the Medium Politics
How do I deflect others attempts to get a political opinion out of me? (Drop trouse. Shit profusely, publically, and violently. Viscous, sludgy, bile green, undigested corn shit.)
PERSONALS
"All men and women were created by, you know, the thing."
Pee Pee
Starting a new internship soon. Where do I find a clean piss dealer to cover for me and my drug dealer? Preferably sold by the mason jar? (I have a hunch you're Say you're voting for Joe covering for a little more and when they ask "Biden", than that, but the answer to your question is Craigslist. answer "Joe Mama." (I dunno, I'm pretty Probably Craigslist.) undecided between writing I peed my pants in lecture, in him, Amy Schrote, and can I frame the person next to me somehow? Ligma, Peter right now.) My poor Yorkie Cait just vanished last weekend. What can I do to find her? (Mam, I'm afraid she went up to a barn in South Bend. My sincerest condolences.)
(Say you got too aroused by the open Chick Hicks Rule 34 folder on his laptop. Happens to the best of us.)
The Mulan remake makes me so mad that I want to cry. Intern for a pretty big (Oh yeah? Then piss your campaign that just ended. pants? Shit and cum? Boss lady is on a power Ramble into the void about trip right now. How can I how fucked multi-billion protect myself? dollar corporate oligarchy (If a bike helmet can is?) withstand concrete, it can Is the stadium piss trough a sure as hell withstand a good cheap alternative to $7 stapler careening 15 miles stadium draft beer? per hour. If she mocks you for wearing it, mock her for (Not a GOOD alternative, being a reptile ghoul that but it theoretically IS an alternative.) eats with a fucking comb.)
Word of the Week:
Eczema
n. Sandpaper dry dead skin and vegan substitute for cheese. (albeit, not cruelty free) OPEN NEW PARADIGMS KACHOW YOUR EYES KACHIGGA YOUR MIND SPEED & DO CRIMES
Romance
How can I spice up my bio to get more matches and messages on FarmersOnly? (Expand your preference filters outside immediate family first.) If you live in the suburbs there likely ARE horny MILFs in your area, they just don’t want to fuck you.
Wednesday, March 4th, 2020
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DROPOUTS: CELEBS WEIGH IN
(Don't remind me. Getting struck out by the hot singles and Instagram groupchat bots in my area was already bad enough :( ) Why do literally all of my Tinder matches turn out to live ungodly far away? (Fuck if I know. We can mass surveil an entire country and target drone strikes in the middle of a city, but that shit still can't discern 12 miles from 4,586 miles. Or maybe we're just that repellent.) Lonely doomsday prepper here. How can I make cuddling my expired rice bag a more realistic girlfriend experience? (Mop head. Volley balls. Bowie knife. Duct tape. Or Craiglist. I'm sure you can figure some weird shit out from there.)
Miscellaneous How do you fellow homo sapiens clean your coffee creamer knife, besides lubricating it with your tongue? (Fuck off Amy.) Can I sell you a great concept album? I can't sing or make music, but it's bound to make a boatload! (Sure man. Been wanting to get the garage metal band back together after high school.) Can I stow inside one of your suitcases to get away from my family over Spring Break? (Can I stowaway with you? The B.O. will get real rank real quick, but I promise I'll be a good tenant!) If you could challenge any of the Kings Of Comedy to a fight to the death, who would you choose? (None. Would YOU trifle a unit like Steve Harvey?)
AWAKEN THE SHEEPLE Wednesdays @ 7:45p.m. Livingston Student Center Board Room
