MY TH VS REALITY “ I A M W E L L , H O W A R E YO U ? ” By Melody Foster
Should I tell the truth? How much can they handle? Will they think I am weak, or think I do not love Jesus enough? Am I allowed to be depressed? These questions pass through many Christian minds daily. Once, I was concerned that depression meant that I did not have enough faith or enough love for Jesus. I sat crying in the doctor’s office thinking about what a failure as a Christian I must be. How could my doctor think that I need medicine? I admit having chronic tiredness and overwhelming sadness makes me miserable. I could sleep for fifteen hours a day and still be tired. I cried tears that I did not understand because my life was full. I had a family, a church family, and a job. We had so many blessings. How could I have depression? I thought I should be able to do my job, my home, my children all with little help. All the while needing to serve at church and care for ailing family members. The younger me had no clue that depression could be a combination of physical issues and psychological stressors. That was me at twenty-seven years old. At forty-nine, my life is much better. I did not take the medication my doctor prescribed. It would be another fourteen years of struggling before I would try antidepressants.
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Losing my husband of twenty years in 2013 would push me to a place where I tried the medication. For three years, I took a medication that was too strong and had awful side effects. Finally, I mentioned it to my doctor. Not sure why I felt the need to suffer so long. The need to be strong did not serve me well. We tried a different medication in 2016 and I have been in a good place since. It would appear I found a “magic bullet.” No more heavy sadness, unless there was a reason, and feeling a range of emotions has brought much relief and joy to my life. I also earned a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. The program at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA, taught me how to examine self and use critical thinking skills. Our program took us deep within ourselves. The program taught us we must face our triggers and trauma before it would be safe to counsel other people. After all, can you really take another person to a place you have never been? Jesus came to earth and experienced humanity firsthand. Now he sits as an intercessor for us, as mentioned in the Epistle to the Romans, with our heavenly father with the knowledge of our fleshly pangs, longings, and desires. (Romans 8:34)
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