ParentGuide Magazine - Summer 2019 by Parent Coach Club

SUMMER 2019 / ISSUE 04 / VOLUME 02

Summer 2019

PARENTGUIDE

A year on a sailboat

SEVEN AT SEA IMMUNOTHERAPY

THINGS YOU NEED TO BE RESILIENT

INTIMACY

Parent

Resources

AFTER KIDS

PRIDE Family Events

WELCOME Welcome to the Summer Edition! I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us! Within the pages of this magazine you will find: unique parenting perspectives a community of love and support articles that answer your toughest questions and resources that you can count on Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone! We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey. Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group. You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier. See you inside.

Jennifer XOXO Jennifer, Mom and Founder of Parent Guide.

P.S. If you are a parent of a teen you will want to check out our new TEEN issue. Click here to access it now! 50 Happy Parenting! 69

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

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THANK YOU! I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out!

Contributors

Erik Orton & Emily Orton Authors, Seven at Sea

I mean, just take a look to the right and you will see this super impressive line-up of incredibly talented and accomplished women that helped make this magazine happen! I just hope they each know how much I value their contribution! And, you...here, taking time out of your crazy, busy day to spend time with us! Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel!

Rishma Walji, Naturopathic Doctor, Acupuncturist and PhD.

And, I really want to get to know you all better. So, here are a few ways that we can stay connected, work together, and if I am lucky, maybe we can even become friends! Gillian Kriter Writer

Jennifer McCallum Founder of Parent Guide

Let's Connect Sign up for FREE Daily Encouragement "YOU GOT THIS" Emails Just a little love to remind you how fabulous you are! https://bit.ly/2yX6Ajf Got a business? Become a Parent Guide Member Receive a bundle of ways to grow your business each month while we share you with our parent community. http://parentguide.ontrapages.com/tellmeaboutyourself Want to write for us? We are always looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and expert advice for our parent community. We talk about real issues for modern parents. No fluff - just good, solid advice, examples, stories, and ideas to help make parenting just a bit easier. Contact me at: info@parentguide.ca

PARENTGUIDE

Michael Ungar, Ph.D. Author, Change Your World

Liz Frazier author of Beyond Piggy Banks and Lemonade Stands

Maud Maciak Magnifique Homes

519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

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NEW

WHAT'S INSIDE

05 What is a Doula? 06 How to keep the intimacy after kids 12 Immunotherapy 18 Money and Kids - Turn errands into lessons

23 Book Review - Joyful Courage 26 Seven at Sea 30 6 Surprising things sailing as a family taught me about "Quality Time" 38 9 Things Children Need to be Resilient

46 Eco Friendly Design Ideas 50 6 Ways to Celebrate PRIDE Month as a Family 52 Smoothies Made Simple 56 Is it a Fever? 59 Resources

62 Marketplace

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

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A L U O D WHAT IS A

Your doula is to birth as a sherpa is to Mt.Everest. They keep

you grounded and informed as you embark on the journey of a lifetime. They remind you there are many ways to get to the top and that the prize is worth the wait. They are a source of unbiased evidence and unwavering support. As you navigate pregnancy, labor and birth your doula is there to answer questions and help guide you to make choices you feel confident with. Their listening ears and serving hearts are your most powerful tool no matter where you choose to birth.

Thank you to: Christian Montgomery of Di Nixi Doula Birth Services www.dinixidoula.com

Want to find a great doula? Start here!

Jennifer Muir www.jennifermuirdoula.com Valerie Scott Instagram @laviedoula Erika Matkovich www.thematernalsidekick.com Jennie Millard www.jenniemillarddoula.com Chelsey Mackenzie www.chelseymmackenzie.wixsite.com/doula Julia Pilgrim Instagram @mybirth.doulas Sandra Bronson www.sandrabronsondoula.com Emily Braun Instagram @philikaleo

Join this group at: www.thedoulatoolbox.com PARENTGUIDE.CA | 5

HOW TO KEEP THE INTIMACY GOING... AFTER YOU HAVE KIDS When you have kids, it can seem impossible to find time to yourself, let alone time to actively focus on your relationship with your partner. The truth is, though, that it's good for kids to grow up in a household where their caregivers demonstrate love and affection for each other as well as for them. So, how can you keep the intimacy going after having kids? Here are a few ideas!

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GET FLIRTY

HAVE MAKEOUTS!

If your relationship is starting to resemble more of a lacklustre roommate situation, it's time to rekindle the romance with a little flirting. Think back to the early days of your relationship. Did you have any overblown, flirtatious endearments for each other? Or any specific words, phrases, or gestures that would get you both a little hot under the collar. Now's the time to give them a whirl again. And, even if you feel silly, remember that laughter itself can be sexy when it's shared.

Don't have the time, energy, or (let's face it), inclination for sex most days? It's high time to revisit first base. Long, luscious makeouts, or short, sexy makeouts, are much more likely to help you and your partner(s) feel connected, compared to a quick peck on the cheek or lips before and after work and at bedtime.

TOUCH EACH OTHER It might sound a little obvious, but when your days seem to be one practical challenge after another (breakfast, school run, naptime, grocery shopping, bath time, bedtime, laundry!) it's easy to go for long stretches without taking a moment to simply revel in each other's physical presence. Put on a slow song you both like and hold each other in the living room for a few minutes. Hold hands at the grocery store. Maybe even sit back to back or lie head to toe while catching up on emails after the kids are in bed. Whatever you need to get done, try doing it while being in physical contact with your partner (where practical!), and you'll feel far more connected than if you retreat to separate rooms and pass like ships in the night.

Earmark ten minutes of makeouts, set a timer, and go! This doesn’t have to lead to sex, and, in fact, you may want to make that an explicit rule because sex itself can sometime be a barrier to intimacy. If you’ve started to feel that sex inevitably follows from small acts of intimacy like kissing, this can create a barrier to those smaller, important types of physical contact. Just knowing that the timer is set can help if you know that you don’t necessarily have the time to luxuriate in or prepare for sex in a way that makes you feel sexy.

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SEND LOVE NOTES If your preferred form of intimacy is based on words of affection, step up your post-it note game. Instead of leaving reminders to do the dishes, or take out the trash, or schedule that medical appointment, leave little notes that spell out exactly what you love about your partner(s). Or, how about leaving notes in their lunch bag or briefcase with (â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;safe for workâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;) inside jokes, or flirty suggestions for your partner to find around the house. Opening the refrigerator and finding a cheeky note on an amusing looking vegetable is much better than trying to flirt via text, using confusing emoticons that are easily misinterpreted.

TALK TO EACH OTHER Again, it sounds obvious, but the longer people are in a relationship, the more things are taken for granted. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean you don't have other, adult needs. Make time to explore these yourself, and then spell out those needs to your partner(s) in explicit terms. Ask them to do the same, and you might find that what was vaguely satisfying in that familiar, comfortable, sort of way could be so, so, so much better.

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PUT ON A SLOW SONG YOU BOTH LIKE AND HOLD EACH OTHER IN THE LIVING ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES. HOLD HANDS AT THE GROCERY STORE. MAYBE EVEN SIT BACK TO BACK OR LIE HEAD TO TOE WHILE CATCHING UP ON EMAILS AFTER THE KIDS ARE IN BED. RISHMA WALJI

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GET COMFORTABLE WITH MORE THAN ONE BABYSITTER (AND GET YOUR KIDS USED TO SLEEPOVERS!) Seriously. The more people you have on hand to step up when you and your partner need some alone time, the easier it will be to do things spontaneously when the mood strikes you both. If you only have one go-to babysitter, it can seem impossible to have time to yourselves, and you'll likely be too exhausted or worried to have a fun and flirty evening. Also, getting your kid(s), and you and your partner, comfortable early on with the kids sleeping over at a trusted friends' early on can also mean you get to have alone time at home. Just don't waste the time catching up on housework!

Rishma Walji is a Naturopathic Doctor, Acupuncturist and PhD. She has been working in clinical practice for over 16 years. Dr. Rishma has a unique balance of scientific, evidencebased knowledge and natural, holistic healing experience. What she’s learned is that there are options. There are steps you can take, once you learn how things work. Dr. Rishma helps families of all kinds along their journey to parenthood, through fertility, pregnancy and post partum recovery. She has dedicated her career to teaching people to understand their bodies and their physiology, empowering them to manage the things that are in their control and ultimately achieving lasting results.

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immunotherapy By Gillian Kriter

To learn more, visit the website for the Allergy and Immunology Program at St. Joseph’s Health Care London.

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Peanut allergies affect 1 in 50 children in

substances that can cause severe allergic

Canada, and my 6 year old son Benjamin is

reactions. They include eggs, milk, mustard,

one of them. We found this out the hard

peanuts, seafood, sesame, soy, sulphites,

way – a panicked drive to the emergency

tree nuts and wheat. According to Food

room when he was 11 months old after just

Allergy Canada, more than 40% of

one taste of peanut butter made his eyes

Canadians read food labels looking for

swell shut and hives cover his entire upper

allergen information.

body within minutes. Side effects can range from hives, swelling, May is National Food Allergy Awareness

coughing and wheezing, to nausea and

month, intended to raise education and

stomach pain, difficulty breathing...or for

awareness of food allergies and their

kids like my son, a combination of these

associated health issues. In Canada, we

symptoms severe enough to cause loss of

have identified ten priority allergens -

consciousness or even death within minutes, known as anaphylaxis.

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As a family, we have learned that with a

I first learned about peanut immunotherapy

little planning and creative thinking,

when watching a CBC documentary in the

Benjamin will never need to feel excluded

fall of 2017. The concept is that under

from enjoying special events and

medical supervision, kids would eat a tiny

experiences like playdates, birthday

amount of the food protein that activates

parties, camps, sports, and travel. My

the allergic reaction, and regularly

husband and I have taught him to self

increasing the amount would build

advocate and carry his own Epipen when

immunity over time. According to the

needed, and we have been impressed by

documentary, Dr. Harold Kim was offering

the policies and training in place at

immunotherapy at St. Joseph's Health Care

schools, daycares, and other public venues,

in London, the only hospital site in

which create safe and inclusive

Southwestern Ontario doing so at that

environments for kids with food allergies.

time. Today, Dr. Kim, now president of the

We also read up on the latest studies and

Canadian Society of Allergy and Clinical

treatment theories, so we can make

Immunology, estimates there may be

informed decisions about options if

around 7 sites in Canada running similar

Benjamin does not grow out of his allergy

programs, mostly by allergists associated

by the age of 18, as 1 in 5 kids do.

with universities.

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Benjamin is currently eating the equivalent of half a peanut daily, and if you asked him he would tell you “it tastes like hair, but it makes me stronger!”

We signed Benjamin up for the therapy, and in the spring of 2018 he ate his first 1mg peanut flour capsule. This amount is roughly 1/500th of a peanut. Every month the dose increases, so that within 14 months he will be able to eat a whole peanut a day (approximately 500mg). Approximately 3 months later, he can try his second ever taste of peanut butter. He will continue to eat a maintenance dose of a peanut a day for possibly the rest of his life as this isn’t a cure – but it is a way to build his tolerance against trace amounts of peanuts that may be found on table surfaces, shared playground equipment, and of course foods that “may contain” peanuts. Our whole family will breathe a little easier knowing

Benjamin is currently eating the equivalent

that he will have some immunity against

of half a peanut daily, and if you asked him

accidental exposure on any given day.

he would tell you “it tastes like hair, but it makes me stronger!”

Currently, Health Canada states there is no cure for food allergies and that avoidance

When he “graduates” to eating a peanut a

of the allergen causing food is the only way

day by the summer, he wants his

to prevent an allergic reaction. The costs

celebration reward to be visiting an ice

associated with the therapy (clinical

cream stand for the first time. For us, to see

supervision costs and the peanut powder

him proud and committed to strengthening

capsules purchased from the pharmacy)

his immunity, nothing could be sweeter!

are private, but some insurance companies may offer partial coverage. By Gillian Kriter

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TURN ERRANDS INTO LESSONS 18 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA 18â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

M O N E Y K I D S

HOW TO TURN ERRANDS WITH YOUR CHILD INTO A BUDGETING LESSON (AND STILL KEEP YOUR SANITY) There’s not a parent alive who doesn’t dread bringing their children with them when running to the store. In fact, I’m surprised that grocery stores don’t offer a childcare service for parents – I’d be willing to forego half of my grocery budget to pay for that. I have a sixyear-old girl and 3-year-old boy; rarely is there a shopping trip with them where one of us doesn’t leave in tears. A way to make shopping trips with the kids less painful while also teaching them important money management skills. I’m not saying that our shopping trips aren’t still fairly painful (I’m only human), but at least now I feel like there is some good that is coming out of these torture trips. Below are my tips for teaching your kids about money before, during and after the store.

1 - Allowance: In order for your child to learn how to budget, they need to have one important thing… money! Yes, I’m talking about allowance. I’m a pro-allowancer (trying to make this a real term), and believe in starting allowance as early as 4 years old. 2 - Spend/Share/Save: Every time your child receives money, whether it’s allowance or gift money, make sure they first put some of it away for savings, some for giving and the rest can go towards spending. This “three piggy bank system” gets them into the habit of not spending everything they make. I like using clear mason jars as piggy banks, so they can see their money grow (literally).

continued on page 21

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3 – The Spend Jar: Explain the jars to your child. For the purposes of this activity, we are focusing on the spend jar. Tell your child that the money they put into this jar is for whatever they want to buy. Ok, let me backpedal a bit. “Whatever they want, within reason (and mom determines reason)”. 4 – Stop buying “stuff”: This goes hand in hand with number 3…stop buying them stuff. You know what I mean. At the grocery store when your child is begging you to buy them some gum, cinnamon flavored toothpicks, sprinkles, a bottle opener shaped like a frog, etc. We all are guilty of it once in a while. 5 – Bite Your Tongue: Let them buy that horrific toy that you know they will lose, break, forget about or hate within 45 minutes. Every time they say “can I have it” you answer, “of course, as long as you have enough money” (see the exceptions in #3). Let them make mistakes. Bite your tongue and let them buy the overpriced emoji shaped squishy ball. Let them experience the disappointment first-hand of making a bad money decision.

6 – Discuss: Finally, talk to them about it. And I don’t mean what we all want to say, which is “SEE!!!! I’m not just an evil mean mommy who doesn’t want you to have any fun!!! This was a crappy piece of junk toy and I KNEW it would break!!!”. Instead, ask them how they feel about it breaking. What else could they have done with that money? Gently suggest next time maybe waiting a day before they buy a toy, to make sure they really want it. Which by the way, is another win/win for the parents. You’re welcome.

Liz Frazier is the author of “Beyond Piggy Banks and Lemonade Stands: How to Teach Young Kids About Finance”, [Fall 2019] a guide to help parents, caregivers and educators teach elementary school kids the financial basics.

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BOOK REVIEW Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of YOUR Parenting Journey Parenting is messy. Alongside all of the joy comes and emotional freight train full of challenges and frustration. Your child can instantly trigger strong reactions that leave you feeling angry and out of control. What if you didn’t respond so emotionally every time? What if you could learn to be more present to the experience you were having? Might you feel like a better parent? Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey helps parents navigate the roller coaster of parenting to reveal: * How identifying your body’s physical reaction to stress is the first step to taking control of your parenting * Why our past experiences add to the conflict with out kids and what to do about it. * Real-life stories from parents riding the emotional freight train. * The Three B’s Method to change your reaction anytime, anywhere. * How to grow your relationship with all of the people that you love.

Book Praise Casey O’Roarty is the authentic friend who tells the truth about the struggles of parenting, and is the wise guide who provides powerful tools to help us be our best selves as parents. Her “breath, body, balcony” strategy is a gem! -Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., LCSW Co-author of the bestsellers The Whole-Brain Child, NoDrama Discipline, and The Yes Brain Joyful Courage is the parenting manual I wish I had years ago. Filled with heart, frank advice and understanding, Casey O’Roarty gets to the core of the struggle every parent experiences. Her 3 B’s approach is an invaluable tool to adjust our emotions as parents and really connect with our children. By the end of this book, you’ll know how to build the deep relationships with your family you’ve always wanted. A+, Casey! - Amy McCready, Founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and bestselling author of The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic and If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

From toddlers to teenagers, Joyful Courage is the practical and thoughtful resource for parents to navigate the challenge of raising children while choosing to be connected and engaged. Parents can learn how to be the best for their families with Joyful Courage. WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟23

balance & clarity What if I told you that work/life balance is impossible to reach? What if I told you that your life will always be this chaotic? Would you stop reading, throw your arms up in the air, and give up trying? Well, good news. you can have balance by the time you finish reading this article - but you need to be ready to change your mindset! Here is the exact step-by-step path I took to find balance and clarity in my life - and I want to share it with you! I believe that balance is a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday. I believe that there are seasons of our lives that we can either embrace or complain about - some are like the lazy days of summer, some are like hurricane season, and some are like the mundane, boring months of winter when nothing much is happening. What season are you in right now? If you have kids, your days may look more like hurricane season....but what if we looked at this season with new eyes? What if we were able to calm our storms and deal with them one moment at a time? What if we could embrace the chaos around us and find joy in it?

steps to finding balance & clarity in your life Quiet your

Figure out what is

Build a support

Take pride in the

Be present in

thoughts -

important to you

team and

life that you have

each moment

I use

and what you

surround

created even if it

and accept that

meditation

want your life to

yourself with

looks different than

you are doing

to do this

look like

positive people

someone else's life

your best

Balance is more of a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday! Jennifer McCallum

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without clarity we wander aimlessly or end up feeling off-balance, overwhelmed, and exhausted at the end of the day

If you wish you had more balance and clarity in your life right now - whether it be at home or at work, I can help. I have been through the storms. I have spent many sleepless nights worrying. I have fallen down exhausted at the end of the day feeling like I didn't accomplish a single thing. And, I have discovered the path that has created calm and balance in my life today.

If you are interested in hearing how you can do this too, contact me today. We will walk through the steps to help you create the balance you crave in your life. Click below for more information:

Yes, I want more balance! Jennifer XOXO

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WHY A NEW YORK CITY FAMILY CAST OFF CONVENTION FOR A LIFECHANGING YEAR ON A SAILBOAT By Erik Orton & Emily Orton

Seven at Sea

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Families Can’t Just Pack Up and Leave, Can They? … A COURAGEOUS AND INSPIRING MEMOIR ABOUT A FAMILY WHO GOES COMPLETELY AGAINST THE GRAIN AND FINDS ADVENTURE AND HAPPINESS ALONG THE WAY Wanderlust. Boredom. Frustration. Whatever the reason, we have all had days where we wished we could pack our bags and just go somewhere; anywhere. But for a myriad of reasons (jobs, spouses, kids, responsibilities), most of us don’t do it. Erik and Emily Orton, the authors of Seven at Sea: Why a New York City Family Cast off Convention for a Life-Changing Year on a Sailboat (Shadow Mountain Publishing, March 5, 2019) did that very thing—leaving their daily lives in New York City and traveling the world—with their five children in tow. The book takes us along for the ride as the Ortons experience the challenges and joys of a year at sea on a sailboat as a family of seven. In addition to sharing the very concrete issues they face— finances, schooling, how to sail a boat—in engaging and authentic prose, the book reminds us that our lives are what we make them, and that we should all have the courage to seek our dream lives whatever they may be. WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟27

DARE TO DREAM Working a temp job night shift in a cubicle in Manhattan to help provide for his wife and their five children, the youngest with Down syndrome, Erik Orton knew something had to change. Watching the sailboats on the Hudson River during his breaks, he dared to dream, and craved a life that was full of more than just surviving day to day. Despite having no sailing experience, his wife Emilyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s phobia of deep water, and already being financially stretched, the family of seven turned their excuses into reasons and their fears into motivation as they set off on a voyage that ultimately took them 5,000 miles from New York to the Caribbean and back. Their journey that included plenty of learning and adventure, showed them the value of doing things their own way, and most importantly gave them time together as a family before their oldest daughter left for college.

"...(THE TRIP) GAVE THEM TIME TOGETHER AS A FAMILY BEFORE THEIR OLDEST DAUGHTER LEFT FOR COLLEGE." And while the memoir is incredibly inspiring, and the Ortons did certainly gain a lot from sailing with their family for a year, the takeaway of Seven at Sea is not that that all of us should quit our jobs and buy sailboats. The book serves as an encouraging reminder that our lives can be what we make them regardless of what society dictates.

Many of us, especially parents, tend to feel stuck in our circumstances. The Ortons show us that on a large or small scale, we can imagine more boldly than we usually allow for and dare to dream of a life that doesn’t look anything like the one we have now—and still manage to be great parents, spouses, and members of society. “Most travel adventure memoirs are solo journeys,” says Erik Orton. “This book is not just about a largish family, including a child with special needs, on an exquisitely average budget doing something audacious. This memoir is also intended to give readers courage to customize their own lives regardless of their current circumstances.”

THIS BOOK GIVES YOU A LOOK AT WHAT IS POSSIBLE AND THE COURAGE TO CUSTOMIZE YOUR OWN LIFE REGARDLESS OF YOUR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCE

See page 30 for "6 Surprising Things Sailing as a Family Taught Me About “Quality Time” by Emily Orton

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6 SURPRISING THINGS SAILING AS A FAMILY TAUGHT ME ABOUT “QUALITY TIME" by Emily Orton

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6 SURPRISING THINGS SAILING AS A FAMILY TAUGHT ME ABOUT “QUALITY TIME" One of the main reasons my husband and I decided to trade in our New York City life and bootstrap a year on a sailboat was to create memories with our five children then ages six to sixteen. I thought this simple lifestyle would make quality time easier. Here’s what I learned.

1. Put your family first on the calendar.

2. The relationship is the goal.

We mistakenly thought moving aboard a 38’ x 21’ sailboat with our children would automatically create the ideal circumstances for family time. We learned that no matter where you live, the first rule of calendars is that they tend to fill up. If family time is a priority, treat it that way by putting it on your calendar before the baby showers, birthday parties, and errands to the hardware store.

Our family sailed throughout the Caribbean, the British Virgin Islands, and the Bahamas. The kids’ favorite moments were times when, whether having a private conversation or solving a problem, we were fully present with each other. For example, our kids love remembering when our boat started sinking in the middle of the night and we had to work together. Whether it’s work or play, remember that the relationship is the goal.

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3. Make it routine. It’s easier to upgrade your current routine than start a new one. If you’re looking to upgrade your time as a family, think of something you already do regularly. Maybe it’s school drop off or eating a family meal. Whatever brings you together use that time to connect. Look each other in the eyes and say, ‘I love you’ or ask about the highs and lows of the day. It only takes a moment to transform an interaction into a connection.

4. Make it unique. My son still talks about the time we had Costco chicken nuggets for lunch because we ate them sitting under our dining table instead at the table. Your brain efficiently files similar experiences together, like the thousands of times you’ve locked the front door. Distinct memories, however, each get their own folder. They stand out. That’s one of the main reasons our family chose to live on a sailboat. You don’t have to go to those extremes to make moments special, but once in a while change things up. Your children will remember those unique moments.

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5. One on One is Good for the Whole

6. Get Over Your Destination Fever.

Our family of seven is a big crew. Living in small spaces, like a sailboat or our New York City apartment, it’s fun and practical to work and play as a whole family. However, on our sailing trip, I learned that the main thing each of my kids wanted from me was personal attention. Each of my children wanted to be seen, heard, and appreciated individually. When that was secure, the quantity of bickering decreased and the quality of time together as a whole family improved.

We obviously care a lot about quality time as a family. But anxiety can suck the joy out of our time together. When we started our sailing trip, we planned to spend two weeks prepping the boat and then really start our family time. But unforeseen engine issues kept us tied to one island for nearly three months. This unexpected delay could have soured our whole experience if we hadn’t relaxed and remembered number one agenda item—Connect. Our real goal was to create memories as a family, which we can do from anywhere.

WHEREVER YOU ARE, HAVING A FAMILY IS AN AMBITIOUS ADVENTURE. AND QUALITY TIME CAN FEEL LIKE AN ISLAND OVER THE HORIZON. HOPEFULLY, THESE SIMPLE IDEAS WILL HELP YOU FIND JOY IN THAT JOURNEY. HAPPY TRAVELS. Emily Orton blogs with her husband, Erik, at Fezywig.com. They are the co-authors of Seven at Sea: Why A New York City Family Cast Off Convention For A Life-Changing Year On A Sailboat now available everywhere books are sold.

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Giving Back ARTICLE

BYÂ JENNIFER

From a very young age, my daughter, Rayna, would save up her money throughout the year for a specific charity. She would set up a lemonade stand at the end of our laneway in the summer, and she would sew and sell her designs (she actually created her own company with the purpose of ending homelessness with the profits). She donated to the Children's Hospital, CAS, local shelters, etc. She volunteered to cook at the Ronald McDonald House and at a street mission close by. And now, as a 17 year-old, she spends her mornings at a seniors centre - and she tells me she gets way more out of it than the seniors do! Throughout the years, each of my kids have followed her lead - Cal has organized full day community charity events and on a recent trip, the younger boys planned to take all their allowance to give to the homeless. Thinking about their generosity got me thinking about what giving does for me. When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk! I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT! 36â&#x17D;&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

MCCALLUM

(AND

KIDS)

When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk! I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT!

Giving back is high on our priority list, because we feel good when we do it, we know we can make a difference to someone else, and we can focus on being grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we don't have. My takeaway from having such caring and giving kids, is that we can't afford not to give. There is so much need in the world, in our country, and in our community. The thing is, you don't need money to give, you don't need huge connections or a lot of time. You just need to find a cause that you are passionate about and get started. You are probably giving so much already and not even thinking about it. I made a list of 'Ways to Give' to help spark conversations with your kids, or just to remind you how much you are doing already to spread love, kindness, and good vibes right now in your backyard!

Ways to Give: spend time with others

sponsor a child

cook for others

donate to a charity of your choice

babysit for a friend

join forces with someone already collecting

collect and donate canned food

for others

grow extra veggies in your garden for the

play with cats and dogs at an animal shelter

food bank

make cards for kids in the hospital

smile at strangers

give blood

hug your family

feed the birds

bake for first responders

use your skills and become a mentor

save your allowance and shop for a family in

volunteer at your chid's school

need (you can contact your local food bank,

be kind and give compliments

Children's Aid Society, or street missions for

sew, knit, or crochet hats and scarves

ideas on what to buy)

How to Give: Brainstorm ideas and choose one

Contact the charity or organization to see what is needed

Let others know so they can get involved too! WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;37

9 THINGS CHILDREN NEED TO BE RESILIENT Michael Ungar, Ph.D.

The best parenting advice I’ve ever heard came from a six-year old girl named Trina who went to school with uncombed hair and mismatched socks. Trina was caught stealing candy from a corner store next to her school, pilfering gummy worms and sour tarts so she’d have something to give the other children on the playground to make them want to play with her. When gently asked what changed when she stole the candy, in a small voice she said, “I have friends.” It was a simple answer that reminds us what the research on resilience has been telling us for decades. Change a child’s world and give her what she needs to do well and she will almost always accept our invitation. In Trina’s case, the solution was to give her a space in her school where she was needed and others could see her as important. Once a week, Trina’s consequence for stealing was helping teach younger children their numbers in the Kindergarten. It might not have looked like a very serious consequence, but it was really a strategy to help Trina find many of the sources of resilience other children already had in their lives.

Here are nine things that all children need to succeed: 1. Structure: Our children feel most safe when they experience reasonable expectations and the structure that makes their lives predictable. Overwhelm a child with choices before she is ready and able to make decisions, and we create an anxious child who would prefer to throw a tantrum than admit she is feeling uneasy. A good parent provides just enough age-appropriate structure for a child to feel safe while offering the child opportunities to make decisions about things that matter. A younger child, for example, may not be able to choose what she eats, but she can choose between eating cucumbers (which she likes) and tomatoes (which she doesn’t).

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2. Consequences: Children need their caregivers to let them make mistakes, then help them to correct what they’ve done wrong. Good consequences let children fix problems they have the means to fix. I’ve seen children suggest clever ways of sharing toys, or asking for time alone, as solutions. The point is that children need opportunities to be held accountable for what they’ve done wrong and caregivers who are patient enough to let children find solutions everyone can live with. 3. A close and caring relationship with a parent: Children do best when they have someone in their life to whom they really matter. It may be a parent, but it can also be a grandparent or other extended family member. Too often, though, we think this person has to be the child’s mother, or father. When a family is in crisis because of some terrible news, it is unreasonable to put all that responsibility on a parent alone.

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YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND WE ARE HERE TO HELP It is possible to restore the relationship with your teen again. It is possible that you can find peace at home and joy in your heart. Come join us and walk the same path we did to find the answers to all of our worries. Wouldn't it feel good to feel good again?

For more details, visit our website at www.parentteens.club. For inquiries, contact us at (519) 645-7342 or at info@parentguide.ca

4. Lots and lots of positive relationships: After Wanda and Peter’s divorce and move to different cities, they needed to decide where their eight-year-old son was going to live. When I was asked to help, I took the time to find out which relationships meant the most to the boy. He was close to both his parents, but his school, his hockey team, and his extended family were much nearer to his Dad’s home than his mom’s. I recommended the boy spend as much time with his father as possible, not for the sake of his relationships just with his father, but also to ensure the boy didn’t lose other important sources of support. It was a very tough decision to make, but in the aftermath of a divorce or any other family crisis, children have taught me they can weather a crisis as long as they have plenty of people in their life who can help. Coaches, uncles and aunts, peers, and other adults can all play a role in ensuring a child’s resilience.

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5. A sense of control: According to ten-year-olds like Caitlin, a little say over our lives goes a long way. As Caitlin became progressively more visually impaired, her parents insisted she change schools. However, it was Caitlin who made the choice to stay right where she’d been all along and fight for a learning support worker to help her. 6. A powerful identity. After moving to a new community, fiveyear-old Ethan insisted on wearing his Halloween moose costume to school, to church and to bed every day for six weeks. A little inconvenient, but Ethan had found a way to get himself noticed and to tell everyone, “Hey, I’m here!” Children need powerful identities if they are going to feel good about themselves. Eventually the moose costume came off, just in time for the Santa hat.

7. Fair treatment: Let’s hear it for strong-willed little girls who remind the boys that they can play the same games they do. Let’s celebrate the child who challenges racial and ethnic stereotypes. I am awed by children like these, and others besides, who fight for their rights and social justice for all. 8. A sense of belonging. Five-year-old Alicia stopped her temper tantrums about the same time her mother asked her to start taking some genuine responsibility for her baby brother. A child who feels she belongs at home, at school, or within a faith community, is a child who is likely to feel good about herself and her contribution to the welfare of others. Belonging can also give a child a sense of her culture. Eight-year-old Amber was embarrassed to wear her traditional Pakistani clothes to school the day her grandfather drove her. She did it to please him, but she was dreading what her classmates would say. She needn’t have worried. That afternoon she proudly told her grandfather the other girls had thought she looked like a storybook princess. Offering children an opportunity to feel proud of their culture and heritage is a buffer against threats to their selfesteem.

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9. Safety. Even a delinquent 12-year-old like Campbell, whom I met after he’d run away from home, can be enticed to his parents’ dinner table by the promise of a good meal and the security of knowing he’s safe when he’s at home in bed. A child who gets his basic needs met is one that is going to feel good about himself even if he never says thank you to the adults in his life who make him feel that way.

Call it a nudge, or subtle manipulation, but the research is clear. When children’s caregivers provide them with nine essential ingredients for resilience, they are more likely to thrive.

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Michael Ungar, Ph.D., author of upcoming book, Change Your World: The Science of Resilience and the Path to Success (Sutherland House Books, May 2019) is a Family Therapist and the Canada Research Chair in Child, Family and Community Resilience at Dalhousie University. For the past two decades, Dr. Ungar’s work has influenced the way resilience is understood globally, helping to improve the capacity of children and adults to cope when faced with serious challenges. Dr. Ungar has written 15 books for parents, educators, researchers and policy makers, and authored more than 150 scholarly papers, all based on his research and clinical practice that has taken him to more than 40 countries. His blog, Nurturing Resilience, can be read on Psychology Today’s website.

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Eco Friendly Design Ideas

BY MAUD MACIAK OF MAGNIFIQUE HOMES HTTPS://MAGNIFIQUEHOMES.COM/

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5 Eco Friendly Design Ideas For Your Family BY

MAUD

MACIAK

MAGNIFIQUE

HOMES

We all want what is best for our family! This is why we spend some time choosing carefully what we eat, incorporating exercises into our routine and protecting ourselves from harmful things like well-known chemicals and materials.Â Therefore, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s logical to spend a little time looking into what we really live with! Did you know that new pillow you scored half price, that amazing rug you bought from a "trusted" wellknown brand... they might actually not be truly organic and made with harmful materials! When I started looking into my son's nursery, I discovered that there is several simple ways to protect him by choosing the right materials and looking for specific markers. But moreso, I made a mission in my home to eliminate as much as possible all the things that could hurt us, adults, as well. WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 47

Maud Maciak Mom of a toddler, busy business owner of Magnifique Homes and someone with a strong love for entertaining... I know how busy and messy life can be! I have a passion to help people to love their home, by creating chic, comfortable and thoughtful interiors.

PARENTGUIDE.CA

Here are my personal 4 favorite items to transform your home into a more eco-friendly space and create healthy and beautiful atmosphere for your family! 1. Organic Rug Organic rugs use to be dreadfully ugly

4. Bamboo Mattress

(heavy knitted, colors that didn't fit a classy

This one is a must. If you decide to take

home). But thankfully to this new green

action and can only replace one item in your

weave in the design industry.

home, go for the mattress!

2. Low VOC Paint

5. Ikea Galore

Often used for a nursery, it is rarely used in

If you were not an Ikea fanatic already, here

main spaces. Why? Just ease of use really! I

should be a reason to look into becoming

say why not use the same treatment you give

one :) They have made a commitment for all

to your new baby's health to everyone in the

new sofas to be without flame retardants,

entire house!

ultimately reducing the amount of chemicals

in their furniture. Ikea is an amazing source

3. Hanging Chair

for every budget and room of every size for

Organic fibers like macrame can be super

non-toxic sofa. So Have fun, they even have

eco-friendly and usually bring a ton of fun

a kids playground in most locations.

into any decor. PARENTGUIDE.CA|

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"My child just told me they are gay? What should I do?" Click to find out!

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smoothies made simple 5 MIN RECIPES

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TRIPLE BERRY SMOOTHIE INGREDIENTS 1 cup cranberry-raspberry juice 8 ounces fresh strawberries, hulled and quartered (1 1/2 cups) 6 ounces fresh raspberries (1 1/4 cups) 4 ounces fresh blueberries (3/4 cup) 1 medium ripe banana, cut into large chunks 1 cup vanilla yogurt 12 ice cubes DIRECTIONS Place ingredients in blender jar in order listed.

Cover and blend on AUTO SMOOTHIE setting or PULSE a few times, then blend on HIGH for 30 to 45 seconds. TEST KITCHEN TIP: Try different combinations of fresh berries and juice to make new flavors of smoothies. HTTPS://WWW.HAMILTONBEA CH.CA/TRIPLE-BERRYSMOOTHIE

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For more details, visit our website at www.parentteens.club. For inquiries, contact us at (519) 645-7342 or at info@parentguide.ca

Is it Aaquick Fever? fever guide...

PRIN this T page

IS IT A FEVER? When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you

Method

Normal Temperature

think your child has a fever,

Rectum

38°C (100.4°F)

use a thermometer. Your

Mouth

37.5°C (99.5°F)

child has a fever if their

Armpit

37.3°C (99.1°F)

temperature is above the

Ear

38°C (100.4°F)

number listed here:

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How to take a temperature: Use one thermometer for rectal and one for taking oral temperatures Do not use glass or mercury thermometers, use digital or

Resources:

plastic thermometers instead

Is it an Emergency?

Forehead thermometers are not as accurate as other

Call 9-1-1 or go to your local

methods for taking temperatures

hospital

For more information on how to correctly take a temperature, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca

Who to contact if your child has a fever: Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor

Need a Family Doctor? Call Health Care Connect 1-800-445-1822 www.ontario.ca/page/find-

when they have a fever Call your health care provider if your baby is older than six months and the fever does not go away after 72 hours

family-doctor-or-nursepractitioner

(three days), or your baby has a fever combined with a rash or any other signs of illness that worry you Talk to a Registered Nurse, at Telehealth Ontario 1-866797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007); available 24 hours a day, seven days a week

In an emergency situation, call 9-1-1

What to do if your child has a fever:

Want to speak with a Registered Nurse? Call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007)

Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever If your child is older than six months, then give more to drink (such as breast milk or water) Take off extra clothing and blankets, leave enough to avoid shivering check your child's temperature often

What NOT to do if your child has a fever: Do not give medication unless recommended by your health care provider Do not give Aspirin or Acetylsalicylic Acid (ASA) to a child or teenager with a fever Do not use alcohol rubs or baths and sponging with water to lower a child's fever

Other signs your child may be sick: Acting differently (tired, weak, sleepy, loss of appetite, fussy, or a lot of crying) A runny nose Coughing Vomiting Rash Difficulty breathing Diarrhea Change in skin colour (pale or looks yellow)

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA â&#x17D;&#x;57

Parent Resources Navigating the internet to find the right resources can be a daunting task. We want to make life easier for you!!! Below is a simplified list of where you can start to find the resources across Ontario, Canada. If you are not in Ontario, and you are searching for a resource in your area, contact us at info@parentguide.ca. You are NEVER alone…please reach out, connect with others, find out what your options are, and equip yourself with this list! EMERGENCY 9-1-1 In an emergency, please call 9-1-1 ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH, AND PROBLEM GAMBLING SERVICES BounceBack Ontario TOLL-FREE: 1-866-345-0224 www.bouncebackontario.ca BounceBack®: Reclaim your health is a free skill-building program designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.

PRINT THESE PAGES

ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE Assaulted Women’s Helpline TOLL-FREE 1.866.863.0511 TOLL-FREE TTY 1.866.863.7868 #SAFE (#7233) on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone www.awhl.org To provide free, 24/7 crisis counselling, emotional support, information and referrals via telephone to women in up to 200 languages - completely anonymous and confidential. CHILD CARE AND SCHOOLING Ontario Ministry of Education www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education The Ministry is responsible for early years, child care and publicly funded education from kindergarten to Grade 12. OneList https://onehsn.com/home/childcare Available in most areas across Ontario WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟59

COMMUNITY INFORMATION

HEALTH

Call 2-1-1 211ontario.ca 211 is a helpline and website that provides information on and referrals to Ontarioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s community, social, health-related and government services.

Health Care Options www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

DISTRESS Distress and Crisis Ontario www.dcontario.org Distress Centres offer support and a variety of services. At a Distress Centre you can find a listening ear for lonely, depressed, and/or suicidal people, usually 24/7. Many centres also have Suicide Survivor programs, support services for youth, telephone call out programs for seniors and vulnerable people, mental health Crisis Lines services and much more.

Telehealth Ontario Toll-free: 1-866-797-0000 Toll-free TTY: 1-866-797-0007 Telehealth Ontario is only offered over the phone. Email advice is not available. Free, confidential service - call to get health advice or information. A Registered Nurse will take your call 24/7. HELP FOR KIDS Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 www.kidshelpphone.ca Kids Help Phone is Canada's only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. Search their extensive resource list, Phone, live chat, App. HELP FOR POST-SECONDARY STUDENTS Good2Talk 1-866-925-5454, or call 2-1-1 Free, confidential helpline providing professional counselling and information and referrals for mental health, addictions and well-being to post-secondary students in Ontario, 24/7/365.

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INFANT FEEDING & NUTRITION LGBTQ+ La Leche League Canada 1-800-665-4324 www.lllc.ca To encourage, promote and provide motherto-mother breastfeeding support and educational opportunities as an important contribution to the health of children, families and society. Public Health www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more. Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 TTY: 1-866-797-0007

LGBT YouthLine 1.800.268.9688 www.youthline.ca Youth Line offers confidential and nonjudgemental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4:00PM to 9:30 PM. Check out their amazing list of resources: www.youthline.ca/get-support/linksresources POISON Ontario Poison Centre 1-800-268-9017 www.ontariopoisoncentre.ca Assists if you think that you or someone you love has been exposed to a dangerous substance. SUICIDE If you are in crisis, and you are feeling suicidal, or think someone else is: • Contact your/their doctor • Go to the nearest hospital • Find a local crisis line • Find a mobile crisis team • Call a Distress Centre • Call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000 • 211 • Canadian Mental Health Association • Kids Help Phone

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