Muscly brains, academic gains

air, hearing the distant weeeeeeeeee from the zesty orange. Landing a slam dunk into the hole, completing the 18 holes. Tiger is your own personal Woods, make it worth your while.

I unpeel the pith, making my way to the juicy core. The combination of hard metal striking the soft orange makes my nose tingle. The flesh soaring in the air, splashing soft pieces on my face. I didn’t love golf, but I guess Tiger isn’t the only scary thing in the Woods.

Rawr (idk what that means but shdlslosloopsllsldspeo *sound of oranges consumed) Vitamin C? Nah girl, you need that vitamin ME.

With fans cheering around the all too cut and cleaned green chartreuse, golfers being like “that orange is a real Cutie LMAOOOOOO.”

Let’s imagine that VERY POSSIBLE reality that could TOTALLY DEFINITELY happen. We can make that hopeful fantasy real life. Even though they may seem crusty, it ain’t very musty.

As of Mar 20, it became official that fantasy football is the second most successful team at South Pasadena High School. While Science Olympiad may hold the prestigious title, in the hearts of any students, fantasy football will always reign supreme.

It all started 13.23 years ago, when 10th string star player [redacted] decided that his brain cells could be better served in pursuit of academic achievement… aka fantasy football. In recognition of the dedication that the sport requires of its athletes, the class counts as PE credit, a VPA, as well as automatic acceptance into the Stanford computer science program. The minimum GPA requirement is a 10.0

For those inexperienced with the game, fantasy football requires weekly picks of NFL players, as well as creating lineups. In the weeks leading up to these decisions, SPHS players agonize over their picks. In order to really get into the right mindset they go back to their roots in the weight room, and inhale the aroma of the football players getting those gains.

Every other Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, the team meets in the film room, to discuss strategy while playing Madden and reciting the elevens times tables backwards.

The hours and hours of laborious work and training that fantasy football put in throughout the course of the school year, and beginning from pre-K, culminated in a goosebumps-inducing victory against the San Marino Titans 6th grade JJV team for the CIF championship.

As the Tigers walked into the crusty San Marino middle school gym in 2016 to begin picking, each and every member of the team straightened their mental power enhancing speedos, and adjusted the array of chess-pun magnets on their 24-carat gold computer cases.

They fought, they clawed, they lost a few brain cells, but they never lost hope. In the last year of overtime, when defeat seemed all but certain, when even Tom Brady gave up and *decided to retire, [redacted] found a way to victory. On the way the bathroom, they stumbled upon the basement control center for San Marino MS team, and discovered their secret room of fifth graders directing the team. After heated debates, officials decided to disqualify San Marino, and the players of Fantasy Football won their first game ever.

DESIGN NINA ZENIK IS WIFE, she can render my heart any time;)