Voices Volume Seven — Gender

Page 26

DORIAN SHIRE

to be addressed with different pronouns, but then I realised that when people referred to me as ‘he’, it felt right, it felt like me. Ever since I was a child, I was much more drawn to characters that were men; until 13, I was convinced that I was Peter Pan! I didn’t know why I identified with this, but it felt

M

y experience of masculinity is different

more right than me identifying with anything that was a woman. I live in an era that is much more accepting than if I had lived at any other time, for which I’m very lucky.

to cisgender males because, being trans, I’ve had

When I first came out, the ultimate goal was

to fight to be seen as masculine, and for a long

getting testosterone, growing a beard and being a

time I felt like I had to be completely masculine.

man. Now I’m not sure if I want to do that. At the

I wore jeans, t-shirts, polo shirts and denim jack-

moment, I just want to find a way of being comfort-

ets, and tried to fit in with other men as much as I

able with me rather than changing myself. I would

could. But now I’ve realised that I don’t want to be

never judge anyone for transitioning, but for my-

like that, I want to dress however I want, wheth-

self, I just want to work out what I want. It may

er that be wearing heels, makeup, whatever. Be-

come to a point when I want to carry a baby, and

ing masculine isn’t about being big and wanting to

you can’t do that after you’ve reached a certain

protect women. It’s just to do with thinking, “Hey

point of transition. I think I would be happy doing

I’m a man, this is my idea of masculinity”.

that because, yes, I would be a man, I would be a

In the future, if I want to transition further, I will have to pay to seem more masculine, which

father, but I can still carry a baby and I think that is kind of beautiful, it’s kind of lovely.

is a completely different experience to someone

Because of things that have happened to me

who was born into it. However unfair that may be,

before, like dysphoria, not feeling right in myself

I feel that it does give me and every trans man a

and eating disorders, I’ve never felt very comfort-

choice as to whether we want to conform to typ-

able in my own skin. So before I go through these

ical masculinity or if we just want to do our thing

huge physical changes that would happen with

and have fun with it. I also feel like this makes me

transitioning, I just want to learn to chill out and

less judgemental of less gender conforming peo-

be comfortable as I am, which I think I’m getting

ple because it doesn’t matter to me at all. To be a

towards. It’s fun.

man you just have to be a man, to be a woman is

My advice for cisgender people: if you see

the same, you just have to be who you want to be.

someone and, to you, they look like a boy in a

My style is androgynous at the moment; I feel like

dress, you might not be correct, that might be a

that makes me more comfortable in my masculin-

woman or it might not. You need to learn how to

ity than someone who is stressed out about having

throw away your ideas that conform to gender

a small dick or something. I feel like I have power

norms, your ideas that conform to masculinity and

over them because I can do what I want.

learn not to make everything so binary. You need

If I was referred to as ‘she’, or by my birth name,

to learn to accept that some people don’t always

it didn’t sit right. When I started exploring these

conform to your little box of ideas about gender,

feelings, I thought I was gender fluid, so I wanted

because it’s no fun if we’re all the same.


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