NEWS4U AUGUST 2022 | ENTERTAINMENT
TRI-STATE HORRORSCOPES NO MATTER YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN, THINGS AREN'T EXACTLY LOOKING UP THIS MONTH
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20)
Totally late to the party, you will try to convince everyone that you're a huge fan of Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill" and always have been. Nice try. CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22)
You will be offered an obscene amount of money to join the controversial LIV golf tour but then realize you'll have to cozy up to the likes of d-bags Brooks Koepka and Patrick Reed for the next year. Suddenly you'll "find" some spare change under the couch cushions to pay the bills and politely decline. Too late - the Saudis already signed your stupid ass up and now own you. LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22)
This month you will once again be blamed for inflation and high gas prices everywhere you go and be even more unpopular. At least you'll be prepared for all the ass-kickings this time.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You will be forced to eat every meal with Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg and tasked with explaining their strangely marketable chemistry. Good luck with that.
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22)
You will wake up in an alternate reality where President Matthew McConaughey presides over the country. At first everything will be alright, alright, alright, but you'll quickly grow tired of his surfer-dude persona and regret not voting for John Travolta.
42 | AUGUST 2022
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Photo Credit: Nat Phelps
