Dear Mary Jane, Seeing as we have just begun a new year, isn't it about time for your annual obligatory rant about new year's resolutions and such? I do so look forward to your lunacy, although I think that I would be frightened to meet you in person. Happy new year! Koward Lee Kevin
Dear Kowardly (yes, I see what you did there. Clever.),
back to my job of testing stripper poles.
So, did your mommy give you permission to use the Internet, or what? For some reason, I have a mental image of you being one of those guys who owns a suit made out of human skin. But I'm sure that you look lovely when wearing it.
People will actually get to know their neighbors. I grew up on the East Coast. Go figure. The first thing that I noticed when I moved here 25 years ago was that nobody really knew their neighbors; you can literally live here in the same location for years and only have a nodding acquaintance with your neighbors. I expect that to change, and I will tell you why. Do you know why soldiers in combat tend to be so closely knit? It is because they have experienced and survived the same experiences as one another. That is always the basis for an excellent friendship.
Homicidal impulses notwithstanding (yours or mine?), I suppose that I do have a history of New Year's resolution lists. While this may be no exception, as I am far too hungover from holiday revelry to come up with a new topic for January, I can safely say that this list will be most unlike lists that I have published in previous years. Can you guess why? ‘Tis an ill wind that blows no good. Every cloud has a silver lining. I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Regardless of saying, they have stood the test of time because they are mostly true. So! This year's new year's column is going to provide a list of my predictions for the coming year. Note: for every one that I get right, I expect SOMEBODY to send me $10, just because I am so damned cool. There will be a coronavirus vaccine, and it might actually work. However, there will also be a segment of our population who fears that said vaccination is actually a tracking chip or a brain control drug or something equally unusual. As such, tinfoil hats might become the second most popular fashion accessory, after face masks. Nevada will come back stronger than ever before. Think about it: after a period of enforced isolation and quarantine, where is the party going to be when it is finally over? I am thinking Vegas, baby! It is going to be a long, hot summer, especially after I am cleared to go
44
Marijuana will make it to the next level. Well, the election back in November demonstrated that a great deal of the population is in favor of federal marijuana legalization. I believe that this is the year that this will actually happen. I'm not thinking in terms of dispensaries in every state. Rather, I am thinking that the federal government is finally going to release marijuana to science and medical labs in order to synthesize new and improved medications. I mean, it would be nice to legally purchase weed anywhere in the country, but I think the real money is in the pharmaceutical field. So, Kevin my friend, I hope that this list of predictions satisfies you. For the record, you shouldn't be afraid of meeting me in person. You should be terrified, you pathetic little worm! I also provide dominatrix services... hit me up, candy-ass. Happy Holidays! Mary Jane
