UNDERHÅLLNING
Life on Repeat
Life on Repeat
TEXT VICTORIA ROHRER ILLUSTRATION VENDELA HAMBERG I open my eyes. An ordinary morning. My alarm clock shows 7:11. I stand up and turn on the coffee maker. It is one of those old ones that makes gurgling sounds. My grandma left it, so it is second hand. The gurgling makes me calm. It always sounds the same. Steady. It’s like an old friend. I put on a pair of black suit pants and a beige top. Nothing extraordinary. My wardrobe contains white, beige and black. A colorful outfit would make me stick out. It actually screams for attention like: ”Look at me! Talk to me!” And that could lead to unpredictable surprises. I don’t like surprises. I do like routines and structure though. Even if I have never really reflected on that. I am probably more of an anxious type. I need to feel that I have control, at a minimum over my own life. There is enough to worry about in this world already: Environmental disasters, war, getting sick, being run over by a car, losing all your money, losing your home…I could go on and on.
I down a cup of coffee and 5 minutes later I am standing in the elevator on my way down. A glance in the mirror shows that I look pale. Those dark circles under my eyes reveal that I haven’t slept for more than 5 hours in a row for the last couple of weeks. My mood shifts immediately as soon as I walk through the front door. I feel the sun on my skin. Even the air smells different. I walk down the main street towards the underground station. The street ends into a bridge. The view from here is spectacular. You can see everything from a bird's eye perspective: small boats passing by and people walking close by the water. I turn my head to the other side and gasp. My heart stops beating for a second. A guy is sitting on the railing with nothing to hold him but the gaping abyss. It seems like he wants to jump. My body freezes, unable to move. I want to shout something but a million thoughts are rushing through my head at the same time. There’s
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nobody else within sight. ”Do something, do something NOW!”, the voice screams inside of me. Little by little I come through. Then I run over the street. ”Hello! What are you doing?” There is only a 2 meter high chain-wire fencing between us. How could I ever get myself over to the other side? I am not really one of those gym-junkies. My arms are quite undefined. Adrenaline is rushing through my veins. What do you do in a situation like this? I mean all I know is how people behave in movies. They usually try to involve the person into a conversation while they try to get closer. Usually psychologists do that job though. Even if I just have a slight chance I have to try. ”You! What’s your name? Can I help you?” While I speak I begin pulling up the fence. To my astonishment the climbing isn’t as hard as I thought. Probably the adrenaline is doing half of the job. Nothing. No answer. Maybe I need to change strategy and build some kind of trust first.
