March 4th, 2020 @TheMedium themedium.submissions@ gmail.com SPORTS are games that people play
RU EXTENDS MEN’S BASKETBALL COACH AFTER LOSING 5 OF 7 IN HOPES OF RECREATING FAILURES OF FOOTBALL TEAM hopes in jeopardy, Rutgers signed Men’s Basketball Head Coach Steve Pikiell to an two year extension, now having him signed through the 2025-26 season.
PIKIELL SCREAMING OUTSIDE THE RAC BY A VERY PESSIMISTIC RU FAN
Following a 16-6 start to the season, in which the Rutgers Men’s Basketball team became ranked for the first time since the
1979 season, the Knights proceeded to lose 5 of 7 games. Now with a 18-11 (99) record, no longer being undefeated at the RAC, and with their tournament
Rutgers students were happy with the decision. Junior Caleb Daniels said “It just wouldn’t feel like a true Rutgers season if it ended with some type of success. I’m glad Hobbs is When asked about why moving in the direction to he signed Pikiell to the make sure we stay losing.” extension, Athletic Director Pat Hobbs said he was Players expressed similar impressed with the sentiments. Center Myles direction the team was going Johnson said “I’m really over the last few games. glad Pikiell was extended. He explained “While the These last few games really team unfortunately got off show what our team is all to a hot start this season, about. It really wouldn’t this last stretch of games make sense for us to make really shows what Scarlet the tournament. We have Knight Athletics are all not been there since 1991, about.” Hobbs further said and why would we want to that while he was upset the break tradition now?” basketball team would not have as poor a record as the At press time, most other football team had these past members of the Men’s two seasons (2-10, 1-11), he Basketball team could not was hoping they would be reached for comment, lose their final two games as they were at frat parties to Maryland and Purdue. trying to pick up girls.
13 Things to Know about Tom Lakers Brady’s Future
vs
Pelicans: Numbers
By
the
BY CHEATING 101
1. He still kisses his kids
50+
2. His wife, Giselle, is still hotter than yours 3. He still has 6* rings (Spygate, Deflategate?) 4. He might move back in with Julian Edelman
Instagram posts daily by Bleacher Report breaking down the Lebron vs Zion matchup
Lavar Ball on the sideline trying to resurrect Big Baller Brand
20
30,000
Times Zion made Kuzma look like a baby in the paint
Fans watching the game who thought Zion was Booger MacFarland at first
100%
1
5. Regardless of where he goes, the Patriots will win their 7th Super Bowl this year 6. 9 7. The Raiders will still have a losing season even if he signs there 8. The Chargers will still have a losing season even if he signs there 9. The Buccaneers will still have a losing season even if he signs there 10. 90% of NFL fans are hoping Brady retires 11.Brady finds all the coverage over his free agency comical, and contributed to this article to spread more jokes about himself (not really) 12. TB12 method scandal might pop up again
1
Of ESPNs employees getting ready to bill Zion as the next GOAT
13. Robert Kraft could not be reached for comment for this article, due to his presence with some “friends” (escorts) at the current time
Trying to put a funny joke on this line SINCE 1970
LeBron still trying to maintain being the GOAT
