May 2023

EDITORS

LAYOUT & DESIGN

CHRISTINA

CASEY OPPUNKPINEAPPLE JES

DAN & LACY THE SWING NATION

JEFF & ERYNN SWINGER SOCIETY NICOLE OPERATIONS

SUZI

SUZI

STAFF SPOTLIGHT OF THE MONTH STAFF SPOTLIGHT OF THE MONTH

How to lifestyl

You did it. You’v minded folks, in have found it. W discover that som may have been communicate with fellow swingers. A big thing to remember is that your profile itself says a lot more about you than you may think.

Verify your account

The fastest way to get overlooked or passed on is not having a verified account. The majority of swingers are serious about their lifestyle. They have verified profiles and take the time to build genuine connections with those whom they communicate. Verifying your account helps others know you’re serious about the lifestyle too.

Realistic profile picture

Your profile picture should not only be an actual picture of yourself but a current picture. Some people are only seeking HWP (height, weight, proportion), and some are interested in all body types. Selecting a picture that reflects your current self allows others to view more than just body type; it shows other eye-catching features such as hair type, beard/clean shaven, eye color, tattoos, piercings, and more.. Be confident in yourself. Don’t alter or hide who you are when that may be precisely what someone is searching for!

Don’t skip the essay section

The essay section is the first-place fellow swingers go to learn more about you Use this area to be more descriptive about what you are looking for, you hope to accomplish, or learn from the lifestyle. Take your time to describe yourself with more than what kinds of things you like to do but what kind of person you are. Any recent achievements? Goals? Giving a sneak peek into the whole person behind the body will increase your chances of people seeing commonalities and becoming interested in starting to communicate.

Honesty is the best policy

Some people feel they need to lie about their age, weight, or experience to better their connection chances. You’ll be surely disappointed after a meet and greet if you end up rejected for not being what someone expected. When talking about experience, it’s so important to be truthful about your experience level with whoever you’re interacting with. Everyone was a newbie at some period of time and should always move at their own pace. Exaggerating your experience is a quick way to fail at an enjoyable encounter with others, as they will expect the experience you stated. And that can lead to some potentially very uncomfortable situations.

Just remember...

You get back what you put in. You put in an honest, enthusiastic effort to connect with others, you’ll find those genuine connections. There’s no time stamp, so be patient and have fun!

BY SEXYSWINGERCHIC KILEY

WHOREPHOBIA WHOREPHOBIA

Throughout my profession in the sex industry, I have worked as an Only Fans model, cam girl, content creator, stripper, and even engaged in full-service sex work. In each of these aspects of sex work, I have encountered “Whorephobia”. This article seeks to help you better understand whorephobia and why we encounter it by deciphering what it is and examining the institutions that perpetuate it.

WHOREPHOBIA: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Whorephobia is a phrase that alludes to the negative falsehoods, discrimination, and marginalization sex workers receive. The basis of this negativity derives from an extensive disdain and detest of sex work and, therefore, sex workers. Contempt and ridicule for sex workers often overlap with negative attitudes toward other marginalized communities. No one intrinsically holds whorephobic thoughts. Rather, it results from the influence of Western society and the media. Like homophobia and transphobia, whorephobia is a deeply ingrained feature of both individuals and communities, leading to severe repercussions for sex workers. Whorephobia manifests in various forms such as censorship of sex workers' content, discrimination by merchants and banks, and biased opinions towards sex workers, such as "I would never date a girl with an OnlyFans” or “I would never date a stripper.” This phobia is rooted in the view that engaging in sex work is immoral, shameful, or demeaning. Whorephobia portrays sex workers as undeserving of respect, protection, or equal rights as other members of society. Those who participate in sex work often face stigma, discrimination, and violence, as well as legal and social barriers.

Internalized Whorephobia Within the Sex Worker Community

Before becoming sex workers, we were ordinary people or civilians. Unfortunately, many sex workers still carry sex-negative beliefs because societal norms have fed into whorephobia over time. Strippers, online content creators, and sugar babies perpetuate many of these stereotypes and internalized whorephobia.

Everyone’s Sex Work Boundaries Are Valid

Every single sex worker has boundaries regarding what sort of sex work they’re comfortable with. Cultural backgrounds, personal identity, and life experiences make our boundaries different. It’s ok to draw the line at penetrative sex. It’s ok to charge what you want for penetrative sex, whether it be $50 or $5,000 The choice is yours and yours alone. Just remember, even if you do not engage in full-service sex work you are not above those that do. And just because you charge more for fullservice sex work does not mean you are above someone who charges less. Shaming another sex worker for how they engage in the industry is no different than when others look down on any sort of sex work because “I could never do that. I have ethics and morals”.

As a stripper, it’s the norm to brag “OMG he tipped me $500 and I didn’t even have to touch him” or “I don’t even have to see a penis!”. Because other dancers or friends would respond to my bragging with approval (which reinforced that I should be proud) it just perpetuated negative stigmas within myself that I continued to carry on with others. It was almost like a bragging right “I’ve never done an extra before” or other women would say “girls who do extras just ruin the club”. These remarks are harmful because they feed into the notion that sex work is only acceptable as long you don’t have to “reduce yourself” to having sex with your client. Even remarks like “you have to charge more if you want to engage with sex with clients” are inherently whorephobic. It’s a way of saying “yes, I do sex work but I’m still virtuous and worthy of respect only if I’m not having sex with

I also do not believe that women engaging in full-service sex work, sometimes called “extras” within the strip club setting, hurts the club’s profits. Many strippers believe this and even I believed it for a long time. The thought process is “why would someone get a plain old lap dance from me when he can have full-on penetrative s free?”. It makes a lot of s me to Jane had consensual sex with John, for a price, of course. Now John is going to return week after week for Jane. John will most likely get bored of Jane, or maybe one week Jane won’t be there, or maybe John will bring his friends. Someday, John or his friend may ask for a dance or VIP room from me. My boundaries and Jane’s boundaries are different, but John is still paying the same amount of money. Most men go into the strip club believing they will ‘get lucky’. Jane is doing extras in a safe environment where there are bouncers, managers and other patrons to help her if needed. Some clubs have panic buttons for safety. If a sex worker goes to a hotel with a man after work, they are at risk for so much more than the average two people having consensual sex. I'm not telling strippers to have sex in clubs or do extras, and I'm not saying to engage in activities that go against your boundaries. What I am saying is no matter what club you work at, it's going to happen, whether it is in the club or outside of the club.

Instead of shaming women who do engage in these

Instead of shaming women who do engage in these activities, I encourage you to let them know you activities, I encourage you to let them know you are neutral on the matter. Let them know that you are neutral on the matter. Let them know that you understand how someone else makes their money understand how someone else makes their money h s no relevance to you. has no relevance to you.

The majority of sexually explicit or pornographic content is legal. Thanks to the First Amendment, our right to communicate that legal content is protected, with the notable exceptions of “obscene” content and child pornography.

But though the content itself might be legal and its distribution constitutionally-protected things look quite different in the realm of private companies. Under U.S. law, internet platforms can censor content. Social media apps like Facebook and Instagram might ban nudity altogether. (According to Instagram, nude content that shows “sexual intercourse, genitals, and close-ups of fully-nude buttocks” and some “female” nipples would be inappropriate for a diverse audience. Photos of paintings and sculptures depicting nudity are presumably okay, but in practice, art might be censored anyway.)

Paige Collings notes that platforms’ moderation of sexual content renders them “the arbiters of how people create and engage with nude content both offline and in the digital space.” The consequences are stark, and they are felt most strongly by marginalized groups, including sex workers and queer communities.

A form of speech is more or less removed from the most popular internet spaces. Users are left without many meaningful options to engage in a critical form of content.

We at Woodhull Freedom Foundation agree wholeheartedly with Collings’ statement that “the system of content moderation is broken moderation policies are opaque, often arbitrary, and not applied evenly.” Censoring legal sexual content serves to sanitize our understanding of freedom of speech.

TESS JOSEPH, WRITER FOR WOODHULL FREEDOM FOUNDATION

What is a What is a What is a Metabolism Metabolism Metabolism anyways??? anyways??? anyways???

(And How To Fix Yours!)

This might be the only thing you read about metabolism that isn’t trying to sell you something.

Your metabolism is the rate at which your body burns energy. Your body uses calories for energy like your car uses gas for energy. You need energy (calories) to power your body’s systems, such as digestion and circulation. But you also need calories to move.

When you eat too many calories, you store them as fat. This is where things get complicated: Calories from sugar are more likely to be stored as fat because sugar tricks your body into thinking, “here come a lot of calories.” And it’s usually right: It’s easy to pack a LOT of calories into sugary foods. But I’ll keep this at a high level for now.

You want a FAST metabolism, meaning your body burns a LOT of calories. If you’re trying to lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you eat Obviously, you should eat less But there are three ways you burn calories:

BASAL METABOLIC PROCESSES:

the number of calories your body burns when you’re not moving. This is measured as “basal metabolic rate,” or BMR. The more muscle you have, the higher your BMR will be The less muscle you have, the lower your BMR will be. Muscle burns calories to stay alive.

THERMIC EFFECT OF FOOD (TEF):

It costs a bit of energy to digest food. Not much. It takes slightly more energy to break down proteins and fats than to break down carbs This is maybe 10% of your total daily intake, at best.

ENERGY EXPENDITURE FROM PHYSICAL ACTIVITY:

These are the calories required to move you. The more you move, the more you burn. Walking and shopping don’t count for much, despite what our experts will tell you. You will not lose weight mowing the lawn or taking one flight of stairs every day. But an hour of intense aerobic exercise might improve your daily calorie use by around 20%.

The way to burn calories at a faster rate (the only real meaningful way) is to increase your muscle mass. That means lifting weights. We promise that endless hours spent on the treadmill isn’t going to give you the body you want.

Let’s say you have a basal metabolic rate of 1,000 calories per day. You eat 1,500 calories per day (yeah, right—no one eats that little), and you do spin class for an hour Let’s say your food choices are pretty good, and you have protein or fat with every meal.

Your BMR + thermic effect from food + exercise = 1,300 calories. You’re still gaining weight. If you did this exact thing every day, you’d gain a pound around every 18 days.

Now let’s say you boost your BMR. The ONLY way to do this is by building muscle (or maybe sleeping on the sun, or eating those chemical foot-warmers, or taking thermic steroids. Superfoods won’t do it. Neither will apple cider vinegar nor laxatives nor cigarettes.)

If your new BMR is 1,200, and you eat the same 1,500 calories per day, the thermic effect of food will be the same But the calories you burn during exercise will go up along with the calories you burn to live.

Your new BMR, thanks to a bit more muscle, is 1,200.

YOUR BMR + THERMIC EFFECT FROM FOOD + EXERCISE = 1,530. YOU’VE ACTUALLY LOST YOUR BMR + THERMIC EFFECT FROM FOOD + EXERCISE = 1,530. YOU’VE ACTUALLY LOST A BIT OF WEIGHT. A BIT OF WEIGHT.

You burn calories right after exercise, when your muscle feeds itself. But you burn far MORE just walking around and having a highly active daily lifestyle … and the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn off.

And when we say “active daily lifestyle” we mean you are on your feet moving and working all day. If you spend most of your day at a desk, you do not have an “active daily lifestyle” even if you go to the gym 7 days a week. Nutrition is going to be even more critical for you.

Creating a caloric deficit is the first step to losing fat. It’s not the only step. But if I were going to tell a person the first step to weight loss, I’d tell them to incorporate lifting weights into your fitness routine. The second step: cut out sugar.

If you want help with your fitness and nutrition, www.NaughtyGym.com is your answer. Each day we have 3 versions of our primary workout (depending on your equipment) and we can even work with you 1 on 1 to offer nutritional counseling, motivation and accountability, or even get you ready for your next Lifestyle vacation.

Defining Defining

TN _ Gal _ Nicole joins ALT Life as editorial operations, and is passionate about ENM education

Defining Defining

TN _ Gal _ Nicole joins ALT Life as editorial operations, and is passionate about ENM education

NEGOTIATING A BDSM SCENE

BDSM negotiation checklist | Kink Weekly https://www.kinkweekl y.com/wpcontent/uploads/2016/ 03/BDSM-negotiationchecklist.pdf

BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is a consensual sexual activity that involves a power dynamic between participants. Negotiation is a crucial part of any BDSM scene, as it ensures that all parties involved are on the same page about what will happen, what their boundaries are, and what actions are off-limits.

https://www.devianc eanddesire.com/wpcontent/uploads/202 2/10/NotAChecklistSh eet.pdf Tonight I Want to … http://www.deviance anddesire.com/down load/5388/ B D S M / K i n k

‘Not a Checklist’ Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms by Tornus

negotiating a BDSM scene:

Discuss your interests and boundaries: Before engaging in any BDSM activities, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your interests and boundaries. Discuss what you enjoy and what you're curious about, as well as what you're not comfortable with.

Set safewords: Safewords are a crucial tool in any BDSM scene. They allow participants to communicate when they need a break or when something has crossed a boundary. Make sure to agree on safewords and what they mean before starting the scene.

Plan the scene: Once you have a clear understanding of each other's interests and limits, you can start planning the scene. Discuss what actions will take place, how long the scene will last, and what props or equipment you'll need. Be sure to include any necessary safety measures.

Agree on aftercare: Aftercare is the period of time after a BDSM scene when participants care for each other's physical and emotional needs. This may involve cuddling, talking, or providing water and snacks. Agree on what aftercare will look like before starting the scene

Check-in during the scene: Throughout the scene, check in with each other regularly. Ask if everything is okay and if any boundaries have been crossed. Use the safeword if necessary.

Debrief after the scene: Once the scene is over, take some time to debrief. Discuss what went well, what could have been better, and how you're feeling. This is also a good time to make any adjustments to future scenes based on what you learned.

Here are some steps to follow when

Non-monogamy 101

What is non-monogamy anyways?

Non-monogamy describes a range of relationship styles and structures that involve multiple intimate, romantic, or sexual partners, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved Non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses practices including polyamory, open relationships, swinging (also known as the “lifestyle”), and more. People use the terms “consensual nonmonogamy” (CNM) and “ethical nonmonogamy” (ENM) interchangeably, or sometimes just “non-monogamy” (after all, there are already words for non-consensual non-monogamy, such as “cheating” and “infidelity”).

How common is ethical non-monogamy?

Multiple surveys and studies evidence that around 5% of American adults, or about 10 million people, currently practice consensual non-monogamy. (2014, 2017). Additionally, one in five adults in North America will engage in ethical non-monogamy at some point in their In a more recent survey, one-third of American adults describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy, and 6% of respondents said that their current relationship is completely non-monogamous (2023).

Who practices non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy is practiced by people from all walks of life. The proportion of people who have engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their life was not found to vary significantly across age, education level, income, religion, region, political affiliation, and race. Non-monogamy is more common among people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. (2016), and is also more common among Millennials and Gen Z compared to Baby Boomers and Gen X.

Why do people choose non-monogamy?

People prefer non-monogamy for a range of reasons. Chief among them is the opportunity to experience more love, connection, and intimacy in one’s life. People can also experience personal growth through the practice of non-monogamy, such as an improved capacity for communication, a better understanding of one’s own needs and boundaries, and insanely good scheduling skills (2017)(2021).

Additionally, some people choose nonmonogamy due to their preferences around sex and intimacy. Examples include:

A relationship in which one or more partner is bisexual or pansexual and desires sex and intimacy with a partner(s) of multiple genders

A relationship where only one partner is asexual (does not experience sexual desire or attraction)

A relationship in which partners have different sexual needs and desires, such as widely differing “sex drives” or kink preferences

Is non-monogamy becoming more popular?

A ten-year study found a “significant increase” in search terms related to polyamory and open relationships between 2006-2015 (source).

In 2020, 43% of millennials indicated that their preferred relationship style is non-monogamy (source). Between 2016 and 2020, the percentage of American adults who described their ideal relationship as “completely monogamous” dropped from 61 to 56 percent (source).

Non-monogamy community organizers, event producers, and content creators all report a surge in interest in the topic, particularly over the last two years.

Do non-monogamous individuals really face discrimination?

Almost two-thirds of non-monogamous adults reported experiencing some form of discrimination based on their nonmonogamous identity or relationship style/structure (2020). Examples include family rejection, difficulty accessing supportive mental health care, housing discrimination, and workplace discrimination. Additionally, non-monogamous partnerships are denied access to a range of benefits that married spouses receive related to inheritance, immigration, parental rights, taxation, and more.

“Relationship structure” is not a protected category, meaning that it is legal to discriminate against people based on the nonmonogamous identity and/or relationship style/structure in housing, employment, and even custody disputes.

Do non-monogamous individuals really face discrimination?

Non-monogamous individuals also face social and cultural stigmas. In a 2023 survey of American adults, a majority said that polyamory is “morally wrong” (2023). Compared to monogamous relationships, consensually non-monogamous relationships are perceived as being low in relationship quality, less committed, less moral, and harmful to children (2013, 2016, 2018), but research and people’s lived experiences do not substantiate these sigmas!

The pervasive societal stigma and discrimination consensually non-monogamous individuals face harm their mental health and relationships. For many, the additional stigma and discrimination experienced by the CNM community are internalized, leading to increased psychological distress (e.g., increased depression and anxiety) and worse relationship outcomes (2021; 2021).

Is non-monogamy a new phenomenon?

Monogamy as the default mode of relationships is often seen as a universal and timeless practice, but in fact, it is a relatively modern construction. Throughout history, nonmonogamy has been practiced in many different cultures and contexts; for example, many indigenous cultures in the Americas, Africa, and Asia traditionally practiced various forms of non-monogamy. It was only with the rise of Christianity and the subsequent influence of Victorian morality that monogamy became the dominant form of relationship in Western society, with legal and cultural norms enforcing its primacy.

Ethical non-monogamy is…

NOT just about sex.

Non-monogamous relationships encompass many forms of connections including romantic, emotional, physical, and beyond. While sex is always a feature of human relationships, it is not usually the main motivator for nonmonogamy.

NOT cheating.

By definition, consensual non-monogamy requires the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Cheating is fundamentally non-consensual, and is a violation of trust that can occur in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships alike.

NOT a new phenomenon.

Although interest in non-monogamy is growing within Western societies, humans all around the world have been practicing nonmonogamous relationships of all types for millennia.

NOT prescriptive.

Non-monogamous people are not out to “abolish” monogamy. However, we do challenge the assumption that monogamous relationships are the ideal, and that monogamous romantic relationships should take priority over other forms of relationships. While everyone has the right to choose monogamy, they should also have the right to choose non-monogamy!

KINKY IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS DSMREVISIONPROJECT:

The American Psychiatric Association has depathologized sadism, masochism, cross-dressing and fetishes in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) in 2013.

The DSM-5 defines paraphilia as “any intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling.” A paraphilic disorder is a “paraphilia that is currently causing distress or impairment to the individual or a paraphilia whose satisfaction has entailed personal harm, or risk of harm, to others. (DSM-5, pp. 685- 686)

“A PARAPHILIA IS A NECESSARY BUT NOT SUFFICIENT CONDITION FOR HAVING A PARAPHILIC DISORDER, AND A PARAPHILIA BY ITSELF DOES NOT NECESSARILY JUSTIFY OR REQUIRE CLINICAL INTERVENTION.”

(DSM-5, P. 686)

The revised DSM is helping to change the way society views kinky people. For example, in all 41 child custody cases in 2012 in which NCSF provided the proposed DSM-5 criteria, the BDSM evidence was set aside and child custody was determined on its own merits. In contrast, NCSF’s success rate in 2006 was approximately 20% when it came to refuting the false contention that a parent is unfit because they are kinky.

DSMREVISIONPROJECT:

KINKY IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS

THE REVISED LANGUAGE OF THE DSM-5:

FETISHISM

SEXUAL MASOCHISM

“Such individuals openly acknowledge intense sexual arrousal from the act of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer, as manifested by fantasies, urges, or behaviors.... In contrast, if they declare no distress, exemplified by anxiety, obsessions, guilt, or shame, about these paraphilic impulses, and are not hampered by them in pursuing other personal goals, they could be ascertained as having masochistic sexual interest but should not be diagnosed with sexual masochism disorder.” (DSM-5, p. 694)

“Many individuals who self-identify as fetishist practitioners do not necessarily report clinical impairment in association with their fetish-associated behaviors. Such individuals could be considered as having a fetish but not a fetishistic disorder.”

(DSM-5, p. 701) “For example, an individual whose sexual partner either shares or can successfully incorporate his interest in caressing, smelling or licking feet or toes as an important element of foreplay would not be diagnosed with fetishistic disorder; nor would an individual who prefers, and is not distressed or impaired by, solitary sexual behavior associated with wearing rubber garments or leather boots.” (DSM-5, p. 702)

TRANSVESTISM

“The diagnosis of transvestic disorder does not apply to all individuals who dress as the opposite sex, even those who do so habitually.” (DSM-5, p. 703)

SEXUAL SADISM

“The majority of individuals who are active in community networks that practice sadistic and masochistic behaviors do not express any dissatisfaction with their sexual interests, and their behavior would not meet DSM-5 criteria for sexual sadism disorder.” (DSM5, p. 697)

DSM REVISION PROJECT

NCSF’s DSM Revision Project ran from 2008 to 2013, when the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) was published by the American Psychiatric Association.

Over 3,000 people signed NCSF’s DSM Revision Petition urging the APA to depathologize sexual behaviors by consenting adults Many comments were made by mental health professionals denouncing the inclusion of BDSM in the DSM, due in part to NCSF’s outreach at conferences such as the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Over 3,000 kinky people participated in the survey of Violence and Discrimination Against Sexual Minorities in 2008. Over 37% said they had been discriminated against, had experienced some form of harassment or violence, or had some form of harassment or discrimination aimed at their BDSM- leather-fetish-related business. This persecution is a direct result of the false stereotype that people who practice BDSM are “mentally ill.”

This information, along with the annual data from NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response Program, was provided to the APA. NCSF answered follow- up questions from member of the Paraphilia Subworkgroup of the Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Workgroup. NCSF appreciates that the American Psychiatric Association responded positively to the underserved population of BDSM practitioners and clarified that:

HEALTHY ADULTS WHO ENGAGE IN KINKY SEXUAL BEHAVIOR ARE NOT CONSIDERED TO HAVE A MENTAL DISORDER

HOW YOU CAN HELP

The NCSF relies overwhelmingly on contributions from individuals and local BDSM, swing and polyamory groups for financial support. Ask your group to organize a fundraiser for NCSF, and contact us at info@ncsfreedom.org to find out how easy it can be!

You can also participate in NCSF activities ranging from writing letters to the media and government officials, to joining in community outreach. Get information about NCSF actions, as well as coverage of mainstream news concerning sexual freedom issues, by subscribing to our free newsletter at www.ncsfreedom.org.

NCSF MISSION STATEMENT

The NCSF is committed to advancing the rights of consenting adults in the BDSM-LeatherFetish, Swing, and Polyamory communities through education, advocacy, and outreach.

The Foundation of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (FNCSF) is NCSF’s 501(c)(3) charitable foundation. It provides educational programs related to our mission. Taxdeductible donations support the projects of our foundation.

The SEXuation:

Mary and Mark are admittedly newer to the lifestyle, having about eight months under their belt when they meet Jessica and James on a lifestyle dating website. Jessica and James are even newer to the lifestyle, but the foursome hit it

Unfortunately, the fun did not last for Mary. James could not maintain an erection, and when James returned to Jessica to get some head, Mary noticed James’s enjoyment of watching Jessica with Mark. Mary got in her head and instantly felt

rejected. All this while Mark was having sex with Jessica. Jessica appeared to be enjoying herself, which only dug that knife deeper. Mary was so stuck in her head with her feelings of rejection that she ended up sitting out, and while she sat off female/female play based on conversations over text prior to the date. The night begins with drinks; despite some shyness and nerves, they end up in the bedroom, and Jessica is giving James head when Mary asks if it is okay for her to touch Jessica. With a “Yes” from Jessica, Mary proceeds to touch and caress Jessica, bringing her to orgasm. Mark and James suggest the girls move to the bed, where Mary notices that Jessica is not reciprocating and seems to be a “pillow princess.” Soon, the men join them on the bed, and the husbands swap wives. Mary felt it was a natural transition.

off in their DM’s and then moved to exchanging texts. They schedule a date for dinner followed by drinks and then possibly playtime. Mary tells me about the evening; she says that Jessica is listed as “bicurious” on their profile, and she knows that Jessica was interested in

to the side, she began to get increasingly frustrated with Mark. Mark had not noticed her at first but did, however, return to Mary as soon as he saw her and left Jessica without creating a more awkward situation. As Mary tells it, it was too little too late; she had sat stewing in her emotions for too long by this point. Mary tells me that she and Mark go through great efforts to find couples who want full swap from both parties, not just the wife, and that the four of them had had a conversation over drinks that they expect everyone to be involved. Mary walked away from this situation feeling totally rejected by James, used by Jessica, and questioning if she wanted to continue in the lifestyle.

There are so many points within this encounter that Mary could have easily changed to improve her sexuation. Starting first with the lead-up to the date. If you have ever read or listened to any swinger “how to” or 101 info, you know the resounding message to all couples is that you must have good communication! The oxymoron is that that message seems to fall on deaf ears. Now most people hear communication and believe that means between partners or significant others; however, I’d like to stress that communication has to be clear between ALL parties involved. Those early text messages or DM’s these couples exchanged were prime times to clarify what they were seeking in the bedroom and cover expectations. I don’t think it’s enough just to say, “It’s important to us that everyone is involved.” Be specific about what that means and what that looks like. When Mary says everyone needs to be involved, I think foursome vs. swap, and by no means did this sound like it was headed in the foursome direction. If you and your partner are particular in how you want the playtime to play out, you need to s-p-e-l-l that out to the other players.

Now, communication to the side, the next hurdle is the female/female play and those expectations. Addressing the label of bi-curious, first, there are several labels that lifestyle women (and men) use on their profiles that are terribly confusing. For example, you might see women labeled as bicomfortable, bi-curious, or bi-sexual. These are not terms that are used synonymously with LQBTQIA+ terms such as pansexual, polysexual…and the like.

The terms lifestylers use in their profiles are more to give others an idea of where their preferences lie. There isn’t an exact definition for these terms, and a lot is left up to your own interpretation.

Unless, of course, you have communicated well with the person who used one of these terms and clarified what it meant to them. Oh boy, there goes that communication stuff again; you can’t escape it! It is my understanding that Jessica likely did not have a lot of sexual experience with females, leading me to believe that it’s entirely possible that she had no idea where to start or how she might reciprocate for Mary. Maybe she indeed was a pillow princess and didn’t care to return the favor at all, but either way, my answer is, “Never give with the intention of receiving in return!” If you get a return on your “investment,” that’s great, but if you don’t get the same returned effort, be happy knowing you pleasured someone else, do not hold it against that person.

That brings erections. lack of erection

attraction to the woman he is with. Men get the short end of the stick here; they can’t hide it. There are plenty of times I was totally turned on, but you wouldn’t know it due to a lack of my moistness. I’d slap on some lube, and we go at it. The lack of an erection doesn’t mean the man is not turned on. It just means his brain and his body haven’t made that connection yet. As a woman in Mary’s sexuation, it is not easy to stop yourself from going into self-defamation talk and getting down on yourself, but that’s the opposite of what this sexuation needs. James did the right thing; he returned to his partner when things got hard, or umm, didn’t.

He knew his partner would be helpful in getting him hard, and he is allowed to, and encouraged to, return to his partner in this scenario. It was Mary’s response to this that really set the tone for the rest of the experience, and it is so avoidable. When a man can’t get hard, the partner with him in that moment should take their time to help him come around. Try a blow job, kissing, a hand job, or caressing his body. Allow him to go back to his own partner or just get out of his line of sight and let him watch his own partner enjoying herself. He may just need a bit of time to come around. If he needs more time than you are willing to give, you may join in on the other interaction to take the pressure off, make it a threesome, find a place to get involved. Caress the other female, kiss her or your partner, touch your partner, and chances are that the less pressure that man feels to get hard, the quicker it will happen. However, there is the chance that it may not happen at all. Be prepared for that possibility as well. There are many aggravating factors that may make it exceedingly difficult to nearly impossible to maintain an erection, things like stress and alcohol or drug consumption, to name a few.

On another note, there is likely a component of jealousy on Mary’s part that she was not the center of attention. Those feelings should be discussed between Mark and Mary, and sorted through so that they can set boundaries and possibly even safe words that can be put into play in their future sexuations.

I also want to briefly touch on expectations as well. For Mary and Mark, the expectation that a very new lifestyle couple would be able to bring the heat in the bedroom was pretty far off base. Realize who you are getting involved with and line up your expectations appropriately.

A soft penis is not the end of the world! Men can please women with more than just their penis. We each need to learn the best way to work around it. Approach each sexuation with a positive, “can do” attitude and look for the places where you can make the exchange sexy and fun for yourself as well everyone else.

sexuation with a positive

Living an alternative lifestyle means you’re not tied down by traditional expectations and you can begin to focus on what’s truly important to you. It means finally getting to be my true, authentic self This, in turn, has lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life. It takes so much strength and willpower to lead an alternative lifestyle. This is why most people choose not to. It's also why most people do not ever feel truly fulfilled in life!

HOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENLIVINGANALTLIFE? WHATATTRACTEDYOUTOIT?

We began the BDSM lifestyle over 10 years ago, and the enm lifestyle 2 years ago. We are very sexual people, who enjoy exploring and fulfilling those needs together

HOWWOULDDOYOUDEFINEYOURALTLIFE?

EXCITING. EXCITING. EXCITING.

We get to explore and discover new places, people, and things together every single day!

WHATISYOURFAVORITEVANILLAACTIVITY?

WATCHING WATCHING WATCHING LIVE

MUSIC. LIVE MUSIC. LIVE MUSIC.

I am a drummer and music fanatic and I adore and appreciate all artists so much!

WHATISYOURBIGGESTTURNON? PERSONALITY PERSONALITY

WHATISYOURBIGGESTTURNOFF?

WHATISONELESSONYOUHAVELEARNON YOURALTLIFEJOURNEY?

Communication is everything! No matter how small or silly it might be, speak up!

SPEAK UP! SPEAK UP! SPEAK UP!

WHATISONETHING ONYOURBUCKET LISTYOUHOPETODO THISYEAR?

BLISS BLISS BLISS

CRUISE CRUISE CRUISE

NO SENSE NO SENSENO SENSE OF HUMOR OF HUMOROF HUMOR

WHATSYOURGUILTYPLEASURE?

REALITY TV REALITY TV REALITY TV

WHATISYOURFAVORITEFOOD?

BBQ BBQ BBQ

Queefing the feminine way to pass gas

I've been seeing a lot of questions lately in my office and online about "queefing". Whomever came up with the term queefing, in my humble opinion, is an absolute genius! So, what exactly is the definition of queefing?

According to Dictionary.com: NOUN: Slang: Vulgar. an expulsion of air through the vagina.

Anybody else a little irritated with the use of the word "vulgar "there? As if women are trying to be sexual about passing gas through the vagina. Truth be known, there's not a real term for passing wind from the vagina. "Why," you ask? Probably because men don't do this, so it's never been added to the "non-slang" dictionary. In medical literature the phenomenon of farting from your lady parts is known as either "vaginal wind", or "vaginal air." There are only a few literature articles on the subject, listed in the wee tiny print below. Some of the info here is collected from those articles, some of it's just from my experience, both personal, and with patients. (Yes, I queef on occasion. As you'll find out, most women do!)

Queefing FAQs

Since there seems to be a lot of confusion about queefing, so let's tackle the most common questions.

How common is queefing?

In the general population, we just don't know for sure. One literature review, says it's between 1 and 69%. The single article I could locate on the topic of prevalence found that 69% of women pass gas via the vagina at least twice a week. Let's go with 69% as the best number we've got. Asking around my office and my female friends, most women will admit they've queefed before, even if it isn't a regular problem.

Queefing FAQ's

How does the air get in there? Does a queef smell bad?

Vaginal air can come from two places. First, it can get in the vagina from something called a fistula. A fistula is a little opening between the bowel and the vagina, most often seen after traumatic prolonged vaginal delivery, or after vaginal/pelvic surgery. This can be diagnosed in your doctor's office or with imaging, like a CT or MRI.

The most common way for air to get into the vagina is from outside the body. The classic time is during sex. With repeated penetration, the penis pushes air from outside up into the vagina. After sex queefs are by far the most common. Air can also get inside the vagina during exercising, especially activities like yoga where your bum is up in the air. Some people suck air up inside the vagina while shifting around in their chairs at work, or while moving around in their sleep. When you're sitting or lying down, the pelvic floor tends to be less tight, and allows for air to seep up in there. Then when you stand up, it comes out. This is particularly the case in ladies with tight pelvic floor muscles. The tightness of the muscles seems to help suck in the air, and keep it trapped.

Is queefing dangerous?

Nope. Not in the least. If it's associated with a fistula, it'll need to be fixed. But classic passage of vaginal air that's trapped is common, and normal. It doesn't hurt, and is not dangerous. But it can be embarrassing. Many times a queef makes a noise similar to a fart. That sound can draw attention, obviously, and women with regular queefs tend to feel shameful about it.

If a man farts in the forest, and no one is there to appreciate it, does it smell? Depends on how you think about it. In order for something to smell, a nose must be there to inhale the chemicals that produce a signal in the brain of a particular odor. When you pass flatus (that's the actual medical term for rectal gas) most of the time it has little or no odor. Rectal gas is a combination of swallowed air and byproducts of the microbes living in your gut. Certain foods notorious for gas (like broccoli and milk) are partly broken down by bacteria in your gut, which produces hydrogen sulfide. That chemical is what gives smelly farts their odor.

Is there anything I can do to reduce or stop it?

There's no literature on this. These recommendations come from experience and from a little medical logic. If you queef mostly after sex, using a good lubricant can help. When the penis slides more easily, it doesn't push as much air up in there. Good lubricants are generally either water or silicone based. You'll need to use one that's pH balanced. The lubricants I recommend to my patients are "Good Clean Love", "Desert Harvest Glide", and "Uberlube". If you're one that queefs after sitting too long at work, getting up regularly will reduce the likelihood of having the sound.

nging Skeptic Study on

MONOGAMY MONOGAMY and

! It’s your keptic back ghts into our s g g a d esty e ad e tu es! Today, I am reviewing an article from the Journal of Sex Research in 2015: Consensual Nonmonogamy: Psychological Well-Being and Relationship Quality Correlates. This article comes from Alicia N. Rubel, from Brock University Department of Psychology, and Anthony F. Bogaert, from the same university’s Health Sciences and Psychology Department.

BY: POPPUNKPINEAPPLE

I know many (probably most) of us have seen TikToks, YouTube videos, and all sorts of proswinger media that promise that swinging is the sun and stars. Speaking personally, I can say that joining the Swinger Society and finding a community of like-minded, non-monogamous creatures has meant a great deal to me personally. It made me feel like I had finally found a community that understood me better than any group of people I had been a part of before. In that vein, though, we should always be realistic about what we say when we advocate for the lifestyle. That’s what this article gets after. The question Rubel and Bogaert seek to answer is, “Does consensual nonmonogamy of various forms trend with psychological well-being and relationship quality?”

No spoilers! You should read to the end of the article to find the results! But let’s talk about the research itself. The authors look at three consensual non-monogamy (CNM) types: swinging, open relationships, and polyamory. This paper is effectively a “study of studies,” which takes results from 40 years of peer-reviewed research to get an outcome most representative of fact. The authors give some ratings to the previous research to rate their quality. They also let readers know that any research in this area has some big caveats and issues. Let’s talk about them for a bit.

First, as we know, larger societies often view swingers as “illegitimate and objectionable.” This trend is seen in societies worldwide, irrespective of rage, religion, or color. Because of that, swinger communities are often secretive, secluded, or willingly removed from popular discourse (I encourage us all to take a moment and appreciate that we have an environment where we can be, if not 100% ‘out,’ at least a measure more ‘out’ than previous generations). The nature of that secrecy and seclusion leads to survey answer rates that are small and non-representative.

Second, self-reporting studies (which studies in this field often are) are flawed because self-reporting individuals tend to skew answers based on their preferred view of themselves and their community. Third, the best kinds of studies are randomized and double-blinded. With the body of research available, that’s highly difficult to accomplish. So, before we talk about the specific results of this study, we should remember that most studies of relationships, particularly relationships considered “taboo” in various ways, should be taken with a grain of salt.

SO, LET’S HIT SOME HIGHLIGHTS, SHALL WE? SO, LET’S HIT SOME HIGHLIGHTS, SHALL WE?

PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEINGPSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING

The overwhelming majority of CNM individuals (97.5%) report positive impacts of the lifestyle on their psychological well-being. Of the 12.5% that had reported a measure of anxiety or depression from CNM, most attributed the causes of those negative effects to societal reaction rather than the practice of CNM itself.

Non-monogamists and monogamists showed no significant difference in standardized tests of psychological well-being and personality characteristics.

There are indications that CNM individuals experience more positive rates of excitement in their lives and the extent to which they feel connected to society and their close friends!

Swingers reported drinking less at social gatherings than a comparison group, and recent studies also suggest lower rates of drug use among CNM individuals.

RELATIONSHIP QUALITY RELATIONSHIP QUALITY RELATIONSHIP QUALITY

CNM and monogamous couples do not differ on one of the most common measurements known as the Dyadic Adjustment Scale.

Perhaps most crucially, CNM couples reported happiness levels on par with monogamous couples!

Jealousy is common in CNM relationships, but (and this is important) CNM couples do not report higher rates of jealousy than monogamous relationships!

CNM couples report similar rates of sexual satisfaction as monogamous couples.

Divorce rates for both categories are similar, and the causality of CNM activities to divorce rates has not been established in any study.

Ultimately, this study gives us a very strong buffer against some of the common anti-non-monogamy tropes out there. “It’ll ruin your marriage.” “You don’t love each other.” “You’re not enough for each other.” These claims are simply not represented in the data.

SEXY SKIN ISN'T BURNT!

SPF Which products are rightforyou?

As the April showers have turned over to May bringing flowers, outdoor life is in full swing.

Did you see what I did there?

Pool parties, BBQs, amusement parks, camping trips, cruises, and resorts are all part of the summerand sun season. It means fun, laughter, long days and nights of debauchery and sun exposure. So, so much sun exposure.

With an ever evolving climate and shifts in air quality, the need for proper skin protection is at an all time high. If you are translucent like me, you may keep a stash of SPF products stored in the likes of a Dooms Day Prepper’s basement (because the Zombie Apocalypse is no time for a sunburn) or you might be the person who is hitting up your chair neighbor at the pool for a little squirt….of sunblock. Regardless of your complexion, we all need shielding from the harmful rays the beautiful sun bestows upon us.

Picking the products that work best for you can be a bit complicated. Stores are stacked with shelf after shelf of sunblock creams, lotions, and sprays. Some claim to be waterproof, sport proof, sweat proof, atomic bomb proof. You name it, it is being offered on the bottle of these SPF. Numbers on the bottle range from 5 to 100+.

But, what does it all mean?

“SPF stands for sun protection factor, a relative measurement for the amount of time the sunscreen will protect you from ultraviolet (UV) rays.” - Encyclopedia Brittanica

There are two types of UV rays: UVB and UVA. UVB rays have a short wavelength and hit the surface of our skin. These are the rays responsible for skin reddening/sunburns and the primary rays shielded with sunblock. UVA rays feature a longer wavelength and penetrate through the top layers of skin, resulting in tanning, burns, and premature skin aging. Most sun blocks now have added UVA protection but double check when purchasing to be sure. This will typically be labeled as “broad-spectrum”. While UVB rays are stronger, UVA rays go further into your skin which can result in more damage such as skin cancer UVA is also the rays mostly commonly used in tanning beds.

Now let’s get to the numbers and what they mean. The number that accompanies the SPF on a bottle of sunblock signifies the amount of additional time it will take your skin to become red/burned by UV rays. If you are someone with a very fair complexion that burns within 10 minutes of sun exposure, an SPF of 50 would grant you 500 minutes, or a little over 8 hours, of protection. The other part of SPF to consider is the amount of UVB rays it blocks. These baselines are pulled from a perfect environment of no water, sweat, activity, sand, or movement. Realistically, you want to reapply your sunblock every 2 to 3 hours (or as recommended on the products packaging) for maximum effect.

The last option to cover in sun protection products is lotions versus sprays. Both types can be found in water-resistant formulas ranging from 5 SPF to 100+ SPF. Numerous studies over the years have found that both lotions and sprays are equally as effective. However, they MUST be applied correctly in order for them to give the same, expected level of protection. Spray sunscreens are convenient and less messy than a lotion but are typically applied incorrectly more often than the other. When using a spray, it is important to see the product on your skin. Then, be sure you distribute the product fully by rubbing it around. This will prevent missed areas and silly looking suntans and burns.

SPF 30 blocks 97% of UVB rays

SPF 100 blocks 99% of UVB rays

When applying to the face, it is recommended to spray onto hands and rubbing the sunscreen onto the face/ears from your fingers. Not only will this better guarantee coverage, it will prevent the spray from entering the eyes, throat, and mouth. Lotions do typically provide a bit more of a mess during application. Usually white in color, they are applied much like any body lotion. It is recommended to place the lotion into hands before applying onto body instead of squirting the lotion directly onto the area needing coverage as the latter may cause areas to be missed and the product not being evenly distributed

The biggest thing to remember is to use all products as directed. Each manufacturer may have slightly different recommendations of application and wear time due to their products’ specific performance. Regardless of your skin tone, SPF is recommended to all humans who experience exposure to the sun. Just because you can’t easily see the damage, it does not mean that it’s not happening. Here are a few more recommendations from the Skin Cancer Foundation:

Seek the shade, especially between 10 AM and 4 PM.

Don’t get sunburned.

Avoid tanning, and never use UV tanning beds.

Cover up with clothing, including a broad-brimmed hat and UVblocking sunglasses.

Use a broad-spectrum (UVA/UVB) sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or higher every day. For extended outdoor activity, use a waterresistant, broad- spectrum (UVA/UVB) sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher.

Apply 1 ounce (2 tablespoons) of sunscreen to your entire body 30 minutes before going outside. Reapply every two hours or after swimming or excessive sweating.

Keep newborns out of the sun. Use sunscreen on babies over the age of six months.

Examine your skin head-to-toe every month.

See a dermatologist at least once a year for a professional skin exam.

Remember, you only get one skin. Keep it sexy.

Newbie Newbie Advicefor

BY: HOT MILF AND DILF

How do I know if swinging is right for my partner and me?

This is something that doesn’t have one true answer. To help figure out if the lifestyle is for you and your partner, you need to take time and have long, meaningful conversations about what you are looking for and what it could do for your relationship.

While swinging can be of great benefit to add to a strong, healthy relationship, it can also damage one that is needing repair. Swinging shouldn’t be used to try to “fix” or “save” a relationship.

Swinging is different for each couple. One style works for one couple but doesn’t necessarily work for another. The best advice that we can give is to have open and honest discussions with your partner and take your time to learn more about the lifestyle before jumping into anything.

Swingers

How do my partner and I get started in the Lifestyle?

It is important to remember that communication is of utmost importance. When you’ve decided together to start entering the Lifestyle, start by creating your list of rules and boundaries. These will not be the same for anyone, and there are no requirements for what should or shouldn’t be on your list.

Creating this list will help to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. In turn, when you are ready to begin talking with others you can confidently communicate with them what your rules and boundaries are as well. Over time, this list may evolve as you begin to explore more of the lifestyle and find additional things that may be of interest, or things that become more defined boundaries.

How do you handle jealousy?

It is not abnormal for jealous feelings to come up, but it is important to handle these feelings in a positive way. The most important thing you can do when you notice them is to address them. Reflect on why you might be feeling jealousy, and really try to find the root cause. It is okay to take a step back from a situation and take time to gain more perspective to really help yourself (and your partner) understand why these feelings are occurring.

If feelings of jealousy do arise, it is recommended to prioritize your relationship. Put you and your partner first, and communicate together to work through these feelings.

After being able to take time to reflect and talk through all your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

What are some best tips and advice for a newbie in the Lifestyle?

The best advice is simply to communicate at the highest level. You should be having a conversation off the bat about what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with to avoid any potential issues upfront.

Secondly, over each experience, you will be changing the rules you set up. This happens when you become more comfortable with the Lifestyle and find what works for you. This isn’t a one size fits all so you will need to constantly be communicating. That is going to be one of the keywords you need to always remember to be successful.

Reading a lot of books around the LS (lifestyle) is going to be a great help as well. A personal favorite is Ethical Slut which goes through the ins and outs of an Open Relationship and being in the LS. Another resource is Jealous Workbook. This is a great one because it’s literally a workbook that helps you understand if you want to be in the lifestyle. It will test your thought process with questions you’ll need to ask yourself and write out how you feel etc. We also have a compilation of books/resources in our #nonmonogamyresources thread under “Podcast, Books & More”.

JOIN THE SWINGER SOCIETY

W H Y A L T L I F E ?

You may be wondering why we’ve decided to launch a magazine. That’s a fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on nonmonogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.

So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.

This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Over the last year and a half of our journey into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it. Alternative lifestyle people are some of the kindest and most genuine people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.

Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.

We belie that is to from the light on the community.

So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.

We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.

MAGAZINE