Adjusting Our Sail for Family Success by Kimberly Malloy
T A K E A D V A N T A G E O F TH E P RE VAILING WINDS
“I can’t change the direction of the wind but I can adjust my sail to always reach my destination.” Jimmy Dean It seems like a lifetime ago when we set our 2020 goals and a lifetime of events has occurred in this short period of time. This year has been filled with grief and it has caused many of us to throw out the concept of reaching our destination. I think we can all agree there are many things we do not have the ability to control, but I submit there are just as many opportunities for us to make choices that can have an impact. Personally, my mid-year goal is to NOT spend time complaining about what isn’t working or whether something is fair, but to spend more time figuring out how to adjust my sail to get my family closer toward
MOTIVATING
our newly revised goals of growing closer as a family, having authentic communication, including discussing our emotions and clarity about our priorities. There is no shortage of emotions right now, especially grief. Grief is the response to loss and this season has been full of loss. No need to pretend we are doing fantastic. Not everyone is comfortable showing emotions as they fear others can’t handle the intensity. Emotions are meant to be felt. Being sad doesn’t mean you won’t feel happy, feeling disappointed doesn’t mean someone is ungrateful nor does being angry mean you dislike everyone. Letting our children see emotions, naming them and talking about them is healthy, which can lead to learning tools to manage what life presents to us. Life is messy, and when we don’t show up for someone like we
wanted to, as Brené Brown says, “circle back.” There is power in being able to go back. For example, “Mom did not respond in the way I would have liked. I apologize. Can we talk about that again?” Kids don’t need to see perfection, nor do they need to see us beat ourselves up and say things like “I am such an idiot.” We all need to see more circle back and self-compassion moments, and less dehumanization of others. Another big challenge in today’s family is the spaces we are occupying. We are working, living, going to school, resting and playing in the same spaces. We are having to adjust the sails so we can meet our individual goals, but our family goals may be suffering. Even if our house is comfortable in size, it seems we are confined to these places and it is impacting how we see each other, and who we are becoming. It can be stressful and emotions can get triggered. This
FALL 2020: LVWOMANMAGAZINE.COM
