CELEBRATING NEURODIVERSITY
NURTURING SPECIAL INTERESTS AS CAREER FOUNDATIONS
The Power of Pet Therapy
ADHD COACH REVEALS HER DIAGNOSIS AND JOURNEY
BRIDGING THE SCHOOL AND PARENT CONNECTION
FINDING SUPPORTS WHEN THERE IS A FAILURE TO LAUNCH
can
1. Who is going to take care of your child after you are gone and where will they live?
2. How much will that care cost and how are you going to pay for that care?
3. Do you have a special needs trust and do you know how much money you will need in it? How are you going to fund it? How are the funding instruments taxed when you die?
4. What government benefits are available to your child and how do you apply for them?
5. What is the Medicaid waiver and how do you apply for it?
6. How will you communicate your plan to family members?
CELEBRATING NEURODIVERSITY
Beatrice (Bea) Moise, MS, BCCS
A mother of two young children on the spectrum reminds us that home should be a safe space filled with acceptance and peace.
SHAPING OUR FUTURE PARENTS AS PARTNERS: PROMOTING COLLABORATION BETWEEN HOME AND SCHOOL
Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L
Discover how the concept “Parents as Partners,” can be used to model your interactions with those supporting a child through their education.
EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING: ALLOWING MENTAL EXERCISE THROUGH EVERYDAY SKILLS
Dr. Chris Abildgaard, EdD, LPC, NCSP, NCC
Learn why it’s essential to encourage mental exercise for your child when prompting them to complete everyday tasks.
COULD MY CHILD WITH A DISABILITY BECOME BILINGUAL?
Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm, EdD
Discover the many advantages of allowing special needs students to take a foreign language course.
EXCEPTIONAL BOOKS
NAVIGATING AUTISM: 9 MINDSETS FOR HELPING KIDS ON THE SPECTRUM
Join Dr. Temple Grandin and psychologist Debra Moore in a second collaboration to learn about nine different mindsets needed to successfully work with autistic youths.
GROWING PERSPECTIVE-TAKING SKILLS THROUGH EXPERIENCES
JC Ellinger
A parent shares how providing someone with a variety of life experiences can set up mental resources to help connect with outside perspectives.
KATE MAKES IT GREAT!
SETTING AND MAINTAINING HOUSEHOLD BOUNDARIES WHEN THERE ARE SPECIAL NEEDS
Kate C. Wilde
Redefine your thoughts on boundaries and learn tips for keeping them effective once in place.
FINDING SUPPORTS WHEN THERE IS A FAILURE TO LAUNCH
John Civita, MS Ed
Learn why it’s invaluable to secure supports when young adults are transitioning to the next phase of development.
MANAGING LIFE WITH EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS: YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST COMPETITOR
Coral Levkovitz
A young self-advocate recommends people stop comparing themselves to others and instead refocus on personal progress.
THE JOYS OF AUTISM
Melanie K. Milicevic
Read a mother’s passionate account of the three main joys autism has granted her and her son despite some hardships.
37 EXCEPTIONAL BOOKS SEE ME: THE INVISIBLE AUTISTIC BOY
This book, written and illustrated by autistic middle school teacher David Petrovic, BA, MAT, promotes the power of kindness and the acceptance of differences in others and ourselves.
EXCEPTIONAL ADVICE FROM MESHELL BRIDGING THE SCHOOL AND PARENT CONNECTION
Meshell Baylor, MHS
Tips on developing a cooperative relationship between parents and school staff told from both perspectives.
NURTURING SPECIAL INTERESTS AS CAREER FOUNDATIONS WHEN THERE ARE DIFFERENT ABILITIES
Emily Ansell Elfer, BA Hons, Dip. Help someone nurture their special interests into viable career paths and marketable skills by offering support and direction.
USE YOUR VOICE WHEN TALKING ABOUT LEARNING DIFFERENCES
Karen Kaplan
Recognize the necessity of asserting oneself when it comes to acquiring resources, developing skills, and managing a team for a loved one with exceptional needs.
FINANCIAL FOCUS FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD FOR LIFE
Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS
Set up plans to financially support a child even after you pass on.
VOCATIONAL TRAINING FOR YOUR EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS CHILD
Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm, EdD Review 10 suggestions for preparing yourself or someone else for the workforce.
BRIDGING THE GAP BETWEEN SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHERS AND FAMILIES
Rebekah Poe
Learn how all caregivers of a child must work together to attain the best education possible.
HOW I LEARNED TO TAKE HEALTHY RISKS
Ron Sandison, MDiv
Find out from an autistic man how he learned to manage his anxiety by following a seven-step decision-making process.
THE FRIENDSHIP & DATING DUO ONLINE SCAMS: HOW TO BE SOCIAL WITHOUT FALLING VICTIM
Jeremy Hamburgh and Ilana Frank
Uncover the prevalence of online scammers and learn how to prevent them from taking advantage of people.
ADVOCATING FOR YOUR CHILD WITH EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS AND YOURSELF
Jeniffer Gillette-Dionne
Take time to remember you aren’t alone in needing mental or emotional support as a parent; don’t exclude yourself from the effort of caring for your loved ones.
SAFETY GOALS WITH NICOLE ABUSE AND EXPLOITATION: HEIGHTENED DANGERS FOR CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES
Nicole Moehring
Learn about the various types of abuse and exploitation and how they may present.
AN AUTISTIC ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Karen Simmons
Read on as the founder of Autism Today shares views on love, forgiveness, and autism, as well the 12 principles behind her personal philosophy.
EXCEPTIONAL BOOKS
THE AUTISM PARENTS’ GUIDE TO RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE
Award-winning writer Deanna Picon provides proven techniques and a clearcut action plan to build a good life.
OPENING UP ABOUT PARENTAL TRAUMA
Nicole Dauz
Stop shying away from the emotional burdens of parenting and learn how being open about your experiences can help you and others lance your trauma to heal together.
ALL THINGS OT HOW TO IDENTIFY A NEUROAFFIRMING THERAPIST
Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD Learn how neuroaffirming therapy practices interact with occupational therapy, as well as eight signs a therapist embraces the approach.
THE POWER OF PET THERAPY
Kate Rosenthal
Discover the mental, physical, and emotional benefits of pet therapy.
NATURE NOTES
PRACTICAL SKILL BUILDING THROUGH CREATIVE COLLAGE
Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA
Recycle old garden and seed catalogues to create a collage to promote sensory experiences, motor skills, imagination, and more while connecting with nature.
EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS
Our mission is to educate, support, and energize families, caregivers, educators, and professionals while preparing all families for a healthy future.
exceptionalneedstoday.com
Founder/Publisher
Amy KD Tobik
Lone Heron Publishing, LLC
Magazine Staff
Editor in Chief: Amy KD Tobik
Editorial Assistant: Margo Marie McManus
Content Writer & Copyeditor: Emily Ansell Elfer
Social Media: Dione Sabella
Graphic Designer: Patrick Gwayi
Professional Consultants
Chris Abildgaard, EdD, LPC, NCSP, NCC Debra Moore, PhD
Brett J. Novick, MS, LMFT, CSSW Annette Nuñez, PhD, LMFT Ron Sandison
Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTRL, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA
Contact Us
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Exceptional Needs Today is published four times a year and distributed digitally to readers for free by Lone Heron Publishing.
Disclaimer: Advertised businesses and products are not endorsed or guaranteed by Exceptional Needs Today, its writers, or employees. Always follow medical advice from your physician.
Look up…Look down…Look again…
All around! Everything’s different as can be…
If you but look, you would see!
I’m not you…And you’re not me! But together we are…
And friends we can be.
When I was very young, my mother, Deborah B Donnelly, wrote these words to open a delightful children’s book called Everything is Different that reflected what seemed like a magically inclusive childhood. I feel lucky to have had parents who brought distinctive experiences and perspectives to the table. They instilled in me that people are wonderfully unique—everyone has value. Sadly, as I grew up, it became evident not everyone shares the same tenets. So my quest became to promote awareness, acceptance, and inclusiveness for ALL people.
This month’s cover features siblings, Jake and Abby Moise, both diagnosed with exceptional needs. Their mother, Beatrice (Bea) Moise, MS, BCCS, has penned a personal piece called Celebrating Neurodiversity. As the mother, Board-Certified Cognitive Specialist, and parenting coach, points out, the outside world isn’t always accommodating to neurodivergent people. In response to this situation, Moise actively ensures her home environment is a place where children can freely be themselves with no judgment. Moise’s words are an excellent reminder that home should be a safe space filled with acceptance and peace.
Sometimes communication goes smoothly—and sometimes it takes work. Whether you’re a parent of a child with exceptional needs, a therapist, an educator, or a self-advocate, constructive and supportive interactions ultimately affect outcomes. For example, cooperative communication between teachers and parents can make all the difference in the world. Meshell Baylor, MHS, said when her child was diagnosed with autism it felt like the world had stopped. Sitting in a room full of people speaking in acronyms and other unfamiliar terms made her feel lost. In her piece, Bridging the School and Parent Connection, Meshell has provided valuable tips on developing a solid and cooperative relationship between parents and school staff. This is a good read for all, as Meshell offers multiple perspectives to build a sense of inclusion and cohesion in special education.
Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L, believes a team effort can make all the difference for both parents and educators. In her piece, Parents as Partners: Promoting Collaboration Between Home and School, she explains how to model your cooperative interactions with those supporting a child through their education. Rose’s words are significant as she encourages teamwork, shared decision-making, and collaboration.
Educator Rebekah Poe says there can be a few common barriers when trying to pull together a unified Individualized Education Program (IEP) team. Be sure to read her piece, Bridging the Gap Between Teachers and Families as Rebekah provides ways to en-
sure all team members, including a child’s general education teacher and special education teacher, are set up for success. The overall goal must be to work together.
Working collaboratively as a community to involve parents, educators, mentors, and young people to secure a smooth transition to adulthood is equally essential. Emily Ansell Elfer, BA Hons, Dip. says by incorporating a child’s passions into learning and encouraging their pursuit, parents can help prepare them for the future. Be sure to read her piece, Nurturing Special Interests as Career Foundations When There Are Different Abilities, as Emily explains how to develop special interests into viable career paths and marketable skills. Making that shift to adulthood can be difficult, especially when there are neurodiverse needs, according to John Civita, MS Ed. You don’t want to miss his piece Finding Supports When There Is a Failure to Launch, as he explains why securing supports is vital when young adults are transitioning to the next phase of development.
They say it’s human nature to create comparisons. We tend to measure ourselves against our friends and compare the growth and achievements of our children. Recent college graduate Coral Levkovitz, a 23-year-old with ADHD, says doing this can negatively affect our self-worth and self-confidence. Be sure to check out her uplifting piece, Managing Life with Exceptional Needs: YOU Are Your Biggest Competitor, as she encourages everyone to take a step back and refocus on the most valuable project—your own self.
We are proud of the remarkable range of subject matters in this issue. Topics include gaining executive functioning and life skills, using your voice when talking about learning differences, growing perspective-taking skills through experiences, exploitation dangers for children with disabilities, and the importance of planning for a lifetime of physical care needs. Articles also focus on self-advocacy, ways to be social without falling victim to online scams, the power of pet therapy, celebrating neurodiversity, the joys of autism, and so much more.
A special thank you to our loyal subscribers, contributors, and advertisers. Let’s continue to appreciate, support, and empower one another, especially as we celebrate Autism Acceptance Month with many of our readers. Let’s strive for understanding and acceptance and ensure every voice is heard!
Best,
Amy KD Tobik Editor-in-Chief, Exceptional Needs Today Publisher, Lone Heron Publishing
MY LIFE’S PASSION IS EDUCATING AND WRITING ABOUT NEURODIVERSITY. WHENEVER I AM PRESENTED WITH AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO, I JUMP ON IT. CELEBRATING NEURODIVERSITY IS EVEN BETTER; HOWEVER, BEFORE YOU CAN CELEBRATE, YOU MUST EDUCATE YOURSELF ON WHAT IT IS AND HOW IT LOOKS.
Neurodiversity is more than just individuals who process information differently—it’s a way of life. It’s my life; from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, every aspect of my life is experienced in a way neurotypicals might consider different. And my family echoes the same perspective.
My household is neurodiverse; my children have a space where they can freely be themselves with no judgment on their quirks or personalities. The outside world is not accommodating to neurodivergent people. Therefore, their home environment should be a place that actively ensures they feel embraced. I dedicate a great deal of energy and time to our home environment to allow my family to feel at peace within it, and because of this, it is a celebration of who they are and how they think.
It can be difficult to fully embrace neurodivergent ways, even if you are neurodivergent yourself. Be open to the idea that neuro-differences exist within a household and can cause some
family friction. What works for one person may only work for that person. And sometimes, what works for the majority may not work for the minority.
For example, there are four people in my family, and all of us have differently presenting neuro-differences. Some of us have matching sensory needs, and others are opposite. As a parent coach, I have seen how these differences cause great stress within the family and can make others feel excluded from the family unit.
The first step is communication to handle the challenges of everyone’s differences. One method is to hold a weekly conversation about how and what is the best way to celebrate the ideas and perspectives of everyone. During these meetings, I recommend the following:
• Being inclusive
• Having open communication and dialogue
• Being willing to implement change when applicable
My household is very loud, and my son stims for the majority of his day. He stims when he is happy, anxious, and excited, to name a few occasions. Sometimes the stimming is self-regulating; if he is not doing a verbal stim, you can bet there’s a movement happening. He will pace throughout the entire household to fulfill his sensory-seeking needs. These behaviors are embraced, and because we have embraced them, it has given him the freedom to access them when needed. Adapting to his stimming behaviors was not always easy; sometimes, I wanted to sit in a quiet household. We all learned to accommodate him by figuring out what would work for each of us. His sister has no issues with any of his stimming, and I guess it’s a byproduct of being raised in it.
I use noise-cancellation headsets to embrace it when I am incapable of just letting it wash over me. I also have earplugs in every corner of our household and a pair in the car. This allows me to be in our home space without making him feel bad about doing something that is a need, not a want. To embrace others’ neuro-differences when they conflict with your own, try:
• Finding ways to allow their freedom while supporting your own needs,
• Not judging self-regulating behaviors,
• Using language meant to inform, not judge,
Beatrice (Bea) Moise, MS, BCCS is a Board-Certified Cognitive Specialist, parenting coach, national speaker, and author of Our Neurodivergent Journey. Her UNIQUE parenting channel on YouTube is dedicated to educating individuals on neurodiversity. Bea is also a digital parent expert for Verizon on Neurodiversity and Technology. She has been featured on NBC-News, Parents, PBS-Kids, The EveryMom, Charlotte Parent. Bea is frequently featured on WCNC Charlotte Parenting Today, and has been featured on Ballantyne Magazine, People of Charlotte, and Scoop’s Successful Charlotte Women providing tips for parents.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BeaMoise.M.S
By Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L
WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE PHRASE “PARENTS AS PARTNERS?” HOLD THAT THOUGHT. I WOULD FIRST LIKE TO START WITH A GRACE NOTE—A NOTE OF THANKS AND A REMINDER TO PARENTS TO GIVE YOURSELVES GRACE FOR THE HARD WORK YOU DO EVERY DAY.
promote and support collaboration (the bridge) between members of the home and school teams. Home teams include parents, caregivers, or other adults responsible for the care of the child. Teachers, school-based professionals such as occupational therapy practitioners, speech and language pathologists, physical therapists, and behavior support professionals are included in the school team. The child is a part of both teams.
What does your partner relationship look like? Do you have one? Let’s start by defining partnerships. A partnership involves the coming together of a group of people, usually for a common goal or shared purpose (Abeykoon, 2021). In business, partners have equal value or ownership in the practice. Partners in healthcare and school-based settings have similar roles. I define “Parents as Partners” as a collaborative relationship between parents and school team members to foster a sense of connection, develop understanding, and encourage shared decision-making, all for the purpose of helping children succeed (Kokorelias et al., 2019; Riley et al., 2017).
In this article, “parents” refers to birth, foster, or adoptive parents and guardians, other caregivers, and other adults responsible for the child’s care. Parents and caregivers will be used interchangeably, and family will be used to describe parent and caregiver groups.
At the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, most children were learning on fully remote platforms. Then they moved into a hybrid model. During this time, our twin boys were entering kindergarten. Their school implemented Parents as Partners, a meet-and-greet session between teachers and caregivers on a virtual platform. Parents learned about the curriculum and expectations for students. Parents as Partners continued up until our boys returned to in-person classes. Like other parents who may have navigated online learning, I appreciated the school’s attempt to improve the bridge between school and home.
Remember the question at the beginning of the article? You can release that thought now. For me, Parents as Partners goes beyond the exchange of information. It’s the engagement that occurs while on the school-to-home bridge and involves the journey beyond.
In this article, “Parents as Partners” will focus on how we can
It can start at the point of enrollment into an educational program and sometimes before. How does connection begin? It can begin with a virtual meet-and-greet, a note, a phone call, or other ways. Why is this so important? It’s vital to connect because it is the pathway to developing understanding.
Our twin boys are now seven years old. This school year, my husband and I decided to give them a different experience and try separate classes for the first time (uh-oh…). The boys have shared the same classrooms since they started daycare at about 18 months old. They did not have difficulty separating from one another in these settings. Rather, they would occasionally seek each other out during the day for what I believe to be social-emotional support. To this day, they sometimes do what I call “brother talk.” They whisper “twin things” in each other’s ears at (what appears to be) random times throughout the day. So, as you might imagine, trying this separate class situation for the first time came with its own set of challenges. But, that’s a conversation for another article.
Before making our decision, we discussed it with the boys. We knew connecting with their school team would be integral during their transition. We sent emails at the beginning of the
school year, attended Parent Night to understand the year’s expectations and curriculum, and we made a point to stay in touch to see how the boys were adjusting in their classes individually. Though we continue to experience challenges with the transition, we are grateful the school team members were open and willing to connect.
As an occupational therapy practitioner, I understand it’s not always easy to form connections on both ends, but I consistently try. My encouragement to parents is to keep trying. Discover the methods of communication your child’s team uses and share your communication preferences (email, communication notebook, phone calls, etc.). If you encounter challenges along the way (e.g., lack of follow-through), keep trying. Your school team needs your support in building a relationship to understand your child’s unique needs and what matters most to you. For school teams, be mindful that some families may not have access to resources or need support with connecting. I encourage you to meet them at their point of need and assist in finding a way to stay connected. How else can we build connections between home and school teams? Let’s dig deeper into a place of understanding.
What is understanding in a Parent as Partner relationship?
Understanding involves getting to know the family’s culture, values, and beliefs, as well as the child’s needs and strengths. This enables the team to navigate how to support the child within the learning environment best. For children with disabilities, it’s essential to understand how the disability impacts the child and the family through a collaborative relationship (AOTA, 2020).
Why is understanding important? Understanding is important because it requires being open to learning and discovering. It requires a willingness to try things differently and in ways that best support the child and family. Understanding does not mean we totally get it. It does not mean we seek to know everything there is to know about a child and their family. Rather, it is the foundation by which we position ourselves to knowing, consistently respecting, and valuing the roles each team member brings to the collaborative process.
Parent partners might help to inform, educate, and share family values and beliefs that may influence how the school team engages with and supports the child. The school team might seek to create opportunities for developing understanding of the needs of the child and their family. The key to understanding is recognizing there are multiple experts on one team. Each member holds equal weight, measured in the form of values and strengths, which they bring to the relationship when making shared decisions.
Shared decision-making involves collaboration in decisions, discussions, or goals that support the child. Shared decision-making is a concept best described under family-centered care principles (Kokorelias et al., 2019; Riley et al., 2017).
It recognizes the value all partners have (teachers, parents, therapists, the child, and other members) in planning and the decisions that contribute to positive outcomes in a child’s education and development. Can you think of an example of how shared decision-making can be promoted within school-based settings? One example is creating a collaborative goal that addresses the child’s performance during a specific educational activity. This mutually agreed upon goal should also accompany a shared plan to address it.
Parent partners, “Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!” Remember that you are a valued member of your child’s team. Create opportunities to discuss goals (yours and your child’s), outcomes, and your child’s strengths and needs. Your school team needs your input to implement collaborative decision-making. School-based team members, be open to creating opportunities for parents to share and join you in the decision-making process. Without this unique and necessary sharing of ideas and expertise on both ends, we may miss out on the benefits of such a collaborative relationship.
Home Team:
• Get to know your School Team
• Identify how to get in touch and share your contact preferences
• Ask questions
• Educate and inform the School Team and other members of the Home Team about your family values, culture, beliefs, strengths, and needs
• Stay connected
• Advocate for your child
• Involve your child in the decision-making and goal-development process
School Team:
• Get to know the Home Team
• Honor contact preferences
• Provide thoughtful, responsive, culturally sensitive answers to questions and work with parents and other Home Team members to discover solutions together
• Understand the parents’ values, culture, and beliefs, as well as the child’s strengths and needs
• Stay connected
• Advocate for the needs of the child and other members of the Home Team
• Involve parents and children in the decision-making and goal-development process
Resources
Culturally Competent Bilingual Therapy & Evaluation Services
Somos Bilingües
https://www.somosbilinguesslp.com/
References
Abeykoon P. (2021). Partnerships in Health Development. Journal of Health Management, 23(1), 143-154.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0972063421995
American Occupational Therapy Association. (2020). Occupational therapy practice framework: Domain and process (4th ed.). American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 74(Suppl. 2), 7412410010.
https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2020.74S2001
Kokorelias, K.M., Gignac, M.A.M., Naglie, G., & Cameron, J.I. (2019). Towards a universal model of family centered care: A scoping review. BMC Health Services Research, 19(564), 1-11.
http://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-019-4394-5
Riley, B., Hardesty, L., Butler, A., Kimmelman, A., Gardner, K., & Miceli, A. (2017). How do pediatric occupational therapists implement family-centered care. [Poster Session]. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 71, 7111505155.
http://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2017.71S1-po7068
Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L, is an occupational therapy practitioner with a clinical focus in pediatrics. She works with children and families of children on the autism spectrum and those with other neurodiverse needs. Dr. Adams has worked in schools, private practice settings, and community-based programs. She is the Executive Director at Changing Lives Occupational Therapy, P.C., and currently works at a community-based preschool in New York. Dr. Adams is a graduate of Boston University’s Post Professional Occupational Therapy Doctorate (PP-OTD) program. Her doctoral project focused on using song-based interventions to support young children with autism and related disabilities so they could participate in school-based occupations.
Email: roseadamsot@gmail.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rose-adams-otd-otr-l-5068b316
Why is connection so important? It’s important to connect because it is the pathway to developing understanding.
By Dr. Chris Abildgaard, EdD, NCSP, LPC, NCC
I WAS RECENTLY TRAVELING TO A CONFERENCE WHERE A NICE WOMAN LEANED OVER TO LOOK AT MY PRESENTATION SLIDES AND SAID, “THAT LOOKS INTERESTING. DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT YOU ARE WORKING ON?” I WAS WITH TWO OF MY THREE CHILDREN, WHO HAPPENED TO BE TRAVELING WITH ME. ONE GAVE ME A LOOK AS IF TO SAY, “WHO IS SHE?” THE OTHER PUT HER AIRPODS IN AND WHISPERED, “HERE WE GO.”
Iexplained we were traveling to a conference where I would be speaking on ways to link aspects of a person’s cognitive abilities with their day-to-day living skills. She went on to tell me she was the mother of a daughter with dyslexia. We began to talk about how she’d thought for years and years that having her daughter in talk therapy would
help her be more successful at everyday tasks. I gently asked, “How would only talk therapy help bridge the gap between her executive functioning, self-motivation, and getting her to do things around the house?” This woman sat back in her seat a bit as if to think of her response. After about 15 seconds, she leaned back and said, “You know, I have no idea! I just thought
it was the next thing she needed to help her get her to do things around the house.”
We often encounter this story in our work with children and families. We hear how one’s child can do all these great things at school, but when it comes to showering, putting their shoes on, or remembering to charge their Chromebook at night, they look at their parents like they have never done that task before. The question then becomes, “How can we bridge what we are doing at school, at home, in the counseling office, and in our community to produce something meaningful for the individual?”
We can write 20 articles on “How to get your child to brush their teeth,” but it’s not just about the “how to.” Our work starts with expectations and knowing how to balance the ones we hold for our children, students, and clients and their internal executive function skills, motivation, perseverance, and ability to understand the “why.” The gap for many of us can be closed (though maybe never fully filled in) once we help others understand how all those factors intersect and create something we can check off.
Parents tell me, “Dr. Chris, I send Leah upstairs to get her shoes on, and she comes down 10 minutes later with the AirPods still in, gets to the bottom of the stairs, looks at me, and says, ‘What’s the matter now, Mom?’”. Now we are running late, and we are feeling our own emotions because we asked her three times to get her shoes, and she still hasn’t done it. Is she being oppositional? Is she distracted? Does she not care about what we have asked? The answer to all those questions may be “yes”. However, it is what we do next that will start to fill that gap between what is in her mind and what really needs to take place for her day-to-day functioning.
Instead of saying or even yelling, “Leah, for the fourth time…!” or demanding, “Give me your AirPods because clearly, you are distracted,” I would love for you to try something different. Calmly say your child’s name, then shift your gaze down to their feet. If they have difficulty reading eye movement, pair your look with a finger pointing in the direction you want them to think about. Then bring your eyes back up to their head and say, “What am I thinking?” Try this with your four-year-old and your 19-year-old.
As parents, educators, and clinicians, we’re quick to tell others what they failed to do. The problem is, when we tell our young people what they didn’t do repeatedly, they become used to hearing that negative feedback. This begins to wear on their mental health and self-esteem, and WE end up rescuing their brains’ frontal lobes time and time again.
The human brain is a muscle, so we need to treat it like one. We need to get more comfortable with allowing students and younger clients to go through mental exercises to help them remember routines, tasks, things they should do, and things
they can do. By asking the simple (yet, for many, very complex) question, “What am I thinking about?” we are helping our kids exercise their perspective-taking skills, memory skills, communication skills, etc. Eighty percent of the time, their response to that question will be running back up to retrieve their shoes and saying, “Ugh…sorry, Mom.” Others will need more prompting and support before they remember what they went upstairs for in the first place. Our job, when possible, is not to answer right away. It’s essential to allow your child to think, to exercise that part of the brain, even if it takes a second or five.
Here is the final trick—positively reinforce them for remembering and completing the task they initially set out to do. Do not make comments like, “It took you long enough,” or “Now we are late!” or “You owe me 15 minutes of tech-free time later because you wasted 15 minutes of MY time.” Those sorts of comments only destroy bridges. They destroy self-confidence
and teach our kids they are an inconvenience. When we are working with our neurodiverse learners, WE—the adults, the counselors, the safe people in their lives—have to allow them to exercise their brain, their problem-solving skills, and their time management, even if it takes “time” away from us.
It’s also part of our job to allow for uncomfortable moments. Those awkward moments and even conversations are the ones that will often stick with our students and clients more than anything else. So, if you invite mental exercise to happen, model not being afraid of the uncomfortable, and invite conversation, feedback, and reinforcement for a job done. You will help mold a confident person who understands the “why” and “how” to balance the things they should be doing daily.
This will not happen overnight. I tell parents it’s our goal to give young people tips and tools, so they have a backpack of resources to use as they enter young adult life where Mom and Dad won’t always be there for things like reminding them to wear shoes before walking out the door. Allowing mental
Dr. Chris Abildgaard, EdD, NCSP, LPC, NCC, is the Owner and Director of the Social Learning Center, LLC, located in Cheshire, Connecticut. He has been in private practice for over 13 years. Chris earned his Doctorate of Education in School Psychology from Loyola University Chicago. He is a nationally certified school psychologist, a board-certified national counselor, and a licensed professional counselor with a specialization in autism spectrum disorders. Chris also holds a graduate certificate from the University of Massachusetts Lowell in behavioral interventions in autism. Chris is an Adjunct Professor at the University of St. Joseph’s and the University of Hartford, both located in West Hartford, Connecticut.
Website: https://www.sociallearningcenter.org/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SocialLearningCenter
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SLC545
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrisabildgaardslc/
TAKING CARE OF THE DAILY RESPONSIBILITIES OF A LOVED ONE WITH DISABILITIES CAN BE OVERWHELMING SOMETIMES. SO WHEN SUDDENLY APPROACHED ABOUT EXEMPTING A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY FROM TAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AT SCHOOL, MANY PARENTS IMMEDIATELY AGREE IT’S BEST TO “OPT OUT.” HOWEVER, THAT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS BE THE CASE.
Here are 10 ideas to consider before deciding against enrolling your child in a foreign language class at school.
1.
Some parents never involve their child with a disability in the decision-making process of deciding if a foreign language should be added to their daily schedule. They simply inform the school they don’t want their child enrolled in a foreign language class and the school complies. Your child must have a say in the discussion. You may be surprised; they might want to try taking a foreign language course at school with their friends.
2.
Some parents with children with a disability “assume” learning a second language would be “too difficult” for their child. After all, if they are struggling with their native language and learning how to read, why would you want to “burden” your child with a disability further by adding a foreign language to their day? However, some children with disabilities excel at learning a foreign language. It should never be assumed that learning a foreign language is too difficult for individuals with disabilities and exempting them is assisting them. Peers without exceptional needs don’t always excel at foreign languages; yet they are all still given the opportunity to attempt to learn them. After being involved in a foreign language class, if your child decides they don’t want to advance further that becomes their choice. Don’t limit your child with a disability out of fear that they may fail.
3.
Some students with disabilities experience anxiety with having a new course added to their daily schedule. They may not want to fully enroll in a foreign language class out of fear of failure. In addition, they may be uncertain about which foreign language class they want to study. Talk to the educators at your child’s school. See if it is possible for your child with a disability to audit a foreign language course for a couple of weeks before deciding on enrolling. This will give your child an opportunity to get to know the teacher and the students in the class better and feel more comfortable in the new classroom environment.
Learning any foreign language is an excellent way to become exposed to a new culture. Studying a foreign language is more than just learning to speak, read, and write the language. It is about understanding the culture and customs of the people associated with the language. Your child will get to study the history of the language, the holidays associated with people who speak the language, the foods they enjoy, their various customs and religions, etc. All of this can assist your child with having a broader worldview.
Many children with disabilities experience concerns with expanding their social circle. Learning a foreign language may assist them with interacting with native speakers of the lan-
guage at their school. For example, the school may have a French, Spanish, German, or another language club they could join. Acquiring even a basic understanding of a foreign language may assist them with interacting with someone in the neighborhood or community who speaks that language. Lifelong friendships could develop out of all these interactions.
Throughout history, individuals with disabilities have struggled to find meaningful employment. Many individuals with disabilities encounter blatant discrimination in the workforce. Nowadays, more employers are advertising for bilingual workers. A child with a disability has a much better chance of finding meaningful employment if they are bilingual or have a basic understanding of a second language. Having your child with a disability acquire a foreign language could eventually lead to a higher salary rate and wider job selection in their future.
Not all foreign languages are verbally spoken. American Sign Language is the third most utilized foreign language in the United States. It is a visual language. Many students with disabilities may struggle with learning a foreign language that is verbal. However, they may excel with learning a form of sign language. Often students who are dyslexic may struggle with
foreign languages such as French or Spanish. They may attend high schools or university where graduation depends on having acquired foreign language credit. Research has shown students who are dyslexic tend to be strong visual learners. Many who often fail at learning a verbal foreign language excel at learning Sign Language.
8. Travel opportunities
Students at high school level are often exposed to travel opportunities when learning a foreign language. They may take a trip overseas together with a teacher chaperoning them. They may continue to study the same foreign language while attending university. Advancing their foreign language skills could lead to a travel abroad situation for them. These opportunities can help shape and mold your child into a functional and well-rounded adult who can contribute to the community in new ways.
9. Empowerment
Involvement in a foreign language will increase your child’s perspective of the world. It will allow them to be challenged
by their own pre-conceived notions of life for people who live in different countries and speak a different language. They can be exposed to what life for individuals with disabilities is like in those countries in comparison to their own country. It may give them insight into some of the privileges they may be enjoying as a student with a disability in their home country as opposed to other foreign countries. Learning a new foreign language also allows them the unique opportunity to make mistakes with the language, witness others making mistakes, and watch how others model correcting their errors.
10. Self-esteem
Learning and being exposed to a foreign language will not only improve the thinking skills, memory, and listening skills of your child, but their self-esteem too. Adding a new skill can help your child feel more competent and capable. As their self-esteem continues to improve, you may find an increase in their self-confidence, creativity, and social awareness.
Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm works with students with disabilities in the Northwest Arctic. He recently retired as an Assistant Director of Special Education for a public school district. He is also an Associate Faculty Member with the University of Phoenix and a Special Graduate Faculty member at the University of Kansas. He has Bachelor level degrees in English and Special Education. He holds Master level degrees in Counseling, Special Education, and School Administration. His doctorate degree is from Northern Arizona University in Educational Leadership. His postgraduate degrees are in Positive Behavior Supports and Autism Spectrum Disorders. He has worked for the past 38 years with students between the ages of three and 21 with disabilities and various medical needs in both school and community-based settings.
International best-selling writer and autist Temple Grandin joins psychologist Debra Moore in presenting nine strengths-based mindsets for successfully working with young people on the autism spectrum. Examples and stories bring the approaches to life, and detailed suggestions and checklists help readers put them to practical use.
Temple Grandin shares her own personal experiences and anecdotes from parents and professionals who have sought her advice, while Debra Moore draws on more than three decades of work as a psychologist with kids on the spectrum and those who love and care for them. So many people support the lives of these kids, and this book is for all of them: teachers, special education staff, mental health clinicians, physical, occupational, and speech therapists; parents; and anyone interacting with autistic children or teens.
Readers will come away with new, empowering mindsets they can apply to develop the full potential of every child.
TO PURCHASE: https://wwnorton.com/rd/autism
Temple Grandin is a professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She had no language until age four, and good teachers and her mother helped her develop her strengths. She has a successful career as both a designer of livestock handling systems and as a scientific researcher. She also lectures widely on her experiences with autism.
Psychologist Debra Moore has worked extensively with autistic individuals of all ages and their families. She believes in focusing on strengths and interests and fostering confidence and potential. She currently devotes her time to writing. This is her second collaboration with Dr. Temple Grandin, previously coauthoring The Loving Push: How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults
Learn more about Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets for Helping Kids on the Spectrum at wwnorton.com/rd/autism
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YouTube: Youtube.com/nortonmentalhealth
THE CHALLENGES OF PERSPECTIVE-TAKING FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH AUTISM ARE A KNOWN CHARACTERISTIC.
A REVIEW BY AMY PEARSON ET AL. PUBLISHED IN FRONTIERS IN HUMAN NEUROSCIENCE DEFINES PERSPECTIVE-TAKING AS “…THE ABILITY TO SEE THE WORLD FROM ANOTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT WHAT THEY SEE AND HOW THEY SEE IT.”
So why exactly is perspective-taking a challenge for individuals with autism? Well, the ability to complete this task requires a particular cognitive process that is neurologically difficult for them to access as it involves one representation, whether visual or auditory, but asks for the individual to execute “two differing points of view” regarding the singular input. In other words, we are asking them to process what they hear or see but translate an interpretation from a perspective that is different than their own, polar to their natural understanding.
This is not an easy task for individuals on the autism spectrum, but the more experiences we, as parents and caregivers, can expose them to, the greater their access to a broader perspective. Let your child gain perspective by allowing them to gain tangible experiences through their own senses.
My son, T, is now in middle school, and the social situations and questions he asks have become a bit more complicated to explain to him than before. So when these moments surface, I find myself leaning on examples to which he can relate.
One example is an unforgettable day trip initiated by my son, who offered me the “challenge” of driving across as many bridges as possible. We live in the Central Valley of Northern California—within a one-hour drive of San Francisco. So, against my innate preference for having a plan, my son and I drove the open road, merging from one major intersection to the next, with no exact itinerary. As a result, he saw how fortune cookies were made authentically by hand, ate one of the best-tasting hotdogs (that he still brings up two years later), and can recollect the eight variations of architectural ingenuity in the bridges all across the Bay Area. His memories of the experience can now act as a point of reference.
Scenarios that require perspective-taking are limitless and range in different contexts for social and academic purposes. Understandably, when your autistic child reveals a clueless face in their effort to understand what does not make sense to them, you may feel at a loss over how to help.
As parents and caregivers, we can help our children create denser cognitive pathways toward understanding different perspectives by guiding them to broaden what they DO know and what they CAN relate to. We need only rely on the resource of your child’s memory and experiences.
For example, my son is reading a book about perseverance and grit. He mentions to me that the book contains a story about a climber’s experience ascending Mount Everest. Naturally, he has no direct climbing experience, nor does he feel he can relate to the obstacles encountered in climb -
ing a mammoth mountain such as Mount Everest. His difficulty connecting to the story hinders his ability to answer critical-thinking-type questions that ask him to take in the perspective of the climber.
So, what experiences does my son share with the character that might spark his relational understanding? How can he be guided towards feeling connection to the climber in his book? To help him achieve this, I pull from his encyclopedia of life experiences: “T, do you remember the first hike we took in Yellowstone to Fairy Falls? Remember how long the hike seemed, but you continued walking not knowing what the end would bring us? Sometimes we know the journey, hike, or climb, can be challenging, but we go anyway because we hope the outcome will be that much more triumphant. And with that hope, we keep trekking forward, right? That’s exactly what you did, which made the view and the fun of playing in the waterfall even more spectacular.”
More experiences bring exposure to a wider variety of emotions, which contributes to helping individuals with autism
elevate a simple memory to one of deeper connection. It is also said amongst researchers, as noted by a piece written by Tsunemi et al., that “social perspective-taking can influence many elements of the academic experience and that students that get higher grades also tend to be more motivated and more accurate in perspective-taking.”
Instead of limiting your child’s main source of perspective to stories in books or movies, take their hand and help them create their own stories. Try a new experience and awaken a unique sensory experience together because the more you can introduce them to nuanced aspects of the world, the more tools they will have in their mental arsenal for broadening how they can connect with others. Guide them to seeing through a wider lens.
Resources:
Paton, Priscilla. “Temple Grandin and the Neuroscience of Empathy.” JAC, vol. 33, no. 1/2, 2013, pp. 352–63. JSTOR, http://www. jstor.org/stable/43854556. Accessed 23 Dec. 2022.
Pearson, Amy, Danielle Ropar, and Antonia F. de C. Hamilton. “A review of visual perspective taking in autism spectrum disorder.”
Frontiers in human neuroscience, vol. 7, 2013, pp. 652.
Tsunemi, Kohei, et al. “Intensive exposure to narrative in story books as a possibly effective treatment of social perspective-taking in schoolchildren with autism.” Frontiers in psychology, vol. 5, 2014, pp. 2.
JC Ellinger brings life stories and experiences as an autism mom to publications such as Exceptional Needs Today and Autism Parenting Magazine. She is currently working on her first children’s book geared at bringing relatability and support to other ASD children just like her amazing son. JC carries an MBA from Regis University and a BA in Communications from CSU Long Beach. Now, she is returning to graduate school to add an MA in English to her resume and spread her love of writing to young minds.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jc.ellinger.writer
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jc.ellinger
Email: Juliet.ellinger01@gmail.com
The possibilities for language use are endless! It allows us to use the sense of smell, which is something I've never been able to use in speech therapy prior. We can target things such as using a communication device or generating higher level writing activities which has been an exciting way to meet goals!
Heather Palazzo, Speech Pathologist, MS CCC SLP, New Orleans, LA
Essential Smells© include: Apple, Bread, Campfire, Chocolate, Cinnamon, Coffee, Donuts, Grass, Lavender, Maple Syrup, Mint, Orange, Pine, Pineapple, Popcorn, Rose, Rosemary, Strawberry, Vanilla and Watermelon. Each 0.5ml. roller ball will last approximately 1000 swipes MADE IN USA
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HELLO EVERYONE! I AM WRITING TO YOU FROM THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE, AND I CAN FEEL THAT LITTLE TINGE OF HOPE BUBBLE INSIDE ME: SPRING IS COMING. JUST THE THOUGHT OF SPRING BRINGS JOY TO MY HEART AND A LITTLE SKIP TO MY STEP.
Today’s column is all about setting boundaries with our special loved ones. I hope it brings you greater clarity on this topic, topped with newfound hope that the process, which can often seem complicated, just got a little easier.
Audrey from Texas asks:
I have a highly verbal 14-year-old son on the spectrum. I removed all of his video games from our house because I felt he was having an unhealthy and problematic relationship with them. He now wants them back and keeps asking for them multiple times daily. So, I set a boundary around it, saying that is something we are not going to do, but he keeps asking for them and getting frustrated. How do I get him to respect the boundary?
Thank you, Audrey, for this excellent question! You are so spot on about eliminating video games! Doing this is so helpful and healthy for your son, even if, at this moment, he does not realize it. Screens in all their variations can be problematic in the following three ways:
1. In my experience, they create more control battles than any other object or home activity. Video games often put a lot of stress on the relationship between caregivers and their loved ones.
2. Being on a screen slowly revs the nervous system up (without providing a physical outlet to release the energy), which sets people up for meltdowns.
3. Video games can create a vicious dopamine cycle where your child or adult needs more and more juicing of the dopamine system in the brain to get the same result. This leads to addiction and the frustration you see in your son. The more he plays them, the more time he needs to spend in a gaming session to achieve the same dopamine effect, so playing them eventually becomes less and less satisfying and more frustrating.
Bravo again on taking this courageous step! I hope you don’t forget to celebrate yourself and that you enjoy living in a video game-free zone!
Now, let’s focus on your question, which is how to get your son to respect the boundary of no video games at home. The place to start would be to redefine how you think and see boundary setting. Boundary setting is only about what YOU do. It has nothing to do with how your son responds to the boundary you set. This simple switch can be quite revolutionary because it liberates us from having to manage/ stop others’ responses.
Instead of trying to manage your son’s response, focus instead only on managing what you are doing or saying. You don’t need to convince him of anything; he does not need to change his opinion to respect the boundary. You don’t need to stop him from asking for the video games or wanting them. In fact, this is not something you can do. We cannot
change what another person thinks or does—only they can do that. It is OK, and very normal and human, to continue to want something even if you can’t have it.
Instead, welcome all his communications about wanting video games; you don’t need to shut them down to keep the boundary. Because setting a boundary is all about what YOU do, not what he does. You might tell him a variation of this:
“I love hearing what you want and what is important to you. I will listen to what you are saying; you can tell me and ask me for your wants as many times as you like. I will keep listening to you, and you can keep asking, and the answer is always going to be that I am not bringing them back. I love you and want to help your nervous system regulate itself by giving you a video game-free home.”
Your lack of resistance to him asking for them, coupled with your consistent answer of “No, they will not be coming back,” will remove your tension from the situation. Thus, everything you do around this boundary will be different, and how he responds to your new response will be different.
The video games are already gone and you are not bringing them back, so the boundary has already been set. Relax into the notion that he may always ask. This acceptance of him asking will also communicate to him that your boundary is immovable (i.e., he will start to believe you are really not bringing them back), because you are no longer trying to get him to stop asking for them. When your son senses that you “need” him to stop asking for the video games, it may communicate to him that there is hope. Because you need him to stop, you may weaken and give in just to get him to stop asking. If you give him hope, he will keep going
after what he wants. Again, that is a very normal and human thing to do.
Another useful action would be to offer him an alternative to video games. For example, you can:
1. Offer him books and magazines about his favorite video games.
2. Offer him merchandise (that is not electronic) with images of characters and themes of the games he likes.
3. Roleplay being characters from preferred games, reenacting some of the plotlines.
4. Watch playthroughs of favored games and learn some of the scripts from them, then surprise him by reciting bits and pieces in the same tone and character voice.
Have fun with this, Audrey, and please do write in and let us know how it goes. Keep sending in your questions or any stories about implementing some of my answers as I love hearing from you! Until the next issue, may you all be safe and well.
Kate C. Wilde has spent the past 30 years working with children and adults on the autism spectrum and their families, as well as with therapists, educators, and schools. She is the author of the acclaimed books, Autistic Logistics: A Parent’s Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Tantrums, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges and The Autism Language Launcher: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Child Turn Sounds and Words into Simple Conversations, and is renowned for the well-attended courses she teaches throughout the U.S., Europe, and Asia. Her YouTube autism quick tip videos, delivered with her trademark infectious enthusiasm, have garnered a following worldwide.
Websites: https://www.katecwilde.com/, https://www.autismcrisisturnaround.com/
Send us your parenting questions, woes, concerns, and tricky situations with your beautiful, exceptional children. This includes all of you amazing professionals out there. Kate will answer up to five questions in every issue in her Kate Makes it Great! column. Kate has worked with children and adults on the spectrum for the past 30 years. She has clocked more than 20,000 therapy hours and has worked with well over 1,500 different children. Whatever you are facing today, Kate has most likely experienced it in some form. Her answers will be practical, doable, inspiring, optimistic, down to earth, and real. Together, there is nothing we cannot face with a little joy and love.
Submit your questions to submissions@exceptionalneedstoday.com
Don't you wish there was a "magic" form for activities and games that...
actually wants to participate in?
Develops their interactive attention span
and socialization?
There is! Designed around common special interests enjoyed by autistic people, this book includes over 180 activities for families to do together to help strengthen relationships and develop social skills.
Kate shows how seven magic ingredients for optimal game-playing can be applied to a range of themes, from trains and planes to household appliances, the human body to animals and insects, TV and film characters, and what's more, how you can introduce your loved one's favorite topics.
She shares "Presto Chango" beliefs - the five mindsets you need to power activities - as well as how to understand the magic of timing and knowing when to start and stop an activity based on your loved one's cues.
AS WITH ANY CHALLENGE, SELF-AWARENESS IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STEP IN MOVING FORWARD. SHIFTING FROM SHAME TO ACCEPTANCE ALLOWS INDIVIDUALS TO TAKE THE STEPS NEEDED TO THRIVE. THIS SHIFT MIGHT APPLY TO A YOUNG ADULT WHO SEEMS STUCK, WHOSE STRUGGLE SEEMS UNCLEAR, OR WHO IS IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF IMMATURITY REGARDING THEIR ABILITY TO FUNCTION IN THE ADULT WORLD.
“Peter Pan Syndrome” was coined by Dr. Dan Kiley. Most people can think of an individual who never seemed to want or be able to grow up, take on the appropriate responsibilities of holding a job, live independently, or have healthy relationships. Although each person’s journey will look different, the path for many neurodiverse individuals seems strikingly similar.
Particularly for a neurodiverse learner, this kind of impediment can be far more complicated than an unwillingness to grow up; there are most often other significant factors at play. Today, it is more commonly known as “Failure to Launch.” Although Failure to Launch is not a clinical diagnosis, it is a term used to describe someone demonstrating an inability to sustain or make progress in education, employment, or relationships. Failure to Launch often presents a daunting situation for parents and educators and seems like a no-win scenario. To move beyond the challenge, it is natural to question: How do we help someone get unstuck? How do we help those who don’t want to help themselves? How do we help an individual who lacks the self-awareness to understand there is a need for help in the first place? These are all relevant concerns.
Early diagnosis of a learning difference, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or mental disorder can make access to support more empowering for the family and individual. The entire family in this situation must understand the individual’s strengths, needs, resources, supports, and the importance of self-advocacy.
Developing understanding and awareness of the differences with appropriate resources is best practice. As a result, proper skill development can occur, making it easier to learn new skills and for an individual to successfully apply them to real-world settings at a younger age. Acceptance by all can significantly impact “buy-in;” thus, early detection can most often lead to better outcomes and success.
Unfortunately, failure is learned early on for many individuals with learning or social differences. When an individual feels defeated, the propensity to shut down is prevalent. It becomes easier to do nothing than face the challenge head-on. The idea that success is out of reach becomes deeply rooted. As with all learned behaviors and experiences, previous experience becomes one’s frame of reference. Harmful behavior patterns
are complicated to break. However, with appropriate scaffolds and feedback, mistakes can be celebrated as a willingness to learn and grow, providing an opportunity to move forward.
Family structure can play a role in the Failure to Launch scenario. Family expectations can blur the ability to see what challenges exist for a child. A lack of understanding of why one child may struggle when the parent, siblings, or other family members never did can be limiting. Family members might say, “Don’t worry; they will grow out of this,” or “It’s just a phase.” However, learning differences, ASD, ADHD, or mental disorders do not follow that logic.
Many external factors dictate how families approach a child
with “special needs.” Educational opportunities, available resources, acceptance, or awareness at a young age impact expectations for the future. Finally, equity, or lack thereof, determines access to resources and outcomes and can ultimately limit opportunity and lead to disadvantages that are more difficult to overcome.
It is also important to note a solution should not be for families to attempt to shield their children from the problems or difficulties that arise due to their challenges. When families try to remove all barriers their child might face, they prevent the individual from overcoming obstacles and learning from their mistakes.
Overstepping parental involvement in school, work, or relationships can lead to a lack of autonomy, self-advocacy, self-reflection, and sustainability in adulthood. Overstepping can negatively impact the ability to reach appropriate milestones and develop self-management skills, perpetuating learned helplessness and forming debilitating habits that are hard to break.
There is a preconceived notion of a school timeline or readiness for the next step beyond traditional schooling. The typical pathway is kindergarten through twelfth grade, then college or vocational training, leading to employment. However, this conventional framework often needs to catch up on life skill development and social-emotional readiness. When teaching young adults with learning differences, often the focus is on credit acquisition, standardized testing, or even homework completion rather than skill development and social-emotional awareness.
An emphasis on resilience, social responsibility, self-advocacy, self-reflection, self-regulation, communication, management, and organization can develop a solid foundation. Practicing and adopting the above-mentioned skills, known as Qualities of a Sustainable and Independent Learner (QSIL), throughout their lives will support growth and development. Helping individuals re-frame their perspective on the things that may cause anxiety can have a positive impact, allowing for more rational points of view. Finding an educational setting that provides appropriate scaffolding and structured experience with clear, direct, and ongoing feedback is the key to success.
As many have said, failure should be viewed as an opportunity to grow. Being receptive and responsive can have a positive impact. An individual’s Failure to Launch can be altered with time when they are given appropriate support, consistent messaging, and practice developing self-awareness and acceptance. The key is to reimagine the timeline and trajectory for life on an individual basis and recognize not everyone’s journey is linear.
References
Katz, M. (2018, October 17). Failure to launch: Treating it as a process,
not a failure. CHADD. Retrieved December 30, 2022, from https:// chadd.org/attention-article/failure-to-launch-treating-it-as-a-process-not-a-failure/
Qualities of a sustainable and independent learner (QSIL). Winston Preparatory School. (n.d.). Retrieved December 30, 2022, from https://www.winstonprep.edu/list-detail?pk=106884
John Civita, MS Ed, is the Director of Transitions
Programming for the Winston Preparatory School. Winston Transitions is an extension of the Winston Preparatory School educational experience with NYC and San Francisco campuses. He is the founding director of Winston Transitions, a program for young adults aged 17-21+ with learning differences, focused on building academic skills while developing life and work readiness. His experience includes 20 years of working in education, emphasizing language processing, non-verbal processing, and executive functioning difficulties. He is also experienced in supporting adults with learning differences and their families with a particular interest in sustainability, employment, goal setting, and problem-solving.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-civita-25b61248/ Websites: Winston Transitions New York City, Winston Transitions San Francisco
HOW OFTEN DO YOU FIND YOURSELF COMPARING YOUR LIFE, ABILITIES, ACHIEVEMENTS, LOOKS, OR MATERIAL BELONGINGS TO OTHERS? DO YOU EVER WISH YOU COULD BE SOMEONE YOU SEE ONLINE, OR SOMEONE YOU DO NOT KNOW PERSONALLY BUT WHO LOOKS LIKE THEY LIVE A PERFECT LIFE? DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH ANOTHER CLASSMATE TO GET HIGHER GRADES OR WITH A PEER TO HAVE MORE FRIENDS?
If so, let me be blunt—you are focused on the wrong person.
Maybe nobody has told you this recently, but you are so special. So unique. You are quite literally one-of-a-kind, and it’s time for you to embrace it. The problem is that when we compare ourselves to someone we think is better than us, we assume we know the entire story of their lives. We think they are perfect, which, in our minds, makes us imperfect. As a result, our self-confidence takes a hit. We get angry and jealous. These feelings can consume us, and they ultimately distract us from focusing on our most important project…ourselves!
We are all so naturally rare in our own ways and we tend to forget this really easily, especially with social media giving us access to everyone else’s “highlight reel” of a life. We ignore the facts that A, no one is going to be running around the hallways crying about their relationship or posting about having a bad day or failing an exam for everyone to see, and B, even if they did, it wouldn’t make you a better or worse person. We don’t actually benefit from or become impeded by anyone else’s successes or failures…learning and growing from our own successes and failures, however, is a different story.
The best way (in my opinion, of course) to truly grow into whom we want to be is by competing against ourselves. YOU are your greatest competition. If you’re unsure of what I mean
by this, let me give you an example. Let’s say I want to take up running. First, I’ll start by walking around my neighborhood, and then maybe the next day, I’ll attempt running for two minutes and walking the rest of the way, and the following day I’ll try running for five minutes, and so on. Next thing you know, I am running around my entire neighborhood with no walking breaks. Each day, I focus on running longer than the day before. Each day, I use my past self as my competition, so I can become a better runner than yesterday.
Growth allows us to move forward and facilitates our ability to reach the goals we set for ourselves. With growth comes progress, and progress encourages and shows us we are capable of what we set our minds to. When we strive for progress (instead of perfection), we win each time we take a step forward, regardless of the size or direction of that step.
President Theodore Roosevelt once stated, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I think we all need to remind ourselves of this from time to time. Instead of investing energy into our comparisons with others, let’s invest that energy into becoming the best versions of ourselves. Whether in school, sports, through creating things, or everything in between, focus on what you are doing and how you can improve. Focus on making little advancements; these will not only serve you in reaching your goals but also promote healthy confidence in yourself and your incredible abilities.
Coral Levkovitz is a 23-year-old future physician. She graduated from the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill with a Bachelor’s degree in Biology. Coral is a second-degree Black Belt in Taekwondo and a licensed Emergency Medical Technician (EMT). She currently works as a group fitness instructor for cancer survivors and is pursuing medical school. She hopes her journey with ADHD will inspire others to become the best version of themselves and to pursue their dreams.
When we strive for progress (instead of perfection), we win each time we take a step forward, regardless of the size or direction of that step.
Tosha Rollins is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina, and the owner of Rollins Counseling, LLC. In 2018 she started the Autism in Action Podcast to help families connect with autism resources, services, and support. Tosha also enjoys serving the community as an autism advocate and has served as a volunteer for the Champion Autism Network and has worked with Lead with Love Training Company as a Safety Plan Coordinator Tosha is a public speaker & published author Her newest book is Autismology: An Autism Dictionary was published in 2022 by Future Horizons, Inc.. She loves adventures, traveling, nature, and spending time with her family. When she is not working, she is spending quality time with her family and planning her next adventure. Tosha is married with four children, two of whom are now autistic adults.
A u t i s m o l o g y i s a m u c h - n e e d e d r e s o u r c e f o r p a r e n t s a n d p e o p l e l i v i n g w i t h a u t i s m . C a p t u r i n g k e y p h r a s e s i n t h e i n c r e a s i n g l y a c c e p t e d n e u r o d i v e r s i t y m o v e m e n t , T o s h a g i v e s r e a d e r s m u c h - n e e d e d i n f o r m a t i o n t o b e t t e r n a v i g a t e t h e c o m p l e x m e d i c a l s y s t e m s a f f e c t i n g t h e c a r e o f t h e m s e l v e s o r l o v e d o n e s T o s h a g i v e s r e a d e r s a f r e s h p e r s p e c t i v e o n t h e e v e r g r o w i n g c u l t u r e o f n e u r o d i v e r s i t y S h e p r o v i d e s r e a d e r s t h e l a n g u a g e o f a u t i s m , a m u c h n e e d e d s t e p i n s o l i d i f y i n g a m o v e m e n t t h a t h a s b e e n a r o u n d f o r a l m o s t 3 0 y e a r s T h i s w o r k i s n e c e s s a r y f o r a n y p r o f e s s i o n a l w o r k i n g w i t h m e n t a l h e a l t h w h o w i s h e s t o s e r v e p e o p l e w i t h a u t i s m . A u t i s m S p e c t r u m D i s o r d e r r e m a i n s e v e r p r e s s i n g l y c h a l l e n g i n g t o l i v e w i t h a n d t h i s t e x t i s a m u c h n e e d e d e d i t i o n t o u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e l a n g u a g e o f i t s i n c r e a s i n g l y a c c e p t e d c u l t u r e .
F o r w a r d b y S e a n I n d e r b i t z e n , L C S W h t t p : / / s e a n i n d e r b i t z e n . c o m /
MOST PIECES I WRITE ARE ABOUT MY FRUSTRATION WITH HOW CHALLENGING IT IS TO RAISE A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD IN THE SPACE WE LIVE IN TODAY. THEY ARE ABOUT FIGHTING THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM, THE LACK OF SUPPORTS FOR FAMILIES, OR MY STRUGGLES DUE TO MY INADEQUACIES. I ATTEMPT TO SPEAK MY TRUTH IN AN AUTHENTIC WAY, AND WHILE I UNDERSTAND THAT’S ME SHARING MY VULNERABILITIES AND WEAKNESSES, I ALSO RECOGNIZE SOME WOULD INTERPRET THIS AS A WHOLE LOT OF WHINING.
But raising a child on the spectrum (or an autistic child, whichever you prefer) is also a great joy. I want to highlight some of those precious moments now. I often tell people, “Everything I’ve learned about life is because of autism.” So, autism is actually my greatest course of study in my lifetime, and my son is the most important professor I’ll ever encounter. It’s the most rigorous degree I’ve ever attempted to complete. And though I’ll never actually get a “degree,” I continue to reach for knowledge, wisdom, and hopefully a more humble, intelligent perspective.
The first joy came because of the people who entered my son’s life early on. They became our family. It’s an interesting phenomenon, and many hard-learned lessons have come from it. The people you expect to be there in the beginning are not there. They somehow fail. They say, “We don’t know what to say. We can’t make it better. We are so sorry.” And then they walk away.
You’ll never see those family members or friends the same way you did before. When someone fails you at the most vulnerable time of your life with your child, you have that permanently etched into your brain. Every time you see them for the rest of your life, you’ll remember the unkind words, how they walked away, or their insensitivity to you, your spouse, or your kids. The fact that they never once asked, “Can I do something? What do you need?” will poke at you. And worse yet, when you do ask them to accommodate you, they don’t. I remember asking people, begging actually, “Please just come over and play with our kids. Bring your kids over to run with them and interact and make us feel human.” They didn’t show up.
Then, in came this flood of angels. They don’t look like angels at all. They look like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapists, speech and occupational therapists, supervisors, social workers, and teachers. They are professionals, moms, or recent college graduates. They are not your family by blood, and sometimes, you even push them away. But they are your new family. They will know you and your immediate family better than your other family. You will be raw with them, there will be shared tears, and you will realize they’ve appeared in your life where this large aching hole existed, the one that formed because all your friends walked away from your pain because it was too much for them to dive into.
These new angels will soothe your unbearable pain by loving your child more than you ever knew possible. I still call these people my family. I will never forget the Chelseas, the Sarahs, the Sandis, the Jordans, the Alyssas, and the Tinas. These women became my sisters. I am so grateful for them and always tell them, “You saved me.”
Every so often, you get someone exceptional, a life changer. I remember Sarah often because she was our toughest ABA therapist. She adored my son, spoiled him with intense love, and she was a blast. But that fierce woman pushed us all farther than we ever wanted to go. There were times she broke us, but in the end, she taught me how to parent. She taught me to have the highest expectations and let go of some things I still struggled to release. I will never forget her, and even though she’s one of many, I remember her often, and I am thankful my son had the opportunity to learn from her for many years. Sarah is a legend.
The next joy came in the form of special needs families and support groups. Many families came in and loved us at a time we desperately needed it. They gave us words of encouragement, advocated for us in Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), or cried when we couldn’t get out of that black hole of grief. These mothers, friends, special needs buddies (namely Josh), and special agents of autism saved us. They gave us hope when we couldn’t move an inch forward.
Sometimes they gifted us free event tickets, which gave us the courage to try something new with our kids. It was often tickets to something we might have been afraid to try (like Disney World) due to the cost, the crowds, and the sensory overload. These gifts were worth much more to us than the money we saved. They were opportunities. Doors opened that we weren’t brave or strong enough to try opening ourselves due to constant fear and the fight or flight state we lived in for years.
My last joy is always his words—the words my son speaks to me are my hope and pride. Hearing his voice is truly my greatest joy. I am one of the fortunate parents who saw language bloom early on. We worked hard for every word, though. It didn’t begin like this. He had very unusual language for many years. Scripting, echolalia, more scripting— it took forever for him to learn things like hellos and goodbyes. Answering questions took years and years. But we
never gave up, and he never stopped trying, and something about that combination worked.
Something about being relentless in our quest for words finally sank in. My son got it, and not just that—he now speaks like a champion. Each time he talks to me, I fill up with so much joy, hope, and gratitude because I remember what it felt like when he was lost inside himself and unable to communicate with us. I remember those scared eyes, his meltdowns, and my feelings of grief and fear, which consumed me every moment. The joy for me is hearing him, seeing him communicate well, and knowing these gifts are truly the greatest rewards I will ever be given. I am not worthy of them, but I embrace them wholeheartedly. And I’ll never give up on hoping and praying that every special needs parent is given the gift of progress. I pray every family with similar struggles can and will feel these joys.
Melanie K Milicevic is a graduate of UCLA and a former fifth-grade teacher for the Los Angeles Unified School District. She mainly worked with second language learners and collaborated with special needs families to meet the unique needs of her students. She now advocates for her own special needs children and continues to work with schools to help educate them about ways to include children of all abilities in the classroom. Melanie is a passionate writer and has been published in Autism Parenting Magazine, Exceptional Needs Today, and Special Needs Resource Foundation of San Diego. She lives in San Diego with her husband and two children.
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What could be better than a children’s book written by an autistic middle school teacher?!
“See ME” is a book in three parts:
• Part 1 tells a beautiful and memorable story of a boy who felt invisible until a special peer “saw” him. Watch David emerge and transform in this true tale of kindness, worthiness, and the power to make a difference.
• Part 2 presents a more detailed description of autism. David relays the information in the same story voice, and children will experience autism from the inside out via the words of someone who lives it.
• Part 3 provides puzzles and other activities that reinforce the book’s vocabulary and concepts; experiential learning is impactful and lasting.
The underlying messages of the story include the worth of every person, the power of kindness, and the acceptance of differences in others and selves. While “See ME” may inspire children who have experienced challenges or special needs, it is intended for ALL children to encourage compassion and teach valuable lessons.
The book is geared to readers seven to 12 years of age but is suitable for reading to younger listeners. Parents and teachers will love the opportunities for growth and conversation stemming from this fun read.
AVAILABLE ON AMAZON in paperback: https://www.amazon.com/See-ME-Invisible-Autistic-Boy/dp/B0BDXLYMSJ
David Petrovic, BA, MAT, is a national speaker (including a TEDx Talk). Though virtually nonverbal until age three and the product of early special education, David graduated cum laude from Notre Dame College in 2015 with a degree in middle childhood education. He earned a Master of Arts in Theology in 2020. David is happily teaching junior high social studies in a private Catholic school in a suburb of Cleveland, OH, and aspires to teach high school theology.
Website and Blog: https://petro-autism.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/d.s.petro Instagram: instagram.com/petro_autism
Also, from this author (co-written with his mom, Sandy Petrovic) is the two-time award-winning book: Expect a Miracle: Understanding and Living with Autism. The revised second edition enables readers to experience, understand, improve, and embrace life with autism, whether personally or professionally. Available on Amazon in paperback or eBook formats: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NRBVGXR
It’s that time of the year again! Winston Prep is gearing up for its Summer Programs in New York City, Long Island, NY, Connecticut, New Jersey, and Online.
Learn more about Winston Prep Summer Programs that provide students with learning differences a unique, highly individualized learning environment to enhance their academic skills and foster independence.
Sign up now for Winston Prep’s Summer Program near you or Online.
By Meshell Baylor, MHS
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow!’” —Mary Anne Radmacher
TO ME, THERE IS NOTHING AS LOVING AND ENDEARING AS THE LOVE OF A PARENT FOR THEIR EXCEPTIONAL CHILD. ACCORDING TO THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL PREVENTION, ONE IN 44 CHILDREN HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED WITH AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD). THERE IS A MOMENT WHEN A PARENT REALIZES THIS DIAGNOSIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW JOURNEY. ENTERING THE WORLD OF SPECIAL EDUCATION AND NAVIGATING THE SYSTEM ALONE IS LIKE BEING DOROTHY IN THE LAND OF OZ, TRYING TO FIND YOUR WAY HOME.
arents are plagued with grief, worry, frustration, and loads of anxiety, according to the national library of medicine. A parent of a child with any exceptional need or disability should have the tenacity to put aside their feelings in order to build a relationship with a school on behalf of the child. According to the National Center for Education and Statistics, children do better 80% of the time when their parents are actively engaged in school (The National Center for Education Statistics). It is the job of the school and staff to help engage a new parent entering the world of special education in learning how they can work collaboratively with the school to support the child.
When my child was diagnosed with autism, it felt like the world had stopped. I was frozen by this new word—a disability I had never heard of before. What made matters worse was that I was sitting in a room full of people speaking in acronyms and jargon about assessments, class programs, and other things I didn’t understand. Any parent without prior knowledge of exceptional needs and special education will feel as if everyone speaks a different language from another planet.
There is a desire in the parent to help and learn more about working with the school, but the staff must also make that parent feel a part of the team. Bridging the relationship between parent and school can be easy if the school is willing to hear the parent’s voice and the parent is willing to work with the school to provide for the child’s needs. You may ask how this can be possible if the school or parent is not receptive. Here are some positive tips for both the school and parent I, as well as other parents and professionals, have used over the years.
1. Be welcoming
If you are a psychologist, school administrator, or speech pathologist, please remember the person sitting across the table from you is a frightened parent. They have concerns, they are worried, and this journey of learning the ins and outs of special education may be new for the entire family. When discussing the child’s disability, imagine yourself as the parent; step into their shoes and lightly tread when talking to them about their child. This is a moment where you, as the professional, can practice active listening and display empathy. Also, if the meeting starts super early, make a welcome basket with coffee, muffins, or water available. Morning Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings can be exhausting, especially if you have a parent with an exceptional needs child who does not sleep well at night and you’re asking them to come to an early meeting. Even if the IEP meeting is in the evening, have snacks available, as there is no telling how long it may run. I have seen many professionals provide a welcome basket for parents. The goal is to be accommodating.
2. Be receptive
As a professional, be willing to consider or accept new suggestions and ideas from the parent. If the parent has a suggestion about their child’s needs, help them be proactive. Allow the parent the opportunity to feel included. Remember, they are an essential part of their child’s IEP team. Active engagement helps the parent feel empowered to learn more about their child’s needs and encourages their willingness to welcome suggestions and ideas you, the professional, may have for the child.
3. Be informative
As a professional, your understanding of any diagnosis comes with jargon, acronyms, and various dialogue specific to your field of expertise. When sitting in a meeting with a parent, be informative. Engage the parent in the conversation; tell them what the assessment results say, break down the phrases and terms used, and explain what any testing scores mean with context. There will be times you will be working with a parent who may not speak English, has a disability of their own, or plain cannot comprehend the assessments’ implications. It is your job to be welcoming, receptive, and informative. Make them feel included.
4. Be resourceful
If this is a new journey for a parent with an exceptional needs child, make sure the team has resources available for the parent. Look up organizations, the local regional center, support groups, and listings to outside agencies that will help them navigate the process a little easier. Google the Department of Developmental Services (DDS) for regional centers that may prove helpful, as well as organizations like Autism Speaks, Autism Society, Special Needs Network, TASK, and Learning Rights. Provide as much information as possible so they can know where they can receive outside support. These organizations welcome all children with all disabilities, so refer the parent to them so they can utilize the additional support.
5. Keep them updated
Send the parent progress reports on the child’s status regarding their educational or occupational goals. This helps the parent comprehend the nature of your work as a professional. Tell them when the child has met a benchmark and is doing well. Give the parent praise for allowing you the time to work with the child on their goals. Overall, the goal is to maintain the parent’s feeling of inclusion and prevent any sense of exclusion or isolation.
6. Build a rapport
Establish a relationship and open line of communication with the parent. Ask how the holidays went for the family if they worked on a home assignment, and how the family dynamics function within the home. You want them to know you care about the student and their family. Building a relationship solidifies your attentiveness to the family. Make sure you feel connected when it is time for the student to transition to the next grade level.
1. Be open
This may not be easy for you, but please try to be receptive to the recommendations your professional may have regarding your child. Allow them to give you their professional input on how they can help your child. If you disagree with some things, write down your concerns so you can address them appropriately. Remember that though your voice matters, they also have a stake in your child’s care and education.
2. Review, review, review
If the school provides reports and assessments, take the time to read and review them. If you have questions, jot them down in a way that is accessible and bring them with you to the next meeting. You may also want to write down which parts of the source material inspired the question, so you don’t forget. If something you notice is incorrect, highlight it or mark it so you can address it at the right time. Asking for clarity is not a crime!
3. No question is pointless
Sitting across a room full of professionals can feel overwhelmingly intimidating. Listening to them speak about your child’s needs using phrases you have never heard of before can also be awkward. Bring a notebook to write things down and take notes. Do not be afraid to ask questions or say phrases like:
• “I am sorry. Can you explain what that phrase means?”
• “Can you give me an example of that?”
• “What exactly does this acronym mean, and how does it impact my child?”
• “Can you show me the progress my kid has made?”
• “Are there any writing samples I can see?”
Asking a question shows your engagement in understanding your child’s academic level.
4. Be informative
Inform the team of your child’s health and history, and address your needs and concerns. You are the most critical part of the team. Tell them what you have been working on with your child at home as a parent. Describe your child’s strengths and weaknesses, so they know how to work effectively with your child.
5. Welcome your child’s support team
If your child has additional help at home, such as a behavior therapist or speech pathologist outside of the school, invite all parties to the meeting. This is a collaborative meeting, so you want all hands on deck and everyone working for the child’s benefit. Any suggestions or advice is always encouraged, and both parties can learn what each one is working on with the child. They will appreciate your initiative.
6. Bring treats
If you are going into a meeting, trying to familiarize yourself with new staff, and have the means to bring treats or water,
you might want to do so. Sometimes these meetings overrun the scheduled time. I have seen both parents and staff provide snacks as a special treat before an IEP begins. This is an option for the parent, not a request or demand.
7. Build a rapport
For the next couple of years, you will have to go through many transitions with your exceptional child, so build a relationship with the team that will be experiencing these changes with you. Let them know how your child and family are doing, and keep them in the loop of any adjustments or progress. The goal is to keep bridging the gap in occupation between parents and school staff by keeping an open line of communication.
8. Be resourceful
As you walk through your special education journey and learn the system, you will come across courses, training, and support groups that will benefit the professionals on your IEP team. Please provide them with information so they can make use of these potential supports. This will help the professional comprehend more of the parent’s experience, helping rejuvenate their mind and methods to better assist the parent who comes after you.
I will close by saying that if the school and parent can effectively work together to build a relationship for the child’s benefit, the outcome will be a success. For the staff, remember to show empathy and a willingness to listen to the parent and the child. For the parent, allow yourself to keep an open mind on the recommendations and suggestions. Practice active listening for the benefit of your child as well as your fellow team members. The goal is to hear all parties’ perspectives and ideas, so everyone feels a sense of inclusion and cohesion. Below are some resources and references; remember, everyone, your voice matters, and it takes a village to raise a child.
References
National Education Center for Statistics
Parental Involvement in U.S. Public Schools in 2017–18 (ed.gov)
https://nces.ed.gov/pubs2021/2021041/index.asp
Resources
CA Department of Developmental Services is an agency through which the State of California provides services and supports to individuals with developmental disabilities.
https://www.dds.ca.gov
Autism Speaks Inc. is an autism advocacy organization and the largest autism research organization in the United States. It sponsors autism research and conducts awareness and outreach activities aimed at families.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/
Autism Society of Los Angeles is a non-profit 501c3 corporation
serving millions of people in the LA area affected by autism.
https://www.autismla.org/1/
Special Needs Network, Inc. (SNN) is a nonprofit grassroots organization responding to the crisis of Autism and other developmental disabilities.
https://snnla.org
Team of Advocates for Special Kids (TASK) serves families of children ages 0 to 26 under IDEA and other systems mandated to provide services to individuals with disabilities.
https://www.php.com/directory/team-of-advocates-for-specialkids-task/
TASK Learning Rights Law Center is a legal services nonprofit that fights for a child’s right to education. https://www.learningrights.org
Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and community advocate within the Los Angeles area. She has a bachelor’s degree in Human Services from Springfield College and a Master of Science in Human and Social Services. Meshell continues to volunteer and give within her community while serving the special needs community.
Website: http://meshellbaylor.wixsite.com/website
Instagram: https://instagram.com/imalittlebigb
By Emily Ansell Elfer, BA Hons, Dip.
Sophie watched her son Thomas playing with his train set. Round and round the trains whizzed around the track, and they had been doing so for hours. Far from bored of the game, though, Thomas remained enthralled, and his little face was lit up with glee. You see, trains were his special interest, and he could talk about steam engines for hours on end.
Although Sophie took pleasure in seeing her son’s enjoyment, she was also frustrated. If she tried to discuss other topics with Thomas, his eyes glazed with disinterest. She worried about how he would enter the workforce when he left school if he did not develop a desire to learn about anything other than trains.
Does the scenario above sound familiar to you? If so, you might be an autism parent. It’s common for children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) to show passion that borders on obsession for a very specific topic, and it’s common for parents to find this concerning.
Many people pursue their interests with intensity, but this tends to be heightened in autistic individuals. Known as “special interests,” the subjects people become attached to can vary greatly, but some of the most common (according to online forums) appear to be trains, maps, history, math, and astronomy.
Because special interests are often restrictive, they tend to be thought of as a deficit rather than an advantage associated with autism. However, along with appropriately utilizing resources such as early intervention and tutoring, nurturing a special interest can prove rewarding as a child develops into adulthood.
In fact, a study by Winter-Messiers (2007) reveals that when autistic children talk about their special interests, their behavior, communication, social, and emotional skills improve. All of these are excellent life skills to take forward into the working world. This article will focus specifically on how children’s special interests can be cultivated by parents to evolve into future careers.
Before we delve into some tips for parents to use at home, I want to highlight a few examples of autistic adults who have turned their special interests into careers.
Renowned autistic advocate Dr. Temple Grandin, PhD, is perhaps the most obvious example. She enjoyed drawing horses’ heads repeatedly as a child. Instead of discouraging the behavior, Dr. Grandin’s mother developed her daughter’s art skills. It is surely no coincidence that Dr. Grandin ended up forging a career designing livestock equipment.
“My mother had a very good sense of just how much to stretch me. Not just suddenly force me into something I couldn’t handle, but stretch. And she always encouraged my ability to draw. Now, I would tend just to draw the same horse head. She’d say, ‘Let’s draw the saddle. Let’s draw the stable,’” Dr. Grandin told Beaming Health.
Autistic writer Dr. Bernard Grant, PhD, is another advocate who sees huge value in nurturing special interests, as well as evidence of how a passion for writing can evolve into a vocation.
“I know many autists who have turned their passions into careers. Other writers, yes, but also psychologists, academics, software developers, entrepreneurs, HR professionals,
musicians, lawyers, and scientists. These are examples, not limitations: because our interests are as wide-ranging as those of any other neurotype, autists work in every field,” he explains. “Autistic interests serve many purposes...Not only do we develop expertise in areas that lead to careers and self-fulfillment, we also use our skills to advance society, helping others.”
With all the above information in mind, here are some ideas for how parents can cultivate their children’s special interests for the future.
If your child always engages in their special interest alone, take the opportunity to encourage socialization with peers. For example, if your child enjoys design, have a look at courses or groups in which they can get involved. If they have a passion for trains, perhaps there is a local train spotting society. Meeting other people with similar interests will help build communication and encourage skills such as teamwork, discussion, idea sharing, and turn-taking (all of which are key for the workplace).
To help your child become more versatile for future careers, think about expanding their special interest rather than steering away from it. Just think: Dr. Grandin had a fasci-
nation with drawing horses’ heads and ended up thriving in designing livestock equipment. So, if your child is interested in computer games, look at IT courses and software development. If your child is passionate about football, think about sports management courses. If your child is intrigued by planets (or one particular planet), get them thinking about astronauts, science, and engineering. You can start creating a spectrum of subcategories that branch out from the original special interest. This approach to learning should be easier than trying to get your child interested in something completely unrelated to their passion.
Source the appropriate training, equipment, and technology to support your child’s special interest. For example, invest in cameras, tech devices, and editing software if it’s photography. If it’s painting, invest in quality art supplies and art classes or courses. Your child will be happy you are supporting their passion, plus building their experience in using technology and professional equipment will provide opportunities for assembling a specialized resume.
It’s all very well saying special interests can be a strength, but striking a happy medium is important. For example, if your child is spending all their time on computers and it’s impacting their daily life (for example, personal hygiene is not being maintained and they rarely leave the house), some intervention is needed.
The “first, then” approach can be a useful way of using a special interest as a reward. For example: “First, we are going for a walk in the park, then you can play a computer game.” This is another way of preparing for the working world, as there are always some tasks in the working day that are more appealing than others!
Most children excel in areas where their interest is most intense, and this is no different in children on the spectrum. By incorporating autistic children’s passions into learning and encouraging them in an appropriate fashion, parents can prepare them for the future. This is true no matter how niche your child’s interest might be, as there are so many jobs available; a role that might be tedious for one person due to its repetition could prove truly rewarding for another. A key final thought to add is that a child who feels encouraged and supported in their interests is probably more likely to thrive. So, instead of attempting to steer autistic little ones away from their passions, let’s nurture them and enjoy watching them grow.
Anthony, L. G., Kenworthy, L., Yerys, B. E., Jankowski, K. F., James, J. D., Harms, M. B., Martin, A., & Wallace, G. L. (2013). Interests in high-functioning autism are more intense, interfering, and idiosyncratic than those in neurotypical development. Development and psychopathology, 25(3), 643–652. https://doi.org/10.1017/ S0954579413000072
Attwood, T. (2003). Understanding and Managing Circumscribed Interests. In M. Prior (Ed.), Learning and behavior problems in Asperger syndrome (p. 126–147). Guilford Press.
Baron-Cohen, S., Ashwin, E., Ashwin, C., Tavassoli, T., & Chakrabarti, B. (2009). Talent in autism: hyper-systemizing, hyper-attention to detail and sensory hypersensitivity. Philosophical transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological sciences, 364(1522), 1377–1383. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2008.0337
Grant B. Autistic Interests. Specialisterne USA, July 20, 2021. https://www.us.specialisterne.com/autistic-interests/
Hurtado, A. A Conversation with Temple Grandin in 2022. Beaming Health, September 19, 2022. https://beaminghealth.com/article/a-conversation-with-temple-grandin-in-2022-highlights
Jordan CJ, Caldwell-Harris CL. (2012). Understanding differences in neurotypical and autism spectrum special interests through Internet forums. Intellect Dev Disabil. 2012 Oct; 50(5):391-402. doi: 10.1352/1934-9556-50.5.391. PMID: 23025641
Winter-Messiers, M. A. (2007). From Tarantulas to Toilet Brushes: Understanding the Special Interest Areas of Children and Youth With Asperger Syndrome. Remedial and Special Education, 28(3), 140–152. https://doi.org/10.1177/07419325070280030301
Emily Ansell Elfer, BA Hons, Dip. is an NCTJqualified journalist whose work is published in newspapers, magazines, and across multiple websites. She is the Founder and Editor-inChief of Female Health & Fertility, a former Editor of Autism Parenting Magazine, a former Editor of B2B food publications, a former Deputy Editor of Toy World Magazine, and has managed content for the likes of International Women’s Day, Amazon, McDonald’s, and Diageo. Emily is proud to be continuing her work in the special needs sector as a Content Writer for Exceptional Needs Today
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/emilyelfer
To help your child become more versatile for future careers, think about expanding their special interest rather than steering away from it.
LATELY, I HAVE BEEN OFFERING PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT ON SEVERAL SPECIAL NEEDS FACEBOOK GROUPS TO HELP CONNECT FAMILIES AND PROFESSIONALS. MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, WHEN I MENTION LEADING RESOURCES AND STRATEGIES I ASSUME PEOPLE ARE FAMILIAR WITH, IT TURNS OUT THEY ARE NOT, IN FACT, AWARE OF THEM.
There appears to be a plethora of information for parents of children with learning differences, such as autism, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), cognitive challenges, sensory issues, and anxiety. But, for some reason, many people with different abilities are not being connected to the supports they need.
We know more about learning differences and neurodiversity than ever before. Schools in the USA must follow the 504 plan or the individualized education program (IEP) when supporting students. Each state has a department of education and a special education branch. Parents can connect to these supports to ask questions and get some guidance.
Parent networks, including Matrix Parents and Parents
Helping Parents (PHP), have been created in California. These are parent-to-parent connections that are free to access. In addition, the Autism Society has branches all over the USA in almost every state, as well as research centers such as Stanford Medicine, the UC Davis MIND Institute, and UCSF Star in California which can be found in most large cities. The US Autism Association offers an extensive library of resources.
How is it that parents are not told how to connect with what is available?
Exceptional Needs Today magazine offers FREE resources in its quarterly magazine, newsletters, and special projects. In addition, there is the United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) and The ARC to connect to for resources. What about the ADD and ADHD Association? What about the Epilepsy Foundation? They all provide research, information, and guidance.
Pediatricians must encourage parents to learn everything they can about their affected individual’s differences, strengths, capabilities, interests, hopes, wants, needs, and desires first and foremost. This can only be genuinely accomplished through thorough assessments. Those with students in schools need to develop their voice and, with conviction, request— perhaps even demand—that their individual be assessed through a multi-dimensional team (reading specialist, vision specialist, speech therapist, behavior specialist, psychologist, neurologist, occupational therapist, etc.). Each looks at the individual from a different perspective. Their combination of findings can lead to the most effective program of supports for the tested individual.
First Five California can help families of exceptional children in the early years. The Regional Center system may also help, a little in youth and then all the way through adulthood. Parents, you may have to use your tough professional voices to get people to listen to you. You must be able to identify your individual’s challenges and hold people accountable for finding ways to support them. Connect with other parents who have been through this journey. They can be beneficial. Those parent networks I mentioned do help.
Parents, you will have to carve out time, especially when securing early intervention, as knowledge of your individual’s differences helps to identify adequate supports.
You will also need to have crucial conversations with people. There will be a great deal of emotion surrounding these conversations. Cost may be challenging for families when it comes to identifying knowledgeable and effective specialists. Solutions will come when everyone prioritizes reaching an agreement—and there may need to be some negotiations.
Parents, remember the educational system identifies you as a key member of the education team. You have been given the right to a voice. You are your individual’s best advocate. Take time to learn their rights as well as your own as a parent. Do not let anyone silence your kind, professional, and meaningful questions and requests. They can be crucial in helping the professional explore, evaluate, identify, and implement effective strategies to address the learning differences of your child, grandchild, or dependent.
Remember to also hold yourself accountable. Again, this is about you, the parent, doing everything in your power to mentor and coach your individual so they can be as independent as possible. This is about you expecting your child to participate in their own life, if possible. You may have to break learning down into manageable steps and then celebrate every try. You might have to learn all the strategies specialists have identified and use them in your home, neighborhood, and community. You may have to insist on being taught by those specialists.
When everyone works together, success happens. When everyone faces up to their own accountability, the individual with a difference benefits. When everyone hears each other’s voices, everyone can be validated. This is about evaluation and assessment, collaboration, teamwork, prioritizing, and implementing effective strategies. This is about everyone nurturing the independence of an individual who learns differently. So, use your voice, make time, and hold everyone accountable!
Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona, in speech pathology and audiology. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a speech therapist for both public schools and private schools for 20 years before opening her own residential and education program for students with autism spectrum disorders. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University as well as UC Davis and spent 20 additional years directing private schools for those with autism and similar learning challenges. Karan founded a small non-profit, Offerings, which travels globally helping other cultures understand those with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an Autism Awesomeness event yearly, showcasing the strengths and talents of those who live on the spectrum. She is currently consulting, helping families, schools, and centers for children, teens, and adults. She has published articles to help bring ideas and strategies to families and professionals, providing hope. Karen authored Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators in the early 70s and published her second book, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, in 2017. Her third book, Typewriting to Heaven… and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living, is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love. Be sure to connect with Karen—she is always ready to listen and think of the possibilities.
Website: www.karenkaplanasd.com
Alexis asks: “How do I best make arrangements for my daughter’s physical care (housing, etc.) when I am no longer around?”
Alexis, thank you for your question. This is a concern we hear from every family we meet. It is truly at the core of planning for your daughter’s future. I recommend you work through a series of steps in securing her future:
1. Investigate
Investigate organizations in your area that provide housing for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, then schedule times to meet with them. Depending on your daughter’s abilities, there will likely be several options, including independent living apartments with supervision, Group Homes, and Alternative Family Living (AFL). In addition, depending on your family situation, some organizations will work with you on customizing a housing option for your daughter.
Once you have determined your area’s options, it is time to reveal the financial cost for those options. Commonly, a majority of the cost will be covered by government benefits such as Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Medicaid; however, those programs do not cover all the costs. It is es
We do recommend you find professionals to help you in creating your plan, as well as in carrying it out. Due to the complexity of government benefits, taxes, and legal issues, there are many pitfalls you will want to avoid, and a qualified guide can help you do just that. Visit our website, http://www.aspecialneedsplan.com to download our Complimentary Guidebook on Special Needs Planning to learn more.
Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS, is a registered representative of and offers securities, investment advisory, and financial planning through MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC. Securities and investment advisory services offered through qualified registered representatives of MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC. A Special Needs Plan is not a subsidiary or affiliate of MML Investors Services, LLC or its affiliated companies. This article is not a recommendation or endorsement of any products.
Website: http://www.aspecialneedsplan.com
Phone: 704-326-7910
Location: 101 N. McDowell Street, Suite 120 Charlotte, NC 28204
Would you like to be
Be
By Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm, EdD
OFTEN PARENTS OF A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY CAN BECOME OVERWHELMED WHEN ATTEMPTING TO ASSIST WITH THEIR CHILD’S DAILY ACADEMIC NEEDS. WHILE EVERY STUDENT CAN BENEFIT FROM EXPANDING THEIR KNOWLEDGE OF READING AND MATH, MANY STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES MAY NEED ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE APPLYING THESE SKILLS TO THEIR FUTURE VOCATIONAL NEEDS.
Here are 10 suggestions for parents to consider when wanting to aid their child in their vocational training needs.
Schools in the USA are mandated to offer 18-21 programs for students with disabilities who have not achieved their goals outlined in their Individual Education Plan (IEP). Students with functional learning needs will need additional instruction and supervision from their school to better prepare them for employment and meeting their daily living needs.
As a parent, you should meet with your child’s special education teacher to learn more about their program for students ages 18-21. Find out how your child can qualify to stay in school until age 21. Look at what the program may offer so you can prepare your child with a disability to transition from their high school program into the 1821 program.
You’ll want to have these conversations with the special education personnel at your school prior to your child’s graduation. Once they receive their high school diploma, it is unlikely they can become part of an 18-21 program.
Find out what career interests your child may have. A special education teacher at your child’s school or the school counselor can administer a Career Interest Inventory to your child to determine where their strengths and weaknesses may be and give them additional support and ideas on career choices.
Many children with disabilities are not unlike their peers without disabilities. They may not know exactly what they want to do after they complete high school. Not every 16 to 18-year-old student has a clear vision of what they want to do with the rest of their life after graduation. So, if your child with a disability tells you “I don’t know,” when asked what kind of job or work they want to do, don’t panic. It is a typical response received by many parents of teenage children.
Help prepare your child by increasing their level of independence at home. Every child with a disability is at a different readiness level to prepare to transition to a place of employment or to live independently. Assist with developing your child’s independence by requiring them to do chores around the house. These can include making their own bed, learning to cook simple meals, vacuuming, doing their own laundry, taking out the trash, running errands, yard work, taking care of a pet, emptying the dishwasher, and sorting silverware, etc.
Some students with disabilities struggle with following multi-
step directions. As a parent, you will likely learn more about task analysis. This concept allows you to break a task down into individual steps and can lead your child with a disability to successfully complete a task independently. Something functional, such as showing your child how to use the washer to clean their clothing, can be demonstrated using task analysis. Here is a simple example:
Some children with disabilities will advance quickly through a task analysis. Others may take more time to advance through each step as they achieve their full independence. By utilizing task analysis, you may be very surprised at how independent your child with a disability can become.
Appropriate social skills are very important when entering a place of employment. Work with your child’s special education teacher to instill some social skills when working at a job. Many individuals with disabilities with proper work-related skills may struggle with what to do during their downtime at work, such as their scheduled 15-minute break or lunch time. They may need to be reminded of what is considered appropriate clothing to wear at work or even appropriate conversations. These skills can be practiced both at school and at home.
Work with your child’s school to involve them in a job shadowing program. See if they can assist a teacher working with younger children in the classroom. Can they shadow and assist the school custodian with learning job-related skills? Could they learn how to serve or prepare food in the school cafeteria or clean the tables after the students have completed eating? Could they assist in the school library with shelving books or dusting and cleaning materials? Such shadowing can allow others to “model” proper job-related skills to your child. It will also allow your child to receive “guided practice.” They can make errors and learn how to correct them successfully. Mentor figures in the school setting can also provide your child with additional reinforcement and encouragement to complete a job and instill a sense of satisfaction in your child.
Remember that it will be necessary for your child to have proper supervision when they are first learning vocational training skills or when they enter a place of employment for the first time. While some students with disabilities may demonstrate proficiency with skills at school or even within their homes, they may not be able to initially generalize these skills to a newer environment. Having someone who can supervise your child and
encourage them to develop their skills will be essential to their overall success. A job coach would be an excellent resource for your child with a disability to interact with.
As your child advances in their level of independence, it will be essential for them to self-advocate. First, they need to know the name of their disability. You can’t advocate for everything you need if you don’t know the extent of accommodations needed. Then they need to be able to explain what accommodations on the job they may require. If they have a medical condition, they may need to be able to explain what assistance they require during an emergency.
When entering the workplace, many young people with disabilities often notice there are no other workers with disabilities present. There are organizations in your community that can assist you with this issue. Having your child with Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, blindness, etc., meet another individual with the same condition can be life-changing for them. It will allow them to ask specific questions of this other individual as to how their disability impacts their day at work, what kind of work they do, how others have treated them at work, understanding the sense of pride for feeling independent etc. It will also empower them by proving that individuals with disabilities can contribute to the community through employment.
No one entering a place of employment is “perfect.” While you may be panicking about your child transitioning to an independent life, just breathe. Many young people with disabilities end up surprising their parents with how much their skill level has increased with the proper support and coaching. They may make mistakes, as we all do. But knowing you are there to support them will allow them a sense of comfort only you can provide.
Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm works with students with disabilities in the Northwest Arctic. He recently retired as an Assistant Director of Special Education for a public school district. He is also an Associate Faculty Member with the University of Phoenix and a Special Graduate Faculty member at the University of Kansas. He has bachelor level degrees in English and Special Education. He holds master level degrees in Counseling, Special Education, and School Administration. His doctorate degree is from Northern Arizona University in Educational Leadership. His postgraduate degrees are in Positive Behavior Supports and Autism Spectrum Disorders. He has worked for the past 38 years with students between the ages of three and 21 with disabilities and various medical needs in both school and community-based settings.
THE WORLD OF SPECIAL EDUCATION CAN SOMETIMES BE DIFFICULT TO NAVIGATE. THERE ARE NATIONAL LAWS, DISTRICT PROCEDURES, AND SCHOOL PROCEDURES THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED, BUT THEY MIGHT NOT ALWAYS MAKE SENSE WITHOUT EXPLANATION. THAT IS WHY COLLABORATION AND COMMUNICATION ARE KEY.
Special education dialogue in meetings can involve a plethora of acronyms, laws, and educational terms that general education teachers and families don’t necessarily use every day. This might mean they aren’t as familiar with them.
Think about it—special education teachers are working day in and day out with the terms and acronyms related to Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings and different education-related laws. But, for those team members with limited experience using them, it can be overwhelming. That’s why it is imperative to have good collaboration and communication partnerships between general education teachers and special education teachers, as well as between teachers and student families.
There are a couple of common barriers when trying to form a truly unified IEP team. Often, a disconnect occurs when one of two things happens: there is a lack of communication or there is a misunderstanding between team members. Either of these could occur between the educators and the family, or it could even occur between the general and special education teachers themselves.
General education teachers and special education teachers must work together to support students in all school environments. This means being able to communicate effectively. If a special education teacher is rattling off acronyms and different laws, it could leave a general education teacher feeling overwhelmed and lost. The same goes for students’ families. During IEP meetings, there tends to be a lot of educational jargon said, and even if a particular student’s family has been involved in the IEP process for a while now, that doesn’t always mean they know exactly what each acronym and law means.
So, what are some solutions to these issues? First, it is important to make sure everyone knows how the meeting will be run and what the specific terms and acronyms being used mean. It is also useful to assure the whole team that everyone present is attending for the good of the student. These are all essential aspects of a truly unified IEP team. How can we make sure all team members are set up for success?
1. Take time at the beginning of the meeting to review its purpose. Is it to create a new IEP or amend the current one? Is the meeting intended to go over test results, change a student’s placement, or determine eligibility? Make sure the purpose of the meeting is clear to all members of the team.
2. Have a meeting agenda where you go over what will be discussed. Make sure you have plenty of time allotted for students’ families to give information and feedback.
3. Before diving into the meeting, take some time to go over terms that will likely be used. For example, does everyone on your team know the difference between
accommodations and modifications? How about the definition of a Least Restrictive Environment (LRE)? Going over these terms and acronyms will help the other members of your team not feel like you’re speaking a second language.
Increasing communication and understanding will increase collaboration among the IEP team, ensuring the student receives the best possible outcome.
Rebekah Poe, MA, MEd, is an award-winning special education teacher and national teaching conference presenter with over a decade of experience in the special education field. As an educator, Rebekah focuses on providing equitable education and establishing connections to students of all ability levels in an inclusive setting.
Website: www.RebekahPoeTeaching.com
By Ron Sandison, MDiv.
“You are always one decision away from a totally different life.”
—Author Unknown
AS A YOUNG ADULT WITH AUTISM, I OFTEN STRUGGLED WITH MAKING DECISIONS AND TAKING HEALTHY RISKS. AFTER EMPLOYMENT AND RELATIONSHIPS, THIS WAS MY GREATEST CHALLENGE. I HAVE LEARNED TO TAKE RISKS THROUGH THE AID OF MY SUPPORT TEAM AND TO USE THE SEVEN-STEP PROCESS OF DECISIONMAKING.
My support team is made up of my family and friends, but others may be added or removed to best fit the situation. I often include experts in whichever area I am making a decision. With their help, I experience less anxiety and feel confident in taking action.
Decision-making is often exhausting, overwhelming, and anxiety-provoking. Hating change in my routine and burdened by fear of the future, I used to avoid making decisions by allowing others to make them for me. Transitioning into adulthood requires us to learn to make wise decisions for ourselves by evaluating the consequences of our choices. We should not fear making wrong decisions but instead have the desire to learn from our past choices and improve our decisionmaking skills.
Success in life requires us to take proper risks. Myles Munroe, a fellow Oral Roberts University alumni and author of Maximizing Your Potential, wrote:
The graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step.
During the 2008 housing crash, my parents and brother, Steve, urged me to purchase a house or condominium. They informed me, “With the housing crash, prices will never be this low again.” During the crisis, you could buy a $270,000 house in Michigan for only $60,000. Unfortunately, with my fear of job security, the economy, and taking risks, I failed to heed their sound advice.
Looking back, I wish I had purchased a home. For our support team to be effective, we need to heed their sound advice and learn from our mistakes. After this missed opportunity, I’ve learned to utilize the decision-making process and consider my support team’s advice even if it scares me.
The seven steps of the decision-making process
Life is inherently risky. There is only one risk we must avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing. The decisionmaking process helps me be proactive and resolve issues by examining options and deciding on the best route. I experience less anxiety by implementing a step-by-step routine to make my decisions.
Here are the seven steps of the decision-making process:
1. Identify the decision. Ask yourself, “What is the problem I need to solve?” or “The choice I need to make?” Write the decision as a question and as a goal. For example, maybe you desire to transition from your parents’ home to an apartment to gain more freedom. The decision in question is: “How can I move from my parent’s house into an apartment?” Then, frame the decision as a goal: “I desire to move into an apartment in the next three months.”
2. Gather information through research and contacts. Gather data by asking people who have recently made a decision about the same subject, professionals in relevant fields, and reading books and articles on the topic. You will want to gather as many resources as possible to make the best choice. Write down the information you gain from your research and share it with your support team. For example, when deciding whether to move out of your parents’ house, gather information on apartment complexes in the area you want to move into. Talk to the apartment office management to compare rent prices and the accommodations you may need.
3. Identify alternative options. After you gather information, identify possible solutions to your problem or different ways to accomplish your goal. For example, “I could save money for an apartment down payment (option 1) or save money by having a roommate who helps pay the rent (option 2).” Write down your options and discuss them with your support team.
4. Weigh your options by examining the pros and cons. Once you have identified your options based on the information you gathered and your support team’s insight, you can make an informed decision. Write a list of the pros and cons of the different options. “Pros and cons of moving out of home: a positive of moving out of home would be more freedom and no curfew, while a negative would be cooking meals, washing laundry, and paying rent.” Some could be both a pro and a con, depending on what your goal is.
5. Choose from among the options. You gathered the information, discussed the decision with your support team, and weighed the pros and cons. Now, you can make your decision. For choosing the best option, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and “What’s the best
that can happen?” This can help you understand the risk factors in your decision. If you find yourself still plagued with indecision or dwelling on the worst-case scenario, you may have to trust your support team’s advice. They have wisdom from experience and know what you need; they can help you to make wise decisions based on logic rather than emotions.
6. Act by developing a plan to accomplish your goal. Mark on a calendar the date you hope to reach your goal. Break your decision into small attainable steps. Kate McNulty, a therapist who is autistic, recommends, “Having a list to work from helps your brain focus. Checklists are particularly calming for the Asperger’s mind because they reduce decision fatigue. With a list of steps to follow, you can get into action without overthinking. A list enables you to place your attention where it’s needed.”
Each day, I write in a pocket-size notebook a list of things I need to accomplish. I use my daily lists as a reminder, which helps me focus on long-term goals and projects. In addition, my lists break down significant goals into attainable steps. In fact, writing this article was on one of my lists.
7. Evaluate your decision based on the impact. After you’ve taken action to reach your goal, wait a month and evaluate the consequences of your decision. Every six months, re-evaluate. Examine the process you took to make your decision, as this will help you to develop your decision-making skills further. Talk with your support team about the impact of your decision.
Analyze the positive and negative results. Ask yourself questions like, “What other decision could I have made?”, “How is my life better or worse by the decision I made?”, and “Did I have anything to fear by making this decision?” The decision-making process enables us to prioritize our tasks by their level of urgency, importance, and severity of the consequences for not doing them.
The seven-step decision-making process has empowered me to resolve issues with less anxiety and gives me the confidence to take healthy risks. When making an important decision, I still consult my support team for advice. As an adult with autism, I enjoy taking healthy risks like trying a new restaurant or going on a family vacation to a new place like Painted Rocks. Confidence in decision-making was essential for my career, writing books, and having a family. For me to accomplish these goals, I had to act.
Ron Sandison works full time in the medical field and is a professor of theology at Destiny School of Ministry. He is an advisory board member of the Autism Society Faith Initiative of Autism Society of America, the Art of Autism, and the Els Center of Excellence. Ron has a Master of Divinity from Oral Roberts University and is the author of A Parent’s Guide to Autism: Practical Advice Biblical Wisdom published by Siloam, and Thought, Choice, Action. He has memorized over 15,000 Scriptures, including 22 complete books of the New Testament Ron speaks at over 70 events a year, including 20-plus education conferences. Ron and his wife, Kristen, reside in Rochester Hills, MI, with their daughter, Makayla.
Website: http://www.spectruminclusion.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SpectrumRonSandison
Email: sandison456@hotmail.com
Life is inherently risky. There is only one risk we must avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.
ONLINE SCAMS CONTINUE TO GROW, AND VULNERABLE ADULTS, INCLUDING MANY PEOPLE WITH EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS, ARE OFTEN THE VICTIMS. IN ITS MOST RECENT REPORT, THE FBI RECEIVED ALMOST 25,000 “ROMANCE SCAM” COMPLAINTS. THE VICTIMS OF THOSE SCAMS LOST NEARLY ONE BILLION. THAT’S ONLY WHAT’S REPORTED TO THE FBI. THE TRUE SCOPE OF THE ONLINE SCAM PROBLEM IS MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT. IT’S SCARY!
s a person with special needs who wants to live a social life, the fear of missing “red flags” and falling victim is real. As a parent, the fear your child will be targeted and fall for a scam is petrifying.Unfortunately, for too many parents we’ve met, their fear has become a reality. One family came to us having been defrauded of over $30,000.
Even worse, online scammers are getting increasingly sophisticated in how they target their victims and lure them in. The FBI noted, “The criminals who carry out Romance Scams are experts at what they do and will seem genuine, caring, and believable.”
A genuine, caring, and believable online persona—undoubtedly coupled with an attractive photo—is a powerful hook for someone who feels isolated and lonely. The desire of so many adults with exceptional needs to feel a sense of connection is real, which makes it easy to overlook “red flags” indicating the other person isn’t real.
There are many ways to keep yourself and your family safe from scammers, and discussing with your financial institution the safeguards they have available is an important place to start. But there’s more to be done because financial safeguards only address the symptoms of loneliness, not the cause.
What you or your child also need is a solid, science-backed social strategy that incorporates financial, physical, and emotional safety. Building a social strategy and going out into the real world with it is exactly what we work on with our clients every day. The reason why is because a solid strategy that gives our clients a clear path to their goals reduces their loneliness and anxiety and gives them inspiration and motivation.
Whether you’re a person with special needs or a parent of someone who is, the fastest route to a more vibrant social life is a smart social strategy. A smart strategy for being more confident and less fearful. A smart strategy for where to find the right people. A smart strategy for how to talk to them in a way that creates a spark. And a smart strategy for how to use those conversations as a launchpad for friendships, dates, and more.
Going out into the social world without a social strategy leaves everything to trial-and-error, and we all know how damaging that can be. Living a vibrant social life can be a balancing act, where you’re trying to maximize enjoyment while minimizing risks. It all starts with a strategic plan. If you go out into the world without one, you aren’t maximizing your potential to reach your social goals, and you may be increasing your risk of being exploited.
When you go out into the world with a solid plan—one that emphasizes both socializing and safety—you can focus on meeting new people, building your interpersonal and
networking skills, and enjoying your progress. And that’s important because socializing is supposed to be fun.
But it’s hard to have fun and feel a spark when socializing if you’re frustrated by the constant trial-and-error cycle or the ever-present fear that you may be exposed to potential scammers.
Scamming lonely people is twisted and criminal, regardless of where it happens. But that’s the world we live in—the vast majority of people are genuinely good, but there are some people who do truly awful things to others. The trick in life is to find the good people and avoid the bad ones, and when you can’t avoid the bad ones, at least be prepared to protect yourself. The goal is a social life where you’re surrounded by people who care about you, which is one of the world’s most wonderful feelings.
Jeremy Hamburgh and Ilana Frank run the Social Life 360 program (www.MyBestSocialLife.com), which is a groundbreaking program that empowers autistic adults to meet new people, make new friends, start dating, and build relationships using a combination of science-based social strategy, wrap-around coaching and mentoring, and a warm, loving, and inclusive community all working towards the same goals. Parents can schedule a no-cost 90-minute Strategy Session for their family at MyBestSocialLife. com/Apply or by emailing them at Jeremy@MyBestSocialLife.com or Ilana@MyBestSocialLife.com
Website: www.MyBestSocialLife.com
By Jeniffer Gillette-Dionne
AS PARENTS, WE ARE ALL ADVOCATES FOR OUR CHILDREN; WE FIGHT INSURANCE COMPANIES, BILL COLLECTORS, AND ANYONE WHO GETS IN THE WAY OF TAKING THE BEST CARE OF OUR EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN. BUT HAVE WE EVER THOUGHT OF BEING ADVOCATES FOR OURSELVES? WHY, MAY YOU ASK? BECAUSE EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP, YOU ARE RUNNING A RACE, AND IT’S ALWAYS NEW AND DIFFERENT. SOME DAYS ARE HARDER THAN OTHERS. LET’S FACE IT, THERE ARE SOME DAYS YOU CRY BEFORE 9 AM.
Picture a typical morning—you are starting at the crack of dawn. Maybe you are staring at the coffee pot, which seems to be taking a year to brew a cup of coffee, listening to the tiny drip drop of the sweet nectar that will get you going. Or maybe it starts at your child’s side. They are already looking at you, smiling, awake, and ready to be picked up. Or perhaps you wake up your child who needs to be changed and have their feeding tube set up, and you see such love in their eyes and smile.
Some days start with a screaming child. You rush out of bed to calm them, heart racing, even knowing in the back of your mind that they are OK, but there is always that little “whatif” that runs through your mind and makes you run just a touch faster. I know I always hated waking up to the sound of screaming. It just seemed to start the day off wrong.
Here is where it gets hard, deeper, and more vulnerable. Here is where we talk about becoming advocates for ourselves. Mama, how was today, really? How are you holding up, Dad?
Everyone always asks about the children, but sometimes they forget the parents also need help: a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, or someone who, upon occasion, can dry tears and just be in the moment. The daily difficulties can take a toll. And as the saying goes, “It takes a village.” Unfortunately, most of us don’t have the privilege of having villages today.
I interviewed a mother with two teenage boys on the autism spectrum who also have attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I asked her how she was doing mentally, and let me tell you, it was eye-opening. It was also a little heart-wrenching, to be honest. Notice there are no questions in the interview. That’s because I asked none; I just let her breathe and say whatever came to her mind, the good, the bad, and the stuff she didn’t even think she was holding inside.
With her permission, I will share some of her thoughts:
• Some days are better than others. My 17-year-old still needs direction on showering and brushing his teeth. He will be with us forever.
• My youngest, 14, is very impulsive and gets in trouble a lot. I deal with the all-too-often calls from school because he blurted out something offensive or had a meltdown. I feel for my baby, who’s not a baby anymore. I want him to be happy and succeed, and he’s dealing with a lot as a budding teen.
• Then there’s the embarrassment and shame that I’m failing as a parent as I apologize to the exceptional children’s teacher or counselor who walks my child out to me because he has to go home for the day.
• Most days, I’m overwhelmed, worried, scared, and feel like I’m failing them. Some days I just want a break, to sleep, and not worry about what will happen when I’m sleeping.
• It also causes stress and arguments in my marriage.
• It’s a heavy weight. I love my boys. I’m proud of the hard work they’re putting in. But it’s hard, and I’m exhausted. I carry much guilt over what I’m not doing right.
Did you see yourself in any of her words? Did a tear run down your face? What is happening in her home is happening in homes all over our country every day. Does the reason to become an advocate for yourself and other caregivers seem a little clearer now?
It’s really time to reflect on the mental health of parents with
children of exceptional needs. But where do you start?
• Admit you aren’t OK. “It’s OK to not be OK,” is something we hear often in today’s world, and it applies to you, too.
• Seeking outside help is one of the most important steps. Find a therapist, preferably one who works with exceptional children and their families.
• Start journaling. Write down the good and the bad, and be prepared to unleash the ugly, too!
• Spend some alone time outside. You will be surprised what just 10 or 15 minutes soaking up some Vitamin D will do for you.
You have the toughest job in the world but also the greatest privilege. Raising children with exceptional needs is something people rarely envy, but they don’t get how special it can really be. The person I interviewed is a dear friend of mine. Just last month, her oldest son said something I won’t soon forget. In his deep, manly voice, he said, “I miss you, Jeniffer. You moved. I want to see you! I love you!” This brought both his mother and me to tears because those words aren’t something someone who will continue to live at home throughout his adult life would typically utter; it was a magical moment.
The suggestions in this article could get you on the road to feeling a little more like you than you may have felt in a long time. Be your own advocate, and remember the harder you fight for yourself, the more energy you will have to fight for your exceptional child!
Jeniffer Gillette-Dionne has advocated for making mental illness non-taboo for over 10 years. Her experience in motherhood groups, mental illness groups, and helping many friends get their lives back has given her a fresh perspective. Jeniffer struggles with mental illness, so writing about it is her way of paying it forward. She has a passion for helping anyone she can, always being active in her community, and helping those lost in the fog of mental illness find their way home.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeniffer-gillette-dionne/
By Nicole Moehring
FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH DISABILITIES, ABUSE AND EXPLOITATION ARE HEIGHTENED DANGERS. ACCORDING TO DISABILITY JUSTICE, INDIVIDUALS WITH DISABILITIES ARE FOUR TO 10 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE ABUSED THAN THEIR PEERS WITHOUT DISABILITIES. ABUSE IS OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS ONLY BEING PHYSICAL. HOWEVER, THERE ARE MANY FORMS OF ABUSE. AS PARENTS AND GUARDIANS, WE MUST BE AWARE OF THE MANY FORMS OF ABUSE AS WELL AS THE POSSIBLE SIGNS.
Below are the various forms of abuse and brief descriptions of how they may present:
• Bullying
Unwanted, aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated over time.
• Complex trauma
Exposure to multiple traumatic events and difficulties that develop as a result of trying to survive.
• Domestic violence
Abusive or violent behavior directed by one family or household member against another.
• Economic abuse
When an abuser makes or tries to make the victim financially reliant. Economic abusers often seek to maintain total control over financial resources, withholding an individual’s access to funds or prohibiting the victim from going to school or work.
• Emotional abuse
Deflating or invalidating an individual’s sense of selfworth and/or self-esteem. It may result in constant criticism, name-calling, injuring an individual’s relationship with the person, or interfering with their abilities.
• Financial abuse
When someone harms another person relating to money. For example, using an individual’s money for themselves or making them spend money by conniving them.
• Mental abuse
The use of demeaning, intimidating, or threatening words, signs, gestures, or other actions about an individual that result in emotional distress or maladaptive behavior.
• Misappropriation
The unauthorized use of another’s name, identity, or funds without their permission, with the likelihood of it harming that person.
• Neglect
Defined as failing to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to the individual so that their health, safety, and/or well-being are threatened. It also includes isolating an individual from their loved ones and prohibiting someone from going to school or work.
• Physical abuse
Any form of violent behavior inflicted on another individual, destruction of their property, or injuring their pets. This may include biting, cutting, burning, hitting, slapping, battering, shoving, punching, pulling hair, pinching, etc.
• Psychological abuse
When an abuser invokes fear through intimidation;
threatening to physically hurt another individual, their family or friends, or pets.
• Threats
To intentionally inflict damage, injury, or pain to someone in retribution for actions done or not done.
• Stalking
May include following an individual, spying, watching, harassing, showing up at someone’s home or work, sending gifts, collecting information, making unwanted phone calls, or leaving unsolicited written messages. When any of these things are done individually, they are legal, but any of these behaviors done repeatedly result in a crime.
• Sex trafficking
Illegal business of harboring, recruiting, transporting, or providing an individual, especially a minor or vulnerable individual, for the purpose of sex.
• Sexual abuse
When an abuser coerces or attempts to coerce an individual into having sexual contact without their consent. Some examples are attacking intimate body parts, forcing sex, sexually demeaning an individual, marital rape, or telling sexual jokes at the individual’s expense.
Illegal sexual contact that involves force upon an individual without consent.
• Verbal abuse
Harsh or insulting language directed towards an in-
dividual. Verbal bullying could include name-calling, insults, homophobic or racist remarks, aggressive language, and slurs.
Nicole Moehring’s daughter and son, who has Fragile X Syndrome and autism, were both victims of sexual abuse. As a mother suffering through this unbelievable nightmare, Nicole witnessed extreme differences in the justice system of how her daughter was believed and treated well when her son was not. She also quickly recognized the distinct differences in recovery, trying to find support, and resources. Nicole and her daughter Maci founded Voices of Change 2018 (VOC18), a nonprofit organization, to begin making much needed change for children with disabilities and their families.
VOC18 is a national organization piloting their groundbreaking programs in Ohio. VOC18 is in the process of developing preventative education programs for children with disabilities while empowering parents and guardians. By sharing their lived experiences and through collaborations with other individuals, mental health professionals, law enforcement, and organizations, they are building a foundation of advocacy, abuse awareness, resources, and supports for children with disabilities.
Website: www.voicesofchange2018.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/voicesofchange2018/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/voices-of-change-2018/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/voicesofchange2018/_created/
Email: info@voicesofchange2018.com
By Karen Simmons
Being grateful when there are behavioral meltdowns, sensory overloads, parents in turmoil not knowing what to do, nonverbal communication issues, and routines all over the map can be the hardest thing to do.
I’m not going to be one of those “holier than thou” moms that sounds like a goody-two-shoes and says nothing ever goes wrong, because that is simply not reality. I do know this. However, when people connect, laugh, share, and have fun with the good things going on, it makes us all feel better inside; after all, that’s really all we are—feelings.
The late Dr. Jerry Jampolsky, who was the founder of the Center for Attitudinal Healing and specialized in catastrophic illness, helped me understand the meaning of true forgiveness, correcting my own misperception that someone else ever caused the harm I felt when I was judged.
It didn’t mean I was tolerating the behavior of others or that I assumed I was better or superior to someone else. Instead, it meant correcting my belief that they were the cause of the harm I felt. I learned the only function I could continually practice was to choose to constantly forgive others repeatedly, releasing my grievances no matter what. This is not easy to do, but is worth the effort.
We were moving out of my house after exactly 30 years and my son with autism, Jonny, unplugged the internet by mistake, so we had to stop the entire moving process at midnight, evaluate the situation, and research how to reset it. It turned out all he really had to do was plug it in again! We all laughed, and he had his moment in the sun. It was easy to let go of the minor stress he caused.
The more we see we are all one and not separate is when we see the simplicity in life and humanity. This allows us to live in complete love; we are living to forgive.
Here are some very special words shared with me by Dr. Jerry Jampolsky at age 95 when I told him about coincidental occurrences in my life. Gerald Jampolsky, MD said the following: “Fear can be the most virulent and damaging virus known to humankind. Karen, coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.” These philosophies have certainly pointed me along a pathway towards many magical moments over the past 25 years, especially when it comes to my work with Autism Today, co-authoring Little Rainman: Autism—Through the Eyes of a Child , and the work I’ve done since I became an Attitudinal Healing Training Facilitator in 1997.
You see, The Attitudinal Healing Center’s work is focused on traumatic situations, prisoners, children’s death, dying, and just generally anything people have very difficult times going through. With COVID-19 in the world, it is the perfect storm for this work.
I don’t want to ramble on with “a wall of text” as my son would say. Rather, I invite you to read through these 12 principles of Attitudinal Healing and, if you choose to, embrace any or all the concepts you want as they may help you during this difficult time. If not, that’s fine too.
Attitudinal Healing is based on the belief it is possible to choose peace rather than conflict, and love rather than fear. Love is the most important healing force in the world, and man, do we need this like never before!
The 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing, with my explanations, are:
1. The essence of our being is love
At the core, everyone is good. It is the spark that started the beginning of life.
2. Health is inner peace; healing is letting go of fear
Fear stifles our creativity. Choosing to embrace our internal peace distracts us from any perceived fear outside, which is merely an illusion of what is truly going on.
3. Giving and receiving are the same
As we inhale, we also exhale. If we learn to accept from others and give from our hearts without expectation, we will feel the same reciprocal energy flow through ourselves.
4. We can let go of the past and the future
Living in the now is all there ever really is. The past is gone, and the future hasn’t happened—nor will it be in the way we project.
5. Now is the only time you have and each instant is for giving
Always releasing into the universe and continually letting go helps us recognize the synchronicity in the universe.
6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging
When we love and forgive everyone in our hearts, we don’t hold grudges. This frees our own hearts and energy. Judgement of others assumes a position of power rather than one of love.
7. We can become love-finders rather than fault finders
What we focus on expands, so by seeking love we find more love. If we are looking for faults and negativity, we find more of that.
8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside
We are in control of our feelings and our thoughts regardless of if there is an emotional hurricane around us. What we focus on fills our hearts.
9. We are students and teachers to each other
The more we know, the more we realize there is to know, and we are always learning and teaching. In the process of teaching, we also continue to learn.
10. We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments
Keep in mind the big picture in the grand scheme of things. “This too shall pass,” helps internalize the process. Little things are small, so let them go.
11. Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful
We are forever who we are. Our bodies are carriers of our entities. What makes us…us, our thoughts, feelings, emotions, heart, soul, joy, happiness…is not physical. These building blocks of our identity are the essence of our being.
12. We can always perceive others as either loving or fearful, extending a call of help for love
At the end of the day, everyone ultimately wants to be loved and accepted for who they are, regardless of abilities, race, sex, age, religion, or any other perceived difference. It may not look like it at the time; just know this to be true.
Karen Simmons, a mother of seven, founded Autism Today in 1998, the first online global autism resource center, winning the Internet Entrepreneur of the Year in 2001 from Multiple Streams of Income. Featured on PBS, ABC, and Woman’s World, she is a “Chicken Soup for the Soul, Children with Special Needs” co-author and manifested 14 books, including the Gold Medal winning The Official Autism 101 Manual. She has hosted 72 conferences across North America.
Prior to her current path, Karen worked as a gemologist where she discovered the magic of gemstones. She joined the US Air Force, where she worked in a base hospital and lived across the United States. Karen now lives in Edmonton, Alberta Canada and is transitioning Autism Today into a non-profit foundation with her partner Vincent dela Luna. They plan to share information through a Channel ARTS network and Learning and Education Division. This will easily and affordably provide resources that are needed in the autism world and beyond.
Website: www.autismtoday.com
“Deanna Picon’s passion and commitment is inspirational as she lovingly guides families affected by autism on their journey together. Her published works provide the reassuring support so many parents with special needs children seek on a daily basis. Deanna is a real asset to the autism community. We’re so proud to recognize her as our Top Family Guidance Writer award winner this year”
—Amy KD Tobik, Editor-in-Chief, Exceptional Needs Today
The Autism Parents’ Guide to Reclaiming Your Life provides special needs parents with proven techniques and a clear-cut action plan to build a good life for themselves and their family. This ground-breaking and life-affirming book was written specifically for and is completely about the parents of special needs children.
Whether you’ve just been handed the diagnosis or you’ve been dealing with the autism challenge for years, you will find help in these pages. Whether you are determined, scared, or simply feeling a bit numb and overwhelmed, you will see there is hope. And whether you are a family member, friend, or professional, you will learn how to understand and support the parents of special needs children.
TO PURCHASE: https://www.amazon.com/Autism-Parents-Guide-Reclaiming-Your/dp/1497581222
As the parent of a non-verbal, young man with autism, Deanna Picon personally understands the impact of autism on a family. She knows first-hand how heartbreaking a diagnosis of autism can be for parents and the personal struggles that often follow. But, through her own journey with autism, Deanna also recognizes the special joys, rewarding experiences, and unique life gifts which can result from raising a child with special needs. Deanna is the founder of Your Autism Coach, LLC, which provides comprehensive support programs and seminars for parents and families of special needs children and adults. Her personal mission is to empower parents as they advocate for their children while balancing productive work and family lives. Deanna’s articles have appeared in Autism Parenting Magazine, Exceptional Needs Today Magazine, Exceptional Parent Magazine, and Parenting Special Needs Magazine. She is the recipient of the 2022 “Top Family Guidance Writer” Award from Exceptional Needs Today Magazine and both the 2020 and 2018 “Top Parental Advice Writer” and 2015 “Top Life Coach Writer” Awards from Autism Parenting Magazine. Her academic credits include a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Bachelor of Arts in Broadcast Journalism from Syracuse University.
TO PURCHASE: https://www.amazon.com/Autism-Parents-Guide-Reclaiming-Your/dp/1497581222
Website: www.yourautismcoach.com
Email: info@yourautismcoach.com
By Nicole Dauz
“TRAUMA IS PERHAPS THE MOST AVOIDED, IGNORED, BELITTLED, DENIED, MISUNDERSTOOD, AND UNTREATED CAUSE OF HUMAN SUFFERING,” SAYS PETER LEVINE, LEADING TRAUMA PSYCHOLOGIST AND HEALER. SOME TOPICS APPEAR SO BIG AND ALL-REACHING THAT IT PREVENTS PEOPLE FROM TRYING TO TACKLE THEM OUT OF FEAR OF GETTING THEM WRONG.
Thankfully, my curiosity and desire to shift the conversation around caregiving is allowing me to take the first step in sharing my experiences and learning. There are hundreds of millions of parents and guardians around the world. No caregiver should ever feel alone.
Personally, my most compelling reason for shining a light on this issue is that I believe trauma can only be healed by exposing and talking about it. This article is meant to be a launch pad. I ask you to keep an open mind and process the information at your own pace.
What keeps us caregivers from going the extra step and acknowledging the reality of parental trauma? It’s like a paradoxical loop that plays in our heads, “How can the child who cracked open my heart and introduced me to unconditional love be the source of my trauma?”
I believe the guilt caused by feeling negatively towards a child you love is why trauma related to parenthood is so unspoken among caregivers. In some instances, the guilt may be exacerbated by understanding that the person whose behavior is causing your trauma is someone you willingly choose to keep in your life—their existence might even be a result of your desire for children. The responsibility can feel overwhelming.
Regardless of how you became a caregiver, it can be incredibly difficult to wrestle with the idea that someone you cherish, and who is dependent on your care, is also harming you in some way. This is where the shame sneaks in and gets a grip; then, it becomes too much to untangle. The coexistence of “I’m caring for my child” and “I’m experiencing trauma because of my child” leads to internal conflict.
In my experience, I told myself for the longest time that my suffering wasn’t trauma because it wasn’t my daughter’s fault. Her behavior was a result of her rare genetic disease and autism. I didn’t dare ask myself how her screaming in public made me feel as I couldn’t bear to know that truth, and that question would only have been raised if my mind had ever allowed me to be honest in the first place.
I believe there are a few reasons why parents never consider their child’s behavior to be traumatic:
• Confusion of similar concepts: the belief that the caregiver journey as a whole is traumatic versus certain experiences during that journey being traumatic
• The parent being in survival mode and therefore being unable to look beyond the daily tasks, not having the mental capacity for self-reflection
• Lack of awareness that trauma is a person’s emotional response to any distressing experience
Acknowledging that we do in fact experience trauma throughout the caregiver journey requires lots of self-compassion.
For the longest time, I rejected the idea that I could experience trauma as a parent of my daughter because I had a narrow view of what trauma could be. I associated it with combat soldiers and abuse victims. Nothing more.
Psychology Today states that trauma is a person’s emotional response to a distressing experience. Unlike ordinary hardships, traumatic events tend to be sudden and unpredictable, involve a serious threat to life—like bodily injury or death—and feel beyond a person’s control. Most importantly, events are traumatic to the degree that they undermine a person’s sense of safety in the world and create a sense that catastrophe could strike at any time.
What’s important to highlight is that trauma isn’t the event, like abuse or a war; trauma is the wound sustained as a result. So, we carry the memory of traumatic events in our body, which then can be triggered.
Furthermore, Dr. Patrick McGrath, clinical psychologist, says different groups of people will experience different types of trauma. For example, if you’re in a war, you will likely experience one kind of trauma. But if you’re a parent, you’re experiencing another type of trauma. Likewise, a caregiver in another circumstance will experience another type of trauma.
It’s one thing to know what trauma is. It’s quite another to acknowledge that we caregivers experience it.
One of the “A-ha!” moments for me in understanding the impact of trauma in our daily lives is that it’s a cumulative effect. It’s not like practicing for something where the more it happens, the better we should become at managing it. It’s incremental; therefore, each traumatic event builds on the magnitude of previous ones.
One autism dad explained it as a metaphorical backpack where the gradual buildup of traumatic moments is like rocks being placed in a backpack. Adding a single rock might not be immediately noticeable, but one day you realize you’re carrying a 500-pound backpack, and it’s completely unmanageable.
Experience has taught me that when we deny something and don’t talk about it, we kind of trick ourselves into acting like it didn’t happen. Therefore, if we keep quiet, we can end up believing that if we ignore our unwanted feelings, they don’t exist. Unfortunately, denying these experiences is what actually causes much of the pain.
This is why caregivers must talk about their experiences and share their stories. People need to know it happens to all of us, so we feel less alone on the sometimes-isolating journey of caring for our children.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
—Anaïs Nin
Many parents (like my former self) pretend they’re alright because they’re in survival mode. They aren’t thinking about themselves. Their focus and energy are on their child who needs affection and attention, therapies, medical interventions, medications, surgeries, etc.
Survival mode isn’t living. It simply means not dying. Our nervous systems weren’t designed to be stressed all the time. As caregivers, our lives are filled with unpredictability and uncertainty. We experience a lot of stress and live in waves of chaos.
Our nervous systems were designed to live in joy and connection among some challenges. That’s why compassion needs to be part of any discussion related to parenting, caregiving, and trauma. Compassion tells us we no longer need to be in survival mode and that it’s alright to take care of ourselves.
Acknowledging and accepting our traumatic experiences allows us to “free” ourselves from their hold and focus on living a meaningful life as a caregiver. Renowned trauma and addiction expert, Dr. Gabor Maté, says that time doesn’t heal trauma, vulnerability does. The example he uses is that a tree grows where it’s soft and green and cannot survive when the soil is hard and dry.
We caregivers can learn to be vulnerable by talking about the challenges we face and by being honest with ourselves about how we feel at any given moment. Acknowledging this leads to acceptance, from which we can proceed to more healing.
We should have no guilt in admitting that caregiving is hard. We should feel no shame in grieving the loss of dreams, ideals, and what we thought parenting would look like. Instead, we should focus on the unconditional love we have for our children and the amazing job we’re doing caring for them.
The more caregivers who share their stories, the more healing can take place. Everyone benefits from that.
References
Sussex Publishers, LLC. (n.d.). Trauma. Psychology Today. Retrieved January 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/ trauma
Nicole Dauz is a caregiver coach and self-care advocate who chooses happiness despite her circumstances. Experience is her teacher as the mother of a neurotypical son and an autistic daughter with a rare genetic disease. Her mission is to change the story around caregiving and celebrate the journey. She honors the role of the caregiver by helping them recognize their worth and their true gifts. Nicole’s clients come to her because they feel stressed to the max. She provides them with the tools and strategies needed to shift them from feeling stressed and overwhelmed to regaining control of their lives and feeling gratitude and joy. She blogs regularly on her website and is the author of Self-care: From the Trenches…with Love, Humour & a Kick in the Pants.
Website: https://www.nicoledauz.com/
Book: Self-care: From the Trenches…with Love, Humour & a Kick in the Pants
What’s important to highlight is that trauma isn’t the event, like abuse or a war; trauma is the wound sustained as a result.
“Neurodiversity is the natural variation in all of our brains. Just like our fingerprints, no two are alike.”
AN INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT MOVEMENT GAINING TRACTION IN THE THERAPY WORLD IS THE RECOGNITION OF THE MYRIAD OF VARIATIONS IN NEURODIVERSITY AND THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING ONE’S PERSONAL NEURODIVERSITY PROFILE AS THE CENTER OF THE THERAPY PRACTICE.
In formal language, neurodiversity-affirming practice includes ethics, justice, and equity in supporting autistic and otherwise neurodivergent individuals (OTs for Neurodiversity, 2022) and the recognition of neuroaffirming interactions as a basic human right. In practical language, neurodiversity-affirming practice honors the importance of recognizing, embracing, and respecting the different experiences each individual brings to the therapy table and uses those experiences to form an individualized and collaborative therapeutic relationship. The individual is the primary stakeholder in the therapy process and, as such, should expect their voice and vision to be the central part of the therapy process.
The Therapist Neurodiversity Collective (2023, January 1) posted an informational brochure that listed the eight signs of a respectful therapist who embraces neurodiverse affirming practice, which include:
1. One should presume competence. The assumption that the individual CAN versus CANNOT should, at all times, be utilized. Presuming competence facilitates dignity and leads to greater opportunity for authentic real-world experiences. By presuming competence, you recognize an individual is greater than the sum of their parts, that traditional means of showing competence (such as standardized testing) do not support the many facets of an
individual, and that competence may be impacted by environmental and societal barriers rather than individually constructed ones.
2. There should be the provision of barrier-free access to assistive and augmentative communication. Being able to communicate is a basic human right, and the means to communicate should be readily available for all. The means of communication can vary but should always be upheld as valid and impactful.
3. The expression of self-determination should be facilitated. All individuals have the capacity to make their own choices and, ultimately, choose the direction of their life. This capacity should be at the center of the therapy process. Self-determination should begin at a very young age by giving a child choices or asking for their thoughts and respecting their voice. Self-determination progresses toward adulthood by providing an individual an active role in choosing meaningful activities to pursue after high school graduation.
4. Advocating for inclusion and/or least restrictive measures should be embraced. All individuals deserve equitable and unrestricted access to all settings and the support of accommodations to make access to those settings possible.
—Cynthia Coupe, a neurodivergent speech-language pathologist
5. Self-advocacy skills should be facilitated. Through active collaboration, individuals will be given the education, tools, and support needed to make empowering decisions around the direction of their life.
6. A strength-based approach will be utilized. Potential is always seen and embraced. Goals should be built upon the natural and inherent strengths and potentials the individual possesses. Additionally, the creation of such goals should be a collaborative process.
7. Body autonomy is respected at all times. The boundaries of one’s body and the space around such is respected and upheld at all times unless otherwise specified by the individual. Stimming is seen as a necessary bodily response. Practices such as hand-over-hand assistance are done with the individual’s consent.
8. Compliance-based practices are to be avoided. Compliance-based practices aim to conform behavior to a neuro-normative culture and do not support the above principles.
The profession of occupational therapy recognizes the importance of neuroaffirming therapy. Since its inception in the late 1800s, occupational therapy has recognized the healing value of engaging in occupations that are personally meaningful and fulfilling and has used meaningful occupation as the cornerstone of the approach.
More recently, Dallman et al. (2022) speaks to the ethical mandates of occupational therapy including facilitating well-being by recognizing the unique intersection of one’s needs, preferences, and environments; promoting capabilities by providing not only direct intervention but also reducing environmental and cultural barriers; and creating meaning through the myriad of unique interactions between the individual and their surroundings.
The vision of the American Occupational Therapy Association (AOTA) states occupational therapy is an inclusive profession that maximizes health, well-being, and quality of life for all people, populations, and communities through effective solutions that facilitate participation in everyday living (AOTA.org, 2022). In order to fulfill this vision, occupational therapy’s approach when working with an individual should be cost effective, evidence-based, and person centered; collaborative by working with the individual and their family and community to produce effective outcomes; and accessible by providing culturally responsive and individualized services.
Occupational therapy practitioners believe that engaging in meaningful occupations is motivating and relevant. There are many benefits to providing therapy through meaningful occupations. When the therapy includes relevant occupations or pastimes, the skills that are achieved through addressing these occupations create a context that is understood by the individual. This understanding allows the transfer of learning to other areas of life. Additionally, therapy is led by the individual as they fulfill the activities that are inherently important to them.
Engaging in a collaborative therapy process (individual-family/friends/caregivers-therapist) with individualized focus and goals that are intrinsically valid upholds many, if
not all, of the eight premises of neurodiverse practices but, more importantly, creates a personalized therapeutic alliance that leads to the ultimate of success.
References
American Occupational Therapy Association (2023, January 3). Mission and Vision. AOTA. https://www.aota.org/about/mission-vision
Dallman, A. R., Williams, K. L., & Villa, L. (2022). Neurodiversity-Affirming Practices are a Moral Imperative for Occupational Therapy. The Open Journal of Occupational Therapy, 10(2), 1-9. https://doi.org/ 10.15453/2168-6408.1937
OTs for Neurodiversity (n.d.). Home [Facebook page]. Facebook. Retrieved January 4, 2023 from https://www.facebook.com/neurodiversity.ot/
OT Spot (2023, January 3). History of Occupational Therapy. OT Spot. https://www.myotspot.com/history-of-occupational-therapy/ TEDxOcala. (2021, December, 15). Neurodiversity: the new normal [video]. Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WprLOcEyh6M Therapist Neurodiversity Collective (n.d.). Home [Facebook page]. Facebook. Retrieved January 1, 2023 from https://www.facebook.com/ NeurodiversityCollective
Resources Therapist Neurodiversity Collective. https://therapistndc.org/
Least dangerous assumption. (2020, September, 15). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Least_dangerous_assumption.
Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD, is an occupational therapist who grew up on a large horse farm in Massachusetts. She has been practicing for 30-plus years and has been using hippotherapy as a treatment tool since 2001. She enjoys seeing the happiness and progress each person has achieved through the therapeutic impact of the horse. Laura has also developed a program for breast cancer rehabilitation using therapeutic input from the horse.
Email: hooves4healingot@gmail.com
By Kate Rosenthal
DOMESTICATED ANIMALS HAVE PLAYED A VARIETY OF ROLES THROUGHOUT HISTORY, FROM HERDING LIVESTOCK TO STANDING WATCH FOR PREDATORS TO SEARCH AND RESCUE WORK. DOGS AND PEOPLE DEVELOPED A UNIQUE BOND, AND AS WORKING DOGS MOVED FROM BARNS AND FIELDS INTO HOMES, THAT RELATIONSHIP DEEPENED. THE KINDS OF SUPPORT PETS PROVIDE EVOLVED TO INCLUDE COMPANIONSHIP, COMFORT, AND SOLACE. THE RECOGNITION THAT PETS MADE US FEEL BETTER WAS THE ORIGIN OF PET THERAPY.
PAWS for People’s pet therapy team—Kelly and her sweet Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Charlotte—were regular visitors at a local children’s hospital. Children with complex needs often have extended stays and Kelly and Charlotte supported those families in a variety of ways.
Studies have shown that petting a dog releases the mood elevating hormones serotonin and oxytocin and reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Petting a dog also lowers blood pressure and slows the heart rate. Those changes in hormone levels, heart rate, and blood pressure result in increasedfeelingsofwell-being.
Theprofoundeffectsoftheseinteractionsarebeneficialtoeveryonebutareparticularlyimpactfulforindividualswithexceptional needs. Pet therapy has been shown to improve outcomes in physical and occupational therapy patients, improveliteracyoutcomes in struggling readers, and increase use of language and improve social interaction for autistic children.
PAWS for People worked closely with the Delaware Autism Program to develop the PAWS Autism Initiative. The program includes specially designed PECS boards (Picture Exchange Communication System) that allow students to choose how to interact with the dog. For example, selecting activities such as brushing, petting, hugging, and giving the dogwaterhelpsbuildcommunicationskills.
The activities themselves work on goals for sensory issues, body awareness, and social interaction. Specially trained volunteer pet therapy teams work closely with teachers and therapists to structure visits for individual students. The natural, calming benefits of pet therapy enhance the skill building activities and can have a ripple effect through the student’sday.
One patient called “Emily” formed an immediate bond with Charlotte. Charlotte helped her work on her mobility and gain strength in her upper body as Emily was motivated to reach out and feel Charlotte’s soft fur.
Emily’s parents were always at her side, and Kelly and Charlotte had the pleasure of visiting with the family several times. On one visit, Charlotte noticed Emily’s mom was the one in need of comfort. While Charlotte was quietly sitting on Emily’s bedside, she crawled up into the mom’s arms ever so gently and snuggled in. Mom burst into tears, burying her face in Charlotte’s fur and asking Kelly, “How did she know?” Emily’s parents later shared how amazing it was that somehow Charlotte knew mom was having a very difficult day, and that contact and affection from a loving dog was exactly what she needed in that moment.
Stories like Kelly and Charlotte’s happen every day during PAWS for People visits, where comfort and healing seem to happen in a magical way. Numerous studies of pet therapy have revealed the science behind the magic and proven why pet therapy is so effective.
You may have heard the term Animal Assisted Therapy (AAT) in the context of occupational and physical therapy. The terms AAT
and pet therapy can be used interchangeably. In occupational and physical therapy, as in other interactions, pet therapy works on multiple levels.
That calming physiological response to the pet helps reduce pain, anxiety, and stress in patients, leading to longer and more successful physical or occupational therapy sessions. Activities such as reaching out to pet the dog, walking with the dog, and tossing a ball to the dog are integrated to achieve therapeutic goals. And, of course, all pet therapy interactions have the added motivation of a gentle pet’s warm snuggles and affection.
More and more physical and occupational therapists are integrating pet therapy into their practices, either through groups like PAWS for People or with their own trained pets. While pets may not be available in all PT/OT settings, many of the same benefits can be achieved with a well-trained pet at home, including reducing pain and stress.
Pet therapy interactions in the classroom use the same building blocks to support students with learning differences. Pet therapy teams work with struggling and emerging readers, students with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and students with emotional regulation challenges.
PAWS for Reading, PAWS for People’s literacy initiative, takes a simple but highly effective approach. Students read one-on-one to a pet therapy dog, usually for about 15 minutes at a session. As a non-judgmental listener, the dog does not correct or interrupt the reader, but provides positive feedback in the form of snuggles and affection. At the same time, the human half of the pet therapy team offers encouragement, praise and, as needed, support.
A recent study compared students who read to a dog with those who practiced reading to adults. The results showed students developed greater fluency and reading comprehension abilities when they read to a dog compared to the same interaction with
an adult. Likewise, the students reported increased motivation and self-esteem after practicing with a dog.
Individualized therapeutic visits with a dog can have equally valuable impacts for students who struggle with attentional issues. For example, a 2018 study showed that children who received pet therapy as a complement to traditional interventions had better outcomes, including a greater reduction in ADHD symptoms and marked improvement in social skills.
For students who struggle with emotional regulation, pet therapy visits provide both calming intervention and behavioral motivation. PAWS pet therapy teams providing this support usually visit weekly on a set day and time. The visit provides a calming interaction, the effects of which continue through the student’s day, while the anticipation of the visit can be used as a motivational tool.
PAWS for People’s trained, volunteer pet therapy teams provide visits in classrooms and facilities, as well to individuals through the Special Request program, throughout Delaware and the sur-
rounding counties in Pennsylvania, Maryland, and New Jersey. For those outside PAWS’ service area, there are national and regional pet therapy organizations that may offer support and training.
Families with their own gentle, affectionate pets may consider training to use these skills at home. While dogs are the most common therapy pet, PAWS also trains volunteer teams with cats and bunnies, which can be equally good therapy companions.
PAWS for People offers training for new volunteer pet therapy teams at their facility in Newark, Delaware twice a month, with additional training throughout their service area several times a year. The training is designed for volunteer visitation at PAWS
partnerfacilities;however,thetechniquesandskillscanbeused athomeaswell.
Thereissubstantialresearchsupportingtheeffectivenessofpet therapy.Whenyouexperienceavisit,though,youarenottrackingyourhormonelevelsandbloodpressure.Youaresimplyexperiencing the joy, peace, and calm of that time with a loving pet. Unlike many traditional interventions, pet therapy should alwaysbeapositive,joyfulexperience.Themagicisthejoyvisitsbringtoeveryoneinvolved:thepersonreceivingthevisit,the volunteer,andthepet.
Colliton,Anna(2008,February17).DogsWarmtoChildrenwithAutism: Man’sbestfriendofferssafety,andcompanionship Columbia News Service.
Coren,Stanley(2022,November3).KidsWhoReadtoaDogSeeIm-
proved Literacy. Psychology Today.
Creagan, T., Bauer, B., & Thomley, B. (2015). Animal-assisted therapy at Mayo Clinic: The time is now. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 101-104.
Schuck, Sabrina E. B. (2018, July 17) UCI-led study finds therapy dogs effective in reducing symptoms of ADHD. https://som.uci.edu/news_releases/UCI-led-study-finds-therapy-dogs-effective-in-reducing-symptoms-of-ADHD.asp
Velde, B., Cipriani, J., & Fisher, G. (2003). Resident and Therapist Views of Animal-assisted Therapy: Implications for Occupational Therapy Practice. Australian Occupational Therapy Journal, 43-50.
The Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) was developed at the Delaware Autism Program (DAP) and was designed to teach young children to communicate in a social context (Bondy & Frost, 1994; Frost & Bondy, 2002).
Kate Rosenthal is the Marketing and Events Manager at PAWS for People. PAWS mission is to improve the lives of people by lovingly providing individualized, therapeutic visits with specially trained volunteers and their certified gentle, affectionate pets. Kate’s experience includes managing PAWS programs for children, including PAWS Autism Initiative and PAWS for Reading.
Website: www.pawsforpeople.org
Email: info@pawsforpeople.org
Phone: 302-351-5622
I AM FINDING MYSELF GETTING INCREASINGLY EXCITED ABOUT THE ARRIVAL OF SPRING FOR MANY REASONS. ONE IS THE STEADY STREAM OF GARDEN AND PLANT CATALOGS I AM RECEIVING IN THE MAIL, WHICH ARE TANTALIZING AND INSPIRING TO MY NATURE ADORING MIND.
Ilove to look at the tried-and-true varieties of vegetables, herbs, and flowers and imagine how nice it would be to have at least one of everything. For example, I just found a nine-inch-high tomato plant perfect for the little hydroponic growing system I recently received as a holiday gift! I am looking forward to giving new seeds a try.
Instead of recycling your catalogs, in this issue’s Nature Notes I am suggesting a fun, creative, one-degree-of-separation-from-nature activity you can do with your children. Garden catalog collaging invites imagination and helps enrich conversation, sequencing skills, organization, and categorizing abilities, shape and color recognition, and fine motor skills such as
cutting or tearing, page-turning, and gluing. It is a very flexible activity well-suited to adaptation to work best for your child. Ready to have a go?
Materials needed (modify as appropriate for your child)
• Cardboard or poster board (at least 11 x 17 inches)
• Glue or another kind of adhesive
• Scissors
• Garden supply and plant/seed catalogs
• Markers, crayons, and/or colored pencils
• Small natural items such as seeds, seed pods, pine needles, dried flowers, leaves
1. Invite your child to page through the catalogs, helping as needed to identify pictures that appeal to them. Remove the photos from the catalogs by cutting or tearing them out. Increase the complexity of this task by asking your child what is appealing about the pictures they choose—is it a favorite color, an intriguing shape, a favorite to eat, or something else?
2. Alternatively, ask your child to find “X” number of one color of flowers in the catalogs and, when they are located, to either cut or tear out the page with you helping as needed. This same line of inquiry can include finding certain shapes, tall plants, short plants, favorite fruits and veggies, etc.
3. Once you have accumulated what you and your child determine to be a good number of pictures, it is time to start arranging them on the collage board. It can be random or systematic, such as by color, shape, size, etc.
4. Spend some time talking about the arrangement and move the images about until your child feels pleased with the organization.
5. Stick the photos onto the board.
6. Optional: Use markers, crayons, or pencils to draw whatever comes to mind and glue on natural materials to add additional dimension and interest to the collage.
7. Once dry, take a photo for prosperi-
ty and display the collage someplace it will bring a sense of joy and happiness to anyone who looks at it.
8. If appropriate, make a video of your child telling you about their collage and share it with grandparents or other loved ones.
9. Recycle the remains of the catalogs and compost what is left of the natural materials.
This seemingly simple activity brings us all one step closer to nature!
Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA, is Principal of Amy Wagenfeld | Design and Lecturer in the PostProfessional Occupational Therapy Doctoral Program at Boston University. She is a Fellow of the American Occupational Therapy Association and the Center for Health Systems and Design at Texas A&M University and holds evidence-based design accreditation and certification (EDAC) through the Center for Health Design, specialty certification in environmental modifications (SCEM) through the American Occupational Therapy Association, and certification in healthcare garden design through the Chicago Botanical Garden. Amy presents and publishes widely on topics relating to access to nature and is co-author of the award-winning book Therapeutic Gardens: Design for Healing Spaces published by Timber Press. When not designing gardens, researching, or developing garden and nature programs, Amy can be found happily digging in the dirt.
Website: www.amywagenfelddesign.com
Blog: http://workjournal.org/nurture-through-nature
