ParentGuide - Spring 2021

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DIVORCE

how to tell the kids

SPRING 2021

PARENTGUIDE

bye, bye DUMMY

AKA 'the pacifier'

ONLINE

safety

working with a

Parent Coach

mindfulness during COVID



WELCOME Welcome to the Spring Edition! I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us! Within the pages of this magazine you will find: unique parenting perspectives a community of love and support articles that answer your toughest questions and resources that you can count on Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone! We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey. Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group. You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier. See you inside.

Jennifer XOXO Jennifer, Mom and Founder of Parent Guide.

P.S. If you are a parent of a teen you will want to check out our new TEEN issue. Click here to access it now! 50 Happy Parenting! 69

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentcoach.club


THANK YOU! I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out! And, you...here, taking time out of your crazy, busy day to spend time with us! Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel! And, I really want to get to know you all better. So, here are a few ways that we can stay connected, work together, and if I am lucky, maybe we can even become friends!

Jennifer McCallum Founder of Parent Guide

Let's Connect Are you a Parent Coach? Become a Parent Coach Club Member Connect with parents and other Parent Coaches. Build your business and surround yourself with others that lift you up and support you! https://www.parentcoach.club/ Want to write for us? We are always looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and expert advice for our parent community. We talk about real issues for modern parents. No fluff - just good, solid advice, examples, stories, and ideas to help make parenting just a bit easier. Contact me at: info@parentguide.ca

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentcoach.club

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WHAT'S INSIDE 04 COVID Printables 09 Bye, Bye Dummy 15 Find a Parent Coach

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16 Dr. Juliet Marciano 18 Divorce - How to tell the kids 22 Deborah Porter 24 Mindfulness 30 Sylvia Corzato 36 Wanda Robichaud 38 Computers

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42 Is it a Fever? 44 Parent Resources 50 Find Support

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51 Marketplace

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PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentcoach.club

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C O V ID- 1 9

PRINTABLES






GROWING UP

Bye, Bye

DUMMY

When that pushback hits, and your toddler starts to lose it a little, my advice is distract, distract, distract. By Jill Lawson | Five Star Sleepers


Letting Go of The Dummy! Let me just say before I get rolling here, that I’m not strictly anti-dummy.I mean, what mother could be? We’ve all been saved from a major baby meltdown by the quick introduction of a dummy into baby’s mouth at the right moment. Maybe they missed their sleep window by a little bit and were getting a bit cranky, maybe they got an unexpected bump on the head, or you had to swoop in and take the dog treat out of their mouth, and just before they go into a tantrum, in goes the dumy, and like magic, all is well.

Dummies have benefits beyond preventing tantrums, as well. The Lullaby Trust found that dummies can reduce the risk of SIDS, so given that very substantial and important consideration, I’m making the following recommendations based on the supposition thatyour baby’s over a year old. That doesn’t mean this is irrelevant if your little one’s younger than that, but just make sure you’ve carefully considered the pros and cons of taking away the dummy before you make a decision.So here’s the conundrum from a sleep expert’s point of view; dummies can become a problem when it comes to sleep. If baby’s accustomed to falling asleep with a dummy in, they almost always end up waking up in the night after it’s fallen out, and they kick up a fuss until mom gets up, finds it, and pops it back in their mouth.

So first off, let’s look at why baby can’t just fall asleep with a dummy in and then peacefully sleep through the night, and then we can look at some strategies for getting rid of the dummy if you and baby are ready to take the plunge.


Sleep, for babies and adults alike, comes in cycles. Many of us are under the assumption that we fall asleep at the start of the night, go into a deeper sleep as the night goes on, then gradually come out of it as the morning rolls around. It’s true that we go from light sleep to deep sleep and then back again, but it happens several times a night, depending on how long you sleep for. For adults, a full-cycle typically takes somewhere between 90 and 120 minutes. For a baby, it’s closer to 50 minutes. *If your baby won’t go to sleep at bedtime without a dummy in their mouth, then there’s a distinct possibility that they’re reliant on that dummy to get to sleep. When they get to the end of a sleep cycle, they get into that very light stage of sleep and might actually wake up, at which point, they’re still tired, but they might have trouble getting back to sleep because, “Hey! Where’s the dummy? I can’t get to sleep without my dummy!”

And if they can’t find it, or they haven’t figured out how to put it in on their own yet, they’re going to get upset because they can’t get back to sleep, and they’re going to start crying for someone to come and rectify the situation. And that, right there, is the definition of what we in the sleep consulting field call a “sleep prop.” Sometimes it's feeding, sometimes it’s rocking, sometimes it’s some crazy combination of a bunch of things, but essentially it’s something that baby relies on in order to get to sleep that they can’t provide on their own when they wake up in the night. More than anything, that’s the secret to sleeping through the night. Getting rid of sleep props is, hands down, the most important component to getting your little one sleeping peacefully from the time you put them to bed until they wake up, happy and refreshed, in the morning. So if you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s IT! That’s exactly what’s happening with my baby!” then you’re probably going to want to take some steps to get rid of that dummy, and I’ve got a few tips to get you through the process as quickly and peacefully as possible. When it comes to breaking bad habits, I’m a cold-turkey advocate, and this situation is no different. Toddlers do better with absolutes than they do with moderation, so my advice to parents is almost always to just pick a day to make the change, explain it to your little one, and then put all the dummies in the rubbish. Toddlers can often adjust to new situations remarkably easily so long as things are clear and consistent, so don’t save one for emergencies or just-in-case scenarios, because it will be too easy for you to fall back on the dummy to get a quick solution if your baby is having trouble sleeping, and then you’re just causing confusion.


Make sure to present the change as a very exciting and positive occasion. Jill Lawson, Five Star Sleepers


Alright, you’ve made the decision, you’ve explained the situation to your toddler, you’ve signed a mental contract with yourself that you’re not going to do it by half measures, and you’re ready to go all-in. What’s next? Now’s the time to flex those creative muscles and come up with a plan. How are you going to spin this change in a positive way? Toddlers typically embrace the idea of growing into “big kids,” so marking it as a milestone can be a big help.Make sure to present the change as a very exciting and positive occasion. This is a bit of a dirty parenting trick, but you could round this off with the introduction of a “Dummy Fairy,’ by telling your toddler that the Dummy Fairy is coming to collect all of their dummies and, in exchange, is going to leave them a special surprise. Whether that’s something that your little one will embrace, I leave up to your discretion.

One quick side note here: I’ve seen a lot of situations where parents with a toddler and a newborn or younger sibling in the house will give the older baby’s dummy to the younger one. On its face, this seems like a good idea, but it can breed some resentment from your toddler when they see their younger sibling sucking on their dummy. If you’re able to, get rid of your toddler’s dummies and get different ones for the younger child. So, you’ve laid the groundwork, your little one has grasped what’s going on, and the house is now dummyfree. Now you’re going to want to brace yourself because in about 99% of all cases, your toddler’s going to go a little bit bananas while they adjust to the new reality. It’s nothing to be concerned about, we all get a little irritable when we’re breaking a habit, but I just want you to be aware that it’s almost never a seamless transition. There’s going to be some pushback. When that pushback hits and your toddler starts to lose it a little, my advice is to distract, distract, distract. Keep some of their favorite treats on standby, have the iPad cartoons at the ready, and when they start to fuss about the lack of a dummy, quickly turn their attention to something else.


You can acknowledge their frustration, offer them as much comfort and support as they need, but don’t apologize or give in. Remember that you’re the authority figure here and if you’ve decided that the dummy is a thing of the past, that’s the way it is. Giving them a dummy at this stage is only going to reinforce the idea that crying or fussing is an effective tool for getting their way. Every toddler is obviously a unique individual, so use these guidelines in conjunction with your intuition, and within a few nights, maybe a week at the outside, your little one should be Binky-free, and your whole family should be enjoying the benefits of those glorious, sleep-filled nights. https://www.sleepfoun dation.org/babysleep/baby-sleep-cycle


WHEN YOU NEED HELP

FIND A PARENT COACH Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.

WHERE TO LOOK www.ParentCoach.Club Search by professional, location, pricing, and topic. Support offered online.


o n a i c r a M t e i l u J Dr. MINDSET COACH FOR PARENTS

What do you do? As a Mindset Coach for Parents and a PCI Certified Parent Coach®, I help parents gather the information and develop the skills they need to reclaim the joy of parenting, no matter what challenges they face or struggles they encounter, and then lead their family to thrive!

What issues do you deal with?

I support parents of children with special needs and extra needs. This includes any child with a physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, or learning difference or a family going through a challenging situation such as a divorce.

How can you help? My coaching is a strength-based, positive focused process. Using my 6 step “Path to Possibility” I incorporate general parenting topics as well as exploring the concepts of mindfulness, neuroscience, resilience, conscious parenting, problemsolving, motivation, self-care, managing a healthy relationship with digital media and screen technology, and more! The first step involves a shift in mindset and perspective, and we go from there!


What can I expect? We start with a 20 minute complimentary consultation call to discuss your family’s challenges and how your family will benefit from coaching. I offer coaching through phone or video calls in a variety of situations from a 2-hour focused call to a 12-week individual coaching program. As your coach, I am a compassionate, non-judgmental partner who works with you to bring about your family’s transformation! After working with me, parents enjoy their parenting experience more. Not only are they calmer, but they are better able to accept and embrace their children for who they are, build and maintain connection with their children, and feel confident as they face any challenges that arise.

What my client's say about me...

“I wish I had met her 10 years ago! She ‘gets it’ and she understands my struggles and doesn’t judge me for my mistakes.” C. U. -parent of 2 "After working with Juliet, for the first time in a long time, I’m not afraid of our future and I’m enjoying my children!” J. H.- parent of 2 “Working with Juliet gave me hope that my children will be ok, even with all the challenges we are facing as a family.” S. M. Parent of 2 “Before we finished the first call, I was feeling better already!” M.H. “Juliet has always been so helpful, caring, and knowledgeable when guiding me through some challenging parenting times. She has helped me to understand, that my job is to help my kids figure out who they are, at their core, and to support them in being the best version of themselves. With Jul’s coaching, I have become a more confident parent.” - H.P. - Mother of 2

All about Dr. Juliet! How can I find you?

Book a Call! Click here!


Divorcing? Find out how to tell the kids! Now that you’ve made the decision to separate or divorce, one of the most distressing aspects for parents is figuring out “how to tell the children”.

some unavoidable hurts, and if you can support your children and help them process it, you can minimize the trauma of this experience.

When you’re a parent, you’ll have many conversations with your children and you’re never sure which ones will “stick”. It may not seem fair, but when you tell your children about your divorce, most likely that will be a conversation they will never forget. Most parents think they’ll just “sit them down and tell them” and they muddle through it, not realizing how important this conversation will be. It’s very important to spend some time planning this conversation, and you may want to work with a parent coach or counselor to help you with working out the details.

Here are a few general guidelines to use when you are planning this important conversation:

For many parents this conversation is fraught with emotion because you will intentionally and knowingly be telling your children something that will “hurt” and from that point forward, life will be different. But, in life, there are

If both parents cannot calmly share the news together, then it would be better for one parent to share the news if it means it can be done in a more sensitive, loving manner.

Who should tell them and who gets told? Ideally both parents should tell the children together with both parents prepared to work as a team and calmly give the news. This needs to be done without angry outbursts, arguing, added tension, or negative comments. Be respectful of your children. This is not the time to show anger or contempt for your partner.

By Dr. Juliet Marciano, Mindset Coach for Parents

If both parents cannot calmly share the news together, then it would be better for one parent to share the news if it means it can be done in a more sensitive, loving manner.


All children should be told at the same time if it’s possible. All children should be told at the same time if it’s possible. If there are younger children that won’t be able to understand all the information, you may need to have one conversation with all the children together, and a separate one for older children to cover more information. If there are children that are no longer living at home, you may not be able to tell them all together. If telling the children separately, they should be told very close in time so that one child isn’t burdened with the information and forced to keep a secret from a sibling. Also, remember that your children may benefit from supporting each other through this, so if their siblings don’t know, they lose that resource.

Where should you tell your children? Choose a place that is private, quiet, and calm. Don’t choose a public place to share this news. Find a place at home that can help your children be calm and comfortable. Be physically available to offer hugs and affection. You may need to have children sitting next to you on a couch or have younger children on your lap.

When should you tell your children? If you’re making plans to separate or divorce, be mindful of the fact that even if you think you and your partner are being discrete and private, once you start telling others, you have no control over the information. You may be cautious that your children can’t overhear your conversations, but your friends and family may not have the same level of care when discussing it in their homes. You don’t want your children to learn about your divorce from a cousin, a playmate, a classmate, a neighbor, or a friend. You have a responsibility to tell them before they find out from someone else. If you have decided to move forward with a separation or divorce, you need to tell your children that there will be changes in their lives and share the details in a timely fashion. Be mindful of the fact that children pick up on things, and it will be confusing for them when they notice something “is going on” or “different” between the parents, and they don’t know what it is. Sometimes children use their imagination to “fill in the blanks”; often imagining a worsecase scenario or assuming something is their fault. It’s better for them to know the facts than suffer with the questions and doubts. The timing in relation to when changes will happen can be somewhat complicated. Telling them a parent will be moving out gives them a chance to accept

and get used to the idea before it happens but telling them too far ahead of time may be confusing and cause added anxiety. This will be something that needs to be discussed over time and taking into account the developmental stages and needs of the children. When you do tell your children, pick a time when you can spend time together afterward with no other commitments. Weekends are best if you can be available. If possible, tell them at the start of a weekend so you’ll be around for them to talk to during the immediate days after the talk. Avoid telling them on holidays or “special days” since this event will always be connected to that day in the future. Don’t tell them before school or bedtime or before an event.

What should you tell your children? Give your children the information they need to be informed about what is happening to your family. Your children should be told that you are separating or divorcing, if that is the decision you have reached. Many people don’t have all the details figured out yet about living situations but the less uncertainty, the better They should be told if a parent is moving out, and when and where, if that is known. If you are sure that you will be selling the house or moving, they should be given that information and the potential time frame. If that information isn’t known yet, the children should be reassured that when you know the details, they will be told. If some things will be the same, share those details as well. They will want to know who they will live with or what schedule you have in place, if they have to move or change schools, and how their day-to-day life will be affected.


Be very clear that divorce is never because of anything that happens with the children and children can’t stop it from happening. This is especially important in families where the children have extra needs or special needs because so much “stress” in the household can be misinterpreted as stemming from those needs. It’s important to reassure those children and their siblings that the divorce isn’t because of that.

Neither parent should be “blamed” for the divorce. Reassure the children that divorce is a grown-up decision that you have reached together with careful consideration. You can share that you don’t love each other anymore in the way married people do or that you have decided that the family will be better if the parents are not living together in a marriage relationship anymore, but any further “grown-up details” do not need to be shared. Remind them that even if the parents are no longer married or together in a relationship, the parents will always love the children. That never changes. It seems obvious, but children need to hear it. It also sends the message that the parent-child relationships will be ongoing and makes it clear that the child doesn’t have to fear losing a parent or “betraying” one parent if they continue to love both of them.

There is certain information the children should not be told. Children should not hear about suspected or confirmed infidelity, legal or financial information, accusations between parents, and other inappropriate information. Also, don’t make promises that you can’t keep. It’s better to say, “We’re not sure about that yet”, than to promise them something and then disappoint them which may affect their trust in you. Reassure your children that even though things will be different, you all will be ok. Acknowledge that this may be painful news for them to hear and they may be sad now, but you are going to work through this together.

What should you expect when you tell them? Even though everyone in your family is affected by your divorce, not everyone is affected in the same way or to the same degree. The individual needs and perspective of each member of your family should be addressed with empathy and compassion and without judgement. You should be prepared for outbursts, tantrums, tears, and yelling. You want to stay as calm as possible and respond with compassion and empathy, not punishment, threats, criticisms, and name calling. This is shocking and painful news, and your children are responding to that.

Reassure your children that even though things will be different, you all will be ok. Respect that their life as they knew it is over; it won’t be the same. That is a loss to them. You may be confident that good things may come of it and they will be ok. But it is a loss of the family living together as a unit, separate from all others. They are losing that entity and whatever they feel about it is okay. Be prepared for a variety of comments, questions, and emotions. Your children may have a variety of different feelings, including sadness, anger, grief, worry, curiosity, and in some families, relief. Even in families where the news isn’t “surprising” it may still be shocking, because most children hold out hope that somehow their parents will be able to work things out. Be prepared for comments like, “You’re selfish!”, “You didn’t think of us!”, and “How could you do this to us?” You may even hear, “I’m glad that you’re leaving”. Remember, many parents have had time to get used to the idea and prepare themselves for this divorce. If you were someone who suddenly found yourself divorcing, you may have had some of the same initial responses, so give your children the courtesy of respecting how shocking and painful this news can be for them, even if there was a lot of fighting and conflict in the relationship. If your child has a mental health challenge such as anxiety or depression, this may cause a worsening of symptoms and, if they are under the care of a therapist, you should enlist their support with this process.


It helps to ask your children what they know about divorce- it gives you an idea of what they may be thinking when they have concerns or worries. They may be thinking of a friend whose parents divorced and they moved out of state never to be seen again, or a family where the parents had very high conflict divorce with a lot of screaming and fighting and they think that’s what will happen to them. You can’t address their concerns unless you know what they are. After you tell your children, give them permission to share the news and go to others for help. This is a great opportunity for family members or friends to support your children. Children will want to know others that have gone through divorce and what that experience was for them. They may need to talk about an issue they don’t want to bring to you at this time and having the support of other adults is always beneficial.

What happens next? Divorce is an ongoing process, and the conversations about your divorce will be an ongoing conversation for years, and perhaps decades! Some children will ask a lot of questions, and some will say nothing, but all of your children will need to be reassured and encouraged (without pressure) to talk to you about the divorce. Reading books and watching TV shows and movies that include divorced families may help with this process. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your children. Reassure them and encourage them to share their feelings, concerns, and fears with you so you can offer support and compassion. Validate their experiences, no matter what they bring to you. Avoid the temptation to disregard, negate,

or minimize their feelings or their reality just because you’re uncomfortable hearing about them. If you can just sit with your children and support them through their feelings, without feeling the need to fix things, take away their pain, or make it right, that actually has immense value. It teaches your children that pain is ok; it’s part of life. They can get through it and be ok. They’ll learn that they can survive and thrive through challenges in life, you’ll be available as a support to them, and they’re not alone. Those are the exact messages you want them to receive as you lead your family through a divorce!

If you can just sit with your children and support them through their feelings, without feeling the need to fix things, take away their pain, or make it right, that actually has immense value.

Dr. Juliet Marciano, Mindset Coach for Parents, PCI Certified Parent Coach®, retired Pediatrician, supports parents of children with special and extra needs (including divorce) so that they can reclaim the joy of parenting no matter what challenges they face or struggles they encounter. After working with Juliet, parents have a calmer, more conscious, more connected, and more confident parenting experience. You can learn more about how she supports parents including her 2-hour “How Do We tell the Children” coaching call here.

Book a 2-hour “How Do We tell the Children” coaching call with Dr.Juliet today. This could make all the difference.


r e t r o P h Debora MOM COACH

What do you do? I support moms who feel overwhelmed and lost in motherhood and at times wonder who they are. The girl you were before having kids, her dreams and goals still matter. We get to work creating the strategies and systems that will support you in creating the atmosphere you want and a life that you love.

What issues do you deal with? Overwhelm, Faith, Confidence, Finding Peace, Raising Daughters/Sons

How can you help? I provide strategies and systems to help you gain the clarity you seeking on what needs to be done, building confidence in yourself and your instincts as a mom and woman and finding the courage to determine what it is you need and how to get it.

What can I expect? I offer a FREE 30 min. strategy call after filling out the application to work with me. If we decide to work together, we will begin scheduling calls and I will provide you access to the curriculum. Apply here: bit.ly/letschatmom


About me... I am the wife of my college sweetheart Clif, for 30 years and mother of 3 adult children 29, 25, 23 and a bonus son. Currently, a regular guest contributor on Virginia This Morning on CBS WTVR and you can read my guest blogs on CollegiateParent here https://www.collegiateparent.com/author/debor ah-porter/ . We are enjoying the empty nest phase and love when we get to spend time with our adult children.

All about Deborah! How can I find you?


THE BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS By Elena Joy, Pride and Joy Foundation WHAT CAN MINDFULNESS BRING US? WELL, I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY OWN EXPERIENCE. ONCE YOU'VE HEARD THAT, I THINK YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY I FEEL SO PASSIONATE ABOUT IT.


In my teachings, I use the word "Mindfulness", "SelfAwareness", and "Emotional Intelligence" interchangeably. It usually is determined by who is in the audience and what term is most relatable for them. It's the same thing for me and my teachings. This video goes through the top four benefits of selfawareness/mindfulness/emo tional intelligence: freedom, improved relationships, increased love, and the ability to be completely content with my current life while remaining totally committed to an incredible future. So let's jump right into it. What is mindfulness? It's a vague, nebulous, weird word, that's being thrown around all over the place. Mindfulness will mean something different to everyone. We’re going to explore different definitions and you're going to take in what works for you and let go of the rest go. For the purposes of communication within the class, mindfulness will be defined as the intentional observation of our thoughts and actions without judgment.

What can mindfulness bring us? Well, I'm just going to tell you about my own experience. Once you've heard that, I think you'll understand why I feel so passionate about it. First, mindfulness brought me freedom. Once I observed how much I was judging myself, so much awareness opened up to me. It was like I had blinders on and all of a sudden, not all of a sudden, it took some time, but they fell away. My reality had been really small. And now it's huge. Let me give you an example, an analogy that might make this clearer. So, imagine reality is like a picture that you've taken on your phone, just a snapshot, right? Maybe it took a picture of what's going on in your living room right now. That's just reality. What's on the phone is reality. Nothing better, nothing worse. Just reality. As humans, we put a filter on that photo, like an Instagram filter, right? We all do it. It's a natural gut reaction. We're probably always going to do it. We put a filter on that reality so we can understand it. It doesn't change the reality, filters go on top of the photo. They don't change the data within the photo. They just change how the data is being seen. Hopefully, that makes sense. So mindfulness allows me to see the filter, which gives me freedom.

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MY FILTER'S GOING TO BE THERE REGARDLESS, BUT ONCE I'M AWARE OF MY FILTER, I GET TO CHOOSE HOW IT SHOWS ME MY REALITY. ELENA JOY


I didn't even know it was there before now. Now I know there's a reality and there's the filter that goes on top of reality. And I get to choose what that filter does. Does it make reality really bright and pop? Does it increase the contrast? So the colors are really bright and vibrant, right? Is my filter dulling the colors, changing the shadows to a different color? Or making certain things just kind of fade away into the background. My filter's going to be there regardless, but once I'm aware of my filter, I get to choose how it shows me my reality. We can totally delve into more if you want to just drop a comment. All right. So, the first thing mindfulness did for me was brought me freedom because I could finally see the filter that I was looking through for my reality. The second thing it did for me is to improve my relationships. I realized how much I was judging others because of how much I was judging myself. Once I realized how much I was judging myself, then it was like, Oh my gosh, there's a lot of thoughts in here that are judging others. And these are people I love. These are my children, this is my partner. This is my best friend. I didn't realize I had all these judging thoughts. 90% of the thoughts were judgments about myself, right? It just makes sense that the next stage of that is to judge the people that are around you. And when we judge it creates a good enough vs. not good enough reality, right? The very act of judging says, "this is good and this is not so good." When we do it to ourselves, that's where those feelings of not being good enough come from. When we do it to others, they feel that too, even when we're doing it subconsciously and we don't realize it. The third thing that I got from mindfulness was love. It's so broad of a term but so powerful, loving ourselves is truly the only way that we can receive love from others and really express love to others in the most powerful and direct ways. Self-love is a huge, massive concept, but it will be affected through mindfulness. It begins with mindfulness. The last thing that I got from mindfulness is my ability to both love my current reality and be committed to an amazing future. I used to feel like progress was the only way to happiness. The only way I could earn progress was by progressing and becoming a better person than I was yesterday.

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That doesn't sound bad, right? Like that's what we all want. We all want to get better in 20 years. We want to be a better person tomorrow than we are today. But what that created for me was I had to figure out what was wrong with my current reality so I could fix it and become better. So I had to focus on what's wrong in my current reality, figuring out the solution which I can do. I'm a smart woman. Then I work for the solution, which I can do. I'm a hard worker. Then I can create a better future and that's going to equal happiness. Except I don't live in the future. I live in the present. Mindfulness has allowed me to embrace my present, and be fully committed to an amazing future. Being content and being committed can coexist. It's awesome.

Mindfulness is the intentional observation of our thoughts and our actions without judgment. That is mindfulness for the purpose of the class. But again, we're going to be discussing what it means to all kinds of different people. And you are going to be able to pick and choose what works for you and what does not. Mindfulness brought me freedom because I was finally able to see the filter through that I was looking at reality. It brought me improved relationships. It brought me love and it brought me both contentment and commitment.

THE PRIDE AND JOY FOUNDATION IS DEDICATED TO BUILDING SELF-AWARENESS AND SAFETY IN LGBTQ FAMILIES AND THEIR ALLIES. THE EDUCATION RESOURCES TEACH CONCEPTS SUCH AS CORE VALUES, LIMITING BELIEFS, AND SELF-AWARENESS IN AN AFFORDABLE AND ACCESSIBLE WAY.



o t a z r o C a Syvli SUCCESS IN STEPS

What do you do? Parent Consultant | Behaviour Coach | Speaker | Founder of Success in Steps

What issues do you deal with? ADD/ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Autism, Learning Disabilities, Parent-Child Interaction, NonCompliance/ Defiance, Parenting, School Problems, Stress Management

How can you help? Success in Steps helps overwhelmed and frustrated parents spend less time on challenges and behaviours and more time enjoying their family. Success in Steps, parent consulting and behaviour coaching helps families achieve their family goals through a multi-disciplinary approach. Supporting you, the parents understand not only the reason/ 'why' behind the behaviour but what's maintaining it as well. Services are focused on both the parents' and children's strengths and needs as a whole so that the positive impacts can benefit the entire family.


What can I expect? Success in Steps offer parent consulting that acts as your personalized self-help book, customized to your family's unique situation, needs and goals. You can access services through our 1:1 individual consultation or in participating in one of our two parenting programs. Click to find out more!

What Parents Have to Say: My family had an extremely positive experience with Sylvia. She showed us the highest level of professionalism, understanding, and patience. Sylvia always took the time to answer all of our questions and any concerns we had. I especially appreciated the video conferencing, and her willingness to work with my family's schedule. Thank you Sylvia, for your guidance and incredible support! Sylvia is a compassionate, dedicated and extremely knowledgeable professional who helped us implement specific strategies in our family. We feel much more confident now as parents and the stress level in our family has gone down so much! We are grateful for everything she has done for us! Sylvia was extremely knowledgable and helpful in finding a solution when it came to my daughter's behaviour. She provided us with easy tools to guide her, which in the end made us feel more confident in our parenting style. I highly recommend her to anyone seeking a patient and resourceful parent consultant.

Teaching your Child Empathy How can I find you?


WHAT IS A PARENT COACH?

A parent coach is a person who helps parents with challenges they may have while they are raising their kids. Parent Coaches work with specific behaviours by offering unique perspectives around family situations. Parent Coaches help uncover the root of the issue and offer strategies to shift behaviour and relationships within the family. Parent Coaches help families achieve their goals either in person, or online through group or individual sessions. FIND A COACH AT WWW.PARENTCOACH.CLUB WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟31


WHEN YOU NEED HELP

FIND A PARENT COACH Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.

WHERE TO LOOK www.ParentCoach.Club Search by professional, location, pricing, and topic. Support offered online.




d u a h c i b o Wanda R WANDA ZEN MAMA, PARENT COACH

What do you do? I support parents of spirited children under six to discover their inner Zen Master

What issues do you deal with? Conscious parenting, behaviour and tantrums, parent and child connection, siblings

How can you help? Many of us didn’t grow up with a model of what conscious parenting looks like. This makes it really difficult to stay calm and know what to do when we feel triggered by our child’s big emotions. I help the Mom’s I work with to release the mom guilt, parent with confidence and have a better a relationship with their kids by mastering behaviour management, communication skills and mindset.

What can I expect? I offer a free 30-minute call to map out your needs and see if we are a good fit. If we go forward you can expect weekly zoom calls and ongoing email support. I offer both four weeks and eight weeks 1:1 coaching packages.


What they say about me... "I have reached out to Wanda to get some parenting advice and support in my parenting journey of 4 boys under 10. Not only she was extremely understanding and kind, but she has also provided me with tons of resources and very helpful advice on how to deal with the tantrums and lovingly support my youngest through them. I have learned a lot from Wanda. She would be an invaluable support for any parent!" Marta

My background includes a Bachelor of Education and Twenty years of rewarding experience working with children with developmental disabilities, with a focus on Autism. In 2011 I earned a certification in Hatha Yoga Teacher Training and later took the MBSR Mindfulness training. Mental Wellness is a passion of mine and I’ve taken on roles supporting and educating adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. The transition into parent coaching through Academy for Coaching Parents International came after meeting my greatest teachers, my two beautiful, energetic boys.

Dealing with Tantrums How can I find you?


Q

IN THE AGE OF E-LEARNING, HOW CAN I POLICE MY CHILD’S COMPUTER USE?

By Leslie Josel, Order Out Of Chaos As originally appeared in ADDitude magazine

META E-LEARNING PLATFORMS LIKE GOOGLE CLASSROOM ALLOW CHILDREN TO LEARN, COMPLETE ASSIGNMENTS, AND GET HELP WHILE SCHOOL IS OUT. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TEMPTATION TO USE THE COMPUTER FOR SOCIAL MEDIA, GAMES, AND VIDEOS? ARE PARENTS NOW DIGITAL POLICE?


Q: “All of my son’s schoolwork is done on his computer. He’s using it for the day-to-day work, to reference his assignments on his class home pages, to download his teachers’ slideshows, to conduct research, and to search for answers to homework questions. And, of course, I see him scrolling endlessly on Instagram or watching videos instead of doing what he needs to. I’ve tried turning off the Wi-Fi, but that only works when he’s writing a paper. How can I get him to do the work he needs to do without him constantly policing his computer use?” — GeorgiaMom Hi Georgia Mom: This might be the most common question I’ve been asked lately as all our students’ learning has been moved online! So how do we keep them e-learning — without getting distracted? First, I really need to say this: I don’t blame them. The struggle is real – and not just for them, but for all of us! I find myself working and needing to hop on social media to get daily news updates, check-in with friends, or just to watch “feel good” videos. Our computers hold our entire lives right now. So my first tip is to have some patience and give your son a little leeway. If he is still getting his work done, but it’s just taking a little longer than usual, then let it be. However, if his “scrolling” habit is really truly disruptive to him getting his work done, here are a few strategies to try. There are actually a few ways computers make it easy for us to hide distractions. Who knew?

1. EACH SUBJECT LIVES ALONE. In the same way that I advise students to put different assignments at different stations around a table or room to help stay focused, your son can do the same with his Internet browser windows. Is he writing a research paper? Dedicate one browser window and a few tabs to just that subject. By using one window per subject or assignment, he’ll find himself focusing on the single task and less likely to open extra websites to start browsing. When Chrome or Safari is cluttered with hundreds of tabs for each different subject, that’s when you find yourself more tempted to wander.

2. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE IT A STEP FURTHER? Our computers can actually open multiple desktops, allowing us to dedicate one screen per active subject. Meaning his English paper goes on one, history assignment on another, and math help on a third. By zeroing in on one subject per screen or browser window, he’ll be less tempted by outside distractions — and websites — and focus more on what’s right in front of him.

3. WHERE IS YOUR SON DOING HOMEWORK? If your son is doing work in his bedroom, I would suggest he move to a more common space in your home to discourage online surfing. If he resists working in the open for all to see, purchase an inexpensive trifold presentation board that he can place on the table to give him some privacy but still allow you to monitor him from time to time.

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4. PLUG IN THE PLUG-INS. I know you mentioned that shutting down the Wi-Fi is not feasible. And I agree. But your son doesn’t need Instagram or TikTok while he is working. If you seriously feel he lacks the self-control to monitor his computer usage, there are dozens of apps and settings that can be installed directly on his computer. These programs allow you to set time periods during which he will have no access to the Internet at all or block certain websites from his computer during certain times of the day. As with any technology, these change daily. However, websites such as Freedom and the SelfControl app are all great options, providing a variety of ways to block his biggest time robbers. That said, I’m not the biggest fan of parental controls as they may rob teens of the opportunity to practice an important life skill. The Internet, social media, and our online world are only going to get more prevalent and pervasive over time. Look at our lives right now! And we all, not just our teens, need to figure out strategies and systems to manage their intoxicating pull. Learning time management and decision-making regarding technology now more than ever will be critical for your son’s future success. For more tips and tools for managing screen time, please check out our website at orderoochaos.com. We have tons!

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Is it Aaquick Fever? fever guide...

PRIN this T page

IS IT A FEVER? When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you

Method

Normal Temperature

think your child has a fever,

Rectum

38°C (100.4°F)

use a thermometer. Your

Mouth

37.5°C (99.5°F)

child has a fever if their

Armpit

37.3°C (99.1°F)

temperature is above the

Ear

38°C (100.4°F)

number listed here:


How to take a temperature: Use one thermometer for rectal and one for taking oral temperatures Do not use glass or mercury thermometers, use digital or

Resources:

plastic thermometers instead

Is it an Emergency?

Forehead thermometers are not as accurate as other

Call 9-1-1 or go to your local

methods for taking temperatures

hospital

For more information on how to correctly take a temperature, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca

Who to contact if your child has a fever: Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor

Need a Family Doctor? Call Health Care Connect 1-800-445-1822 www.ontario.ca/page/find-

when they have a fever Call your health care provider if your baby is older than six months and the fever does not go away after 72 hours

family-doctor-or-nursepractitioner

(three days), or your baby has a fever combined with a rash or any other signs of illness that worry you Talk to a Registered Nurse, at Telehealth Ontario 1-866797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007); available 24 hours a day, seven days a week

In an emergency situation, call 9-1-1

What to do if your child has a fever:

Want to speak with a Registered Nurse? Call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007)

Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever If your child is older than six months, then give more to drink (such as breast milk or water) Take off extra clothing and blankets, leave enough to avoid shivering check your child's temperature often

What NOT to do if your child has a fever: Do not give medication unless recommended by your health care provider Do not give Aspirin or Acetylsalicylic Acid (ASA) to a child or teenager with a fever Do not use alcohol rubs or baths and sponging with water to lower a child's fever

Other signs your child may be sick: Acting differently (tired, weak, sleepy, loss of appetite, fussy, or a lot of crying) A runny nose Coughing Vomiting Rash Difficulty breathing Diarrhea Change in skin colour (pale or looks yellow)

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Parent Resources Navigating the internet to find the right resources can be a daunting task. We want to make life easier for you!!! Below is a simplified list of where you can start to find the resources across Ontario, Canada. If you are not in Ontario, and you are searching for a resource in your area, contact us at info@parentguide.ca. You are NEVER alone…please reach out, connect with others, find out what your options are, and equip yourself with this list! EMERGENCY 9-1-1 In an emergency, please call 9-1-1 ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH, AND PROBLEM GAMBLING SERVICES BounceBack Ontario TOLL-FREE: 1-866-345-0224 www.bouncebackontario.ca BounceBack®: Reclaim your health is a free skill-building program designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.

PRINT THESE PAGES

ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE Assaulted Women’s Helpline TOLL-FREE 1.866.863.0511 TOLL-FREE TTY 1.866.863.7868 #SAFE (#7233) on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone www.awhl.org To provide free, 24/7 crisis counselling, emotional support, information and referrals via telephone to women in up to 200 languages - completely anonymous and confidential. CHILD CARE AND SCHOOLING Ontario Ministry of Education www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education The Ministry is responsible for early years, child care and publicly funded education from kindergarten to Grade 12. OneList https://onehsn.com/home/childcare Available in most areas across Ontario


COMMUNITY INFORMATION

HEALTH

Call 2-1-1 211ontario.ca 211 is a helpline and website that provides information on and referrals to Ontario’s community, social, health-related and government services.

Health Care Options www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

DISTRESS Distress and Crisis Ontario www.dcontario.org Distress Centres offer support and a variety of services. At a Distress Centre you can find a listening ear for lonely, depressed, and/or suicidal people, usually 24/7. Many centres also have Suicide Survivor programs, support services for youth, telephone call out programs for seniors and vulnerable people, mental health Crisis Lines services and much more.

Telehealth Ontario Toll-free: 1-866-797-0000 Toll-free TTY: 1-866-797-0007 Telehealth Ontario is only offered over the phone. Email advice is not available. Free, confidential service - call to get health advice or information. A Registered Nurse will take your call 24/7. HELP FOR KIDS Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 www.kidshelpphone.ca Kids Help Phone is Canada's only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. Search their extensive resource list, Phone, live chat, App. HELP FOR POST-SECONDARY STUDENTS Good2Talk 1-866-925-5454, or call 2-1-1 Free, confidential helpline providing professional counselling and information and referrals for mental health, addictions and well-being to post-secondary students in Ontario, 24/7/365.

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INFANT FEEDING & NUTRITION LGBTQ+ La Leche League Canada 1-800-665-4324 www.lllc.ca To encourage, promote and provide motherto-mother breastfeeding support and educational opportunities as an important contribution to the health of children, families and society. Public Health www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more. Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 TTY: 1-866-797-0007

LGBT YouthLine 1.800.268.9688 www.youthline.ca Youth Line offers confidential and nonjudgemental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4:00PM to 9:30 PM. Check out their amazing list of resources: www.youthline.ca/get-support/linksresources POISON Ontario Poison Centre 1-800-268-9017 www.ontariopoisoncentre.ca Assists if you think that you or someone you love has been exposed to a dangerous substance. SUICIDE If you are in crisis, and you are feeling suicidal, or think someone else is: • Contact your/their doctor • Go to the nearest hospital • Find a local crisis line • Find a mobile crisis team • Call a Distress Centre • Call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000 • 211 • Canadian Mental Health Association • Kids Help Phone


TEENS

IF YOU HAVE TWEENS OR

PLEASE JOIN US

WWW.PARENTCOACH.CLUB If you are a parent of a teen, we help you find answers, even when you have tried everything. We do this by giving you immediate access to the top parenting coaches IN THE WORLD! Join us today!

WWW.PARENTCOACH.CLUB ⎟47


We are here for you! We are heading into the 6th month of the pandemic and it may not be over for some time yet. If you are wondering how to navigate life right now, please know that we are here for you. Our community of qualified Parent Coaches are ready to support you and walk with you through this challenging time. Reach out to them for a free 30-minute confidential call here!

Some Ideas to support your family during the pandemic... 1. Hold Family Meetings weekly to stay connected and talk about what you like and what you don't like about your time together during the pandemic. 2. Create a contract to include items you want to keep as you move out of isolation. Have everyone from the family sign it. Once the world opens up fully again you may forget the things that you liked; writing it down will help keep you on track. 3. Be careful. Encourage your kids to continue to wash their hands frequently for at least 20 seconds. Notice how often they are touching their face and help them recognize when they are doing this. 4. Be kind. Not everyone will be ready to integrate into 'normal' activities. Never judge or shame someone that is not ready to interact and participate in daily life activities like they did before the pandemic. 5. Stay in touch with your older kids that will be heading back to college or university. These are unprecedented times and they will be doing their best to 'get back to normal' but may need your support to navigate their emotions. 6. Think about how you were not prepared for this pandemic and make a decision to be prepared if it happens again. Pandemic-proof your work, stay healthy, and create a savings account and put money away each month for emergencies such as this.

Our Parent Coaches offer a FREE 30-minute, confidential call! Reach out to them at www.parentcoach.club

If you are struggling with how your life has been affected by the pandemic, reach out for support. Our Parent Coaches can help you work through a range of emotions. They specialize in everything from newborn care, to college success, from toddler tantrums to marriage support and more. Most offer a 30-minute free confidential chat to help you through life during and after the pandemic. Together we will be stronger and more prepared for our new and improved postpandemic lives. Just don't forget that you have all the power and control to create what that life will look like. It is, and always has been, in your hands. Sending love and strength and wisdom to you all! We have learned so much and now it is time to collectively make sure we live our best lives - in our own unique way!


WHEN YOU NEED HELP

FIND A PARENT COACH Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.

WHERE TO LOOK www.ParentCoach.Club Search by professional, location, pricing, and topic. Support offered online.


Marketplace Want to know who supports us? These companies make it possible for us to continue to provide content and resources to local parents. Check them out, because without them, we couldn't do what we do!

WWW.PARENTCOACH.CLUB ⎟50


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