NEWS4U JUNE 2022 | ENTERTAINMENT
TRI-STATE HORRORSCOPES NO MATTER YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN, THINGS AREN'T EXACTLY LOOKING UP THIS MONTH
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20)
You will awake in an alternate universe where, as the foreman of the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial, you'll be forced to sit through every excruciating minute of testimony over and over in a Groundhog Day-esque nightmare.
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22)
Every penny of your savings will be mistakenly transferred to Bitcoin. And you will not recall the password to the account. (hint: it's not 1-2-3-4 or 4-3-2-1)
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22)
Due to a glitch with your Spotify account, Bobby McFerrin's 1988 a cappella hit "Don't Worry Be Happy" will play 24-7 like a torture scene straight out of Gitmo. You will indeed worry.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
After attending a screening of Top Gun: Maverick, you will return home to find star Tom Cruise maniacally jumping up and down on your couch with irrepressible excitement - until you burst his bubble with a meh review of the movie. He will then suckerslap you a la Will Smith and instruct you to keep his name out of your f-ing mouth. LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Going big or going home in the bad decision department, you will insist on getting a face tattoo after a few too many shots during a raucous night out. The following morning, bleary-eyed, you will discover "This Is Us" etched into your forehead upon checking the bathroom mirror. Like every character on the show, you will ball your eyes out.
40 | JUNE 2022
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