PYNK Lemonade The Squeeze | Volume 3 by PYNK Lemonade

volume 03

a message from the co-founders

Love is a verb. It is an act. It is movement. It is past, present, future and being. Love, has always been, and will always be here. For most, Love finds itself in the center of all things. It is in the food we make. It is in the hug we give. It is in the smile we show. It is in our fears and our successes. It is the laughter of a baby and the swiftness of a breeze. And for us specifically, Love sits in the middle of the reason we do what we do. Our team at PYNK Lemonade operates solely on positivity and impact. We focus our efforts on how we can help change peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives or challenge the status quo. We have been grateful beyond measure to have experienced the Love of an extended family like you as if you were our own. And for that very thing that lies in the center of all of us, we continue to work hard so that we might be able to pave the way for a younger generation to have even better opportunities. That is what Love does. It is unconditional. It is ever-changing and ever-growing. And we can always find it moving through the seams of our lives, leaving a mark for others to experience. This issue of the Squeeze celebrates that very experience. It celebrates the act of what Love truly is in all capacities. It is our hope that in this issue (and even in your relationship with us at PYNK Lemonade) that you will also find your own relationship with Love, like we did with all of you. Keep

Sweet!

ChloĂŠ Francena Adams + Chanah McKenzie PYNK Lemonade Co-Founders

a note from the editor-in-chief

“Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God.” Toni Morrison, Paradise Black love is a part of everything that we feel, see, and experience in our lives as black people. It’s the very essence of our culture and formulates how we navigate through society. For this issue of The Squeeze, we wanted to bring conversations about Black Love to life. Understanding that this topic expands far beyond romantic relationships, we made an effort to highlight the many hues of Black Love and how it affects every aspect of our life. Being a young black woman, I feel there are ongoing lessons to be learned every day about love. I’ve struggled with self-love when it comes to my skin and my hair. I’ve struggled with allowing myself to love romantically due to the fear of hurting someone or setting myself up for heartbreak. And I’ve struggled with expressing my love for my family and friends as I would like to. In our culture, it’s about keeping it cool, reading in between the lines, and always assuming versus expressing. I feel the more we talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of Black Love, we will begin to make expressing it that much easier and make these conversations more common. I hope you enjoy this issue and find yourself and your story somewhere on these pages. Black Love is precious and deserves to be celebrated in every way. Sincerely,

Ramona Roberts Editor-in-Chief & Senior Writer

February 2020 | Volume Three CO-FOUNDER, CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER, WRITER Chloé Francena Adams CO-FOUNDER, CHIEF CREATIVE OFFICER, DESIGNER Chanah McKenzie EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, SENIOR WRITER Ramona Roberts COPY EDITOR, WRITER Adrinece Beard Contributing Writers Imani Hendricks Karima McKenzie Nzingha Florence Ebony Pitts Anthony Perry Deionna Monroe Isaiah Blackston Sherdrain Johnson Copyright ®2020 PYNK Lemonade - All Rights Reserved. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system - except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review - without written permission from the publisher. Please direct all permission requests, subscription queries and orders to info@pynklmn.com.

Not your average talk show. Coming Spring 2020

Exclusively on pynklmn.com

pynklmn

#BLACKLOVE IS...

JEFFREY + CHAZ

ETHAN + CHANAH

CJ + SIMENA

NIKO + MARY

ZACCORI + DEVON

MUSIC MATTERS //

CONTENTS STEADY HUSTLIN’// 10 A FATHER’S LOVE 12 AN INTERVIEW WITH SYDTHECREATIVE 14 SISTERHOOD IN THE WORKPLACE

LIVIN’ YOUR BEST LIFE // 16 A TIMELESS TIMELINE 20 FOUR FOR FOUR: A MESSAGE TO THOSE FIGHTING FOR LOVE 23 POWER OF THE TOUNGE 24 BROWN SKIN GIRL 27 CATCH FLIGHTS, NOT FEELINGS 28 CLAIMING YOUR HAPPINESS

30 WHAT HAPPENED TO SINGING IN THE RAIN? 33 THE PERFECT LOVE SONG

BIG BAG TALK // 36 DATING ON A BUDGET 38 LOVING YOURSELF BY PRESERVING YOUR WEALTH

WE ARE THE CULTURE // 42 WHY SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE YOU 48 WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A BLACK WOMAN IN AMERICA? 51 FIGURES OF LOVE 52 THROUGH THE LENS 56 I FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE 58 THE WORLD GOT A PROBLEM WITH BLACK BOY JOY

LAND YOUR DREAM JOB, FOR THE PRICE OF A GYM MEMBERSHIP.

CAREER DEVELOPMENT SERVICE

SERVICES INCLUDE PROFESSIONAL RESUME WRITING LINKEDIN PROFILE DEVELOPMENT INTERVIEW COACHING + MORE!

STARTING AS LOW AS $24/MONTH

FLEXIBLE PAYMENT OPTIONS AVAILABLE BRANDRESUMES.COM

steady

hu stl in'//

a father's love BY RAMONA ROBERTS

here’s always a conversation to be had when it comes to fatherhood in the black community. 24-Year-Old Kyshon Johnson used her story with her father to make that conversation more common and comfortable. Through her platform, The Other Halfs, Johnson created a safe space for black women and men to openly discuss the impact of a father’s love or the lack thereof. “Whether your relationship was positive negative or non-existent, this is a safe space for you to self-reflect, connect with likehearted people, and learn more about yourself.” Kyshon explains that her father was incarcerated on and off for a total of 14 years of her life. “So we used to talk through the phone a lot. We wrote letters, and outside of our relationships in my environment I never really saw positive fatherchild relationships. My closest girlfriends, none of us had fathers that were really active in our lives, so it was almost as if I didn’t feel like I was missing anything by not having my father’s love present, because no one around me saw it...our mothers had given us everything we needed.” As a result, Johnson didn’t always realize this space was needed, especially for her specifically... until she did. “It wasn’t until I studied abroad in 2012 in Spain, and I had to live with a host family, and that’s where I met my host father. For the first time in my life I lived in a two-parent household and I got to see a positive father-child relationship between my host father and my two host sisters. They didn’t have a lot of cares in the world because they knew that they had this father that was a protector. Their personalities were solidified, they were so goofy with their dads so when they would go out into the world, they weren’t trying to be other people, they already knew who they were because their father had cultivated this personality in the household. They didn’t really seek or put too much emphasis on romantic relationships or their value and worth

on these romantic relationships because they had this super-strong bond with their father.” After returning to the U.S., Johnson was motivated to learn how her relationship with her father was impacting her. In the process of doing research, she struggled to find resources that catered to the black community and the topic of absent fathers. This was what pushed her to create her own resource. Through The Other Halfs platform, Kyshon has interviewed 100 different women and 50 different men all around the country. She described a few things that stood out to her throughout her interview series. “The overall thing I would say I have learned is that children remember everything. One of the first questions that I ask in my interview is “what are your first memories with your father” and I think of the, I’ll say 150 people that interview initially, that everyone’s answer started at about two to fiveyears-old. And the things that they remembered, they may not have remembered all the details, but they remembered how their father made [them] feel.” When talking to men specifically Johnson explains the word abandonment came out a lot. “They felt abandoned by their father. One if he wasn’t present, but also if he was present but he wasn’t emotionally present.” She continued to explain how this abandonment would show in their romantic lives. “A lot of them said that as they started to date they started to use women to fill voids, and they started to fear that the women would leave them or that people close to them would leave them. So one of the strategies they would have is that they would try and leave people before they leave them, or leave any relationship that in any way triggered or reflected what they saw growing up in relation to their father.”

THE SQUEEZE

The platform founder explains how she is in the process of rebuilding her relationship with her father. “My father and I had been rebuilding our relationship for about a year and a half. So one of the key things that I started to do is set my intentions, what do I want to gain from this relationship. Do I want to have the talk with him when I spill out everything that I felt about him being incarcerated for the majority of my life and kind of throw it on him, do I want to be heard? Or do I just want him in my life? And that’s what I really wanted, I felt like I couldn’t take back in not being there in the past and I didn’t feel like we would have a productive relationship or communication if we dove too much into that because it’s out of my control and it happened in the past.” To those struggling with their own relationship with their father, Kyshon focuses on 3 steps to help start the process: Recognizing the relationship and how it has impacted you, having patience with learning your avenues of expression, and figuring out how you want to move forward. Along with providing an interview series that is presented through the web, The Other Half is

THE SQUEEZE

also known for its events. “The events are very uniquely coordinated and it’s an opportunity to meet people. They are always open bar, especially because we’re having such heavy topics. The event can range to about 25 to about 80 people and they’re all very unique...at all of The Other Half events, you get a name tag with a color on it. Green is a positive relationship with your father, red is a negative relationship with him, and yellow is we working on it/we are figuring it out. It’s just a safe space for you to walk up to someone. Maybe you have a green and you don’t want heavy conversation so you go find someone who has a green name tag. The point is you’re able to meet so many like-hearted individuals and connect with them, and that’s the best way to learn about yourself.” Through its genuine impact, this platform has received much press, and according to the founder, there’s still more to come. With possible celebrity interviews, more events, and purchasable merchandise for your personal journey, Kyshon will continue to impact, educate and normalize the conversations around a father’s love. And for that, we thank her.

an interview with

SYD THE CREATIVE BY NZINGHA FLORENCE

n College, you’re thrown into this new world where you’re discovering yourself. Imagine then adding a relationship with a whole other human being; yea, it isn’t always easy. Sydney Price, aka SydTheCreative, is a Sophomore Psychology major at Spelman College. She bravely takes on the feat of exposing all the beautiful and not so beautiful aspects of loving another person as a college student. The creative Sydney is a well-known videographer and YouTuber in the Atlanta University Center with 3.9 thousand subscribers and over 33 thousand views on her most known poetry narrative video, “To My Next Boyfriend.” Her most recent web series “College Students Explain” delves into the perspective of black college students and their relationships, both the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly. “I was inspired by Jubilee Media and The Skin Deep on YouTube to start this series, but I wanted to center my series around college students because I feel like the college experience is really a pivotal time. In terms of approaching love, the black experience is much different and there’s a lot of different things that come into play when thinking about dating or having those romantic experiences. I think that plays a large role in who we choose to date and how we choose to date,” says Price. The “College Students Explain” web series currently consists of four videos, titled: How They Fell in Love, Why They Are Single, How To Love Someone Through Trauma, and Why They Broke Up. Each video gives the alternate perspectives of a college man and woman who had some form of relationship with each other, led by a stack of

questions they pull from and ask one another. Here is an excerpt from the couple Sharadiant Turner, sophomore at Spelman College, and Collin Concepcion, sophomore at Morehouse College. In the video COLLEGE STUDENTS EXPLAIN: How To Love Someone Through Trauma. Sharadiant:

When was the moment you knew that you

loved me? Collin:

The moment I knew that I loved you… There were actually moments here and there… You know, it’d be a joke, one time it’d be something really smart you would say. Another, it’d be something really cute you would do. You know, it all actually related and came together as one. It did come out a little bit late, but definitely, when I meant it, I said it. I mean everything about it too, it hasn’t changed… not one bit. Collin:

What is our biggest conflict in our relationship and what can we do to solve it? Sharadiant:

We handle our issues differently. When you have an issue with something you tend to hold on to it until it eventually blows up and it’s like a big thing, whereas for me, if I see something, I say something right then and there. Collin: I don’t like for me to, you know, show you that I can

be weak in some points. Sharadiant:

I don’t think you showing your feelings is

being weak. THE SQUEEZE

Sharadiant: What is the pain in me you wish you could heal? Collin:

I would say losing your mom…That was…a lot. Just having to understand, like that was your rock, that was your mom. And the fact that you lost her at a really early age. Not only did it affect you, but it had an effect on me too because I knew her too. I just wished that didn’t happen, I wish that all the time. I wish it didn’t happen to you. One of Price’s consistent viewers, Nylah Moore, shares her thoughts on the recent creation of the web series. “What I admire most about the web series is the fact that it’s so raw and it brings attention to conversations that most of us are scared to have. It’s those types of moments and those lessons that help us grow into the people we’ll be after this. It’s very real, honest, and vulnerable. Black love in the AUC should be discussed more because the space that we’re in and the prestige that our schools have behind their names, creates these stereotypes of a SpelHouse couple or ClarkHouse couple. We can’t have those assumptions and those stereotypes, but then not have conversation behind what that actually looks like if they were to exist,” says Moore. Price believes there is a “very real perspective” of black relationships that need to be shared, aside from the Love and Hip Hop view. She’s doing her part in creating a different lens and celebrating the beauty of black love.

THE SQUEEZE

Sisterhood in the workplace BY IMANI HENDRICK

fter centuries of women fighting for justice, we are still living in a patriarchal society. The wage gap between men and women is alive and well, and many women are affected daily by misogynistic views in the workplace, leaving them defeated and misunderstood. However, while this is a very pressing issue, women cannot overcome this battle without addressing some internal issues. The biggest, in my opinion, is the lack of inclusion and the mean girl agenda. The feminist movement, while claiming to fight for women, continues to undermine the true struggles of being black and a woman. This is how the Black Feminist movement and the use of terms like intersectionality (Coined by Kimberle Crenshaw in 1989) came to be. Black women have become the victims of misogynoir a term created by Moya Bailey in 2010. What this means is that while dealing with the complications of being a woman in a man’s world, your race makes it 10 times harder. These ideologies that black culture is “too much,” have been passed down for generations and are very potent in the workplace. Corporate America is infiltrated with ideas of the “Angry Black Woman” and disgust towards natural hairstyles deeming them unprofessional and unacceptable. In light of these realities, a black woman must armor up with perseverance daily as the odds are always against her. Considering these truths, I find that black sisterhood in the workplace is not only important but vital. We must stand together in the face of opposition and be each other’s backbones. Now, if you’re a Shonda Rimes fan like me then I’m sure you were excited to see the crossover of the hit dramas How To Get Away With Murder (HTGAWM) and Scandal. In the episode entitled “Allow me to reintroduce myself” we witness a huge blowout between Analise Keating and Olivia Pope. Both of these women are powerful figures in the legal world. But being black women, they have few peers. There is a scene where the two meet in the beauty salon and Analise says to Olivia “From

the moment you met me, you treated me like a white man in a boardroom looking down on me like my hips are too big and my hue too dark.” This is an example that resonates with so many black women in the workplace but it doesn’t have to continue. Below you will find 3 ways to show up for your sisters in the workplace 1. Make connections grounded in love As we focus on black love this month (as we should every month) remember to put differences aside and be genuine to your fellow coworkers, especially other black women. A grounded love is one not easily wavered. We are all extensions of the love our ancestors had. There will be challenges but when we stick together we can achieve what is deemed implausible. Love conquers all. 2. Be an advocate Black women are victims of not only wage gaps but also gender gaps. These interconnected struggles make it very off-putting to voice all opinions especially when you have a family to take care of. As an advocate, you can make sure that the black women in your workplace are not being unfairly scrutinized when issues are raised. Step up! 3. Be a mentor Let’s be honest for a moment, the education system has failed at many things and one of the biggest pitfalls lies in real-world preparation. There are so many things that are preventable that end up happening due to a lack of knowledge and mentorship. All this is to encourage you to be the person you needed when you were younger. And of course, some people have to get burned by the fire to learn but there are so many ways you can help in being a guiding light. To be a black woman is an extraordinary, yet daunting task at times so let’s propel them in all environments.

THE SQUEEZE

livin' your

best li fe//

a timeless timeline BY CHLOÉ ADAMS

ifty-four years. That’s how long my parents have known each other. And in marriage, forty-five years of “get off my side of the bed” and countless spaghetti dinners. Fifty-four years of friendship, happiness, anger, confusion, laughs, cries and everything in between. My mom and dad are (what we call in today’s society) boomers- those born between 1946 and 1964. They grew up right in the middle of the Civil Rights Movement. They are literal walking history and so is their love. I’ve heard countless stories of experiences in their lifetime together that have shaped them, their families and their lives. I often like to think that their stories are a big contribution to American history. Their history, one that has expanded to over half-a-century and just keeps growing, continues to thrive. Fifty-four years of pure, raw, unbreaking love. A lot can happen that only a timeline could tell.

1968

The assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

1970 In college, my parents were friends and started seriously dating about 2-3 years into school. Prior to that, my mom said my dad “chased her.” He befriended her siblings, took her mom out to lunch with them, helped move her into her dorm, and did just about everything under the sun! In fact, he was around so much that some of the alum from her college (SUNY Albany), believe he was a part of their graduating class. Note: He did NOT attend college at SUNY Albany.

1966 My parents met in high school. They attended Midwood High School in Brooklyn, NY. “I was walking to class one morning. I was in ninth grade,” said my mom. “And dad and his friends were standing on the school steps watching me.” I asked my dad if he remembered that moment and he responded, as he was eating his dinner, “Kind of.” They both laughed. They were fourteen. They were in a group called “A Panel of American Youth.” The purpose of the panel was for the youth to express why there was so much hatred and anger in the world during that time.

THE SQUEEZE

1975

1978 My brother was born and my mother became a teacher

“I proposed to her at a restaurant,” my dad said as he was eating dinner. “We went to lunch. A nice restaurant with music, good food, nice environment.” “Really?” my mom asked, “Yeah,” he responded. She turns and rolls her eyes. “There was no restaurant,” she responds in a snarky, yet playful manner. “I worked at MetLife. He proposed to me in front of an insurance company, in a car during my lunch break. He was too excited to wait for a restaurant.” Mom and dad got married at twenty-three years old in their Queens, NY apartment. For most of us around that age, the most we want to do is figure out what we want to eat for dinner or go to brunch.

1981 The release of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”

1975 The End of the Vietnam War

1974 My dad became a police officer.

1976 My parents used to live on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn, NY. During the summer, they would ride their bikes down about three or four miles to Coney Island and get a Nathan’s hot dog and ride back home to get a milkshake from Carvel. They used to sit outside on the bench and talk, people watch and look at the cars go by.

THE SQUEEZE

1982 My sister was born

1991

The Internet became popular

1995 1984

A queen was born. I was a surprise child. That was the big news of the 90â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in my family. No one expected me to come and it definitely affected their lifestyles (for the better, I might add).

The Cosby Show first aired

1988-1994 For six years, my family went through a rough period. In 1988, my parents uprooted their lives in New York and moved to New Jersey. However, in between this time, my mom lost her grandmother and mother within a year of each other, as well as cousins and uncles, too. During this time period, my mom also started teaching at New Brunswick High School and in 1994, her dad passed away â&#x20AC;&#x201C; two months before I was born. It was a hard six years. All they wanted to do was get through it.

THE SQUEEZE

2001

2019

September 11, 2001 was one of the saddest, scariest days, especially for my dad because he retired from being an NYC detective one year prior. His office was located on the seventy-seventh floor of the World Trade Center. Over fifty of his colleagues and friends passed away that day. His father passed away one year prior as well.

My mom retires from serving in education after 40 years (December)

2007 The first iPhone was released

2008 Barack Obama was elected as President of the United States of America

2020 Growing up, I didn’t really understand the importance of black love. I didn’t understand how scarce it was. I thought everyone pretty much had similar upbringings. I didn’t know what it meant to truly love someone because to me, love was the norm. Love was always in the room. It was day-today. It was the hardships. It was arguments. It was the grocery-store runs and rainy days. It was the career boosters and the dinners with friends and the vacations with one another. It was the children. It was forgiveness. It was work. But nevertheless, it was black love. Real black love. Over half a century of it, thriving every day. I didn’t realize it then, but I know now that I am lucky to have seen it right in front of my eyes. I am lucky to know the stories and to be able to share the timeline. It’s real. It’s here. It’s living. And I know that because I see it every day. And so in 2020, I sat with my parents and I was able to ask them one important question about their timeline. One important question about fifty-four years. It seems like a long time. Just think about all that’s happened. “How does it feel to have been together for nearly three-quarters of your lives,” I asked. And their answer was simple. It was timeless.

2016 My mom became Dr. Antoinette Adams (Ed.D). It took her ten years. Within this time, my dad lost his mother, my mom got a new job and lost two sisters within a year and a half of each other and switched schools all while taking care of their family.

THE SQUEEZE

four for four: A Message to Those Fighting for Love

BY KARIMA McKENZIE

’ve reflected on the tumultuous roller coaster ride that comes with merging two adult lives. Being married, I have always been asked, “How’s married life?” My answers would vary from “pretty cool,” “interesting,” “great,” etc. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’d say marriage is the most rewarding yet most challenging experience in life. It’s rewarding for the lifelong companionship, the dates, laughter, intimacy, wedding day, etc. The challenge, however, is in the vows, when things get difficult (and they will) will you remember the rewards? Will you come to your senses before it goes too far? If you’ve truly made a commitment to your relationship or marriage, then there’s always a road back to recovery. It requires having

the things in life that most people struggle with: Humility, Transparency, and Patience. In my 4 years of being married, I’ve identified 4 things that will contribute to the success of any relationship or marriage. 1. Respect Respect the vows that you took and their true meaning. Respect one another’s feelings. Too often we dismiss our partner’s feelings because we can’t identify with them. And while we may not understand the place from which their feelings come from, it is important to honor them by being receptive to them. Respect each other’s individual growth! They will change, you will change, and

THE SQUEEZE

you will have to respect that and learn to grow together through it. 2. Forgiveness A LOT will happen and in most cases unintentionally. The person you love the most will hurt you in some way, shape or form. But will you have the ability to open your heart, drop all defenses, and find where forgiveness starts? Or will you center your marriage on what your partner failed to do right? Instead, always apologize for your role in what occurred, always come home, always go to bed, and always try to find common ground before the night’s end. 3. Hidden Expectations Expose your expectations of your partner from the door. Most people enter a relationship or marriage with a complete idea of what it will be like, including what that person should do for you on a daily basis. It’s great to have those expectations, but truth be told those expectations are often treated as an assumption and in most cases never communicated to your partner. You have to discuss these expectations. 4. Communication The first 3 tips can’t happen if you’re not honest and transparent. Communicate with your partner about everything: your past, your innermost thoughts, feelings, needs, etc. Your partner should be your best friend. There shouldn’t be another person in this whole world who knows more about you than your partner. If you are having trouble communicating, don’t be afraid or ashamed to add a third party to help with that. A licensed counselor or someone that has your best interest at heart is preferred. Premarital and marital counseling can work wonders, especially when both parties are open to being transparent. Praying together and praying for one another is a powerful tool to self reflect and encourage you both through the process. While this is my blueprint for a healthy relationship, it is definitely a lot easier said than done. In a millennial, social media-driven world, it’s easy to “see” what others have and admire it from afar and wish you had what they have. But the reality is, in between every post or picture, there’s real work being done just to get to another one of those fun-filled photogenic moments. Love, that true unconditional love, when both parties embody the 4 characteristics above, is worth fighting for. Remember that the reward of having your relationship is greater than the challenge. ALWAYS! KEEP FIGHTING FOR YOURS!

THE SQUEEZE

love

CHALLENGE Daily, for the next 30 days, write one thing you love about your partner. By the end of the 30 days, you both should sit down and share them with each other. Two things will come from this: 1. You will remember why you’ve fallen in love in the first place. 2. By reflecting on what you love about them, you will attract more of that love from them and it will manifest. We often focus on all the things our partner does wrong, thereby attracting that same energy. Shift your focus to the things they do right and watch what it does for your relationship. Mark my words.

ART BROUGHT TO LIFE. NOW SERVICING 2 LOCATIONS INSPIRA NEW BRUNSWICK 987 JERSEY AVENUE, SUITE D NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ INSPIRA AT TEACHERS VILLAGE 235 HALSEY STREET NEWARK, NJ

FOR MORE INFORMATION, PLEASE VISIT WWW.INSPIRAARTS.COM

power of the tongue BY IMANI HENDRICK

n this new era of self-love, something that I have come to cherish is the practice of affirming. I’m sure you have heard it all before that you should watch what you say, and that there is power in the tongue and I’m here to tell you that this is no myth. Within the past year or so, as I’m transitioning into womanhood, I have realized that no one has your back as you do especially in this money-hungry world. I’ve faced challenges with self-identity as well as self-doubt which oftentimes lead me into depressions. But I am an overcomer. I’ve found that ever since I’ve started incorporating positive word affirmations into my daily routines, I have begun to show up as better versions of myself even on my worst days. When saying them, I make it a point to place my affirmations near or around mirrors in my house through the simple act of looking into my own eyes and feeding my soul positivity, I get a jolt of encouragement and even more empowerment. By saying them OUT LOUD daily, I can say that I have started believing these things and they have been coming to fruition. You are what you speak. Take some time out and speak life into yourself. A few that I love are: 1. I am not perfect and I do not have to be; I am enough You are allowed to fall and get up and fall again. Every time you fall you are forced to examine the roots whether that be something you could improve on or something that is dead and needs to be cut off. In life, we go through great change daily but you are enough and you don’t have to be anyone else but yourself. “No one is you and that is your power.” - Dave Grohl

As I said earlier, I like to speak things into existence. My goal while I’m here on this earth is to be a compassionate person full of love and understanding. You get what you put out. One saying that I love is “In order to be understood you must understand” and I try to live by this. 3. I am in alignment with my journey; I am right on time So often we get caught up in the why’s and what ifs but you must remember everything is for a reason and necessary. We live in a society so caught up in having a plan that sometimes you can get engulfed in achieving at the same rate as others. This is so unhealthy because it makes happiness and success a measurable entity (which it is not.) The truth is you never really know what happens behind closed doors and as crazy as it seems, you can’t predict when your breakthrough will come. So, stay the course. I am a firm believer that as long as you stay diligent and authentic in YOUR dreams they will turn to reality. God’s timing is the best timing. 4. I am here for a purpose Life is so beautiful because not one person is here to fulfill the same task. We were all created to do one specific thing and if you are still here you still have work to do. Show up.

5. I am history in the making Each and every one of us are some of our ancestors’ wildest dreams breaking barriers daily. I believe that keeping their legacies alive requires a lot of commitment and dedication in order to sustain. Like I said, “ I am here for a purpose” and my story will go down in history even if I’m not here to see it.

2. I am compassionate, I am loving, I am understanding

THE SQUEEZE

brown skin girl BY RAMONA ROBERTS

“W

e are a reflection of our girls, and because we are a reflection of them, we have a responsibility to them.” That’s one of the most powerful things Khristi Adams said when I talked with her about her book and her passion for telling black girls’ stories. Recently released on February 4th, 2020, “The Parable of the Brown Girl” is a book that educates the reader on what black girls deal with in their adolescent years. “It centers their experiences, their stories, how they navigate through life’s challenges and how they sort of identify in this world with very little resources and support. This

book celebrates them. It’s for the reader to be able to listen and absorb, but also see God through them and learn something about their own lives, learn something about God.” Adams expresses that she often sees herself in the stories, and points out that even if she didn’t experience what they experienced personally, she still relates and finds herself in the story. “I am all of the girls that I wrote about in the book and the girls that I continue to have relationships with. The girls whose stories are in the book are just a reflection of myself. For the most part a lot of the girls have gone through things that I have gone

THE SQUEEZE

through or are going through things that I went through as a child or adolescent. But also things that we continue to go through as black women well into our adulthood.” Having her own story growing up as a beautiful brown skin girl, she focuses on the last chapter of the book that describes the “white acting” brown girl who struggled with code switching between black environments with peers and white environments as the only black girl. “I grew up in a predominantly white environment, in East Brunswick [New Jersey], and went to predominantly white schools. But my church was all black- an African American church. So I had to navigate in and out of those very environments. I tried to act black around my peers at church, and I guess try to conceal the influence that white culture was sort of having on me in those environments. But then when i’m in white environments, you’re the token black person, and the token black girl, they expect you to act a certain way. But, you’re not really accepted unless you blend. When you’re trying to evolve and come to a real confident sense of self, they talk about be yourself all the time, those are the messages we receive as kids, but it’s really, really difficult for black girls in certain settings because they constantly have to code switch and figure out what would work socially for them so that they will be accepted. And that was definitely me growing up my entire adolescence.I really didn’t come out of that until I went to Temple [University]. Because when I got to college, everything was about self-expression” When dealing with such experiences it can create an emptiness and hinder your self love. For Khristi, she turned to basketball to fill that void and distract her from her own story. “Well, I was a basketball player. I found a lot of safety in that sport because it was no personality you know? It was just talent and skill. So I found a home in my sport so I was able to channel a lot of that frustration and I found a lot of acceptance when I was on the court. The problem with that, was that was the only place I felt like that. I mean obviously at home, but when you’re a kid you’re spending 9 hours, 8 hours at school. So that is your main educational and social structure. So, it was basketball. But when I wasn’t playing basketball, I was severely insecure.”

on my life as an adolescent. And I say in the book that when I met him I was insecure and angry and really broken. But this was a person that I met in the beginning of my high school career that I found a home in because he really truly loved me like one of the best friends I ever had. He didn’t come to any of my basketball games, didn’t care that I played basketball *laughs*, and there was nothing that I could just offer him. I didn’t have to switch into any person or culture or whatever when I was around him.” Khristi emphasizes that black women are constantly fighting societal and social standards of what is beautiful and what is accepted. Whether it’s the texture of your hair, tone of your skin, or the personality you embrace, we must always remember that our self-love and acceptance is all that matters. “There are really great parts of who we are, there are unique things or unique gifts on the inside of black girls. But in order for black girls to get to a place where they truly love and accept who they are, they have to go through this sort of darkness of the soul. You have to be able to dive into all of the parts of who you are and sit in it. Sit in that tension for a little while, until you get to a place where you can accept that. And when you do, it doesn’t matter if people love and accept you or not, you’ve already been on that journey for yourself!” The Parable of a Brown girl is a testament and lesson to the strength behind being a black woman. The writer explains the book is good for high school girls and young adults to read, but they aren’t her main audience. “Black girls already know about their experiences, they don’t need to read an affirmation about it. Who needs to read it, are people that don’t know. It’s mainly for adults. Parents, educators, community leaders, church leaders, anybody that has a connection with a black girl, want’s a deeper connection with black girls, is curious or maybe wants a better understanding of black girls experiences and how they can perceive them [black girls’] differently... not only are we learning about these girls, but how the girls find ways to navigate their own challenges and situations can speak a word to us about how we too can navigate our own situations.”

The former athlete also explains the importance of friendships and how a particular friend in her life was a huge safe space for her. “In the opening of the book, and the acknowledgments I talk about one of my friends who died a week after I signed the book contract. Just the effect he had

THE SQUEEZE

BLACK GIRLS HAVE STORIES TOO.

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON AND IN BARNES AND NOBLE

KHRISTILAURENADAMS.COM

catch flights, not feelings BY NZINGHA FLORENCE

s I am entering my 20th year on this earth, a valuable lesson I have learned is that traveling is one of the best ways to get over a broken heart. I recently took a trip to Manhattan, New York with a group of friends and came back more self-aware and confident than ever. For the first time in a long time, I knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted to live my life, regardless of what had happened in the past. With each new experience, I was given more clarity that I could never settle for less than what I deserve again. I know you’re wondering how a four day trip to SoHo and Times Square could have given me this much enlightenment, but it wasn’t about the location or amount of time. It was about the emotion I felt being utterly and completely focused on myself and doing things for me, nobody else. An inexplicable joy is produced when you’re exploring a new place, almost like a dopamine rush. With each new food eaten and trendy clothing item bought, you start to think wow, maybe life doesn’t suck so much all the time. I have come to the conclusion that traveling is a form of self-love, and here’s why. First and foremost, the generation before us has instilled this idea that millennials and gen-Z babies need to be married, with our first kid on the way by the time we’re 26. It also doesn’t help that social media shoves beautiful relationships down our throats, making us single people wish we were them. Everything in society is centered around sex, love, and money. Therefore, when we don’t have one, we crave the other to fill the void. I’m here to tell you that your end all be all goal in life should not be finding the perfect relationship or marriage even, especially during your 20s. Your 20s are the prime time to make mistakes and learn more about yourself, not dedicate your entire existence to finding love. We put so much pressure on ourselves based on this cultural formality that if we’re single, we’re obviously lonely. That, my friends, is a lie.

THE SQUEEZE

My approach on being single is that it’s a time to not only fall more in love with yourself, but discover new passions, cultivate stronger friendships, and travel, travel, travel. Think about it this way, the world could end at any moment based on today’s political and environmental climate. Why waste precious time in an unhealthy relationship or lamenting over your ex when you could be booking a flight to Bali or Barcelona? I’m not saying that heartbreak is easy, it’s going to be very, very hard. But what I am saying is to focus on what you can control after a failed romantic situation: your attitude, your paycheck, and the love you have for yourself. There’s always this pressure that we’ll mess up or it’s never the right time, but that’s just fear hindering us from living our best lives. If you’re thinking about taking that trip, do it! If the money’s not there, be patient and wait until you do have the resources to make that move. But I strongly encourage that you dedicate this year to yourself and travel somewhere you’ve never been before. It doesn’t even have to be somewhere as extravagant as Greece or Thailand, it could be the next state over. Stop and ask yourself, “What’s holding me back?” Is it fear of the unknown? A relationship? Your disbelief that you can make it happen? Nothing worthwhile has ever come without risk, so you might as well take that leap of faith. This is why I advise you to catch flights rather than catch feelings. Take the time out to explore the world and more importantly, explore yourself. HERE ARE 5 APPS THAT CAN HELP YOU FIND THE CHEAPEST FLIGHTS 1. HOPPER 2. SKYSCANNER 3. KIWI 4. MOMONDO 5. SKIPLAGGED

claiming your happiness

BY RAMONA ROBERTS

CREDITED TO SINCERELYMONA.COM

ow often do we let the fear of disappointment control what we allow ourselves to be happy about? For me, often. So often that it was almost 2nd nature. Our previous experiences of disappointment have scared us so much that we don’t even allow ourselves to just soak in our joy because we don’t know how long that joy will last. We may be thinking we’re protecting ourselves, but we are really doing ourselves more damage. Let’s think about how common this really is. We make ourselves feel the disappointment before we even know the final result of the situation. “I got accepted but I’m not sure how I’ll pay for it” “They’re feeling better, but I’m not sure how long it’ll last” “I got a job, but I don’t think I’ll like it” “I applied, but they probably won’t hire me” We swear we aren’t superstitious but will give the idea of “jinx” some real live power. Jinx is just an excuse to not be bold and proclaim out loud what you want! Life is too short to not ever try God, trust God, or allow God to work miracles in your life. Failure, disappointment, sadness and every

other emotion we try to avoid are temporary to how we choose to think and perceive what life throws our way. I didn’t get the job and I wallowed in that disappointment for a long time. But once I realized I wasn’t dead, life was still going on, blessings still flowing and all of this available joy, I realized I gave that negative shit way too much power. Not only did I get another opportunity, but it also took me to the very place I said I wanted to go and connected me with the very people I said I wanted to meet. God’s power is as real as we allow it to be in our minds. We are human and bound to have initial emotional responses to things we encounter in life, and that includes the good, the bad, and the disappointing. But once you realize that the lasting phase of disappointment is you mentally not moving forward, then you realize your power. Disappointment is as depressing as you make it. Stop letting it control what you do and don’t go after, as well as limiting your belief that what you ask for can really happen. Be patient with God’s timing and enjoy the journey.

music

mat te rs//

what happened to BY IMANI HENDRICK

n a state of constant evolution, music continues to act as a bridge between life’s joys and sorrows. It brings people together like never before and it has acted as a universal language for centuries. In the Black community, we’ve seen many aspects of our history embody a constant cycle of struggle and rebirth. Rhythm and Blues (or R&B as we call it) is no exception and has developed significantly through each decade. What was once a collection of melancholy songs packed with stories of forced separation between identity and freedom, slowly turned into what we know it as today; a love language.

1949 In 1949 due to some controversy, the term “race music” in the mainstream was replaced with “R&B” by Jerry Wexler of Atlantic Records. It was now the umbrella term for any music composed of African Americans from gospel to jazz, and even including early sounds of Rock and Roll. Some highlights of this time were Julia Lee & Her Boy Friends, Snatch and Grab it (Billboard #1 for 12 weeks), The Huckle-Buck by Paul Williams and His Hucklebuckers as well as various songs by Louis Jordan and his Tympany Five.

Many identified R&B as “singing in the rain” during the 90’s and early 2000’s. However it honestly starts way before this era. I would like to take you on a little trip back in time if you will.

1920s - 1930s

1950s

In the 1920s through the late 1930s music composed and performed by African Americans was labeled as race music. This term was first published in a popular African American Newspaper called the Chicago Defender and became the description for jazz, blues, and gospel at the time as they were heavily influenced by race relations.

As the 50s rolled around Ray Charles steps onto the scene bringing a new kind of sound that came to be known as Soul. His song “Baby, Let me hold your hand” was his first charting record in 1951 while signed to Swing Time Records. A while after in 1954 “I’ve Got a Woman” (Sampled in Kanye West’s Gold Digger in 2005) was recorded. Some other Legends of this time were B.B King and Little Richard.

THE SQUEEZE

singing in the rain? 1960s

1990s

In height of the Civil Rights Movement, we move into a time where once again awareness music was being mass-produced. On the flip side in the 1960s, one can recall the golden era of Marvin Gaye, The Isley Brothers, Etta James, and The Supremes to name a few. As this decade came to a close, the Grammys added the “Best R&B” award in 1969 with Otis Redding becoming its first recipient.

Now here we are in the 90s or what most call the best Era of R&B and the reign of L.A. Reid of LaFace Records. During this decade and trickling into the 2000s, we are introduced to the soundtrack of our millennial upbringing. Artists such as Bobby Brown, Usher, Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu, Dru Hill, D’Angelo, TLC, Jodeci, Aaliyah and so many more were introduced. Sadly as the 2000s came around the R&B Charts suffered a great decline.

1970s During the 70s we see the demise of the sultry funk and disco turn into the emergence of hip hop with the hit record “ Rappers Delight” by the Sugar Hill Gang in 1979.

1980s The next decade (the ’80s) would be of great experimentation with hits like “Cool it Now” by New Edition, “Love Come Down” by Evelyn Champagne King. “Atomic Dog” by George Clinton, and Sades “The Sweetest Taboo.”

Because of the many faces that R&B has taken on through the years, I think that in 2020, there is still hope. The misconception is really coming from what the rain is. What used to be known as R&B has now transformed into Millennial love stories full of sliding in DMs and late-night rendezvous. Having said that, art cannot be confined or defined to a box. For this reason I believe singing in the rain is alive and well. SOME ARTISTS TO WATCH Here are a few new and maybe not so new artists that give me some hope that R&B is not dead. - LUCKY DAYE - VANJESS - SNOH AALEGRA - FRANK OCEAN - ARI LENNOX - SIR - BRENT FAIYAZ

THE SQUEEZE

blackity black playlist Giving you all the vibes to celebrate black history month the right way.

available on apple music + spotify #GetYaHistoryOn

the perfect love song BY ISAIAH BLACKSTON

“T

he one for whom you’d give your very life could be taken in the twinkling of an eye.” A quote from the great Stevie Wonder that gives me chills every time. I mean, what better way to be reminded about love than to be told how you take it for granted? Now, this is not out of the norm for Mr. Wonder. Stevie always has a way of taking concepts that we deem ourselves to be familiar with, causing us to look at them from a different perspective. However, when talking about love, the song, “These Three Words” takes the cake. This song speaks about love from all aspects. It speaks to the nurturing love between parents and their children. It speaks to the understanding of love between siblings. It speaks to the patience of love between partners.

appreciated them, so that alone gives me comfort. That alone wipes away feelings of guilt or regret, and makes room for positivity and genuine love. “Ones you say you cherish every day can instantly be taken away. Then, you say I know this can’t be true, when you never took the time, to simply tell them I love you.” This song is a warning and a reminder. Every day we see that we have no control over how life may turn. However, we do have control over how we show our love and appreciation to each other while we are still here.

Often times, we as people like to assume that the other person should just know we love them. It’s as if we have a pass to treat them however we want, talk to them however we want, and at the end of the day we just say, “They know we love them.” But what if it’s not that simple? What if no matter how hard life becomes, just hearing those words could make their day better? Stevie said those three simple words always kindle an aching heart to smile inside. This song holds a special place in my heart for a couple of reasons. One reason is simply that it was my mother’s favorite Stevie Wonder song. Another reason is that I can relate to it, and speak from experience. I lost both parents at a young age, and grief isn’t easy. Friends often ask me “when does the grieving stop,” and I tell them “I’m not sure if it will ever just stop.” There’s always going to be a song that makes you think about the loved one you lost. There’s always going to be a fragrance that reminds you of them. There’s always going to be a joke that brings their memory to the forefront of your mind, but the process gets easier. You learn to live with it. You learn to cherish, and remember the good times, and that’s how you keep them alive in your heart. Knowing that they knew you loved them, is a huge part of the process. I made sure both my mother and father knew I loved and

THE SQUEEZE

big bag

ta lk//

dating on a budget BY RAMONA ROBERTS

hat makes the perfect date? For some, it’s all in the details and price tag, while for others, it’s all about the intent and time together. Both are logical standards and represent real people. There’s nothing wrong with spending some extra money to make a date extra special, however, not all of us may have the money to provide the fanciest date. There are ways to make dates memorable and magical without running your pockets dry or overspending. With that, here are a few tips to help us all date on a budget. 1. Choose Unique Locations It’s not about how expensive the place is, but the experience it can provide. Some of the best restaurants aren’t the upscale 5-star type, but family businesses or small community staples. Most of the time people go, not just because the food is great, but because the atmosphere, service and overall experience is special. This goes well beyond restaurants and can relate to museums, skating rinks, theatres, etc. Choosing a location with something special about it shows your effort (which, by the way, is always attractive). 2. Bring the Date to You If you are blessed with your own space, hosting a date at home is a good money saver. However, it can come off really tacky if you don’t execute it correctly. Make sure your home is clean and presentable. If you can’t cook, order something nice (no Chinese). Some wine or champagne would be a nice touch as well. Try making an actual plan for the night so it doesn’t seem like a typical “Netflix and chill.” Activities like baking together while watching a tutorial, karaoke singalong on youtube, card & board games, and even 2k can make for a fun and memorable night.

3. Groupon I know coupons can come off tacky. But in my opinion, Groupon is definitely the exception. It’s a great tool to find deals for dates that typically may be more expensive. Groupon has everythingfrom a trip to the spa, Sky Zone, or even go karts. It’s even a great way to find different dates that are out of the box and unique. 4. Research Research Research There is always something happening, you just have to know about it. Here’s an easy tip: Google. There ar a lot of things happening in your area or cities nearby. You can also access your local news outlets or radio stations to find updates on events, concerts, fairs, and so much more. It is also a good idea to get some information on your date. I’m not saying stalk their social media, but learn about them, their interests and what they like to do. We should know by now that none of us are good at mind-reading. Make an effort to learn your date and by doing so, choosing things to do will be a lot easier. 5. Be Spontaneous Last but not least, keep your boo on their toes. I personally love a spontaneous date and I know I’m not the only one. There’s a good amount of us that love a phone call starting with “Get dressed, we’re going out” or “I’m outside.” Surprise dates are a great way to keep the focus on the adventure of the date, rather than how fancy the date actually is. Another idea is adding some creativity to your spontaneous approach. All in all, dating is supposed to be fun and focused on enjoying each other’s time. This is just a reminder there are ways to do that in a financially stable way.

THE SQUEEZE

protect your property

WITH INTELLIGENT VIDEO SURVEILLANCE CORPORATION Providing premier security and surveillance service for 45+ YEARS for COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL properties. Now selling: RING Home Security System

INTELLIGENTSURV.COM

loving yourself by preserving your wealth BY ANTHONY PERRY

ith Valentine’s Day being the highlighted event of February, love is at the top of everyone’s mind. Around this time we’re focused on showing our affection to our current bae, but when is the last time we made time to show love to ourselves? When we think about selflove, we often associate it with spoiling ourselves through pampering, gifts, and PTO days. But it’s really about discipline such as motivating yourself to hit the gym or following up with your therapist.

Leverage applications like MInt to track where you are spending just to get a better understanding of how your money is moving. If you prefer to DIY, pull up an excel sheet and map out your consistent spending. No matter the resource you choose to leverage, track your spending.

One aspect of self-love that’s often overlooked relates to your financial health and wellness. “Save 10% of every check” “Pay yourself first” “Invest” “Buy back the block.” These phrases are ingrained in us, but we still struggle with the execution. Why? Similar to getting to the gym weekly, following up with your therapist, or even standing firm on the boundaries you have set for yourself, it’s tough to remain consistent. Discipline is key.

Investing does not have to be intimidating. Despite all the charts, graphs and random terms like alpha and beta, you don’t have to be the Wolf of Wallstreet to make your money work for you.

However, many of the steps related to your finances can be automated. While it is still important for us to address our inability to be disciplined, our finances don’t have to suffer while we fight that uphill battle. Below are a few resources and guidelines I use to improve my financial health. Rule 1: Set It Up & Forget About It Set up a second savings account. Automate direct deposit (5-10% of your check). Forget about it. As my mom used to say, “Out of sight, out of mind.” When we see the dollars in front of us we are more tempted to spend them, no matter how good our intentions. Be real, how many times have you dipped into your savings account and transferred $50, $100 or even more to one, buy things you didn’t need or two, replace the money you needed because you spent it on something you didn’t need. Regardless of your reason, it can be a problem. By adding a second savings account with automated deposits, you take one step closer to financial health and ultimately self-love.

Rule 3: Invest. Invest. Invest. “I want to invest but know nothing about the market or stocks or any of that stuff. It’s frustrating.”

1. Set up a brokerage account e.g., TD Ameritrade, Robinhood, Charles Schwab 2. Fund the account with as little as $100 3. Invest in the S&P 500 (Ticker: INDEXSP) or your favorite companies (Nike, Disney, Starbucks, Microsoft, etc.) 4. Pay attention to the news around the company, e.g., does Microsoft plan on launching a new Xbox? What are the reviews of the product? How do you think sales will perform? 5. Most importantly, let the money sit, you are not a day trader, allow time and the money you invested to work for you Note: Just like your journey with self-love, there will be both ups and downs with your investments; however, over time those investments that you make both personally and financially will trend upward. Preserving Wealth isn’t easy, it’s hard work. But taking strides to alleviate the stress associated with finances grants you more time to dedicate to yourself and the people you love. Just take one step today and make it count. And then another next week. And so on and so forth. Soon you’ll realize that it’s always been about the journey and not the destination. Today is the day you begin to love yourself in new ways.

Rule 2: Know Where Your Bread is Going Hulu: $5.99 / Month Netflix: $8.99 / Month Disney: $6.99 / Month It’s important that you put thought into what you are spending your money on. People are always shocked when they realize how much money they are pouring out over time. For example, if you hit Starbucks every day for your $5 latte, you will spend $150 dollars by the end of the month or $1800 on coffee by the end of the year (trust me $1800 worth of coffee ain’t that damn good).

THE SQUEEZE

we are the

cu ltu re//

GRAB A GLASS OF WINE AND COME CHAT WITH YOUR NEW BESTIES!

PODCAST WITH MELYSSA FORD & BLUE TELUSMA NEW EPISODES AVAILABLE TUESDAYS AT 10AMPST//1PMEST

V @IM.HEREFORTHEFOOD

why she doesn't want to date you A message dedicated to confused men in the world BY RAMONA ROBERTS

o all the young men who feel that one girl just isn’t giving you a chance or refuses to take you seriously. For the men who want to know why they can’t get a text back, or answers to their 12 am facetime calls...This is for you. I know most men like to describe women as complicated creatures. But on the contrary, we keep it pretty simple and very straightforward when it comes to what we want, expect and appreciate. A lot of times, when it comes to taking these men seriously, we just don’t have time for the bullsh*t. But let me not go too into detail about my opinion. Instead, I went to the people and came prepared to provide you with testimonies and receipts. I had the opportunity to interview a variety of women (age range of 19-35) who are either in a relationship or single. Of this group of women, there were many similar statements and points explaining why they choose not to date or move forward with a guy. I narrowed it down to seven different themes: Drive, Approach, Effort, Communication, Consistency, Interest, and Respect. This article is not to bash men, but to educate them on how we feel and what we are thinking. Thank us later. Here are some of the things they had to say.

THE SQUEEZE

Drive: If you not tryna build with me, then I don’t want you. “Some guys just come off that they aren’t about anything. Like no goals or just comfortable with bullsh*tting. I’m not talking about lack of education I’m talking about work ethic and willingness to hustle. Your drive and motivation is a must.” Jessica, 28, Single “No ambition...I’m taking steps every day to better myself mentally, physically, financially, spiritually, but what are you doing? I’m just supposed to let you be around taking up space, giving you my time and good energy? Nahh.. lol I’m good.” Keturah, 22, Single “I strongly believe that the company you surround yourself with matters. If I feel like the people around aren’t good influences then I am going to assume you partake in the same activities as them.” Anonymous “If I ask you what are your short term goals and you say “ah you know what I’m saying.” IF YOU START WITH “AH YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING,” you’re about to lie and I’m not here for it. You need to have goals and aspirations for yourself. You need to believe in yourself. Even if you don’t believe in yourself all the time. Like we too grown to be talking about ‘oh I don’t know what I want to do.’ Bruh, figure it out.” Khrystina, 25, Single “I’m hugely turned off by men that ask me for money. I don’t need you to take care of me because I’m self-sufficient, but what I WON’T DO is take care of you.” Danielle, 24, Single

THE SQUEEZE

Approach: Ayo, Ma! “Anytime a guy makes me feel that I have to be ready to commit to him more, be ready to give him a certain amount of attention that I feel like I don’t owe him, then I’m turned off.” Adrienne, 25, Relationship “I’m more of a personality person instead of a money/materialistic person so if you think just buying me things will get me easily, it’s a turn off. I’m looking for someone to build with.” Shalla, 23, Relationship “The whole ‘when you gonna let me take you out’ is a big one because I want you to tell me. The approach is huge, so tell me what you’d like to do. Then I can answer with a ‘yes’ or ‘I’m not interested.’ But, have a plan. A huge turnoff is guys being grown males but not grown men. A man will lead with confidence and security and a woman will follow, honestly.” Danielle, Single

effort:

consistency:

You tryna pull up to the crib?

My fault… I was knocked

“If a guy does want to meet up, come to me with some sort of plans, a date and time, SOMETHING that shows that you ACTUALLY want me to give you a chance, and not just pull up to yo crib for “Netflix and Chill.” I’m grown; I’m dating with purpose, not childishness.” Deiona, 27, Single

“Text messaging is not consistent communication to me, I text everybody, I text my mama every day. If you’re talking about getting to know me as a person, consistency requires a lot more communication than just a text message with a ‘WYD’.” Chloe, 25, Relationship

“What turns me off about dating a guy is when they assume that getting you is so easy. Men without intention are a nuisance. If you say you want me and all this, then show me. Actions have always spoken louder than words.” ShaMyra, Single

“Not keeping your word is a big turn off to me. So if you say that we’re going on a date and on the day off, I don’t hear from you, then you’re not a man of your word. Especially if we set up the day, time, and location.” Nicolette, 24, Relationship

“If you’re too pressed too early to where you make me feel like you just want someone, or you just want a girlfriend you don’t even care if it’s me... you’re not even taking the time to get to know me. You just want to do things with me. It also goes back to people liking the ‘idea of you.’ People seeing you, what you look like on the outside, what you’re doing...rather than them getting to know you and finding out if they actually like you and the person that you are.” Ebony, 24, Single

“Ultimately, don’t ask for my time and then waste it. I do a fine job of that by myself at times I don’t need help in that department. If you are not looking for anything serious say that and let me decide if I’m with the shits or not. Honestly, if men were more upfront about what they wanted they’d be surprised at the reaction and responses of a woman...Just keep it 100!!” Emoney, 35, Single

“It’s honestly if the guy isn’t making time, it’s dead. Time is hugeeee for me - my life is constantly looking trying to beat it, fake out, or gain more of it while others are sleep. So because I’m always “on go,” when I dedicate my heart to a relationship, that time is still valuable. If I can make time in my day for you, you better be making time for me too. Shit must be reciprocated.” Jocelynn, 25, Single

“I’m not playing hard to get, it’s literally a matter of respect. If you don’t respect me enough to just check on me and my well being then there is nothing that’s going to transpire from that. Friendship is the most important thing or just having a good relationship with somebody. People get caught up in titles and everything but people miss the fundamentals or foundation of just communicating with people.” Rachel, 26, Complicated

THE SQUEEZE

communication: “Hey babe, I’ll be busy today but I’ll text you later tonight.” “I’m very observant— If I see that a guy has interests in other women, is not good at communicating (and has no plans to improve), I’m good. If I spend time with him and see a demonic side, I’m out. If I’m with him and my body is giving me signals of extreme nervousness and anxiety (body literally shaking), that’s a sign that he is not for me. Akilah “If you don’t like her, tell her. Seriously, TELL ME WHAT’S UP. I’m gonna tell you if I’m not feeling you, or I don’t want to go out on another date, I’m going to tell you. Just like ‘yall have plenty of women to pursue, same thing goes for us, we not tripping.” Erin, 24, Single “When texting, you have to develop a pattern. Like a rhythm between you and this person because according to their work schedule. If they don’t even establish a pattern, if they don’t establish a rhythm with me, then it’s over. It’s clipped. I’m not doing it.” Khrystina, 25, Single

where I’m coming from or not meet me in the middle or try to hear me or understand and feel me...or... don’t want to talk about it because they disagree, I be tf over it.” SynClaire, 24, single “Don’t try and make a woman feel like she did something wrong and she’s crazy when she’s having a valid reaction...We can get emotional but don’t think our reaction isn’t valid! Take it seriously and at least process what I’m saying. Try to answer that and then we can have a conversation versus you just trying to blow it off or flipping it.” Erin, 24, Single “I don’t like n*ggas who aren’t in touch with their own emotions. N*ggas love entertaining this rhetoric of “nah I’m not upset” but be damn near pouting. Nah n*gga, break those generational and institutional chains that you can’t feel and be candid with me.” Danielle, 24, Single

“They make assumptions as to what we want. You don’t know what I want until you sit there and ask me what I want and I give you a valid response. So stop assuming what I want from you.” Ebony, 24, Single “I need a man whose able to disagree with me or disagree with other people and still have a sense of understanding of what that other person is speaking or sharing...if you can’t understand

THE SQUEEZE

interest: Do I even like you!? “People I typically turn away are men I’ve been involved with in some from before. So, like, I’ll try to seriously talk to them at some point in life, they f*ck up, then they come back years later for another chance. I’m trying to be better about saying no to them.” Danielle, 24, Single “It depends on the stage in my life where I am. I could just be in a stage where I just don’t want to date. There was a point in my life where I didn’t feel like entertaining, I didn’t feel like dating. Not that it was the guy, but I just wasn’t interested in the process. Because as soon as you meet a guy, of course, you gotta get to know him, learn what he likes, strengths, weaknesses, as he does with you, but there was a point where I just did not want to do that. Rachel, 26, Complicated “I just don’t feel anything there. After the first date or second, I can usually tell how I am feeling about someone and if I’m not feeling the vibe it’s a dub. Like every relationship that I have been in has really just been spontaneous and I didn’t see it coming so I hate dating bc I feel like I’m seeking out to find someone. Like best believe everyone who I “gave a chance” to I already knew I didn’t like them and it didn’t work out.” Taylor, 24, Single

past the talking stage.” Anonymous “Friendzone. Off rip, girls pretty much know if they would consider dating you...ever. People that be trying to hop outside the friendzone, stay your ass in the friend zone, I’m a friendly b*tch. I like friends, none of yall want to be my damn friend but if you’re in the friend zone, most likely you’re going to stay in that friend zone.” Ebony, 24, Single “If I see any sign that you are a man who doesn’t know how to lead it’s a no. My overall goal is marriage, Godly submission, etc. so even if you aren’t my husband I still expect to learn and grow from our interaction. I don’t interact with men who aren’t ‘big enough’ to ‘cover me.’” Janelle, Single ”You’re a nice guy but you’re not nice for me. Your energy is good it’s positive but it just doesn’t mesh with mine. You have to be compatible as well...it’s nothing wrong with you or your energy or who you are, it just does not fit me, personally. Just like I might not be a man’s cup of tea.” Rachel, 26, Complicated

“As a believer, I think it’s important to be with a partner that shares the same values as you spiritually. My faith is an essential and crucial part of my daily life and if I don’t share that aspect with a prospective partner then it usually doesn’t get

THE SQUEEZE

respect: R-E-S-P-ECT “If you don’t respect your mama, I don’t want you. If you have babies you don’t take care of, I don’t want you. If you a hotep a*s n*gga, I don’t want you. If you into the wave, men naturally cheat...I don’t want you.” Jessica, 28, Single “I feel like if we are not seriously dating, we have an understanding we’re single and interested in other people and feeling people out if you lie to me about small sh*t I feel like you’re actually going to lie to me about more serious shit should we ever make it to a real relationship.” SynClaire, 24, Single

scum of the earth RUN AWAY! That basically means that they’re still the heart and they still haven’t addressed the situation with themselves or with somebody else and you don’t need that baggage. Watch how they talk about other people, and to themselves. If they bring themselves down all the time...we too grown for this sh*t.” Khrystina, 25, Single

“Don’t wait until the last minute to ask me to go out, I have my own life and schedule.” Tiffany, 29, Relationship “If I feel like a guy is only interested in one aspect of me [turn off]. Whether it just be for sex or in my case, being Greek. N*ggas really use to try to use their letters as a way in. Also, if I feel like they are all talk but no action behind their words.” Chanah, 24, Engaged “If they refer to me as queen or princess, I will not date them. I am def pampered but we’re not gonna get sarcastic or poke fun about how I carry myself. It’s not a joke, it’s a lifestyle. Oh and lastly, that split the bill sh*t. Absolutely not. Oh and that, what do you bring to the table? I am the room, sir. We not dating.” Tremana, 30, Men Don’t deserve me “If somebody talks about their ex like their the

Safe to say, take note.

THE SQUEEZE

what is it like to be a black woman in america? BY DEIONA MONROE

CREDITED TO HEYCOFFEEBREAK.COM

ven with all that we go through, there is absolutely nothing that would shift me into thinking that I would ever want to be anything other than a woman who is black. I say anything because one, I wouldn’t want to be a man and two, I wouldn’t want to be anything but Black. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love men— especially my melanin brothers. However, it doesn’t compare to being a woman I mean…look at us! Being Black is unmatched. No matter how much we’ve been ridiculed and burdened, Black people are impenetrable. As a race, we’ve been stripped of our livelihood on so many occasions, but regardless we still rise. Now, take the woman, add the black. And Boom, fabulous creation. With being so uniquely awesome, you’d think there would be no issues that come with being a black woman. We see so much appropriation of our style, culture, even down to our physical features, that you’d think we’d be admired so much more—unfortunately, we’re not. Though loved, we are hated at the same time. This brings me to point one. BEING A BLACK WOMAN MEANS IMITATED, BUT NEVER APPRECIATED.

BEING

In America, for whatever reason, the originator never receives as much acknowledgment as the copier. Throughout history, we see endless images, articles, newspaper spreads, ads, campaigns…so many things that ridiculed our appearance. Now, the most desired bodily features and attitudes are the ones of the ridiculed black woman. Plump hips, onion booty and the full lips are the soughtafter images…but only after it was gentrified. We see so many women of non-color who are idolized for buying these features; but the natural

owners…we get no respect. Of course, I love all my females and am happy that I don’t need to purchase anything but DAMN, is it really that hard to give us credit when credit is due? Did people forget where these images came from? And don’t get me wrong, there are those who show nothing but praise and admiration for the original creations, but, then there are those who are more satisfied with appropriation. Though I am often imitated—as Jay-z once told us of himself—it is impossible for the black woman to be duplicated. Indeed, some may have successfully accomplished looking like a black woman, but, they will never authentically be a black woman. Yeah, yeah, y’all may be able to look like us, but you’ll never be real. People can make themselves into a false copy and be adored for it, but in the end, it is just so flattering. BEING A BLACK WOMAN MEANS I’LL ALWAYS WORK 2X AS HARD. I’m far from lazy, but honestly, it really gets me tight to know that I have to go above and beyond and then some—for even the simplest things— simply because of my sexual orientation and the amount of melanin in my pigmentation. History has clearly illustrated how African-Americans and women had little to no rights or say into how the criminal justice system was organized or how the laws were established and enforced. Being a black woman, it’s like having rights and dignity stripped away twice as much. The good thing about this: the black woman has always proven to be strong. No matter how much turmoil we’ve faced, we always overpower and get the job done; I know you’ve seen the memes. Time and time again, the black woman has been

THE SQUEEZE

responsible for getting things done and keeping everything in order. And quite honestly, I see myself having to work twice as hard as a challenge, not a barrier. I, being a black woman, am such a threat and because of how powerful I am, it only makes sense that things would be made much more complicated for me. And that’s fine because the black woman always prevails. BEING A BLACK WOMAN MEANS I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO LOVE MYSELF. Everyone should love themselves and love others and never forget to do both. However—from what I’ve noticed over the years—the ones who bring themselves down the most are people of color, especially women of color. In this country, it’s easy for someone to not like who they are or what they look like—for a while, “black” wasn’t seen or displayed as beautiful; none of the models or actors on TV were of color. As time progressed, we saw more color appear, but not in their natural state. Women of color were pressured to be lighter, have straight, long hair, dress a particular way, even walk a certain way. The real black woman was undesirable. But now, look at us! As I mentioned before, we are envied; even when others try to bring us down, we always have to remember that black is beautiful. I didn’t when I was younger, but my growth has made me love myself—my natural self—WAY more. From my kinky-coily curls, to my skin being 6 different shades of brown because I don’t properly tan…I love it all. I make sure that I know that I am a beautiful black woman and that I deserve nothing but love. “We must reject not only the stereotypes that others have of us, but also those that we have of ourselves.” - Shirley Chisholm There are a deal of hardships and strongholds that come with being a black woman, but those things are the reason why I LOVE being a black woman. When I was younger, I couldn’t fully comprehend the power we have, the change we have made and the accomplishments we have achieved. It warms my soul when I see a sister doing her thang. MAN…IT’S GREAT TO BE A BLACK WOMAN.

THE SQUEEZE

SPREADING POSITIVITY + GIVING BACK TO OUR COMMUNITY.

we got your black COMING SOON.

V @WEGOTYOURBLACK

figures of

love

BY NZINGHA FLORENCE

t’s no surprise that when many people think of love and how they perceive that emotion, they can easily relate it to the delicacy, creativity, and beauty of art. Black art specifically, is something that has brought the black community together for generations, whether that be theater, poetry, or actual handmade creations. Virgil Abloh’s “Figures of Speech’’ exhibit in Atlanta, Georgia’s very own High Museum does just that, and I was lucky enough to be a witness to it. Abloh is known as the creative director for Louis Vuitton’s menswear, as well as the founder of the fashion label Off-White. The exhibit includes a multitude of mass media projects, ranging from portraits of a young black boy in designer clothes, to 3D entities placed in the middle of the floor. Each part of the exhibit is done with intention, creating an aesthetically pleasing space where modern fashion can be expressed visually. Abloh’s work automatically became a must-see exhibit in the High Museum of Atlanta, especially with it being in the primary city of black entrepreneurship and success. Knowing this, I wasn’t surprised to be surrounded by my black and brown brothers and sisters as I viewed the exhibit alongside them. Each form of black love that exists, I saw. Whether it was between brother and sister, mother and daughter, two partners, or a pair of best friends. Every type of relationship was brought together for their sole love for black art as well as their love for each other. For many artists, love and passion are the main driving forces when creating their work. It’s not uncommon that black artists will build on the black experience, as well as their own personal experiences, and incorporate it into their art. Virgil Abloh, being a black man and creating such a dynamic space for other black individuals to be inspired, is why many people I interviewed expressed a love for black art.

is a Sophomore student at Spelman College who has just started her own magazine called “Looks Magazine” where she features the Atlanta University Center Students with the best style. She was joined by her Morehouse brother to view the exhibit, and she discovered how much Abloh’s love for architecture influenced his art. “In the fashion industry, black people don’t have a lot of spaces. Virgil, creating his own space, is opening the door for other artists and we can all be on top together,” As I continued to walk around, I saw the different forms of black love and companionship coming to view this one exhibit. I wondered if the people around me could answer this simple yet complicated question: Could black love also be considered a form of black art? “Black love should always be considered black art, and it deserves to be showcased all the time,” says Mills. In addition to asking my fellow Spelman sister, I noticed many black couples were present at the exhibit. One couple I talked with explained that love is an art in general, but black love is such a beautiful thing and more different than anything else. “We as black people have been through so much, and not to say that black love is rare, but black love is important. It’s important to have and important to love each other.” Similar to black art, black love deserves to be acknowledged in the same magnitude, especially because it can bring the community together to view such things as Virgil Abloh’s exhibit. “Black art brings black people together because we all can relate to what Abloh is saying,” says Henry Watson, another onlooker of the exhibit who was accompanied by his best friend, Keante Ward. The two friends had been waiting for the exhibit to open for a while and were excited to finally experience it together. As you can see, regardless of whether it’s platonic love or romantic love, black art holds the power to bring black people together through their love for art as well as their love for each other.

Kiersten Mills, another observer of the exhibit,

THE SQUEEZE

through the lens:

The Toxic Reality of Our Favorite Black Films BY EBONY PITTS

hen you think of Black Love, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it your grandparents that have been married for 50 years, your favorite celebrity couple or maybe even your current relationship? Regardless of your response, our perspective of love not only comes from our experiences but also the media we consume. For me personally, movies and music have played a significant role in how I interpret, give and receive love. As a 90â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s baby in love with all things black-produced during that time period, black love movies such as The Best Man, Love & Basketball and Love Jones, have had a large influence on my ideas of love. But what is it about these films that make them staples in the black community? Are they accurate representations of black love? Are they still relevant today? Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s take a look through the lens of some of our favorite black love films. Disclaimer: the intention is not to ruin our favorite movies but to think a little deeper into some of the messages being portrayed and how we can work together as a community toward having healthier relationships.

THE SQUEEZE

The Best Man: The Glorified “Ride or Die” Morris Chestnut, Taye Diggs, Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan and Terrance Howard ... need I really say much more than “what an amazing cast!” The Best Man explores the dynamic between a group of college friends that reunite for a wedding. Lance Sullivan (played by Morris Chestnut) is the groom and dreamy football player. From the moment Lance is introduced into the movie, his character is idolized for being charming and successful. He remains true to an older standard of men who believe that a man should be the provider of the household while the woman takes care of the home (thankfully we have evolved from this mentality).

toxic rt ale

Although he has been around the block a few times, he values the ideals of marriage rooted in his religion and from observing his parents’ marriage. The love between Lance and his bride, Mia, appears to be perfect as he openly expresses his feelings, prioritizes her needs regardless of the obstacle and is completely protective over her. This is what women want right? We soon come to find out before Lance became this “Prince Charming,” throughout their relationship he’s had his share of infidelities. The whole premise of the movie revolves around Lance’s best man Harper Stewart (played by Taye Diggs), who wrote a book sharing his secret relations with Mia.

her for marriage. Does marriage mean that a man will be loyal? Does a woman ever fully forgive a man for his indiscretions? How does someone truly heal from this? Once Lance found out Mia had been unfaithful herself, he was ready to call off the marriage altogether. So here we go with the double standard that women should forgive a man for his infidelity but men are not as willing to forgive a woman. Of course this is not always the case but we are speaking of the situation as it is displayed in this movie. Ultimately, these are questions that we have to ask ourselves in the black community when it comes to love because men and women should be held to the same standard in terms of being faithful in a relationship. If you don’t value, respect and cherish your relationship before marriage, will those vows really stand strong through the test of time?

A misconception for black women when it comes to their love experience involves suffering first and being glorified later. This does not necessarily mean women expect their significant other to cheat, but with it being so common, it is almost a subconscious thought as a possibility. This is clearly a recurring theme in the black community when it comes to love and it is definitely still relevant today. Often times we see women stay with men who have been unfaithful especially if they have celebrity status, such a professional athlete or music artist, as if it is an excuse for this behavior. It seems the more a woman stays “down” with a man through all of this then it contributes to her being that “ride or die” type therefore qualifying

THE SQUEEZE

Love & Basketball: Selfish vs. Selfless Now this next one had all of us thinking that we would have this childhood love story and if you were like me, it also had you thinking that you could really play basketball. “Love and Basketball” is a story about two childhood friends who dream of playing professional basketball and fall in love with each other along the way. Monica Wright (played by Sanaa Lathan) and Quincy McCall (played by Omar Epps) begin their love-hate relationship at age 11 when they each express their hopes of playing in the NBA. Following them throughout high school, we see the double standard of female athletes versus male athletes in terms of status, behavior and talent. It takes Monica and Quincy each going to prom with other people to realize how they feel about each other. College was the true test to their relationship as Monica fought to prove herself, Quincy was the star player who was following in his father’s footsteps.

toxic rt ale

Once Quincy came to realize his father was not the man he perceived him to be his whole life, he began questioning things and struggling to find himself. At this point Monica had a choice to be there for Quincy during his time of need or leave to make her curfew set by her coach. Monica chose to leave in order to make curfew, after which Quincy resented her for this and began dating other people. Once they broke up, each of them took their own path to playing professional basketball. Monica played overseas while Quincy took his talents to the NBA. After tearing his ACL during a game, Monica returns to LA to visit Quincy in the hospital and to her surprise ends up meeting his fiancée. Monica realized basketball was not as valuable to her as it once was without Quincy in her life.

where they have to choose between their career/ passions and their relationship. Then, before even expressing how he felt about her decision, Quincy took it upon himself to date other people before even communicating with Monica, which was indeed selfish. On the contrary Monica had to take accountability for her decision and understand Quincy’s point of view. Although it would have been a sacrifice to miss curfew to stay with Quincy, it all comes down to what is worth more. As people, we often have to make difficult decisions in choosing ourselves or choosing those that we love. Personally, I believe when you love someone you would never require that person to choose you over themselves. If I ask you to choose me over yourself, then ultimately I am breaking you down to a point where you may resent me. Then of course, the scene that made the entire movie a classic was when Monica confronts Quincy about his relationship and asks him to play her for his heart. It was completely reckless for Monica to do this two weeks before Quincy’s wedding, but she knew where her heart was and wanted to fight for it. We were all devastated when Monica lost the game, thinking that there was no chance of them being together again until Quincy says, “double or nothing.” Now this right here is literally the definition of fighting for love. Often times we let our pride and fears get in the way of going after what we want therefore we settle. Settling has no place when it comes to love because your heart will never truly be happy. Your mind can convince you that you are happy but once you’ve experienced the depths of your heart feeling full, you’re doing a disservice to yourself to accept anything less than that. If there’s anything in life worth taking the risk for, it’s love.

Sounds beautiful right? Well let’s dive a little deeper into both of our characters here. Although Quincy may have felt like Monica should have chosen to stay with him instead of leaving to make her curfew, it was not fair for him to ask her to choose. Women are often put in situations

THE SQUEEZE

Love Jones: The Art of Playing Games “Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it’s about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her; When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who have been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they’re really saying is they’ve exhausted the possibility.” - Darius Lovehall. “Love Jones” follows the love lives of two young black creatives in Chicago during the 90’s. The main characters Nina Mosely (played by Nia Long) and Darius Lovehall (played by Lorenz Tate) meet at a poetry lounge of which Darius is a frequent performer. Moments after they met, he dedicated his poem to her titled A Blues for Nina. From that point, Darius went after Nina with the energy everyone should have when trying to pursue someone they are interested in. We follow the two as they go through the normal occurrences of dating and observe what happens when there is miscommunication. Where do I start with analyzing my girl Nina? Nina is a prime example of what happens when society shames you for expressing your feelings. Once her ex-fiance came back into her life, Nina began to question whether she should give things another chance with him or continue pursuing Darius. Instead of being honest and direct with Darius about her feelings, she posed the question for him to speak on how he feels about their situation. In fear that Nina would not feel the same as he does, he played it cool by saying they are “just kickin it.” In other words, he was suggesting things were casual between them so it was okay for her to explore a serious option with her ex. Nina hearing this of course, believed this was a casual situation for Darius and decided to leave to rekindle her old flame.

toxic rt ale

When Nina quickly realizes her heart truly is no longer with her ex, she returns to Chicago to catch up with Darius only to find him with another woman. To make matters worse, Nina then begins to date Darius’ friend. That’s a big no no,

THE SQUEEZE

sis. When things don’t work out with him, she returns to Darius to see if they can begin dating again. Things seem to be going well until Darius’ actions appear to be very sneaky which leads to Nina expressing her mistrust of him. After they break up, Nina leaves Chicago to clear her mind and accept a new job she has been offered. After some time she returns to collect the last of her things when she decides to stop by the poetry lounge. Nina, not noticing Darius was in the room, performs her piece finally expressing her true feelings. Nina…girl...your actions throughout this movie resonate with all of us, but this is not okay! We have all been in a place where we don’t want to be the first to express our feelings in fear of what the other person may say. I think the main point that we all miss here is when you are not honest about how you are feeling, you really end up cheating yourself. Yes, we all hate rejection and yes, we like to protect our hearts. However, love is reckless with no limits. It can’t be managed with our minds that are full of fear, doubt and societal constructs. It was not fair for Nina to explore things with her ex and expect Darius to be waiting for her to return. Once she left, she made a conscious decision to let Darius go. So, she had to be okay with him moving on in his own way. Then she dated his friend? Nina ... what did you expect to happen at this point? Were you actually interested or was this a ploy to get Darius back? To circle back to the larger issue, we need to stop with all of the mind games and just communicate. There shouldn’t be a strategy in communicating your feelings because it is more important for you to express yourself than it is for other people to receive your message. If everyone is hesitant with self expression then there would be no beauty in the world such as art and love. Nina Mosley: You always want what you want when you want it. Why is everything so urgent with you? Darius Lovehall: Let me tell you somethin’. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That’s urgent like a motherf*cker.

i found love in a hopeless place: the dm's

BY SHERDRAIN JOHNSON

o Gotti’s song “Down in the DM” is not only an anthem, but it’s a way of life. Well, maybe not for everyone. But sliding in the DMs shows great character. It also shows great courage because approaching a crush is no easy feat, inperson and online. In a Black Love Instagram poll, I asked participants if they were opposed to sliding in someone’s DMs. 49% of respondees said yes while 51% of brave souls disagreed, saying they were about that life. Of that 51%, almost half said that they had success in going on a date afterward. Here are some of their stories:

chloefrancena He’s my man now. We are going on 7 months. clarities_bliss We’re getting married.

leoness8 My best friend at the time told him that I liked him, so he slid in my myspace messages (ancient, I know) and we were talking for a good 2 months and then he FINALLY asked me out. I was elated. Fast forward almost 14 years, we are now married with a beautiful baby girl. For the other 52% of individuals that had fails happen in the DMs, these are their stories:

anonymous _rd100_ [I loved it] when [I got hit with the] ‘well it’s about time’. anonymous I slid in this jet’s football player’s DMs and we chilled. [We] went out a few times. [Still] crazy though. 56

Lmao. He told me I was “cute” but he was seeing someone. Then posted about single life. hadiyaife [It] was a subtle shot… We had a lil convo but then he just had low energy so… [it was a] dub. THE SQUEEZE

soseree_j [A request for] feet pics.

anonymous One guy asked to book me for a gig. His first date idea was for us to film a porn together. After hearing both successful and unsuccessful DM stories, we decided to pull together a list of DOs and DON’Ts when it comes to proper DM sliding. #1 - DO make the conversation starter something relatable. Topics like a question about their most recent post, a common interest and/or mutual friends. #2 – DON’T send or ask for a nude pic … like ever. That is not a good first impression, trust us! #3 – DO ask the person out after at least three DM conversations. Asking within the first conversation may be too pushy. It’s all about being cool, calm and collected. #4 – DO start with a compliment or funny joke. Compliments and jokes can brighten just about anyone’s day. #5 – DON’T enter the DMs by trolling or roasting… unless you know the person. Certain things don’t translate well over text. Wait until each of you can get a gist of each other’s humor. #6 - DO be genuine. If you ever want to go on a date with this person, being yourself will take you the furthest and lets the recipient know that catfishes are far and few

THE SQUEEZE

The World got a Problem with Black Boy Joy BY DEIONA MONROE

CREDITED TO HEYCOFFEEBREAK.COM

hate having to write about this, but…here we are.

There is an actual belief going around that if a Black man is walking around with joy in his aura, that that makes him less of a man. For years, the world has been telling Black men that they have to be tough, not happy; rugged not gentle; strong not vulnerable. If a Black man were to show that which is human, it’d be his downfall or he’d be viewed undesirable. It hurts even more to see Black women reap that same energy. We already deal with the world putting down Black people, but it’s especially harmful when we do it to ourselves. If there’s any sort of unconditional love and support I expect to see, it’s between Black people. All these years later, and there’s still so many of us that continue to fall into the trap of self-race harm. Time and time again, we’re exposed to black people putting down, stepping on, shaming and ridiculing fellow Black people. Black-on-Black crime has mutated from physical to psychological warfare. We may still be breathing, but we certainly aren’t living. If there’s anything I LOVE to see, it’s a Black man smiling. There’s this glimmering aura that comes off a Black man when he’s joyous and I think the aura is so powerful because we rarely see our kings smile—rather, the smiles are purposefully hidden. We’ve spent so much time and energy telling our kings NOT to smile that we find it weird when they do. Instead of letting them fully have that smile, we tear at their masculinity until it’s gone. That’s not…weird? You don’t want that man smiling at all? Not even with you? What if you tell a joke? Is he supposed to keep a straight face? Ok. I’m being

an asshole, but when I see a Black woman say they need a man that’s “masculine”, thus meaning he has to lack “Black boy joy”, that is deadass that head-assery I think of. The idea of “masculinity” negating “Black boy joy” is as absurd as my prior questioning. For example, it sincerely pains me to see us telling our kings that joy and self-care are feminine traits. Like, if those complainers want their man’s cuticles talking, toenails chatting and skin a-town stomping, that’s fine for them. I, on the other hand, will be getting mani-pedis and facials with mine. And, for real, that’s called self-maintenance. If you got a problem with someone cleaning up their nails and sh*t, you’re buggin. Whether it be a man or a woman, eyebrows shouldn’t be raised for something so basic. For those who didn’t clearly understand it: Black boy joy is NOT the opposite of masculinity. Every Black man that walks this planet has the right to joy and it does not make them any less of a man. Every Black man is allowed to show and share his joy. Every Black man should bless the world with their uniquely joyous auras—we literally can’t get it from anywhere else. You, Black man, have an obligation to be joyous because the world needs your smile. We need to know that you’re healthy and when you aren’t, so please speak up. We need to know you have emotions—you don’t gotta front 24/7; we don’t want robots. The world can be evil to you, so stop fronting, you can express yourself. Submitted via www.heycoffeebreak.com

THE SQUEEZE

save the date:

march 21, 2020 new brunswick, nj

V @BASKETBALLSOCIETY_

BASKETBALLSOCIETYONLINE.COM

it's sweeter with us.

You’re looking for something sweet and we’ve got just the flava you need. PYNK Lemonade (also known as PYNK LMN) is a premier marketing, branding and production agency that strives to meet and surpass the expectations of its clients. We’re a group of jet-setters, go-getters and trend-setters that aim to push positive messaging of individuals and company brands worldwide! So what does that mean for you? It means that you’re getting the BEST of the BEST all while sitting back and relaxing with a nice refreshing glass of - you guessed it! - Lemonade.

WE OFFER SERVICES LIKE:

Digital & Social Media Management Experiential Event Production Media Production Brand Development

Let’s w ork!

PYNK Lemonade The Squeeze | Volume 3

Articles inside

The World Got a Problem with Black Boy Joy

I Found Love in a Hopeless Place

Through the Lens : The Toxic Reality of Our Favorite Black Films

Loving Yourself by Preserving Your Wealth

The Perfect Love Song

What Happened to Singing in the Rain?

Claiming Your Happiness

Catch Flights, Not Feelings

POWER OF THE TONGUE

Four for Four: A Message to Those Fighting for Love

Sisterhood in the workplace

FIGURES OF LOVE

A FATHER’S LOVE

BROWN SKIN GIRL

DATING ON A BUDGET

A TIMELESS TIMELINE

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A BLACK WOMAN IN AMERICA

AN INTERVIEW WITH SYDTHECREATIVE

WHY SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE YOU