Area Woman Magazine Oct/Nov '20

Shannan Stanke finding hope

Frank Darko Boppa’s Bagels

Brent Srejma Aspire Bank

Here is where we make our stand.

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family

TAYLOR JANE PHOTOGRAPHY

Hi! I'm the Taylor in Taylor Jane Photography. I specialize in newborns, maternity and families. Photography is my passion and I pride myself on safety and education when handling the tiniest humans!

our writers

are the voice of Area Woman Magazine. They bring to life the Fargo-Moorhead area and the incredible stories of the women we feature. These are the talented contributors showcased in this issue. Learn more about these and our other contributors at areawomanmagazine.com .

JOYCE EISENBRAUN

Joyce Eisenbraun enjoys the opportunities that writing has given to explore new ideas, meet new people and gain a better understanding of the community and the world.

A native of North Dakota, Joyce is a graduate of NDSU, enjoys traveling, gardening, and the adventures of grandparenting, and owns her own marketing company. She and her husband, Dennis, live in Fargo.

Our cover story was photographed by Taylor Jane Photography and written by Joyce Eisenbraun, page 56.

KRISTI HUBER

Kristi Huber is the president and CEO of United Way of Cass-Clay. She is passionate about our local community, volunteering and connecting people in ways that will enhance their quality of life and help them reach their dreams. Kristi and her husband Gregg are avid hockey fans, and live in West Fargo with their dog, Tazer.

ANGEL EVENSON

Driven by her goal of leaving you happier than before you met, Angel's main goal in life is laughter. She owns her dream, AKA, where she is a multifaceted consultant and coach. Her expertise ranges from sales and marketing to writing, educating and fitness. Her man-bun wearing husband and two precious kids keep her grounded, fulfilled and grateful. Stop by for a daily dose of yoga, motherhood and all things life-inspired on her blog angelskeenangles.com and instagram @angelskeenangles.

AUBREY TYSON

Aubrey is a lover of wine, working out, reading, all things Gilmore Girls and Target. She has a deep passion for writing, travel and the entrepreneur lifestyle. Her company Brey Tyson Digital & Design focuses on digital marketing, website design and graphic design for small to mid-size businesses. Mother of two and wife to a Brit, she takes life one day at a time while reveling in the chaos of family life.

JON-MICHAEL SHERMAN 701-306-1288

TAMIE ZACCHEA 701-306-7932 photography

5 FOOT 20 DESIGN LOUNGE

BRITTA THE PHOTOGRAPHER

EXPRESSIONS BY ASHTON

FLORA PINE PHOTOGRAPHY

JUSTIN EILER

MIKE SMITH

TAYLOR JANE PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTO : FLORA PINE PHOTOGRAPHY

raising caring kids

LOCAL MOMS LEADING BY EXAMPLE

If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.

These are familiar words to many of us, and especially poignant as we reflect on how our individual actions play a role in shaping the future of our community. For many families, these words are inspiring and motivate parents to be role models who intentionally share a love of community with their kids.

For other families, the concept of “home” is out of reach. On any given night in our community, more than 1,000 people are homeless. This is such an important topic for families to discuss because it’s an easy one to avoid — especially when we’ve all been staying closer to home.

A few weeks ago, a mom and her young daughter stopped by the United Way office looking for information about the School Supply Drive. Nicole and her daughter Hannah shared how excited and grateful they were to have an apartment as their home, after living in a homeless shelter for nearly a year, and prior to that, living in a tent in Lindenwood during Fargo’s winter months.

Most kids in our community never experience the feeling of homelessness, but with the help of their parents, they do have an opportunity to experience understanding, empathy and the passion to give back. As a community, we have the opportunity to change the world for families like Nicole’s.

And it begins with setting the example for the next generation of caring, volunteering and giving. It means being thoughtful and innovative about how we help those in need. How could it have been different if we could rewind their story and help Nicole before she became homeless — before she had to make the difficult decision to live in a tent or open the door to a local homeless shelter? United Way of Cass-Clay’s goal is to work together as a community to prevent 90% of families and children from becoming homeless by 2023.

Solving our community’s challenges takes all of us working together now, while at the same time, intentionally inspiring the next generation to continue creating a better tomorrow. In this social media-focused world, it is easy for older kids to be motivated by likes and shares, and young kids to not understand why and how some kids don’t have the things their parents make sure they have every day.

Thankfully, parents in our community want to raise kids that are caring, empathetic and aware of the needs of others, but it’s challenging. The challenge can be overcome with intentionality, and leaning on the successes and inspiration from others. Parents, like the moms you’re about to meet, lead by example and show their kids how to live a life focused on community and caring about others. These women not only make our community today better, but inspire those around them.

WORDS : KRISTI HUBER PHOTOGRAPHY : MIKE SMITH

Sarah Kennedy Swier and her son Liam, 8, and daughter Leni, 4

As mom to Liam and Leni, Sarah Kennedy Swier actively tries to see the world through her children’s eyes and encourages parents to put context around tough subjects like hunger, discrimination and homelessness. She says, “I have been known to pause a story or movie to ask my kids what they think is happening, how they feel, what is right or wrong — it took us an extra hour to get through the movie “Wonder” for this reason.” She encourages all people, not just parents, to ask those questions about tough community issues. As the Homeless Prevention and Diversion Director at Presentation Partners in Housing, preventing homelessness is dear to her heart, and she recognizes the need for United Way to rally the community around an innovative solution — one that anyone, no matter their age, can understand and support. “All people deserve a home. The cure for homelessness is housing for those experiencing it and prevention for those who are on the verge,” she says. Demonstrating empathy and helping kids explore ways to get involved in issues that they care about can begin at a young age. “There are few things greater than watching a child realize their ability to impact their own world. The golden rule is a worthy place to start,” she says. she says.

Lisa Borgen and her daughters CeCe, 24, and Jaidyn, 10

As a former Clay County attorney and district judge, the leadership of Lisa Borgen — now V.P. of Administration for American Crystal Sugar Company and current chair of the United Way Board of Trustees — has certainly made an imprint on our community. But none of her leadership roles are more important than the role of mom to her two daughters, CeCe and Jaidyn. “Teaching children empathy is something my parents taught me. It's natural for my husband Brad and I to teach our children these same values.” When it comes to starting this conversation with her daughters, she says, “The news is a perfect opening to talk about social justice, equality and the hope for our country and community to respect and be kind to everyone. Talking about kindness and doing something good for a friend, classmate or neighbor is a great way to model what it means to LIVE UNITED every day.”

My mom taught me that we are all neighbors and should help each other every chance we can.

— Liam Swier, 8

My mom says we need to get involved and help make our town be the best. — Jaidyn Borgen, 10

Kimberly Busch and her son Mauer, 11

“Time, talents and treasures are gifts. When we give them, it should be to something meaningful,” says Kimberly Busch, whose son, Mauer, has watched his mom, a director at Rejuv Medical Aesthetic Clinic, serve as a United Way volunteer for more than a decade. “It’s important that our son sees the world as something that we give to, not take from. There is no greater lesson I want my son to know.” When a child sees someone who is homeless or in need of help, Kimberly encourages parents to ask their children about their experience. “I ask Mauer to think about what someone may be going through,” she says. Each year, Mauer gets an allowance for the United Way School Supply Drive, and their entire family shops for donations together. “I love this community. I want my son to share the feeling that we belong to something, and we rally together for our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers and our businesses. We are all intertwined in some way. When we help one person or a family, there is a ripple effect that spills out and boomerangs back.”

Tiffany Scheel and her daughter Miranda, 17

After volunteering in 2017, Tiffany Scheel knew the United Way School Supply Drive was a way to share her love of giving back with her teenage daughter, Miranda, and the two made an incredible commitment — to volunteer together throughout the month-long project to help meet the goal of helping 6,000 students. The motherdaughter duo worked shoulder to shoulder, counting and organizing backpacks, and experienced together the feeling of seeing the light in a child’s eyes when they are given a backpack to help them feel confident on their first day of school.

“Watching the community and volunteers pull together to make sure over 6,000 kids have what they need for the start of school is truly heartwarming,” says Tiffany, who made history by being the first mother-daughter team to volunteer as committee members, and watched her daughter serve as the first-ever Student Ambassador.

“As a parent, my goal is to make sure my kids know that they have been blessed and given so much in life, and their job is to share their blessings with others.” Tiffany shares that volunteering together as a family among people with shared values is key. “The people with United Way are some of most amazing people I have met. Everything they do is to help others.”

My mom taught me that some people don’t have homes and we need to help. I help others because I think it’s the right thing to do.

— Mauer Gudding, 11

To me, “Living United” means that we are all impacting the world together.

— Miranda Scheel, 17

Joanna Slominski and her sons Grant, 11, and Mathody, 4

Joanna Slominski was raised in rural Minnesota where her family struggled, but made ends meet. “I want my children to understand that they are very lucky to have their basic needs met, and many others aren’t as fortunate,” she says. As a Market Executive for Mortenson and a United Way Board of Trustees volunteer, she plays a vital role on the United Way governance and building committees. She also is a mom to two sons, Grant and Mathody, and sees how our small day-to-day actions influence our future community. Recently, her son had an idea to create care packages with hand warmers, snacks and hand-written blessings to have on hand to give to those in need as they drove through downtown Fargo.

“It is important to support kids when they have ideas to give back,” she says, and added that encouraging children to invest their own money to give to others helps them become more invested in the lives of others. “As a mom, it isn’t lost on me that we only get 18 short years to influence our children to grow up to be good humans with empathy for others.”

My mom taught me that something good you do today could aff ect the rest of a person’s life. Why wouldn’t you want to do that? — Grant Slominski, 11

PANDEMIC trick-or-treating

Follow Angel's Keen Angles on INSTAGRAM + FACEBOOK : @angelskeenangles

WEBSITE : angelskeenangles.com

Family Halloween costumes. The one thing I was never told that I would love about being a parent. I’ve always said that I will give my kids enough dysfunction to make them funny and I guess you could consider this part of that dysfunction. Or, in my mind, the best part about being a parent … until one day they tell me I’m weird and no longer want to participate. For now, I will revel in the fact that they spend half the year trying to decide what our family will be and can barely keep their excitement in check on Halloween day.

I will revel in the fact that they spend

We all know this year will be different though, my friend. It has been the year of rolling with the punches, and different doesn’t have to be bad! It may just require us to be a little more creative. And you can bet we will still be dressing up as a family.

Here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing this year.

GLOW IN THE DARK EGG SCAVENGER HUNT

Dig those Easter eggs out of the basement and put a glow stick and candy in each of them. Have everyone put on their costumes and tell them you have a surprise as you hand them their trick-or-treating bag and send them on a scavenger hunt. You can even create a friendly competition by having prizes!

LINE UP INDIVIDUAL BAGS ON YOUR DRIVEWAY for trick-or-treaters

To accommodate trick-or-treaters that still go out, safely package individual bags to set up in your driveway. You can even go as far as accommodating for allergies by putting a teal pumpkin in front of the bags that are allergy friendly. We lean toward giving toys or fun project gifts instead of candy, so get creative!

DELIVER SPOOKY SURPRISES to doorsteps

Surprise special people in your life with spooky surprises you made. Task your kids with the reverse style trick-or-treating by driving around and delivering the surprises such as:

» Flashlights to tell ghost stories

» Jack in the box

» Spooky decorated facemasks

HAVE A FAMILY SCIENCE HALLOWEEN PARTY

Halloween is the perfect time to partake in a few science projects, and kids love them! There are so many Halloween science project ideas online so don’t hold back, get a little crazy.

OUTDOOR HALLOWEEN MOVIE & S’MORE PARTY

Dress in your costumes and set up an outdoor movie (even if that means it’s on the iPad!) Roast marshmallows and enjoy your snack together while you watch your spooky show.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope you enjoy a little more family time. And, if you’re a family that loves dressing up too, make sure to follow me on social media so we can share our crazy photos!

Always in love,

living and loving well

Dealing with our own “stuff ” has been challenging enough in recent months. On top of that, we’re faced with difficulties in the physical, emotional and spiritual lives of people around us. I hear daily from couples and individuals who are facing fears, disappointments and unwanted surprises that they don’t feel equipped to handle. They are being asked to take on more responsibility, and oftentimes with less tools, time or emotional capacity than they normally have (whatever “normal” is these days).

So … how do we cope? How do we decide what to say yes to, when to say no? And how do we process the responses our yes or no elicits?

In a word … boundaries.

Renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud has been enlightening people on the subject since he and Dr. John Townsend coauthored “Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” in 1992. In the 28 years since they have written dozens of books on the topic (“Boundaries In Marriage,” “Boundaries With Kids,” “Boundaries for Leaders,” “Boundaries with Teens,” “Boundaries in Dating” and more) and sold millions of copies. So clearly this is an important topic.

Questions I often get when proposing the use of boundaries are: Will the other person be angry? Isn’t it better to just suck it up? Isn’t yes always the more loving, more Christian answer? What if the person needs me to do it? Isn’t saying no selfish?

And if we buy into the boundaries concept how do we implement them, especially in our North Dakota/ Minnesota “nice” culture, where answering with anything less than “absolutely” is often construed as rude? Well, let’s start with the “why,” because it’s what shapes your motivation for the “how.”

What’s going to be better about your life with boundaries? What if learning and implementing boundaries can help your relationships? A life without limits means constantly people pleasing. Consider how exhausting it would be to be expected to carry around a bucket with a giant hole in it, do nothing to patch the hole, but keep the bucket full of water at all times.

Here are several ways boundaries will make your life better:

Increased self-awareness and self-care – The ability to recognize and have a healthy separation between your thoughts and feelings and those of others and prioritize your own well-being is important. It is not selfish to take care of yourself!

Become a better friend and partner – You’ll become more aware of others’ needs, have healthy limits and not violate their boundaries. Your capacity for compassion is improved. Others discover that they can have their own boundaries as you model them. And your yeses become more heartfelt and loving.

Decreased stress – Constantly tending to others’ needs leads to exhaustion and burnout. Eventually we become too drained to accomplish things for ourself or others.

WORDS : WENDY REGNER PHOTOGRAPHY : ALMOS BECHTOLD, unsplash.com

Improved communication – Understanding and embracing boundaries helps you be more clear and concise, transparent and understood.

Increased ability to trust – Expressing your boundaries means you’re trusting others to handle your emotions and needs lovingly. Increased trust leads to improved relationships.

Improved ability to say no in a loving way and feel less anger – No is a small but powerful word. It’s also a full sentence. Resentment is decreased. Disappointment is minimized. Openness leads to clarity and you feel the positive effects of having more control over your life.

More doing the things you’ve wanted to do – Oh the freedom in not having an unreasonable, seemingly impossible list of obligations. There is more time to do the things you want to do. I don’t know about you but that always improves my mood.

Now that you have an overview of the “why,” the “how” is your next step. As you’re probably guessing, it’s not necessarily quick or simple but most great things in life aren’t! So give yourself permission to find someone who can help guide, encourage and cheer you on in learning to use boundaries to live and love well.

WENDY REGNER To Have and To Hold Couples Care

Wendy is a licensed professional counselor in private practice at To Have & To Hold Couples Care/Journey of Hope Counseling in Fargo. She is a member of the American Counseling Association (ACA), American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), a lifetime member of the Boundaries.me network, a Certified SYMBIS Pre-marital Preparation Facilitator, and a Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy practitioner. She has a passion for helping couples and individuals navigate the challenges life brings and learn to bravely live life to the fullest.

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REFRESH

Although Kitchen Refresh is known for coming into a home and updating existing cabinetry for a large percentage of their clients, sometimes certain layouts hinder functionality. This is the position the owners of this home found themselves in. The layout simply did not meet the needs of their busy family-focused home and limited their ability to entertain effectively. The homeowners dreamed of opening up the space and reconfiguring it to fit their goals and personal style.

Once the wall came down, the Kitchen Refresh team came in with new unfinished cabinet boxes to create the functionality our clients were looking for. Our designer coordinated new quartz counter tops, flooring and backsplash to customize the space for the homeowners. An inefficient closet was removed, and a small coffee bar now replaces it. The new island features a roll out trash/recycling unit and houses the microwave, surrounded by much needed drawer storage, and offers another dining space for our busy family. Extending the cabinets to the ceiling increased storage and added visual impact by drawing focus to the beautiful hood vent the client was dreaming of.

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celebrating 7 years SERVING RED RIVER VALLEY

Since 2013, Northern Stone has happily served FargoMoorhead residents with their knowledge and expertise of granite and quartz products. Celebrating their 7th anniversary in 2020, the team at Northern Stone is also proud to showcase their new location in West Fargo.

Tina Flach, sales and marketing director for Northern Stone credited their success to earnest hard work, quality products and reliable old-fashioned customer service.

WORDS : AUBREY TYSON PHOTOGRAPHY : DENNIS KRULL, 5 FOOT 20 DESIGN LOUNGE

With the opening of their new location, Northern Stone has the availability to show homeowners the differences between popular granite and quartz countertops as well as upcoming trends that will emerge in 2021. They have also set up their showroom to include finished products including kitchen counters with sinks and cabinetry, giving customers an expanded view on the availability of options.

“When customers come to us for their countertop needs, we are happy to be able to show them a variety of styles both in slab style and in the completed form laid out in our showroom. We want our customers to be able to see and feel the difference between the various types of granite and quartz,” says Flach.

The difference between granite and quartz and other popular countertop options is durability. Both granite and quartz are extremely durable, taking the brunt of everyday life with ease. While quartz is often the choice of countertops, Flach encourages homeowners to also consider granite. Granite is known for its unique color choices that seem endless.

The process of choosing the right countertops for your kitchen or bathroom can seem endless but not when it comes to working with Northern Stone.

“We pride ourselves on going the extra mile for our clients. From the moment they walk in the door, to the reveal of their finished product, we are with them every step of the way. The process of choosing new countertops for your home improvement projects can seem daunting, but with our guidance and support, we will make sure your project is completed with little worry or stress,” adds Flach.

When discussing popular trends that will emerge in 2021, the team at Northern Stone had one word, matte. Those seeking a more modern and contemporary look may be attracted to matte finish surfaces with their honed, leathered and sueded style versions. Quartz remains a close contender with its wide variety of colors and options that can be matched with almost any decor and style theme.

From kitchen and bathroom countertops to showers, window sills and outdoor kitchens, Northern Stone has the right product and the expert knowledge to help you choose the right option for your home. You can visit them at their new location, 1126 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, or view some of their finished projects online at northernstone.com.

IT'S COMING, you know it is

We don’t know when or how much, but snow is inevitable in North Dakota and Minnesota. The last couple of have years have seen record snow fall in the region, and this year is predicted to be heavy as well.

Precision Lawn & Landscape can handle your snow removal needs, on a contracted or as-needed basis, to help you deal with what can be the biggest burden of winter. The professionals at Precision would like to offer the following snow management tips.

1. USE TALL STAKES AROUND DRIVEWAYS AND WALKWAYS

It’s helpful to plant large stakes around your driveway and other walkways. When hiring a professional like Precision Lawn & Landscape, the stakes will be provided for you and removed at the end of the season. While you may think you’ll know exactly where your driveway is, it’s not as easy to locate with a couple of feet of snow.

2. USE A GOOD SHOVEL

Shoveling snow during the winter is typically cold and time consuming. Hiring a professional service can alleviate this early morning hassle. However, if you’re going it alone, a good shovel will make all the difference. While it might be tempting to buy a cheap shovel when you’re making your decision, it’s not always advisable to go with the cheapest option.

Ergonomic shovels will save you a lot of back pain and make pushing snow easier on light snow falls. However, when shoveling back piles, straight handle shovels will be more effective and easier to use. If you’re property suffers from routine heavy drifts, and you do not have a snow blower, you may consider buying both types to ensure you’re using the right tool for the job.

There are a few factors to keep in mind when picking the best shovel for your property. First, a metal bladed shovel can cause damage and scratching on your porch or driveway. Most professionals will not use metal bladed shovels to protect your concrete. Plastic shovels come in a range of sizes and hardness. Small shovels are going to be easy to use but less time efficient, while larger shovels will be quicker but a lot more intensive. Soft plastic shovels will degrade faster due to friction but are more tolerant of severe cold and don’t break as easily. Hard plastic shovels cut into snow more easily but tend to chip or break in severe cold. To get the maximum return on your shovel, store it inside when its not used. Prolonged exposure to severe cold can make the plastic more brittle and prone to damage.

3. AVOID PLACING SNOW NEAR THE FOUNDATION

This is a mistake that a lot of homeowners simply don’t consider when they’re removing snow. Whether they’re removing snow from a roof, from a deck, or from the driveway, you should avoid piling snow next to the side of your house. This will only lead to issues such as frozen pipes and even potentially cause cracks in your home’s foundation.

4. BE SAFE

Shoveling snow can be a grueling activity, especially as you get older. If you don’t plan to hire a professional snow removal service like Precision Lawn & Landscape, then it’s best that you follow these safety tips.

• Bend your knees and lift with your legs.

• Keep the blade close to you as you lift the snow.

• Switch between shoveling left-handed and right-handed to avoid overstraining one side of the body.

• Periodically switch your grip between overhand and underhand.

• Disperse the snow as you go and avoid making large piles.

• Know your limits.

5. SHOVEL OFTEN

Whenever you’re removing snow, the reality is that it needs to be done frequently. Many snow removal companies may even visit multiple times during severe storms, especially if there’s high winds. It’s much easier and faster to shovel three inches of snow twice than six inches of snow once. If snow starts to accumulate, try to stay ahead of it and routinely shovel throughout the storm, your body will thank you. If the snow becomes unmanageable, do not hesitate to call Precision Lawn & Landscape for a one-time cleanup.

6. SHOVEL FLAT ROOFS

If you have a flat roof that is easily accessible, you can shovel your roof, but it’s important that you don’t damage your roof covering. Also, you should always consider your own personal safety before attempting to shovel your roof.

7. USE ROOF RAKES FOR SLOPED ROOFS

It may be possible to remove snow and ice from a sloped roof using a roof rake, which is a long-handled tool that is specifically designed for this reason.

8. CONSIDER THE IMPACT OF ICE MELT

There are a bunch of different options you can use to eliminate a slippery driveway and even a walkway such as salt (sodium chloride), calcium chloride, calcium magnesium acetate and urea. Learning about the potential consequences of using each form of ice melt is important because these items can end up damaging plants, damaging flooring in your house, damage or discolor your pavement, or harm your pets.

9. CALL PRECISION LAWN AND LANDSCAPE

We do the heavy lifting all year long. These tips will help you work through snow removal on your own if needed, but we’ve got your back, literally. Precision Lawn & Landscape offers residential and commercial snow removal, roof snow removal, ice dam removal, hauling, deicing and much more. Don’t spend another year dreading the snow!

the Family is in the HOUSE

WORDS : TAMIE ZACCHEA PHOTOGRAPHY : PROVIDED BY FOOTITT HOMES

FOOTITT HOMES features the family room

For builder Bob Footitt of Footitt Homes, the family room has always been a crucial part of any build. Bob is carrying on the over 40-year legacy of the Footitt name in home building in the Fargo area. After two decades of working with his father Bob Sr., Bob is continuing the tradition of creating finely crafted homes, with attention to detail and unique features that make each build a one-of-a-kind original.

Bob’s own family room is a testament to his dedication to both detail in his work and to his family. The Footitt family room features nine plasma screen televisions, so everyone can still gather while doing different things. A poker table and bar area complete the room, providing numerous seating and game playing options.

here’s no question how we live in our homes has changed this year. 2020 has had a unique impact on literally everyone. If there’s one silver lining for which we can be grateful, we are spending more time at home, with our families.

Vice President | Real Estate

Brenda Jacobson

The family rooms showcased have common elements: plenty of comfortable seating, accessible entertainment options, adequate lighting and a handy surface on which to put snacks and games. While these rooms have many of the same features, they are each unique in their design.

The fireplace is frequently central to the design of a family room, and acts as a focal point for entertainment and seating arrangements. Bob and his team have used homeowners’ desires for a specific fireplace design as a jumping-off point for the design of the family room and in some cases, the entire home.

Footitt Homes works consistently with Rigel's Appliances in Moorhead. Rigel's offers a wide selection of appliance options, including speciality items like the wine and small scale refrigerators featured. Wood Specialists, Carpet One/ Floor to Ceiling and Red River Tile work closely with Bob as well.

genetic testing AND YOUR MEDICAL CARE

WORDS : TARA EKREN PHOTOGRAPHY : PROVIDED BY ESSENTIA HEALTH

Whenreviewing family medical history, a woman and her doctor will talk about the prevalence of cancer, whether personal or in other family members. Has any family member, male or female, been diagnosed with breast cancer? Does ovarian or uterine cancer come up at all? What does other family members’ cancer diagnoses have to do with you?

Cancer is a genetic disease. The National Cancer Institute explains that cancer is caused by changes to genes that control the way our cells function, especially how they grow and divide. Genetic changes that promote cancer can be inherited from our parents, or they can be acquired during one’s lifetime as the result of errors that occur as cells divide, or from exposure to carcinogenic substances that damage DNA.

“If there is prevalence of breast cancer or other reproductive organ cancers that run in your family, you might benefit from genetic testing,” explains Cathleen McCann, a genetic counselor at Essentia Health. “Genetic testing is a medical test that identifies changes in chromosomes, genes or proteins. The genetic test can confirm or rule out a suspected genetic condition or help determine if a person has a higher chance of developing or passing on a genetic disorder.”

Of particular interest for women is knowing if you have a mutation of a BRCA gene or breast cancer gene. There are many different genes that have been found to impact a per-

son’s chances of developing breast cancer. It is important to note that every human has both the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. The genes do not actually cause breast cancer. The National Breast Cancer Foundation explains that the two genes normally play a big role in preventing breast cancer. They help repair DNA breaks that can lead to cancer and the uncontrolled growth of tumors. Because of this, the BRCA genes are known as tumor suppressor genes.

However, in some people, these genes don’t work properly. When a gene becomes altered or broken, it doesn’t function correctly, called a gene mutation. These gene mutations cause disease.

What will genetic testing tell me? What won’t it tell me?

Genetic testing will tell you if you are at an increased risk for certain genetic disorders. Examples of genetic disorders include cancers, Huntington’s Disease, muscular dystrophy, and Down syndrome, to name a few. Genetic testing will tell you if you have a genetic mutation.

What genetic testing generally won’t tell you is whether you will be afflicted with a genetic disorder at some point in your life. Unfortunately, genetic testing is not a crystal ball.

Using cancer as an example, if you are tested and deemed to have a higher than average risk for a certain type of cancer, there may be preventative steps you can take if your high risk lies within an “actionable” genetic mutation. This might include a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, beginning a course of medication or another treatment. A patient with a higher risk of cancer will likely have greater surveillance of their health to try and diagnose any cancer in an early stage of development.

← Cathleen McCann, genetic counselor at Essentia Heath

Genetic testing details can also be used in the treatment of some kinds of cancers. Doctors can develop treatment specific to the genetic structure of a patient’s cancer.

Not a decision to be taken lightly

Genetic testing is not a decision to be made lightly. It’s important to think about why you are considering genetic testing. What are the pros and cons? Who are you trying to find information for? Yourself? Future generations? Are your affairs in order, including adequate life insurance, and a support system to count on during treatment or disease progression? These are all things that a genetic counselor will discuss with you at your initial visit.

Federal law prohibits denial of medical insurance due to genetic factors, but there is no law in place for things like life insurance or long-term disability. While you likely won’t lose these benefits if you have them prior to genetic testing, depending on test results, you may not be able to get additional coverage.

Other considerations for women

Beyond cancer, genetic testing may be used in recurring pregnancy losses. In a situation like this, both mother and father would be tested. McCann points out, “Generally, there is about a 40% chance of a genetic issue with the woman, a 40% chance of a genetic issue with the male and a 20% chance of an issue when the two come together.”

There may also be situations where testing children is necessary. Again, when a suspected genetic issue is possible, the mother, father and child will be tested in order to determine if a genetic mutation is hereditary and may affect future reproduction.

Where to get genetic testing

Genetic testing is available at Essentia HealthFargo. Cathleen McCann, certified genetic counselor, sees patients by referral only. If you think genetic counseling might be useful, talk with your primary care physician. You can also visit essentiahealth.org for more details on genetic testing and counseling.

HERO: Healthcare Equipment Recycling Organization

Initially known as "Project HERO," the organization we know today as HERO, Healthcare Equipment Recycling Organization, began right here in Fargo. In 1996, healthcare regulations changed the life span of medical supplies, which lead to a surplus of medical supplies and equipment going to waste due to the expiration date and the prohibition of re-shelving materials with opened outer wrappings. A group of operating room nurses saw how much usable material accumulated from the hospital. They believed in recycling through distribution; by giving donated medical materials to others.

Soon, bins for HERO were placed in the operating rooms. Anything unused was placed in the bin to be sorted for global missions. The number of agencies, health care facilities, and individuals joining the effort to recycle medical supplies continued to multiply.

Initially the organization's focus was to collect and redistribute supplies for local medical mission teams serving third world countries. In 2003, HERO began operating a small warehouse in Moorhead, Minnesota, for supplies being shipped to medical missions. However, the team soon recognized the need for more regional aid and decided to add a local focus to its mission.

In 2010, HERO moved warehouse space and opened a retail center in Fargo. The retail center supports all individuals who are seeking affordable medical supplies and equipment. Supplies and equipment recycled by HERO are available for purchase at the retail location in south Fargo to anyone, at 50% or more off retail prices. There is no income qualification necessary to purchase, and we welcome all

shoppers. The funds raised through the retail sales help to offset the costs of providing these items free to those who are unable to pay.

Since the organization began, HERO has served over 40,000 individuals who have received affordable healthcare and supplies. The organization exists so no individual goes without the medical products needed to preserve their independence, dignity and health. A sudden change in health status such as an accident, difficult illness, injury or economic circumstances can overwhelm anyone. Individuals who are overwhelmed by the cost of healthcare can find access to proper medical equipment and supplies for 50% of retail value or no cost at all through HERO.

HERO's mission is to provide access to affordable healthcare so no individual goes without. Since 2003, they have saved 1.6 million pounds from the landfill, served 43,000 individuals, waived $742,737 fees and assisted 755 global missions. All of this is accomplished with the help of others. Local and global partnerships as well as dedicated volunteers help HERO fill the gap for medical equipment and supplies. When no one takes action to serve individuals who are in need, most often those individuals have to choose between paying for food or basic healthcare. Together we can make a difference, locally, globally and environmentally.

Volunteers are the heart of HERO. They provide vital support needed for the day-to-day operations. Opportunities for individuals and groups include sorting and sanitizing incoming equipment donations, packaging and preparing pallets for shipment, equipment repair, and sales and administrative support.

It all started with the passion and dedication of that small group of O.R. nurses. An organization with such a humble beginning has become a large-scale operation with endless potential for helping many people.

FOR MORE INFORMATION on how you can make a difference with HERO, visit herofargo.org.

RUNNING HER WAY THROUGH CHEMO with

Cancer is a life-changing diagnosis. And for Kim Skarphol, who was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 2, 2020, her biggest worry was not being able to run.

“My hardest day was probably with the oncologist and finding out my chemo plan,” says Skarphol. “I wasn’t expecting it to be as aggressive as it was. She had to deliver the news that I probably won’t be able to do my running.”

Always running

Skarphol, 65, has pounded the pavement for most of her life. She says she couldn’t imagine not being able to do the activity that gives her the most joy, especially in the midst of both chemotherapy and a pandemic.

“I did the half mile in track in high school and then just ran all my life,” she explains. “Did a few marathons, qualified for Boston and ran Boston. I can’t put the mileage on as much anymore, but it’s still my passion. Mentally as well as physically.”

She continues, “I had this goofy idea of running through chemo — kind of like, come hell or high water, hold my beer and watch me do this.”

And she did — but not alone.

Running together

Skarphol has been a staple of the Fargo running community for years, and when she asked for even the slightest bit of support, she was greeted with more than she could’ve imagined.

She says, “I reached out to probably eight of my running buddies and said, ‘Hey, here’s my idea: I want to run to chemo. Here’s my schedule. If anyone can join me, that’d be great.’ And they said, ‘Oh, heck yeah, we’re in.'”

Each person Skarphol reached out to was there and ran with her for all four months of her chemotherapy — through rain or shine, snow or sleet, ice or wind.

“On March 9 I woke up and I knew there was a chance of ice and sleet,” she explains. “I looked out the window at 4:30 a.m. and there’s like half an inch of ice on the streets. I show up, and there’s eight people waiting.”

Despite it being 10 degrees with ice and 20-mile-an-hour wind that they had to run into, everyone was ready to run alongside her. And as Skarphol kept running, that support grew.

“There were 20 people on my last run. It was just so powerful,” she says.

a whole crew

Overwhelming support

Skarphol’s support went beyond the Fargo running community. She says her husband and two sons stepped up in a big way. One son even ran with her.

“I have a son in (Washington) D.C. and another here in Fargo,” she explains. “The diagnosis hit them really hard. My one in Fargo joined me on most of my runs. That was impressive because he doesn’t like to run, but he did it.”

She even had support from her oncologist, Anu Gabu, who ran with her to her first chemotherapy session.

“How can I ask for any more support than that?” says Skarphol.

Lifesaving screening

Skarphol says she was blessed with two things: the overwhelming support she received and finding the tumor while it was small.

“Thank goodness for mammograms,” she says. “They found it and called me that day — and caught it small. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have that mammogram. It was a triple negative, which is aggressive.”

Because she had so much support, Skarphol stresses the importance of reaching out to others, checking in with friends, and asking for help if you need it.

“There’s no reason to be alone at this time,” says Skarphol. “We all kind of feel like we’re stuck and alone, but there’s support everywhere, even on Facebook. Try to find at least one person who will just listen to you or maybe run with you. That’s really important.”

Call 701-234-2300

to schedule your mammogram today.

serves community through

COVID-19 CONTACT TRACING

Gretchen Dobervich is highly motivated and accomplished. She works as the public health policy project manager at North Dakota State University’s American Indian Public Health Resource Center and is passionate about serving her community.

She’s always pursuing knowledge and looking for ways to help others. That’s why she is currently enrolled in the Master of Public Health program at NDSU. She plans to graduate in 2022.

More importantly, though, Dobervich wants to help people live their best lives through social justice and societal equity. So, she volunteered through NDSU’s College of Health Professions to be a COVID-19 contact tracer with the North Dakota state health department.

WORDS : BRYNN RAWLINGS

PHOTOGRAPHY : JUSTIN EILER

“Having contact tracers who are familiar with American Indian culture, social protocols and the services in the Tribal Nations in North Dakota felt important to us at the American Indian Public Health Resource Center, so we all got trained,” Dobervich says.

The most rewarding part of contact tracing for Dobervich is answering questions and offering support to fellow North Dakotans who are in isolation or who have been exposed to the virus and are in quarantine.

The volunteer work has provided Dobervich with real-time experience of the public health core essentials working together to save lives during a pandemic.

When the North Dakota Department of Health put out a call for help, NDSU was able to provide many qualified individuals as contact tracers. The opportunity for students to help comes from the trusted relationship between College of Health Professions faculty and the state health department.

“The faculty at NDSU all come to the program with not only great academic knowledge, but rich, lived experience working in public health,” Dobervich says. “This really enhances the learning experiences and prepares you for your future.”

Dobervich says her Master of Public Health program experience has provided many new skills she can apply to her career at the American Indian Public Health Resource Center.

One of the many things learned during the COVID-19 pandemic is there is a great need for public health professionals.

IF YOU’RE INTERESTED in a rewarding health professions career, visit ndsu.edu/healthprofessions/. [ aw ]

Ecumen Evergreens of Moorhead | 512 3rd Ave. S | Moorhead, MN 56560

how I found my voice THROUGH

MARKETING

How does women’s language look to someone on the outside?

We talk in the passive voice. We hedge. We gossip. And we talk differently to our best friends than to someone we don’t know. And yes, this is generalizing big-time. But sometimes it’s good to look at the big picture from the outside to see what may be keeping us from finding our true voice.

Honestly, I found my voice through marketing.

Though we are stereotyped as either shy or talkers, many women struggle to speak in a non-passive voice. That is, we often hear or say, “X helped me Y.” We’re the passive participants in this kind of language. X is happening to or on us.

Marketing taught me to speak with agency. To say, “How I ‘Y’ through ‘X.’ ”

How I made friends with my inner critic

How I chose the road less traveled How I filled up three passports before marrying How I found my voice through marketing

When we switch from passive to active voice, things stop happening to or on us. It’s like we give ourselves permission to explore. Suddenly, we become the participant, the catalyst, the agent of change.

Marketing taught me to say what I mean.

You may have heard of hedging your bets. In communication, hedging means putting disclaimers around what we’re saying to make it less assertive:

“Some people think … [statement that I want to make] … you know?”

“ [Thing that I think] … isn’t it?”

“I may be wrong, but … [thing I want to say in a meeting] .”

Do you see how by hedging words and questions, we remove ourselves a bit from the statements we want to make, or the ideas we want to share? This softens the rejection if people don’t like our ideas, or don’t agree with them, but it does one more thing: it quiets our voice.

When you’re selling or marketing, every word counts. You have the permission to say what you mean. To cross off the “I may be wrong, but” before your statement. To transform the desire to have someone agree with you (“right?”) into the need for genuine customer feedback, engagement and conversions.

Good news, everyone! We can change our hedging habits.

Marketing taught me good gossip. The language of women includes social censure through gossip.

“She should have known better.”

“Did you hear?”

“Well, I can’t believe that she … ”

Women have their own language. I know, because after growing up in a family of all boys, I still struggle to speak it.

WORDS : SUE SKAVLEM, SKAVLEM DESIGNS

Can gossip even be good? What about marketing campaigns? Countdowns to new products or events? New hires you want to introduce with more than a title.

Good gossip is like good fat. It can strengthen your message and build your community.

When you have a good message and a good plan, use your new superpower for good gossip to get people interested and engaged.

“Five more days until … ”

“We’re so excited about … ”

“Top six ways that she … ”

Code-switching FTW.

Depending on your family dynamics, you probably talk about different topics using different words with your siblings than with Grandma. This is called code-switching. And we can do it in marketing too.

When you’re marketing, you may be introducing yourself to a whole new group of people (demographics).

This group may be different from you in: age range, industry, hobbies (let’s call this X). So how do you speak their language? You can start with a Google search.

Google: X terms (vocabulary, terminology)

Google: X events (trade shows, local impact, life events)

Google: X hobbies (interests, contests, culture)

If the terms or language you find in your search doesn’t sound natural for you, or are a bit rude, you don’t have to use them. The important thing is to know what the words mean, and what’s important to that group.

Speak in your genuine voice. Speak with agency. Speak with clarity. And speak with relevancy.

My marketing voice is clear, conversational and convincing. Now go and discover yours!

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Anne Carlsen has appointments available with our new nurse practitioner as well as our seasoned therapists immediately.

For more information, contact Sue Skavlem at designsthatdo.com. [ aw ]

Appointments are available in person or via telehealth services. For more information call 1-800-568-5175 or visit annecarlsen.org. Let Anne Carlsen be there for you. www.annecarlsen.org

WHO YOU KNOW MATTERS

Mentorship inspires confidence and connections

Nearly every college graduate seeking that first full-time job hears a version of this advice: It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

That advice is one reason Tori Folkestad, a senior business administration major at Minnesota State University Moorhead, took a one-credit course in the Paseka School of Business. The course called Executive Mentorship paired her with a professional mentor.

“There were lots of skills and networking circles I wanted to develop before going into a career,” Folkestad says. “I knew a mentor would help with that.”

What she didn’t anticipate is that her mentor, Brittany Grussing, would become a valued friend and cheerleader, someone she could reach out to with questions long after their formal commitment was over.

MSUM’s Executive Mentorship program began in 2013. Since then, nearly 300 students have been matched with professional mentors who represent industries across the region.

The program aims to increase students’ confidence and poise as they begin their professional careers, says Jane Pettinger, program coordinator and assistant professor in the Paseka School of Business. Mentors help students identify their talents and share advice to ease the transition from college to work.

“Our students are creative and smart and have a lot to offer, but they don’t always seem to realize that,” Pettinger says. “By interacting with area mentors, they realize they’re valuable.”

Folkestad was paired with Grussing, who works with patient experience at Sanford Health in Fargo. During the semester, the two women discussed topics ranging from past experiences to their personality assessments to how to act in an office setting.

Grussing helped Folkestad articulate her goals and introduced her to a professional work setting. After hearing that Folkestad wanted to feel more connected to the community, she invited the college student to volunteer and deliver Meals on Wheels with her.

WORDS : ERIN HEMME FROSLIE PHOTOGRAPHY : BRITTA TRYGSTAD

Brittany Grussing

← Brittany Grussing and Tori Folkestad continue to connect with each other long after the MSUM Executive Mentorship program.

But teaching and learning were a mutual pursuit. While Folkestad gleaned advice from Grussing, she shared her perspectives on what the upcoming generation of workers are like and how to use social media platforms effectively.

Learning from students is one reason Grussing has volunteered as a program mentor for the past four years.

“It’s as much about self-development for me as it is for the student. I get a chance to sit back, listen and learn,” Grussing says. “I feel like I receive as much as I give.”

She also sees value in giving students a glimpse into a professional environment before applying for their first post-graduation job. Grussing wishes she would’ve had that experience when she was a college student.

“Any of these students could be my boss someday, so I want to invest in them,” she says.

During the Executive Mentorship program, mentors and students meet two to four hours a month. Pettinger tries to pair students with someone who works in an industry or holds a position that the students are interested in.

While the formal relationship lasts for a semester, many mentor pairs stay in touch long beyond the end of the course. Folkestad is very comfortable reaching out to Grussing for advice as she starts her last semester of college. And Grussing is there to cheer her on. She points to Folkestad’s prior experiences in the food and beverage industry and her reflective nature.

“She’s phenomenal,” Grussing says. “She’ll succeed wherever she goes.”

As for Folkestad, she’s ready. Working with Grussing expanded her thinking and solidified her confidence.

“Before, I was nervous about entering the professional world,” she says. “Now, I know I’ll have a connection and relationship (with Grussing) if I need help in the future.”

practices for hygiene and safety during the Coronavirus outbreak have been reinforced with all Senior Helpers employees.

we all see color:

VOGEL LAWYER SHARES HER FAMILY’S BATTLE WITH RACISM

Jerilynn Brantner Adams was attending her then 17-year-old son Jackson’s varsity basketball game out of town. It was a game that would be painfully carved into her memory forever. Not because of a thrilling win or a devastating loss. It was a game where overt racism reared its ugly head when an opposing player called Jackson the N-word.

Watching her child experience racism was excruciating. “I remember seeing Jackson’s face. He pushed the kid. The ref called a technical foul. It was Jackson’s fifth foul and he was done with the game,” Jerilynn says as tears stream down her face. “The biggest heartbreak is when you can’t do anything. You can hug him, and you can try and talk to him, but I can’t tell him this won’t happen again. I can’t promise it will get better. I can’t make it better by myself. And as a mom, that’s really, really hard.”

Jerilynn is a lawyer at Vogel Law Firm in Fargo. She grew up in Harwood, North Dakota, going to public school through eighth grade and Oak Grove for high school. She attended Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota, for her undergrad and double majored in political science and business with an emphasis in accounting. She attended the University of North Dakota Law School and began practicing family law, following in her father’s footsteps.

WORDS : SADIE RUDOLPH, Flint Group PHOTOGRAPHY

that’s just your generation

Jerilynn has always looked up to her father, Jerry Brantner, who also was a lawyer at Vogel for 35 years. When she got engaged to her boyfriend, now husband, Jon Adams, Jerry wanted Jerilynn to be aware of some things. “He said, ‘We love Jon and want him to be part of our family, but we want you to understand that you are going to have additional issues that you are going to have to address,’” Jerilynn remembers.

Being a divorce lawyer, Jerry had a solid understanding of marital issues and wanted to make sure the newly engaged couple understood people would judge their marriage because they have different skin colors. “He said, ‘You’re pretty strong and you and Jon can probably deal with those issues, but if you’re going to have kids, they are going to have issues too,’” Jerilynn recalls. “I remember telling him that was just his generation and that things were different, but I was a little naïve. My parents were very accepting, but my dad understood there would be people who judged our kids because they are Black.”

I have white privilege

When the basketball game was over, Jackson didn’t want to talk or ride home with his teammates and he didn’t want to ride home with his mother. “It was awful. I don’t know if the refs heard it, but Jackson felt like he was getting punished for being subjected to racism and it was not fair,” Jerilynn recalls.

Jon wasn’t able to be at the game, but their then 19-year-old son Christian was, and he drove Jackson home. “Jackson talked to his dad about what happened. I couldn’t do anything, and he didn’t need anything from me, other than a hug when we got home,” Jerilynn says. “It’s hard, as a mom, because you see it and you want to fix it. But I’m white. I have white privilege. I can empathize. I can sympathize. But I don’t know what it feels like.”

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It’s more important than ever to communicate with speed and purpose. You can build a team of employees to do it, but it can take time and money.

When you partner with Flint Group, you can stack the odds in your favor by working with the region’s most accomplished marketing and communications experts – people who are ready to go all-in for your business success.

LET’S PUT YOUR TEAM TOGETHER.

Jerilynn feels fortunate because she says Jon is great at talking to the boys and her about racial issues. “I’ve always had the mantra that you can’t fight the whole world, and if you do, you can’t win,” Jon says. “So, I teach our kids that you can’t let racism stop you from achieving. You have to make intelligent decisions and react in a calculated manner. My son’s experience on the basketball court may have changed his demeanor, but he managed to maintain his sense of what is right, maintain a level of decorum and not let it disintegrate and affect what he wanted to accomplish.”

Even though Jerilynn felt helpless, Jackson is extremely proud of his mother. “She’s selfless,” he says. “She never puts herself above anybody else. She makes sure everyone around her is OK.”

When Jerilynn thinks about her white privilege, she says she doesn’t ever have to worry that when people meet her or when she goes out, she’ll be judged on the color of her skin. “Every time my kids go out, they do,” she says, recalling when the boys got their driver’s licenses. “Jon said he needed to talk to them about getting pulled over and I was like, ‘What do you mean you have to talk to them about getting pulled over?’ I take it for granted,” Jerilynn says. “If I get pulled over, I will reach over and pull out my license and I don’t think about those things.”

Jon taught the boys a protocol. If they get pulled over, he explained they need to place their wallet, license and insurance on the dashboard. If stopped at night, they must turn on the dome light. Most importantly, they must always keep their hands visible to the police officer.

“Even if they believe they’ve been pulled over for a bogus reason, Jon taught the boys they still need to follow the directions,” she says. “I’m guessing most white people don’t have to tell their kids that, but we did.”

not all Black students are athletes

Christian, who is now 23, has always been intelligent. He was the salutatorian when he graduated from Oak Grove Lutheran School in Fargo. In 2019, he graduated from the University of Minnesota with a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry. A talented athlete, he originally planned to attend Concordia to play football, but decided to go to the U of M last minute.

Christian wanted to concentrate on his education while learning more about people from different cultures and backgrounds. He says people always assumed he was there to play a sport because he looked athletic and was Black, and that hurt. “He worked so hard and those assumptions diminished everything that he worked for,” she says. “Christian told me that sometimes those smaller things are worse than being called the N-word or being overt. The little things start to add up and wear on you after a while.”

Even though those situations were difficult, Christian says his mother’s support helped him maintain his confidence to succeed. “She has high expectations but is still reasonable about the timeframe and believes that no matter what, we’ll get there,” he says.

overt versus covert racism

In the early years of their marriage, Jon and Jerilynn did some traveling. “I will say that when we traveled to the south, places like Nashville and Texas, we experienced more overt racism,” she remembers. “People yelled things at us about me being with a Black man. As an interracial couple, Black women were unhappy that I was with Jon. In the south, it was in your face.”

When comparing experiences with racism in the Fargo-Moorhead area, Jerilynn says it feels more covert. “The difference is that here, it’s behind your back. It’s as soon as you leave. It’s the whispers. It’s the looks,” she says. “People act like they’re not racist here, but they talk about you when you’re not there. Sometimes that’s harder.”

Jon calls it “North Dakota nice” or passive aggressive racism. “What is unique to the Midwest and North Dakota is the avoidance of the topic of race. No one wants to approach the topic because that doesn’t lend itself to polite conversation and people go out of their way to not offend or insult on the surface,” he says. “What we need to do is call out our friends, family or business partners when they make racist comments.”

When Jerilynn has tried to explain the importance of the racial equality movement to friends or acquaintances, at times she finds they try to change the subject or equate it to an inequivalent issue their family is facing. People try to offer justification uttering the phrase “we don’t see color” and you can see the frustration in Jerilynn’s eyes when she explains why the statement is unacceptable. “Everyone sees color. And to pretend you don’t see color is to ignore the fact that racism exists,” she says.

Jon says Jerilynn’s moral compass and sense of right and wrong is impeccable. “If it’s right, it’s right. If it’s not, we’re going to correct it,” he says. “Those are her values and I wouldn’t be able to do the things I do if it weren’t for her. I’m a better person because of her.”

racial inequality today

Jerilynn is thankful conversations about racial inequality are opening up. “Over the last several years, we’ve had more racial tensions. Maybe forcing people to talk about it might not be such a bad thing,” she says.

Jackson, who is now 21 and a senior at North Dakota State University in the School of Engineering, wants to be part of the change. “I am so proud of him, but, at the same time, I am a mom and I worry every time he goes to a protest. I just want him to stay safe,” she says. “Protest. Be part of the change. I get that. I want to be part of the change too. But just stay safe.”

On May 31, Jackson was protesting in Minneapolis when a semi-truck drove into a crowd of protesters on the I-35W bridge. Jerilynn and Jon have a photo where they can see Jackson on the bridge with the truck. “To know Jackson was on the bridge when that semi came through — it’s your worst fear and you’re helpless,” Jon says.

Jerilynn believes eliminating racial inequality requires participation from everyone to make change. “No matter what color, what background, everyone needs to step forward,” she says. “When I watch these protests, it’s not just African Americans and minorities, it’s white people getting involved and wanting change too.”

Jon also says there are people on both sides of the fence wanting change. “There are a lot of good people in the Fargo-Moorhead area. The kids — black and white — that are out there protesting, are doing so to get things done,” Jon says. “They want change and will continue to protest until there is positive change. They are making moves. It’s important for us to get out of the way and let them make change.”

The Brantner Adams family believes the best way to improve race relations starts within your own community. The first thing is admitting racism and white privilege exist. Jon says it’s important to help people of color the way they want to be helped. “Even though people mean well, the way you want to help might not be the best way,” he says.

Jerilynn acknowledges her white privilege and uses it for good. Educating yourself and your community about other cultures and lifting each other up is key. Additionally, she says we must speak up when we see or hear racism. “It starts at home. Don’t let racism be part of your household. Children learn from their parents’ conduct,” she says. “Be a good role model.” [ aw ]

MSUM and the Paseka School of Business have made me a well-rounded person. I’ve established relationships with faculty who helped me excel in the classroom and created a solid base for business success. Assistant Professor Wooyang was an incredible mentor because he made me believe I could do more than I thought possible.”

– Drew Sannes, Business Administration ’16, Master of Business Administration ’18

MSUM’s Paseka School of Business offers students dedicated faculty, executive mentorship, hands-on learning, and research and consulting opportunities.

Sha an Stanke

“

There’s no way I’m coming out of this without some kind of new superpower ...

WORDS : JOYCE EISENBRAUN

PHOTOGRAPHY : TAYLOR JANE PHOTOGRAPHY

after two years of grieving

the tragic and sudden loss of her husband, Shannan Stanke reflected on her journey. “Although our/my story is public, the insights I’ve gained are not,” she says. “I’ve learned not to fight the process of grief, and I’m learning to face the fears and the tears.”

Stanke’s story began in the typical way. She and her husband, Greg, met at MSUM while both were pursuing degrees in exercise science. They got married and became the proud parents of three daughters. They started a moving business in 1998. His focus was on making it successful, while

she helped part-time, homeschooled their daughters, and worked in the fitness industry. His athletic hobbies, from playing football in college, to cowboy mounted shooting as an adult, were physically demanding. What Stanke didn’t recognize was the reason for Greg’s “mid-life crisis” that started in about 2012.

“We always sent out Christmas pictures,” she recalls, “but the camera roll in 2014 had only one photo of Greg not looking angry — so everything else had to be photoshopped.” Stanke recalled him saying that he felt frustrated and often reacting in anger to slight things. Greg’s escalating insensitivity and lack of empathy resulted in regular visits with a marriage counselor. He began working out at the gym twice a day to counter the slump he was in, focusing on his hobbies while neglecting home and family.

A serious horse accident in May of 2018 resulted in Greg losing consciousness, and the changes in Greg’s personality came faster. He became forgetful, erratic and impulsive, often unable to de-escalate from states of anger and frustration.

Stanke says simply, “It was scary. But I never once considered brain injuries as an explanation.” A lifetime of competitive sports resulted in numerous head traumas: playing defensive and offensive line in football, the multiple times he’d hit the ground while training a horse or competing. Greg was living with an undiagnosed brain disease. He took his own life two years ago in September.

Greg Stanke

a new identity

“I lost more than my partner, my husband, and my life,” Stanke says quietly, “I lost my identity. Who I was before — mom, wife, homemaker, crafter, cook, gardener, girlfriend, fitness instructor — living the ‘mom-and-wife-life’ — is gone. The trauma, guilt and grief were overwhelming.”

A series of calamities followed that added to her grief: difficulties with the interim staff at the moving business, trucks breaking down, their home septic tank and deck collapsing, the skid loader they used to feed their horses broke while battling a harsh winter and 10-foot drifts. It seemed unending.

“When I didn’t think I could hold on any longer, I had to recall something my brother told me right after Greg died,” Stanke recalls. “He said, ‘You probably feel the most unloved you ever have and ever will. Because the unthinkable has happened, and your eyes have seen the unimaginable, you’ll have to go looking for the pure, and the good, and the love in the world. You’ll find it in the little things.’ His words have been my anchor.”

In the past two years, she has dived into the day-to-day operations of their moving company, A to Z Moving. She relocated the shop and re-branded the company with Greg’s image and his signature color, purple. Her new crew has incredible energy and great dynamics, according to Stanke.

To reduce the shock and better understand the trauma she experienced with Greg’s suicide, she began reading stories of other women widowed by suicide. “My horror story is a fairytale compared many others,” Stanke says. “It’s humbling and makes me incredibly grateful for our 25 years of marriage, my home, my daughters, our granddaughter, my business and all the things I can barely manage every day. My goal is to stop complaining that my life is overwhelming and start talking about how it’s overflowing.”

Shannan Stanke with her family at home on their farm in West Fargo.

Pictured from left to right: Grace, Camryn, Shannan, Dustin, Charlie and Sam.

reaching out

“My heart aches for widows of suicide,” Stanke says. “The loss, grief and shame, confusion, self-blame — the list is so long. Being a widow is hard and stuff is heavy!” Stanke now visits area widows of suicide and brings them a purple wagon from A to Z Moving. The “widow wagons” fold up like a suitcase and are designed to help carry little children as well as groceries or anything else that needs to be moved. “When I lost Greg, I lost my person with all the muscles: the guy who carried the heavy things. Hopefully these wagons will help carry more than just physical things — it will remind widows they aren’t alone when life feels heavy.” A to Z Moving also volunteers a crew to remove and install furniture when it would be traumatic for the widow.

Stanke is now helping others fight the battle. Stanke and her family are involved with Concussion Legacy Foundation (CLF) as a Legacy Donor Family and the CLF family council, which gives them access to leading research and opportunities to connect with others who have lost a loved one to CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy). “Only one in six concussions are diagnosed,” she says. Most people who have CTE don’t know they have a degenerative brain disease, she explains. CTE is usually found in athletes, military veterans, and others with a history of repetitive brain trauma. As she discovered with Greg, the many hits during football and riding contributed to the development of this significant, life-altering brain disease.

“Everyday people are walking around with CTE, thinking it’s depression, bipolar disorder or anxiety,” she says. “Often there are no outside indicators, and people just try to ‘muscle through.’ But suicide, especially for people in early stages of CTE, is the leading cause of death. The repetitive, sub-concussive hits (not as severe as a diagnosed concussion) are damaging. “When it comes to brain injuries, misdiagnosis and wrong treatment is just as deadly as no diagnosis and no treatment. Talking about and accounting for every little hit is a life-saving conversation if it leads to a healing protocol.”

As Stanke has reached out to others, she has also developed a creative way to explain the loss of “Papa” to their young granddaughter. “I needed a way to tell her the whole story about why Papa is gone that emphasized the brain injury taking him from us versus the suicide,” Stanke says. “So I wrote about a Viking/linebacker/cowboy named Greg the Great, in a children’s book, ‘Bumped his Head and Went to Bed.’” The story, with illustrations by Scott Monaco of the company QuietYell in Dallas, helps share more of Greg’s story in a way a child can understand. The children’s book, which will be out in November, also underscores the connection between head injuries and personality changes leading to a not-so-happy ending. “I added a short self-assessment in the back,” she explains, “with information on how to contact Concussion Legacy Foundation’s help line.”

An illustration of 'Greg the Great': a rugged, Viking/ Linebacker/Cowboy from the book "Bumped His Head and Went to Bed." Shannan knew this would be a tall order for any illustrator, and Scott Monaco of Quiet Yell in Dallas, Texas captured him perfectly.

“The trauma didn’t stop with Greg’s death. I felt like I was gone too, with the loss of our friends, my roles, my place in society, my identity, selfworth and literal safety,” Stanke notes.

“But occasionally, this strange overwhelming feeling of gratitude would show up and I’d feel like I had a pulse. Gratitude is the key to feeling alive again,” she reminds. “I still struggle with a sense of purpose, but I know that I want to honor Greg’s memory and tell the world about the connection between brain injuries and suicide.”

“I used to tell my kids and clients to look for “miracle moments” and to savor magic moments in life because they don’t jump out and announce themselves,” she says. “I get to experience a miracle moment every time I hear that Greg’s story has given someone insight into their own situation, and sent them looking for brain recovery options instead of giving up and giving in to the voices in their broken brain.”

The A to Z Moving team

making lemonade

HOW BAR NINE MADE THE MOST OF THE PANDEMIC DOWNTIME

WORDS : BROCK EVENSON PHOTOGRAPHY : AREA WOMAN STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

As the manager of Bar 9 and a West Fargo native (go Packers!), I joined Bar 9 just as the pandemic hit, after several years managing other local establishments. Bar 9 had a good thing going, with regular trivia, bingo, sports broadcasts on multiple big screens and live entertainment. We’re still offering all those favorites, but I think you’ll love our new additions.

The most exciting and obvious change has been our expansion. The once empty storefront next door has become our new private event space, Event 9. With room to host up to 97 guests, Event 9 is perfect for bridal or baby showers, anniversary or birthday parties, holiday gatherings and casual business meetings. The space features a dedicated bar and serving area, private restrooms and a stage for entertainment or speakers. There’s also a projection television available for a private viewing party.

We’ve remodeled our kitchen and revamped our menu, offering a large selection of appetizers, wraps, tacos, burgers and pizza. Our famous wings and other great appetizers are free during happy hour on weekdays. The full menu is available for catering on site or off.

Life has been pretty subdued the past few months, which isn’t news to anyone. At Bar 9 in West Fargo, we have been trying to make lemonade from all the lemons and have taken the opportunity to remodel, revamp and expand our offerings.

One of Bar 9’s favorite weekly events is Wednesday’s Designer Handbag Bingo. Yes, you read that right! You could win a Kate Spade or Michael Kors handbag playing Bingo. Keep an eye out for upcoming sip n’paint parties hosted in conjunction with local crafters. There’s always something fun going on at Bar 9 — trivia, open mic comedy, live music and, of course, sports on our 33 big screens, strategically placed for your viewing pleasure.

Check out our Facebook page for upcoming events, including a Halloween bash, featuring Brother Jukebox live, scheduled for October 30.

NOTE : All events are subject to change. Confirm dates and times before attending.

October • NOVEMBER

Every Saturday Now – October 31

RED RIVER MARKET

Now – October 31

Shop from over 60 local vendors including produce, meat, eggs, bakery, pantry items, household goods, art and more. Pick up breakfast, lunch, coffee or drinks to-go. The Red River Market and its vendors are taking precautions to ensure that the season is safe for all, including a new layout that will provide double the square footage to allow for social distancing. Though family programming will not take place, three live music performances per market will be held on the stage to enjoy while shopping. Visitors can find all of the vendor requirements and visitor guidelines online at redriver.market/covid. All vendors accept SNAP/EBT on eligible products and Red River Market matches purchases up to $10 per person per visit at the information booth.

10:00 AM – 2:00 PM Downtown Fargo 63 5th St N | redriver.market

October 12 & November 2

GRIEF 101: How to Help Ourselves and Others

Free, online virtual class

When grief enters our lives, our world changes. Learn the basics of grief and how to manage it in your life or help those around you. Attendees will explore the grief process, learn self-care strategies and discover ways to help others who are dealing with grief. This online virtual class is free and open to the public. Registration is required one day prior to the class date. Call 800-237-4629 or visit hrrv.org/events/category/ grief-support/ to register.

October 12 (5:30 – 7:00 PM)

November 2 (1:00 – 2:30 PM)

October 15

16th ANNUAL HERO BASH

Rescheduled and now virtual HERO will host its annual Bash fundraising event to raise awareness for our mission and the services we provide. The Bash is a chance to celebrate HERO and our impact in the community, while honoring the many hearts and hands that make our mission possible. Join us in this virtual event for a silent auction and a program with special guests! Call 701-2121921 or visit herofargo.org for more information.

5:00 PM Silent Auction Opens

7:00 PM Online Program

October 15, 22 & 29

JOURNEYING THROUGH GRIEF

Free, online virtual class series

This is a free series of classes designed for those who are recently bereaved. It is intended for adults 18 years and older who have experienced the recent loss of a loved one. The three Thursday sessions will help you better understand the grief process, explore methods of self-care, and embrace and carry memories with you as you move forward. This series of online virtual classes is free and open to the public. Registration is required one day prior to the first class date. Call 800-237-4629 or visit hrrv.org/events/ category/grief-support/ to register.

6:00 – 7:30 PM

October 19, 26 &

November 2, 9, 16, 23

NURTURED HEART APPROACH

Free, online class series

Parents will learn a powerful set of skills to help transform the intense child and create inner wealth in all children. Registration required. Contact Cass County Extension at 701-241-5700 or herdingd@casscountynd.gov.

6:00 – 8:00 PM

QUOTABLE:

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Then you will seek me and find me: when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord." JEREMIAH 29: 11-14

PHOTO : M . SCHLEIF PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTO : FLORA PINE PHOTOGRAPHY

October 20

MEMORY PILLOWS: A Virtual Grief Group Activity for Kids

Free, online virtual class

Youth ages 8-16 are invited to join us for a session focused on discovering what grief is and learning how to identify personal grief feelings and reactions. Participants will also learn the importance and benefits of keeping memories alive, as well as how to practice good self-care and positive ways to cope with grief. This class will involve group participation and discussion, and making a personal memory pillow. We recommend an adult be nearby or accessible during the class to assist the child, if needed. Registration by October 6 so arrangements for class supply pick-up can be made. Call 800-237-4629 or visit hrrv.org/events/ category/grief-support/ to register.

6:30 – 7:30 PM

Throughout October

OKTOBERFEST

at Holy Cross Catholic Church

On specific weekends during October there will be kid’s activities, homemade baked and canned goods, bingo, jewelry, cork pull and homemade crafts. Throughout weekends in October you can register for the cash raffle, silent auction items, 50/50 chance raffle, chance baskets, etc. Please call the church for details and questions at 701-282-7217.

Holy Cross Catholic Church

2711 7th St E, West Fargo (just south of Costco)

October 25

HOLY CROSS CATHOLIC CHURCH MEATBALL DINNER

A homemade Swedish Meatball take-out only dinner with all the trimmings will be served. Adults $10; ages 10 and under are $5. This is a take-out meal only.

10:00 AM – 2:00 PM

Holy Cross Catholic Church

2711 7th St E, West Fargo (just south of Costco)

November 6-7

AN ECO CHIC CHRISTMAS TOUR featuring Thomsen Homes

Tour three unique houses decorated by Eco Chic, shop the items in each house, enjoy some treats, and get in the holiday spirit! Visit facebook.com/ecochichome or email hope@iloveecochic.com for more information.

Friday 4:00 – 8:00 PM

Saturday 10:00 – 4:00 PM

The Wilds, West Fargo (home addresses available at later date)

November 9 A HANDS-ON GRIEF WORKSHOP

Free, online virtual class | Hospice of the Red River Valley is offering a one-session seasonal art project accompanied by teaching moments for grieving individuals. Research says intentional hands-on activities help not only comfort us in our grief, but also help to integrate our sense of loss and facilitate moving toward healing. Registration is required by October 28; participants will pick up class supplies prior to the class. In some cases, the packets may be mailed. Call 800-237-4629 or visit hrrv.org/events/category/grief-support/ to register.

5:30 – 7:00 PM

November 10 & November 16

GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Free, online virtual class

Managing grief in times of celebration can be overwhelming. Suffering the loss of a loved one is difficult any time of the year, but the holiday season can intensify feelings of loss. This virtual presentation will enable attendees to identify and learn how to manage the mixed emotions that can surface when grieving during the holidays. Participants will also learn important self-care strategies. Registration is required one day prior to the class date. Call 800-237-4629 or visit hrrv.org/events/category/ grief-support/ to register.

November 10 (1:00 – 2:00 PM)

November 16 (6:00 – 7:00 PM)

November 20

WINE & DINE

An elegant evening of gourmet food, specially paired wines, live and silent auctions, games and more — all in support of an important cause. Wine and Dine is a yearly event featuring the perfect marriage of food and wine, with proceeds benefiting kids and families served by The Village Family Service Center. For more information and to register contact thevillagefamily.org/ fmwinedine or 701-451-4957.

5:30 PM Social, 7:00 PM Dinner

The Delta by Marriott 1635 42nd St S, Fargo

CLICK AND YOU’RE CONNECTED

Every day brings an opportunity to connect with your community and one another. From cooking demos and exercise classes to coffee chats and informative workshops, AARP has so many online options at your fingertips. Find your community at aarp.org/nearyou

by L.M. Montgomery

Dr. Khaled Rabadi

Make your health matter.

3D Mammography Screening

Get the most from your yearly breast exam by scheduling a 3D mammogram. 3D technology offers a clearer picture of your breast health, meaning earlier detection and fewer false alarms.

Call your local Sanford Health clinic to schedule your mammogram