THIRTY ONE: Issue 13

ISSUE THIRTEEN

GILLIAN PRIOR

M I K AY L A G R O B B E L A A R

ME2 MAGAZINE

DEBBIE CARRIE

NELLEKE BESTER

EDNA ELS

LORAINE DOCKERILL

ELIZABETH SPIES

#13 CONTENTS N O T E F R O M E D N A

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- Edna Els F R E E D O M

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FA C I N G M Y G O L I AT H

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- Mikayla Grobbelaar - Debbie Carrie F E AT U R E S T O R Y

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-Gillian Prior G O D I S G O O D

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- Nelleke Bester NOT GIVING UP ON YOUR DREAMS 37

- Loraine Dockerill FA I T H A N D B U S I N E S S 4 5

- Elizabeth Spies W E A R & E AT

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Š This publication is produced by Victory Media for m e 2 M e n t o r i n g J e ff re y s B a y. A l l a rt i c l e s a re w r i tt e n b y members of Victory Church unless otherwise stated.

Th i s m a g a z i n e i s n o t f o r s a l e . Fo r f u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n o n any of the articles, do not hesitate to email us at me2@victorychurch.org.za Issue 13 - August 2019 me2mentoring.com // victorychurch.org.za

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POWERNOTE FROM EDNA

Hello my friend I started writing this note in the UK Visa and

or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right

Immigration waiting room, to pass the time

to the name Christian as anyone. God is building

as I awaited my turn for my visa renewal

a home.

appointment.

He is using all of us, irrespective of how we got Devoid of any cellular devices to occupy

here, in what He is building. He used the apostles

my time and distract me, my attention was

and prophets for the foundation. Now He is using

captured by the small pile of documents on my

you, fitting you in, brick by brick, stone by stone,

lap, that literally allows the interviewer to get

with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone, who holds all

a snapshot of my life: It’s all here; my personal

the parts together! We see it taking shape, day

details, evidence of property owned, services

after day - a holy temple built by God, with all of

paid, letters of invitation, flights reserved,

us built into it. A temple in which God is quite at

accommodation secured and even my bank

home. [Ephesians 2:19-22 MSG]

statements laid bare for scrutiny - all for the purpose of gaining entry to a country that is not

Between you and me, my favourite part about

my own.

travelling is arriving home. How wonderful it is to know that no visa is required. We have

I love travelling and visiting foreign countries. On

permanent residency in our home country, as our

top of that, at times I have the honour of sharing

names are written in the Book of Life, recorded in

the gospel (the too good to be true news) and

Heaven by the Blood of Jesus.

watching in wide-eyed awe and wonder as God brings hope, healing and transforms lives

My friend, that is the only endorsement we need.

(including my own).

Irrespective of what our documents look like, we are already stamped with His seal of approval.

How wonderful it is to be a citizen of heaven and

No renewal needed, eternal sons and daughters

to have unlimited access to His realm! The power

with a birthright and unlimited access. So, let

of birthright and the privilege of belonging, which

us live this life, knowing our citizenship and the

we so often take for granted, gives us free access

privileges that come with calling Him Father!

to the country we now call home.

Enjoy the journey!

That is plain enough, isn’t it? You are no longer wandering exiles. This Kingdom of faith is now

Love you,

your home country. You are no longer strangers

Edna

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MIKAYLA GROBBELAAR

Dancing, singing, running around with chewing gum in my hair, and my feet coated with dirt - this was my life as a little girl. Little did I know that a single experience would change all of this. I was sitting at the movies next to my friend, when suddenly all feeling in my entire body started escaping. My breaths got shorter and quicker, my heart was beating out of my chest and fear overtook my entire being. I had never been so close to feeling as though I was literally about to die.

Tests upon tests were done. The doctors came back and told me that they weren’t sure what it could be. Weeks and months went by, and eventually I was told, at the age of thirteen, that I had chronic anxiety and depression. I was relieved to have an ‘answer’ to what I was experiencing, and so medication was prescribed.

The medication didn’t help, so I continued visiting one doctor after another, all of whom prescribed me antidepressants. I took medication for two years which didn’t help at all. I spent nights with my eyes wide open, and fear saturating me. I spent my days waiting for the next ‘attack’. My room became the only four walls that I wanted to be in. I danced less, sang less, and became a slave to this thing called ‘anxiety/depression’.

I was exhausted by this fight, losing the strength to battle with it, which led me to become more depressed. At sixteen, I was done with not being able to live life.

I was done with not having anything help me, taking medication and feeling as though nothing helped. I decided it was time. Suicidal thoughts wove their way through my mind.

My very last resort was to ask my mom to take me to church and have a pastor pray for me. I had never been to church, so this was a strange request. It had basically become, “Anything to help”. The pastor prayed for me and I felt something I had never felt before. I felt a release and a sense of freedom.

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Without me knowing, my mom had also booked me into a rehab, which I would go to the next day. That was the day I had planned on committing suicide - what amazing timing.

Within a few days at the rehab, my specialist-psychiatrist said that if I had just received correct therapy at the time, I would never have needed to go onto medication. The medication I had been prescribed was not actually necessary, and it therefore had the opposite effect in my body. My brain had stopped producing the natural chemicals that I needed because I was getting them from the medication. We finally understood what was going on, and why things had gone from bad to worse.

During rehab I had already started feeling better because of the pastor’s prayer.

After rehab I realized that while I was depressed, suicidal, and didn’t believe in God, I had cried out to Him out of desperation, and He came through for me!

Out of rehab and into church I went. After years of struggling with anxiety and depression, I had found the ultimate filler. Or should I say, He found me!

The revelation of who God is, and how He was always there for me even when I didn’t believe in Him, transformed my life. How I filled myself changed. I leaned on Him and learned from Him. The deep void I had was filled through relationship with God - and this time, it never ran dry. I gave my life to Him, and now it’s no longer I who live, but Him who lives in me.

Yes, I do still struggle. I’ve had to learn, and am still learning, to walk in freedom daily. It doesn’t end with just giving your life to Him. A wise lady once said to me - Salvation happens in an instant; however, you must choose to walk in freedom each day.

This is my daily choice, to trust in God, live in the freedom He gives me and allow Him to be my Daily Bread. _ Mikayla is the owner of “Need a Day” Creche. She is part of the worship team and young adult community at Victory Church, Jeffery’s Bay, South Africa.

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NEVER DOUBT GOD’S MIGHT Y POWER TO WORK IN YOU AND ACCOMPLISH ALL THIS. HE WILL ACHIEVE INFINITELY MORE THAN YOUR GREATEST REQUEST, YOUR MOST UNBELIEVABLE DREAM, AND EXCEED YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION! HE WILL OUTDO THEM ALL, FOR HIS MIRACULOUS POWER CONSTANTLY ENERGIZES YOU. EPHESIANS 3:20 (TPT)

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Photography: Rachel Pfuetzner

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DEBBIE CARRIE Photography: Megan Carrie

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My husband, Johnno, and I have faced some

some rest as all we could do now was wait for a

tough stuff over the past ten years. Thankfully,

miracle. I’ll never forget the love poured out by

not in our marriage, but in many other areas. In

wonderful friends who stayed right through the

dealing with all these challenges, I asked God to

night. At around 1am we received another call

help me see things from heaven’s perspective.

to say Andrew’s condition had deteriorated and

Ephesians 2:6 tells us that we are seated in the

we needed to come to the hospital. I’ll also never

heavenly realms in Christ Jesus. I wanted to learn

forget standing around his bed in the ICU in the

how to live from heaven to earth and not be

early hours of the morning with about 30 others,

ruled by the trials we faced. I’m so grateful I did,

singing Good Good Father and each person

because on 3rd December 2016 I had to face

telling him we loved him and what he meant to

my Goliath - the hardest thing I’ve ever had to

us. The presence of God was so thick that a nurse

journey.

later remarked that she didn’t know how every patient wasn’t healed! Heaven had invaded our

In the early evening, Johnno received a call from

space as Andy invaded heaven.

a young lady asking if we had a son who rode a motorbike. There had been an accident and

A few days later I told God how sad I was that

we needed to get there quickly. Johnno asked if

I’d never see Andrew become a dad. He was

Andrew was alive and she said he was but was

amazing with children and had told us often that

badly hurt. A drunk driver, overtaking at speed,

he couldn’t wait to be a dad. I suddenly had

had hit him.

a very clear vision of a huge room in heaven, filled with little ones. I saw Andrew in the middle

A couple of hours later at the hospital, we were

of them all as they played, rolling around and

called aside to be told that our larger than life,

climbing on him and he was hugging them. I

beautiful 28-year-old boy was brain dead – it was

knew in my spirit that these were the miscarried

devastating.

and aborted babies. I heard God say, “he will father more here in heaven than he ever would

We went into the trauma unit where he’d been

have on earth.”

taken, with about 30 precious friends who’d come to be with us, to trust God for a miracle.

I told this story at his memorial and afterwards

I can remember the lioness rising in me as I saw

had the privilege of praying for two precious

Andrew. I began to pray and declare life over

ladies who’d carried the pain of abortion for a

our very still boy. I rebuked a spirit of death and

long time. God our healer touched them.

prayed my heart out! Others prayed, we sang and we worshipped.

Over the last few years, all my preconceptions have been blown away - I’ve learnt to ask God

Johnno and I had been up since 4am that day

HOW to walk things through, rather than WHY. I’ve

and we were advised to go home and get

come to know Him deeply and I’ve experienced

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His loving kindness and goodness daily. He is

The last thing I’m going to share with you is this.

MY EVERYTHING and He’s taught me so much.

Long before Andrew left us, I always believed

Something I struggled with, was well meaning

that Steve (our eldest son) and Nix would have

people telling me that the devil had robbed

a little boy. I loved to pray prophetically into this

Andrew of life.

little one’s life and one day while praying, the name Seth popped into my mind. I was grateful

Andrew was walking a radical road with Jesus,

that at least it was a boy’s name and told God I

particularly in the 6 months before the accident.

would look up the meaning when I got home. I

I also knew that the devil was no match for our

forgot to do that and again heard, “Seth” - I said,

beautiful Father, who had whispered a verse to

“Okay Lord, I’m going now”. I nearly dropped my

me from John 12:24 over and over: “Unless a seed

phone when I saw that Seth means ‘anointed’,

falls to the ground and dies it does not bear fruit,

‘compensation’! While I knew that this would not

but if it dies it bears much fruit”. I do not for one

be the name given to him, I had no doubt that my

second believe that God caused the accident,

amazing Father was saying I am going to restore,

but I am so grateful that I had been asking Him

I am going to give you a little one to love and to

for heaven’s perspective. I have come to realise

help your family heal. About 6 weeks later, the

that it is very different from just what we see in

pregnancy was announced and on 13 April 2018,

the natural. A week or so after Andrew left us, we

we welcomed our precious Zach into our family.

found a song he’d written that I think might blow

He is the light of our lives and we just adore him!

some of your preconceptions too. It is called ‘Crossroads’.

The pain in this journey has been real, but so has the peace. I miss Andrew hugely and I would give

I’m at this crossroad

anything for one of his bear hugs, but we have

I’ve been here before

eternity to enjoy together and the legacy he has

And my feet are sticking to the floor

left here has blown me away. I am so honoured

There’s an old car coming my way

that I was chosen to be his mom.

And I’m torn whether to go or stay

_

But I’ve just got to pack my bags

Debbie and her husband John live and work in

and leave this place

Durban, South Africa. They have three children

Take heart son, you’ve got courage

and one grandson. She is the owner and creative

and breath in your lungs

brain behind of H I S Apparel “the best men’s shirt brand on the planet”. They are part of Harvest

I guess this is what you would call a prophetic song, and I am just going to leave it at that.

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Church, Umhlanga

I’ve learnt to ask God HOW to walk things through rather than WHY

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THE LORD IS MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SHEPHERD. I ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH. HE OFFERS A RESTING PLACE FOR ME IN HIS LUXURIOUS LOVE. HIS TRACKS TAKE ME TO AN OASIS OF PEACE, THE QUIET BROOK OF BLISS - PSALM 23:1-2 (TPT)

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Photography: unsplash

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GILLIAN

Photography: Nicole Honeywill & Anne Galloway

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My name is Gillian which means ‘Youthful’. One thing the enemy tried to do in my life is to steal my youth and rob me of every blessing God has in store for me. In John 10:10 it says, “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy”. The enemy tried to take my life from birth. I was one of a twin, born two and a half month’s early, weighing a fragile 0.8 kg. It took doctors three days to get my lungs working properly, where after I was in an incubator for

“DON’T YOU LOVE IT WHEN THE SCHEMES AND PLANS OF THE ENEMY FAIL?”

two and a half months until I had the weight of a normal baby. Don’t you love it when the schemes and plans of the enemy fail?

I was born into a wonderful family with an incredibly strong and compassionate mother, along with three biological siblings and one adopted girl. I am unable to pin point a specific time when the enemy came in and lied to me about who I am, but I remember feeling shy and inadequate most of my childhood and definitely throughout my adolescent years. It always felt to me like something was missing, I just didn’t know what it was.

I lost my biological father Steve just before my second birthday. What I know about his death is that he was murdered and that the case is still open. Since I was a little girl I’ve had an immense longing to be with my father. After I matriculated the desire to be with him escalated so much that I attempted suicide, in my ignorance thinking that if I kill myself I can go and be with him. I couldn’t accept not being able to be daddy’s little girl or not having my father around to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day.

Thankfully, God was so kind to me that my suicide attempt was unsuccessful. Instead, I ended up in a psychiatric ward on suicide watch, still in search of the missing piece. The longing for my father has

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now turned into a healthy emotion instead of a

because I had all the supposedly ‘right’ answers

destructive one. I know that even if my dad was

enabling me to keep the conversation very

alive he wouldn’t be able to fulfil all my needs as

superficial as I was too scared of going deeper to

God does.

where the pain was. By the time I was twenty-three years old I hadn’t dealt with most of the things that

Whether by choice or not, I’ve experienced

had happened in my life. Looking back now, I can

people I loved leave which over time caused

only thank God for being so patient with me. I’ve

me to subconsciously put up a wall as a defence

never denied God’s existence but I was angry at

mechanism to keep people at a distance. A

Him for many years because I had the question

couple years after my father passed away my

that many people do. ‘If God is so big and

mother got remarried to my stepdad. Werner

almighty, why doesn’t He prevent painful situations

and my mother had a daughter together by the

from occurring?

name of Lara. She was a gorgeous blue-eyed little girl with curly blonde hair who drowned in

Some time after Lara passed away my mother

our swimming pool on New Year’s Day. I can’t

got addicted to prescription medication. I longed

put into words the shock and tremendous pain

for a parental figure or even a close friend who

that we all went through. I blamed myself for my

could just be with me. However, I never let anyone

sister’s passing and I carried that burden and guilt

into what was happening in my life. At the age of

for many years because Lara and I were always

twelve, I started watching pornography, smoking

together, attached at the hip. Sharing how I truly

cannabis and drinking alcohol. I didn’t get

felt with my grandmother later in life brought some

addicted but I continued this on and off over the

relief but I hadn’t reached a place where I had

years as it was a form of escapism. At age sixteen

forgiven myself. We can only experience true

I left my mom’s house and moved back to Cape

freedom through forgiveness.

Town where I was born and attended boarding school for the last three years of High School.

Werner, was a good man who kind of lost his way after Lara passed away and him and my mother got

I loved those three years of school as I was around

divorced. Coming to terms with my father Steve and

friends and could just be a child. I loved the

Lara’s death was incredibly difficult for the mere

structure that came with going to boarding school.

reason that I didn’t have a clear understanding

I completely thrived! It says in Psalm 16:6 that,

of what Heaven is. After I received the revelation

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant

it was possible for me to make peace with their

places”. Boundaries still make me feel safe and

passing. However, it didn’t nullify the grief process

secure and show me that you love and care for me

and agony of coming to a place of acceptance

enough to put them in place.

knowing they are no longer with me.

One honest statement that I can make about

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After Lara passed away my mother sent me to

myself whilst growing up was that I tended to be

go and see a psychologist. The psychologist told

an extremist. I either went all in or I didn’t go at

me that I’ll make a brilliant psychologist one day

all. This was very evident in my addiction which

BY THE TIME I WAS TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD, I HADN’T DEALT WITH MOST OF THE THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED IN MY LIFE. LOOKING BACK NOW, I CAN ONLY THANK GOD FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME.

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I HAD PROMISED MYSELF I’D NEVER END UP IN ADDICTION... YET THERE I WAS, GOING DOWN THE SAME PATH.

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spiralled out of control at the age of eighteen.

shame and guilt that came with the selfish choices

The plan after matriculation was for me to go and

I made. Later on, receiving healing in the area of

study at University, however, my dream abruptly

prostitution was exceptionally difficult for me.

came to an end and my best friend, my twin sister, was on her way to family in England for a Gap

I met my ex-boyfriend in the first rehab that I went

Year. I didn’t handle my twin sister leaving well, to

to in Cape Town and together we both fell back

me, it felt like I had lost her completely. It was the

into addiction, this time getting hooked onto

worst feeling, something that can’t be described. I

crystal meth. The realization that I was selling my

didn’t realize how dependent I was on her until we

body for drugs was a real low point for me in my

separated.

addiction. I have been in three rehabs, two of which I got kicked out of and the third one finishing

At that point, I began drinking and smoking

successfully.

cannabis heavily to the extent where I would blackout regularly. I left my mother’s house and

While reminiscing on all that God has done in my

moved back to Cape Town where everything

life I’m completely blown away and humbled by

spiralled out of control at an accelerated rate. I

what He has saved me from and into. There were

met a taxi driver who offered me crack cocaine

numerous times in my addiction when I cried

and because I was in such a state of depression

out to God when everything seemed too much. I

and hopelessness, I accepted the drugs and

wanted so badly to be out of that life but I didn’t

smoked crack for the first time, getting hooked

want to go back to the life I had before I started

instantly. Growing up I promised myself I’d never

using because I knew something was missing from

end up in addiction as my mother had, yet there I

that life as well. It was a catch twenty two situation

was going down the same path.

and I felt completely trapped. Often when I was ‘coming down’ and didn’t have any drugs I would

Within three weeks I was using crack every day. I

have these type of conversations with God, not

soon got kicked out of my Aunt’s house because

knowing that He would be the one who would give

the drug dealers came to my Aunt’s house, making

my life meaning.

it dangerous for my Aunt and cousin who was a young boy still in Primary School. I then moved into

I’m thankful that even in my confusion and with my

my grandparents place and when the cravings

ample questions, God has continually been kind,

got too bad and a man from my addiction

loving, and patient. I hardened my heart towards

contacted me, I ran away with him and moved

God but He never hardened His heart towards

into a crack house in Woodstock. I believed the lie

me. Instead, He was always there, ready to listen

that I was born to be a drug addict which fuelled

when I was ready to speak, even if my speaking

my rebellion and I went all out. I couldn’t work

at times came out as shouting or moaning. When

and keep a normal job because working meant

I wasn’t able to express how I was feeling He still

I wasn’t able to use every minute of every day

knew exactly what was going on in my heart and

which wasn’t an option for me. I fell into prostitution

His desire remained for me to reach a place of

to support my drug habit. The life that I was living

wholeness in Him.

only made me use even more because of all the

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I have since had to go back and work through

for me for the first time. It was as if I could breathe

the traumatic experiences that happened in my

easily, without restraint for the first time. All the

life. There is so much freedom in facing our “stuff”

effort I put into keeping myself together all the

head on than choosing to pretend like it doesn’t

years completely fell apart in God’s holy presence.

exist or it didn’t happen. God promises that there is

I remember the feeling of ease and comfort that

a purpose in all pain. We must press on each day

came over me. I experienced liberation and

knowing that our God loves us and wants to use

freedom for the first time. The more I encounter the

the hurt and pain we have experienced to bring

love of the Father the more I long to encounter.

Him glory. It says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the

“The closer you get to the truth, the clearer

plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to

becomes the beauty, and the more you will find

prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you

worship welling up within you” – N.T. Wright.

a hope and a future”.

God has been so gracious to me throughout Whilst signing on to do a second year in the third

everything by sending incredible people across

rehab I attended, I served and counselled the

my path, opening up doors for me where I can

residents. God had done such a massive work in

learn more about myself and who He has created

my heart and I had personally experienced that

me to be, learn more about who He is and serve

nothing is impossible for God and as a result I

others in the process. We serve a God who sees

desired for all recovering addicts to experience

the WHOLE picture. He is a 360’ God who is in the

the same freedom. Today, I stand on the scripture

business of complete healing, restoration and

Romans 8:28 which says, “And we know that all

freedom. To me, freedom used to look like a crack

things work together for good of those who love

pipe where it now looks like bowing my knee. No

God, to those who are called according to His

one ever had to teach me to fight, it almost came

purpose”. We can’t run away from God no matter

naturally as I was fighting for my life since day one.

how hard we try! The beauty is that if we truly

God has had to teach me to sit down and take

know who God is and how much He loves us, why

a deep breath. It is liberating not having to take

would we ever want to? I reached a point where I

everything upon myself or having to come up with

accepted that no one can change my life for me, I

solutions to every problem. There is one solution

have to take responsibility and choose to change.

and His name is Jesus. He truly is the name that is above every other name. I have been renewed

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I’ve been running from facing life and all that

by the grace of God, and am now devoted to

comes with it my entire life… At the age of twenty-

bring God glory. I feel so grateful to know the

one I surrendered and gave my life to God who

truth and extremely blessed to be able to say with

miraculously brought me out of drug psychosis. I

confidence that the TRUTH has indeed set me free!

describe that moment as my “HOMECOMING”. It

Today I am abundantly satisfied by His loving-

was the moment where I simply let go. It was the

kindness towards me.

moment where dance and song broke out in my

_

chest and I was completely wrecked by the love

Gillian lives in Jeffreys Bay South Africa. After

of the Father. My heart of stone became a crying

completing Victory Gap year last year she is now

mess as I encountered the love that the Father has

an intern in pastoral care at Victory Church.

NO ONE EVER HAD TO TEACH ME TO FIGHT, IT ALMOST CAME NATURALLY ... GOD HAD TO TEACH ME TO SIT DOWN AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

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A THIEF HAS ONLY ONE THING IN MIND — HE WANTS TO STEAL, SLAUGHTER, AND DESTROY. BUT I HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU EVERY THING IN ABUNDANCE, MORE THAN YOU EXPECT — LIFE IN ITS FULLNESS UNTIL YOU OVERFLOW! - JOHN 10:10 (TPT)

Photography: unsplash

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NELLEKE BESTER P h o t o g r a p h y : R u t h Pa s q u e s

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After being married for two years, we wanted to

What a transforming couple of months for me! For

start a family of our own. We were very excited,

possibly the first time in my life, I had to face what

and to be honest, I expected to fall pregnant

I really believed about God. About who He is, and

quickly. Both Willie and I are from big families, so we

what He does.

hadnít even considered that our plan for a family wouldn’t proceed as anticipated. Little did we

My biggest struggle in this time wasn’t just with

know that the journey would be a lot different

God, but also with my heart towards people. To be

than what we expected.

clear: We are so incredibly blessed with having a community around us that support us, encourage

I don’t want to focus too much on the medical

us, love us, put things in perspective, let us cry,

details. So, in short, after having some tests done

make us laugh again and so much more. Even

the doctor told us that there was no way we could

though there are times when you might want to

have a baby naturally. There were just too many

crawl up into a ball and feel sorry for yourself (and

complications with both of us. The only options we

there are appropriate times to do that), I really

had were insemination or IVF.

believe we need to allow certain people in our

lives to walk our journeys with. We cannot do it by

We went for insemination, not caring that we used

ourselves, and I don’t believe God intended for

money we didn’t have. We wanted to have our

live to be journeyed alone. I don’t always think

own family so badly that we would do whatever

I ‘need’ people around me to help me process

it took.

through the battle, and fight with and for me, but it has proven to me time and time again that I do

We tried twice, and neither time worked. We were

need people! I am always blessed by it.

in debt. All the hormones severely affected my body. I couldn’t sleep for more than two hours a

Unfortunately, there is another side to sharing your

night for months. I got terrible headaches. I was

struggles with others. As much as people mean

frustrated and emotional. I felt responsible for

well, they don’t always say the things that will help

the debt we felt we were drowning in, and the

you. I remember telling Willie, if anyone tells me

situation seemed totally hopeless. It was a real

one more time that God’s timing is perfect, or that

internal wrestle. We had no choice but to stop

everything happens for a reason, I am going to

insemination for a while.

lose it. Although what people say might be true, it is not always helpful or encouraging, and not

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even God for that person. I had to go to God and

God never told me that I would have children,

ask Him what He said about the situation. Even

so I didn’t have that promise to hold on to. He

though God’s timing is perfect, there are some

never told me that He wanted to teach me a life

things which have no time. Sometimes people

lesson, and once I had learnt it, I would get my

do not get their biggest heart’s desires, or their

breakthrough. He never promised that I would get

prayers answered. He is the only Prince of Peace,

all my heart’s desires. None of that. All He said

and from experience, I know that only God can

was, “I AM GOOD!”

settle truth so deeply in your heart that it will give you peace beyond understanding. He really is

While I didn’t feel or see it, I had to contend for

more than enough. So, I had to contend for that,

that truth. To not let it be stolen, and not confuse

stand on that, and let certain things go.

facts with truth. There were times that I worshipped and screamed that He is good so loudly that

The journey of hearing God’s perspective on this

I couldn’t hear anything else but those words.

changed my life and has defined the way I live.

Other times I needed to just be quiet and just be

God gave me a promise through a scripture in

with Him. To let Him hold and comfort me, not to

Job where it says: “I had only heard about you

learn from Him or get answers, but to just be. I am

but now I have seen you with my own eyes.” That

Dutch, I want to do, so just being was something

is, and was really, honestly my deepest heart’s

I had to learn. Sometimes I needed to choose to

desire. Real peace, a real deep relationship with

see the challenges of others, instead of just my

God and being 100% convinced that He is good.

own struggles, and to pray for, help, encourage,

God started speaking to us about His character,

and love them. Whatever little I could do, I tried

that you don’t trust in Him for what He can give

to do. At times I just needed to go out with my

or do, because the truth is: He doesn’t owe us

friends and laugh. Nothing spiritual at all, but so

anything. Even to accept the worst possibility

spiritual at the same time.

as a possibility, and still believe that He is good, accepting that we might never see His goodness.

I’m so thankful that God is so faithful, and so

He kept on telling me: “I am good, I am good,

solid. He is the only truth we can build our lives

I am good”. If that was the only thing I got from

on, and it is so worth it! It has rooted so deeply

this journey, it would have been so worth it. God’s

in my heart that nothing can ever convince me

goodness settled so deeply in my heart that no

otherwise. It might seem small to some, but it is

one can convince me otherwise.

the best thing for me. I don’t have all the answers,

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I don’t know why things happen or don’t happen,

My breakthrough was finding Him. Knowing that

I feel for people that struggle to have children or

He is good regardless of what He gives. Knowing,

don’t get those big heart desires. When it says in

without a doubt, that His character is good, and

the Bible that God will turn all things around for

that He is faithful and immovable even if my

those who love Him, it doesn’t mean He will give

circumstances look like a hurricane.

you whatever you want if you love Him. I believe it means that He wants to do something deeper

I pray for women who still long for a baby, whose

than what we can comprehend to be ‘good’.

hearts are sore and hurt. I pray that God will do

The circumstance might not have changed, yet

beyond what you can imagine.

everything has changed. New perspective, new peace, new revelation, and God turned what the

I also pray that my story will inspire people to not

enemy tried to steal around for His glory.

just trust for outcomes, but to trust in Him. To seek His heart and wrestle until you find peace in Him.

On returning from our annual Zambia outreach

I trust that it will encourage you to find people

with VGY in 2016 we got the best surprise: I was

around you who can be there for you, that allow

pregnant! No medical intervention! I will never

you to not be okay, to cry, scream, celebrate

forget the moment, I literally laughed and cried

every victory, pull you back up, and encourage

for three hours straight. In April 2017 our amazing

you to push through.

son Miles Jacob (meaning Gracious Warrior) was born. I am so thankful, from the bottom of my

The wrestle can be tough, but just because it is

heart, that God gave Him to us.

not easy does not mean it is not beautiful. If you wrestle with Him, not against Him, then it is the

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Then, on top of that, eight months later we found out

best thing you can ever do. He is a safe place

we were pregnant again. Our daughter, Ivy Senna

and He is on your team. He wants better for you

(meaning faithful, ever-green), was born September

then you can even want for yourself.

2018. I am so thankful to God that He gave us our

_

children, and that He made the impossible possible.

Nelleke and her husband Willie oversee Victory

I am just as thankful for what He did in my heart

Gap Year in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. She is also

before that, thankful for our wrestle and that He

part of the ever growing Moms and Tots community

‘allowed’ me to wrestle with Him.

at Victory Church.

Photography: Sovrin Photography

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Photography: unsplash

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CLOSER THAN ANY OTHER! - PROVERBS 18:24 (TPT)

BUT THERE IS ONE LOVING FRIEND WHO IS JOINED TO YOUR HEART

SOME FRIENDSHIPS DON’T LAST FOR LONG,

LORAINEDOCKERILL

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I WA S NUMBED

BY THESE WO R D S : “A R E YO U A R O U N D? DON’T GO A N YW H E R E .

I THINK W E H AV E FOUND YO U R FA M I LY ”.

the way, but she was determined at a young age to use these bumps as stepping-stones and not stumbling blocks. Only God could have instilled this in her heart.

Now, I am all grown up. A woman, a wife, a mother and a grand mother, living in Canada.

I have learned in life that it is not so much about the destination, but more about the journey. There is much to learn along the journey of life. It’s not always easy, but it sure does shape and develop one’s character.

Since feeling rejected and deprived of love as a child, I determined in my heart that I wanted to be able to love and care for people. To give people what I felt I never received. I developed a passion

Have you ever screamed with joy, shock, delight,

to love and care for people, and in that I found

nervousness and unbelief, all at the same time?

my purpose. God says, if we don’t have love, we

Leaving your husband thinking there is a medical

have nothing.

emergency in the home. You can picture the scene.

I did not grow up in a Christian home but looking back I know that God had His hand upon my life.

This is what happened on that joyous night of

I gave my heart to Jesus in 1985, aged 28. It was

January 15th, 2018. It was the scene of a life-

then that I started wondering about my biological

long dream coming true and it changed my life

siblings. I knew there were quite a few of them

forever. It had taken decades for all of this to fall

and I had to make sure that they knew Jesus. I

into place, but God’s timing is perfect.

could not remember much about them, but there was one biological sister that I remembered

On the 12th of May 1957 a baby girl was born in a

playing with at my adoptive parent’s home when

little town called Humansdorp, South Africa. She

I was a little girl. There was also another sister that

was born into a poor Tsitsikamma family, who

my adoptive Dad had introduced me to when I

could not afford to keep her. Ahead of her lay a

was a young child. I only learned at the age of 21

journey which led her away from her biological

that these were my biological siblings. Little did

family. After many struggles and court cases, this

I know, that many years later, those two siblings

now four-year-old girl was given over to a family

were going to be one of the keys to my dream

for adoption. The journey had many bumps along

coming true.

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My search for my siblings in 1985 was in vain.

Remember the scream I mentioned earlier, well

Every door was shut. I knew this was not God’s

there was a repeat of that as I screeched, not

timing, so I had to wait. I ended up having to wait

believing what I had just found. I had to wonder

until 2017. I had never forgotten my biological

whether it had been there all along. I honestly do

family though. By then I had been separated from

not remember it being there, or ever having seen

them for 56 years and it was 32 years since I laid

it before. But God did something in that moment

down the dream of finding them.

as He gave me the piece of information that was missing for me to start the search for my biological

Looking back on the process now, I recognise

family.

a few significant happenings and occurrences which led to me finding my biological family. One

I believe that document was revealed at that

of them was that in 2014, our New Horizon Church

specific time because I had recently opened my

in Nanaimo, BC, Canada, was adopted into the

heart and released all the pain and trauma from

family of Church of the Nations. This allowed for

childhood and offered forgiveness to my parents.

my passion and purpose to be fulfilled in this

I had an undeniable Spiritual breakthrough at that

context - loving and caring for God’s people.

time. We sometimes hold onto offences without even realising it. It could be that very thing which

Another was in 2017, when we attended a COTN

is holding us back from our breakthrough.

conference in the UK. After the conference we stayed and spent a week with a friend of ours.

Right away I reached out to the Baby Come

She was also adopted, and she asked me why

Home (Family Reunion SA) Facebook group to

I had never looked for my biological family. I

search for my family. I gave them a copy of my

mentioned I had tried but had been unsuccessful.

adoption certificate and told them the only other

She pushed the point and went on to say that all

information I had, my biological surname and

I needed was an Adoption Certificate. This I did

the name of one biological sister. Within 14 hours

not have.

I heard those numbing words that I opened with: “Are you around? Don’t go anywhere. I think we

Shortly after we arrived home, my daughter asked

have found your family”

me to look in my filing for a certain document

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she needed. I searched back and forth for that

How can you be sure, I asked them? They said

document but found nothing. Eventually, I paged

they had asked my biological sister, the one

right to the very back of the old, brittle plastic

that my adoptive father had introduced me to

sleeved file. My eyes just about did a double roll

as a small child, what she could tell them about

around in my head. I saw a very old, yellowed

me. I was so grateful to our awesome God, that

envelope with my adoptive mother’s handwriting

all those years ago He had guided my adoptive

on it saying: “Loraine’s adoption certificate”. Well,

father to remain connected to this biological sister

blow me over! This was another significant part of

of mine. He had even kept her up to date with all

the process.

the milestones in life. This sister, all these years

Photography: unsplash

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later, could tell Baby Come Home (Family Reunion

God-given moment. In April/May of 2019, there

SA) where I had worked as a young woman, when

was a great reunion of our biological family in Port

I had gotten married, where had I lived and what

Elizabeth and Sedgefield, South Africa. There is no

occupation my father had. Baby Come Home

doubt that we are family. God has done such a

(Family Reunion SA) asked me to confirm all this

beautiful thing in our midst.

information, and it all lined up!

Still, some uncertainty crept in. Oh, ye of little faith. Could it really be true? Just to seal the deal, I believe God moved His Hand and the very next day Adopted SA emailed me all my original Order of Adoption papers with full statements by both sets of parents, their names, and all the family history. This was proof that all the information lined up and was correct.

Two months had passed since I sent my request to Adopted SA to release these documents from the archives. Why, on this day, would I be receiving this information? God knew I needed

If that is not enough good news, God had made

confirmation. How awesome is He? God was on

sure that my family got to know Him as Lord and

the move. He is always on time, never early and

Saviour. What an amazing God. He knew my

never late.

heart from all those years ago. He knew I was concerned for their salvation and He stepped in.

Baby Come Home (Family Reunion SA) had found my family, all five remaining siblings. Sadly, my

Every day my family and I are in contact with

Dad, Mom and a brother had passed away. All

each other to encourage each other in the Lord

the siblings’ phone numbers were released to

and pray for each other. Never give up on your

me and they were waiting for me to call them.

dreams. It took a series of significant happenings

They remembered me! It was a joyous, somewhat

for my dream to be unlocked. You might be

emotional, tender and sensitive series of phone

just one moment away from your dreams being

calls. Some had, in fact, just been speaking that

unlocked and coming true. God will fulfill them,

week about whether they would ever see or hear

when the time is right! Romans 8:28 says: “And

from me again.

we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to those who are the called

So much time had passed, but God’s timing

according to his purpose”.

cannot be faulted. My siblings’ words were: “This

_

is the best day of our lives”. What a precious.

Loraine and her husband Robert live in Naniamo, in beautiful Canada. They are the pastors at New Horizons Church.

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NEVER GIVE U P O N YO U R DREAMS. IT TOOK A SERIES OF SIGNIFICANT HAPPENINGS FOR MY DREAM TO BE UNLOCKED

Photography: unsplash

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SO HERE’S WHAT I’VE LEAR NED THROUGH IT ALL: LEAVE ALL YOUR CARES AND ANXIETIES AT THE FEET OF THE LORD, AND MEASURELESS GRACE WILL STRENGTHEN YOU. PSALM 55:22 (TPT)

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ELIZABETHSPIES

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I grew up in a Christian home with a dad

anymore. I poured my heart out to God, and cried

that could do anything! He was a farmer, a

out to Him for help, strength and vision.

businessman and so much more. I dreamed of being an entrepreneur myself, but I had no idea

For years people had been praying for me for

of the challenges and responsibilities that would

a breakthrough and nothing had happened. All

come with it.

I ever heard was “wait”. Eventually, God gave me a scripture and told me that I must “keep on

My journey as an entrepreneur started in 2000. My

keeping on”. Nine months later the long-awaited

business partner and I started a clothing factory

answer to prayer came knocking on my door, but

in my house with two sewing machines. Our only

it not at all what I expected. I had the opportunity

goal at that stage was to earn a bit of extra cash

to run the business on my own. I walked around

and work from home, which was a dream come

angry at God for days, because His plans were

true. I loved every moment of it. Being at home

not at all the same as mine! I prayed for God to

with my son and being an entrepreneur was great.

show me the way forward, wondering if I had

After a year our business had grown to the extent

heard Him clearly, because this was not part of

that we would need to move to new premises.

the picture I had in mind.

We moved, bought four sewing machines and employed twelve people to work with us. We

I asked my mentors to pray with me - at that

had enough work to run a day and night shift.

stage I felt like a problem child, always asking for prayer with nothing seeming to work out. After

Without really thinking it through, or praying

praying for two weeks God appeared to me in

about it, we were buying more machines and

a dream. He told me that if He had given me an

employing more people. We kept on expanding

easy way out, then all the hard work of the past

and eventually I found myself at a place where

fourteen years would have been wasted, and

the business consumed my whole life. This is

thirty people would be jobless. I had to dream

when I started feeling uncomfortable. There were

again, the way I had dreamt in 2000 about

numerous challenges and I was in a bad place

having my own business. He confirmed that I was

emotionally.

where I needed to be and gave me Mark10:27 “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘with man this

Through discussions with my church family and my

is impossible, but not with God; all things are

Me2 group I realized that although this felt like an

possible with God.’” In my dream I told God that

“emotional low”, I was in a good place. I could

I do not have the knowledge or finances to make

not rely on myself, I had to rely on God. I didn’t

this work. God responded that I should do what I

have to try and work it all out myself. Even with

can, and He would do the rest.

this renewed perspective, by the beginning of 2013 I did not want to continue with the business

In 2015 we started many new projects. This

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brought lots of growth but came with new

With fresh hope, and complete trust in God,

challenges that tested our faith more than ever.

we moved to a new building and signed new contracts. Cashflow was still a challenge though.

Regardless of how I felt, I clung to the knowledge

I thought things would be more comfortable over

that I had heard His voice in 2014. Yet, I still asked

time, but I need to remind myself constantly that

Him for three confirmations within the next week

God has always been faithful and will always be

because I was ready to run away! That same day

faithful. When fear grips me, I run to the Word.

I got my first confirmation, which I later doubted.

There have been many times where we had to

Nonetheless, God was faithful and by the end

trust God for weekly wages and monthly salaries,

of the week He had given me all three of the

but it is with great joy that I can share with you

confirmations I had asked for. Three people came

that we were able to end our 2017 financial year

to me, unaware of what I had asked God, and

with a profit.

told me that I should dream again. God wanted me to dream again!

I would never have been where I am today if it was not for the grace of God.

I continued to trust God for wisdom and help.

What have I learned the past 17 years?

Between 2015 and 2016 we faced challenges that

•

were humanly impossible. Everyone prayed and

do, and He will carry you through all your

God was faithful. My most difficult year in business became the year of miracles. We received

Listen to the voice of God in everything you challenges.

•

machines from the government that caused us

Trust God to show you who can mentor you and walk with you. They will lift your arms

to improve our production by leaps and bounds.

when you can’t anymore.

Again, fear tried to grip me because growth in my

•

Trust in God’s timing. He knows best.

world means more stress, bigger cash-flow, more

•

When I worry, it is usually because I am

people, nothing about growth made me excited.

trying to do it on my own. When I have peace, I know God is in control.

At the beginning of 2017 I asked God for a

•

scripture, I felt hopeless and alone. God gave me

might say ‘no’, but with God everything is

Jeremiah 43:18-19, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I

People may say ‘no’ and circumstances possible.

•

will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall

Do not trust in your own strength to fight against fear. Trust in the grace of God.

you not know it? I will even make a road in the

•

wilderness and rivers in the desert.” This was very

_

Be grateful.

encouraging. After reading this verse, I was able

Elizabeth and her family live in Stellenbosch, South

to shake off any form of fear.

Africa. She is part of the floursihing me2 Mentoring group at Paarl Family Church.

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“People may say “NO” and circumstances might say “NO” but with God everything is possible!

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Photography: Unsplash

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WEAR

BY R U T H PA S Q U E S

H A I R AC C E S S O R I E S Hair accessories are not just for “jazzing up” your school uniform as a teenage. Whether it’s a cute animal hair clip, a hair scrunchy, a head band/scarf or even a baker’s cap, they are back in all their glory.

Who would have thought that this look is now starting to flood our Pinterest feeds.

Bored of the same old hairstyles? These accessories are great for glamming up an outfit or for those dreaded bad hair days. Start experimenting with bright patterns, different textures or even mulitple hairclips.

Go have some fun with your hair!

Photography: Pinterest

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EAT

THAI GREEN CURRY

B Y A N N E G A L LO WAY

This thai curry is a staple in our household. Full of flavour and fragrant aromas from all the herbs and spices, it is simple to make and is always a hit. Serve with Jasmine rice.

INGREDIENTS:

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•

500g of boneless, skinless chicken, cubed

•

1 teaspoon fresh ginger, peeled and grated

•

1 cup of broccoli

•

2 tins of coconut milk

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half a cup of baby marrow/zucchini

•

1 tablespoon light soy sauce

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half a cup of baby corn

•

1 tablespoon fish sauce

•

2 tablespoons cooking oil

•

2 tablespoons palm sugar

•

2 tablespoons green curry paste

•

½ cup coriander leaves, for garnish

•

1 onions chopped

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half a lime, juiced.

•

3 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped

1.

Heat oil on medium and stir in curry paste. Cook for 1 minute until fragrant.

2.

Stir in onions, garlic, and ginger; cook an additional 2 minutes.

3.

Stir the coconut milk, fish sauce, soy sauce, and palm sugar into the curry mixture. Simmer for 2 minutes.

4.

Add chicken. Simmer for 5 min on medium heat.

5.

Add vegetables. Simmer over medium heat for 15 minutes or until chicken and vegetables are tender.

6.

Serve garnished with cilantro leaves and lime juice.

Photography: Unsplash Photography: unsplash.com

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