FALL 2018
M O D E R N PA R E N T I N G | L I F E S T Y L E | E X P E R T A D V I C E
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Tips to positive discipline #FAMILYLOVE
get organized for
BACK TO SCHOOL PAGE 26-27
how to promote
HEALTHY GENDER DEVELOPMENT PAGE 38-41
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Coping strategies for PPD POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
Kids fighting? PAGE 34-35
g n i t n e r pa s e c r u o res E NEVER great
YOU’R ! ALONE
W E L CO M E TO T H E PA R E N T G U I D E M AG A Z I N E You are amazing... the best of the best! You know how I know this? Because you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t!
So, welcome and let me tell you how honoured I am that you are here with us! Within the pages of this magazine you will find unique parenting perspectives. You will find a community of love and support. You will find articles that answer your questions even before you know what questions to ask, and you will find resources that you can count on. We are a group of parents…single parents, divorced parents, married parents, step-parents, foster parents, adoptive parents, LGBTQ parents, grandparents, and just plain awesome people that raise and care for kids! Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone! We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey. Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group www.facebook.com/groups/parentguideacademy You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier.
See you inside.
Jennifer McCallum
Mom and creator of Parent Guide since 2001.
W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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CREDITS
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Jennifer McCallum MOM AND PARENT GUIDE CREATOR SINCE 2001...BUT YOU CAN CALL ME MOM, MOM, MOMMMMMMMM!
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PARENTGUIDE.CA |
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CONTENTS
great
parenting resources YOU’RE NEVER ALONE!
SEE PAGE 46 & 47 FOR A LIST OF CONTACTS THAT CAN HELP WITH ALL YOUR PARENTING NEEDS!
PAGE 14 POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION PAGE 6 BEST APPS FOR PARENTS
PAGE 8 WHAT TO PACK FOR THE HOSPITAL
pregnancy
newborn
PAGE 7 IS THIS NORMAL?
READ ABOUT AMIRA AND HER SWEET FAMILY ON PAGE 50. | W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A
preschool PAGE 24 CHOOSING CHILD CARE
PAGE 10 NEWBORN SCREENING PAGE 12 IS MY BABY GETTING ENOUGH MILK?
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PAGE 18 POSTIVE DISCIPLINE
PAGE 22 IS IT A FEVER?
DO YOU HAVE A STORY TO TELL THAT WOULD INSPIRE OTHER PARENTS OR JUST LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE? CONTACT ME TO BE FEATURED!
Info@parentguide.ca
PAGE 26 BACK TO SCHOOL PAGE 28 HEALTHY LUNCHES
school age PAGE 34 KIDS FIGHTING?
PAGE 36 THANK A COACH
teen PAGE 38 GENDER IDENTITY PAGE 42 KIDS AND ANGER
NEED A LITTLE EXTRA PARENTING LOVE EACH DAY? SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR FREE DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT EMAILS.
PAGE44 WANT TO BE HAPPY?
family PAGE 46 RESOURCES PAGE 50 FAMILY SPOTLIGHT
free
you got this! DAILY ENCOURAGMENT EMAILS
W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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BEST APPS FOR PARENTS
Pregnancy
What to Expect – Contains ads This pregnancy tracker app from the world’s most trusted pregnancy brand, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” guides you through pregnancy day-by-day and week-by-week. Simply enter your baby’s due date (or use our pregnancy due date calculator if you’re not sure) and start tracking your baby’s growth today. Based on your due date, you’ll receive personalized updates on your baby’s development, expert tips, helpful articles and the latest parenting news. Join a tight-knit community of parentsto-be with due dates in the same month, and get support from an active, caring parent community that shares a post every 3 seconds.
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School Age
Duolingo: Learn Languages - Contains Ads - offers in-app purchases Practice your speaking, reading, listening and writing skills while playing a game! You’ll improve your vocabulary and grammar skills by answering questions and completing lessons. Start with basic verbs, phrases, and sentences, and learn new words daily. Learn Spanish, French, German, Italian, Russian, Portuguese, Turkish, Dutch, Irish, Danish, Swedish, Ukrainian, Esperanto, Polish, Greek, Hungarian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Welsh and English.
Teen
Young Adults
Calm is the perfect meditation app for beginners, but also includes hundreds of programs for intermediate and advanced meditators and gurus.
Be Safe is a mobile app that aims to help young adults make a decision about seeking help in a crisis.
Guided meditation sessions are available in lengths of 3, 5, 10, 15, 20 or 25 minutes so you can choose the perfect length to fit with your schedule.
• Informs users about mental health and addiction resources in their local community
Calm – Free with inapp purchases
Topics include: Calming Anxiety, Managing Stress, Deep Sleep, Focus and Concentration, Happiness, Gratitude, Self-Esteem, Body Scan, Loving-Kindness, Forgiveness, Nonjudgement, Commuting to work or school, Walking meditation, Calm Kids, And so much more....
BeSafe – Free – Available across Ontario
• Allows users to create a digital safety plan
• Directs users to the best options for their needs though a decisionmaking aid • Creates a personal ‘get help script’ that helps users find the words to reach out • Empowers the user to reach out safely
IS THIS NORMAL? Congratulations, you are a parent! You are probably wondering if what you are experiencing is normal! Well, buckle in, because you are about to hear something important! If it is health related then check out the resources on page 46 (trust your gut and get it checked out if you are worried)...but if it is relating to how you parent, what your home looks like, where you live, and how you feel about yourself... normal is whatever you decide it to be. Even though you will probably question everything for at least the next 18+ years, in your heart you should know that normal is a state of mind and not an unobtainable destination. Normal is a word that I have used less and less throughout my parenting years. I am a mom to a 19 (almost 20) year old, a 17 year old, and twin 12 year olds! I have been married to the sweetest man on earth for over 23 years - and yes, we have gone through some pretty tough times together, and apart, and together again! Normal is far from what I would consider our family.
Instead, I have replaced the word normal with whatever fits us that day:
unique, fabulous, complicated, loving, adventurous, extraordinary, pure goodness, different, against the grain, original, empowered, forgiving, caring, resilient...
and my favourite... perfect, just the way it is!
What will you create as a new normal for your life? Whatever it looks like, embrace it and love each and every part of it, because it is all yours! YOUR unique and fabulous life - with kids!
Get featured on our IG account
Jennifer
FOLLOW US ON:
Tell me about your “Normal” family by sharing a picture on Instagram - use #normalparentlife And don’t forget to make your account public or I won’t be able to find you
Â
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W H AT T O PAC K FO R T H E HO S P I TAL
Your Ontario Health Card electronics (camera, phone, charger)
Any other insurance (benefits) you have
Your birth plan and items that help you achieve your plan (soft music, birthing ball, tennis balls, hard candy)
extra absorbent pads (long)
extra undies & warm socks flip flops
nightgown
toiletries
lip balm
pens and notebook
Download the "All About Baby" Keepsake Book reusable water bottle
clothes, blankets and hat for baby
your favourite pillow
nursing bra
breast pump (optional)
going home clothes for you
diapers & wipes
car seat for discharge (preferably already installed and inspected) W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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JAUNDICE
WHAT IS JAUNDICE IN NEWBORNS? Jaundice is a yellow tint to a newborn’s skin and the white part of the eyes. It is a sign that there’s too much bilirubin in the baby’s blood.
How can you help your baby? Look closely at your baby’s skin 2 times a day to make sure that the colour is returning to normal. If your baby has dark skin, look at the white part of the eyes. Take your baby for any follow-up testing your doctor recommends. Call your doctor if the yellow colour gets brighter after your baby is 3 days old.
Jaundice usually appears in the first 5 days of life. Babies born in Canada are routinely checked for jaundice within 72 hours after birth.
The best thing you can do to reduce jaundice is to make sure that your baby gets enough to eat. (see page 13). That will help your baby’s body get rid of the extra bilirubin.
Most babies have mild jaundice. It usually gets better or goes away on its own within a week or two without causing problems. But jaundice should be taken seriously.
If you are breastfeeding, feed your baby about 8 to 12 times every 24 hours.
What are the symptoms? If a newborn has jaundice, his or her skin and the white part of the eyes will look yellow. The yellow colour shows up first in the baby’s face and chest, usually 1 to 5 days after birth. A baby whose bilirubin level is high may:
If you are feeding your baby from a bottle, stay on your schedule (usually about 6 to 10 feedings every 24 hours). If you aren’t sure that your baby is getting enough milk, ask your doctor, a nurse, or a lactation consultant for help.
For more information:
Get more yellow.
Be cranky or jittery. Arch his or her back
Be sluggish and not suck well.
Have a high-pitched cry.
HealthLink BC
Telehealth Ontario
www.healthlinkbc.ca
1-866-797-0000
Caring for Kids www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/jaundice_in_newborns
A high bilirubin level can be dangerous. Make sure to call a doctor right away if your baby has any of these symptoms.
I N FAN T F E E DI NG
if you have any questions about feeding your baby or child check out the resources below Read more on this topic: La Leche League www.lllc.ca Canadian Paediatric Society www.caringforkids.cps.ca Infant Feeding Action Coalition (INFACT) www.infactcanada.ca Best Start www.beststart.org
Questions? Ontario 24/7 Breastfeeding Hotline I–866-797-0000
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HEALTH CANADA http://bit.ly/2gZnVlt World Health Organization www.who.int
At least 2 WET
4 DAYS
1 WEEK
At least 4 WET
At least 3 BROWN, GREEN, OR YELLOW
At least 3 WET
Size of a walnut
5 DAYS
6 DAYS
7 DAYS
2 WEEKS
M O T H E R S
Size of an egg
From day 4 onward, most babies gain weight regularly.
At least 3 large, soft and seedy YELLOW
At least 6 HEAVY WET WITH PALE YELLOW OR CLEAR URINE
Size of an apricot
3 WEEKS
Some breastfed babies will have very large watery stools. After 6 weeks of age some breastfed babies may have one soft stool every 1-7 days. This is normal as long as baby is healthy, gaining weight well and still having at least 6 heavy wet diapers in 24 hours. * Adapted with permission from Best Start Resource Centre
2016
Breast milk is all the food a baby needs for the first six months. You can get advice, help and support from: – Your health care provider. – Telehealth Ontario’s specialized breastfeeding services support line at 1-866-797-0000 or TTY at 1-866-797-0007. – Bilingual Online Ontario Breastfeeding Services directory at www.ontariobreastfeeds.ca.
Your baby should have a strong cry, move actively and wake easily. Your breasts feel softer and less full after breastfeeding.
Most babies lose a bit of weight in the first 3 days after birth.
At least 1 to 2 BLACK OR DARK GREEN
At least 1 WET
3 DAYS
N U R S I N G
At least 8 feeds per day. Your baby is sucking strongly, slowly, steadily and swallowing often.
2 DAYS
Size of a cherry
1 DAY
F O R
Reprinted with permission by the Best Start Resource Centre
Other Signs
Your Baby’s Weight
Per day, on average over 24 hours
Soiled Diapers: Number and Colour of Stools
Per day, on average over 24 hours
Wet Diapers: How Many, How Wet
Your Baby’s Tummy Size
Per day, on average over 24 hours
How Often Should You Breastfeed?
Your Baby’s Age
G U I D E L I N E S
IS MY BABY GETTING ENOUGH MILK?
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POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND OTHER PERINATAL MOOD DISORDERS We want to believe that it won’t happen to us. I’m different. The baby will fit into my lifestyle. I’ve never experienced depression before. I’ll be fine. Expectant mothers create birth plans, decorate the nursery and debate between cloth or disposable diapers. They don’t often prepare for the possibility of experiencing a perinatal mood disorder. There is a rise in education and awareness regarding: postpartum depression/ anxiety/panic, postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, in extreme cases, postpartum psychosis, which is amazing.
Once the clouds lifted and I started feeling more like myself again, I dove head first into learning everything I could about why I, a seemingly healthy person both mentally and physically, ended up with postpartum depression and anxiety. The most alarming thing that I discovered was the lack of pre-screening for this potentially very dangerous post-partum experience.
It’s time to take this awareness and create something useful that allows us to prepare without attaching a negative stigma to it. It’s time to acknowledge that it could happen to anyone regardless of who you are, where you come from, and what you’ve experienced. Applied knowledge is power and the best way to apply this knowledge is to be prepared.
During my research, I came to fully understand the gravity of this missing link. I had been an active person with a zest for life, but there were days that I wanted to end it. During those darker days, I would often imagine driving off the side of a bridge whenever I left the house. Even now, almost 3 years later, typing those words creates a lump in my throat.
To start with, it’s important to understand that there are different types of depression. Generally, when we look at depression in the post-partum period it is considered to be triggered by things like hormonal changes, lifestyle changes and lack of sleep. I’ve come to realize that this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many factors involved in a woman’s predisposition to perinatal mood disorders.
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Recognizing the potential for experiencing a perinatal mood disorder takes courage. I get it. I fell into the category of, “the baby will fit into my lifestyle” and when I had twins my world came crashing down. Knowing what I know now, I was headed straight into postpartum depression and anxiety and it had to do with a lot more than the change in my lifestyle.
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This has to change, starting now. And because pre-screening isn’t regulated into our healthcare system during the prenatal period, it’s up to us to gain understanding and spread awareness. So let’s get into it!
PRE-SCREENING/RISK FACTORS FOR EXPERIENCING A PERINATAL MOOD DISORDER • A previous history of perinatal mood or anxiety disorder such as post-partum depression (PPD), anxiety or psychosis • Depression or anxiety during a current pregnancy • A previous history of depression or bipolar disorder • Family history of mental illness including depression or bipolar disorder • History of pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) • Previous miscarriage or stillbirth • Difficulty conceiving, difficult pregnancy and/or delivery • Previous traumatic birth experience (PTSD) • New baby has reflux such as colic or reflux • Poor support from partner, family and friends • Difficulty managing existing children’s needs • Mom of multiples • Being a single mom • Experiencing a recent trauma or stressful event such as: domestic violence, verbal abuse, poverty, loss of a loved one, divorce or financial difficulties This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but it’s a great start and I would venture to say that if you (or a loved one who is expecting) can circle even one of the above, it’s a good idea to prepare for the possibility of experiencing a perinatal mood disorder.
CREATE A MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH WELLNESS PLAN
1 IN 7 WOMEN SUFFERS FROM POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
9 COPING STRATEGIES
Create a Support Team
Consider Your Nutritional Intake
Resources: Please reach out: If you feel like harming yourself or your baby seek help immediately - Call 911 or go to your local hospital emergency department
If you are experiencing a lot of stress or other mental health concerns, contact: Get Enough Sleep
Your health care provider or local public health unit:
www.ontario.ca/healthcareconnect
Your counsellor, social worker, or spiritual/faith leader Keep Moving
Implement Strategies
Talk to Someone
Mental Health Services
1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca
Telehealth Ontario Reduce the Overwhelm
Do something you like to do
Avoid the “I’m a mom, I’m supposed to feel like this” Trap
The above suggestions are based on my own experience and what I feel did and/or would have made a big difference for me. I consider myself lucky to be here, there were many times that I didn’t think I would ever find my way out of the darkness. Thankfully, I had people in my life who just kept showing up, shining a light and giving me their hand. I’m forever grateful to be here, enjoying my girls and my wonderful life. I wish I could have reached out for help earlier – but you can. Connect with me or with one of the resources below.
You are not alone!
1-866-797-0000
First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Help Line 1-855-242-3310
Pacific Post Partum Support Society 1-855-255-7999 www.post-partum.org
Canadian Association For Suicide Prevention
www.suicideprevention.ca/need-help Check out Rebecca’s Top 3 Strategies
article written by...
Rebecca Bakker
Rebecca is a mom to 2 beautiful little girls and the founder of New Mom Planner creating programs and resources for postnatal wellness and vitality. www.rebeccabakker.com/proactive-ppd W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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I Deserve The Best Home Child Care.
Expect The Best From Wee Watch. I want you to keep me safe, and teach me things like colours, my alphabet, and how to share. I want to learn games and listen to stories and draw. From day one I want you to teach me that and so much more. You are not my parent, but I want you to become my trusted guardian, and my friend. I want your constant love, attention and guidance. I want to be really happy in your home child care.
There is so much more to learn about Wee Watch. Call us, let’s talk: 519-489-0455. Or visit www.weewatch.com Trust Wee Watch – A home away from home
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE When my kids were younger I felt like I was bluffing through this whole parenting thing.Anyone else ever feel like this? I tried to make it look good, but inside I was a screaming mess! I had no idea what I was doing and most days it took all my strength to make it through the day without losing it. I was so tired of trying new things that were not working or that were counter productive and set us all back emotionally. I made mistakes…like, lots of them… I went to bed at night wondering where I went wrong and how I could mess this up so bad. When enough was enough, I began a long road of discovery - I read a lot of books, attended lectures, opened my mind to new ideas, built a support team around me, and started to trust the kind of parent that I wanted to be…and that worked for our family.
I stopped doubting my abilities. I stopped trying to be perfect when I clearly wasn’t. I stopped trying to keep up to the neighbours that seemed to have it all together, and I started living life the way that I wanted and the way that worked for my family with love and patience. 18
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It was around this time that I discovered Positive Discipline and all the techniques and ideas that I was starting to use all made sense. Positive Discipline spoke to how I wanted my kids to feel about themselves and about me. Our days became calmer - no more yelling and frustrations the kids just knew what to do without me asking five times, never having to yell or bribe them to behave! (OK, I still may offer the odd ice cream!) The sibling rivalry was getting out of hand, and after using Positive Discipline tools, there were seldom arguments that couldn’t be resolved on their own! (Anyone with more than one child should be clapping for joy right now:) We began to communicate better, we thought about how the kids must be thinking and feeling when we talked to them, and we changed our words. I’m not saying that all of this was easy, and it didn’t happen overnight, but once we started we couldn’t stop. It just felt good to love on our kids like we knew we wanted to, to wake up in the morning more sure about our actions, to observe a stronger and healthier bond between us as parents and the kids. I started loving who I was and loving who each child was becoming. On the toughest
of days, I would think about what kind of relationship I wanted to have with my children when they are grown…and then I treated them like we were there already. No longer do I have to bluff my way through parenting. I use tools and strategies that I have learned by becoming a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and I love sharing these tools with other parents. If you are interested in learning more, please connect with me at www.parentguideacademy.com I offer a free video series: 7 Days to Peace that will give you clear action steps to dealing with: sibling rivalry, temper tantrums, talking back, and more – all using Positive Discipline!
Resources:
WHAT IS POSITIVE DISCIPLINE? Positive Discipline is a bundle of ideas that help you raise your kids to become responsible, respectful, and resourceful members of their community. Positive Discipline strategies meet one or more of the following criteria.
THE 5 CRITERIA OF POSITIVE DISCIPLINE!
1
Is kind and firm at the same time. (Respectful and encouraging)
2
Helps children feel a sense of belonging and significance. (Connection)
3
Is effective long-term. (See the next two)
4
Teaches valuable social and life skills for good character.
5
Invites children to discover how capable they are and to use their power constructively.
Parent Guide Academy:
www.parentguideacademy.com
Positive Discipline:
www.positivediscipline.com
Triple P Parenting:
www.triplep-parenting.ca
Parent Guide
www.parentguide.ca
Article written by...
Jennifer McCallum
Mom to 4 kids, with a love for sharing and connecting with other parents. Publisher of 59 parenting resource books, Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator, and business owner for over 17 years! www.parentguideacademy.com
W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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7DAYS PEACE to
Join Today, It’s FREE
END WHINING, SIBLING RIVALRY & BACK-TALK! In 7 Days to Peace, you will learn how to:
“ End Whining “ Get the kids to do what you want...without yelling! “ Limit Sibling Rivalry “ Get to the bottom of Back-Talk “ Limit Screen-time and end arguments “ Communicate better “ Create a Peaceful Home full of joy parentguideacademy.com
IS IT A FEVER? When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you think your child has a fever, use a thermometer to check their temperature. Your child has a fever if their temperature is above the number listed here:
Method
Normal Temperature
Rectum
38˚C (100.4˚F)
Mouth
37.5˚C (99.5˚F)
Armpit
37.3˚C (99.1˚F)
Ear
38˚C (100.4˚F)
Need A Family Doctor? Call Health Care Connect to register: 1-800-445-1822
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How to take a temperature: • Use one thermometer for rectal and a separate one for taking oral temperatures • Do not use glass or mercury thermometers, use digital or plastic thermometers instead • Forehead thermometers are not as accurate as other methods for taking temperatures
For information on how to correctly take a temperature, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca Who to contact if your child has a fever: • Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever • Call your health care provider if your baby is older than six month and the fever does not go away after 72 hours (three days), or your baby has a fever combined with a rash or any other signs of illness that worry you
Resources: Is it an Emergency?
Call 9-1-1 or go to your local hospital
Need a Family Doctor? Call Health Care Connect 1-800-445-1822 www.ontario.ca/page/find-familydoctor-or-nurse-practitioner
Want to speak with a Registered Nurse? Call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007)
• To talk to a Registered Nurse, call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007); available 24 hours a day, seven days a week
In an emergency situation call 911 What to do if your child has a fever: • Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever • If your child is older than six months, then give more to drink (such as breast milk or water) • Take off extra clothing and blankets, leave enough to avoid shivering • Check your child’s temperature often
What NOT to do if your child has a fever: • Do not give medication unless recommended by your health care provider • Do not give Aspirin or Acetylsalicylic Acid (ASA) to a child or teenager with a fever • Do not use alcohol rubs or baths and sponging with water to lower a child’s fever
Other signs your child may be sick: • Acting differently (tired, weak, sleepy, loss of appetite, fussy or a lot of crying) • A runny nose • Coughing
• Rash • Difficulty breathing • Diarrhea • Change in skin colour (pale or looks yellow)
• Vomiting W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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C H O O S I N G C H I L D C AR E
CHOOSING CHILD CARE There is a wide range of child care options available to families in Ontario, and for first time parents choosing what works for you may take a bit of time and research. To assist you in understanding the types of child care available, we have listed below some of the more commonly used child care options along with a brief description.
First decide if you want to use licensed or unlicensed
Licensed Child Care
Unlicensed child care
For infants and toddlers, as well as preschool and school-aged children.
In Ontario, unlicensed, informal care is not regulated by the government. These unlicensed caregivers are not inspected by the Ministry of Education, and are not required to meet provincial standards.
Include nursery schools, preschools, full-day and extended hours care, and before-and-after-school programs. Can be in or out of the home.
Then decide on what kind of care you need:
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1. Out of your Home:
All of the options below can include In-Centre Child Care and Home Child Care, either licensed or unlicensed Infant to School-Age Care Operates in a variety of locations including: stand along centres, workplaces, community centres, home child care, schools, and places of worship. Preschool Preschool is a planned educational program for children in the years before a child starts school. Before / After School Care Supervised care and recreation for school-age children before and after school hours.
2. In your Home Nanny Employed by the family on either a live-in or live-out basis to undertake all tasks related to the care of children. Nanny Sharing A nanny employed by two families to undertake tasks related to the care of children. Au Pair A young adult from another country (ages 18-30) that provides child care for cultural exchange purposes. Lives as part of the host family and receives a small allowance / salary in exchange for child care and household duties. Family Using family for child care can be a great option if it is available to you. Having clear expectations and guidelines is highly suggested. Babysitter Provides supervisory, custodial care of children on an irregular full time or part-time basis. What’s the going rate for a babysitter? Click here to find out:
www.payscale.com/research/CA/Job=Babysitter/Hourly_Rate Maximum number of children in care Unlicensed caregivers are not allowed to care for more than 5 children, including their own children under the age of 6.
Resources: Search and Apply: In most areas across Ontario you can go to OneList, an online centralized registry and waitlist that simplifies the process of applying for early learning and child care (ELCC). https://onehsn.com/home/childcare
For areas that do not have OneList (just yet), click here to search: www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education Get help paying
1. If you are using OneList, this can be done when you are applying 2. Find out if you qualify for an Ontario child care subsidy
www.ontario.ca/page/child-caresubsidies
3. Contact your local government to apply for a subsidy www.edu.gov.on.ca/childcare/ websiteServiceManagers.html
Learn about other payments and services: • Ontario Child Benefit • Canada Child Benefit • Children with Special Needs
Licensed home child care providers are not allowed to care for more than 6 children, including their own children under the age of 6. This limit on the number of children applies regardless of how many adults are present at the home and unlicensed providers may not operate at multiple premises. W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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BACK TO SCHOOL
BACK TO SCHOOL SIMPLICITY When it comes to getting your kids ready for school, there are so many benefits to keeping things simple. As a parent, if we can streamline certain areas of the before and after school routines, we can set our kids and ourselves up for success. Making school lunches is a task that is often dreaded when it doesn’t need to be. A few small tweaks in our habits can make all the difference and alleviate any negative thoughts weighing us down. With a new school year about to begin, here are a few simple ideas that will help you spend less time stressing about staying on top of everything in September. Instead, you’ll be able to spend more time on the things you love to do.
Simplifying Lunches STEP 1
Good Quality Containers Invest in good quality lunch containers that are leak proof and super quick and easy to clean. I’d recommend checking out various bento box style containers.
STEP 2
Make Ahead Lunches Free up your mornings by making lunches the night before, ideally right after dinner so you can incorporate leftovers and consolidate clean-up.
STEP 3
Organize your Fridge Get into the habit of prepping veggies each week after you go grocery shopping. It will make packing lunches so much easier having that prep done ahead of time.
STEP 4
Get your Kids Involved When you involve your kids in making their lunches, you teach them independence, healthy meal planning and give them a say as to what goes in their lunch (ensuring all food is enjoyed, not wasted).
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Simplifying Routines STEP 5
A Place for Everything Dedicate a space for your kids to put their shoes, backpack and coat to avoid things piling up on the floor in unwanted areas around the house.
article written by...
Jillian Burkhardt
STEP 6
Empty Backpacks ASAP Get your kids in the habit of clearing out their backpack as soon as they get home. There’s nothing worse than finding an important letter, dirty lunch containers or wet clothing five minutes before they’re supposed to be out the door in the morning.
STEP 7
After School Snack Kids are usually hungry when they get home from school. Being able to reach for a quick and healthy snack like cut veggies and hummus or yogurt and granola will help to tide them over until dinner.
STEP 8
Label Everything From indoor shoes to lunch containers and water bottles, there’s no guarantee these things will make their way home again if they aren’t labelled.
STEP 9
Set out Clothes Help your kids get into the habit of setting out their clothes for school the night before. That will ensure they have clean clothes to wear each day and getting dressed in the morning will be super quick.
Jillian Burkhardt is a mother of two and blogger at
SimplisticHappiness.com
where she helps moms simplifying their lives by creating clutter free homes so they can spend more time doing what they really love.
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H E A LT H Y L U N C H E S
TIPS TO MAKE HEALTHY LUNCHES A BREEZE 1. Get Everyone Involved •
Take turns with who makes lunches
•
Have the kids help package and prepare their lunches. Depending on their age they may be able to help slice, dice and assemble their meals
2. Plan and Prepare •
Keep an organized area for containers
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List meals and snacks for the week before you hit the grocery store
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Devote a couple of hours 1-2 days a week to grocery’s and meal prep for the week ahead
3. Stock the House with Healthy Food •
If you’re ever in a pickle and don’t have time to make the kids lunches in advance, you can prepare by stocking your home with healthy snacks, fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grain bread and lean proteins, so that no matter what you’re reaching for you can feel confident your child is receiving healthy food, even on those off days
e ool hav h c s r u o Does y trition u N t n e a Stud ? Programnontario.ca www.stud
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entnutrit
io
Want to speak to a dietitian? Call Telehealth Ontario toll free at 1-866-797-0000
Cinnamon Fruit Dip Cheesy Carrot Wagon Wheels
Ingredients:
Ingredients:
•
2% Greek Yogurt, ½ c
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Whole Wheat Tortilla
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Honey, 1 ½ tbsp.
•
Shredded Cheese, 2 tbsp
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Cinnamon, ½ tsp
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Half Carrot, peeled
•
Hummus, 2 tbsp
Directions: 1. Mix ingredients, top with a little extra cinnamon for decoration.
Directions: 1. Slice carrot into ½ cm rounds., And then slice into small matchstick size pieces. 2. Sprinkle shredded cheese over tortilla and microwave for 30 seconds, or until cheese is melted. 3. Allow cheese to cool for 1 minute and spread hummus over melted cheese. 4. Line matchstick carrots in an even row 1/3 of the way up the tortilla, roll tightly.
Is Coconut a Nut?
Coconut and nutmeg are not included in the list of tree nuts, but they can cause allergic reactions just like any other food. If you have any concerns, ask your allergist if coconut and nutmeg are safe for you. www.foodallergycanada.ca
5. Refrigerate for 1 hour and slice into rounds. W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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H E A LT H Y L U N C H E S
Peanut F Ideas F ree or the Lunchb ox https://b
it.ly/2MlM
Apple Cinnamon Quinoa Bars Yield: 9 bars Ingredients:
Mini Pizzas Ingredients: •
English Muffin, split
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Marinara Sauce, 2 tbsp
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Pizza Toppings: peppers, olives, onions, pineapple, ham, turkey pepperette sliced into “pepperoni” size rounds
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Shredded Mozzarella Cheese, ¼ c
Directions: 1. Lightly toast English muffin. 2. Top marinara sauce, cheese and pizza toppings. 3. Broil for 5 minutes until cheese is melted and bubbling. * PRO Tip – blend marinara sauce with veggies in the fridge that need to be used up – ex. Spinach, zucchini, cooked carrots
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•
Oats, 1.5 c
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Quinoa – cooked and cooled, 1 c
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Baking Powder, 1 tsp
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Cinnamon, 1 tsp
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Maple Syrup, 1/3 c
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Unsweetened Apple Sauce, 1/3 c
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1 Egg
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Diced Dried Apple, 1 c
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Almond Slices, ½ c
Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350 f and grease 9 X 11 pan with butter or coconut oil. 2. Combine dry ingredients, mix well and set aside. 3. Whisk together wet ingredients. 4. Add wet mixture to dry, mix slightly, add dried apple and almond slices and mix to combined. 5. Pour mixture into prepared pan and bake for 25-30 minutes. 6. Cool and slice into 9 bars.
L9O
Resources: Grocery Pickup:
Costco, Walmart, Loblaws/ Superstore
Meal Planning:
www.thekitchn.com/categories/ meal_planning
Dairy Free Trail Mix Muffins Yield: 18 muffins Ingredients: •
Whole Wheat Flour, 2 ¼ c
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Salt, ¼ tsp
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Baking Powder, 2 tsp
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Baking Soda, ½ tsp
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Brown Sugar, ¾ c
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Unsweetened Applesauce, ¾ c
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Coconut oil, ¼ c
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Vanilla, 2 tsp
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Coconut Milk, 1 ¾ c
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Apple Cider Vinegar, 1 tbsp
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Raisins, ¼ c
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Pumpkin Seeds, ¼ c
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Sliced Almonds, ¼ c
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Dried Apple Chunks, ¼ c
Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 400 f and line muffin tins with muffin liners
www.plantoeat.com www.UnlockFood.ca find information on nutrition, food and healthy eating as well as recipes, videos and interactive healthy eating tools.
PRO TIP Sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds are great substitutes for nuts in any recipe here! And any nut butters can be replaced with pumpkin seed butter or sunflower butter.
2. Combine dry ingredients, mix well and set aside. 3. Whisk together wet ingredients. 4. Add wet mixture to dry, mix slightly, add raisins, pumpkin seeds, sliced almonds and dried apples mix to combined. 5. Spoon mixture into prepared muffin tin and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into muffin comes out clean.
Recipes:
www.bigoven.com
Prepped Kids Lunch Delivery: www.thelunchlady.ca www.mybalancedchef.com (coming early Fall)
article written by...
Shandra Delima
is the owner of Balanced Chef. Her struggle with weight as an overweight adolescent piqued her interest in food and nutrition at a young age. Combined with her love for cooking, Shandra went on to culinary school at Fanshawe College, and later graduated Nutrition Management. With a growing need for healthy and convenient meal prep, Shandra Opened up Balanced Chef in September 2017. She is passionate about providing delicious, nutritious and convenient meals to her customers so they can lead a healthy lifestyle, that doesn’t revolve around planning for their next meal. Early Fall Shandra will be releasing her first line of children’s lunches through Balanced Chef. W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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Lunch Box Notes Print this page for some extra lunch box love to send with your kids! Add a personal note on the back to personalize it!
you are going to rock this day
YOU ARE a super star
you are a good friend 32
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Enjoy your day
YOU ARE LOVED YOU GOT THIS
Hello
Thinking of you Have a super fantabulous day!
Shine bright
Emily Cuthbert
www.REVISEORDIE.COM
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KIDS FIGHTING?
we can solve our own issues if you guide us
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KIDS FIGHTING? A bit of sibling rivalry is normal in a family, but when it gets to a point where you hear the kids constantly fighting, you may want to think about a couple of things: 1. 2.
How are YOU handling the fights? Is it bullying? Yes, bullying happens at home too.
You may not want to hear this…but…
Parents encourage sibling rivalry when they decide which child is to blame for the fight, or when they, as parents, take responsibility to resolve the fight. Taking sides can create greater sibling rivalry and invites children to assume the roles of victim and bully.
What CAN you do?
Under the age of 2 or 3, redirection works best, but once your kids are old enough it is time to remind them that they have other options to fighting. They can brainstorm ideas that will help, they can use a “Wheel of Choice” (we will talk about this in the November issue), or if it is something that cannot be resolved, it can be brought up at a Family Meeting (we will also talk about how to hold a Family Meeting in the November issue!) Explain to your kids that they have the power to resolve their fights without you interfering all the time - then explain how you think they are mature enough to find ways to do this. Once your kids are aware that you will not always resolve their fights, here are 3 ways that you can reinforce this and create kids that become great problem-solvers!
The3B’s
1) Beat It
The parent makes sure the children sees her/him and then leaves.
2) Bear It
The parent stays and observes, but doesn’t get involved, no matter what.
3) Boot ‘Em Out
The parent removes all the children from the scene while treating them the same saying, “It’s okay to fight, and you need to do it outside,” or, “You can go to separate rooms until you are ready to stop fighting,” or, “Go to another room together and come out when you have solved the problem and are ready to stop fighting.”
Not getting involved in fights is not the same as abandonment. Occasionally adults have memories of their own parents just leaving them at the mercy of their violent siblings. That is not what we are advocating. It is the parent’s job to teach that hurting other people is not okay. This is done most effectively by using some of the alternatives mentioned above, such as: Family Meetings, Wheel of Choice, brainstorming solutions etc. All of these suggestions use Positive Discipline www.parentguideacademy.com W W W. PAR E N T G U I D E . C A |
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THANK A COACH
SUMMER SPORTS ARE ENDING – DON’T FORGET TO THANK A COACH!
Your child may see them at least once a week, and sometimes even more often. They help beginners learn to play a new sport, or kids of all ability levels to build skills and confidence. They role model the values of fair play and teamwork, celebrate successes, and create learning moments from disappointments. They even give us a chance to mindfully watch our child from the sidelines, waving and cheering. I would suspect there are many parents across South Western Ontario who are grateful for the coaches in their kids’ lives.
Coaches are part of a community of caring and consistent adults, who help young kids make memories and shape early experiences. “Coaching not only allows me to spend quality time with my son, it develops lasting friendships with all who are involved, and is rewarding when teamwork is achieved to reach a common goal” says Ian Dick, coach of the London West Tincaps PeeWee competitive hardball team. If you are ever considering coaching, most leagues have a very supportive onboarding program that includes in person training, mentoring, and assistant or cocoaching options. Many provide a coaches manual or documents which may include ideas for warm up drills, review of the rules of the game, and other important information to get you started. So, as this summer comes to an end and you find yourself “retiring” yet another team jersey for your son or daughter, don’t forget to thank a coach you know. Better yet, have your child think of a meaningful way to say thank you, including writing a card or email, organizing a small gift from the team or picking out their own.
article written by...
Gillian Kriter, B.A. (Hons)
M.L.I.S has over 15 years of experience as a Librarian for municipal and provincial libraries, and is currently working at a children’s centre in Ontario. She lives in Lovely Lambeth with her soulmate Brad and their 2 young children. 36
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GENDER IDENTITY
When a child has a penis, the assigned sex is male. When a child has a vulva, the assigned sex is female. In rare cases, a child is born with external sex organs that are not clearly male or female.
Although we often associate gender development with puberty and adolescence, children begin showing interest in their gender early in life.
Gender identity: Gender identity
This article discusses how gender identity typically develops and how parents and caregivers can promote healthy gender development in children. It’s important to remember that each child is unique and may develop at a different pace.
female, or it may be somewhere in between, including “neither” or “both”. Gender expression: This is
What we mean by gender: Some useful terms
how you express your gender to others, whether through behaviour, clothing, hairstyle, or the name you choose to go by. Words to describe someone’s gender expression could be “masculine,” “feminine,” or “androgynous”.
Assigned sex: When children are
Sexual orientation: This refers
born, they are assigned “male” or “female” based on their external sex organs.
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is “who you know yourself to be”. While gender has generally been used to mean male or female, we now understand that gender exists on a spectrum. A person’s gender identity may be male,
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to the gender of the people
to whom you are typically sexually and/or romantically attracted. A person can be attracted to those of the same gender and/or different gender(s). Your gender identity does not define your sexual orientation. Transgender: When a person’s gender identity is not the same as their assigned sex at birth, they may be referred to as “transgender” (often shortened to “trans”). For example, a child born with female body parts may say that they are a boy. A child may also say that they are not a boy or a girl, but just “themselves” because they don’t want their sexual characteristics to define who they are. Indigenous people may use the term “two-spirit” to represent a person with a combination of masculine and feminine characteristics.
Gender dysphoria: Describes the level of discomfort or suffering associated with the
conflict that can exist between a person’s assigned sex at birth and their true gender. Some transgender children experience no distress about their bodies, but others may be very uncomfortable with their assigned sex, especially at the start of puberty when their body starts to change.
How does gender identity develop? Most children have a strong sense of their gender identity by the time they are 4 years old. Here is what you can typically expect at different ages:
2 to 3 years old: • At around 2 years old, children are aware of physical differences between boys and girls. • Most children can identify themselves as a “boy” or “girl”, although this may or may not match the sex they were assigned at birth.
• Some children’s gender identity remains stable over their life, while others may alternate between identifying themselves as “boy” or “girl”, or even assume other gender identities at different times (sometimes even in the same day). This is normal and healthy.
4 to 5 years old: • While many children at this age have a stable gender identity, gender identity may change later in life. • Children become more aware of gender expectations or stereotypes as they grow older. For example, they may think that certain toys are only for girls or boys. • Some children may express their gender very strongly. For example, a child might go through a stage of insisting on
wearing a dress every day, or refusing to wear a dress even on special occasions.
6 to 7 years old: • Many children begin to reduce outward expressions of gender as they feel more confident that others recognize their gender. For example, a girl may not feel that she has to wear a dress every day because she knows that others see her as a girl no matter what she wears. • Children who feel their gender identity is different from the sex assigned to them at birth may experience increased social anxiety because they want to be the same as their peers, but realize they don’t feel the same way.
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GENDER IDENTITY
8 years old and up: • Most children will continue to identify with their sex assigned at birth. • Pre-teens and teens continue to develop their gender identity through personal reflection and with input from their social environment, like peers, family and friends. • Some gender-stereotyped behaviours may appear. You may notice your teen or preteen making efforts to “play up” or “play down” some of their body’s physical changes. • Others are more confident in their gender identity and no longer feel like they have to portray a perfectly masculine or feminine appearance. • As puberty begins, some youth may realize that their gender identity is different from their assigned sex at birth. • Because some children’s gender identification may change, especially around puberty, families are encouraged to keep options open for their child.
How do most children express their gender identity? Younger children may express their gender very clearly. For example, they may say “I am a she, not a he!”, “I am not your daughter, I am your son.” Children may also express their gender through their:
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• Clothing or hairstyle • Choice of toys, games, and sports • Social relationships, including the gender of friends • Preferred name or nickname Remember: Gender expression is different from gender identity. You can’t assume a child’s gender identity based on their gender expression (for example, their choice of toys, clothing, or friends). My little boy likes to wear dresses. Should I let him? Some children go through a phase of resisting gender expectations. Remember that gender expression and gender identity are two different things. The way you express yourself does not necessarily define your gender. Children do best when their parents or caregivers show them that they are loved and accepted for who they are. Discouraging your child from expressing a gender can make them feel ashamed. Give them unconditional support. In doing so, you are not framing a gender, but simply accepting who they are and how they are feeling. For most children, this is usually a phase. No one can tell you whether your child’s gender identity or expression will change over time. What children need to know most is that you will love and accept them as they figure out their place in the world. In older children, you can also gently help prepare them for negative reactions from other children, for example, by role-playing how best to confidently respond to teasing.
What does gendercreative mean? Gender-creative children express their gender differently from what society may expect. For example, a boy who loves to wear pink or a girl who insists on wearing her hair very short might be considered “gender-creative”. Society’s expectations for gender constantly change and vary in different cultures and at different times in history. I think my child may be transgender. What should I do next? There is nothing medically or psychologically wrong with your child. Gender diversity is not a result of illness or parenting style. It isn’t caused by letting your son play with dolls, or your daughter play with trucks. If your child is transgender or gender-creative, they can live a happy and healthy life. Get support from other parents of transgender and gender-creative children, or talk to a mental health professional who specializes in the care of transgender and gender-creative children (if available in your community). Indigenous families can talk to a two-spirit elder or leader. See additional resources listed below.
How can I support my child? Strong parent support is key! • Love your child for who they are. • Talk with your child about gender identity. As soon as your child is able to say words like “girl” and “boy,” they are beginning to understand gender.
• Ask questions! This is a great way to hear your child’s ideas about gender. • Read books with your child that talk about many different ways to be a boy, a girl, or somewhere in between. • Don’t pressure your child to change who they are. • Find opportunities to show your child that transgender and gender-diverse people exist and belong to many communities who appreciate and love them.
Thank you to the Child, Youth, and Family Committee of the Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health and Gender Creative Kids Canada for their guidance and expertise in the development of this resource.
Spread the love!
Recommended Reading:
Introducing Teddy:
A gentle story about gender and friendship
• Ask your child’s teachers how they support gender expression and what they teach about gender identity at school. • Be aware that a child who is worrying about gender may show signs of depression, anxiety, and poor concentration. They may not want to go to school. • Be aware of potentially negative issues that your child may face. Let your child know that you want to hear about any bullying or intimidation towards them. • If you are concerned about your child’s emotional health, talk to your child’s family doctor, paediatrician, or a mental health professional that specializes in the care of transgender and gendercreative children. • Some parents have a hard time accepting that their child’s gender identity is different than their assigned sex at birth, often in cultures where this is not easily accepted. If you are having difficulties, please seek additional help through websites, printed resources, support groups or mental health providers. See below for additional resources.
My Princess Boy:
Resources:
A heart-warming book about unconditional love and one remarkable family.
Gender Creative Kids Canada Gender identity (Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada) Gender Identity Development in Children (American Academy of Pediatrics) Gender Spectrum Bullying: What parents need to know (PrevNet) Canadian Parents of Trans & Gender Diverse Kids (Facebook page)
It’s Perfectly Normal:
The definitive book about puberty and sexual health for today’s kids and teens.
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KIDS AND ANGER
HOW TO HELP YOUR KIDS UNDERSTAND ANGER Have you ever heard the term “flipping your lid” and wondered where this term came from? The Urban Dictionary describes is as: To suddenly go crazy or become angry. Origin was based on the observation that water boiling in a pot could bubble so violently as to “flip the lid” off the pot, leading to the analogy of a human becoming so angry as to “flip their lid”. It was later generalized to mean any sudden change in emotional state. If you have a toddler, heck, if you have kids of any age, I bet you are very familiar with flipping your lid…not only them, but sometimes you too! Sometimes our ability to control our emotions is very difficult, but I have found that having the knowledge of what is going on in our brain, helps identify and control the times that we want to ‘flip our lid’. To help our kids understand their emotions better, check out how Dr. Siegel describes it using the palm of your hand.
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STEP 1
Hold up your hand with your palm open
The palm of your hand to your wrist represents your brain stem. This is the fight/flight/ freeze part of your brain.
STEP 2
Move your thumb into the palm of your hand.
Your thumb represents the mid-brain (amygdala)—where old memories that created feelings of inadequacy and mistaken decisions about how to find belonging and significance are stored.
STEP 3
Now fold your fingers over your thumb to make a fist. Your fist represents the cortex. The pre-frontal cortex is the only place where rational thinking and emotional control takes place— regulation of emotions, regulation of interpersonal relationships, response flexibility, intuition, social cognition, self-awareness, letting go of fears, morality, and much more.
STEP 4
Recommended Reading:
When you get upset, you “flip your lid�
(flip your fingers up and expose the midbrain) and act from old, irrational emotions, and flight or fight.
Breathe Like a Bear:
Any Age - 30 Mindful Moments for Kids to Feel Calm and Focused Anytime, Anywhere
To view the full length video by Dr. Siegel visit:
www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=gm9CIJ74Oxw Or Click Below
Listening to My Body:
4-11 years old. An engaging and interactive picture book to help children to the practice paying attention to their bodies.
Resources:
Want to know more about Positive Discipline at every age? Visit: Parent Guide Academy:
www.parentguideacademy.com
Positive Discipline:
Mindfulness for Teen Anger:
Teenagers - A Workbook to Overcome Anger and Aggression Using mindfulnessbased stress reduction (MBSR) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) skills.
www.positivediscipline.com
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M E N TA L H E A LT H
ONE THING YOU CAN DO TO BE HAPPY!!!
So, you want to be happy do you? When I was younger I remember always wanting more…I wanted to be independent, I wanted to travel, I wanted to do it all… because I knew I would be happy once I did. And most of the time I was successful at just doing what I wanted - but that was when I didn’t have responsibilities like a mortgage, oh…and kids.
Becoming a parent was a big eyeopener. No longer did my needs come first…and rightly so they shouldn’t when you have kids… you need to give your kids your love and attention…you need to nurture them and protect them… you need to feed, cloth, and teach them…you need to be present.
It isn’t easy, is it? But what does easy have to do with being happy? Absolutely nothing…and here’s why. Our lives are not always easy… things happen…kids need our focus, the bills need to be paid, the roof leaks, the septic backs-up (yes, this happened yesterday:), the groceries need to be bought, the pets need to get to the vet, the emails and calls need to be made for work, and so on and so on…we have lots on our plate
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each and every day…we can’t change that…things need to get done…but we can change one thing…and that is our perspective and our HAPPINESS! OK, let me back-up a bit here to 1990 (this is really going to date me). I had set off on my own to backpack across Europe…I was young and carefree…and a bit crazy! I was ready to conquer the world. As I got ready at home, my mom tucked a letter into the front pocket of my backpack and she said not to open it right away – open it when I need a reminder of why I am there. I have never been one to wait… and as it turned out I needed a reminder the second day I arrived in Europe. I was on a train from Frankfurt, Germany to Lucerne, Switzerland. I ripped open the letter and I found a beautiful hand-written note from my mom telling how proud she was of me and how she would love a call home once in a while just so she knew I was safe. I am sure she tucked in a few dollars as well… but what I clearly remember was a newspaper clipping from the Ann Landers column. I wish I had the original to show you, but near the end of my trip I had everything stolen from me (but that’s another story!)
From Ann Landers: The Station
Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out the windows we bring in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat,
of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls. But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a complete jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering— waiting, waiting, waiting for the station. When we reach the station, that will be it, we cry. When I’m 18. When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz. When I put the last kid through college. When I have paid off the mortgage. When I get a promotion. When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after. Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. Relish the moment is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24: This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today. So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough. By Robert J. Hastings
put in front of me…a note in my backpack…a glimpse at our sleeping kids…a friendly call or visit right when you need it…
I don’t know if you caught that I was on a train when I was reading this…was I looking for my station? I am in tears writing this because it brings me right back to that moment, a young girl riding a train, reading a message that seemed like it was written just for me… and feeling the love of my mom beside me…showing me how to be happy. That was a trip of a lifetime and I did enjoy each and every moment and I wrote home to my mom about all my adventures…and I made sure she knew how much her message meant to me…truly meant to me…and changed my life. I was searching for happiness and it was right there in front of me…every step of the way. And the message was loud and clear…if you want to be happy… be happy! BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW…don’t wait to pull into the station! Enjoy the ride, enjoy the ups and downs (because we will have downs…we all do), enjoy the chaos of life, enjoy it all! Sometimes it takes me a few tries to really hear a message… this one was clear at the time, but there were many moments since then that I forgot the message…I got caught up in life and I wasn’t happy. And the universe is so incredible that it is in these moments that a reminder has always been
Just yesterday I listened to a podcast by James Wedmore…he was interviewing Jim Fortin (he’s a sales guru using Neuro-linguistic programming – NLP). Jim said, “If you want to be happy…be happy.” What? That is way too simple. No way will that ever work. Here was my reminder… So today I went for my morning walk with the dogs and I started to repeat to myself “If you want to be happy…be happy.” And as I walked I forgot about all my worries, I forgot about whatever was bothering me, and I focused on just being happy. And before I knew it I was smiling like a little kid…laughing out loud and yelling....
Resources: Positive Guide:
www.parentguide.ca
Parent Guide Academy:
www.parentguideacademy.com
article written by...
Jennifer McCallum
“If you want to be happy… be f***ing happy!” (keep in mind we live in the country so no one was around to hear me:) I was also thinking about that young girl on a train, reading that message from her mom…and it reminded me what I knew all along. If you want to be happy…
be happy!
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Like I said, sometimes I need to hear the message a few times. My mom was on point with this one many, many years ago. This is also how she lived her entire life…being happy. Life isn’t always easy, but in each moment we have a choice of being happy or not being happy!
What will you choose?
Mom to 4 kids, with a love for sharing and connecting with other parents. Publisher of 59 parenting resource books, Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator, and business owner for over 17 years!
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PARENT RESOURCES Navigating the internet to find the right resources can be a daunting task.
We want to make life easier for you!!! Below is a simplified list of where you can start to find the resources across Ontario, Canada. If you are not in Ontario, and you are searching for a resource in your area, contact us at
info@parentguide.ca. You can also download our 2018 New Parent Resource Guide and School Age Resource Guide here!
www.parentguide.ca/downloadable-books EMERGENCY 9-1-1 In an emergency, please call 9-1-1 ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH, AND PROBLEM GAMBLING SERVICES ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.
ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE Assaulted Women’s Helpline TOLL-FREE 1.866.863.0511 TOLL-FREE TTY 1.866.863.7868 #SAFE (#7233) on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone www.awhl.org To provide free, 24/7 crisis counselling, emotional support, information and referrals via telephone to women in up to 200 languages - completely anonymous and confidential.
INFANT FEEDING La Leche League Canada 1-800-665-4324 www.lllc.ca To encourage, promote and provide mother-to-mother breastfeeding support and educational opportunities as an important contribution to the health of children, families and society.
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Motherisk Helpline 1-877-439-2744 www.motherisk.org Provides evidence-based information about the risk or safety of prescription and over-the-counter medications, herbal products, chemicals, radiation, chronic diseases, infections, occupational, environmental, and other exposures during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Monday to Friday 9 a.m. to noon and 1 to 5 p.m. eastern standard time.
Motherisk - Alcohol and Substance Use Helpline 1-877-327-4636 Provides information about the safety or risk of alcohol, nicotine and recreational drugs such as marijuana, cocaine and ecstasy during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Monday to Friday 9 a.m. to noon and 1 to 5 p.m. eastern standard time.
CHILD CARE AND SCHOOLING Ontario Ministry of Education www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education The Ministry is responsible for early years, child care and publicly funded education from kindergarten to Grade 12.
OneList https://onehsn.com/home/childcare Available in most areas across Ontario COMMUNITY INFORMATION Call 2-1-1 www.211ontario.ca 211 is a helpline and website that provides information on and referrals to Ontario’s community, social, health-related and government services.
DISTRESS Distress and Crisis Ontario www.dcontario.org Distress Centres offer support and a variety of services. At a Distress Centre you can find a listening ear for lonely, depressed, and/ or suicidal people, usually 24/7. Many centres also have Suicide Survivor programs, support services for youth, telephone call out programs for seniors and vulnerable people, mental health Crisis Lines services and much more.
HEALTH Health Care Options www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.
Telehealth Ontario Toll-free: 1-866-797-0000 Toll-free TTY: 1-866-797-0007 Telehealth Ontario is only offered over the phone. Email advice is not available. Free, confidential service - call to get health advice or information. A Registered Nurse will take your call 24/7.
POISON Ontario Poison Centre 1-800-268-9017 www.ontariopoisoncentre.ca Assists if you think that you or someone you love has been exposed to a dangerous substance.
SUICIDE If you are in crisis, and you are feeling suicidal, or think someone else is:
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Contact your/their doctor
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Go to the nearest hospital
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Find a local crisis line
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Find a mobile crisis team
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Call a Distress Centre
Kids Help Phone is Canada’s only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. Search their extensive resource list, Phone, live chat, App,
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Call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000
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HELP FOR POST-SECONDARY STUDENTS
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Canadian Mental Health Association
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Kids Help Phone
HELP FOR KIDS Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 www.kidshelpphone.ca
Good2Talk 1-866-925-5454, or call 2-1-1 Free, confidential helpline providing professional counselling and information and referrals for mental health, addictions and well-being to post-secondary students in Ontario, 24/7/365.
LGBTQ+ LGBT YouthLine 1.800.268.9688 www.youthline.ca Youth Line offers confidential and non-judgemental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4:00PM to 9:30 PM. Check out their amazing list of resources: www.youthline.ca/get-support/ links-resources
ne…please lo a R E V E You are N ith others, w t c e n n o c reach out, ptions are, o r u o y t a h ! find out w ith this list w lf e s r u o y and equip o print off t e g a p t a e This is a gr the fridge! n o k ic t s d an
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meet the cover family
Lenie, daughter Amira, and partner Michael They are ready to take on the world together!
Q. Tell me about your family. A. I have a great job, an incredible support system of friends and family, and I am with a wonderful partner, Michael. I have shared custody of my daughter, Amira - who just happens to be on the front cover!
Q. How do you survive, thrive, and cope with a shared custody situation? A. I still miss my daughter a lot when she is not with me, but I just have to look in the glass and decide that its half full, rather than half empty. If you are in the same boat as me, know that you are not alone. Getting caught up on the downside of things can spiral you out of control, and could lead to a more dangerous path. So surround yourself with
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people who will uplift you, support you and accept you for you who are without prejudice. Always look forward - think of ways to make your time with your little one like it’s the last day before she goes back to the other parent. Plan your days when you have your little one, and plan your days for yourself as well. Indulge on the things you like. Learn a new sport, catch up on your friends. Read a novel that is about to come out in a movie. Repaint your bedroom walls. Crank up your fave tunes while dusting and vacuuming.
Q. What is your advice for other parents? A. Just be strong because your child depends on you. Be strong, because there is no other way. You will get through this and you are definitely not alone.
Read Lenie's full story here: www.parentguide.ca/leniesstory
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