Would You Pass “The Marriage Test”? A couple shares the 40-date challenge that prepared them to get-and stay-married By Jennifer C. Frakes
that we would otherwise avoid talking about,” Brook said.
your wedding is exciting, sometimes a little stressful.
They fully disclosed their finances, talked about what role
But the stakes are a lot higher when choosing a partner. Do
religion would play in their future children’s lives, asked those
you know as much as you can about what being married to
already married into the families what the in-laws were really
your beloved will actually be like?
like, and even got into living wills and end-of-life decisions.
Jill Andres and Brook Silva-Braga wanted to find that out
But the dates aren’t all serious-Date #28 is “Your Ideal Day,”
before they took the plunge. The couple had dated for four
planning what you think would be a perfect day for your
years, broke up for a year, then reunited. The second time
partner. “It was kind of the fundamental test of any relationship-
around, Jill moved to Washington D.C. to be with Brook.
to understand what makes the other person happy,” Brook said.
They were happy and healthier than their first time together.
The gratification of knowing and executing your significant
But how did they know that this was really it-- that Brook
other’s favorite things and ways to spend time most likely will
and Jill 2.0 was ready for marriage?
end up in a great day for both of you.
To answer that question, the couple cowrote The Marriage
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“These dates forced us to discuss things in concrete terms
for the marriage and you do for the wedding. Planning
Many of these dates are good for long-married couples to try,
Test: Our 40 Dates Before “I Do.” The dates dig into the main
and Your Ideal Day is one that Amy Cavato would love to do.
reasons couples don’t make it—trust, money, kids, sex, in-laws,
“After 20 years of marriage, it would be great to plan an ideal
and communication being the biggies. In their book (available
day for each other,” Cavato said. “I feel like we know what
on Amazon and now also in audiobook form), they each give
matters most to each other and could plan an amazing day. We
their perspective on the 40 dates they engaged in over a year
just don’t take the time to do things like this-often prioritizing
to see if they were right for each other for the long haul. It’s
the kids, work, other family obligations or errands. I feel like I
a brave, funny, honest account of an adventurous couple that
would plan a day that my husband would love and he would do
obviously loves each other. Even so, they still surprise each
the same for me. It would be wonderful to put the type of focus
other along the way, in both delightful and difficult ways.
on and thoughtfulness into planning a day for each other.”
The dates run the gamut: borrowing a friend’s baby for
Spoiler: Brook made Jill’s day not only ideal, but
24 hours, swapping phones for a week with full access, and
unforgettable by proposing to her in Central Park, in a
sending an email to 30 of their closest friends asking what
perfectly-timed and incredibly sweet way (that you should
they think of the couples’ relationship.
get the book to hear more about). They persevered after
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t’s been said that you should prepare at least as much
