Finding My Way Back
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ddictive eating, for me, was almost certainly a death sentence. But the decision to connect to an FA meeting via video conference in August 2021 changed my life. I first started FA in 2014. I had some success losing weight, having started at 274 pounds and getting down to 199 pounds. I left FA because I was unable to be completely honest with my sponsors about weighing and measuring my food, as well as eating in restaurants. When I started regaining weight, I felt hopeless and quit the program. After leaving FA, my addictive eating escalated, and the added weight took a toll on my body. As I kept gaining weight, getting out of bed and walking around the house were nearly impossible. My bladder leaked and I embarrassingly would often not make it to the bathroom in time. My swollen ankles and feet left me unable to wear enclosed shoes. I wore only flip flops, even in winter. Worried about my health, my extended family constantly warned me about my six-to-eight-bottles-a-day diet soda addiction. When shopping with my husband, I had to use a motorized cart or wait in the car while he shopped. He did all the shopping and carried groceries into the house without my help. He 18
fixed all his meals, which were healthy, balanced foods, while I washed down large quantities of bagged or prepared foods full of flour and sugar with diet soda. Because I could not take care of myself, I felt humiliated. My diabetes worsened. Over time, the 240 units of insulin I took to try to control blood sugars wasn’t enough. Even though I knew I was going to eat myself into a casket, I could not stop eating addictively. My husband had resigned himself to a future living alone. I honestly believed death was near. One day I was visiting a friend who, years earlier, left FA, just as I had. She told me why she returned to the program. During a consultation with her doctor about gastric bypass, he encouraged her to return to the Twelve-Step Program that worked so well for her in the past. Heeding her doctor’s advice, she returned to FA. I immediately saw a dramatic change in her. She was abstinent and happy. I wanted what she had. Witnessing this change gave me a measure of hope. She explained how I could get on a virtual FA meeting using a computer app from home. That day in August 2021, a miracle happened. The fellow who qualified spoke about how perfectionism had ruled her life. She learned to live a life of progress, July/August 2022
