June 2023: Make My Next Step Abundantly Clear. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

Find ing Hop e

When I rst came to FA almost three years a go, I was utterl y defe ated by my obsessi on w ith food and my bod y. Ever y thing I d i d was to rel ieve the pain of insecurit y and to tr y to control my weight and eating habits.

e dail y c ycle of tr y and fail, tr y and fail, tr y and fail made me bel ieve I was a failure. I hated myself I s aw p eople l i v ing seemingl y happy l ives, yet I could barel y get out of b ed. Most mornings I w a s onl y motivated to get up and mov ing so I could eat, which was insane thinking because my eating had hurt me so much the day before! It was exactly like an alcoholic who takes that morning drink. I never saw it that way until FA . I’d tr y to give myself some lee way and e at a “ norma l” me a l w ith our a nd suga r items, or things that were salt y and grea s y that my f r i end s a nd f a mi l y could have in norma l p or ti ons a nd b e ne. But I could not. e obsessi on w a s t r i g gered. Now, I fel t I w a s bad. I had eaten “ bad food” and w hat would I do ab out it? Eat more a nd start a gain tomorrow? Restrict the rest of the d ay? row it up? Exercise? I ne ver knew the right solution that would give me peace a er eating , and I couldn’t stop my-

self from eating it in the rst place. Other d ays, I would have more control. I’d have a pi ece of fr uit a nd a d i et ba r, tel l myself how go o d I w a s doing , a nd get a high from feeling in control and slim. I’d go for a fe w weeks on my d iet and absolutel y loved it when I would wake up in the morning feel ing thinner tha n I d i d the d ay b efore. I could tel l w hen I lost wei g ht immediatel y upon awakening. It was a “hit” a nd a hi g h, a nd then inste ad of my rst thought being food it would be, “I wonder how much weight I lost!” e scale would reinforce my d iet mental it y and I’d be able to continue on this hi g h throug hout the day. But that would only last so long. I loved sugar so much, and I would tel l myself I deser ved some re ward for my e or ts. I’d tel l myself I’d sti l l b e thin enoug h tomorrow, w hat’s the ha rm in hav ing one pi ece? I could do this for a time, have just a l ittle of something , but if I began to let myself have just one l ittle bit of “bad” food, eventual l y I’d be o to the races a gain.

I ga ined a nd lost b et ween 30 a nd 60 pounds so many times since I was a teen I can ’ t even remember how many times I’ve been a size 0 or a size 12. I am now 34 years

old, just under 5-feet, 4-inches, and weig h about 111 pounds. Prior to FA, I had never been in a right-sized bod y for longer than a fe w months. If I d id mana ge to get thin, I never considered myself to be thin enough and my personalit y was totally crazy. If I was in a thin body I was part ying , meeting men, sp end ing obsessi vel y, a nd in genera l just making poor, impulsive decisions in an effort to make l ife a continual high. When I w a s he av i er I w a s depressed , slow, feel ing sorr y for myself, hating a nyone w ho w a s thin or happy, watching food shows, smoking a lot of marijuana , and l y ing to myself that it w a s okay to be “fat and happy.” R ega rd less of my wei g ht, my l i fe w a s tota l l y unmana geable, yet I sti l l thoug ht that i f I got thinner e ver y thing would f a l l into place.

Tod ay, I don’t l ive or think l i ke that anymore. By my HP’s grace, I was able to admit defeat and nd freedom and hope in recognizing my powerlessness over food. I nally real ized I needed someone to tel l me what to eat, that I can ’ t control this “food thing , ” w hich I’ve learned is a d isea se c a l led food addiction. It is far beyond my human capacit y to mana ge on my ow n. It is a spiritua l , mental, and physical sickness, which means I need spiritual inter vention from a Higher Power, ps ycholog i c a l and emoti ona l support from fellows and a sponsor, and a meal pl a n that physi c a l l y supp or t s my b o d y

throug h the absence of our a nd suga r (which I learned I am al lergic to).

It ha s ta ken some time in Pro g ra m, but just by working ever y tool ever y day, trusting my sponsor and taking her sug gestions, and a lways (to the best of my abi l it y) putting my pro g ra m a nd recover y rst, I a m able to say that food and my weight are no longer my rst thoughts when I wake up in the morning! I think ab out the blessings ahead. I think about my Higher Power and the g re at love I recei ve. I tha nk Go d a nd pray for an abstinent day and for the people in my life. at is a miracle I never expected or thought I’d even want. I love that if I want to feel go o d ab out myself to d ay, I don’t lo ok to my me a l s or my wei g ht, I lo ok to my pro g ra m that te aches me how to l i ve. My l i fe is ma na ge able to d ay. I a m out of credit card debt and own my car. I am starting a healthy, abstinent relationship with a nice man who is also in Twelve-Step recover y. I have a job that I love a nd a home I maintain. My fami l y relationships have al l improved and I’m not afraid of people l ike I used to b e. e simple to ol s a nd d iscipl ines of my program have changed my l ife for the better on ever y level. Who knew admitting p ower lessness could inv ite such blessings into one ’ s l ife? I c an ’ t w a it to see w hat other blessings of recover y God ha s for me.

Ful l Time S oluti on

Re cen t l y I h e a rd s o m e o n e s ay at a meeting that working the FA prog r a m i s l i k e wo r k i n g a p a r t- t i m e job. Looking back over the 28 years I have been free from our and sugar in FA, I c an understand w hat she meant. If I had heard that statement w hen I rst c a me to FA, I would have le I w a sn ’ t looking for a job, I w a s looking for a solution.

B e f o re I f o u n d t h i s p ro g r a m, I w a s 2 2 years old, weig hed 280 pound s, and w a s 5f e et , 6 - i n c h e s t a l l . I w a s i n a n u n h e a l t hy, vol ati le rel ati onshi p, l i v ing in a b a sement apar tment w ith a man w ho w a s a l so an add ict.

My l i f e re v o l v e d a ro u n d e at i n g . If I wanted to go home from work earl y to eat, I d id. If I w a s letharg ic from a nig ht of eating , I d idn’t show up for work. If I woke up hungr y at 2:00 a m , I’d get up to cook and eat my favorite foods. When I d id mana ge to get out of bed the next morning , I’d eat t h e p re v i o us n i g h t ’ s l e o v er d e s s er t f o r brea kfa st, and then head to the ba ker y for more.

A l l my re l at i o ns h i p s were cen tere d around food , too. I thoug ht I c ared about other people, but food c ame rst.

Phy s i c a l l y, I h a d h e a r t p a l p i t at i o ns , chronic insomnia , panic attacks, my knees ached, and I couldn’t shop at reg ular clothi n g s to re s. ( I wo re t h e b i g g e s t s i ze i n t h e onl y specia lt y store that ex isted back then for people my size.)

I w anted a d i erent l ife, but had no idea how to get it, so I continued to eat, thinki n g t h at e at i n g wo u l d m a k e m e h a p p y. Twent y minutes later I wanted to eat more. en c a m e FA My sp o ns o r g av e m e a food pl an and told me to ima g ine I w a s in intensive c are. She sug gested that if I were a drug add ict, I would be in a detox facil it y, so I needed to treat myself the s ame w ay. Food w a s my dr ug. And the most import a n t t h i n g I n e e d e d to u n d er s t a n d a n d admit w a s that I had a d isea se.

In t h o s e e a r l y d ay s , I rem em b er a s k i n g my sponsor what she’d think if I missed one of my reg ul a r, committed meetings for a socia l occ a sion. She l i kened my meetings to d ia l ysis “If you had kidne y d isea se and n e e d e d d i a l y s i s t h re e t i m e s p er we e k , would you say ‘I think I’l l skip this appointm en t b e c aus e I h av e a p a r t y to g o to ’ ? ” I ne ver forgot that conversation.

I went to a s many meetings a s I could. In

t h e r s t f e w we e k s , I wen t e v er y d ay. I d idn’t have a c ar, so I took the bus or got a ride w ith the generous people I met at FA m e et i n g s. I wen t b e c aus e I d e sp er ate l y

I a l s o h e a rd p e o p l e t a l k a b o u t m a k i n g telephone c a l l s (w hich I had a lread y been doing bec ause I had so many questions). I a l so he a rd ab out ta king qui et time, pract i c i n g w r i t i n g , a n d a b o u t the other tools we use ever y d ay to s t ay a b s t i n en t . S l o w l y, t h e s e to o l s h e l p e d me ta ke baby steps tow ard a b et ter l i f e ; a l i f e w i t h o u t my dr ugs, our and sugar. e resul t? Tod ay, I am a competent and trusted f ullt i m e em p l o y e e , a n em p athetic and attenti ve parent, a good friend , and a lov ing spouse.

needed to hear hope. e hope I heard in t h o s e m e et i n g s g av e m e t h e s t ren g t h to stay away from my dr ug , one day, one hour at a time.

I don’t v ie w FA a s a job or s o m et h i n g I n e e d to b a lance w ith my other pri orities. I am an addict. If I don’t ta ke c are of myself by putting my recover y rst, I am n o g o o d to a ny o n e a n d i n danger of eating addictively a g a i n. A n d f o r m e , to e at a d d i c t i v e l y m e a ns cer t a i n destruction of this wonderf ul l ife I’ve been g i ven in recover y.

In FA, I’ve found something better than a par t-time job. I’ve found a solution.

Joanna A., Mar yl and , US

XANDRA G., CA

Dressing Up Any w ay

When I was a little girl, my mother bought me a new Easter out t ever y year: dress, coat, shoes, purse, hat, and gloves. When I would look at myself wearing the out t, I thought I was beautiful.

I was not born a food addict. I started eating addictively at eight years old. My mother was pregnant, and I felt threatened that I would be replaced. at was also my last year for new Easter out ts. I did not stop eating addictively for the next six decades.

Eventually, I found FA and by following the FA program, I lost 122 pounds. By Easter of 2019, I was at a comfortable weight and had been for a few months. Wanting to relive the memor y of dressing up, I set a goal to have a beautif ul Easter out t for 2020. A er six months of searching , I found the perfect out t in October. It was an o -white designer suit in a size 4, with accompanying shoes, purse, and gloves. Easter was six months away, however, and I did not know if

I could wait that long to wear it. I decided to practice patience and gratitude. My gratitude was limited somewhat by my impatience, but I kept at it. I could do it! For t wo-and-a-half years, God had helped me abstain from our and sugar and only eat weighed, measured, and committed foods. In addition, my connection with God had grown and strengthened because of the FA discipline of daily meditation.

I had prayed and been a member of a religious denomination before I came to FA, but it was the disciplines I practiced in FA, such as meditating and reading FA literature, that cleared up my diseased thinking and helped me learn how to handle situations intuitively. Consequently, I knew that with God’s help I could certainly wait six months to wear my lovely out t. Never once did I wonder if I would be able to t into the clothes. I had a new-found securit y. I knew that as long as I continued following the FA program, I would be ne. But by March of 2020, the COVID-19

Dressing up was ... an expression of gratitude to my Higher Power for the gi s I had been given.

pandemic was taking place, and we were under “shelter-in-place” orders. At rst, I felt like I was in a prison. Large gatherings were no longer allowed, which meant no FA meetings and no church ser vices. During this initial turmoil, I forgot about my Easter out t. Before I knew it, Easter Sunday arrived. I had the perfect out t and I wanted to dress up and feel beautiful, but now there was nowhere to go. I felt disappointed.

Without a clear reason and even though no one would see me, I decided to dress up anyway. My husband did, too. We had our own little meeting, just the t wo of us, and we took pictures. At the end of the day my husband said it had been a lovely Easter. I asked him why he thought so. He said my dressing up made him feel special and eased the burden of sheltering in place. Both our spirits had been li ed. I sent the photos to my daughter, who sent them to others. Many responded that their spirits had also been li ed. e experience taught me that dressing up was more than just for me, it was an expression of gratitude to my Higher Power for the gi s I had been given, including my healthy body. In addition, I learned that the gi of dressing up translates to others, like being pleasant or smiling. Others feel appreciated and it helps lighten their load. I will remember Easter 2020 with fondness, because of how uniquely special it was and the many lessons I learned.

Elena K., California, US

We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our a airs.

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Keep it Simple

Earl y in FA, I frequentl y a sked my sponsor if I could do something “different” with my food. I would ask if I could add this or that to my grain, or if it would be okay to mix stu into my vegetables. Her answer was always, “Keep it simple. It’s best to keep it simple.”

So I strive to keep my food simple and, as with all things in Program, the lessons learned about food carr y over into ever yday life.

Just as I thank God for my hea lthy food and the gi of abstinence, I am thankf ul for the opportunit y to live according to God’s will, not mine. When faced with a decision, I tr y to keep it simple. I weigh and measure my options. To help me understand my reactions and feel ings, I reach out to those who know me best God, my sponsor, and my fel lows. roug hout the d ay, I thank God for helping me nd a lost item, think more clearly, or speak more kindly.

But it is when life hands me a truly bothersome cha l lenge that I sometimes forget my sponsor ’ s guidance to keep it simple. As an addict, I am a master at control. If it needs doing , I can make it happen. Just get out of

my way and let me do it! I’m a good problem solver, and a management career taught me there are always multiple ways to reach a solution. e trick, though, is to nd the best solution, and this is w here I may need to apply the brakes and ask what is best for my physical, mental, and spiritual recover y.

My compl ic ated solutions to problems

o en work, but the y remind me of the ada ge about tting a square peg into a round hole, w hich

c an be done, w ith a lot of w hittl ing , manipul ation, and e ven force. But recover y can ’ t be whittled, should never be manipulated, and control belongs to God, not me. Complicating any task puts me dangerously close to a slipper y slope I don’t need to slide down.

e simple solution is usually the cleanest, the one that supports, rather than disrupts, recover y. Going for ward, I know it will ser ve me well to keep one thing in mind, whether I am prepping food , doing ser v ice, or searching for a solution to a tricky situation. If it’s compl ic ated , it’s probabl y not abstinent. It’s best to keep it simple.

Regina D., Mar yland, US

If it’s complicated, it’s probably not abstinent. It’s best to keep it simple.

Tr ue R oya lt y

When I wa s a chi ld, my fami l y and I took frequent road trips to the cit y w here my father was born, which was also where my grandparents, great-grandparents, and other fami l y members l ived. I have fond and happy memories of seeing the countr yside and being with the ones I love, but one memor y stands out l i ke a neon sign.

When my great grandmother was still al ive, we v isited her and celebrated our time together by going to a bu et restaurant called e Royal Fork. I thought this restaurant was the greatest. As a pudg y girl and a great fan of large quantities of food, eating at this restaurant was my ticket to happiness. I vividly remember the ta ste and sight of one of my favorite food items and the shine of the silver ware I used. I felt like I was royalt y. I could have stayed there all day and was extremely d isappointed w hen my fami l y wanted to leave. I felt safe in that restaurant. e act of eating , getting up for more plates f ul l of food, and eating again, kept me away from

the uncomfortable feelings I had about the fact that I probabl y wouldn't see my great grandma again. I felt shame for not knowing her well and not knowing what to say to her. I also was uncomfortable having my picture taken with the family because I felt fat and didn’t want to be seen in the pictures.

I didn’t know at the time that I ate to shield myself from feel ing , but now I look back and see that eating kept me from cr ying or showing anger and d isappointment w hen we had to leave the restaurant and leave my great grandma. A er that visit, that buffet restaurant is w hat I a ssociated w ith my great grandmother. Not her apartment, her photos, her clothing, or her smile. But that uncomfortable restaurant meal, includ ing my awkward feelings and my need to keep getting up for more food at the bu et.

Recently, I went back to the cit y where my great grandmother lived. e di erence this time was that I was abstinent in FA. My great grandma is deceased, but my grandparents are still alert and lively at the ages of 90 and

I vividly remember the taste and sight of one of my favorite food items and the shine of the silverware I used. I felt like I was royalt y.

94. I knew, going into the trip, that I might have simi lar feel ings to the ones I experienced about my great grandma when I was a young girl. I am now 32 and in a thin, healthy body of 118 pounds. e outside of me is well, and I am satis ed. e inside of me is healthy, too, thanks to stud ying the Twelve Steps in FA and my one-on-one relationship w ith my Higher Power. I had con dence that I would be able to hand le my feel ings and continue weighing and mea suring my food the same way that I have for the past six years.

On the rst day of my v isit, I faced a major challenge. My g r a n d m o t h e r brought up the topic of weight. She bra g ged about her thinness, and then began speaking of my weight. I was confused. She used to say I was too fat and needed to go on a diet and now she was saying that I was too thin. I felt ver y insecure w hen she brought in some sugar and our items and nearly forced one into my mouth. e fear in me went deep. I told her, “I would crave more if I ate it,” but that didn’t seem to work.

A er my uncle scolded her for tal king about my weight, I retreated to my car and cal led my sponsor and, thankf ul l y, she picked up the phone. She guided me to respond to my grandma by saying, ever y time she o ered me food, “No thanks, I’l l have some later.” I followed her suggestion that night at d inner, w hi le I gratef ul l y ate my w e i g h e d - a n d - m e asured meal. I must have said, “No thanks, I’l l have some later” a hundred times, but it worked ever y single time. Can you guess w ho felt l i ke tr ue royalt y w hen I le their home?

I carried this attitude and way of speaking through the rest of my v isit. And though I feel that this may be the last time I will see my grandparents on this wonderf ul Ear th, there are absolutel y no haunting food memories from this trip. I will remember weighing and mea suring al l of my food, working all of my tools, and having my grandparents’ smiles, hugs, kind words, pictures, clothing, and love in my heart forever.

MEREDITH M , ME

Fac ing R ea l it y

Thinking ab out the recover y I found in FA remind s me of a quote f rom Cha r les D i ckens’ A Tale of Two Cities. “It wa s the best of times, it wa s the worst of times, it wa s the a ge of enl i g htenment, it w a s the ep o ch of incredul it y, it w a s the sea son of d arkness, it wa s the spring of hope, it wa s the w inter of desp a ir.” e b est of times w a s w hat I thought wa s going on w ith me. e worst of times wa s the realit y of my situation.

I thoug ht that i f I could get my weight dow n, e ver y thing would b e ne. I just wanted to be thin.

But re a l isti c a l l y, I had no accountabi l it y a round fo o d. I ate w henever the thought str uck me, or more accuratel y, w ithout thinking at a l l. I’d skip e ating for d ays at a time b ec ause I w a s in love or just absent-minded. I would faint at work. I sta shed food in my glove compar tment, desk d rawer at wor k, p o cket s, the gara ge, the linen closet folded in the sheets, kitchen cupboards, and the freezer. I had a designated drawer in the kitchen just for a cer ta in suga r item. My internist told me, “ ere are no bad foods. Just eat in moder-

ation,” so I thought that grazing would help me. Unfortunatel y, if there is a moderation button, mine is broken.

Unb eknow nst to me, I made a “ g imme, gimme” gesture w ith my hands w henever I wanted a food item or a cigarette someone else had. My sister brought this motion to my awareness during an outing in the park w ith her t wo l ittle girls. What a shock that w a s. She s a i d , “ You w ant those box jui ces my g ir l s a re d r inking . ” I a g reed. She s a i d , “Lo ok at your r i g ht ha nd.” I w a s c aug ht red-ha nded. It w a s biz a rre, but I wa s in a lot of denial.

When I rst he a rd about FA, I thought, I’m busy and besides, I’m smar t , educat ed , b e e n around t he blo ck more than a few times, am a quick study, a self-starter. I’ve been successful in many areas of my life. e real it y wa s I wa s not onl y 165 pounds and going up a gain, but I spent 11 years of my life hovering bet ween 191 and 201 pounds. I w a s up one month, dow n the next, w ith w ide s w ings of 25 to 75 pounds per year. I was unemployed, had no children at home, a nd no p et s. What in the wor ld w a s I so bus y doing? Nothing , except lo c ating ,

In recover y, I learned I could start to build a better nancial future.

procuring , and consuming the next our, sugar product.

I thoug ht that i f I could just get the FA food plan, I could do it myself. I didn’t need a ny more f r i end s. And w ho need s to do ser vice, for goodness sake? Sadly, I had few re a l f r i end s. I had a former wor k f r i end , d a nce f r i end s, church f r i end s, se w ing f r i end s, a nd qui l ting f r i end s. R a rel y d i d I socialize with any of them outside the class, g roup, church ser v i ce, or acti v it y. I loved groups w here I could just show up if I felt l i ke it.

I b el i e ved I w a s doing okay na nci a l l y. Comparing myself to other single mothers my a ge, I a ssumed they were al l about the s a me a s me. e y have c red it c a rd debt, mortgages, and spend beyond their means. I believed that I had adequate money in the bank. Aga in, rea l it y told a d i erent stor y. If I had a $42,000 mor t ga ge and $42,000 in the b a nk, I w a s b a si c a l l y broke. Who kne w? I wa s using cred it cards to buy groceries, clothes, ever y thing. If I wanted it, I boug ht it and worried about doing a ba lance transfer to a lower interest cred it card later. Doing this made me feel l i ke I wa s in control of my nances, a high rol ler. I got a thri l l from it. I had promised to help my son pay o his college debt by contributing $2000 a ye a r, but I w a s unable to ma ke good on my promise. In recover y, I learned I could star t to bui ld a better nancial f uture. anks to my higher power, I paid my

son ve ye a rs of b ack p ay ment s. He told me he had no words to tel l me how it felt to be debt-free. I pa id o my mor t ga ge. I began to save and invest. Today I am nancial l y sound.

en there a re rel ati onshi ps! I thoug ht that a ma n would come to s ave me a nd take care of ever y thing if I could just lose weight and get one to commit. e real it y wa s that I wa s over weight and had acne al l over my b o d y f rom e ating a l l the junk fo o d , our, suga r, a nd f at. I fel t l i ke men looked through me rather than at me. e rst time this happened I was shocked, but a er a w hi le it made me feel s afe. I could hide in plain sight. I hid a lot before FA . In FA, my sponsor helped me become more d iscerning ab out men a nd stop ma king them into gods. She told me I wa s looking for a xer-upper. Now, I am open to a man w ho ha s integrit y, authenticit y, good personal care, streng th of character, soundna nces, a nd comp a ssi on. I now have a choice. I don’t have to go out w ith someone w ho ma kes me feel une a s y just b ecause he asks. Another sponsor taught me, “It ta kes a mi g ht y go o d ma n to b e at no man at al l.”

Although the physical recover y has been just a ma zing , a miracle re a l l y, I a m more impressed these days with the mental, spiritual, and emotional recover y I have found.

ank you, FA .

Karen R ae B., California, US

Fa l l ing roug h the Crac ks

Taking a second quiet time was not a sug gestion that w a s foreign to me. It is just one that I didn’t want to accept. Usua l l y, I ta l k, think, w a l k, and move fast. O en on outreach calls, fellows share with me that they cannot understand me bec ause I spea k too quickl y. “Slow

change, nothing changes

One a ernoon at the doctor’s o ce, I had a cast removed from my wrist and an X-ray taken to con rm that it had healed. A sta member escor ted me back to the exam room where I waited for the doctor. I took a sel e and posted it on Facebook, declaring

down,” I am told. So when my sponsor suggested that I take a second quiet time, Inally decided to give it a tr y. I was working on my 90 days of abstinence a er being in FA for 12 years. I feared that if I didn’t take my sponsor ’ s sug gestions, I would eat a ga in. I w a s a l so tired of that “ re v ved up ” feeling and lack of peace. I thought, If I don’t

my freedom from the c a st. I scrol led throug h my Facebook feed , checked my email, and texted friends and fellows. A er 20 minutes, I thoug ht, i s i s taking a bit longer than I ex pected. Maybe I should do that second quiet time while I am waiting I set my timer, closed my eyes, sat comfortably, and got quiet.

When the timer went o , I felt rel a xed. Noticing that it had been almost an hour, I poked my head out the door and kind l y asked a nurse if I was supposed to be waiting to see the doctor or if I was free to go. She looked at me blankly and told me she would nd out. Fi ve minutes l ater, the doctor c ame into the room apolog izing , say ing , “ You l iteral l y fel l through the cracks. Your paper work fell o the desk and into the rec ycling bin. We didn’t even know you were here!” I shared that I had used the opportunit y to take some quiet time.

Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole. Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.

An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

I can see how slowing down supports my abstinence, and I w ant to continue to a sk God for the willingness to take suggestions. I don’t want to “fal l through the cracks” of FA because one day at a time, it helps me to maintain my abstinence and recover from this deadly disease. Although I was pleased to have the cast removed, abstinence in FA is really the freedom I seek.

LeeAnn W., Colorado, US

FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

I don’t want to “fall through the cracks” of FA because

one day at a time, it helps me to maintain my abstinence and recover om this deadly disease.

In Si c kness and In Hea lth

When I joined FA seven years ago, I told my boyfriend, “One day, we’ll eat the same thing.” He was eating greasy our and sugar products from a fast food restaurant that day and sco ed in reply, “Over my dead body.”

Fast for ward seven years. He and I were engaged. He was losing weight rapidly despite bingeing on our and sugar all day. He had never been obsessed about food before and would forget to eat if he was absorbed in his work. Now, he was craving sugar and eating like an ogre. He wanted to stop, but he could not. I was concerned he’d become a food addict. My fellows reminded me to keep my eyes on my own plate, to live and let live, and not criticize. I kept my mouth shut.

His mental and physical health deteriorated. He had no energ y and no desire. He was always tired. I knew something was wrong.

My faith was tested. I kept my spirits high. I pictured him in full health, and could think of him as a strong , handsome, and healthy man, although at that point he was ver y under weight and had lost all his muscle tone. He refused to go to the doctor. My sponsor helped me to act and move out of my own denial about his health. She advised me to take him to the hospital. It was hard for me to

go against his will, but my “live and let live” mindset had reached its limit. He nally agreed to see the doctor and was immediately admitted to the hospital.

e diagnosis was t ype one diabetes. His body could not produce insulin anymore. He would have to take insulin shots ve times a day and monitor his blood sugar for the rest of his life. at ’ s why he was craving sugar and eating huge quantities.

Although this is a serious medical condition, God was working in the background.

e day a er he was diagnosed, he told me, “Consider this as a sign before our wedding day that we are meant to be together. I could not wish for a more supportive wife than someone in FA . ” Indeed, we have di erent problems, but a common solution. He must weigh his food to know what insulin dose he needs, and must abstain from our and sugar, just like me.

We recently married and are closer than ever since his diagnosis. We now have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, unlike before when we rarely ate together. We both weigh our food and cook vegetables for one another. We both chose not to have a wedding cake on our wedding day. We got married abstinently, and are living happily ever a er.

Julia S., UK

Not Alone

On Ma rc h 1 5 , 2 0 2 0 at 6 : 3 0 a .m. my p h o n e r a n g . A ny c a l l t h a t e a r l y d i d n ’ t b o d e w e l l , b u t i t w a s e sp e c i a l l y b a d b e c a u s e I re c o g n i ze d t h e n u m b e r. It w a s t h e n u r s i n g h o m e w h ere my h us b a n d o f 4 8 y e a r s w a s a re s id en t .

I w a s r i g h t . Th e c a l l w a s f ro m h o sp i ce , a n d h e i n f o r m e d m e t h a t m y h u s b a n d h a d p a s s e d aw ay. I c a n ’ t s ay t h e n e w s w a s u n e x p e c te d . My h u s b a n d h a d b e e n s i c k w ith Al zheimer’s for a couple of years, but h e a r i n g t h a t h e a l s o h a d b e e n s u f f e r i n g f ro m a d e a d l y v er s i o n o f p n eu m o n i a w a s

a s u r p r i s e.

O u r c h i l d ren a r r i v e d t h e n e x t d ay, f o llowed by the f unera l the d ay af ter. When t h e f a m i l y l e f t t h a t e v en i n g , I w a s a l o n e for the f irst time in 48 ye a rs. I had no one to c a r e f o r, a n d , a f te r 4 4 y e a r s o f te a c h i n g , n o c h i ld r e n to te a c h , t h a n k s to t h e n e w l y e s t a b l i s h e d C o v i d -

1 9 l o c k d o w n.

I h a d b e e n i n FA f o r a b o u t t w o y e a r s , b u t i t w a s n ’ t u n t i l t h at m o m en t t h at I re a l i ze d FA w a s t h e o n l y t h i n g i n my l i f e I h a d to h o l d o n to.

I m a d e p h o n e c a l l s a n d my FA f e l l o w s

c a l l e d m e b a c k . O n e to l d m e a b o u t In -

s t a c a r t to g e t g r o -

c e r i e s d e l i v e r e d .

A n o t h e r i n t r od u c e d m e to A m azo n. Pr ay er b e c a m e

i n c re a s i n g l y i m p o rt a n t i n m y d a y - tod a y l i v i n g a s m y Hi g h e r Po w e r g u i d e d m e t h ro u g h one of the most ha rrow ing p er i o d s of my l i f e.

I g o t u p e a c h m o r n i n g to r e a d m y

Tw e n t y -Fo u r H o u r s a D a y b o o k a n d d o

m y m e d i t a t i o n . I ’d h a v e m y a b s t i n e n t

b re a k f a s t , t h e n c a l l a f e w f e l l o w s i n FA .

I ’d f i n d a m o r n i n g m e e t i n g , a n d t h e n i t w o u l d b e l u n c h t i m e . T h e n I ’d m a k e a

f e w m o r e c a l l s a n d , b e f o r e I k n e w i t , i t wo u l d b e t i m e f o r s u p p er.

Us i n g t h e to o l o f t h e te l e p h o n e , I c o n n e c te d w i t h o t h e r f e l l o w s w h o h a d l o s t s p o u s e s o r p a r t n e r s . T h e y re co m m e n d e d b o o k s to re a d o r p o d c a s t s to l i s ten to. I d i d n ’ t f e e l a l o n e a n d I d i d n ’ t e at f l o u r o r s u g a r.

A l m o s t t w o y e a r s h a v e g o n e b y s i n c e my h us b a n d d i e d a n d I s t i l l h av en ’ t e aten a d d i c t i v e l y. “ No m a t te r w h a t , ” I k e p t h e a r i n g , “d o n ’ t t a k e t h at f i r s t b i te. ” I d i dn ’ t .

I n e v er co u l d h av e d o n e i t a l o n e. It w a s m y Hi g h e r Po w e r a n d my FA f e l l o w s , m e e t i n g s , a n d l i te ra t u r e t h a t k e p t m e a b s t i n e n t . S t a y i n g a b s t i n en t a n d c h o o s i n g to s t ay i n FA h a s b e en s o i m p o r t a n t to m e . W h en t h i n g s s e e m o v e r w h e l m i n g , I l e a n o n m y Hi g h er Po wer.

B a r ba ra B . , M a s s a ch u s e t t s , U S

“No matter what,”

I kept hearing, “don’t take that rst bite.”

It was my Higher Power and my FA fellows, meetings, and literature that kept me abstinent.

Mea sur ing Time

Ma ny e v en i n g s b e f o re my h usb a n d a n d I g o to b e d , o u r

teena ge son comes downstairs

to s ay g o o d n i g h t . S o m et i m e s , i f we a re lucky, we get some snug g le time w ith him. He is over six feet ta l l but he w i l l l ay across o u r b e d a n d c u d d l e w i t h us f o r a f e w m i nu te s. I l o v e t h i s t i m e w i t h h i m. He i s o en i n co ns t a n t m otion, but during t h i s t i m e h e i s calm and peacef u l . A t y p i c a l te en a g er, o n m o s t n i g h t s h e g o e s to b e d much later than we d o. Pa r t i c u l a r l y o n s c h o o l n i g h t s , h e o en stays up ver y l ate to nish his homewor k. A l so l i ke a t y pi c a l teena ger, he ha s trouble waking up earl y in the morning for scho ol , esp eci a l l y w hen he stayed up to o l ate the nig ht before.

O n e we e k n i g h t , h e c a m e d o w n to o u r

ro o m f o r s o m e c u d d l e s a n d l i n g ere d f o r quite a w hi le. I rea l ized he w a s not anx ious to go back to his room to nish his work.

Ev en t h o u g h I w a s t h o ro u g h l y en j o y i n g spend ing that time w ith him, I kne w that i f h e d i d n ’ t g et b a c k to h i s wo r k , h e wo u l d n ’ t g et en o u g h s l e e p.

“Swe et h e a r t , ” I sa id , “it’s time to go back upstairs

a n d n i s h y o u r wo r k . ” He g ro a n e d a n d d i d n ’ t m o v e. “ If y o u d o n ’ t h e a d u p n o w , y o u wo n ’ t g et e i g h t ounces of sleep,” I s a i d. He l i ed his head up and sm i l e d at m e. “ Mo m, d o y o u re a l i ze y o u just told me to get eig ht ounces rather than eight hours of sleep?” I g uess the disciplines o f t h i s p ro g r a m a re s o d e e p l y i n g r a i n e d that I wei g h a nd me a sure more tha n just my food!

MEREDITHM.,ME

R i sa K , Texas, US

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.