mutated and began to appear in a slightly different form. The media was no longer solely fixated on helicopter parents wrapping their tiny tots in bubble wrap or clinging to the electronic umbilical cord when their darlings headed off to college; now they were showing up in the workplace too!

Yep. That’s the most recent twist to a tale that just won’t end. A recent article in The New York Times titled “When Helicopter Parents Hover Even at Work” is typical of this genre. Writer Noam Scheiber only managed to produce one piece of evidence in support of the “helicopter parents head to work” hypothesis. That key piece of data? A 2016 OfficeTeam study that reported that workplace helicopter parenting was “not unheard-of”—hardly evidence of the massive epidemic of helicopter parenting you might expect, given the alarmist headline. On this side of the border, a 2015 article in the Financial Post tried—and failed—to make a similar case. In an article titled “Leave Mom at Home: Why Canadian Business Owners Are Having Such a Hard Time Hiring,” writer Dan Kelly reported that “more than a few” of the respondents to a Canadian Federation of Independent Business (CFIB) survey had reported parents showing up for their kids’ job interviews. Then, in a related post the following year, the CFIB reported on “two actual scenarios” of helicopter parents intruding in their children’s working lives, and “countless stories” of parents trying to interfere in the job interview or hiring process. So, should every cubicle desk issued to a millennial-aged new hire automatically be equipped with an extra chair for mom or dad? The rather underwhelming evidence to date suggests not.

raise a hand and then make a comment along the lines of “You’re probably going to think I’m a helicopter parent . . .” Almost inevitably, the story they feel compelled to preface with such a shame-filled disclaimer is, in fact, a story about really great parenting. That’s what disturbs me most about this whole helicopter-parenting phenomenon: the fact that it leaves parents feeling anxious and guilty for being a good parent.

LOVE this so much! Enough labels, already! Thank you Ann for writing this book so that we can love our own parenting style and be happier for it! Get your copy here!

On the one hand, it’s easy to dismiss helicopter-parenting stories as merely silly or annoying. Unfortunately, they have a tendency to get inside your head. Whenever I speak to a group of parents, there’s inevitably at least one parent in the crowd who will WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟45

OLD DELHI BUTTER CHICKEN BY HARI GHOTRA

SLOW COOKER RECIPE

46⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

OLD DELHI BUTTER CHICKEN MURGH MAKHANI

SERVES 6 PREP TIME: 15 MINUTES | COOK TIME: 7 HOURS ON LOW OR 3 TO 4 HOURS ON HIGH

Murgh makhani is a classic restaurant dish that is silky, smooth, and beautifully luxurious. The complex flavors include the natural sweetness of honey, the earthy bitter undertones of fenugreek leaves, the creaminess of makhan (butter), and the tang of fresh tomatoes. All combine to produce a thick, rich sauce that’s North Indian through and through. Many restaurants have the luxury of marinating the chicken pieces and cooking them in the tandoor before adding them to the decadent sauce—not always possible at home. This is my interpretation of how you can make this classic in a slow cooker. Yes, it’s a two-stage process, but the result is fantastic!

FOR THE TOMATO SAUCE

FOR THE CHICKEN

3 medium red onions, roughly chopped 2 to 3 fresh green chiles 1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger 6 garlic cloves, roughly chopped 2 ¾-inch (7-cm) piece cassia bark 5 green cardamom pods 4 cloves 10 black peppercorns 1 teaspoon salt 10 ripe red tomatoes, roughly chopped, or 1 (14-ounce/400-g) can plum tomatoes 1 tablespoon tomato paste ½ teaspoon turmeric 1 tablespoon Kashmiri chili powder 2 teaspoons coriander seeds, ground 2 cups hot water

2 tablespoons ghee or butter 1 tablespoon cumin seeds 12 chicken thighs, skinned, trimmed, and cut into cubes 1 to 2 tablespoons honey 1 tablespoon dried fenugreek leaves ⅓ cup (100 mL) heavy cream (optional) 1 tablespoon butter (optional) Coriander leaves to garnish (optional)

TO MAKE THE TOMATO SAUCE

TO MAKE THE CHICKEN

1. Heat the slow cooker to high and add the onion, chiles, ginger, garlic, cassia bark, green cardamom pods, cloves, black peppercorns, salt, tomatoes, tomato paste, turmeric, chili powder, ground coriander seeds, and water. 2. Cover and cook on high for 1 to 2 hours, or on low for 3 hours. By the end, the tomatoes should have broken down. 3. Remove the cassia bark (this is important, because if you grind the cassia in the sauce it will turn out much darker) and blend the sauce with an immersion or regular blender until it’s smooth. You can strain this to get a fine, glossy sauce, if you’d like, or leave it as it is. Return the sauce to the slow cooker.

1. In a frying pan, heat the ghee. Add cumin seeds and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Pour into the sauce in the slow cooker. 2. Add the diced chicken, cover the slow cooker, and cook on high for 2 hours, or on low for 4 hours. 3. When the chicken is cooked, stir in the honey, dried fenugreek leaves, and cream (if using). If you want to thicken the sauce you can turn the cooker to high and reduce for a while with the cover off. Add some butter, a little extra drizzle of cream, and garnish with coriander leaves (if using) just before serving.

Get the book

More Recipes at: www.harighotra.co.uk Get the app: https://hari.is/2P5rXbk 48⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Hari Ghotra is an Indian cook and chef and the founder of the biggest Indian food digital platform in the UK. Her website features hundreds of easy to follow Indian recipes, videos, and informative blogs. Trained at Michelin-starred Tamarind’s of Mayfair, Hari contributes to various magazine publications as well as the Great British Chefs website and Huffington Post. Her recipes are loved by many due to their simplicity but still packed full of the flavour punch Indian food is famous for.

Welcome to COLD & FLU SEASON

PRIN this T page

IS IT A FEVER? When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you

Method

Normal Temperature

think your child has a fever,

Rectum

38°C (100.4°F)

use a thermometer. Your

Mouth

37.5°C (99.5°F)

child has a fever if their

Armpit

37.3°C (99.1°F)

temperature is above the

Ear

38°C (100.4°F)

number listed here:

50⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

How to take a temperature: Use one thermometer for rectal and one for taking oral temperatures Do not use glass or mercury thermometers, use digital or

Resources:

plastic thermometers instead

Is it an Emergency?

Forehead thermometers are not as accurate as other

Call 9-1-1 or go to your local

methods for taking temperatures

hospital

For more information on how to correctly take a temperature, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca

Who to contact if your child has a fever: Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor

Need a Family Doctor? Call Health Care Connect 1-800-445-1822 www.ontario.ca/page/find-

when they have a fever Call your health care provider if your baby is older than six months and the fever does not go away after 72 hours

family-doctor-or-nursepractitioner

(three days), or your baby has a fever combined with a rash or any other signs of illness that worry you Talk to a Registered Nurse, at Telehealth Ontario 1-866797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007); available 24 hours a day, seven days a week

In an emergency situation, call 9-1-1

What to do if your child has a fever:

Want to speak with a Registered Nurse? Call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007)

Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever If your child is older than six months, then give more to drink (such as breast milk or water) Take off extra clothing and blankets, leave enough to avoid shivering check your child's temperature often

What NOT to do if your child has a fever: Do not give medication unless recommended by your health care provider Do not give Aspirin or Acetylsalicylic Acid (ASA) to a child or teenager with a fever Do not use alcohol rubs or baths and sponging with water to lower a child's fever

Other signs your child may be sick: Acting differently (tired, weak, sleepy, loss of appetite, fussy, or a lot of crying) A runny nose Coughing Vomiting Rash Difficulty breathing Diarrhea Change in skin colour (pale or looks yellow)

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;51

ALL ABOUT

CANNABIS POT WEED SMOKE GRASS

AND HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT IT

Download the complete handbook on cannabis

HTTPS://WWW.DRUGFREEKIDSCANADA.ORG/WPCONTENT/UPLOADS/PDF/CANNABIS-TALK-KIT_EN.PDF

Parent Resources

Navigating the internet to find the right resources can be a daunting task. We want to make life easier for you!!! Below is a simplified list of where you can start to find the resources across Ontario, Canada. If you are not in Ontario, and you are searching for a resource in your area, contact us at info@parentguide.ca. You are NEVER alone…please reach out, connect with others, find out what your options are, and equip yourself with this list!

EMERGENCY 9-1-1 In an emergency, please call 9-1-1 ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH, AND PROBLEM GAMBLING SERVICES BounceBack Ontario TOLL-FREE: 1-866-345-0224 www.bouncebackontario.ca BounceBack®: Reclaim your health is a free skill-building program designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.

PRINT THESE PAGES

ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE Assaulted Women’s Helpline TOLL-FREE 1.866.863.0511 TOLL-FREE TTY 1.866.863.7868 #SAFE (#7233) on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone www.awhl.org To provide free, 24/7 crisis counselling, emotional support, information and referrals via telephone to women in up to 200 languages - completely anonymous and confidential. CHILD CARE AND SCHOOLING Ontario Ministry of Education www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education The Ministry is responsible for early years, child care and publicly funded education from kindergarten to Grade 12. OneList https://onehsn.com/home/childcare Available in most areas across Ontario WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟53

COMMUNITY INFORMATION

HEALTH

Call 2-1-1 211ontario.ca 211 is a helpline and website that provides information on and referrals to Ontarioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s community, social, health-related and government services.

Health Care Options www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

DISTRESS Distress and Crisis Ontario www.dcontario.org Distress Centres offer support and a variety of services. At a Distress Centre you can find a listening ear for lonely, depressed, and/or suicidal people, usually 24/7. Many centres also have Suicide Survivor programs, support services for youth, telephone call out programs for seniors and vulnerable people, mental health Crisis Lines services and much more.

Telehealth Ontario Toll-free: 1-866-797-0000 Toll-free TTY: 1-866-797-0007 Telehealth Ontario is only offered over the phone. Email advice is not available. Free, confidential service - call to get health advice or information. A Registered Nurse will take your call 24/7. HELP FOR KIDS Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 www.kidshelpphone.ca Kids Help Phone is Canada's only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. Search their extensive resource list, Phone, live chat, App. HELP FOR POST-SECONDARY STUDENTS Good2Talk 1-866-925-5454, or call 2-1-1 Free, confidential helpline providing professional counselling and information and referrals for mental health, addictions and well-being to post-secondary students in Ontario, 24/7/365.

54â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

NUTRITION

PARENT SUPPORT & LEARNING

Public Health www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

ParentTeens.Club www.ParentTeens.Club A directory of online courses and support for parents of teens. Get the help you need to navigate the teenage years.

Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 TTY: 1-866-797-0007 LGBTQ+ LGBT YouthLine 1.800.268.9688 www.youthline.ca Youth Line offers confidential and nonjudgemental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4:00PM to 9:30 PM. Check out their amazing list of resources: www.youthline.ca/get-support/linksresources

Psychology Today www.psychologytoday.com A comprehensive directory of therapists, LGBTQ+ psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you.

POISON Ontario Poison Centre 1-800-268-9017 www.ontariopoisoncentre.ca Assists if you think that you or someone you love has been exposed to a dangerous substance.

MENTAL HEALTH

SUICIDE

BounceBack Ontario TOLL-FREE: 1-866-345-0224 www.bouncebackontario.ca BounceBack®: Reclaim your health is a free skill-building program designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage symptoms of depression and anxiety.

If you are in crisis, and you are feeling suicidal, or think someone else is: • Contact your/their doctor • Go to the nearest hospital • Find a local crisis line • Find a mobile crisis team • Call a Distress Centre • Call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000 • 211 • Canadian Mental Health Association • Kids Help Phone

ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟55

Marketplace Want to know who supports us? These companies make it possible for us to continue to provide content and resources to local parents. Check them out, because without them, we couldn't do what we do!

56â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

These are companies that we have worked with for years. They are looking forward to hearing from you. Go ahead, contact them and give them a huge thanks from our community of parents!

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;57

Present

I'm guilty of this - sitting here on a snow day, the kids playing outside and I am on my computer. The pressures of work deadlines, getting the bills paid today, replying to emails that are weighing down my inbox, and all the while thinking about how I will get out of my lane to get groceries, get dinner started and make it to my youth group that I mentor this evening. And this is a slow day. How can I be present when as soon as I complete one of these tasks, two more pop up? Do you ever feel like this? Overwhelm. True heavy overwhelm. My answer today - take one task at a time and complete it. Set aside time for the kids when nothing else can distract me, and go easy on myself. Some things can wait until tomorrow...but my kids won't always have a snow day.

58⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

How can I be present when there is so much to do? If you are anything like me, I am really hard on myself. I want to be able to do it all...and do it well. The truth is, I can't do it all alone. Today, I will be kind to myself and surround myself with people that lift me up. Will you join me? Let's connect in our Facebook Group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/parent guideacademy/ Wishing you moments of peace and presence today. Jennifer XOXO

PARENTS

Concerned about your teen? Get answers here. Search our online directory of courses for parents of teens.

ParentTeens.Club

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GIVE UP HOPE You are not alone. Find courses, support, connection and more.

ParentTeens Magazine - Spring 2019

Articles inside

The Truth about Helicopter Parenting

The Sipology Story

What Teens Want Parents to Know

Mindfulness Tips

Childhood and Teen Depression

Teen Spotlight - AMAZING TEENS

When Teens Struggle to Learn

ParentTeens.Club