WHAT IS SELF-LOVE ANYWAYS?
Self-love was a foreign concept
By Kora-lea Vidal
to me up until about five years ago. I found it difficult to build a relationship with myself when I was stuck in a cycle of self loathing and abuse.
For fourteen years I was subject to an eating disorder, bulimia. It kept me a prisoner in my mind, as I constantly battled thoughts of eating and thoughts of becoming fat. I immensely feared gaining weight and went to all extremes to counteract my binge eating. It helped that I was a national level athlete and all around gym junkie. The amount I would exercise in one day is ex haus ting j us t to th i n k about now. I still couldn’t quite miss my trips to the toilet bowl.
I literally had my head in the toilet when it came to loving any part of myself. 53
W h a t i s S e l f- L o v e A n y w a y?
I suffered from extreme body dysmorphia after being teased in high school. The boys in my class said my body looked like a snowman. One word, and I was damaged goods. Every time I looked in the mirror after that point, I felt I looked too round in my mid-section. I attempted to starve myself on numerous occasions only to devour every food item I could get my hands on within moments. This made me feel like a failure and I hated myself even more. I was disgusted and ashamed of my bulimia and kept it secret for so long. To this day I can’t quite figure out what exactly I was addicted to. Was it the feeling I got from the food or the feeling I got from the purge? Regardless, I was stuck in this negative cycle with no real plans for escape. Then it happened. I lost my mind. This wasn’t the first time, but it was different this time. Instead of delusions I had convictions. The conviction that I was put on this earth to serve a higher purpose for the sake of humanity. This is when I found my calling in humanitarian work.
This is when I found myself.
