From Self-Sabotage to Self-Love
Do you love
yourself? I mean, really love yourself. Or, are there two of you? The one you show the world and the one inside who questions, doubts and critics. By Carolynne Melnyk
For many years, I did not love myself. In fact, I may have been on a path of self-destruction. Those of you who know me now might be thinking no way! But, underneath the smiling, self-assured confidence that you see today, once hid a cauldron of self-pity, insecurities, a craving for love, victimhood and unhappiness. I know I'm not alone... We hide our secret selfloathing behind a mask of self-assuredness and the smile of deception. We think we are fooling the world, but we are only fooling ourselves. On the outside, my world was amazing! I was my family and friends' envy as I travelled the world, had a successful career, and a high income.
So, what was the problem? Why couldn't I be happy? 61
Self Love
I would look at my life and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I had a taste of this inner peace once in my life. Where did it go, and how do I get it back?
The more I tried, the more elusive it became. Self-love and happiness were always just out of reach. I was on a roller coaster of incredible highs and devastating lows. With the lows came solo binge drinking, cascades of tears fuelled with self-pity and self-loathing, gorging on junk food, smoking, and unhealthy relationships. Why couldn't I stay happy? Why did the lows always follow the highs? Why couldn't I be like other people and be content?
I was living in my own self-made hell! The sad part was, I played my role on the stage of life so well that I fooled everyone except myself. Within me was a little girl crying out for love, wanting to be seen and acknowledged that she was good enough. On my quest for reassurance of my self-worth, I looked to the world for self-validation. I was looking in the wrong place! Eventually, a quiet inner voice began to whisper to me again, and through the chaos of my
