W
In the Bag
hen I first started FA, I had I didn’t want to do, like binge. the usual questions and I have a theory that we all have a bag of most of them started with "stuff " that drives us, and if we want to live the word “why.” Why do I have to go to a full and happy life, we need to know three meetings a week? Why three calls a what’s in our bag so that when these things day? Why, why, why? One of my later pop up, we can see them and choose to do questions had to do with the Fourth Step. something about them. It says in Alcoholics Anonymous that none Through working Step Four, I learned of us likes searching what was in my bag out and illuminating of character defects. Now I understand that our character deNow that I am in refects, but unless we covery, I know that my character defects can are willing to do it, there is a way to deal block me off from my we won’t be able to with the stresses of quit drinking (or, in life and my characHigher Power and keep me ter defects so that FA, bingeing). I joined an they go back in the from everything AWOL and eventubag and leave me ally learned why we alone. that’s good in life. do the Fourth Step. One of the things Now I understand in my bag is a tenthat my character defects can block me dency to "awfulize" and "catastrophize." off from my Higher Power and keep me This goes along with negative thinking, from everything that’s good in life. My another thing in my bag. If the phone emotional baggage will also eventually rings, I just know someone died. If I hear lead me back to the food if I don’t deal a siren, I just know something bad hapwith it properly. Before FA, I was unaware pened to a loved one or friend. If I have a of my defects and didn’t realize that my task to do, I am sure it will take a long time personality flaws were causing me unnec- and be harder than I thought. essary stress and driving me to do things A few years back, I decided to do a land10
July/August 2022
